Community Links Issue 224

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FEATURES January 25, 2013

TraditionSo what if my grandfather did it?

My grandfather rode around in a horseand buggy! Must I give up my car for ahorse just because Zayde rode a horse?

Rabbi Yossy Goldman

L.A.S.B. Approves New Hebrew

Language CharterSchool

Lashon Academy to become sixthschool in Hebrew Charter School

Center network

Dan Gersteinwww.hebrewcharters.org

Mental Health andthe Torah Way

The secret is out and we do notneed to hide. Jews do in fact suffer

from mental and emotional issues ofall kinds in the same ratios as the

general population.

Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC

1612

The TransplantThe ads appear – the words

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Yaffa Newmark

Next IssueNext Advertising Deadline

February 1, 2012

CirculationFebruary 8, 2012

Media Kit & Pricing323.965.1544

[email protected]

News & Press [email protected]

Virtual [email protected]

THE COMMUNITY LINKS is published bi-weekly and is distributed free tothe Jewish Community of SouthernCalifornia.

THE COMMUNITY LINKS accepts noresponsibility for typographicalerrors or reliability of Kashrus of any advertisers. All submissions become the property of THE COMMUNITY LINKS and may beshortened and/or edited for lengthand clarity. Articles published in THE COMMUNITY LINKS express theviews of the individual writers andmay not necessarily represent theviews of THE COMMUNITY LINKS. No artwork or any part of the magazine may be reprinted or otherwise duplicated without thewritten permission of the publisher.

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There is a book, a very heavy and cumbersome book,called the Diagnostics and Statistical Manual ofMental Disorders or DSM for short. This book is

the bible of all mental health professionals for assisting indetermining proper diagnosis for clients and patients. Withinit you will find almost every possible disorder that may impacta person’s mental well-being. Although many have debatedwhat the content should be over the course of many years, itremains primarily the same with a few additions or deletionshere and there. However, there is one key element that is notstated or included in this book that perhaps speaks the loud-est of all relevant factors: It does not say, “Applies only toAsians” or “Does not impact Israelis” or “Not applicable topersons of color”, and it sadly does not say “Jews exempt”.This, of course, is because these ailments and conditions arethose of the Human Race, and have the potential to impactall of HaShem’s human creations equally. Why do I makethis point? Quite simply because what I see in religious com-munities is a shade of secrecy and shame that these types ofconditions exist among us. These conditions impact ourloved ones, our friends, our neighbors, yet even with today’sadvancements people are still generally embarrassed to admitwhen there are problems. Very unfortunately, this stigmaoften delays necessary treatment and does not help break theunproductive cycle of thinking there is shame in seeking helpfor mentally and emotionally related issues. That’s the badnews.

Here’s the good news: the secret is out and we do not needto hide. Jews do in fact suffer from mental and emotional is-sues of all kinds in the same ratios as the general population.We deal with child abuses, domestic violence, depression,anger management, anxiety, personality disorders, divorce,addictions, sexual issues, and general dysfunction to name asmall few. We, as Jews, are not alone in that we have thesechallenges alongside the rest of the Human Race, and youthe reader are not alone because if you are suffering so aremany others living right next door or even perhaps with you.Which brings us to an extremely important question: Howare religious Jews meant to seek professional help when theylive within the context of an entirely unique and specific setof Jewish laws and guidelines? What about the communityand rumors? How can a person trust that his or her matterswill be kept strictly private? Well, many seek the help andguidance of their Rabbi which is an excellent place to start.A rabbi can provide initial comfort and reassurance, can an-swer religiously-based questions, and can refer you to profes-sionals who have training to address specific needs. However,what if you don’t have a rabbi or are embarrassed to ap-proach your rabbi? In Los Angeles we are very blessed in thematter of support for mental and emotional issues. The Jew-ish Federation of Los Angeles and their Aleinu offices offera variety of therapeutic services to support the community.In addition, there are many therapists in the area specializingin working with the Jewish community who are themselves

MENTAL HEALTH AND THE TORAH WAY

Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC


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s”xcobservant and understand the natureand culture of religious Jews. Just offthe top you’ve been given three excel-lent and viable options for seeking helpin our community and I’m certain thereare many more.

