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Ideas for Leaders #240

Coaches, Mentors and the Risk of

‘Rescuer Syndrome’

Key Concept

Coaching and mentoring are increasingly seen as integral to effective

leadership development. Like all ‘therapeutic’ interventions, however, they

carry risks. Some executives are attracted to the mentoring role for

complicated personal reasons and may form ‘co-dependent’ relationships that

do more harm than good. Organizations need to take steps to protect mentors

and the people they’re trying to help from ‘rescuer syndrome’.

Idea Summary

As ambitious executives seek guidance, and senior executives realise the

importance of helping the people who work in their organizations reach their

full potential, the practice of leadership coaching and mentoring is becoming

mainstream.

Shared knowledge and experience can help people achieve their goals and

solve problems. Mentoring can add significant value to organizations,

improving everything from communication to technical know-how. It is not

without its risks, however. One of them is ‘rescuer syndrome’.

Some mentors will have complicated personal motives for wanting to help and

will be unable to differentiate between their own needs and those of the

people they are mentoring. This can foster an unhealthy and inappropriate

dependency relationship. While not an officially recognised disorder, rescuer

syndrome is a widely acknowledged phenomenon, and it can manifest itself in

a compulsive, almost addictive, need to help others.

Rescuers will feel unable to separate from those they are helping and will try

to prolong the mentoring relationship because it meets their own emotional

needs. They will find it very hard to accept that the ultimate goal of mentoring

is to make the mentor redundant and the ‘mentee’ more self-reliant.

The problem is usually compounded by lack of self-knowledge. Unlike

psychoanalysts, psychotherapists, counsellors and other clinical practitioners,

business mentors are not usually trained to prevent their own needs clouding

their relationships with ‘clients’. Rescuers may genuinely believe they are

acting in the interests of others and that their interventions are for the better.

As with most disorders, rescuer syndrome has a ‘spectrum’. Some people fall

into the role because of particular and/or temporary circumstances. In these

cases, there will usually be a crisis point, followed by a period of recovery,

during which the rescuer realises their mistake. For others, the problem is

more extreme, and manifests itself in repetitive and serial behaviour.

Authors

Kets de Vries, Manfred F. R.

Institutions

INSEAD

Source

INSEAD Knowledge

Idea conceived

October 2013

Idea posted

October 2013

DOI number

Subject

Emerging Leaders

Coaching

Executive Development

Mentoring

Psychology

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Unable to function in equal relationships, serial rescuers are constantly on the

look out for people who need to be helped and might make them feel better

about themselves. Their compulsion can do serious damage — to both others

and themselves. Serial rescuers may, for example, lose any sense of

‘boundaries’ and commit sexual transgressions. Or, martyrs to the mentoring

‘cause’, they may simply burn out. Exhausted from the continual effort of

having to meet other people’s expectations, they may lose sight of their

professional purpose and become tired or apathetic at work.

All this makes stopping or preventing rescuer syndrome essential for

organizations.

Business Application

Anyone who is struggling with personal or professional issues should remain

vigilant when their role includes helping or mentoring people and look out for

warning signs of rescuer behaviour. The following checklist provides a useful

reference:

Do you find it difficult to make time for yourself?

Do you find it hard to stop thinking about other people’s problems?

Do your colleagues and co-workers sometimes feel like family members?

Are you inclined to make decisions on behalf of someone who has asked for help?

Do you offer to help people who appear not to realise they have a problem?

Do you feel uncomfortable receiving help from other people?

The more often someone answers ‘yes’ to these questions, the higher the

risks of rescuer syndrome.

The challenge for organizations is helping people face up to and address the

problem of co-dependency. Once this initial hurdle has been crossed, there

will be several steps on the path to change.

Paradoxically, the helper will need to learn to be a bit more selfish and to put

their own needs first, rather than disguising them through rescuer behaviour.

They will also, if they are to continue in a mentoring role, need to learn to

think rationally, objectively and dispassionately so they can prevent their own

emotional health affecting those they aim to help.

Therapeutic support and peer interchange can be critical: mentors need to be

mentored; helpers helped.

Further Reading

Mentor or Martyr? Beware the Rescuer Trap. Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries. INSEAD

Knowledge (October 8, 2013).

Coach and Couch: The Psychology of Making Better Leaders. Manfred F. R. Kets de

Vries, Konstantin Korotov & Elizabeth Florent-Treacy. INSEAD Business Press (2007).

The Coaching Kaleidoscope: Insights from the Inside. Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries,

Laura Guillén & Konstantin Korotov. INSEAD Business Press (2010).

Tricky Coaching: Difficult Cases in Leadership Coaching. Konstantin Korotov, Manfred

Kets de Vries, Andreas Bernhardt & Elizabeth Florent-Treacy. INSEAD Business Press

(2011).

Further Relevant Resources

Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries’ profile at INSEAD

INSEAD Executive Education profile at IEDP

© Copyright IEDP Ideas for Leaders 2013

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