Communication Styles: Passive, Assertive, Aggressive

Indiana University

Communication Styles: Passive, Assertive,

AggressiveAmy Hume

Discussion Session #13

Communications Styles

Goals for Today

Understand different communication styles and how they affect others

Practice recognizing and crafting messages in different styles

Learn about assertiveness skills


Have you ever dealt with a difficult person?


It’s all about respect

Passive

No Respect for Self

Assertive

Respect for Self & Others

Aggressive

No Respect for Others


How about…?

Can’t speak up


Communication Styles

Passive Assertive Aggressive

Can’t speak up


How about…?

Loud



Passive Assertive AggressiveCan’t speak up Loud


How about…?

Firm



Passive Assertive AggressiveCan’t speak up Firm Loud


How about…?

Don’t know my rights



Passive Assertive AggressiveCan’t speak up


Firm Loud


How about…?

Direct





Firm

Direct

Loud


How about…?

Bossy





Firm

Direct

Loud

Bossy


How about…?

Honest





Firm

Direct

Honest

Loud

Bossy


How about…?

Pushy





Firm

Direct

Honest

Loud

Bossy

Pushy


How about…?

Respect rights of others





Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy


How about…?

Get stepped on





Get stepped on

Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy


How about…?

Meek





Get stepped on

Meek

Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy


How about…?

Dominating





Get stepped on

Meek

Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating


How about…?

Intimidating





Get stepped on

Meek

Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


How about…?

Too accommodating





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


How about…?

Violate others’ rights using power, position &

language





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating

Violate others’ rights using power, position & language


How about…?

Talks softly





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Firm

Direct

Honest


Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating



How about…?

Recognize the importance of having my needs &

rights respected





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Firm

Direct

Honest


Recognize the importance of having my needs & rights respected

Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating



How about…?

Must get my way





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly

Firm

Direct

Honest



Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way


How about…?

Gives “cold fish” handshakes





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly


Firm

Direct

Honest



Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way


How about…?

Don’t stand up for my rights





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Firm

Direct

Honest



Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way


How about…?

React instantly





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Firm

Direct

Honest



Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


How about…?

Avoid conflicts





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts

Firm

Direct

Honest



Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


How about…?

Confident





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts

Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident

Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


How about…?

Don’t care where or when I “blast” someone





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts

Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident

Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly



How about…?

Realize I have choices





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts

Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident


Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly



How about…?

Effective communicator





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts

Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident



Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly



How about…?

People take advantage of me





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident



Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly



How about…?

Can express my needs





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident




Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly



How about…?

Can be abusive





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident




Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


Can be abusive


How about…?

Vise-like handshake





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident




Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake


How about…?

Make good eye contact





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident





Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


Can be abusive

Vise-like handshakes


How about…?

I like to get even





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident





Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake

I like to get even


How about…?

Speak with firm voice





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident






Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake

I like to get even


How about…?

Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful





Get stepped on

Meek

Too accommodating

Talks softly



Avoid conflicts


Trouble saying “no,” then I’m angry and resentful

Firm

Direct

Honest



Confident






Loud

Bossy

Pushy

Dominating

Intimidating


Must get my way

React instantly


Can be abusive

Vise-like handshake

I like to get even


Passive Style: Summary

Too intimidated to express thoughts and feelings

Forfeits his/her rights or freedomsGives in to demands so he/she will be

acceptedAvoid confrontation at any costOften feels used and taken advantage of Driven by anxiety


Assertive Style: Summary

Recognizes and stands up for own rights while respecting the dignity of others

Focuses on specific issues and problems, without belittling self or others

Expresses opinion without violating others’ rights

Minimizes opportunities to be taken advantage of by others


Assertive Style: Summary

Open, tolerant, and considerate of other’s feelings

Can overcome fear to confront issues that require resolutions

Can communicate feelings of anger diplomatically, without putting others on the defensive


Aggressive Style: Summary

Intimidates others to gain control of their thoughts and actions

Manipulates, accuses, fights

Little or no regard for other’s feelings

Driven by anger


Passive-aggressiveness

Hostility expressed through inaction; inertia used as a weapon Silent treatment Dragging your feet Always being late Never saying what they want to do, then

sulking about it Lame excuses

Plausible deniability is key


ROLE PLAY

Scenario 1: Need two volunteers

Scenario 2: Need three volunteers


Assertiveness Skills

Know your rights Say no and not feel guilty Change your mind about anything Take your time to form a response to a comment or

question Ask for assistance with instructions or directions Ask for what you want Experience and express your feelings Feel positive about yourself under any conditions Make mistakes without feeling embarrassed or

guilty Own your opinions and convictions Protest unfair treatment or criticism Be recognized for your significant achievements

and contributionsFrom Davis, Eshelmann, and McKay (1988)



Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation

Be aware of these strategiesIntimidationContent substitutionPersonal attacks (character assassination)Avoidance

Know your rights



Know your rights Learn to say no Learn to use “I” statements Use eye contact Use assertive body language Avoid manipulation Respond rather than react

Exercise


Your difficult person

What communication style do they use?

How does it make you feel?

How will you change your reaction to them?


Communication is two-way

What questions do you have??


Evaluation QuestionsUse:A. Strongly agreeB. AgreeC. DisagreeD. Strongly disagreeE. Don’t know

1. I found the presentation of material easy to understand.

2. This Advantage session increased my knowledge on the subject presented.

3. I will be able to use some of the information from this Advantage session in the future.

4. The presenter was well prepared for this Advantage session.

5. This presentation should be repeated in future semesters.

#13Tuesday, Sept.

28

Communication Styles: Passive, Assertive, Aggressive

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