The key point here is this: if you orsomeone you love is suffering from amental health issue, please do not ignoreit. Do not think it will go away on itsown. Do not be embarrassed. Do notstay in a state of denial. Do somethingto help the situation and don’t wait yetanother day. Our Torah gives us valuesto live by, and at the top of these valuesis the value of life itself. Life, accordingto Torah, does not simply mean a beat-ing heart and breathing lungs. Livemeans living. Life means contribution.Life means realizing personal potentialand sharing it with others.

“V'Avraham zakein bah bayamim”,“And Abraham, the elder, came withdays.”

What does it mean that AvrahamAvinu, z’l, “came with days”? It meansat the end of his life when he presentedin the heavenly courts, he came withdays rich with life and mitzvoth. Itmeans he lived his life and broughtmeaning to other’s lives. He showed up.He engaged. He literally ran to domitzvoth. If we are truly Torah obser-vant Jews then we must recognize thatwe have an obligation to live our lives to

the fullest and to reveal all of the great-ness that HaShem intended for us. Ifmental and emotional issues are pre-venting you, or someone you love, fromdoing this, then you must take steps toseek help and not waste another mo-ment. No matter your challenge, fromdepression to matters of shalom bayit,there are people who can help and sup-port you. However it is your job to takethe first step and ask for that help. Thetime has come to remove the stigma ofseeking help for mental and emotionalmatters and it is the Torah way to sup-port members of our families and com-munities as they do so.

Just as Avraham Avinu, z’l, knew theimportance of living each day to itsmaximum potential, we must also em-brace the right and responsibility wehave to ensure that with proper supportand guidance we too can overcome ourchallenges and come out stronger, wisersouls.

Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC is alicensed clinical psychotherapist and educatorwith a private practice in Beverly Hills, Cali-fornia. Mia is licensed in both California andIllinois and she can be reached through her web-site at www.bhcounselingcenter.com, e-mail [email protected], office 310-464-5226, or followed on Twitter @MiaAdlerOzair.


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How important is tradition in Judaism? I don't just meanfor the Fiddler on the Roof -- I mean for me, you, and all therest of us. How strong is the need for tradition in the spiritualconsciousness of Jews today?

Despite the effects of secularism, I would venture to suggestthat there is still a need inside us to feel connected to ourroots, our heritage, and our sense of belonging to the Jewishpeople.

But for vast numbers of our people, tradition alone has notbeen enough. And that applies not only to the rebelliousamong us who may have cast aside their traditions with im-punity, but also for many ordinary,thinking people who feel that todo something just because "that'sthe way it has always been done"is simply not good enough.

So what if my grandfather did it?My grandfather rode around in ahorse and buggy! Must I give upmy car for a horse just becauseZayde rode a horse? And if myBobba never got a university de-gree, that means that I shouldn't?So, just because my grandparentspracticed certain Jewish traditions, why must I? Perhaps thosetraditions are as obsolete as the horse and buggy?

There are many Jews who think this way, and who will notbe convinced to behave Jewishly just because their grandpar-ents did.

We need to tell them why their grandparents did it. Theyneed to understand that their grandparents' traditions werenot done just for tradition's sake, but there were very goodreasons why their forebears practiced those traditions. Andthat those very same reasons and rationales still hold goodtoday.

Too many young people were put off tradition becausesome cheder or Talmud Torah teacher didn't take their ques-tions seriously. They were silenced with a wave of the hand,a pinch of the ear, the classic When you get older, you'll un-derstand, or the infamously classic Just do as you're told.

There are answers. There have always been answers. We maynot have logical explanations for tsunamis and other tzoris,but all our traditions are founded on substance and have in-telligible, credible underpinnings. If we seek answers we willfind them in abundance, including layers and layers of mean-

ing, from the simple to the symbolic to the philosophical andeven mystical.

This week's Parshah features the Song of the Sea, sung byMoses and the Jewish people following the splitting of thesea and their miraculous deliverance from the Egyptianarmies. In its opening lines we find the verse,1 This is my G-d, and I will glorify Him; the G-d of my fathers, and I willexalt Him.

The sequence is significant. First comes my G-d, and onlythereafter the G-d of my fathers. In the Amidah, the silentdevotion which is the apex of our daily prayers, we begin ad-

dressing the Almighty as Our G-dand the G-d of our fathers... Abra-ham, Isaac and Jacob. Again, our G-d comes first. So it is clear thatwhile the G-d of our fathers -- i.e."tradition" -- most definitely plays avery important role in Judaism, still,an indispensable prerequisite is thatwe must make G-d ours, personally.Every Jew must develop a personalrelationship with G-d. We need tounderstand the reasons and the significance of our traditions, lest

they be seen as empty ritual to be discarded by the next generation.

