Code Of The Brotherhood (Cap 89, 2008 Rev.Ed)...CODE OF THE BROTHERHOOD [CAP 89, 2008 REV. ED.] 3...
Transcript of Code Of The Brotherhood (Cap 89, 2008 Rev.Ed)...CODE OF THE BROTHERHOOD [CAP 89, 2008 REV. ED.] 3...
CODEOFTHEBROTHERHOOD[CAP89,2008REV.ED.]
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CODEOFTHE
BROTHERHOODCAP89
BASICVERSIONS Act1of04/09/2008
AMENDEDBY Act4of22/10/2008
CODEOFTHEBROTHERHOOD[CAP89,2008REV.ED.]
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PARTI:SCAREDOBLIGATIONS
ARTICLE1:Preamble
(1) Brosbeforehoes.Alwaysremember,girlfriendscomeandgo,butyourboysarealwaysthere.
(2) BreakingthisruleistocommitthecardinalsinagainstTeamTestosterone.
ARTICLE2:LastBeerStanding
Neverdrinkthelastbeer,unlessyou'vebeengrantedspecificpermissionthatit'sOK.
ARTICLE3:ChickAvailability
(1) Ifagirlfallsintothefollowingcriteria,sheisofflimitsforeveruntiltheendoftime:
a. Wasanex‐girlfriend.b. Yourfriendspecificallytoldyouhewantedher.c. Isyou'rebuddy'ssister.d. Asahalfsistershewouldreceiveallrightsandprivilegesofbeingoff
limitstoabro.(2) Stepsisterswillbefairgamesolongasthestepsisterinquestionacquiredher
statusasastepsisteraftertheageof14. (3) Ifit'syourbuddy'scousin,wellshe'supforgrabs,andyou'rewelcometorubit
inhisfaceforyearstocome.[22/10/08]
ARTICLE4:Jokes
Neverdiss,laugh,disgruntle,vexorannoyabroifhisteamjustlostacrushinggame..
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ARTICLE5:Pets
(1) Youmustneverownacat.
(2) IfaBrogetsadog,
a. itmustbeatleastastallashiskneewhenfull‐growand,
b. mustatalltimesbedressedwithonlyhis/herbirthdayclothes.
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ARTICLE6:TicketstoanEvent
(1) Ifyouget2ticketstothebiggame/gig/event,theprioritylistforgrantingthesecondticketisasfollows.
a. Yourbestbro(inorderofhowlongyou'veknownthemorbasedondefinitionofa‘bro’underAppendix).
b. Youracquaintances.c. Yourco‐workers.d. Themailman.e. Arandomguy–potentialbromaterialf. …….g. ….a. Yourgirlfriend.
ARTICLE7:LimitationsonFeminine/HomoTendencies
(1) YouareallowedtoenjoyexactlyonechickTVshow,andonechickflick.Youmayhavenomore.(AndifyoulikeNotebookorWalktoRemember,well,we'realreadytoolate)
ARTICLE8:Gifts
BirthdayandChristmaspresentsforyourguyfriendsareoptional.Beeralwaysmakesagreatgift.
ARTICLE9:PubHouseRules
Ifyougotothebarwithyourbros,youmustbuyaroundofdrinksatleastonce.
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ARTICLE10:GameOn
TherearenomercyruleswhenplayingsomeoneinPoker,streethockey,bare‐fistedboxing,etc.(Otherwise,sportsknownas‘bro‐sports’)
ARTICLE11:BroDebt
(1) Ifyouoweyourbromoney,paythembackassoonashumanlypossible—unlessit'sagamblingdebt,whichmustbepaidimmediatelyunless
a. Youarebrokeandgayprostitutionistheonlysolutiontopaybackthedebt
b. Mutualconsensusunderscaredoath
ARTICLE12:MeaninglessConversation
(1) Whenonebroengagesafellowbroinapoliticaldebate,saiddebateshallremaincivilandingoodspirits.
(2) Shouldsaiddebatebecomeanargument,thebrowhoinitiatedthe"argument"shallslaphimselfandthendowntwoMillerChills.
(3) Thisbrowillthen,intheproceedingGubernatorial,Congressional,orPresidentialelection,voteforthecandidateofhisfellowBro'schoosing
ARTICLE13:PublicDisplaysofAffection
NOPDA(PublicDisplaysofAffection).Hey,congratulations,anothergirlcanstandthesightofyou.Youdon'tneedtowearherlikeafuckingtrophy.
