Code Of The Brotherhood (Cap 89, 2008 Rev.Ed)...CODE OF THE BROTHERHOOD [CAP 89, 2008 REV. ED.] 3...

CODEOFTHEBROTHERHOOD[CAP89,2008REV.ED.]

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CODEOFTHE

BROTHERHOODCAP89

BASICVERSIONS Act1of04/09/2008

AMENDEDBY Act4of22/10/2008


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PARTI:SCAREDOBLIGATIONS

ARTICLE1:Preamble

(1) Brosbeforehoes.Alwaysremember,girlfriendscomeandgo,butyourboysarealwaysthere.

(2) BreakingthisruleistocommitthecardinalsinagainstTeamTestosterone.

ARTICLE2:LastBeerStanding

Neverdrinkthelastbeer,unlessyou'vebeengrantedspecificpermissionthatit'sOK.

ARTICLE3:ChickAvailability

(1) Ifagirlfallsintothefollowingcriteria,sheisofflimitsforeveruntiltheendoftime:

a. Wasanex‐girlfriend.b. Yourfriendspecificallytoldyouhewantedher.c. Isyou'rebuddy'ssister.d. Asahalfsistershewouldreceiveallrightsandprivilegesofbeingoff

limitstoabro.(2) Stepsisterswillbefairgamesolongasthestepsisterinquestionacquiredher

statusasastepsisteraftertheageof14. (3) Ifit'syourbuddy'scousin,wellshe'supforgrabs,andyou'rewelcometorubit

inhisfaceforyearstocome.[22/10/08]

ARTICLE4:Jokes

Neverdiss,laugh,disgruntle,vexorannoyabroifhisteamjustlostacrushinggame..


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ARTICLE5:Pets

(1) Youmustneverownacat.

(2) IfaBrogetsadog,

a. itmustbeatleastastallashiskneewhenfull‐growand,

b. mustatalltimesbedressedwithonlyhis/herbirthdayclothes.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE6:TicketstoanEvent

(1) Ifyouget2ticketstothebiggame/gig/event,theprioritylistforgrantingthesecondticketisasfollows.

a. Yourbestbro(inorderofhowlongyou'veknownthemorbasedondefinitionofa‘bro’underAppendix).

b. Youracquaintances.c. Yourco‐workers.d. Themailman.e. Arandomguy–potentialbromaterialf. …….g. ….a. Yourgirlfriend.

ARTICLE7:LimitationsonFeminine/HomoTendencies

(1) YouareallowedtoenjoyexactlyonechickTVshow,andonechickflick.Youmayhavenomore.(AndifyoulikeNotebookorWalktoRemember,well,we'realreadytoolate)

ARTICLE8:Gifts

BirthdayandChristmaspresentsforyourguyfriendsareoptional.Beeralwaysmakesagreatgift.

ARTICLE9:PubHouseRules

Ifyougotothebarwithyourbros,youmustbuyaroundofdrinksatleastonce.


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ARTICLE10:GameOn

TherearenomercyruleswhenplayingsomeoneinPoker,streethockey,bare‐fistedboxing,etc.(Otherwise,sportsknownas‘bro‐sports’)

ARTICLE11:BroDebt

(1) Ifyouoweyourbromoney,paythembackassoonashumanlypossible—unlessit'sagamblingdebt,whichmustbepaidimmediatelyunless

a. Youarebrokeandgayprostitutionistheonlysolutiontopaybackthedebt

b. Mutualconsensusunderscaredoath

ARTICLE12:MeaninglessConversation

(1) Whenonebroengagesafellowbroinapoliticaldebate,saiddebateshallremaincivilandingoodspirits.

(2) Shouldsaiddebatebecomeanargument,thebrowhoinitiatedthe"argument"shallslaphimselfandthendowntwoMillerChills.

(3) Thisbrowillthen,intheproceedingGubernatorial,Congressional,orPresidentialelection,voteforthecandidateofhisfellowBro'schoosing

ARTICLE13:PublicDisplaysofAffection

NOPDA(PublicDisplaysofAffection).Hey,congratulations,anothergirlcanstandthesightofyou.Youdon'tneedtowearherlikeafuckingtrophy.


