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How to Communicate With UnstoppableConfidence in 20 Days Or Less

By

Peter Murphy

All rights reserved. You cannot give this ebook away free or sell it. You do not have resale rights to this

ebook. This eBook may not be reproduced in any format without the expressed written permission of Peter

Murphy. All violators will be prosecuted.

While attempts have been made to verify information contained in this publication, neither the author nor the

publisher assumes any responsibility for errors, omissions, interpretation or usage of the subject matter herein.

This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author and is intended for informational purposes only.

The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages incurred from the

usage of this publication.

Use this information at your own risk.

(C) Copyright 2003 by Peter Murphy [email protected]

Table of Contents


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03 Getting Maximum Value from This Course05 Lesson 1 - Exude Confidence and Be At Your Best In Meetings09 Lesson 2 - Communicate at Your Best, 3 ways to guarantee it13 Lesson 3 - Three Secret Keys to Persuasion Magic22 Lesson 4 - Control Every Conversation27 Lesson 5 - Instant Confidence35 Lesson 6 - Reframing Rejection41 Lesson 7 - 10 Great Ways to Command Attention44 Lesson 8 - Switching Off Negative Thoughts

47 Lesson 9 - Like a Metaphor52 Lesson 10 - Communication Expert Speaks Out58 Lesson 11 - Dealing with Mr.FastTalker61 Lesson 12 - The Self-Appreciation Enhancer66 Lesson 13 - The Listening Pause69 Lesson 14 - The Power of Perspective72 Lesson 15 - Letting go of wanting your own approval75 Lesson 16 - Shifting Focus, the 3 Keys78 Lesson 17 - Magnificent Meetings: 5 Tips for Success

83 Lesson 18 - Instant Relaxation Anytime Anywhere85 Lesson 19 - Persuasive Chunks89 Lesson 20 - 7 Super Tips for Superior Listening Skills

Getting Maximum Value From This Book - The 100% Solution


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This book is in the form of a 20-day course take one lesson at a time and applythe material before moving onto the next lesson. Although it is tempting to read thismaterial as if it is a book you will not gain as much if you do this.

Treat it like a course read, learn and apply the distinctions you read here. And

make sure you pay attention to the exact details of each strategy and technique. Ifyou casually use the techniques without really concentrating and following myprecise directions you will have limited success.

Each lesson is concise and to the point. I have not wasted your time with fluff andlong drawn out explanations. You will also notice that the layout is different to otherebooks you might have read. This is deliberate and designed to make it easier foryou to work your way through the text without getting bogged down in longparagraphs.

Bear in mind that the communication principles you will learn apply to all yourdealings with other people whether that is at home, at work or socially - even if Iexplain a concept by giving a workplace example.

Read on to learn three simple actions you can take to make the most of thismaterial.

1. 1% A Day

Aim to be slightly better today than you were yesterday. Evenmarginal improvements really stack up over 30 days, 100 daysand one year. If you commit to making gradual progress in yourcareer one day at a time you will be stunned at how quickly youmove ahead.

At the rate of 1% a day you will be 100% better as acommunicator in just 100 days. In fact you will be even betterbecause those gradual gains compound to ensure your gains buildupon each other.

Now I know you cannot measure your progress so exactly stillthis intention when acted upon will yield results.

As you read this you may well think that this is obvious. Itis. But do you live this principle?

This intention to improve gradually and consistently only workswell when you have a solid strategy to take you where you wantto go. And this is where this course fits in. Each lessonprovides you with proven strategies that work in the real world.


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2. Apply the material in each lesson immediately

When I first learned the material we cover in this course Iurgently needed help in my career. And because I was hungry tolearn and desperate to find something that worked I soaked up

every word of wisdom and I immediately applied what I learned.

And my results reflected this commitment to learning andapplying techniques that work when you work them.

What I notice in life is that my commitment to using what Ilearn is unusual. Most people seem to get caught up in day today matters and forget to use the strategies they learn.

Please save yourself from falling into that trap.

To get maximum benefit from this course you have to apply thecontent of the daily lesson. Give yourself at least 25 minutesa day to absorb the material and to use what you learn.

Profound wisdom always looks obvious. When you read a lessonbe careful not to make the mistake some people make.

What mistake? The mistake of thinking you knew that alreadywhen in fact you missed the subtlety that makes the techniqueor strategy work.

And if you have seen a similar strategy before - have you usedit consistently and played with it until it has worked for you?

I offer you guidance and help with each lesson to ensure youcrack the code that allows you to get results. Call on me toadvise you if you get stuck. [email protected]

3. Revisit the lessons often

Reading the lessons will not improve your communication skills.Reading and applying the material intelligently will help youto move ahead quickly in your career.

However I urge you to go one step further and to excel withthis material. Revisit the lessons often.

Schedule time each week to study the material and to find moreways to use it. Repetition is the mother of skill. To move ahead


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quickly in your career and in your social life takes just alittle intelligent and focused action one day after the next.

Once you have completed the course revisit each lesson at leastonce every month. With each passing month you will be able to

do this in less time as you the material starts to sink in.

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Lesson 1 - Exude Confidence And Be At Your Best In MeetingsAnd Social Gatherings

In this lesson I will be covering a peak performance strategythat top sportspeople and professional communicators use allover the world.

This is the kind of material that CEOs pay thousands ofdollars to learn. Why? Because these strategies can give anyonethe edge they need to get ahead.

It is called mental rehearsal, which is widely known about onlythe difference here is that we will incorporate several NLPdistinctions into the process to maximize the positive effectof this mental conditioning.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP is the study of humanexcellence and by utilizing NLP you can be at your best whenyou need to be in a meeting.

I will walk you through the process by applying it to a meetingsituation. Bear in mind though that you can use this process toprepare for any situation when you need to make a goodimpression on other people whether that be at a party, a familygathering or at work.

I have used this strategy to prepare for sale meetings where Iabsolutely had to be at my persuasive best. It works very well.But only if you follow the steps exactly.

The Confidence Super Charger:

Step 1

Define in detail how you want to perform in the meeting or social event.

Describe to yourself in words the way you want to be. Howwould you look and sound to a neutral observer?


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e.g. I see myself in an room sitting by a desk. I lookrelaxed, and I am smiling, alert and energetic. I am payingclose attention to the other people in the room. My posture isupright and I am making conversation easily and effortlessly. I

exude confidence, charisma and power.

Step 2

Mentally rehearse the meeting from the perspective of anobserver.

In your imagination visualize yourself looking comfortable andat ease meeting people, feeling relaxed and confident.

Pretend that you are observing yourself from the other side ofthe room. The trick here is to imagine events unfolding invivid 3D with rich colors.

For many people, making the image large and close also helps tomake it feel more realistic. Have fun playing with the imageuntil it seems as real as watching T.V. or a movie screen.

Take care also to introduce sounds - maybe the scratching of apen on paper, the squeak of a moving chair or the sound of yourown voice exuding authority and confidence.

You can make sounds come to life by turning up the volume as youimagine that you are listening to full, resonant sounds in theroom so that it is as if you are really there.

Introduce feeling as well - sense the atmosphere in the room,the temperature and mood, and soak up the aura of success thatyou exude in the imagined picture.

Then introduce different scenarios for different types ofpeople you may encounter. Imagine talking to someone who isputting you under pressure!

See yourself politely dealing with everything thrown at you.What will you do if you are left sitting there facing a wall ofsilence? See yourself acting decisively and without fear tomove onto the next opportunity to create rapport.

Picture yourself at ease with whoever you talk to, it is especiallyimportant to consider worst-case scenarios and to visualizeyourself handling each challenge with unstoppable confidence.


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Take time to create rich colors, resonant sounds and strongfeelings. The more realistic you make it the more powerful theeffect will be.

Some people have trouble visualizing and if this applies to yousimply pay more attention to sounds and feelings and sense thescene unfolding.

Step 3

Mentally rehearse the meeting from your own perspective.

