Coaching day2

WELCOME to Day 2 of theCo-coaching programme with

STEWART LANE

AgendaTiming Activity

09.30 Welcome, review of previous day & contract, assignments

09.45 Working in Triads - Delivering feedback, SMART goals

9.55 Tools - Anti-Goals & Costs and Pay-Offs

11.15 Break

11.30 Tool - Time Management

12.10 Tool - T-GROW model

13.00 Lunch

13.45 Tool - BE-Do-Have formula

14.30 Tool- Team Mapping

15.15 Break

15.30 Selecting your goals for the programme, setting up co-coaching relationships and how the next 3 months will run

16.45 Questions, review of the day

17.00 Close

How you agreed to work together. Any changes?

Confidentiality - Chatham House rules

Mobile phones off/ on silent

Honesty

Commitment to the programme and process

Flexibility

Time Keeping - not keeping others waiting

Listening

Respect

Non Judgmental

So what is coaching? - recap

“Coaching focuses on future possibilities, not past mistakes”

“Unlocking a person's potential to maximise their own performance, helping them to learn rather than

teaching them”

Gallwey, 2000

What are some of the tools and ideas that we talked about, explored and practised yesterday?

Assignments!

What Happened?

Giving feedback - Consider how much to give & when to give it

Communication about:

– Performance– Effect on others

To make a

person more aware of:

– What they do– How they do it

Provide feedback on: Feedback

Behaviour NOT the person

Observation NOT inference

Description NOT judgement

Sharing ideas and information NOT giving advice

Exploring alternatives NOT providing answers

Giving Feedback requires

CourageSkill

Understanding Self-respect Respect for others

CHECK:Is feedback welcomed

and agreed?How does the other

person want feedback?Has it been accurate?

Value for the receiver NOT release for the giver

What Went Well/Even Better If - Feedback formula

Ask coach to say WWW then EBI for them Listen Ask coachee to say WWW then EBI Give your own feedback WWW then EBI (as action points) End with a summary of the positives Avoid rambling discussions

Observers:

SMART Goals: The acronym SMART has a number of slightly different variations, which can be used to provide a more comprehensive definition for goal setting:

S - specific, significant, stretching M - measurable, meaningful, motivational A - agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented R - realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented T - time-based, timely, tangible, trackable

Once you have agreed a goal with your coachee, It is important to consider whether his/her goals Are SMART goals:

Well defined

Clear to both parties what is involved

Specific

Measurable

Agreed upon

Realistic

Time based

Is goal obtainable? How far away is completion?

Know when it has been achieved

Agreement with the coachee what the goals should be

Within the availability of resources, knowledge and time

Enough time to achieve the goal

Not too far ahead that the coachee may lose impetus

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TOOL 10

Anti-Goals

Anti-Goals “I’ve been chasing this dream for ever and I’m still no where near it”

“Doing everything I can and everything I can think ofBut never seem to getAnywhere”

Concept: Anti-goals are often present when we keep trying to change or create a particular outcome, yet never seem to make much headway.

A person may have carefully considered all the reasons why they want to experience a particular outcome. They may be steadily working towards that goal, but always encounter the same blocks or never quite make enough progress. In this case we would want to investigate if they have any Anti-GoalsKey questions:

What is it that you want/ are trying to do? What could go wrong if you achieved it?



Lets explore an example:Why I want my own place

1. More privacy, feel independent2. Away from hostel - which I really don’t like3. Feel it’s a move in a better direction

Why I don’t want my own place1. I’m frightened of being alone2. I don’t know if I can handle the responsibility3. I might not be able to pay my rent

What’s happening here?



Moving towards something you want is way more powerful than trying to get away from something you don’t want

You also have a far higher chance of success - why?

Coaching triad activity 1 - anti-goals

1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,

1 to observe

Coachee identifies a goal, issue or circumstance

where they feel blocked

Coach begins anti-goal investigation process

Agree an action to move situation forward

Observers run a short feedback session

Keep to task and to the point, & be aware of time

Avoid rambling conversations

Feedback on last activity

What went well? Even better if?