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ARTICLE14:Cheating–AllFairInLove&War

(1) It'salrighttocheatatanygamewheremoneyisn'tinvolved.(2) Incertaincircumstances,relationshipsmaybeclassifiedas"games."

a. Whentherelationshipislessthan2hoursb. Whentherelationshipfallswithinthecategoryof‘relationshit’c. Afterhavingengaginginsexualintercoursewithinthe6hoursofmeeting

theoppositegender

ARTICLE15:Gym

Don'ttellotherguyselaboratestoriesaboutyourweightliftingexerciseroutine.Noonecares.

ARTICLE16:Sports&Beyond

(1) Neveropenlyquestionanotherguy'ssportswisdom,unlesssaidinformationspecificallypertainstoyourfavoriteteam.

(2) Itdoesn'tmatterhowludicroustheotherguysoundstellingyouthatFrankLampardwasbetterthanStevenGerrardlastseason,lethimbe.

ARTICLE17:GirlfriendCalls

Whenoutwiththeguys,neveracceptacallfromyourgirlfriend—unlessshe'sdyingortrappedunderaburningfueltruck,andifthat'sthecasemakeitquick.

ARTICLE18:PeeRule

(1) Alwaysallowabufferzoneaturinalsandoncouchesa. Aturinals–brosshouldatalltimesstand2urinalsaway.If,thereareno2

urinalsavailablewhichsatisfythisrequirement:i. onebromustuseacubicleorii. holdtilltheotherbrofinisheshisbusiness


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ARTICLE19:ZoneLimitations

(1) Nevershareabedwithaguy,unlessthere'snowayaroundit.

ARTICLE20:RepeatArticle1NOW

BrosBeforeHoes.Iknow,Ialreadyusedit.Ican'tstressitenough,though.Itisabsolutelyinfuriatinghowmanyofmyguyfriendshavebecomeinsufferabledickssincethey'vegoneoutwithsomeone.

ARTICLE21:ExclusivityRightstoBroFriendship

(1) BroswillnotbeassumedtobeexclusiveunlesseachhasexplicitlygrantedtheotherexclusiveBrorights.

(2) IfaBroisnotexclusivethenaBromayhavemorethanoneBro.(3) However,uponbecomingexclusive,saidBromustbreakanyBrotieswithall

otherBros.

ARTICLE22:SwornSecrecy

Whathappensbetweenbrosstaybetweenbrosakintotherule‘whathappensinvegasstaysinvegasrule’

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE23:WingmanRule1

(1) IfachickinquiresaboutanotherBro'ssexualhistory,aBroshallhonorthe'Brodeofsilence'andplaydumb.

(2) Bettertohavewomenthinkallmenarestupidthantellthetruth.

[22/10/08]


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ARTICLE24:WingmanRule2

(1) Whenabrosintroducesafellowbrostotheirhotfemalefriend,theintroducerhastherightstothegirl.

(2) Theintroducedbroscanonlyattempttogetthegirliftheintroducerbrosgiveshisconsent.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE25:BoundariesonGirlfriendConversation

(1) ABroneversharesobservationsaboutanotherBro'ssmoking‐hotgirlfriend.

(2) EveniftheBrowiththehotgirlfriendattemptstobaittheBrobysaying"she'ssmoking‐hot,huh?"ABroshallremainsilent,becauseinthissituation,he'stheonlyonewhoshouldbebaiting.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE26:GirlFight

(1) Abrowill,inatimelymanner,alerthisbrototheexistenceofagirlfight."ABromustneverhesitatebeforecommunicatingthepossibilityoffisticuffsbetweentwohumansofthefemalevariety[[HENCEFORTH"GIRLFIGHT"]],inanefforttomakepossibleandprobablethatanotherBroorBroscanpartakeinobservation.

(2) SaidBromustuseanyandallmethodsofmediadistributionathisdisposal,includingbutnotlimitedto:

a. Telecommunicationsb. elbownudgingc. fiberoptics,d. theexpressdeliveryservices,ande. postcards.

(3) IfaninformedBroisunabletowitnessthegirlfightfirsthand,thespotterBrois

responsiblefordocumentingandrelatingdetailsofthegirlfightviapictures,video,orbarringanyotherreasonablemethod,interpretivedanceand/orpantomim


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ARTICLE27:Plagiarism

IfaBrocatchesanotherBroinplagiarism‐albeitawesomeplagiarism‐aBroshallberequiredtoasktheBrotocitehissource.