When you are pleased with the imagined performance you areproducing, step inside the image of yourself and run throughthe scenarios again as if YOU are now doing it.

See, feel and hear it as if it is really happening. This time,you are looking out into the world from your own eyes, so yourarms are directly in front of you with people facing you, asyou feel your clothes on your body.

Allow it all to unfold in great detail - make it as real aspossible by letting your imagination free to create a rich andcolorful panoramic view of a successful day.

Finally, pay special attention again to feelings, really spendtime imagining yourself feeling exactly the way you want tofeel, and then crank it up and double the intensity until itcould not possibly get any better. Then, imagine it even betteragain!

Step 4

Set up a peak performance signal.

Ask yourself - what signal will you use as a reminder to useyour ability to perform in this way?

I use the feeling of sitting on my own and getting tense as mymind goes blank. The signal can be something you see, feel orhear inside or outside yourself and it must happen at or closeto the point of wanting to speak to someone.

Other examples include seeing yourself surrounded by a group ofstrangers, hearing someone ask you your opinion, or the feelingthat you want to be more outgoing even as you feel yourself


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getting more self-conscious right now - why not useself-consciousness to trigger better communication skills!

Imagine the signal happening and visualize yourself performingat your best in the meeting.

Some final points.

Like anything in life it takes time to get really good atmental rehearsal. Using this visualization technique for twentyminutes a day will train your brain to perform new behaviors.The results will astound you.

All the business leaders I worked with put in the time to learnnew skills that had the potential to move their career forward. Youneed to do the same by applying what we have covered here today.

Repetition builds skill!

When I first learned this technique I used it at least threetimes a day until I found I could do it easily and effortlessly.

Judge mental rehearsal by trying it out in the real world anddecide for yourself how effective it can be. Use it to preparefor those crucial meetings and enjoy the satisfaction thatcomes from knowing that you are performing at your very best.

Eventually you will be able to use this approach in day-to-daysituations on the spur of the moment by focusing on using thepower of your imagination.

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Action Steps For Your Success

1 Spend time daily using The Charisma Super Charger. Ifpossible use it for 15 minutes before work each morning andduring your lunch break if you can get some time to yourself.

Your goal is to train your brain through repetition toestablish a new way of behaving as a habit.

2 Each time you use this mental rehearsal technique aim to makethe scene even more life like than the last time. By doing thisyou will install the new behavior pattern more quickly.


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3 If you have trouble visualizing build as realistic a scene asyou can through imagined sounds and feelings. Ultimatelythough your goal is to create vivid three dimensional scenesrich in color, sound and feelings.

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Lesson 2 - Communicate At Your Best, 3 ways to guarantee it

Today we will cover a distinction that really does separate themen from the boys! If you neglect this one principle everythingelse you do will suffer.

All top communicators apply this principle without fail because itis crucial to their long term success. Read on!

Without exception every corporate Vice President understandsthe importance of thorough preparation.

To make this point in a way that really hits home I found andinterviewed a success expert who was willing to tell you in hisown words HOW to prepare for success.

I interviewed Charles Burke, entrepreneur and author of twobooks on success and luck. This is an excerpt that reveals somelittle known secrets that will help you to communicate at yourbest.

If what he says sounds unusual then just hang in there. I haveconsistently found that those people who rise to the top dothings differently.

Charles gets straight to the point. Read on and learn.

PETER: What does it take to communicate at your best?

For an event like an interview, a meeting or a presentation weall know that we should prepare beforehand. What else can we doto have lady luck on our side?

CHARLES: There are three kinds of preparation.

There's short-term preparation. If you'll be presenting asales talk or a speech before anybody - whether it's a largegroup or a solitary listener - you'll want to practice yourtalk again and again till it rolls off your tongue almost


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automatically. Like memorizing your lines in a play.

The second type of preparation is the long-term stuff. Thiswill have started years earlier.

You should know the material in your field so thoroughlythat you can talk on the topic and answer virtually anyquestion right off the top of your head.

This long-term preparation is what makes you an expert, andmakes people come asking for your opinions and your time.

The third type of preparation is the inner work. This iswhere all your other hard work and preparation is turnedinto synchronicity (or what ordinary folks call luck).

Here's where you create those seemingly magical breakthroughmoments that defy all "scientific" logic.

And how you do it is utterly simple. Child's play, actually.

You just imagine what you want in as much detail aspossible.

Just like a child daydreams or builds fantasies, you do thesame.

What do you want? Imagine having it, or doing it, or beingit. Enjoy the experience as though it were happening rightthis very moment.

I'll give you a recent example.

I've been selling my book on the Internet for some months,and with some success, but in all those months, no one hadever voluntarily written to tell me how much they enjoyedreading it.

When I sent out email asking for comments or testimonials,I'd receive some, and they were good, but nobody ever justthought to write me on their own initiative.

Then one day, on my walk along the beach, I startedpretending that I was reading letters from my readers: "DearMr. Burke, thanks so much for writing your book. My life haschanged since reading it."


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And "Dear Charles, I printed out a copy of your book andgave it to my daughter. In the last two months she has gonefrom jobless, penniless and heartbroken to happy, well-paidand engaged to be married to a wonderful young man."

I went on like that for about an hour, letter after letter,and some of those stories were so touching I had tears in myeyes. Do you think it's weird that I'd respond emotionallyto my own made-up letters?

Weird or not, the next day, emails started coming in fromreaders telling me how much they had enjoyed my book andwhat it had done for them. Some of the stories were sopersonal I would never use them for testimonials, but allwere emotionally stirring.

So if you want something to change in your life, justimagine it. See it. Hear it. Smell it. But most important ofall, fill it with all the emotion you'd feel if it werehappening right now. Because in your mind, it IS happeningright now.

All three types of preparation are essential. For example,if you prepare all your material for a speech or a salescall, but you never get emotionally comfortable with theidea, you can end up sabotaging yourself.

On the other hand, if you do the emotional preparation bymobilizing your imagination, you may attract some wonderfulopportunities. But if you haven't practiced and aren't readyto do the actual work involved, you are likely to fall flaton your face.

It takes all three types of practice to make you into a well-rounded package. First, you need an expert's backgroundknowledge so that you understand what you're doing overall.Second, you need the specific facts regarding your currentclient or audience. And third, you need to have your ownemotions and self-beliefs on your side.

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1 Choose a meeting or other event you want to perform well at.


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Run through your speech or talk at least five times on your own.As you practice do so with energy, enthusiasm and speak aloudas if someone is listening attentively.

Pay attention to your body language and make sure you simply

exude charisma and energy. Keep going until you achieve this.If you get stuck choose a role model and act as if you are thatperson.

Whenever I get stuck I pretend I am the President speaking withthe authority and presence that comes with that position.

2 Brainstorm. What information do you need to perform your jobbetter?

Your goal is to be an authority at what you do. You want to beone of those people in the office who always has the answer.

Cultivating charisma and a sense of authority will get you introuble fast if you cannot back up your superior communicationskills with quality work.

Make a list of what you need to learn and schedule time intoyour week to acquire this crucial knowledge.

3 Let you imagination run riot

In lesson 1 two days ago we learned how to use a powerful peakperformance approach to mentally rehearse before a key meeting.

Today I want you to go one step further. Imagine your speech ormeeting going better than ever before. Stretch yourimagination.

See people praising you, and telling you with passion how goodyou are.

Enjoy the feelings of success and then make the fantasy evenbetter. Make it better than it has ever been.

Why? To smash through your self imposed limitations and totrain your brain to produce better performance. Until you canimagine yourself performing better you never will.

If you read the biographies of people like Walt Disney, HenryFord and other people who built huge businesses you will find


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they all shared at least one thing in common.

Each one of them had a magnificent obsession, a goal theywanted to achieve which they visualized constantly until itcame about in the real world.

Walt Disney stared at an orange grove and saw Disney Land. NowIt is your turn to stretch your imagination to see yourselfperforming better than ever.