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ARTICLE14:Cheating–AllFairInLove&War
(1) It'salrighttocheatatanygamewheremoneyisn'tinvolved.(2) Incertaincircumstances,relationshipsmaybeclassifiedas"games."
a. Whentherelationshipislessthan2hoursb. Whentherelationshipfallswithinthecategoryof‘relationshit’c. Afterhavingengaginginsexualintercoursewithinthe6hoursofmeeting
theoppositegender
ARTICLE15:Gym
Don'ttellotherguyselaboratestoriesaboutyourweightliftingexerciseroutine.Noonecares.
ARTICLE16:Sports&Beyond
(1) Neveropenlyquestionanotherguy'ssportswisdom,unlesssaidinformationspecificallypertainstoyourfavoriteteam.
(2) Itdoesn'tmatterhowludicroustheotherguysoundstellingyouthatFrankLampardwasbetterthanStevenGerrardlastseason,lethimbe.
ARTICLE17:GirlfriendCalls
Whenoutwiththeguys,neveracceptacallfromyourgirlfriend—unlessshe'sdyingortrappedunderaburningfueltruck,andifthat'sthecasemakeitquick.
ARTICLE18:PeeRule
(1) Alwaysallowabufferzoneaturinalsandoncouchesa. Aturinals–brosshouldatalltimesstand2urinalsaway.If,thereareno2
urinalsavailablewhichsatisfythisrequirement:i. onebromustuseacubicleorii. holdtilltheotherbrofinisheshisbusiness
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ARTICLE19:ZoneLimitations
(1) Nevershareabedwithaguy,unlessthere'snowayaroundit.
ARTICLE20:RepeatArticle1NOW
BrosBeforeHoes.Iknow,Ialreadyusedit.Ican'tstressitenough,though.Itisabsolutelyinfuriatinghowmanyofmyguyfriendshavebecomeinsufferabledickssincethey'vegoneoutwithsomeone.
ARTICLE21:ExclusivityRightstoBroFriendship
(1) BroswillnotbeassumedtobeexclusiveunlesseachhasexplicitlygrantedtheotherexclusiveBrorights.
(2) IfaBroisnotexclusivethenaBromayhavemorethanoneBro.(3) However,uponbecomingexclusive,saidBromustbreakanyBrotieswithall
otherBros.
ARTICLE22:SwornSecrecy
Whathappensbetweenbrosstaybetweenbrosakintotherule‘whathappensinvegasstaysinvegasrule’
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE23:WingmanRule1
(1) IfachickinquiresaboutanotherBro'ssexualhistory,aBroshallhonorthe'Brodeofsilence'andplaydumb.
(2) Bettertohavewomenthinkallmenarestupidthantellthetruth.
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ARTICLE24:WingmanRule2
(1) Whenabrosintroducesafellowbrostotheirhotfemalefriend,theintroducerhastherightstothegirl.
(2) Theintroducedbroscanonlyattempttogetthegirliftheintroducerbrosgiveshisconsent.
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ARTICLE25:BoundariesonGirlfriendConversation
(1) ABroneversharesobservationsaboutanotherBro'ssmoking‐hotgirlfriend.
(2) EveniftheBrowiththehotgirlfriendattemptstobaittheBrobysaying"she'ssmoking‐hot,huh?"ABroshallremainsilent,becauseinthissituation,he'stheonlyonewhoshouldbebaiting.
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE26:GirlFight
(1) Abrowill,inatimelymanner,alerthisbrototheexistenceofagirlfight."ABromustneverhesitatebeforecommunicatingthepossibilityoffisticuffsbetweentwohumansofthefemalevariety[[HENCEFORTH"GIRLFIGHT"]],inanefforttomakepossibleandprobablethatanotherBroorBroscanpartakeinobservation.
(2) SaidBromustuseanyandallmethodsofmediadistributionathisdisposal,includingbutnotlimitedto:
a. Telecommunicationsb. elbownudgingc. fiberoptics,d. theexpressdeliveryservices,ande. postcards.
(3) IfaninformedBroisunabletowitnessthegirlfightfirsthand,thespotterBrois
responsiblefordocumentingandrelatingdetailsofthegirlfightviapictures,video,orbarringanyotherreasonablemethod,interpretivedanceand/orpantomim
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ARTICLE27:Plagiarism
IfaBrocatchesanotherBroinplagiarism‐albeitawesomeplagiarism‐aBroshallberequiredtoasktheBrotocitehissource.
