Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!!!

Coaching Workshop!

Workbook!!

!Schaeffler

Lawrence Hallett!Wales Quality Centre

Page � of �1 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

!SESSION OVERVIEW!!Beginning in the late 1990s articles in magazines touted the value of having a coach and executives in companies began exploring what a coach could do for their companies and for their own performances.!!Coaching encourages us to consider human beings in their wholeness, not just focusing on the problem or the area for improvement, but realizing that we bring our whole selves to our work and our relationships with others. Often in our impatience to “fix” a problem, we ignore the person and focus just on the problem. Coaching takes us away from the fixing mode and leads us into a new way of working with others that are more open, organic and fluid.!!While the process of becoming a competent coach involves training, self-development, and practice, this module will introduce how participants can diagnose where a breakdown in a person’s performance is occurring and develop practices to help that person improve.!!SESSION OUTCOMES!!By the end of this session, participants will be able to:!!

• Distinguish between coaching and mentoring!• Understand the significance of goals within coaching.!• Distinguish and recognise various coaching models!• Conduct coaching sessions!• Read Body Language signals!• Enhanced their Questioning skills!• Recognise the importance of listening in the coaching process!! !!!

Page � of �2 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler !!

A. Opening Overview: Perceived Purpose, Intended outcomes, schedule – Individual goals

B. CoachingWhat is it - how has it developed

C. Good and bad practice related to coaching and mentoring Coaching video examples – a video example of both good and bad practice – including Coaching – how not to do it!

D. Coaching Models

Introduction and understanding of 4 coaching models including!• The GROW model!• The OSKAR coaching model!

The importance of goal setting!E. Body LanguageExamination of the theory and practice of body language – The group will observe a presentation and comment on the body language signals

F. QuestioningExploration of various questioning techniques that will enable greater coaching mastery!G. Listening

We all talk about but few us practice it -learn how to improve your listening skills

H. LearningLearning and the competence ladder

I. Session review

Delegates are issued with a post assignment

Page � of �3 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler !

Personal Goals!!Use the space below to record any personal goals you would like to achieve as a consequence of this course. Once your goals have been recorded please discuss with a colleague – this will help to crystalise and test the validity of the goals!!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Page � of �4 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!!

Coaching!!Please use the space to record a definition of coaching – Once constructed please discuss with a colleague. Also use this time to discuss potential benefits of coaching and examples of good and bad coaching practices either observed or experienced!!!!________________________________________________________________!!!_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________

Page � of �5 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!!

Coaching Backgound/Definitions!!Etymologically, the English term “coach” is derived from a medium of transport that traces its origins to the Hungarian word kocsi meaning “carriage” that was named after the village where it was first made. The first use of the term coaching to mean an instructor or trainer arose around 1830 in Oxford University slang for a tutor who "carries" a student through an exam. Coaching thus, has been used in language to describe the process used to transport people from where they are, to where they want to be. The first use of the term in relation to sports came in 1831.!Historically the evolution of coaching has been influenced by many other fields of study including those of personal development, adult education, psychology (sports, clinical, developmental, organizational, social and industrial) and other organizational or leadership theories and practices. !Since the mid-1990s, coaching has developed into a more independent discipline and professional associations such as the Association for Coaching, The International Coach Federation, and the European Coaching and Mentoring Council have helped develop a set of training standards - Janet Harvey, president of the International Coach Federation, was quoted in a New York Times article about the growing practice of Life Coaching, in which she traces the development of coaching to the early 1970s Human Potential Movement and credited the teachings of Werner Erhard's "Training," the popular self-motivation workshops he designed and led in the '70's and early '80's. !The facilitative approach to coaching in sport was pioneered by Timothy Gallwey (1974 - The Inner Game of Tennis.); before this, sports coaching was (and often remains) solely a skills-based learning experience from a master in the sport. Other contexts for coaching include executive coaching, life coaching, emotional intelligence coaching and wealth coaching.! “Coaching - unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance; helping them to learn rather than teaching them”!Timothy Gallwey -Author the inner game!

Page � of �6 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!!!

Can you Coach –The Nail challenge!!For this exercise we will need 2 volunteers to act as coaches. The aim of the exercise is to see how many nails can be balanced on the head of the nail that has been hammered into the piece of wood provided. We will make the exercise competitive – which team can achieve the greater number!!At the end of the exercise please record your views of how the coach aided (or not) the process!!The nails must be free standing – no additional materials, glue, elastic bands etc can be used to help the nails balance on the head of the nail in the wood!!Coaching observations!!________________________________________________________________!!!_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Page � of �7 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!!

Good coach bad coach!!Observe the following video and record any good or bad practices!!!________________________________________________________________!!!_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!

Page � of �8 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!

