Conflict Advice Paper

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016

Conflict Advice Paper


Background:

I had a conflict occur with a communication and journalism department faculty member,

therefore the two communicators and their relationship were myself and a UW-Eau Claire

faculty member with a formal, more professional relationship. The conflict occurred over a series

of emails. I am including the manuscript of this conflict below. I have copied and pasted the

body of the emails from the exchange (excluding signatures and introductions). Any grammatical

errors or typos that are in the manuscript, were in the emails, and that is why they are present

here. I had been attempting to change my major, and we were having scheduling problems due to

a misinterpretation and overall poor communication, which lead to increased poor

communication and aggressiveness, increasing the conflict to be more serious than the

misinterpretation that had initially occurred.

Encounter:

Me:

I was wondering if you could change my organizational communication minor to a major.

I have a highly busy schedule this semester and hoping you don't need me to come into

the department office to do this.

I was planning my classes for my last semester and realized that I only need 4 more

classes and that they could all fit into my schedule.

Thank you

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


CJ Department Faculty Member:

You don’t have to come in to the CJ office but you do have to sign up for a quick meeting

with me to change your minor to a major. I would want to review your degree audit and

be sure you have the correct classes necessary for your catalogue year; especially since

we have had some curriculum changes. Believe me, I am busy too so I understand, but it

is your responsibility and your academic career. It would probably take only 10-15

minutes. My sign-up sheets are posted outside my door in HHH 162. I’ll look forward to

seeing you.

Me:

I'm hoping there's is availability after 5 t/th then, as I have class or work every day until

then. I changed a advertising major to an organizational communication minor through

email a couple years ago when I was studying abroad which was why I was hoping I

could do the same now. I had also been hoping as my registration date is on Monday and

I won't be able to come in tomorrow. Is there any way I can at least be given department

approval for CJ 459 to be able to register, if you are unable to approve the change this

way.


Come in and make an appointment for as soon as you can. You can register for all you

classes on Monday except CJ 459, and then register for it later - when you are declared a

major. (We will get you into CJ 459—you have to have it to graduate.) I have my next

two weeks’ calendar posted.

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


Me:

I went to sign up and absolutely none of the times work for my schedule. I either have

class or am working during them. Could I send a PDF of my degree audit and plan?


I am sorry that you are having a difficult semester. While it may look like a simple thing

to just change you to a major in Org Com., there are many reasons that we require you

meet with an intake advisor that may not be obvious to you. One reason, for example, is

that you will need to fill out a waiver to take CJ 459 due to changes in the CJ curriculum

and for that you will need to be assigned an advisor. Since it is impossible for you to find

time to meet with me, I suggest you make an appointment with the chair, Professor Jan

Larson. Good luck.

Me:

I have an email with Dr. Larson and am working on coordinating with her. I am not

having a difficult semester, I just have a busy schedule. I've never had problems

coordinating with faculty members in the past as they are usually willing to try and find

some time outside of their office hours if necessary. If you had been willing to meet later,

or had earlier office hours then we could have found a time that would work. I'm

disappointed in the response and lack of accommodation that I've been given. I've never

had this problem in the past or been responded to in this way. Every faculty member I've

encountered in the past has been willing to find time outside of their office hours for

students if needed and I would think a faculty member that would be in charge of these

changes would have been more accommodating.

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


Me:

I apologize for my earlier response. I am feeling very discouraged with the response that

i've been given. It's unfortunate that you are unable to adjust your office hours, as every

other faculty member that i've worked with in the past has been able to do so. Yes, this is

my academic career but it is also you and the departments job to work with students and

to help accommodate for and support us.

I did not realize that CJ 459 needed department approval, and have done the other things

needed in changing majors, such as being assigned an adviser, over email before when I

was not on campus. I had assumed that the department would be accommodating and find

a way to complete those tasks. Again, this was without knowing that CJ 459 needed

approval.

