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In Child Welfare,We Believe Moms Matter

http://promising.futureswithoutviolence.org/

childrensteam@futureswithoutviolence.org

• Use the We Believe Moms Matter card as an 

engagement and educational tool with mothers 

involved with the child protection system.

• Describe elements of safe and effective practice for 

CPS cases involving intimate partner violence.

• Value active collaboration between CPS staff and providers of services related to intimate partner 

violence. 

Objectives

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What are our goals in Child Welfare?

• Keep children safe 

• Facilitate building of protective capacities so families can keep children safe at home and 

insure their well‐being

Vicarious Trauma

Vicarious trauma is a 

change in one’s thinking 

[world view] due to 

exposure to other 

people’s traumatic 

stories.       

(Dr. David Berceli, 2005)

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Common Reactions to Working with Survivors of Trauma

• Fear

• Sleep disruptions

• Depressive symptoms

• Feeling ineffective or hopeless

• Recurrent thoughts of threatening situations

• Reacting negatively to clients

• Thinking of quitting

• Chronic suspicion or judgment of others

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There can also be strengths that come from working with clients who have experienced trauma • witnessing others overcome adversity

• recognizing people’s capacity to heal

• reaffirming the value of the work you do

• gift of hope

Vicarious Resilience

Vicarious resilience can buffer the effects of stress associated with vicarious trauma, strengthen our motivation, and give us new, meaningful perspectives.

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• In ourselves

• In our organizations

• With families

• Paradigm shift from "what is wrong" to "where do we want to go"

Develop capacity for resilience 

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Domestic Violence

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Domestic violence includes a variety of tactics:

• Physical and sexual violence

• Threats and intimidation

• Emotional abuse

• Economic coercion

• Substance use and mental health coercion

• Use of children

• Undermining parenting

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Prevalence of Domestic Violence

(Black et al, 2011)

1 in 4 (25%) U.S. women report 

having experienced 

physical and/or sexual 

violence by a partner.

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• 1 in 15 children/youth exposed to physical IPV between 

parents (or a parent and the parent’s partner) 

• Same rate of exposure to  psychological/emotional IPV

• 90% of those exposed to physical IPV saw the violence

• 31% of children who witnessed physical IPV reported 

being physically abused themselves ‐‐ findings for 

psychological abuse were similarHamby, Finkelhor, Turner, & Ormrod, R. (2010, 2011)

Children’s exposure to IPV

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Potential impact of exposure 

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Emotional

• Guilt about not stopping abuse

• Grief for family & personal losses

• Conflicting feelings

Cognitive

• Blame others• Think it is okay to use violence

• Develop rigid stereotypes about gender roles

Behavioral

• Act out or withdraw• Truant• Excessively seek attention• Self abuse

Social

• Isolation• Problems with peer relationships

Physical

• Somatic complaints• Regression

Risk and protective factors

Risk factors

• Severity, frequency and proximity 

to the violence

• Age, and developmental stage at 

which exposure began

• Multiple forms of violence

• How child understands the 

violence

Protective factors

• Consistent, caring relationships with 

safe adults 

• Opportunities for healing and 

success

• Social emotional competence

• Community assets, concrete 

resources and supports

• Racial and ethnic pride

• Skilled interventionists

Resilience can be supported by decreasing risk factors and by supporting/promoting protective factors. 

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Why does a mother

stay in a relationship 

when DV has occurred?

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• Mothers’ past and recent traumatic 

experiences increase risk of the 

following parenting problems with 

their own children• Child neglect

• History of CPS reports

• Physical punishment

• Social support and taking care of one’s own needs are protective 

factors that reduce likelihood of 

these outcomes

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(Banyard et al, 2003)

Most Consistent Protective Factor for Children Exposed to Domestic Violence

Children’s emotional recovery 

from exposure to DV depends 

more on the quality of their 

relationship with the non‐

abusive parent than any other 

single factor.

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(Bancroft & Silverman, 2002)

Help mothers build resiliency –their own and their children’s

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Some mothers who face 

severe stress may 

compensate for violent 

events by offering 

increased nurturing and 

protection of their 

children.

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(Levendosky et al, 2003)

• Many moms may not recognize 

how early trauma can affect their 

parenting and how they react to 

stressful situations.

• Increasing  moms’ awareness 

about the effects of trauma can 

help them to understand their 

own lives, make healthier choices, 

and help prevent 

intergenerational trauma.