Coaching Models!!The GROW model!The GROW model was developed in the United Kingdom and was used extensively in the corporate coaching market in the late 1980s and 1990s.!There have been many claims to authorship of GROW as a way of achieving goals and solving problems. While no one person can be clearly identified as the originator Graham Alexander, Alan Fine, Sir John Whitmore,who are well known in the world of coaching, made significant contributions. Max Landsberg also describes GROW in his book The Tao of Coaching[!GROW is very well known in the business arena but it also has many applications in everyday life. The particular value of GROW is that it provides an effective, structured methodology which both helps set goals effectively and is a problem solving process.!It can be used by anyone without special training. The value of GROW is that it is easily understood, straightforward to apply and very thorough. In addition it is possible to apply it to a large variety of issues in a very effective way.!G Goal This is the end point, where the client wants to be. The goal has to be defined in such a way that it is very clear to the client when they have achieved it. !!R Reality This is how far the client is away from their goal. If the client were to look at all the steps they need to take in order to achieve the goal, the Reality would be the number of those steps they have completed so far. !!O Obstacles There will be Obstacles stopping the client getting from where they are now to where they want to go. If there were no Obstacles the client would already have reached their goal. !Options Once Obstacles have been identified, the client needs to find ways of dealing with them if they are to make progress. These are the Options. !!W Way Forward The Options then need to be converted into action steps which will take the client to their goal. These are the Way Forward.!!

Page � of �9 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!

Example!This is a very simple example of using the GROW model to achieve a goal. This example deals with weight loss. The client wants: ‘To bring my weight down to 120 pounds in three months and keep it down’. That is their Goal.!The GROW approach would then be to establish the Reality by stating what their weight is now. The coach would then ask awareness questions to deepen understanding of what is

happening when the client tries to lose weight, thus identifying the Obstacles. These questions could include:!

• When you have been able to lose weight – what made the difference?!• What is the difference between the times you are able to keep weight off and the

times when you put it on again?!• What would have to change for you to be sure you could lose the weight and keep it

off?!If the client genuinely answers these questions they will discover new information about what works and does not work for them in terms of weight loss, and create some potential for change. It then becomes possible to create some strategies or Options which get around the Obstacles. These could include looking at which diets or exercise regimes work best, or finding a specific type of support. Once the client knows the strategies that are likely to work they can establish a Way Forward which involves taking action steps. This is where they commit to what they will do in the short term to put the strategies into effect. For instance, one action might be asking a particular person for support, and another might be to buy a different selection of foods.!

Page � of �10 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

OSKAR Coaching Model!The OSKAR Coaching Model is a solutions-focused coaching model. It was invented by Paul Z Jackson. Managers and coaches like it because it’s easy and useful. The acronym OSKAR stands for!

Outcome — establish a “platform” (the current problem/situation) for change from which to coach.!Scaling — establish where the coachee is already in relation to the platform.!Know How — establish what positives have given the coachee that rating.!Affirm and Action — positive reinforcement of the keys strengths and attributes the coachee has revealed.!Review — review progress against actions (this takes place at the beginning of the next coaching session.)!

Outcome !At this initial stage of the model the coach establishes a “platform” from which to coach: the coachee accepts her situation and her committment to change. This confirms that the coachee really wants to change. At the outset you are also clarifying:!

What the coachee wants to achieve in the future — this may be in the long, medium and short term.!What they want to achieve from the session itself and how they will know it has been useful to them!The Future Perfect: “Suppose that the problem vanished overnight – how will you know tomorrow that the transformation has happened? — How will others know? What will

Page � of �11 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

you be doing?”In other words the perfect scenario desired by the coachee is established. At this point the coach might ask miracle questions. Miracle questions really help the coachee strongly to visualise and in detail the desired outcome.!What the coachee wants to achieve today.!

Scaling Once coach and coachee have a common clear picture of the desired outcome of the coaching the coach establishes where the coachee is already in relation to this. Scaling Techniques which are also used in Agile Retrospectives are very useful to quantify this relation on a scale of 1 to 10.!

• “On a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 represents the Future Perfect  and 0 represents the worst it has ever been: where are you on that scale today?”!

• “You are at a particular number n on the scale now. What did you do to achieve this?”!

• “How would you know you would have achieved your  next number n+1 on the scale ?”!

Know How !In the Know How stage the coach uncovers the positives motivating the coachee to her rating by linking to the Scaling stage – what skills, knowledge and attributes caused her to say a 4 or 5 rather than a 0.!This stage is all about building up the coachee’s awareness and developing her confidence on the own strengths. At this stage the coach might ask s0 called systemic questions like:!

• “What skills/knowledge/attributes do you currently have that will help you?”!• “When have you done

this/something similar before?”!

• “What would others say is working for you?”!

• “What helps you to perform at level n on the scale, rather than at 0?”!

• “When does the outcome already happen for you?”!

• “What did you do to make that happen? — How did you do that?”!

• “What did you do differently?”!• “What would other people say you are doing well?”!

Page � of �12 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

The Know How stage is really like “digging for gold”. — Plenty of time should be taken to establish the resources the coachee has available to her.!

Affirm and Action !In the Affirming stage the coach provides a positive reinforcement of what she  had heard. The coach reflects back positive comments about some of the keys strengths and attributes the coachee has revealed, e.g. “I am impressed with the knowledge you have in this are.” or “It’s evident from what you have just said that this is working for you.”!Action — this is about helping the coachee to determine what small action or actions she will now take.!

• “What is already going well?”!• “What is the next small step?”!• “What would you like to do personally, straight away?”!• “You are at scale n now – what would it take to get you to n+1?”!