I had suggested finding time around 5:00pm, or I could have come in early around 8:30 if

needed. However, you seemed unwilling to find time in your own schedule as past

faculty members have been able to do. I will be coordinating with either Dr. Larson or

talking to the dean of students office to coordinate this change, as one of them will

hopefully be able to help and find time for me to do this.

Thank you for explaining the situation and connecting me with Dr. Larson.


Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


I am very frustrated! Please carefully review your thread of emails to me. You never

asked me for any additional times. You simply said nothing fit in your schedule. The

last one asked for a date after the 5th, nothing about after 5:00 pm or early in the

morning. I have always bent over backwards to accommodate students who were

respectful and direct--including meeting with them early in the morning or late at night

when needed. I took the time to explain to you why you needed to go through the proper

channels to declare a major yet you persisted in not agreeing to meet with me because

you were too busy.

I'm hoping you will find after taking CJ 357, Professional Communication, that when you

need something from someone, assuming and demanding are not prudent or professional

approaches to take. To assume that you would not have to go through the proper

channels and then passing it off as my unwillingness to accommodate your needs is

something I find very offensive.

I have explained this situation to the CJ chair and forwarded all of your emails and my

responses to her. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree that it is best that you meet with the chair.

Good luck.

Me:

Once again, I apologize. I did review our emails and I didn't say the 5th, I had said after 5

t/th as in Tuesday or Thursday, which is where our miscommunication occurred. This is

the second time I'm saying sorry for my reaction. I was frustrated as well, and now we

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


both can see that there was some misinterpretation. I did not intentionally persist in not

agreeing to meet with you, I attempted to find a solution since our schedules did not

match. I am sorry that you feel offended, I did not intend to make you feel that way. This

has been a frustrating situation for both of us. Now in relation to your CJ 357 comment, I

do not feel as that I assumed or demanded, again there was a misinterpretation. I tried to

find a solution and was not demanding anything. I also did not assume I didn't have to go

through the proper channels, I asked based off of past experience. Often times, tone and

intention are misinterpreted over email as well and that seems to have occurred here in

addition to the "after 5 t/th" misinterpretation.

Again, I'm sorry that this miscommunication occurred.

Thank you for trying to help me.


My point exactly about communication problems occurring with email, Erin, and this is

precisely why the CJ department requires a face to face meeting with students who are

making academic major changes!

Moreover, In response to your latest email, I felt it was not your place to 'problem solve.'

There is department and University protocol for a reason and all students should follow

it. What you perceived as 'problem solving,' I interpreted as arguing. Erin, you waited

until a day or two before your registration date to switch your minor to a major- that was

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


problematic in itself and your responsibility to plan in a more timely manner. Expecting

me to 'just switch your minor to a major' or 'just give you permission to enroll in CJ 459'

at the last minute without knowing all that it involves was assumptive. You did not have

all the facts but insisted on 'problem-solving.' Can you see how someone in my position

might think 'Who does she think she is telling me how to do my job?' And, in that light,

can't you see how I might perceive that as demanding?

I'm taking all this time explaining myself and how I see this situation because I do care

about students, I have for over 33 years at this institution. And when a student accuses

me of not being willing to meet (at the last minute) and not being accommodating like her

other professors (especially after I write her 5-6 detailed emails in 24 hours), I am deeply

troubled, hurt, and offended.

I am writing you this with your best interests at heart, Erin. Think before you write,

email, speak! As an Org Com (and Psychology!) major, you will have serious issues in

the future if you don't get a better grasp of strategic message formulation, think more

about 'the other' when communicating, and take greater measures to demonstrate respect

for protocol and authority. I would much prefer you learn from your mistakes here than in

the workplace where you could suffer more serious consequences. (And, quite honestly,

if you worked for me and we had the previous interchange, I would have fired you). I

hope you can let go of your defensiveness and reflect on how, if given a second chance,

you might have approached this whole situation differently.

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


I sincerely hope, Erin, that everything works out for you and that you are assigned a CJ

advisor who meets your expectations.

Follow-up:

Background: After working on this paper, I decided to send a quick response and simply

acknowledge that I was wrong and apologize again in a more respectful manner in order to

hopefully resolve the conflict.