The difference between your imagined reality and the actualreality will create an inner tension that will propel you tofind the solutions you need to move ahead.

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Lesson 3 - Three Secret Keys to Persuasion Magic

Today we look at persuasion and how to be more persuasive. Somepeople have the illusion that once you rise to the level of aVice President or CEO that you can get things done by issuingorders and directives. Not true!

The most successful people understand that true successdepends on the buy in of every member of the team. Unless youcan persuade others to join you, work with you and strive toget results in the face of problems you have no chance ofwinning.

You must become more persuasive to realize you true careerpotential and to fully enjoy your social life.

P.S. Today is a double lesson bonus today! After the firstlesson below read on to learn even more strategies you canimmediately use at work.

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Three Secret Keys to Persuasion Magic

Effective persuasion is more a case of pressing the rightbuttons than most people realize. If you could learn to be evenmore persuasive than you already are imagine the differencethat would make to the quality of your life.

Consider for a moment the difference it would make to yourconfidence and to how other people treat you if you could count


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on always being able to express your self in a way that causespeople to really pay attention to you.

Any truly effective person I have ever dealt with did not rely onhis or her position alone to command respect and attention.

You can only achieve so much with other people by forcing themto do what you command. True success in all areas of your lifedepends ultimately on your ability to get people on your side.

And unless you exude a persuasive charm that makes people wantto help you will eventually hit a ceiling on how high you can go in life.

Just a few critical distinctions can supercharge your communicationskills:

1 Appeal To Values

Values are the criteria by which people make sense of all theinformation they must process before making a decision. Insimple terms, your values consist of what is most important toyou.

When you ask someone: what is most important to you about .?They will tell you their values. Let's say you ask them theircareer values, what is most important to you about your career?

They might answer: money, approval, and winning. Speak to themin terms of these values and you will have their attention,talk about what is not important to them and don't be surprisedif they fall asleep!

In the case of this example if you wanted to hire this person,you would grab their interest by showing them how they couldhave more money, approval and win more often with your company.

If instead you talked at length about the modesty, politenessand punctuality of the workforce you would be wasting your time.

Obviously if you cannot fill their values, let them know rightaway and you will save a lot of time having a conversation thatis going nowhere.

All highly persuasive people appeal to values. Think ofpeople you work with who consistently get people to take action


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and get things done. How do they do it?

Some people appeal to your sense of pride: only you can handlethis project because you are uniquely skilled to succeed. Orhow about appealing to your need to feel appreciated: I really

value your role in the team and I will make sure that everyoneelse in our department hears about the good work you are doing.

I could list hundreds of ways to appeal to values. Instead I amgoing to simplify it for you.

We all crave security, approval and control in our lives morethan anything else. And you can easily spot these desires inother people once you know what you are looking for.

At work consider those people striving for approval. Thesepeople want to be liked by everyone and find it hard to say No.

The ones looking for security often worry constantly aboutthings that could go wrong.

While those chasing control live very structured lives with aplace for everything and a lack of spontaneity in how theyapproach life.

We all share aspects of these three characteristics but onetends to dominate for each person.

If you work for a boss that must have control then appeal tohis needs when you want to win his buy in. Talk to him abouthow he will have more control over the company by agreeing toyour plans. And explain how the future success of the businesswill be hard to ensure without your project.

If you want to get a colleague to help you out and she needsapproval explain how you always enjoy working with her. Tellher this is an opportunity for other people to see howcompetent she is.

Finally, to appeal to a coworker who wants security explain howyou can work together to produce high quality work that willensure you are making a valuable contribution to the business.And as a result you will both be making your job count. Ask forhis help in figuring out what can go wrong and how to safeguardagainst such consequences.

One final point. Be sincere. Never use these persuasion


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principles to mislead, cheat or deceive another person. Andremember to sue these strategies at home as well!

2 Let Go

Have you ever wanted something so much that your nerves got inthe way of expressing yourself clearly? That rush of excitement

just seemed to burn out some critical speech circuits!

When you absolutely need to be at your persuasive bestironically you must also feel that you can walk away from thedeal or discussion without getting what you want.

Developing emotional detachment while still pursuing your goalis a powerful skill that more people could do well to master.How can you let go of the feelings while still wanting the goal?

Run through the scenario again and again in your mind, and seeeverything working out in your favor. Picture it, hear it andfeel it going your way. Only when you have visualized this ingreat detail are you ready to let go.

Ask yourself: could I just let go of wanting this to happen?Spend a few minutes asking this question until you feel at peaceabout your goal, when you feel at ease you will know that youhave let go.

Letting go is vital if you are to be at your persuasive best.The best influencers prepare emotionally in advance of the bigevent, you now know how to join them.

We will return to the principle of letting go later in thiscourse because it is so important.

Have you ever been on a roll and felt unconcerned about howwell you did at work? If you have experienced this you were inflow, a state of total concentration when you perform at yourbest without a concern for the results and without the tensionyou normally feel when you are worried about the outcomeof your efforts.

When you let go the results seem to take care of themselves.


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3 Be Persistent And Count To Ten

I once worked for the best salesperson I have ever come across.I could never figure out what it was he did differently than

everyone else. What was the secret to doing so much better thaneveryone else?

A number of years later he set up his own company, which grewquickly under his leadership. And he taught his sales force howto deal with rejection and persist until the sales come in.

One day I asked Paul what his secret was. He told me. He saidthat he will listen to *No* ten times before he even considersgiving up on a prospect. Whereas most salespeople grow weary orgive up after hearing No the fifth time, Paul is only gettingstarted!

I took on board his philosophy and immediately found that I wascatching more of those tricky sales as well as enjoying theselling game a little more.

Regardless of what your job function is you can be sure youwill get more done at work if you persist just a little morewhen you ask for help.

Maintain rapport at all times and just keep asking until youget the help, resources or time you need from your colleagues.Make a joke of it: yes, me again just asking for a few minutesof your time!

I have noticed that people outside of the sales profession willgive up very quickly if someone says No. Have you ever seen asenior executive take No for an answer after one or twoattempts? Of course not.

The higher you go in the company the more that is expected ofyou. Unless you get more persistent you will never ever achieveall that you are tasked to do.

Charm plus persistence equals results!

Even outside of work situations, a little persistence goes along way. Be charming as well as tenacious and people will goout of their way to help you. Be persistent with a smile onyour face and count to ten!


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1 Appealing to values

Make a list of the key people in your life. ThoseFriends and colleagues you deal with on a daily basis.

For each one figure out whether control, security or approvalis the dominant motivation that drives them at work.

Next, think about how you usually deal with each of thesepeople and notice that when you have appealed to their dominantmotivation you have had more influence.

Finally, resolve to change your approach and talk in terms ofcontrol, approval or security based on who you are talking torather than your own needs.

2 Let go to grow

Each day when you commute to work in the morning take somequiet time to ask yourself these questions:

Could I let go of wanting to succeed today?

Could I let go of wanting to fail today?

And during the day be ready to deal with stress by letting goof those things you cannot change. You can help to feel morerelaxed by asking yourself: could you let go of wanting control?

In the case of each of these questions the goal is to let thefeelings go. It is not a mental exercise. Ask the question andnotice your feeling response. Often you will feel lighter andmore relaxed. You might even breathe more deeply within seconds.

The more you let go the easier it is to persuade others becauseyou do so without that sense of desperation or need that canrepel people.


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3 Build your persistence

At work notice how persistent the executive staff are comparedto most of their subordinates.

Make it a game to spot who persists the most in the face ofrejection of his ideas. Count how many times each person willtake No for an answer before giving up. You will be amazed atwhat you see.

For yourself do the same. Observe how persistent you are andwork at hearing No at least ten times before you even considergiving up. Be flexible and charming and you will find that veryfew people will be able to resist your requests.

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Turning Around Buts

It was a great management development seminar. A reallyinformative one. To attend it I had traveled for over fivehours by train to Bristol, a city in the South West of England.And I was really impressed by both the presenters and the greatcontent.