Review !This final stage of the OSKAR coaching model is for reviewing progress against actions and is therefore most likely to take place at the beginning of the next coaching session. The emphasis is on reviewing the positives:!

• “What is (now) better?”!• “What did you do that made change successful?”!• “What do you think will change next?”!• “What effects have the changes had?”!

!Page � of �13 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!!

Try it out – Exercise!Individually - Construct a CV - containing your planned achievements for the forthcoming year!In pairs - Coach using 1 of the coaching models, working on the assumption that you are meeting in 1 month!________________________________________________________________!!!_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!

!!!

Page � of �14 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!

!Body language Video’s - watch the following video’s and record your observations!!Hilary Clinton____________________________________________________ !_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!Coaching Video___________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!!!!

Page � of �15 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any Situation!

You've likely heard that body language accounts for up to 55% of how we communicate, but reading non-verbal cues isn't just about broad strokes. The same gesture can indicate a number of different things depending on context. In this post, we're going to take a look at three common situations in which non-verbal cues are especially important—detecting lies, going on a date, and interviewing for a job—then explain how to interpret body language more accurately so that you can read between the lines when a person's words aren't necessarily conveying the way that they honestly feel.!

We lie a lot. When having a conversation with a stranger, chances are we'll lie in the first ten minutes. Sometimes we'll lie more than once in that same period of time. These may not always be big lies, but we still do it. We all willingly partake in deception from time to time because it helps us avoid conflict, but often we're better off knowing the truth. While words can be deceptive, the human body is a terrible liar. This is where reading body language and using your own effectively, can be extremely useful when communicating with others.!

First, the

basics.!

Body Language Basics!

When you're reading body language, your primary goal is to determine whether or not a person is comfortable in their current situation. Once you do this, it's a process of using context and other cues—which we'll get into later—to figure out the specifics. There are plenty of ways a person may indicate their comfort level, but here are a few of the most common.!

Page � of �16 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

!!Positive body language:!!

• Moving or leaning closer to you!

• Relaxed, uncrossed limbs!• Long periods of eye

contact!• Looking down and away

out of shyness!• Genuine smiles!!

Negative body language:!

• Moving or leaning away from you!• Crossed arms or legs!• Looking away to the side!• Feet pointed away from you, or towards and exit!• Rubbing/scratching their nose, eyes, or the back of their neck!

!A single cue can mean a myriad of things. For example, crossed arms falls under the category of negative body language and can suggest that a person is physically cold, closed off, or frustrated. It can even indicate that they've simply had too much to eat. It's necessary to pay attention to multiple behavioral cues as a single one can be misleading. While it will help to indicate comfort level, to really understand why you need to look deeper. This means paying attention to other cues as well as their context. As we get into the specific situations, we'll look at how these cues work together to help uncover the truth in a given moment.!

Spot a Liar!

One of the biggest advantages of learning to read body language well is being able to judge when someone is lying with a fair amount of accuracy. Your intuition is never going to be 100% accurate, but with a little practice you can become more aware of when you're being fed a load of crap. It's very important to recognize what kind of lies you are actually detecting. The techniques we're going to discuss in this section correspond to big lies—the lies people tell when they are uncomfortable or afraid of the truth. These skills will get you almost nowhere in detecting white lies, small lies of omission, and what people do most often: exaggerate. Those types of deception are very hard to detect, and it's important to remember that, regardless of the type of untruth, you'll never know for certain. You can, however, pick up on common cues so you know when to hold a healthy suspicion about what a person is saying.!

Page � of �17 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Pamela Meyer, author of Liespotting, conducted significant research on the ways we lie to figure out the common patterns in our body language. She found that liars often exhibit much of the behavior you'd find in any other uncomfortable person, but with a few very specific additional traits.!

Fake Smiles People are bad at offering a genuine smile when they're lying. In fact, a genuine smile (often referred to as a Duchenne smile), is often said to be impossible to fake. This is why many of us end up with awkward family photos. We may think we look like we're smiling, but to most anyone it looks like we're faking it. This is because your smile is in your eyes, or, more specifically, the wrinkles around them. You display a few crows feet when you smile genuinely because your smile pushes up your cheeks which bunches up the skin near your eyes. It's fairly hard to fake this. You need to feel some sort of genuine happy emotion at the time to do it, and when you're uncomfortable this is next to impossible. This is why a non-genuine smile can be a helpful indicator of a lie in progress.!

!Stiff Upper Body and Too Much Eye ContactLiars like to overcompensate when they're lying, and so they'll often try to remain still and offer eye contact. This will often result in so much eye contact it's often a little unsettling, and their body will become stiff because they're attempting not to fidget. Normally, people move and do not hold eye contact for extended periods of time. When uncomfortable, however, people will often rub their neck or eyes and look away to the side. Rather than exhibit the positive body language that would imply comfort, liars tend to opt for doing very little. This, in and of itself, is an indicator. Look for tense shoulders and an unusually high amount of eye contact and you'll be more likely to spot a liar.!