ARTICLE28:Tattoo
ABrodoesnotletanotherBrogetatattoo,particularlyatattooofagirlsname.
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE29:CellPhonePositioning
Unlesshehaschildren,aBroshallnotwearhiscellphoneonabeltclip.
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ARTICLE30:ShirtsOff
ABroneverremoveshisshirtinfrontofotherBros,unlessataresortpoolorthebeach
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ARTICLE31:Handbags
ABroshouldnevercarryawoman'shandbag
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE32:Age
(1) Mendonotlieabouttheirageunless
a. Itwouldbreakanyofthearticlesabovementioned
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ARTICLE33:MovingGrounds
(1) ABromayaskhisBro(s)tohelphimmove,butonlyafterfirstdisclosinganhonestestimateonbothtimecommitmentandnumberoflargepiecesoffurniture.
(2) IftheBrohasvastlyunderestimatedeither,hisBrosretaintherighttoleavehispossessionswheretheyare‐inmostcases,stuckinadoorway.
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE34:Devil’sThreeway
(1) Broscannotmakeeye‐contactduringaDevil'sThreeway(2) Guysmustnottouch,exceptwhenmotivatedtohigh‐fiveorknucklebump.(3) Anythree‐waysinvolvingStephenBaldwinorJunyiarediscouragedatallcosts.
ARTICLE37:NameCalling
(1) IfoneBrocallsanotherBroadouchethensaidnamingmustbeconfirmedbyanotherBroevenifthethirdBroisachick.
(2) Thisnamingonlyrequiresa"second"byanyBroanddoesnotrequireamajorityvotebyallBrosinvolved.
ARTICLE40:LoveThyNeighBro
Lovethyneigh‐bro
ARTICLE50:BroPayment&Repayments
(1) Thebrowiththebetterpayingjobisrequiredtobuythefirstround.(2) Iftheotherbroistemporarilyoutofmoneyorlefthiswalletathomedrinkscan
belendedyetinthelongrunthesedrinksmustberepaidwhichcanbeintheformof:
a. Wingmanservicesorb. anyotheractofentertainmentoratthenextgatheringorthatparticular
nightinquestionc. Beerd. Cash(thisisthelastresort–thismethodishighlydiscouraged)
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PARTII:EMERGENCY
ARTICLE53:Protection991
(1) ABrowill,wheneverpossible,providehisBrowithprotection.(2) IntheeventthatoneBrofindshimselflackingthenecessaryprophylactic
accoutrementsneededtocompletetheactofcoitusinasafeandeffectivemanner,heisintherighttoexpecthisBrowilluseallmeasureswithinorwithouthismeanstoprovidetheaforementionedprophylacticinatimelyyetdiscreetfashion.
(3) WhenaBrosignalshisneedusingpreviouslyagreeduponcodewordsand/orbodysignage,itisunderstoodthathisBrowilldiscontinueallpresentactivityexcepting
a. theactofcoitusitself[wherebywhichBrovowstofinishasquicklyaspossible]],
(4) SaidbromustrespondwithapanoplyofoptionsatBro‐in‐need'slocation.ABromustpatronizethemostrapidmethodoftransportationavailablewhileendeavoringtoassisthisBro;
a. Innoinstancemayatwo‐wheeledbicyclebeused*asthisisnotonlyhumiliating,butalsopotentiallyharmfultotheperineum‐azoneoftissueperilouslyadjacenttonotedsexualorgans.
(5) Intheeventthatastate,federal,international,orgalacticlawisbreachedduetorecklessness,unacceptablelevelsofspeed,and/orthehijackingofanairbornevehicle(s),itisunderstoodthattheprimaryBrowillshoulderanyassociatedlegalfeesorfines.
(6) However,anycostsordamagesincurredfromtheuseofpublictransportationaretheresponsibilityofthesecondaryBroaloneasthisisaninstanceofQuidProBro.
(7) UponarrivalattheprimaryBro'slocation,thesecondaryBromustexercisecompletediscretionsoasnottodisrupttheprimaryBro's"flow."