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TOOL 11

Costs & Pay-Offs

Costs & Pay-Offs

Identifying the gap is the first step to transforming ambivalence

Creates a Gap Between a client’sDesire, goal or Objective and itsOpposing force

Concept: When a client is stuck on an issue, or unresolved about moving forward or resistant to taking any steps, this tool is very helpful. It encourages the client to start creating a gap in their mind between something they want and its opposing force. The opposing force might be a behaviour, a habit, apathy etc.

Costs & Pay-Offs



All this tool requires is to start work with questioning:

Ask client to identify what they think might be getting in the way of Key questions: Ask client to clarify something that is important to them; an ambition, a goal or something that would improve the quality of their life

Ask client to identify what they think might be getting in the way of

Costs & Pay-Offs



Client wishes to be re-united with childrenObstacle:Client has substance abuse addiction and needs to be clean in order to achieve desire

Question set AWhat would happen if you achieved your goal? (explore this as fully as possible)How would that make you feel?What do you need to do first?How will you do that?What does it cost you to get clean? What does it cost you to not do that? (explore this as fully as possible) What else?

What’s the pay-off (benefit) for getting clean?What’s the pay-off for not getting clean?

Example:

Costs & Pay-Offs



Costs & Pay-offs discussions do not need to necessarily be resolved or lead to actions in a session. They are a way of unlocking an individual’s thinking or shifting ambivalence. It is usual for a client to remember the discussion and carry on the debate for days after the session, there-by deepening the gap between their desire and its opposing force, which can lead to an action or step instigated by client towards their chief goal.

Example:

Coaching triad activity 1 - costs & pay-offs


1 to observe

Coachee identifies a goal, issue or circumstance

where they feel blocked

Coach begins costs & pay-offs investigation process

If coachee identifies a ‘gap’, ask them to rate out of ten

how strong it is (if 1 is low, 10 is high). A question might be:

“ how strongly do you feel the wish to achieve that (goal)

right now?”

Observers run a short feedback session

Keep to task and to the point, & be aware of time

Avoid rambling conversations

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TOOL 12

Time Management Wheel

Time Management Wheel

Satisfaction rating

1. Individually, consider each section of the wheel from your personal point of view. How much of your time is devoted to it?

2. Marking out of ten ( if 1 is low, 10 is high) how satisfied do you feel with the current situation?

Health& Exercise

Caring for

others/ Seeing

to other’s needs

Preparing mealsEating Well

Quality timeSelf developmentCreative pursuits

Work/Career

SleepingRest &

Relaxation

Friends and Social life

Process

3. What conclusions can you

Draw from your responses?

What would you change?

What actions can you take?

Finding the balance

Coaching triad activity


1 to observe - swap roles

Ask coachee to talk through their time management wheel

Which areas need attention or are not in balance?

Does coachee consider change in any area necessary?

Agree a new possibility or some action/s that will constitute

an improvement

Tools that might help: Anti-goals and Costs & Pay-offs

Feedback session run by observer

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TOOL 13

T-Grow model

REALITY

Testing:

Who, what, where?

How much?

TGROW Coaching Model - a framework for running a coaching session

Copyright circle indigo

THEME

Initial

understanding

WILL

Clarity

Commitment

support

GOAL

For the session

OPTIONS

What’s possible

TGROW 1

The Theme for the session is what the client would like to discuss. Typical themes may be career, life balance,

self- confidence, relationships, environment, money, and health. After a few sessions with the coachee, a coach

may have a good idea of the themes the client may want to discuss, however the coach must take care not to

come to the session assuming they know what the coachee wants to discuss or with the their own agenda,

The Goal. The coach should define one goal that could resolve the issue when it is achieved. State the outcome

to be achieved by the end of the session Define how far in time and progress this outcome will take the client towards

their goal.

TGROW 2

Reality: The coach will need to question the coachee to understand the factors that are impacting on the goal

and it’s achievement.

Where are you now in relation to this goal?

How great is your concern?

Who else is affected by this issue?

What action have you taken so far?

What stopped you going further?

What resources (skill, time, money) do you need?

Where could you acquire them and by when?

TGROW 3Options: At this stage, the coach can start looking at the options the client has for reaching their goal.

Make sure the coachee includes all ideas, no matter how unlikely or wacky they may seem. It is about

thinking creatively and not in our usual patterns

How many different ways could you approach this?