!Page � of �18 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

!Context and Paired Behaviors!In addition to all these non-verbal cues, you'll need to pay attention to the context. Liars will often offer more details in their stories, suggest punishments for the "real culprit" if they're being accused of something, and answer you questions with a question to give them time to fabricate an answer rather than provide you with the truth. These behaviors, when paired with standard negative body language and the previously mentioned cues that liars exhibit, give you the right mix of untrustworthy behavior. Separately they may not mean much, but together they point to dishonesty.!!It's important to remember, however, that some people are just awkward and exhibit this kind of behavior with regularity. You should take the way a person normally acts into consideration as well. Watch their mannerisms and eye movements when you know they're telling the truth and compare that to the times when you think they're lying. When you see consistent change when certain statements are made, you'll know how this specific person acts when they're thinking of what to say rather than recalling information. Again, this or anything else previously mentioned isn't sufficient in detecting lies. You have to look for multiple cues or what you'll just discover that you're fooling yourself into believing you know the difference between fact and fiction.!

!Remember: Body Language Is Only Part of the Picture!

A better understanding of human body language can be useful in your own communication and in understanding others. It can also be a lot of fun to feel like you know what other people are thinking, when they're lying to you, and how comfortable they are in a given situation. That said, you're not a psychic. You can't read minds and the non-verbal cues you interpret are never going to tell you exactly what someone is feeling or thinking with spot-on accuracy. These techniques will help you

Page � of �19 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

find clues that can help you understand other people. Use them to communicate better and gain a better awareness of those around you. Don't pretend they're magic. All you're doing is paying closer attention to your natural, human intution.!

Questioning – an acquired skill or a natural gift!

!!The following material provides an excellent framework and platform to develop your questioning skills –Ref:. http://www.trans4mind.com/mind-development/course2_files/course2-chapter14.html

!Being able to ask questions is an important communication skill, both for conversation and for study. Questioning is a right-brain function, so work on this ability will help open out a holistic awareness. Nine types of questions are identified for this course. After you have done this section, you will be more aware of this aspect of communication, so that you can ask any type of appropriate question at will. !Questioning Exercise 1: The first exercise is aimed at becoming more fluent in the skill of asking questions, and to overcome timidity. Coach and Student sit face to face about 1 meter apart. The coach and Student use the Coaching Communication Cycle.

Page � of �20 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

a) The Coach says, "Ask me a question."b) The Student asks a question.c) The Coach briefly answers the question.

If the Student does not reply by asking a question, makes remarks or hesitates longer than about ten seconds, the coach repeats the request, "Ask me a question." Steps a), b) and c) should be repeated for ten minutes. Then, the Student and coach exchange roles and continue for the next ten minutes. At first, the Student will usually ask questions that are totally safe, such as "What is the time?", but with practice, he will be able to ask the questions he really wants to ask without turning a hair.!1. Open Questions These are questions that cannot be answered with a 'yes' or a 'no'. They invite the listener to talk fully about his opinions, thoughts, feelings and knowledge. Such questions often begin with "How," 'Why," or "What."

For example: 'What do you think about London?''Why are you learning about communication?''Tell me about your ambition?''Why are you laughing?''How do you use this computer?'

Open questions cannot be answered with 'yes' or 'no'. They are used to invite the listener to speak freely about his interests and feelings, beliefs and hopes, reasons and opinions. You should be aware when 'What?' and 'Why?' are being used, especially with children, to covertly criticize. For example, 'Why are you using that?' (meaning that you shouldn't use it) and, 'What are you doing that for?' (meaning you mustn't). When a person asks a question and it is clear, either by the manner of the questioner or the question, that there is a hidden purpose, e.g. to make you feel wrong, control you, put you down, or jeopardize you, the appropriate response is to ask, "Why are you asking that question?" People who ask such questions are often suffering from envy. Open Questions Exercise: Firstly, try to write a few examples of open questions you could ask your partner. Write down the answers, checking that they DO invite conversation and cannot be answered 'yes' or 'no'. After you get the idea, do the next part of the exercise. Coach and Student sit face to face about 1 meter apart. The Coach and Student use the Coaching Communication Cycle. The Coach begins the exercise with 'Start', or 'Start of Open Question Exercise'.

a) The Coach says "Ask me an open question."b) The Student asks an open question.c) The coach answers. The coach does not have to base his answer on his own experience; he can invent the answer if he wishes. d) The Student acknowledges the answer, saying, "Thank you", "Fine", or another acknowledgement.e) The coach returns to step a).

This exercise is to train the Student to use open questions. The Coach corrects the Student if the question isn't open, or if the Student fails to follow the Communication Cycle.

Page � of �21 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Example:Coach: "Ask me an open question."Student: "What have you been doing today?"Coach: "I went to work, etc."Student: "Fine."Coach: "Ask me an open question."Student: "Are you happy?"Coach: "Was that an open question?"Student: "No."Coach: "All right, let's continue. Ask me an open question."Student: "How do you feel about your job?......"

This exercise is completed when the Student is able to ask open questions without hesitation. 2. Closed Questions These questions can be answered with 'yes' or 'no', or they are questions that have only one answer such as a specific piece of information. So closed questions are good for quickly establishing facts. Often this type of question will start with "Where," "When," "How often," "Which" or something similar.