The course was about language patterns. How to spot them, howto use this knowledge to get more rapport with people and how toleverage these patterns to construct more persuasivepresentations.

Just before the lunch break I learned a really cool trick whichanyone can use to turn around objections and to get someone tolisten to your point of view even when they are resistant towhat you have already said.

Have you ever noticed the effect using the word BUT has onpeople? For example if I say: Your hair looks great BUT thoseshoes look terrible! How do you feel? Did you completely ignorewhat I said before I used the word BUT?

Using *but* in a statement tends to wipe out whatever comesbefore it and to shift attention to what comes after the wordbut.

Here are some more examples for you to see what I mean:

1 He could be the right person for the job BUT he is not PC


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literate.

2 I want to go to the store with you BUT I do not want to drive.

3 Josh is very friendly BUT he does not listen to what I say

The cool trick I learned at the seminar goes like this. Turnaround the sentence so that what came before the BUT swapsplace with what came after the but.

Then the statements above are changed to:

1 He is not PC literate BUT he could be the right person for thejob.

2 I do not want to drive BUT I want to go to the store with you.

3 He does not listen to what I say BUT Josh is very friendly.

Did you notice the effect this has on the meaning of eachstatement? In each case the emphasis has completely shifted eventhough the overall message is the exact same. The stress willalways revert to what follows the word BUT.

This knowledge has a very practical application. Let us say youare in a heated discussion with someone and you want toconvince them of the merits of what you have to say. You needto find a way to deal with their objection and then you hearthem say something like:

I would like to do what I can now BUT I need to check with mymanager!

You could then, in a friendly way, say in response:

So, you need to check with your manager BUT you would like to dowhat you can now!

The other person has put the emphasis on delaying theproceedings while you have artfully put the emphasis back ontowhat can be done right away. Now, take the discussion down thisavenue which you have just opened up.


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How else is this insight useful? What about when you are notdealing with objections? First of all where possible refrainfrom using the word but. Instead use AND in its place when youdo not want to stress one part of a two barreled statement overthe other.

By using AND you can make the same statement and do so withoutputting rapport at risk in the same way that BUT jeopardizesthe flow of a conversation.

Let us see how the above three statements look when we use ANDinstead of BUT:

1 He is not PC literate AND he could be the right person for thejob.

2 I do not want to drive AND I want to go to the store with you.

3 He does not listen to what I say AND Josh is very friendly.

In these examples did you notice how using AND softens yourmessage? You also give equal weight to each element of themessage. Using BUT tends to encourage disagreement whereas ANDencourages cooperation.

Play with this tactic and you will find it amazing the hugeimpact you can have by just changing one small word.

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1 Commit this three step formula to memory.

A. Deal with objections by rearranging the sentence around BUT.

B. When stating the newly arranged sentence do so with rapport.

C. Use AND instead of BUT to soften your own message.

2 Use this formula at least three times a day for the nextseven days at home and at work until you can use it withoutthinking about it.

3 Pay attention when you see people in positions of power usingBUT and notice the impact this has on their staff.


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Lesson 4 - Control Every Conversation

You have already learned some powerful strategies just rememberto apply these new skills each day. The difference betweenknowing what to do and doing it is a big one.

And the people who apply strategies that work move ahead veryquickly. One trait of all highly successful individuals is alove of learning new things and a commitment to life longlearning.

Devote 30 minutes each day to developing your communicationskills and before long you will exude a powerful charisma thatputs you first in line for new opportunities.

There is no shortage of people with your skills but very fewpeople who can get results, command the support of theircoworkers and friends, and communicate in a way that demandsattention.

Once you have highly developed communication skills the qualityof your life will change dramatically.

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Control Every Conversation

Regardless of who you are and where you belong in the corporatestructure you can exert more influence and take charge of yourdestiny by learning how to control the conversations you havewith both your colleagues and your superiors.

Making the most of any conversation presupposes that youalready know how to express yourself well. Even so unless youare equally as skilled when it comes to taking charge of thedialogue that passes between you and another person you caneasily be left out and find yourself just observing andwondering what to do to get back into the conversation.

This is especially true when you find yourself in a group situation.

Have you ever felt tongue tied as a group slowly forgot you were


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even present? Have you ever had a conversation with asalesperson and felt exhausted afterwards? In both cases it islikely that you were not at all in control of the conversation.

In the example of the group, you did not know how to get back

into the conversation; while with the salesperson, you werejumping through hoops as she directed a focused line ofquestioning giving you little opportunity to take back control.

There is a better way. We can rebuild you! Lets look at threehighly effective ways to take back control.

Three points of leverage for controlling conversations:

1 Ask Questions:

Whoever is asking the questions is in control of theconversation. Even when the other person has power by virtueof their position you can still exert control by askingquestions.

You could ask for clarification on key points, you might ask himto repeat an important issue or you could suggest that heexplain himself in a different way so that you can betterunderstand what he wants from you.

In this way you can exert your influence and ensure that youare not steamrolled into accepting something before you have amoment to think it through. Asking questions also gives youmore time to decide how to respond.

Questions direct the flow of conversation. You can use them toavoid topics you do not want to discuss, to draw attention toimportant information and to find out exactly what yourcoworkers want when they request your input.

Be careful though and ask specific questions that will lead youtowards the accomplishment of your goals. Instead of askingyour boss for a pay rise ask her - what specific results do youneed to produce to guarantee a pay raise?

If you want to double your pay - ask what do you need to do toachieve this goal? What exactly would you need to contribute tothe business to make it a win-win for everyone involved?

Too few people want more responsibility in the workplace. Askfor it by asking the right questions and you will know what is


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expected of you before you take on more work.

Effective managers ask a lot of questions before they commit todelivering a new project by an agreed deadline. You can do thesame and avoid putting yourself in situations where you cannot

win.

2 Listen Effectively:

In the context of controlling a conversation, it is worthremembering that everyone has an ego and all of us areconvinced that our opinions are correct and that they are worthhearing. Who does not love the opportunity to share their wisdomwith someone who really wants to hear it?

The better you become as a listener the more easily you willcommand power in a conversation.

It is a sad and unfortunate reality that husbands do not reallylisten to their wives; friends do not always pay full attentionto each other; and, coworkers are in all honesty moreinterested in solving their own problems than giving youcomplete attention when you are talking to them.

This represents a huge opportunity for all of us. If you committo becoming a great listener you will never have any difficultymaking new friends, people will like you because you really givethem your full attention. This demonstrates that you respectthem and they in turn are more likely to respect you.

Make a point of giving each person your complete attention whenthey are talking. The other person will feel valued andsignificant and more open to letting you share your views andwants.

The best influencers and persuaders have a knack for making youfeel important. How? By genuinely giving you 100% of theirattention.

Do the same and you will stand out from the crowd.

3 Give First:

In a conversation, give first without wanting or expecting


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anything in return. Giving could mean, giving information,advice or offering to help fix a problem.

By giving, you will feel better about yourself; and by actingwith generosity you will feel more positive, caring and

genuinely interested in the welfare of the other person. Andwhen you feel good about yourself and others, people justcannot help picking up on those warm, loving feelings.

It is then relatively easy to have a meaningful conversationwhere everyone shares and you can ensure that you get to saywhat needs to be said.

In a work context, you may choose to give only in return foranother favor, it depends on your assessment of who you aredealing with. Where possible though do give small favors justbecause it feels good and creates a great working atmosphere.

At a meeting at some later date you will be amazed at thegoodwill you have generated when people want to hear what youhave to say. It will only be then that you realize the power youhave to influence with just words and an attentive audience.

The first time I did this I was staggered by the results. Iwas walking back into the office after lunch with a small cakethe people in the sandwich store gave me as a special offer. AsI walked past the receptionist I paused to ask her if she wouldlike a cake.

Her usually tense face opened out into a warm smile and thisone gesture made her day. From that day forward she was alwayskeen to help me whether I needed to book a meeting room or justpage someone.