List all of the alternatives and rule out nothing:

What solution seems best to you – why?

How will this give you the result that you seek?

.

TGROW 4

Will: (wrap-up) This stage of the model is about where the coachee moves from exploring possibilities

into deciding on actions. It is important here that it is the coachee who says what action they will take

and by what time, to ensure that the commitment is strong.

Will you agree to select one option?

When will you make it happen?

What is your level of commitment on a scale of 1 – 10?

If less than 10, what will it take to raise your level o commitment?

At the end of the session the coach should repeat the agreed action and the timescale

back to the coachee as confirmation that you understand their commitment.

Coaching triad activity - TGROW



Ask coachee to identify an issue

Use TGROW model to run a short coaching session

Agree a new possibility or action


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TOOL 14

Be-Do-Have Formula

What single thing would make the greatest difference to your life if you had it right now?

If you had it - what would you do?

What difference would that make to you?

When we are thinking from a disempowered position, when tend to fantasise about the thing or things that we believe would make a significant difference to our current circumstances and, by extension, a difference to who we think we are and how we experience life.

We place ourselves in the HAD - DO – BE Mode.

Be - Do - Have

HAD

DO

BE

Typical examples are:

If I had more money I would buy a bigger house with more space and then I would feel less hemmed inIf I earned more money, I would buy nicer clothes and feel more confident

If I had more time, I would exercise more and feel more healthyIf I had someone to go out with, I would get out more often, make new friends, watch less television, eat less snack food and have a more satisfying life

If I looked better, I would have more confidence in myself and be more out-going

If I had better luck, I’d be doing something else and feeling richer and more successful

Be - Do - Have

HAD

DO

BE

The emphasis of this tool is to establish what the coachee expects to feel once they have achieved their end goal and getting them to have that feeling NOW.

Be - Do - Have

WISH

If I had more money I would buy a bigger house with more space and then I would feel less hemmed in

BE-DO-HAVE CONVERTER CONVERSION

Ask coachee to choose: KEY STATEMENT/ PRIORITY ISSUE

What are the priority issues:

Have more money?

New House?

Feeling free and uncluttered?

Ask coachee to place in order of priority

1. FEELING FREE AND UNCLUTTERED2. HAVE MORE MONEY3. MOVE TO A NEW HOUSE

TAKE CLIENT’S TOP PRIORITY STATEMENT

FEELING FREE AND UNCLUTTERED

SET A TASK

What adjustment or modification could they make to their circumstances/ life/ relationships RIGHT NOW that can sustain the feeling of ‘free and uncluttered’

CONVERSION STATEMENT

Feeling free and uncluttered

VISUALISATION

GET CLIENT TO VISUALISE FEELING FREE AND UNCLUTTERED NOW. Use visualisation techniques so they can engage with the actual feelings of ‘free and uncluttered’

CONVERSION STATEMENT

‘I feel free and move in spaciousness”Get client to create some affirmations and new possibility statements around their visualisation

Coaching triad activity - be-do-have converter




Use Be-do-have converter tool to run a short

coaching session

See if you are able to get your coachee to feel

differently about their issue


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TOOL 15

Team Mapping

Team Mapping 1

Behind any endeavour great or small is usually a team of people who provide a part of the jigsaw to achieve the completed picture. We are all involved in many teams seeking to achieve a variety of aims and purposes everyday. Often these teams are over lapping. The point here is to understand that in order to achieve a certain outcome, we need to know:

1. Who is involved?2. What role they are playing and contribution they are making, and 3. Who has the greatest stake in seeing the desired outcome achieved?

The person/ people with the greatest stake in the outcome need to be providing the leadership and motivation to the others.

Team Mapping 2

Lets imagine a scenario

Your client has a housing benefit issue, which needs sorting out immediately as they risk being evicted.

Who has the greatest stake in the outcome?Who needs to be providing the leadership and motivation to achieve this outcome?Who else is on the team?What kind of leadership might they need?What kind of motivation might they need?What might de-motivate them?What might jeopardise leadership or alienate the team?

Team Mapping - 2

Who can provide constructive support?

Who can provide emotional support?

What constructive support do I need to give?