Examples of Yes/No questions are:"Do you like cats?""Are you nervous?""Do you smoke?" Examples of one-answer questions are?"What's the time please?""How far did you have to travel this evening?""When did you leave home?"

Note the difference between 'What's your telephone number?' and 'What do you think about telephones?' The first question asks for a single piece of information (your telephone number) and the second is inviting a range of opinions. Closed Questions Exercise: Get a clear idea of closed questions by writing some examples using Who, What, When and Where, together with their answers. This exercise is performed in the same way as the Open Question Exercise, except the Coach says, "Ask me a closed question.". The exercise is passed when the Student can ask closed questions without hesitation. 3. Extending Questions These questions invite the listener to say more on the subject, to explore further. For example:

Student: "Tell me about last night?"Coach: "I got angry."Student: "Could you tell me more about that?"

Page � of �22 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Coach: "I was asked to smoke outside and I refused."Student: "I see."

Extending Questions Exercise: The Coach says, "Ask me a question."The Student asks an open, or closed question - but usually an open one - and the Coach answers briefly. The Student asks an extending question and the Coach gives more information. Then the Student acknowledges.

The exercise follows the principles of the Open Question Exercise. Advanced exercise: Following on from the above, having asked an extending question and got an answer, the Student asks further extending questions, until the Coach runs out of answers. He then asks, "If you could answer (last question) what would the answer be?" This may restart the flow, which can continue for 5 minutes or more on a single topic. When the Coach has answered the last of the Student's questions (extending questions are a part or extension of the first question) then the Student should acknowledge. The Coach then returns to the beginning of the exercise and says, "Ask me a question." 4. Clarifying Questions These are questions that invite the listener to explain more clearly or in greater detail. For example:

"Could you explain that a bit more?""What do you mean by 'unreasonable'?"

Clarifying Questions Exercise: Here the Student asks an open question. The Coach answers. The Student asks a clarifying question. The Coach clarifies and the Student acknowledges. 5. Leading Questions These are questions that lead the listener to give the answer required by the speaker. They make it clear which answer is to be expected. For example:

'You're having fun, aren't you?''You wouldn't do that, would you?''I assume you are studying hard?'

They may used to make polite comments, e.g. 'Nice day, isn't it?' or 'Having fun?' They put words into the person's mouth, making agreement easier than disagreement. Rarely does such a question yield much information.

Example:Salesman: "This is a nice color, isn't it?"Customer: "Yes" (Thinks: It's easier to say 'Yes')!

Write down some examples of your own. 6. Hypothetical Questions This type of question poses a hypothetical problem or situation. They can be used to suggest things - without being criticized.

Examples of these are:'What would happen if we started to sell cassette tapes?''What if we moved to Devon?''If you started learning French, how long would you take?' Write down some examples of your own.

Page � of �23 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Politicians commonly say, "I never answer hypothetical questions". They can lead you to agree to something that hasn't happened and that you haven't really thought about. They are sometimes used by people who worry, to dream up all sorts of bad things that might happen. 7. Double-Barreled Questions These are two-in-one questions, such as:

'Explain why you were late and why you were rude to the boss?''When would you be happy or sad?'

These questions may ask for too much in one go, so the listener is confused or does not answer all the parts. Write down a few examples. 8. Limited Alternatives With this type of question the person is presented with a shopping list of alternatives. This is a closed question and like the leading question, will manipulate the person into giving a wanted answer rather than truth. For example:

'Which do you prefer, Indian or Chinese food?''Would you rather see a film, or stay at home?'

Alternative questions suggest there are only the options stated. For example, said by a salesman, "Is tomorrow at 10 convenient, or would Tuesday afternoon suit you better?" Of course, there are many options here that aren't mentioned, including, 'I don't want to see you at all!' 9. Assuming Questions Indicative of a closed-mind, these 'beg the question'; that is, they assume something is true when it might not be. For example,

'What do you think of the crime problem?' (Assumes there is a crime problem.) 'Are you still stealing from the boss?' (Assumes you were and invites the answer 'No', which suggests you were, but have stopped!)

!!!!!!!

Page � of �24 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!

Listening Listening is the ability to accurately receive messages in the communication process. Listening is key to all effective communication, without the ability to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated. Listening is so important that many top employers give regular listening skills training for their employees. . Good listening skills also have benefits in our personal lives, including: a greater number of friends and social networks, improved self-esteem and confidence, higher grades in academic work and increased health and wellbeing. Studies have shown that, whereas speaking raises blood pressure, listening brings it down. Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening requires more than that: it requires focus. Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages. “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” Rachel Naomi Remen

!

Page � of �25 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

We spend a lot of our time listening Adults spend an average of 70% of their time engaged in some sort of communication, of this an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001). !