(8) ItisunderstoodthataBrowillengageinalltrainingnecessarytoachievethisobjective,including,atminimum,afivemonthNinjitsucurriculummasteringthetwinartsofstealthandsecrecy.**
*UnlessabicycleistheONLYformoftransportation,asinsomeCambodianvillages**SEEAPPENDIX:"Listofapprovedninjatrainingfacilitiesanddojos."
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ARTICLE54:Dumpachick
ABrowilldropwhateverhe'sdoingandrushtohelphisBrodumpachick
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PARTIII:BOUNDARYLIMITATIONS
ARTICLE56:SportingScores
ABroshallneverrevealthescoreofasportingeventtoanotherBrountilthatBrohasthriceconfirmedit’scool.
ARTICLE57:ChickRatioAtAParty
ABromaynotspeculateontheexpectedBro/chickratioofapartyorvenuewithoutfirstdisclosingthepresent‐timeobservedratio.
ARTICLE58:Notifications
IfaBro,forwhateverreason,becomesawareofanotherBro’sgirlfriend’sbirthdayand/oranniversarydate,heshallendeavortomakethatinformationavailabletohisBro,regardlesswhetherhethinkshisBroalreadyknows.
ARTICLE60:110%Effort
ShouldaBrobeneartoclosingwithagirl,hisBroshalldoanythingwithinhismeanstoensurethedesiredoutcome,uptoandincludingtheseductionofsaidgirl’swildlyunattractivecousin/friend/mother(referArticle89).
ARTICLE61:RespectThyParents
ABroshallhonorhisfatherandmotherirrespectiveoftheiractions
ARTICLE62:TargetsAcquired
IntheeventthattwoBrosacquirethesametarget,theBrowiththelongerdryspellhasdibs.Shouldthedryspellsbeofequallength,thebrowiththelowersexcountwins.
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ARTICLE63:AdultMaterial
(1) InascenarioinwhichtwoormoreBrosareengagedinentertainmentoftheadultvariety,oneBroisforbiddenfromintentionallyorunintentionally;
a. touchinganotherBroinANYcapacity,includingbutnotlimitedto;i. thehighfive,ii. thefistbump,oriii. thecongratulatoryglutealpat.iv. Winkingisalsokindofano‐no.
ARTICLE64:SportTicketProvisions
ABromuchprovidehisbrowithatickettoaneventifsaideventinvolvesthesecondBro’sfavoritesportsteaminaplayoffscenario.
ARTICLE65:PubHouseRules
ABromustalwaysreciprocatearoundofdrink(s)amongBroswiththeprovisothatnoexistingwagersupersedesthispurchaseandexchangeofspirits.
ARTICLE66:RelationshipBreakups
(1) IfaBrosufferspainfromapermanentdissolutionofarelationshipwithaladyfriend,aBroshalloffernothingmorethana“thatsucks,man”andcopiousquantitiesofbeer.
(2) ABrowillalsorefrainfrompejorativecommentary–deservedornot–regardingsaidladyfriendforaperiodofthreemonths,whentherequisiteBACKSLIDEWINDOWhasclosed.
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ARTICLE67:InstrumentsUsedAtParties
ShouldaBropickupaguitaratapartyandcommenceplaying,anotherBroshallpointoutthatheisatool.
ARTICLE68:PriorityStreaks
IfaBroisonahotstreak,anotherBrowilldoeverythingpossiblytoensureitslongevity,evenifthatincludesjeopardizinghisownrecords,themissingofwork,ortemporarilyimmigratingtoaforeigncountry.
ARTICLE69:SelfInflictions
Ifanybrosactsoutoflineanddefiesanybroscodeduringamultiplebrosconversationwithanynumberofgirls,theotherbroshavetherighttotellanyhumiliatingstoriesandfactsaboutsaidbrosforthepurposeofruiningsaidbroschanceswiththegirl(s)
ARTICLE70:Alcohol/DrugOverdoseViolation
(1) Anybroswhonoticeafellowbrospassedoutatanysocialgatheringduetodrugoralcoholconsumption,isobligatedtotakehumiliatingphoto'sand/orvideosofthepassedoutbros;
(2) Unlesssaidbroshasconsumedawhiskey,rum,scotchorotherhardliquortoanexcessofaratioof:onceounce:3kgofbodymass(7lbsimperial)
[22/10/08]
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ARTICLE71:BropartyRule1
(1) ABroshowsupatanotherBro'spartywithatleastonemoreunitofalcoholthanheplanstodrink.