Authentic Judaism has never shied away from questions.Questions have always been encouraged and formed a partof our academic heritage. Every page of the Talmud is filledwith questions -- and answers. You don't have to wait for thePassover Seder to ask a question.

When we think, ask, and find answers to our faith, then thetraditions of our grandparents become alive, and we under-stand fully why we should make them ours. Once a traditionhas become ours, then the fact that this very same practicehas been observed uninterruptedly by our ancestors through-out the generations becomes a powerful force that can inspireus and our children for all time.

Rabbi Yossy Goldman was born in Brooklyn, New York. In 1976he was sent by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, of righteous memory, as aChabad-Lubavitch emissary to serve the Jewish community of Johan-nesburg, South Africa. He is Senior Rabbi of the Sydenham Shul since1986, president of the South African Rabbinical Association, and afrequent contributor to Chabad.org. His book ‘From Where I Stand’- Life Messages from the Weekly Torah Reading was recently publishedby KTAV and is available at Jewish book shops or onlinewww.ktav.vom

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The ads appear – the words are big and bold. They announce the need. They name the blood type. They call outto ‘rachmanim bnei rachmanin’ – and we wonder, who is itthat answers the call? Who is it that reads these words andcan see before their eyes the person in need?

Renewal has become a household word. We all know thatthey are involved with kidney transplants. But what we don’talways know is the story behind the headlines, the human talethat is the impetus for all the heroic efforts. This is just onestory of the ‘simple’ everyday people that populate our nation– and the ones about whom it can be said ‘mi keamcha yisroel’!

This story began almost two years ago when a young man,a young father, collapsed with kidney failure. Immediately allthe resources were marshaled; and the call went out for adonor. In the meanwhile, this young man was tethered to thedialysis machine 3 days a week. His life began to revolvearound the treatment – the dreaded routine.

A few months after the diagnosis, Renewal asked someoneto write a brief description of the young man. This becamethe text of the ad that appeared.

One young mother, we will call her Ella*, read it – and itresonated with her. The idea, in her words, “appealed to me.”But she had just given birth to her youngest child, and thoughshe connected with the need, she pushed it aside. She alsohad the example of her own mother who had tried to becomea donor, but after testing, it fell through. She rememberedher mother’s disappointment. And Ella knew that her motherwould understand her own desire to do this.

More than a year went by; in the meanwhile, the young mancontinued his gut wrenching routine of life revolving arounddialysis. The toll on his wife, even on his child, and on hissupportive family was immense. It appeared to be his role tokeep everyone’s spirits up – to dig deep and use his sense ofhumor to enable everyone to survive each challenge and eachsetback. The search for a donor had not produced any likelycandidates. The road ahead looked bleak. Yet his emunah andbitachon remained strong.

What many people don’t realize is that it costs money to runthe ads. And after the first run, the ad did not appear for quitea long time. You need only open your eyes to see the manylevels of hashgacha pratis that guided this entire story. Onewoman in need of a kidney transplant, having just found akidney through Renewal, realized that there were still otherson the list in need of help. And so she sponsored the ad, theone that had run a year earlier, in hopes of getting a donor.

There was no shortage of tefilos being said to save Chaim*’slife. And the tefilos of his mother were certainly up there aswell. On May 8 (16 Iyar), his mother went through a medicalprocedure of her own – her tefilos as she went into the operating room were directed at a yeshuah for her son. Shedavened that he would find a donor – and be able to reclaimhis life. Two days later Ella, seeing the ad again, responded.

Ella comes from a home where chessed is real and tangible.She herself, with her B”H large family of young children,thought about where she could do something for others. Sheadmires all those wonderful people who devote hours of theirtime to do Bikur Cholim, those who rush to respond to anemergency call as part of Hatzalah, she is amazed by thereadiness of those who solve the myriad problems of everyday life as part of Chaveirim. She realized that Hashemmakes different people who are able to do different things.