! Based on the research of: Adler, R., Rosenfeld, L. and Proctor, R. (2001) Interplay: the process of interpersonal communicating (8th edn), Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt. ! Listening Of all the communications skills, listening is arguably the one which makes the biggest difference. The most brilliant and effective speaker utlimately comes undone if he/she fails to listen properly. Listening does not come naturally to most people, so we need to work hard at it; to stop ourselves 'jumping in' and giving our opinions. Mostly, people don't listen - they just take turns to speak - we all tend to be more interested in announcing our own views and experiences than really listening and understanding others. This is ironic since we all like to be listened to and understood. Covey says rightly that when we are understood we feel affirmed and validated. He coined the expression: 'Seek first to understand, and then to be understood', which serves as a constant reminder for the need to listen to the other person before you can expect them to listen to you. Levels of listening - 'effective listening' There are different types of listening. Typically they are presented as levels of listening.

Page � of �26 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Various people have constructed listening models. Below is an attempt to encompass and extend good current listening theory in an accessible and concise way. Bear in mind that listening is rarely confined merely to words. Sometimes what you are listening to will include other sounds or intonation or verbal/emotional noises. Sometimes listening involves noticing a silence or a pause - nothing - 'dead air' as it's known in broadcasting. You might instead be listening to a musical performance, or an engine noise, or a crowded meeting, for the purpose of understanding and assessing what is actually happening or being said. Also, listening in its fullest sense, as you will see below, ultimately includes many non-verbal and non-audible factors, such as body language, facial expressions, reactions of others, cultural elements, and the reactions of the speaker and the listeners to each other.

levels and types of listening

1 Passive Listening or Not Listening

Noise in the background - you are not concentrating on the sounds at all and nothing is registering with you. Ignoring would be another way to describe this type of listening. There is nothing wrong with passive listening if it's truly not important, but passive listening - which we might more aptly call Not Listening - is obviously daft and can be downright dangerous if the communications are important.

2 Pretend Listening You are not concentrating and will not remember anything because you are actually daydreaming or being distracted by something else even though you will occasionally nod or agree using 'stock' safe replies. This is a common type of listening that grown-ups do with children. This level of listening is called Responsive Listening in some other models, although Pretend Listening is arguably a more apt term, since the word 'responsive' suggests a much higher level of care in the listener, and Pretend Listening reflects that there is an element of deceit on the part of the listener towards the speaker. You will generally know when you are Pretend Listening because the speaker will see that glazed look in your eyes and say firmly something like, "Will you please Listen to me. I'm talking to you!" Especially if the speaker is a small child.

3 Biased Listening or Projective Listening

You are listening and taking in a certain amount of information, but because you already have such firm opposing or different views, or a resistance to the speaker, you are not allowing anything that is said or any noises made to influence your attitude and level of knowledge and understanding. You are projecting your position onto the speaker and the words. You would do this typically because you are under pressure or very defensive. You would normally be aware that you are doing this, which is a big difference between the next level and this one. This third level of listening is also called Selective Listening in some other models.

Page � of �27 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

4 Misunderstood Listening

You have an interest and perhaps some flexibility in respect of the words spoken and your reactions to them, but because you are not thinking objectively and purely you are putting your own interpretation on what you are hearing - making the words fit what you expect or want them to fit. This is a type of projective listening like level three above, but you will not normally be aware that you are doing it until it is pointed out to you. This is a type of listening that is prone to big risks because if you are not made aware of your failings you will leave the discussion under a very wrong impression of the facts and the feelings of the other person. It's a deluded form of listening. Arrogant people like politicians and company directors who surround themselves with agreeable accomplices can fall into seriously ingrained habits of Misunderstood Listening.

5 Attentive 'Data-Only' Listening

You listen only to the content, and fail to receive all the non-verbal sounds and signals, such as tone of voice, facial expression, reaction of speaker to your own listening and reactions. This is fine when the purpose of the communication is merely to gain/convey cold facts and figures, but it is very inadequate for other communications requiring an assessment of feelings and motives, and the circumstances underneath the superficial words or sounds. Attentive Listening is a higher level of listening than Misunderstood Listening because it can gather reliable facts, but it fails to gather and suitably respond to emotions and feelings, and the situation of the other person, which is especially risky if the other person's position is potentially troublesome. This is a common form of listening among 'push and persuade' sales people. Attentive Data-Only Listening is typically driven by a strong personal results motive. It can be highly manipulative and forceful. This type of listening wins battles and loses wars - i.e., it can achieve short-term gains, but tends to wreck chances of building anything constructive and sustainable.

Page � of �28 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

6 Active Listening This is listening to words, intonation, and observing body language and facial expressions, and giving feedback - but critically this type of listening is empty of two-way emotional involvement, or empathy. There is no transmitted sympathy or identification with the other persons feelings and emotional needs. This listening gathers facts and to a limited extent feelings too, but importantly the listener does not incorporate the feelings into reactions. This can be due to the listener being limited by policy or rules, or by personal insecurity, selfishness, or emotional immaturity. Active listening often includes a manipulative motive or tactics, which are certainly not present in the empathic level next and higher, and which is a simple way to differentiate between Active and Empathic listening.

