Clitheroe: A BaRKCRound Three: Rheingold

ny plans for the day, dear?” Ryan asked brightly. He set the delicious, flaky toaster pastry in front of me. The plate clinked pleasantly on the table.

I stuffed a fist in my mouth, trying to suppress a yawn.

“Well, not really,” I answered, yawn successfully banished. I took a bite out of the royal pop tart. It had a chocolate filling. Delicious. I swallowed and said, “The Lariels’ taxes are sorted out, I arranged for Dienda Renaisse’s entrance into the kingdom…”

“Excellent, another peasant,” King Ryan agreed pleasantly.

“…all that’s left is to eat some breakfast and go back to sleep. I’m exhausted.”

“Well, I’m heading to the Silver Bobbin to pick up a new outfit. The purple polo shirt is all royal and everything, but I don’t know…” Ryan trailed off.

“Have fun,” I said, fixing my eyes back down at breakfast. Idly, I considered whether I was hungry enough to grab a second helping after I finished this one.

Ryan cleared his throat. “Not interested in coming?”

I quickly swallowed the bite I’d just taken. “Oh, Ryan, I’m sorry. I’m just really, really tired. I’ve got to get some sleep.”

“Hm. Well, take care of yourself,” Ryan said. “Founding a kingdom is hard work. Even for a goddess.”

“Well, goddess or not, I’m glad you understand. I’m lucky to have you, no matter what Béor says.”

Ryan’s smile deepened. “Plus, this means I get to pick my outfit without convincing you it’s ‘worthy of a king,’ or whatever it is you keep saying.” He paused. “Who’s Béor? Another god? What’s he god of? Does he not like me or something?”

I shrugged.

And so he went on his own while I grabbed a few winks. Ryan tells me Imelda’s shop is fairly popular with the “townies,” though she looked awfully tired there that morning. Good for her, getting the Silver Bobbin slowly taking off. Although rank three isn’t terribly impressive.

Who am I to talk? The Royal Pokerhouse is only rank one!

Anyway, Ryan took his sweet time getting back. He and Connor Lariel are old friends from when they were townies, so he stopped to chat a little while.

And by the time Ryan did get back from the Bobbin, I was pretty obviously vindicated for being tired enough to make him go alone.

I was really hoping for a little crown princess right away. I kind of needed an heir to pass the throne on to when I go back to the Ether Glades, and I don’t really want to bloat this tiny kingdom with royal children trying to get that heir.

Ryan was pleased with the news, though not as ecstatically deliriously happy as he had every right to be. I was kind of put out by his simple reaction.

“Oh, that’s cool,” he’d said, taking my hand. He flashed a brilliant smile. “I’ve always wanted a kid.”

Put out though I was, I forgave him for the wonderful shoulder massage he gave me afterwards. The violent lightning storm going on outside at the time made it and the following home date we had all the more romantic.

Although I wish I could get him to wear his pants so they fully cover his boxers.

This is not elixir of life. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t see anything.

But should you pretend to see something like, I don’t know, a green vat of elixir in this picture, I’ll have you know that I’d become acutely aware of a little issue in timing. I had spent my first two rounds working in the Royal Pokerhouse, which meant I was now two rounds older than Ryan. I decided to fix that.

That is to say, as an immortal goddess living in a mortal frame for the time being, I have a longer life expectancy than normal. Yes. That’s it.

Now then. If I find out who knocked over our trash can, spilled our garbage all over the street, and attracted the roaches, so help me. I am going to torture their soul forever when I get back my godhood. I SWEAR IT.

Anger management is a good thing. Deep breaths now, Keika. Deep breaths.

My pregnancy progressed, and I felt positively huge. And no, I don’t think it had anything to do with those plates of grilled cheese behind me. Hmph.

When I finally went into labor, I was in the royal bedchamber. That’s the fourth floor of the palace, so’s you know. Ryan, on the other hand, was down on the first floor, working on that flower arranging badge we need for the Royal Pokerhouse.

He was therefore pretty well out of breath by the time he arrived, just in time to see the princess’s birth.

Or, at least, to stand on the other side of the screen and not see the princess’s birth. He could’ve taken one step around it…

This is my and Ryan’s daughter, the Crown Princess Anduera Rheingold of Clitheroe.

Precious, isn’t she? Just look at her! The sweetest thing that’s ever lived! Could there possibly be a more perfect child? I think not!

Ryan cooed and waved at Anduera—maybe I’ll call her Andi for short. She squealed and laughed at his exaggerated funny faces.

And she’ll probably be our only one. I’m not sure we need any more princes and princesses now that we have our heir. Isn’t that right, picture of baby Andi?

“Goo?”

That’s right! My girl is a genius!

