Managing Conflict in Relationships

Conflict is..

Differences between and among people

When incompatible activities occur

A situation that includes differences, expressed struggle, frustration, interference, perception, and interdependence

List nouns, verbs, adjectives that describe

conflict

Are these negative or positive?

Why do we avoid conflict?

Fear

Emotional upheaval

Imbalance of power

Recognition of incompatibilities

Negative feelings

It takes time

Conflict and Power

We face competition for scarce resources in:MoneyTimeAttention

Factors affecting conflict and powerIn any relationship, one person has power over

another if he or she controls something the other person wants or needs

Balancing the RelationshipFinding Common Interests

What is our common goal?What can I do to improve

this relationship?What do I need?

Five-Step Model for Conflict Management

1. Assessment – examine the context of the communication environment. Consider participants and their relationships. Identify the area of contention.

2. Acknowledgement – understand and articulate both sides’ of view. Reality check of perceptions.

3. Attitude – develop and display an attitude conducive to productive interaction. Involves trust and nonverbal behavior – at least for the communication event.

Five-Step Model for Conflict Management

4. Action – keeping the channels of communication open to find mutually agreeable solutions.

5. Analysis – consider the feasibility and effectiveness of decisions.

“Conflict Management: A Communication Skills Approach” by Deborah Borisoff and David Victor

Emotion comes first

Handle the emotion of the situation first

Then, deal with the issue or difference of power

Conflict and Language Differences based on Gender

Men (Typically)

More Direct

One Topic at a Time

Problem Solving

Closed Do not discuss personal

details

Women (Typically)

“Hint” language Imply a message

Can transition quickly to new topics, re-start old ones Pick up where they left

off

“Open” Discuss personal issues

Conflict and Language Differences based on Gender

“One Drawer at a Time” Work Drawer Family Drawer Social Drawer Alone time Drawer

“All Drawers Open at Once!”

Benefits of Conflict

Better decision making. Debate improves quality of solution

Increased learning through exchange of ideas

Relational growth. Fostering trust and respect

Overall saves time by finding the best – not the easiest - solution