To sum up, asking questions puts you in control, being a greatlistener earns you bonus points for when you speak, and givingfirst allows you to create a friendly atmosphere grounded inrapport.

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1 Better Questions

Stop asking vague questions that do not take conversationsforward.

Instead make a point of asking highly specific questions. Bydoing this you will become more productive at work because youwill be getting straight to the heart of the matter in afraction of the time it would otherwise take.

During the coming days and weeks observe the questions you askand gradually ask more and more specific questions when you aregathering information.

As well, when you are under pressure remember to ask questionsto buy time to think your way out of problems!

2 Listen More

Decide to give coworkers 100% attention and you will get abetter response from the people you work with. Look away fromthe PC, put down your paperwork and face the person speaking toyou.

Never again allow yourself to half heartedly listen. If you aretoo busy reschedule the discussion rather than insult people bynot participating fully.

It is time to hold yourself to a higher standard. There is nobetter way to move ahead in your career. Expect more ofyourself each day and you will quickly surpass all othersworking at your level.

3 Giving First

Choose five people who are key to your success at work. Perhapsthe receptionist, the office manager, the mail room clerk andthe department manager. Each one of these people can help youto get ahead because of their access to people and information.

Look for ways to help each one of these people out when theyare fully stretched. And do it to help them and not forimmediate gain. If you do this out of a sincere desire to helpyou will win lifelong friends.


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Next week pick another five people and week by week work yourway through the entire office.

Apply the same approach to those key people in your family andcommunity.

It really is amazing what happens when you give with no stringsattached.

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Lesson 5 - Instant Confidence

Today you will learn how to feel the way you want to feelregardless of external circumstances.

Imagine feeling confident and at peace despite gettingreprimanded by your boss. Or feeling charismatic and powerfulin the face of a rude and hostile audience! These are the kindof skills possessed by the leaders of industry and commerce.

Now it is your turn to learn how they do it.

In this lesson we will look at NLP and at one of thefundamental tools of NLP which will prove extremely powerful inhelping you to have more charisma, enthusiasm and fun whenmeeting people. And after you apply what you learn in thislesson you will find it easy to make a great first impressionwhenever you want to make your point and get noticed.

Neuro Linguistic Programming, NLP, is the study of how peoplerepresent experiences, real or imagined, to themselvesinternally, and the corresponding effect on how the nervoussystem functions.

Dr.Richard Bandler, a Gestalt therapist, and John Grinder, arespected linguist, jointly developed NLP in the 1970s. Thesetwo innovative researchers studied highly successful therapistssuch as Dr. Milton Erikson, the gifted hypnotherapist, and VirginiaSatir, an exceptional family therapist, and their findings led themto develop a set of strategies known as NLP.

Today these NLP strategies are used around the world bytherapists, business executives and leading sports peopleto cope with pressure and to perform at their best when theyneed to.


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NLP is all about producing results and often very quickly. IfNLP has an attitude then that attitude is all about producingmeasurable results that enhance the quality of peoples liveswithout a lengthy and painful journey into the past. The

application of NLP is directed towards quickly attaining adesired outcome i.e. what do you want and how soon can you haveit?

In this session we are going to learn all about an easy tolearn NLP technique called anchoring, a simple way to allowyou to change any unwanted feeling to a resourceful feeling ina matter of moments. When you create an anchor you set up astimulus response pattern so that you can feel the way you wantto, whenever you need to.

Imagine what it would be like if you could, in a moment, gofrom feeling anxious to feeling confident and absolutelycapable right in the middle of a stressful meeting when alleyes are on you. Would that ability make a big difference toyour effectiveness at work? Could you now handle the day-to-day pressures of your business more easily?

I will now outline how to establish an anchor. Each step isconcise and must be followed exactly to ensure you create apowerful anchor.

Steps to creating a powerful anchor:

1) Identify the emotional state you want e.g. confidence,charisma, enthusiasm. This step is crucial. You need todefine very specifically how you want to feel. Choosing to feelpowerful and enthusiastic is specific and something you canwork towards. Saying that you do not want to feel anxious ornervous is not much help because you still do not know what youdo want. Select a desired state i.e. specifically how you wantto feel.

2) Recall a particular time in your life when you felt thedesired state. Pick a powerful example. It is worthwhilelooking back at your memories to relive times when you had this


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desired state, the context is unimportant, what is important isrecalling a few particularly strong experiences and thenselecting the most powerful one.

3) Create state: in your imagination put yourself back intothat experience as if it is happening in this moment. Noticewhat you see, hear what you were hearing, feel what you werefeeling in the moment. Allow it to be as if it is happening.

4) Establish anchors: notice how the state builds to a peak andthen declines. Now repeat step 3 only this time just as thestate is about to peak, make a unique gesture with the fingersof one hand as you say a word or phrase to evoke the feeling,while also visualizing an image that represents the state.

e.g. clench your left fist as you softly say to yourself HOTSTUFF...while you picture someone who represents confidence foryou e.g. a Hollywood actor. Hold the state for a few moments,release the anchors and then break state.

Change your emotional state by thinking about somethingcompletely different and by changing your posture.

5) Repeat step 4 five times so as to build a resilient anchor.

This repetition is crucial.

6 Test the anchors by firing them (make the unique gesture,say the word/phrase, picture the person that representscalmness) and check that you do experience the desired state.You will know that you have successfully anchored the resourcewhen you can access the desired state by firing any one of thecomponent anchors i.e. the visual (picture), auditory(word/phrase) or feeling (gesture) anchor. You ought to feelthe anchored state within 10-15 seconds.

If the feeling is not satisfactory then choose a differentexperience that more precisely gives you the appropriate state.

To make sure your anchoring works as well as possible you needto learn about the secrets to powerful anchoring. There are sixdistinctions that will supercharge your anchoring skills.


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The six secrets to powerful anchoring:

1 Only anchor an intense state i.e. a strongly felt experience.

2 Pick an experience that is pure and not mixed with otherfeelings.

3 Use unique anchors so the state is only accessed at will.

4 Timing is crucial, fire the anchors before the peak andrelease before the peak declines.

5 Spend time at anchoring to become skillful. Allow 20-30minutes per session.

6 Reinforce periodically to keep the anchor strong since theintensity may fade over time.

Using anchors can make a massive difference to your ability todeal with people. Instead of hoping you will feel capable whenyou next need to express yourself, just fire your anchor and ina moment feel the way you want to feel.

Maybe you want to feel relaxed in a crowded place, fire yourrelaxation anchor and you have it in an instant. Perhaps youwant to feel powerful, then fire your power anchor and in a fewmoments you can go from feeling like you are under surveillanceto feeling in charge of your feelings and your world.

You can also stack anchors. This means that you would selectyour desired state and anchor it as above and then repeat theprocess with a different state but using the same gesture, wordand picture.

For example you could anchor confidence to a clenched left fist,say POWER and picture James Bond. Then you could start the

anchoring process again to anchor a time when you had a hugegrin on your face to the same clenched left fist, POWER and theimage of James Bond.

Before you know it you will be able to feel powerful AND happyin a moment. How about stacking enthusiasm too?

This is how I do so well in business when meeting people forthe first time. I always have a powerful anchor ready wheneverI need it. Just before a key meeting I will fire the anchor to


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ensure a great first impression, then during the meeting I willfire the anchor again whenever I feel my state slip.

You can do the same for social occasions.

Will people spot you firing the anchor? No! The secret is tobe subtle. You could say the word or phrase to yourselfquietly in your head or just imagine that image that evokes thedesired state. I like to anchor using subtle gestures such asbringing three fingertips together with a unique pressure.This can be done without anyone noticing.

Anchoring is a life skill that will work for whatever you applyit to. It has relevance for work, family life and relationships.Let us say your spouse has a special talent for getting on yournerves, just fire your calmness anchor and instantly you will havefreedom from the torment!

You can also use this new skill to get more of the importantthings in life. What is of utmost importance to you that youcurrently are missing out on because you never before had theability to change how you feel in a moment? How soon now wouldyou like to use anchoring to enhance your ability to deal withother people?