ARTICLE28:Tattoo

ABrodoesnotletanotherBrogetatattoo,particularlyatattooofagirlsname.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE29:CellPhonePositioning

Unlesshehaschildren,aBroshallnotwearhiscellphoneonabeltclip.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE30:ShirtsOff

ABroneverremoveshisshirtinfrontofotherBros,unlessataresortpoolorthebeach

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE31:Handbags

ABroshouldnevercarryawoman'shandbag

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE32:Age

(1) Mendonotlieabouttheirageunless

a. Itwouldbreakanyofthearticlesabovementioned

[22/10/08]


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ARTICLE33:MovingGrounds

(1) ABromayaskhisBro(s)tohelphimmove,butonlyafterfirstdisclosinganhonestestimateonbothtimecommitmentandnumberoflargepiecesoffurniture.

(2) IftheBrohasvastlyunderestimatedeither,hisBrosretaintherighttoleavehispossessionswheretheyare‐inmostcases,stuckinadoorway.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE34:Devil’sThreeway

(1) Broscannotmakeeye‐contactduringaDevil'sThreeway(2) Guysmustnottouch,exceptwhenmotivatedtohigh‐fiveorknucklebump.(3) Anythree‐waysinvolvingStephenBaldwinorJunyiarediscouragedatallcosts.

ARTICLE37:NameCalling

(1) IfoneBrocallsanotherBroadouchethensaidnamingmustbeconfirmedbyanotherBroevenifthethirdBroisachick.

(2) Thisnamingonlyrequiresa"second"byanyBroanddoesnotrequireamajorityvotebyallBrosinvolved.

ARTICLE40:LoveThyNeighBro

Lovethyneigh‐bro

ARTICLE50:BroPayment&Repayments

(1) Thebrowiththebetterpayingjobisrequiredtobuythefirstround.(2) Iftheotherbroistemporarilyoutofmoneyorlefthiswalletathomedrinkscan

belendedyetinthelongrunthesedrinksmustberepaidwhichcanbeintheformof:

a. Wingmanservicesorb. anyotheractofentertainmentoratthenextgatheringorthatparticular

nightinquestionc. Beerd. Cash(thisisthelastresort–thismethodishighlydiscouraged)


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PARTII:EMERGENCY

ARTICLE53:Protection991

(1) ABrowill,wheneverpossible,providehisBrowithprotection.(2) IntheeventthatoneBrofindshimselflackingthenecessaryprophylactic

accoutrementsneededtocompletetheactofcoitusinasafeandeffectivemanner,heisintherighttoexpecthisBrowilluseallmeasureswithinorwithouthismeanstoprovidetheaforementionedprophylacticinatimelyyetdiscreetfashion.

(3) WhenaBrosignalshisneedusingpreviouslyagreeduponcodewordsand/orbodysignage,itisunderstoodthathisBrowilldiscontinueallpresentactivityexcepting

a. theactofcoitusitself[wherebywhichBrovowstofinishasquicklyaspossible]],

(4) SaidbromustrespondwithapanoplyofoptionsatBro‐in‐need'slocation.ABromustpatronizethemostrapidmethodoftransportationavailablewhileendeavoringtoassisthisBro;

a. Innoinstancemayatwo‐wheeledbicyclebeused*asthisisnotonlyhumiliating,butalsopotentiallyharmfultotheperineum‐azoneoftissueperilouslyadjacenttonotedsexualorgans.

(5) Intheeventthatastate,federal,international,orgalacticlawisbreachedduetorecklessness,unacceptablelevelsofspeed,and/orthehijackingofanairbornevehicle(s),itisunderstoodthattheprimaryBrowillshoulderanyassociatedlegalfeesorfines.

(6) However,anycostsordamagesincurredfromtheuseofpublictransportationaretheresponsibilityofthesecondaryBroaloneasthisisaninstanceofQuidProBro.

(7) UponarrivalattheprimaryBro'slocation,thesecondaryBromustexercisecompletediscretionsoasnottodisrupttheprimaryBro's"flow."

(8) ItisunderstoodthataBrowillengageinalltrainingnecessarytoachievethisobjective,including,atminimum,afivemonthNinjitsucurriculummasteringthetwinartsofstealthandsecrecy.**

*UnlessabicycleistheONLYformoftransportation,asinsomeCambodianvillages**SEEAPPENDIX:"Listofapprovedninjatrainingfacilitiesanddojos."