What emotional support do I need to

give?

What’s

At stake?

What’s the impact of my positivity/ negativity?

How will I feel if I don’t achieve this outcome?

What can I do next?

Who’s the Team

Leader?

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Coaching triad activity -Team Mapping




Use Team mapping tool to run a short

coaching session

See if you are able to get your coachee to be clear

who should lead and what needs to be done


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Coaching tips

Making stories

Coaching tips - Making stories - 1

We all have ‘stories’ about life, our experience, the world, other people,

colleagues at work etc. They are seldom ‘true’, except from our own

perspective. They are influenced by the information released to us by our RAS

And therefore biased, distortions of the truth to varying degrees.

The more we repeat them, the more they appear to be true.

We can also have a vested interest in maintaining them.

Coaching tips - Making stories 2

Reasons why we create stories:

To avoid getting into trouble (excuses for being late, etc) A

To get what we want (Of course I love you! Actually you’re just convenient for sex) B

To have a reason for not having to meet a challenge ( I’m not working: employment is just another word for exploitation. I’m scared) C

To avoid taking responsibility for one’s own life and implementing change (there’s no point doing anything, It’ll all go wrong, it always does) D

Coaching tips - Making stories 3

The personal issues these stories represent are:

Personal Power (giving your power away) A Personal Power (exerting it over/ manipulating others) B Fear based on rejection C and Fear based on focusing on negative past experiences D

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Coaching programme

Setting up your co-coaching relationship

The Co-coaching programme - a reminder

3 months total:

Initial 2 days coaching tools and methodologies training Co-coaching partnerships of pairs or triadsSetting own goals to raise levels of personal motivation, understand resistance to change and ways of moving forwardPracticing coaching tools & methodologiesTrainer support6 week period

Day 3 review co-coaching, tools and methodologies Learn some new tools and techniques Review own goals, strengthen co-coaching relationships

Continue co-coaching partnerships of pairs or triadsPracticing coaching tools & methodologiesTrainer support6 week period

Day 4 review co-coaching, tools and methodologiesLearn some new tools and techniquesCase studies/ apply tools

End of programme

You now have 10 -15 minutes to work on your own and select a minimum of three goals that you will pursue during the 3 month co-coaching programme

Make sure the goals are robust, worth doing,

challenging and that they will add value to your life by pursuing and accomplishing them

Later your co-coaching partner will discuss them with you and test them!

Selecting your goals

3-5goals

10 -15minutes

GiveValue

Goals:1. One goal to be short term - that

you can achieve within one week report back to your co-coaching partner and me by email

2. One goal to be Long term - either to be achieved by the end of the programme, or beyond.

3. One mid-term goal to be achieved by the next training session in 6 week’s time

You are free to choose more goals, but make sure you don’t try to take on too much

Selecting your goals

3-5goals

10 -15minutes

GiveValue

One co-coaching session each per week, 20-30 minutes each. Can be in person, or by phone If coaching by phone, coachee always makes the call Back to back calls - coachee calls, end session. Wait five minutes. Swap roles: New coachee calls back. Agree the date and time of your first session today Swap phone numbers and email addresses. Email your goals to your coaching before your first session

Review each other’s goals now ensure they are robust, worth doing, challenging and that they will add value to your coachee’s life by pursuing and accomplishing them.

Test them! You can use well-formed outcomes and TGROW for

this

Setting up your co-coaching relationship

Weekly

20 -30minutes

GiveValue

You must email me after your first session to inform me that it has taken place.

Include a list of your own goals and how you think the session went. Revise your ‘Letter from the future’. Make sure you post a copy to your

coaching partner and to me.

You can email me any time to answer any coaching questions you may have

If we agree it is necessary, we can discuss any issues further by phone I need everybody’s email address today Take a note of my email address now:

[email protected]

Visit the website www.stewartlanecoaching.com there is a forum for coaching questions and discussions - feel free

to raiseAny coaching related questions you may have

Keeping in contact with Stewart

WeeklyEmail update

Website

Support

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.stewartlanecoaching.com/

Feedback on the Day


Please complete anEvaluation form andReturn to me beforeLeaving. Thank you.

Coaching day2

Education

Transcript of Coaching day2