Take some time as well to review your top goals and values.Then decide which emotional states you need to achieve thesegoals. Create a list of these feelings and schedule 20-30minutes to set up an anchor for each one. Make notes to remindyourself which triggers you will use for each state.

Although this may seem unusual at first, with practice thiswill become second nature. Approach it from the point of viewof having fun learning something different and you will soonbecome skilled at anchoring. When I first learned aboutanchoring I made a point of anchoring three resourceful statesa day. You would be amazed at how quickly your life expandswhen you are feeling phenomenal!

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1 Anchor confidence using the steps above. Take your time, itmight take you 30 minutes the first time you work with anchoring.2 Select four more resource states you would love to have at


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work. Then anchor one a day for the next four days.

For example:

Tuesday - Charisma

Wednesday - Cool Under PressureThursday - PatienceFriday - Relaxed Concentration

3 Fire your anchors while mentally rehearsing your nextmeeting. This will blow your mind!

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Today is a bonus day!

Read on to read an unusual tip that really does work. Bear inmind that some of the strategies that I cover in this coursesound a little strange however I have tested everything formyself. It works!

Please remember to get the most out of this course you mustread AND apply what you learn. Play with the techniques. Testthem out for yourself and expect a little trial and errorbefore you master the techniques.

When I started on the same journey you now find yourself on Iwas really not very good at getting along with people. I had asmall group of close friends and at work I got along withpeople.

However I certainly was not confident, assertive and persuasiveat work. The funny thing is people tend to take you at facevalue so as soon as I invested time in learning how to be abetter communicator people just accepted me as one.

Today I can be confident, persuasive, charismatic or inspiringwhenever I want to be. Only because I invested the time tolearn and use strategies that work.

Charisma is the ultimate goal for you and this will happen aslong as you make a daily habit of applying what we cover inthese lessons.

One last point. Observe yourself and others with curiosity.Always be asking yourself --


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How did she communicate that point so well?

What could he do differently to have more charisma?

How can I get even better at expressing myself?

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As If You Could

When she turned around to see who was watching, everyone waswatching. And not just her boss and the rest of the managementteam but the entire office.

Had Alice owned a magic wand she would have used it to disappearinto thin air only this was not an option. Instead shestood there in front of the crowded conference room wonderingwhere to begin or rather how to begin. You see Alice had gonecompletely blank.

She could not remember any of her well rehearsed script. Insteadshe felt very small and very alone standing there with thespotlight positioned so as to accentuate the tension in herface.

She took a sip of water and felt her heart beating furiously,and with her hand shaking uncontrollably she tried to lookrelaxed as she put the glass back on the table.

It was at that point that Alice decided that enough was enough.She was either going to give the best presentation she could ordie trying. She reminded herself to just * Act As If * To actas if everything is under control, to pretend that she couldand would cope with the situation, and to behave as if she wasa great speaker.

Alice then straightened her shoulders, stood tall and took in abig breath of air conditioned office air. Next she started tomove as if she was in complete charge of the room and alreadyshe felt a little if only a little stronger. Time for overdriveshe thought to herself and decided it was time to exaggerate.

So as she began to speak Alice stood up to the microphone actingout the part of someone with ten times her experience,confidence and charisma. She stood there and spoke with passionand impact.


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And because she was putting so much attention on acting as ifshe was a fantastic speaker, her nerves from earlier retreatedinto the background.

And now over to you.

When you * Act As If * you achieve two results. Firstly, youkeep your conscious mind busy with how you want to feel andbehave in the present moment and this helps to keep negativeself talk out of your mind. Secondly, acting as if allows youto role play and thereby to try out different ways of behaving.

If you have ever played better after watching your favoritesport on TV it is likely that you were performing better becauseyou were copying the approach of your role model. Part of youwas playing as if you were a professional and the resultsfollowed.

Good performance and bad performance in sport and incommunication both involve strategies. To feel worried you mustuse your body and mind in certain ways to feel unresourceful. Tobe worried it really helps if you talk quietly to yourself aboutall the things that can go wrong while tensing your body andtaking shallow infrequent breaths.

Whereas to feel confident or powerful you need to move your bodyin a very different way while thinking different thoughts. Thento really go for it you can pretend that you are your role modeland mimic his or her movements. Although this sounds daft atfirst if you play around with it you will see that it does work.

One word of warning though. Only use the Act As If strategy whenyou need to step into a resourceful emotional state IF and onlyif you have the skills and ability required to perform well ina given situation.

It is easy to get into a state of high confidence and absoluteconviction that you can do ANYTHING. Such a state will help youto perform at your best. However this is no substitute forability or competence.

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1 Use the Act As If strategy at home when you are alone.Practice talking, moving and walking as if you are already ahighly charismatic person.

Notice how you feel. The more often you do this the morefamiliar and comfortable these feelings will become. Eventuallybeing like this will be a habit. A very good habit!

2 Think about how you habitually behave, speak and interactwith other people at work. Without realizing it you are alreadyActing As If.

However you are Acting As If without holding yourself to ahigher standard. You are acting as if you have limitedabilities, confidence and impact.

3 Decide to take charge of the way you behave and communicate atwork. Notice the discrepancy between who you are and who youwant to be.

Gradually Act As If you have charisma in low risk situations atHome and at work until you develop this new habit. Then over timebehave in this way in more important meetings and situations.

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Lesson 6 - Reframing Rejection

Leaders of corporations and wealthy entrepreneurs deal withrejection very differently than everyone else. They accept it asa part of the process of getting ahead. And instead of avoidingit they learn how to handle it.

You must learn to laugh at rejection! Read on to learn how.

P.S. Today is a double lesson bonus day! Read on after thefirst lesson below for even more powerful strategies for yoursuccess.

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Reframing Rejection

Fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears shared by all


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human beings. Nobody wants to feel left out, unwanted ordisliked.

And at the same time what we really want is to be loved andaccepted by everyone - that would be bliss. It will never happen

though because we all have biases, opinions and beliefs thatcolor the way we look at the world.

Every achiever knows that to get ahead she must endure rejection,problems and at times even ridicule. Until you know how to dealwith rejection you will not be ready to up the stakes at work.

Even top managers do not like getting rejected however they donot let it stop them from progressing with their plans. Yourideas and plans will get turned down from time to time but thatis no reason to feel down.

People will reject us no matter how good we look, no matterhow successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If wewere to become even nicer, and even more spiritually aware theywould still reject us so it is a pointless battle trying to winover everyone.

However we can change how we think about rejection. If we changethe meaning of rejection it can become our ally instead of ourenemy. Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedbackinstead. That is, your approach did not work and you need to trya new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view rejection asfeedback or else she will slowly go insane!

So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejectedimmediately set your mind the task of intelligently answeringthis question - how must I change my approach to get what Iwant?

By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you can doand off the other person whose approval is theirs to give or notto give.

Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with aproject at work. You are afraid to ask for help so when you do,your coworker can almost smell this fear of rejection comingfrom you.

So he says No, he is far too busy to help you today. Nowimmediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question -


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How must I change my approach to get what I want?

Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of newapproaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a softdrink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work in return

for help.

It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a chance tohappen. In the case of the example above, before talking to thecolleague I would spend a few minutes in preparation runningthrough possible ways he might reject me. For each possiblesituation, just keep asking yourself - how must I change myapproach to get what I want?

You may not realize, most people just give up too easilybecause rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe rejectionto mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to solve instead.

You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer. Thisendurance will also encourage others to let you have what youwant because you just do not seem to take No for an answer!

****Warning: maintain rapport at all times when you use thisapproach, this new found courage and tenacity is onlyappreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.****

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1 Observe yourself at work and notice how you feel when someonesays No to your proposals. Notice how deflated you feel andthen realize that how you feel depends on the meaning you givethe experience.

2 Reframe five situations where you have felt rejected at work.In each case what did it mean when you were rejected? And, whatwould you like it to mean?