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ARTICLE54:Dumpachick

ABrowilldropwhateverhe'sdoingandrushtohelphisBrodumpachick

[22/10/08]


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PARTIII:BOUNDARYLIMITATIONS

ARTICLE56:SportingScores

ABroshallneverrevealthescoreofasportingeventtoanotherBrountilthatBrohasthriceconfirmedit’scool.

ARTICLE57:ChickRatioAtAParty

ABromaynotspeculateontheexpectedBro/chickratioofapartyorvenuewithoutfirstdisclosingthepresent‐timeobservedratio.

ARTICLE58:Notifications

IfaBro,forwhateverreason,becomesawareofanotherBro’sgirlfriend’sbirthdayand/oranniversarydate,heshallendeavortomakethatinformationavailabletohisBro,regardlesswhetherhethinkshisBroalreadyknows.

ARTICLE60:110%Effort

ShouldaBrobeneartoclosingwithagirl,hisBroshalldoanythingwithinhismeanstoensurethedesiredoutcome,uptoandincludingtheseductionofsaidgirl’swildlyunattractivecousin/friend/mother(referArticle89).

ARTICLE61:RespectThyParents

ABroshallhonorhisfatherandmotherirrespectiveoftheiractions

ARTICLE62:TargetsAcquired

IntheeventthattwoBrosacquirethesametarget,theBrowiththelongerdryspellhasdibs.Shouldthedryspellsbeofequallength,thebrowiththelowersexcountwins.


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ARTICLE63:AdultMaterial

(1) InascenarioinwhichtwoormoreBrosareengagedinentertainmentoftheadultvariety,oneBroisforbiddenfromintentionallyorunintentionally;

a. touchinganotherBroinANYcapacity,includingbutnotlimitedto;i. thehighfive,ii. thefistbump,oriii. thecongratulatoryglutealpat.iv. Winkingisalsokindofano‐no.

ARTICLE64:SportTicketProvisions

ABromuchprovidehisbrowithatickettoaneventifsaideventinvolvesthesecondBro’sfavoritesportsteaminaplayoffscenario.

ARTICLE65:PubHouseRules

ABromustalwaysreciprocatearoundofdrink(s)amongBroswiththeprovisothatnoexistingwagersupersedesthispurchaseandexchangeofspirits.

ARTICLE66:RelationshipBreakups

(1) IfaBrosufferspainfromapermanentdissolutionofarelationshipwithaladyfriend,aBroshalloffernothingmorethana“thatsucks,man”andcopiousquantitiesofbeer.

(2) ABrowillalsorefrainfrompejorativecommentary–deservedornot–regardingsaidladyfriendforaperiodofthreemonths,whentherequisiteBACKSLIDEWINDOWhasclosed.

[22/10/08]


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ARTICLE67:InstrumentsUsedAtParties

ShouldaBropickupaguitaratapartyandcommenceplaying,anotherBroshallpointoutthatheisatool.

ARTICLE68:PriorityStreaks

IfaBroisonahotstreak,anotherBrowilldoeverythingpossiblytoensureitslongevity,evenifthatincludesjeopardizinghisownrecords,themissingofwork,ortemporarilyimmigratingtoaforeigncountry.

ARTICLE69:SelfInflictions

Ifanybrosactsoutoflineanddefiesanybroscodeduringamultiplebrosconversationwithanynumberofgirls,theotherbroshavetherighttotellanyhumiliatingstoriesandfactsaboutsaidbrosforthepurposeofruiningsaidbroschanceswiththegirl(s)

ARTICLE70:Alcohol/DrugOverdoseViolation

(1) Anybroswhonoticeafellowbrospassedoutatanysocialgatheringduetodrugoralcoholconsumption,isobligatedtotakehumiliatingphoto'sand/orvideosofthepassedoutbros;

(2) Unlesssaidbroshasconsumedawhiskey,rum,scotchorotherhardliquortoanexcessofaratioof:onceounce:3kgofbodymass(7lbsimperial)

[22/10/08]


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ARTICLE71:BropartyRule1

(1) ABroshowsupatanotherBro'spartywithatleastonemoreunitofalcoholthanheplanstodrink.