(2) SoifaBroplansonchuggingasixpack,heshallbringasixpackplusatleastonecanofbeerunless
a. thepartysucksand/ortherearetoomanydudes,theBroisentitledtoleavewithhisalcohol,thoughetiquettedictatesheshouldwaituntilnobodyislooking
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE72:BroOutgoings
IftwoBrosdecidetocatchamovietogether,theymaynotattendascreeningthatbeginsafter4:40pm.Alsodespitethecostsavings,theyshallnotsplitatubofpopcorn,choosinginsteadtoprocureindividualbags.
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE73:LanguageRequirements
(1) ABroshouldnotspeakmorethantwolanguagesunless
a. Hehaslivedforaminimumof9monthsinacountrywhosemainlanguageisoneofthoselanguages
b. Heusestheextralanguageasameansofpickingupwomenwhoonlyspeakthatlanguage
c. Hisjobrequireshimtoknowmorethan2languages
d. Itisameansofonlytoimpresswomenandnothingelse
(2) IfintheoccurrencethataBroknowsmorethan2languages,itisthegivenrightforsaidbrotoinviteotherbrostopartieswherethislanguageisspoken,havingsaidbroescortandbetheofficialbilingualwingman
[22/10/08]
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ARTICLE74:HotChickStreak
(1) IfaBrobeonahotstreak,anotherBrowilldoeverythingpossibletoensureitslongevity,evenifthatincludesjeopardizing
a. hisownrecords,
b. themissingofwork;or
c. temporaryimmigrationtoaforeigncountry.
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE75:Word‘Cute’
Thewordcuteshouldnotbeusedotherthendescribingachicktheywanttobone
ARTICLE76:Unhotness
(1) ShouldaBro(1st,2ndor3rd)behookingupwithanunattractivewoman,theBrothatnoticesthismustdoallintheirpowertostopsaidBrofromclosingthedeal,unless
a. theyarehelpinganotherBrowithArticle89
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE77:TearRule
(1) ABronevercries.(2) Intheeventthathedoes,hemustundernocircumstanceadmitittoanyone
otherthanagirlheistryingtoscorewith. [22/10/08]
ARTICLE80:SlapBets
(1) Wheninaslapbetthybromustalwaysobeytherulesoftheslapbet.(2) Ifcaughtcheatinginaslapbettheselectedslapbetcoordinatormustrulethe
consequencesofhowmanymoreslapsmustbegiventothycheater
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ARTICLE85:AbRule
Ifyoucomplimentaguyonhissix‐pack,youbetterbereferringtohisbeer.
ARTICLE86:ComfortZoneRestrictions
(1) Nevershareabedwithaguy,unless
a. there'snowayaroundit,
b. Apillowismaintainedbetweenthematallmaterialtimes,and
c. botharefacingoppositedirections
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE87:“Yes’Rule
"ABroshallatalltimessay'Yes'"
ARTICLE88:GreetingaBro
UpongreetinganotherBro,aBromayengageinahighfive,fistbump,oraBrohug,butneverafullembrace
[22/10/08]
ARTICLE89:FamilyException
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(1) "ABromayneverpursuethemomofanotherBro."a. BeithereresolvedthatatnopointisitpermissibleforoneBrotoengage
incarnaldelicacieswithanotherBro'smother.b. However,allowedandencouragedforoneBrotographicallysuggesttoa
Brotheathleticfeats,animalia,and/ormachineryutilizedduringafictionalencounterwithhismom.[[NOTABENE:ItiscustomaryforaBrotoavoidsuchBrocularityifhisBro'smomisa9orbetter,forfearofOedipalinducement.]]
c. ShouldaBrodiscoverhisBroisinfactadopted,heisfreetopursuehisBro'sadoptivemother,butonlyafterfirstcorroboratingnon‐biologicalparentagethroughnotarizedbirthcertificates,hospitalrecords,orcomparativedioxyribonucleicacidgelelectrophoresis,whicheveriseasiest.
d. SincetheadoptedBrocannotlegitimatelyclaimtohavesharedacanalwithhisBro.
e. ThoughthemomofaBroisalwaysofflimits,thestep‐momofaBroisallowedifsheinitiatesitand/oriswearingatleastonearticleofleopardprintclothing(Ifshelooksgoodinit.)