I am not worthy! I am useless! or They made a poor decision! Ineed to change my approach!

You can change the meaning of the experience by deciding to.


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3 Step a few days into the future in your mind and select asituation where it is likely your proposals could be rejected.

4 Decide today what it means if you get rejected.

5 Figure out ways to structure your proposal AND the way youexplain your plans to minimize the possibility of rejection.

The most highly paid executives use rejection as a signal tochange their approach, maybe you could too!

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Dealing With Extreme Rejection - Hostility

Have you ever dreaded an upcoming presentation, meeting orfunction because you just knew that the group would be hostile?Maybe you had heard that these people are very critical, evenaggressive.

How can you prepare for such a situation even though you wouldprefer to disappear into thin air?

1 Use Adversity To Make You Stronger

Very often we make our greatest breakthroughs in the face ofhuge challenges. We improve our performance overnight becausewe absolutely have to so as to avoid dire consequences. Itmight even be a case of get this result now or lose your job.

Knowing that you will be facing a hostile crowd, why not decidenow to prepare for the presentation better than you have everdone before. Decide that you will absolutely take charge of thesituation and then devise a plan to make sure you will beawesome when the pressure is on.

Work on the content of your presentation, your delivery, andespecially on how you will interact with a difficult audience.Anticipate heckling, negative responses and resistance.

Then decide before the event how you will deal with it. Deviseanswers and responses for stupid questions and boorishbehavior.

All too often we do a little preparation before a big event and


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then just hope that it will all turn out right. If professionalsportspeople approached their work like that sport would noteven be worth watching. If all those famous singers, dancersand comedians did not constantly work on their skills BEFORE aperformance then you would never have heard of them.

Giving a presentation takes very little time, and it is the tipof the iceberg, an iceberg that you sculpt in the days beforethe event.

Think for a moment about how much time you spend in preparationfor a speech, a job interview or a meeting. Now DOUBLE the timeyou normally invest in yourself. Spend time on becomingexcellent instead of just aiming to be good.

Use the force against you to become stronger - turn the threatinto an opportunity. The stronger the breeze, the stronger thetrees.

2 State Management

To perform well when the crowd is openly hostile it is criticalto be able to maintain your composure. You will need to be coolunder pressure despite the negativity that you see and hear infront of you. If you need a magic wand then anchoring is theanswer.

Anchoring is the single most effective way of taking charge ofyour emotional state. With an anchor you can change how you feelin an instant, I devoted lesson 5 to it because it is such animportant skill to master.

Consider for a moment - if you could feel any way you wantedto, how would you like to feel in the face of hostility?

Write down the various answers that come to mind. Maybe youwould like to feel confident, powerful, energetic, or evencourageous.

Now, refer to my lesson on anchoring if you need a reminder,then set up an anchor for those resourceful feelings that youwill need in the heat of the moment when the pressure is on.

Then later on when you are speaking, whenever you need to, youcan fire your anchor and instantly go from feeling overwhelmed


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By living this philosophy you take more risk out of your careerand so your work life will be more secure and less stressful.

Every good CEO works very hard to minimize the risk in thebusiness you ought to do the same with your plans to get ahead.

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Lesson 7 - 10 Great Ways To Command Attention

In this course we cover advanced communication skills in everylesson and still you may find that you do not always make asmuch progress as you would like. The reason is resistance.

Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try you just cannotseem to make significant progress? You learn some new skills andare excited about using them only you never seem to get aroundto applying what you learned. No matter what you do your life islike driving uphill with the handbrake on!

What you are experiencing is resistance, one of the biggestbarriers to creating your life the way you want it to be.

Resistance happens when all parts of you are not pullingtogether to get you what you want. Thankfully there is a way ofreleasing resistance so that you can move ahead with greaterease.

Two Steps to Release Resistance:

1 Notice that you are feeling stuck. And then let yourself feelthat resistance in your body, allow it to be there without

judging it or trying to get rid if it.

2 Ask yourself: would I rather stay stuck or would I rather befree of it? Ask yourself this question, notice your answer, andthen ask the question again. Allow yourself five minutes torepeat this process or until you feel more relaxed, lighter andmore at peace.

Then return to your activity with a greater sense of being ableto do whatever it takes to get it done.

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10 Great Ways To Command Your Listener to PayAttention

Every major achiever knows how to talk in a way that causes

people to stop whatever they are doing and pay attention.

To become a superior communicator you have to focus ondeveloping this important skill so I have put together sometips to help you focus your efforts.

These tips are a great starting point to help you to get someoneto listen carefully when that other person is not paying anyheed to what you are saying.

Bear in mind that you need to play with these tips in the realworld each day until they become like second nature. At firstit may seem false and forced but with practice you will be ableto skillfully command attention.

1 Speak more softly. This will cause most people to ask you tospeak up!

2 Confuse your friend. Say something that does not make sense.For example, the cat drove me over because my car is gettingserviced! This is a very effective way to get people to opentheir ears to your words.

3 Use silence by refraining from saying any more. Very oftenthis pause in conversation is uncomfortable and demands thatsomeone says something. Wait for your friend to speak first.

4 Appeal to his values. When you direct the conversation tosomething that is important to your listener what you saybecomes very difficult to ignore.

Let us say you are talking about cleaning the house and youwant it to look spotless. Talk about how good it will feel whenit is nice and clean if he values feeling comfortable and doesnot notice how the place looks.

5 Create urgency. Mention that you only have a few minutes totalk because you have to be somewhere else. It is now or neverso listen up!

6 Ask your colleague if he can keep a secret. This ought to get


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his attention since we all love to be privy to restrictedinformation. Then tell him that you will reveal all after youdiscuss what it is you want to say.

7 Tell a joke or a humorous story. Once you have their attention

and they are smiling they will be more receptive to yourmessage.

8 Speak with massive enthusiasm and smile a lot. This wave ofhigh energy is hard to resist even for the most reluctantaudience.

9 Play with the pace of your speech by speaking way too fast orway too slow until you are asked to repeat yourself! Got him!

10 Compliment something about your coworker. People love tofeel admired and appreciated and if you sincerely complimentsomeone they will know you have good taste. If you have goodtaste you must be worth listening to!

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1 Pick two of these tips a day to play with for the next fivedays and keep adjusting your approach until you can seenoticeable differences in how people respond to your words.

2 Ask yourself - which important person at work never listensto what I say? Use the tips above to catch their attention,then fire your charisma anchor, from lesson 6. Keep talkingwith charisma!

3 Use mental rehearsal to prepare for tomorrow and seeyourself speaking with skill as you incorporate these tips intoyour communication style.

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Lesson 8 - Switching Off Negative Thoughts

One of my mentors, a senior corporate Vice President always hasan uncanny ability to maintain a positive mental attitude evenwhen the projects we are working on are off target.

Like anyone else he does have moments when he loses this


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positive outlook however it was usually only a momentary lapseof reason.

The more senior your position the more is expected of you andthe bigger the challenges you will face at work. As a result it

is critical that you can remain positive and resourceful whenyou face problems at work.

What has this got to do with communication? A lot! Do you likeworking with negative people? Do you enjoy dealing withstressed out coworkers? All the tension and worry rubs off oneveryone else. And it feels uncomfortable does it not?

Consequently to exude charisma even in times of crisis youabsolutely must remain positive. Your non-verbal communicationspeaks louder than your words. Remember that!

Only when you are positive will your words have the true impactand power they can have on your colleagues. In contrast feelingnegative and worried sucks the life out of your message andleaves your listener unmoved and unsupportive.

There can be no enduring charisma without a resilient positivemental attitude. Read on to get yours!

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Switching Off Negative Thoughts

Have you ever found yourself at a work gathering and feltintimidated? Maybe the whirlwind of negative thoughts in yourhead stopped you meeting new people, joining a conversation orparticipating fully.

If only you could take charge of your thoughts you could havea lot of fun, be yourself and make lots of contacts! What ifyou could simply switch off those negative thoughts?