(2) SoifaBroplansonchuggingasixpack,heshallbringasixpackplusatleastonecanofbeerunless

a. thepartysucksand/ortherearetoomanydudes,theBroisentitledtoleavewithhisalcohol,thoughetiquettedictatesheshouldwaituntilnobodyislooking

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE72:BroOutgoings

IftwoBrosdecidetocatchamovietogether,theymaynotattendascreeningthatbeginsafter4:40pm.Alsodespitethecostsavings,theyshallnotsplitatubofpopcorn,choosinginsteadtoprocureindividualbags.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE73:LanguageRequirements

(1) ABroshouldnotspeakmorethantwolanguagesunless

a. Hehaslivedforaminimumof9monthsinacountrywhosemainlanguageisoneofthoselanguages

b. Heusestheextralanguageasameansofpickingupwomenwhoonlyspeakthatlanguage

c. Hisjobrequireshimtoknowmorethan2languages

d. Itisameansofonlytoimpresswomenandnothingelse

(2) IfintheoccurrencethataBroknowsmorethan2languages,itisthegivenrightforsaidbrotoinviteotherbrostopartieswherethislanguageisspoken,havingsaidbroescortandbetheofficialbilingualwingman

[22/10/08]


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ARTICLE74:HotChickStreak

(1) IfaBrobeonahotstreak,anotherBrowilldoeverythingpossibletoensureitslongevity,evenifthatincludesjeopardizing

a. hisownrecords,

b. themissingofwork;or

c. temporaryimmigrationtoaforeigncountry.

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE75:Word‘Cute’

Thewordcuteshouldnotbeusedotherthendescribingachicktheywanttobone

ARTICLE76:Unhotness

(1) ShouldaBro(1st,2ndor3rd)behookingupwithanunattractivewoman,theBrothatnoticesthismustdoallintheirpowertostopsaidBrofromclosingthedeal,unless

a. theyarehelpinganotherBrowithArticle89

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE77:TearRule

(1) ABronevercries.(2) Intheeventthathedoes,hemustundernocircumstanceadmitittoanyone

otherthanagirlheistryingtoscorewith. [22/10/08]

ARTICLE80:SlapBets

(1) Wheninaslapbetthybromustalwaysobeytherulesoftheslapbet.(2) Ifcaughtcheatinginaslapbettheselectedslapbetcoordinatormustrulethe

consequencesofhowmanymoreslapsmustbegiventothycheater


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ARTICLE85:AbRule

Ifyoucomplimentaguyonhissix‐pack,youbetterbereferringtohisbeer.

ARTICLE86:ComfortZoneRestrictions

(1) Nevershareabedwithaguy,unless

a. there'snowayaroundit,

b. Apillowismaintainedbetweenthematallmaterialtimes,and

c. botharefacingoppositedirections

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE87:“Yes’Rule

"ABroshallatalltimessay'Yes'"

ARTICLE88:GreetingaBro

UpongreetinganotherBro,aBromayengageinahighfive,fistbump,oraBrohug,butneverafullembrace

[22/10/08]

ARTICLE89:FamilyException


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(1) "ABromayneverpursuethemomofanotherBro."a. BeithereresolvedthatatnopointisitpermissibleforoneBrotoengage

incarnaldelicacieswithanotherBro'smother.b. However,allowedandencouragedforoneBrotographicallysuggesttoa

Brotheathleticfeats,animalia,and/ormachineryutilizedduringafictionalencounterwithhismom.[[NOTABENE:ItiscustomaryforaBrotoavoidsuchBrocularityifhisBro'smomisa9orbetter,forfearofOedipalinducement.]]

c. ShouldaBrodiscoverhisBroisinfactadopted,heisfreetopursuehisBro'sadoptivemother,butonlyafterfirstcorroboratingnon‐biologicalparentagethroughnotarizedbirthcertificates,hospitalrecords,orcomparativedioxyribonucleicacidgelelectrophoresis,whicheveriseasiest.

d. SincetheadoptedBrocannotlegitimatelyclaimtohavesharedacanalwithhisBro.

e. ThoughthemomofaBroisalwaysofflimits,thestep‐momofaBroisallowedifsheinitiatesitand/oriswearingatleastonearticleofleopardprintclothing(Ifshelooksgoodinit.)

Code Of The Brotherhood (Cap 89, 2008 Rev.Ed)...CODE OF THE BROTHERHOOD [CAP 89, 2008 REV. ED.] 3...

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