Me:

I'm sincerely sorry about how I responded to you and how I made you feel. I did not intend that

at all, and that is not a reflection of who I am as a person. It has been a stressful couple of weeks

for me, leading to my poor response to you. I sincerely apologize. I absolutely did not intend to

disrespect you. Thank you for trying to help me.

Have a good week

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


Dear [CJ Faculty Member],

I am sincerely sorry about this conflict that has occurred between us, revolving around

my want to change my minor to a major. I deeply regret my lack of respect shown through my

emails, and for my last minute decision to make this change. I realized it was possible for me to

graduate with the double major, as I had taken enough communication and journalism courses to

only need four more to graduate with the major. I also recently realized that I was not content in

the current path I had chosen for myself, and found one that seemed to fit my wants and needs

more effectively. If I had come to this realization earlier, I would have initiated making the

change in a timelier manner, for my lack of consideration of your time, I apologize.

I would like to review our conversation with you based off of what I have learned in my

interpersonal communication course, and go over what may have caused our conflict, and how

we could have more effectively communicated with each other. I’m hopeful that we can come to

a resolution and move past this unfortunate incident.

Johnson (2009) discusses public issues versus personal issues. Public issue focuses on the

conflict being about concerns outside of the relationship and personal issue focuses on concerns

connected with the relationship. Further, Johnson (2009) suggests that public issues are welfare

or politics type issues, and private are related to personal trust, or other personal attributes. I

believe our encounter began as a public issue, connecting to me and my goal but not specifically

to yourself. Therefore, it did not connect to both of us or our relationship, specifically, and was

more of a policy and task-oriented conflict. In addition, I think that it rapidly turned in to a more

personal issue when we both became more aggressive and disrespectful towards each other,

targeting our differing positions, and characteristics.

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


A conflict is defined as a disagreement between connected individuals, which can be real

or perceived. I believe that our conflict was a real conflict, but we did both perceive to a certain

extent, characteristics of each other which are probably not fitting for either of us. Furthermore,

there are four types of conflict issues but I believe that ours was primarily a social issue, where

we simply did not see eye to eye, and overall did not understand each other. In addition to the

conflict issue being a social issue, I think that it would also be a power issue due to the inequality

in the relationship. We both are not at equal levels in the relationship to begin with, and that in

itself added to the conflict. While I suggested a solution, you interpreted it as me saying that the

policies in place were ineffective and that I was not respecting your position and work. This was

not what I had intended.

In my organizational communication classes, we’ve discussed communication between

individuals at different levels of power and how it is important that the employees, or those in a

lower position of authority are able to express their ideas and be heard. However, it is important

that the individual in the position with higher power is respected as well. I had been simply

suggesting something that I thought would work if we could not find a time to meet, I had not

said that the current policies were ineffective and I did not intend to disrespect you in any way. I

did not realize that making a suggestion would be seen as problematic. I acknowledge my

mistake, and apologize for this miscommunication. Yes, I may have not realized the whole

situation and therefor assumed that this would be effective, but that was based on a past

experience where I was able to make changes to my major over email, I should not have assumed

that this would be accepted again. I highly regret the way that I communicated, and apologize

that it was interpreted in this manner. In the future when working with you, I will look at the

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


bigger picture and have better control over my thinking to prevent adding to the conflict at hand,

or starting a new conflict.

One of the main conflict styles that I believe applies to our exchange, would be the

competing (I win, you lose) style. Qin, Andreychik, Sapp, & Arendt (2014) describe the

competing style as “prioritizing one’s own interests and goals.” From what I understand based on

what I’ve learned in class and from this article, this style focuses on your own needs, and what

works for you rather than the other person involved. Neither of our needs were met, and

therefore the conflict was not resolved. Blaming and verbal aggressiveness are bad, ineffective

factors of the competing/forcing conflict style, that we engaged in. To counter this force and

come to a solution for the conflict, I would suggest that we both fully listen and respond in a

more efficacious and considerate manner to each other. I feel like both of us were blaming the

other individual and being verbally aggressive towards each other instead of acknowledging that

both of us were being unkind and had made mistakes with misinterpretation of the other.