The TransplantBy Yaffa Newmark


We might think that the saga of her generosity of spiritwould be a simple one – after all, here she was, a donor, some-one willing to give one of her kidneys so that someone elsecould live a full life. She had the support and encouragementof her husband, of her parents, and most important of all,she was a perfect match. Throughout the process, she kepton saying that she wouldn’t be able to do this without theconstant support and help of Renewal. Ella says that theywere there to take her to the various tests, to encourage herwithout ever pressuring her in any way. The process is onethat requires a bit of patience and determination – and shewas in ample possession of both.

The tests came in and showed that she was a match – the follow-up tests confirmed that she was not simply a match,but that she matched in every particular – just perfect. Thismeant that the likelihood of the recipient accepting the neworgan easily and smoothly – and enjoying a quick recovery –was greatly enhanced. All systems go – but no, not just yet.

Part of the process of being a donor involves making surethat the donor is making a reasonable, rational, and respon-sible decision. It is also crucial that the donor should be actingfreely, without any coercion. Her decision must be hers – andhers alone. And her decision to give must be coming from ahealthy place. So how is this determined? Ella describes meet-ing with a social worker, a psychologist, a donor advocate anda psychiatrist. It was their job to find out what ‘made her tick’,what was the impetus behind her decision.

Meeting this wonderful young woman must have been an eye-opening experience for the professionals. They found before them a healthy person, one whose love of life and ofher family was secure and solid. They also discovered a person whose life revolves around giving to all those aroundher, and with a heart that embraces her entire family – thefamily of klal Yisroel. To Ella, it was a ‘davar pashut.’ If, chasveshalom, a member of her family needed a kidney and shewas able to give one, wouldn’t she? So how could she not giveone to a member of her extended family – for her “achi” –my brother – is not a theoretic term. It is how she lives. Thepsychiatrist and psychologist and social worker felt morecomfortable once they found out that Ella is one of thosepeople who give blood, who give of their time, who has beeninvolved with chessed all her life. Finally, they gave the go-ahead.

Ella was thrilled. Chaim was afraid to believe that this wasreally happening. A date was set – the operating room reserved for the donor and the operating room for the recipient. But not just yet…

The surgeon decided that he wasn’t going ahead. He simply refused – he wouldn’t operate on a healthy young mother witha family of children. The team tried to persuade him – he was

adamant. He knew what the professionals had said – Ella wasa normal, healthy young woman, with a deep desire to give.She was not being reckless, she was not impulsive. Her decision was reasoned. It didn’t matter to him – he refused.

Chaim’s hopes were dashed. Though he hadn’t wanted to believe that the yeshuah was really here, though he had resisted pinning his hopes on a particular day, and a particulardonor, suddenly his future looked bleak. And for the firsttime in all those months of waiting, he felt that he might succumb to despair.

Ella, in the meanwhile, was also devastated. All those tests,all that time. Her disappointment was immense; but most ofall, she felt heartbroken for the young man who now neededto start his wait all over again.

The people at Renewal, however, were not deterred. Theywere convinced – and rightly so – that if Ella still wished todonate than she was going to give a kidney. Of that, therewas no doubt. So, despite the surgeon’s refusal, they said thatif Ella was going to give a kidney anyway, why shouldn’t it beChaim?

And here the plot thickened. Renewal, which has earned the respect and trust of many major hospitals, had just enteredinto a more formal relationship with Mount Sinai MedicalCenter in New York City. Mount Sinai found that Renewalwas a reliable partner in bringing patients and donors to theirattention. They were convinced that Renewal was truly dedicated to the best possible care of donors and recipients.Armed with this confidence, Mount Sinai was willing to enterinto the picture.

Once again, Ella was subjected to examinations by mentalhealth professionals. Once again, they were convinced thatElla is simply a good person, determined to do good. Andthat her decision was made with seichel. A devoted wife andmother, she was not doing anything to jeopardize her family,or herself. She saw an opportunity to help – an opportunityto save a life, and was ready to step up.

Mount Sinai now had to agree that Chaim and Ella wereindeed a match. And they, too, recognized that here was a

perfect match.

Instead of months stretching ahead of Chaim while hewaited for a possible match, he found himself just 3 weekslater in Mount Sinai. In the next operating room was Ella –and the process of kidney transplantation was under way.

To the joy of the doctors, the kidney started working as soonas it was transplanted – while Chaim was still on the operatingtable. Within a few days, both Ella and Chaim were home.And both have B”H enjoyed a quick recovery.