Page � of �29 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

7 Empathic Listening or Empathetic Listening

You are listening with full attention to the sounds, and all other relevant signals, including:

• tone of voice • other verbal aspects - e.g., pace, volume,

breathlessness, flow, style, emphasis • facial expression • body language • cultural or ethnic or other aspects of the person

which would affect the way their communications and signals are affecting you

• feeling - not contained in a single sense - this requires you to have an overall collective appreciation through all relevant senses (taste is perhaps the only sense not employed here) of how the other person is feeling

• you able to see and feel the situation from the other person's position

You are also reacting and giving feedback and checking understanding with the speaker. You will be summarising and probably taking notes and agreeing the notes too if it's an important discussion. You will be honest in expressing disagreement but at the same time expressing genuine understanding, which hopefully (if your listening empathy is of a decent standard) will keep emotions civilized and emotionally under control even for very difficult discussions. You will be instinctively or consciously bringing elements of NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) and Transactional Analysis into the exchange. It will also be possible (for one who knows) to interpret the exchange from the perspective of having improved the relationship and mutual awareness in terms of the Johari Window concept.

Page � of �30 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

8 Facilitative Listening

This goes beyond even empathic listening because it implies and requires that you are able to extend an especially helpful approach to the other person or people. This element is not necessarily present in empathic listening. Another crucial difference is the capability to interpret the cognisance - self-awareness - of the speaker, and the extent to which you are hearing and observing genuine 'adult' sounds and signals (as distinct from emotionally skewed outputs), and to weigh the consequences of the other person's behaviour even if the other person cannot. In this respect you are acting rather like a protector or guardian, in the event that the other person is not being true to themselves. Eric Berne's Transactional Analysis theory comes close to explaining the aspects of mood and 'game-playing' which many people exhibit a lot unconsciously, and which can be very difficult notice using only the aims of and skills within empathic listening. This does not mean that you are making decisions or recommendations for the other person - it means you are exercising caution on their behalf, which is vital if you are in a position of responsibility or influence towards them. Facilitative Listening also requires that you have thought and prepared very carefully about what you will ask and how you will respond, even if you pause to think and prepare your responses during the exchange. Many people do not give themselves adequate pause for thought when listening and responding at an empathic level. Facilitative listening contains a strong additional element of being interested in helping the other person see and understand their options and choices. It's a powerful thing. Facilitative Listening is not generally possible if the circumstances (for example organisational rules and policy, matters of law, emergency, etc) demand a faster resolution and offer little or no leeway for extending help. There is a suggestion of transcendence and self-actualization - as described in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theory - within the approach to Facilitative Listening. It is devoid of any selfish personal motive, other than to extend help, rather than achieve any sort of normal material gain. The other person's interests are at the forefront, which cannot truthfully be said of any of the preceding levels of listening. Facilitative Listening is not an age or money-related capability. It is an attitude of mind.

Page � of �31 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

��� ©Alan Chapman 2009-11

!Exercise – 1 minute listening exercise!!________________________________________________________________!!!_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is left unsaid or only partially said. Listening involves observing body language and noticing inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal messages. For example, if someone tells you that they are happy with their life but through gritted teeth or with tears filling their eyes,

Page � of �32 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

you should consider that the verbal and non-verbal messages are in conflict, they maybe don't mean what they say. Listening requires you to concentrate and use your other senses in addition to simply hearing the words spoken. 1. Stop Talking “If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” Mark Twain.Don't talk, listen. When somebody else is talking listen to what they are saying, do not interrupt, talk over them or finish their sentences for them. Stop, just listen. When the other person has finished talking you may need to clarify to ensure you have received their message accurately. 2. Prepare Yourself to Listen Relax. Focus on the speaker. Put other things out of mind. The human mind is easily distracted by other thoughts – what’s for lunch, what time do I need to leave to catch my train, is it going to rain – try to put other thoughts out of mind and concentrate on the messages that are being communicated. 3. Put the Speaker at Ease Help the speaker to feel free to speak. Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue. Maintain eye contact but don’t stare – show you are listening and understanding what is being said. 4. Remove Distractions Focus on what is being said: don’t doodle, shuffle papers, look out the window, pick your fingernails or similar. Avoid unnecessary interruptions. These behaviours disrupt the listening process and send messages to the speaker that you are bored or distracted. 5. Empathise Try to understand the other person’s point of view. Look at issues from their perspective. Let go of preconceived ideas. By having an open mind we can more fully empathise with the speaker. If the speaker says something that you disagree with then wait and construct an argument to counter what is said but keep an open mind to the views and opinions of

others. ! 6. Be Patient A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own time, sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say it. Never interrupt or finish a sentence for someone. 7. Avoid Personal Prejudice

Page � of �33 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Try to be impartial. Don't become irritated and don't let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what they are really saying. Everybody has a different way of speaking - some people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some have regional accents or make excessive arm movements, some people like to pace whilst talking - others like to sit still. Focus on what is being said and try to ignore styles of delivery. 8. Listen to the Tone Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying. A good speaker will use both volume and tone to their advantage to keep an audience attentive; everybody will use pitch, tone and volume of voice in certain situations – let these help you to understand the emphasis of what is being said. (See our page on Effective Speaking for more) 9. Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces. Maybe one of the most difficult aspects of listening is the ability to link together pieces of information to reveal the ideas of others. With proper concentration, letting go of distractions, and focus this becomes easier. 10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important. We don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes – watch and pick up the additional information being transmitted via non-verbal communication. (See our page on non-verbal communication) Do not jump to conclusions about what you see and hear. You should always seek clarification to ensure that your understanding is correct. !