Qin, Andreychik, Sapp, & Arendt (2014) suggest the hypothesis that conflict styles

change during conflict from changes on an intrapersonal and interpersonal level. Based on this

suggestion that changes in conflict style occur, I also think that the avoiding (I lose, you lose)

conflict style applies to our encounter. This occurs when one of the individuals in the

interpersonal relationship withdraws from or avoids the conversation, either by avoiding the

topic or by leaving the situation. I feel as if you withdrew from the conflict by putting me in

contact with another individual and continuing to avoid to acknowledge that you misinterpreted

what I had said or that you would not acknowledge my multiple apologies. I, however, also

withdrew from the conversation by not replying to your final email. This had not been out of

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


disrespect, but because I had felt like the conversation was finished and that you were not open

to finding a resolution. Specifically, pointing out that it was not my job to problem-solve, made

me feel like continuing to try to resolve the conflict or find a solution for us to feel as those we

had communicated successfully and could further work with each other now and in the future,

seemed as though it would aggregate the situation more, leading to my withdrawal. By

withdrawing from the conversation, the conflict was unable to be resolved for either of us. In

order to resolve the conflict, both of us need to be involved and open to finding a resolution and

a conflict management style that works for both of us.

I feel like as a result of the conflict not being fully discussed and coming to a solution,

that the situation will come up again and cause problems when working together in the future. I

think it would have been best if we had used a collaborating communication style where we

would work together to communicate and find some common ground that could help to establish

the needs and values of both of us. If I had used this style instead of the competing style initially,

then we may have avoided the other conflict styles and resolved the conflict reaching the

exigence of the conversation, much more easily. However, this is not always possible and if the

collaborating conflict style was not successful then I would suggest that we used a compromising

conflict style, where we would both receive a bit of the result that we wanted, and we both would

lose to some degree as well, finding a third option that works for both of us.

I believe that the main problem that occurred between us, was a lack of mindfulness; one

of the four tools that are needed for effective communication. For a further definition,

mindfulness would be that the individuals communicating both have to be observant, which we

were not. We both misinterpreted and miscommunicated throughout our email thread, and while

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


I feel like I pointed this out and tried to apologize, you continued to blame me and avoided

acknowledging that you also had misinterpreted. This made me feel highly discouraged and

disrespected. I acknowledge that I was not very clear in my communication, and I believe that I

exaggerated your tone and intention when reading your emails and replying, leading to me

blaming you as well. I acknowledge that I did not communicate effectively myself, and that I

could have been more respectful and effective in my communication. I again, sincerely

apologize.

I would suggest that in the future we are both more mindful, focusing more on the facts

or topic at hand, and work together to use a collaborating or compromising strategy, if

applicable. If we can listen and respond effectively, focusing on the goal at hand, as well as

focusing on how we are making each other feel, we can communicate more effectively. I believe

it is important that we assess our conflict here, and that we come to a solution in order to

establish common ground and establish greater respect for each other, as well as establishing

more opportunity for a more effective relationship from now on.

I am truly sorry for my poor level of respect and poor communication during this conflict,

and hope that we can resolve our conflict, and have a more positive relationship as a result. I

respect your experience in the field, and should have taken that, along with your effectiveness in

your position, into consideration.

Sincerely,

Erin Bosman

Erin Bosman

November 6, 2016


Sources

Johnson, A. J. (2009). A functional approach to interpersonal argument: differences

between public-issue and personal-issue arguments. Communication Reports, 22(1), 13-

28.

Qin, Z., Andreychik, M., Sapp, D. A., & Arendt, C. (2014). The dynamic interplay

of interaction goals, emotion, and conflict styles: testing a model of intrapersonal and

interpersonal effects on conflict styles. International Journal of Communication

(19328036), 8534-557.

Conflict Advice Paper

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