For Ella, she still wonders why people think she did such an“amazing thing.” To her, this was her way of giving – ‘others


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do Hatzalah… this was something I could do.” And she won-ders why anyone would hesitate – to her it’s clear, this issomething everyone can do.

Did Ella share what she was doing with her extended familyand friends? In fact, no. She was concerned that some wouldtry to dissuade her. Just before she actually went in for thesurgery, she did confide in one sister-in-law. The response shegot was wonderful; there was no questioning, no ‘did you aska shaila’ (she had), it was simply an encouraging “You’re doinga wonderful thing.” After she came home from the hospital,and word began to leak out, once again, she did not get thedreaded ‘what were you thinking?’ Instead, she heard a heart-felt “Kol Hakavod.”

For Ella, the lesson she drew from all these encounters wasthat the chochma is in learning how to respond, to think“What does the other person need to hear?” And so she alsoknew what she needed to say to her husband and her motherwho were fully supportive, to her mother who came to watchthe children, she told them both that “You each get 100%”of the credit, the zechus, for what Ella was able to do. Hermother was greeted by those who knew with brochos and“ashrei yeladetah”.

And what of her children, what were they thinking when

told what their mother was doing? The night before, the old-est child was very excited. One child offered, “I’d like to doit as well.”

As to herself, Ella marvels at how well it went. Having had2 C-Sections, she assumed that there would be some pain.However, her recovery was smooth and she says “althoughmost kidney donors I spoke with before my surgery neededpain killers, I did not take even one.” Throughout, she saysshe could see the Yad Hashem. “The truth is”, Ella tells us,“you can see the Yad Hashem in everything. In her own life,she has seen this over and over again”.

Ella describes herself as “just a regular person”. She doeslive with eyes wide open, seeing the goodness of HKB”H atevery step. She says that if you don’t see it, you kvetch. AndElla doesn’t kvetch; Ella is grateful for all the good in her life,and all the chassodim. When she was dealing with the manyattempts to dissuade her from being a donor, she told a socialworker that she doesn’t feel that “my whole life was built upfor this moment. Life will go on.”

And so it does. For Ella and her family, there is a simchathat comes from being happy with what you did. And forChaim and his family, life is back on track – with a healthyfather and a family made whole.


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Lashon will join the Hebrew Language Academy in Brook-lyn, Hatikvah International Academy in East Brunswick, N.J.,Kavod Elementary Charter School in San Diego, Sela PublicCharter School in Washington, D.C., and Harlem HebrewLanguage Academy in Manhattan as the sixth school to bedeveloped based on the HCSC model.

"We could not think of a better way to start the new yearthan to bring our movement -- and another innovative schoolof excellence -- to one of the country's most influential cen-ters of learning and culture," said HCSC Executive DirectorAaron Listhaus. "We want to thank the the LAUSD for theirsupport and validation of our model and applaud the Lashonplanning team for their dedication and passion for creatingmore great educational opportunities for families in the LosAngeles area."

Lashon, which will be located in Van Nuys, plans to startwith 290 students in grades K-2 and grow to serve 660 chil-dren in grades K-6 by its fifth year.

"We are first and foremost very excited for and grateful tothe Los Angeles community, which has provided us with in-credible support as we have gone about developing this proj-ect," said Lashon planning group leader Josh Stock. "Wewould also like to thank the Hebrew Charter School Centerfor their guidance and encouragement, as well as the LAUSD

Board and Superintendent, with whom we have worked longhard to ensure we are building a school of excellence."

ABOUT HCSC

The Hebrew Charter School Center (HCSC) is a nonprofitorganization founded in 2009. The Center's mission is to pro-mote the development and sustainability of the Hebrew char-ter school movement by supporting a network of excellentschools that serve diverse populations of students, fosterstrong inter-personal relationships, advance overall academicand social/emotional well-being, and promote high levels ofHebrew language proficiency and understanding of the cul-ture and history of Israel and its immigrant communities.

HCSC works with planning teams and existing charterschools across the country to:

Build and increase the capacity for designing new, high qual-ity Hebrew language charter schools;

Provide resources for established schools;

Grow a field of educators prepared to lead Hebrew lan-guage charter schools and the movement;

Promote and support a network of high quality Hebrew lan-guage charter schools;

Support local communities to develop Hebrew languagecharter schools and to maximally benefit from their impacton children and families.

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Community Links Issue 224

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Transcript of Community Links Issue 224