Andi became the first little one of the royal Rheingold bloodline to sleep in the royal nursery. There’s a royal tapestry on the wall to remind her of her august lineage, and she sleeps in a crib with a royal canopy, just like her mommy’s. The canopy, I mean, not the crib.

Also, she has a royal charisma bunny. Although that thing gives me royal nightmares to look at it.

I told the town crier the news, and she went around to my two peasant households to spread the word of the royal baby’s birth.

However, the crier brought some interesting news back, which warranted an official state visit to one of my peasants. I’ll let her tell you about that one in her own record. It wasn’t a big deal, really… just a little something that needed my queenly attention.

Ryan, the poor sweet man, was a little distracted cooking breakfast that morning. This was very nearly a disaster; I was a couple floors down taking care of Andi, and Ryan was a little slow on the uptake with the fire extinguisher.

The way he tells it, though, he handled it like an ace, with nothing getting majorly scorched along the way. I’ll grant him, the countertops in the second kitchen are only a little blackened.

Andi grew like a weed, though, and soon it was time for her birthday. We decided to keep the princess’s birthday private for now, since she’s not yet of age, but that didn’t stop us from using the ballroom!

After all, why have a ballroom with no balls? Seriously!

Behold the tiny adorable face of the future Queen of Clitheroe.

We got started on walking, talking, and, um, potty-ing right away. Andi is, of course, a genius, and had no trouble with any of them. Don’t let my face in this picture make you think otherwise.

Although I will admit, she has a bit of a habit of getting distracted and just staring into space. Surely she’s thinking up complex mathematical formulas, not just daydreaming about butterflies. Yes, I’m sure that’s it!

Now that Anduera was finally a toddler, I was starting to have a little more free time on my hands. So, I left Ryan at home to take care of the little princess and went out to make a showing at the Royal Pokerhouse.

I’m getting pretty good at dazzling customers into the place. I remodeled to this glorious version of the Pokerhouse after I built up to about $450,000 and was too hungry to carry on.

Beat this with your little clothing store, Imelda Lariel.

Here, let me give you a quick tour. A short tour. The briefest of tours.

This is the back. You can see the hot tub is still here. We’ll see if it ever actually gets used again.

This is the entrance hall. It goes from the front of the building to the back, and has this lovely staircase offset to the side. Upstairs is the poker room, and downstairs in the nook I’m facing is the private party room. That’s not really all that important, but it’s a nice little room with a piano and a statue bust of me. No big deal.

Also, the rug. It’s not the actual royal shade of the color, of course, but I’ll let the guests feel important walking on a purple carpet. They’re paying enough for it.

And this is the poker room. Now with two tables!

Now that the Royal Pokerhouse is classed up a little bit, I decided it needed a classier name. I spent a long time thinking it over, and finally decided to go with Queensgold. It’s kind of an upscale lounge or club, I guess, so I decided on more of an abstract name.

Well, as abstract as directly referencing how much moolah I’m making off this place can be.

Ryan and I shared our accomplishments for the day over dinner. I talked about how Queensgold has a bathroom now, and Ryan regaled me with how he got Andi walking. It involved bribing her with solid food. Nicely done, husband mine.

In other news, I finally posed for my official portrait! I had it hung in the royal office, the first in what will surely be a long and illustrious line of portraits of powerful queens.

That done, I went downstairs and played with my little daughter, whose face is going to be hung up next to mine someday. Of course, I won’t be here in my mortal body to see it… well, now I’m just a little depressed.

Andi’s birthday came up again just at the very last minute in the round. We celebrated in private again, but she won’t be so lucky for her next birthday, when we invite all the eligible young men in the kingdom to attend her birthday ball. I’m already preparing the invitations!

Speaking of which, is this how quickly mortals usually age? I swear she was only born yesterday. What happened? Have I missed something?

I took Andi out to the Silver Bobbin for her new outfit and haircut, which I personally styled in the mirror for her. She looks cute as a button. Though I may be ever so slightly biased.

Interestingly, Dienda Renaisse, my newest peasant, was out at the Bobbin at the same time we were! I had her introduced to Andi—it’s always good to know your subjects after all, especially in such a small kingdom as this.

Plus, I happen to know Dienda now has a little son. There might be matchmaking possibilities there… if the Renaisses had titles…

Yep, in conclusion, everything went pretty much amazingly this week. I have a princess to pass the crown to, I upgraded the Royal Pokerhouse to Queensgold, I had my portrait taken care of, and the royal treasury is back to over $300,000 instead of the pitiful $7,000 it started the round with. You know, this whole “being mortal” thing isn’t as difficult and painful as I thought it would be.

Happily,

End of the royal Rheingold record of Round Three.

“Bored now.”

“Sheesh, what am I even doing here? Nothing ever changes. I don’t belong here. Dangit Keika, why’d you leave me here alone!?”

“She has a vanity project to watch over.”

“Ahem, hem. Take me to your leader!”