COMM 470 Agenda - Week 13

• LC2 – I Will Return Next Week

• LC3 – Due last class

• Final Exam – Friday, May 19, 10:30 – 12:30

• Review Listening Exercise for Week 12

• Lecture - Tannen

• ITE 13

• Listening Exercise for Week 13

In-Class Team Exercise # 13aDiscuss:

• How did you do with Noticing Complaining this week?

• Count how many times; share 2 examples• Was it easy? Difficult?

Deliverable - Summarize in a table how many conversations you each had where you:1) charted that same day2) charted before class today, but not the same day3) didn’t chart at all

4) ADDED: estimate your TOTAL # of conversations last week

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In-Class Team Exercise # 13bDiscuss:

• How did you do with Noticing Gossip this week?

• Count how many times; share 2 examples• Was it easy? Difficult?

Deliverable - Summarize in a table how many conversations you each had where you:1) charted that same day2) charted before class today, but not the same day3) didn’t chart at all

4) ADDED: estimate your TOTAL # of conversations last week

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Speaking into the Listening of Others

What are some examples of “weak speaking?”

Speaking into the Listening of Others

What are some examples of “weak speaking?”

• Being indirect (not stating a request as a request)

• Being non-committal

• Being tentative

• Putting yourself down

What are some words that connote “weak speaking?”

Speaking into the Listening of Others

What are some words that connote “weak speaking?”

• “Sort of”

• “Kind of”

• “Try”

What are some examples of “weak speaking?”

• “We’re going to, sort of, learn about listening.”

• “I’ll try to e-mail you tonight.”

• “Why don’t we have Chinese for lunch?”

Speaking into the Listening of Others

What are some words that connote “STRONG speaking?”

• Yes

• No

• I want, I request, I agree, I disagree

What are some examples of “STRONG speaking?”

• “We are going to learn about listening.”

• “I will e-mail you tonight.”

• “I’d like to have Chinese for lunch?”

Speaking into the Listening of Others

Other forms of “weak speaking”• Talking about the Past (Unless we focus on a lesson)

• Complaining (Almost always wasteful of time and focus)

• Gossiping (It reduces the listening we have for the object of the gossip)

Forms of “Strong speaking”

• Talking about the Present / Future (If planning or building)

• Taking Your Complaints to Someone with Power

• Acknowledging Others

Electronic Text Communication

Categories of Rules for Clear E-Text Communication:

1. General Rules – Apply to ALL Electronic Text Communication

2. E-mail Rules

3. Instant Messaging (IM) Rules4. Text Messaging Rules (Do Some Differ from IM?)

5. Discussion Board Rules

6. ‘My Space’ Rules

In-Class Team Exercise # 12c

What are the five (5) most important rules for clear DISCUSSION LIST communication?

Discuss:

• Each person should first rank their own top 3

• Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule?

• The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round

• The team should compare and choose the 5 most important

NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text

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Deliverable: List the team’s top 5

In-Class Team Exercise # 12d

What are the five (5) most important rules for effective “My Space” communication?

Discuss:

• Each person should first rank their own top 3

• Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule?

• The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round

• The team should compare and choose the 5 most important

NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text

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Deliverable: List the team’s top 5

In-Class Team Exercise # 12eWhat are the five (5) most important GENERAL rules

for effective Electronic Text communication?Discuss:

• Each person should first rank their own top 3

• Hint: Think of examples when people have violated unwritten rules – what is the rule?

• The team should hold 3 rounds of discussion – individuals discuss 1 of their 3 – by using an example - each round

• The team should compare and choose the 5 most important

NOTE: When you find a “general” rule – one that applies to all (or most) forms of electronic text – take it out of this list and add it to the team’s list of General Rules for E-Text

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Deliverable: List the team’s top 5

Gender Issues in Communication

Deborah Tannen found - • Women view comm as Rapport; Men as ‘Report’

• Women experience comm as relatedness; Men experience comm as status (one-up or one-down)

• Women are more likely to be indirect; Men direct

• Women report a lack of comm in relationships; Men don’t

Differences When Looking at Kids -• Girls base relationships on talking; boys base them on doing

• Girls’ groups are small; Boys groups larger (also inclusive, hierarchical)

• Girls face each others, boys often don’t

• Girls support by sharing the same problem, boys minimize

Women & Men• Women verbalize agreement (participatory listenership), men use silence

• Women assume listener’s job is agreement; Men assume listener’s job is to challenge or probe

Issues in CommunicationGirls & Boys • Boys have a hierarchy during play, Girls less so

• Boys see mistakes as more serious than girls do

• Play is ‘performance art’ for boys, girls worry less about getting credit

• Boys solve disputes physically, girls use negotiation

Direct vs. Indirect Comm • Being Involved vs. Being Independent• Deference vs. Camaraderie• Positive Politeness (involvement) vs. Negative Politeness (not

imposing) – Brown & Levinson

• Forging/eliciting consensus vs. manipulating

• Implying ‘no’ without saying no

• Dishonesty vs. Hypocrisy

Issues in CommunicationArguments • Discussions in the media are more polarized today

• Cooperation and compromise is not much valued – so people sit it out

• Tannen’s example of the smoker

• Relationships are about getting what you want

• How can that be done 1) without domination, and 2) allowing others to get what they want

• The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

• Everybody’s right. (Ken Wilber)

Family Communication • Literal meaning vs. meta-messages• Alignment – do you have to choose sides?