How To Switch Off Negative Thoughts:

1 Use Your Secret Pressure Point

On the roof of your mouth directly behind your two front teeththere is a fleshy ball at the point where your gums meet the


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back of your front teeth.

If you touch this pressure point with the tip of your tongueyou will find that the chatter inside your head eases offdramatically.

Without realizing it a lot of the time your tongue makes veryslight movements to match the inner talk inside your head. Stopthe tongue from moving and the chatter stops.

Touching the pressure point with your tongue also helps torelax you which is a useful benefit when you are alreadyfeeling anxious at a work gathering.

2 Interrupt The Pattern

Your mind can only pay attention to one thing at a time. Takeyour mind off of negative thoughts by giving your mindsomething else to focus on.

I often listen to my favorite music when I want to switch myattention off of negative thoughts. This can be when I amdriving to a meeting or when I am in the office at my desk.

If I am in a meeting and I want to interrupt the pattern oflimiting thoughts I will listen to my favorite music only thistime I recall the memory and hear it inside my head.

A friend of mine with a very stressful job has a great way tostart his day. He listen to the James Bond theme tune up loudwhile he is shaving. Doing this makes him laugh while alsoenergizing him.

Later in the day it is easy for him to recall the tune if heneeds to distract his mind and get off of the negatives thatcan crop up in his demanding position as a senior softwareengineer.

3 Preparation With Disaster Planning

One other way to take charge of the negative thoughts is toprepare before a meeting or work event by discovering anddealing with the negative thoughts before they surface.

Make a list of all the things that could embarrass you. Writedown all the things that could go wrong. And then brainstormawkward situations you might find yourself in.


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Really indulge yourself and let your imagination run riot!

Now! For each hazardous situation write down three ways to dealeffectively with the situation. Take your time at this.

Once you have finished this exercise you will feel moreconfident because you will know you can handle whatever happens.

Get specific! What specifically could go wrong?

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1 Brainstorm those situations that typically make you feelnegative at work. Maybe a particular person really gets on yournerves or perhaps certain tasks drive you nuts.

2 Use your secret pressure point the next time thesecircumstances arise.

Like all the other strategies we cover in this course it isessential to practice this one to really master it.

3 Review the top five items on your list. Those situations thatreally ruin your day. Now run through the disaster planningprocess above for each one.

Your goal is to progressively remove the negatives from yourday by changing how you think and feel in these situations.

Once you have done this your charisma quotient will be evenhigher.

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Lesson 9 - Like a Metaphor

Today is a double lesson bonus day!

The first lesson is about metaphors, the best way to turnmisunderstandings into a shared experience. Without a knowledgeof how to use metaphors you will often reach a dead end whendealing with people from different backgrounds.


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In the second lesson today I cover the one critical careeradvancement strategy that all leaders and highlysuccessful people exhibit.

When these powerful people speak they have a real impact

because of HOW they speak not just because of their position orbecause of what they say. They intuitively understand howessential it is to have congruence when they communicate.

To move ahead in your career and to exude a charisma thatinspires people you absolutely must have congruence when youspeak. If you do not then everything else you say will be havea limited effect.

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Like a Metaphor

Stories sell. Have you ever heard Victor Kiam talking about whyhe bought the company because he liked the razor so much? Hetells stories all the time to drag you in, to grab yourattention and to set himself apart from everyone else.

Unless you know how to use stories you will never be able toreach everyone. This is because stories are a special andunique way to reach out to a mixed group of people at the onetime.

Many CEOs use stories and metaphors in business. They talkabout winning the battle, fighting the competition and buyingnew tools for the next offensive.

Other leaders like to use sporting metaphors. They talk aboutpassing the ball, kicking off a project and scoring a win.

All leaders who use metaphors do so to appeal to a varied groupof people in a way that all can understand. That is the realvalue of using metaphors.

These metaphors have power because they tap into our imaginationand feelings. Let me tell you a story to better explain what ametaphor is.

Linda tied her shoe laces and stood up before crossing therickety bridge that dangled over the rushing waters of theriver down below. She had always feared both heights and water


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so she felt apprehensive as she gingerly made here way acrossthe wooden bridge.

On the few times she glanced down she was not pleased to spythrough the cracks in the wooden planks the water way down

below.

She walked slowly but surely, all the time staring straightahead at her friends on the other side. She was relieved whenshe finally caught up with them.

Read on before I explain what the above metaphor is about.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who just could notunderstand what you were talking about even though you explainedyour point as clearly as you could? Maybe you even repeatedyourself again and again to no avail.

What can you do in these situations? If repeating yourself doesnot work and you have tried every variation you can think ofthen there is no point in continuing. You are stuck.

In these situations it is time to construct a metaphor. What isa metaphor? In the context of hypnosis and NLP, a metaphor is astory that allows you to express a point of view in a way thatbridges your reality with the reality of the person listeningby finding common ground that is understood by both parties.

For example if you asked me why you cannot recharge a batteryfor your phone when it is already charged up, I would say thatin a similar way you cannot pour water into a full glass ofwater because there is no available capacity.

Or if someone who had never seen email wanted to know what itIs, I would say that it is like instantly sending a letter fromyour computer to their computer without needing to find a stampor a mailbox.

In the opening story above about Linda walking across the footbridge I am metaphorically talking about how to bridge thedivide that can exist between people when there is a lack ofunderstanding. i.e. you need a strategy.

So a metaphor is just a story or a colorful example of howsomething not understood is actually similar to something whichis already understood.


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How do we construct metaphors? it is really easy once you knowhow.

Steps to constructing a metaphor:

1 Think about what is not understood

2 Ask yourself: what is it like?

3 Choose something that is readily understood: how is this likethat topic that is not understood?

4 Tell the person how something very easy to understand issimilar to what you are trying to explain to them.

Let us run through this process using the email example above:

1 The person does not know what email is

2 Email is kind of like sending a letter

3 Everyone knows what a letter is so a letter metaphor is agood choice. Email is like a letter in that it is composed ofreadable text. It also has the advantage of speed and does notrequire a stamp.

4 Tell the person: An email it is like instantly sending aletter from your computer to their computer without needing tofind a stamp or a mailbox.

You will know when you have picked a good metaphor because yourlistener will all of a sudden grasp what you mean and the cloudof confusion will disappear.

Now go forth into the world like a bat out of hell to magicallytransform confusion into understanding like a modern day Merlin!

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1 Notice the metaphors commonly used in your company. Are theybased on warfare, sport or maybe politics?

2 Adopt the metaphors of you immediate superiors and startspeaking their language. This will allow you to build closer


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rapport with these people.

3 Whenever you are speaking to a coworker or friend who getsconfused remember to use a metaphor instead of repeating whathe does not grasp and causing him to get frustrated.

Is there someone you usually confuse? Use a metaphor next time!

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Coffee and Congruence...1,2,3

She sipped her coffee. She was still confused. Karen had readall the success books, attended several management developmentseminars and still she did not seem to get it. Whatever*it* was.

She felt like all the information was in her head only itseemed not to be there when she needed it.

All she wanted was to be able to communicate better and tohave people really listen to her when she spoke.

Karen was tired of having to repeat herself because others didnot pay attention to her, and she was fed up with not being ableto really connect with other people. Sometimes she did connectand sometimes she did not - it all seemed so random.

The coffee was going cold while Karen stared out the window ofthe cafe. It was entertaining watching the people of the cityrushing around from place to place. Everyone seemed to be in ahurry to do something very important. The only sound was thehum of traffic outside and the chatter of other people in thecafe

Even though she knew it was the wrong thing to do Karen couldnot help overhearing the conversation of the people at the nexttable. The three college students were having a noisyconversation about the weekend sports game. One said the Bostonteam was a sure thing to win while the other two favoredChicago.

Karen had never been that interested in soccer so she decided torun an experiment. She reasoned that she could ignore the wordsbeing spoken by the three students and instead pay attention toHOW they expressed themselves. Maybe she would pick up a few

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