Page � of �34 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!

Listening Exercise This exercise is an activity idea chiefly for demonstrating and developing listening, understanding and interpretation abilities, but also for general communications and creative and competitive team working. The group will split into two teams. A given number of people per team, must read out a passage from the newspaper provided to the opposing team. Rotate the reading around the teams in turn rather than have each team perform all its readings one after the other. Teams must listen to the readings so as to answer questions later, posed by the team asking the questions. Taking written notes while listening is not allowed. When all the passages have been read, each team must then devise and ask the other team 10 questions in turn about the passages they've read. The winning team is the one to answer most answers correctly. The facilitator can award bonus points for answers which demonstrate particularly good interpretation of the subject matter included in the readings.

! !!!

Page � of �35 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!!

How do we learn?!!List a series of attributes that outline how we learn – support the list with examples!!!!________________________________________________________________!!!_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!!!!

Page � of �36 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Conscious competence Ladder!

!!!!Do you know what you don't know? When we find that we don't know something important, we're often motivated to learn more. However if we're blissfully unaware of our ignorance, there's little we can do about it. One of the first steps on the journey to acquiring new skills is therefore to be aware of what you don't know. This discovery can be uncomfortable, as can be the experience of not being very good at what you're trying to do (as you won't be, when you first start to learn.) The Conscious Competence Ladder is a popular and intuitive approach (attributed to many different possible originators) that helps us manage our own emotions during a sometimes dispiriting learning process. More than this, it helps us to be more in touch with the emotions of the people we are teaching, so we can better coach them through the learning process. Explaining the Model: According to this approach, consciousness is the first step towards gaining knowledge. To learn new skills and to gain knowledge you need to be conscious of what you do and do not know. Next, competence is your ability to do things. You may be highly competent in one area, but have no skill in another. Your competence level will depend on the task or job at hand. The idea is that as you build expertise in a new area, you move from "unconscious incompetence" to "conscious incompetence" and then to "conscious competence", finally reaching "unconscious competence." These are explained below, and this "ladder" of learning is shown in figure 1.

Page � of �37 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

��� Level 1 – Unconscious Incompetence (You Don't Know that You Don't Know) At this level you are blissfully ignorant: You have a complete lack of knowledge and skills in the subject in question. On top of this, you are unaware of this lack of skill, and your confidence may therefore far exceed your abilities. Level 2 – Conscious Incompetence (You Know that You Don't Know) At this level you find that there are skills you need to learn, and you may be shocked to discover that there are others who are much more competent than you. As you realize that your ability is limited, your confidence drops. You go through an uncomfortable period as you learn these new skills when others are much more competent and successful than you are. Level 3 – Conscious Competence (You Know that You Know) At this level you acquire the new skills and knowledge. You put your learning into practice and you gain confidence in carrying out the tasks or jobs involved. You are aware of your new skills and work on refining them. You are still concentrating on the performance of these activities, but as you get ever-more practice and experience, these become increasingly automatic.

Page � of �38 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Level 4 – Unconscious Competence (You Don't Know that You Know – It Just Seems Easy!) At this level your new skills become habits, and you perform the task without conscious effort and with automatic ease. This is the peak of your confidence and ability. Tip: Some people prefer to think of this as a matrix (hence "Conscious Competence Matrix" or "Learning Matrix") with Incompetence/Competence on the horizontal axis, and Unconscious/Conscious on the vertical axis. Use the approach you prefer. Using the Tool: The Conscious Competence Ladder helps us in two ways: It gives us reassurance when we need it, and it helps us coach others through a sometimes difficult learning process. During the Conscious Incompetence phase, we have the reassurance that while things are difficult and frustrating right now, things will get much better in the future. And when we're at the stage of Unconscious Competence, the model reminds us to value the skills we have so painstakingly acquired. As an approach to coaching others, it reminds us that people may be moving through these steps as they learn the new skills we're trying to teach them:

• Unconscious Incompetence: At the beginning of the process, they may be unaware of their own lack of competence, and may need to be made gently aware of how much they need to learn.

• Conscious Incompetence: During this stage, you'll need to provide plenty of encouragement, tolerate mistakes appropriately, and do what you can to help people improve.

• Conscious Competence: At this stage you need to keep people focused on effective performance of the task, and give plenty of opportunities for them to get practice.

• Unconscious Competence: Although this is the ideal state, you'll need to make sure that people avoid complacency, and stay abreast of their fields. You may also need to remind people how difficult it was to reach this state, so that they are tolerant with people at the Conscious Incompetence stage!

!

Page � of �39 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler!

Try it out – Exercise!In pairs - Coach using 1 of the coaching models, working on the assumption that you are meeting in 1 month!________________________________________________________________!!!_______________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!!________________________________________________________________!!

Page � of �40 41

Coaching Workshop!Schaeffler

Personal Coaching Action Sheet!!Things I need to start doing Things I need to Stop doing

Things I need to do more of Things I need to do less of

Page � of �41 41