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Polling question

• How confident are you that you have the ability to directly and positively influence a mother’s parenting, and/or view of herself as a parent?

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Improving Child Welfare: Universal Education with Mothersabout Childhood Trauma and Domestic Violence

• Assumes mom may have had trauma during 

childhood and/or has experienced DV and will 

benefit from knowledge, tools, and support

• Talking with all moms about your concern for 

them can help bridge a better relationship 

with you

• Empowers staff and helps with conversations 

about how best to support mom relative to 

potential barriers to being the mom she 

wants to be

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• Never provide education about/or screen for domestic violence in front of a partner, a friend or family member

• Never use a family member to interpret domestic violence education or screening tools

• Never leave domestic violence information around or in a packet of materials without first finding out if it is safe to do so

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SAFETY First

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• Use the card ONLY on regular visits 

when you have privacy with mom, and 

she seems able to engage

• Think of it as a bridge to reflection and 

understanding of current 

circumstances . . .

• And a bridge to finding help and 

resources to feel strong ‐‐ and to help 

her parenting

• Messaging of hope for a better future

When to Do Universal Education

This is NOT for use during an active crisis! 

You might be the first person to help her see the constellation of what affects her life and her kids’ lives

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Message: “We care about your children, and we care about YOU”

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What difference might it make to say these things to a mom, with compassion?

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You might be the first person to ever to give her information about domestic violence . . .

. . . or to help her see that substance abuse might be the way she learned how to cope

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(Trauma‐informed work) might involve offering access to trauma treatment or other healing modalities, (but) at heart, trauma‐informed practice is about creating environments and relationships that offer an atmosphere of safety, connection, and hope.

Carole Warshaw, MDDirector, National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health 

You can help mothers understand the impact violence has on children

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“Getting control over your feelingsis the best thing for both moms and kids”

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“Even little things can make a difference to your children”

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“Demonstrating resilience increases parents’ 

self efficacy—that is, their belief that they can 

perform a task competently and effectively—

because they are able to see evidence of their 

ability to face challenges, to make wise choices 

about addressing challenges, and feel more in 

control of what happens to them.”

(Raikes & Thompson, 2005)

“You can get the help and support you need and deserve”

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Universal education is a 

complement to direct screening 

for DV, substance abuse or 

childhood exposure to abuse.

It doesn’t require disclosure for 

her to get help and access next 

steps!

1) Normalize activity ‐ "I've started giving thesecards to all moms —because we know there is stuff that can get in the way of you being the mom you want to be.”

1) Make the connection ‐ Create a sense of empowerment: “We really think you deserve support and help just like your child does—and a lot of times folks forget to think about how much you matter too. ”

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3) Open the card and do a quick review –

“This card talks about everything from parenting strategies to ways being hurt by a partner or hurt during your childhood can affect your health and parenting. In (about half) of my caseload the mom is being hurt by her partner and we know if we can help support mom it’s one of the best ways to support her child…"

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4) Pay it forward – “Even if this doesn’t apply to 

you, you might know someone who could 

benefit from this information. You could pass it 

along to a friend, a family member, a neighbor 

or a co‐worker. It might be really helpful.”

5) Make warm referrals‐ “On the back are great 

resources, the DV hotline and also the 

ChildHelp line, which is a 24/7 anonymous 

hotline with helpful, non‐judgmental people 

taking the calls. It’s a resource for  parents if you 

are ever feeling overwhelmed by what is 

happening with your child and want to talk or 

get ideas about strategies.”

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Consider Following Up with a Direct Question

“Are any of these things 

you need help with today 

or anything you would 

like to talk more about?”

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• What do you need to be able to begin using a 

“universal education” approach in your work?

• From yourself?

• From your supervisor or manager?

• From your organization?

• From your partners? 

Tell us your thoughts using the chat box . . .

If Domestic 

Violence is 

Identified or 

Suspected

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When a mom discloses domestic violence, say: “I am so sorry to hear that’s happening to you.”

“I want to help. What would be most helpful to you right now?”

Have a conversation, listen to understand

• Avoid jumping into “professional assessment” mode and 

stay present in the conversation

• Seek understanding of her perspective, her worries for her children, and what she would/might have to give up to 

achieve personal physical safety

• Ask questions to find resilience and problem‐solving

• Explore her support system, and the children’s 

relationship to her partner

• Engage her in safety planning for herself and her children (hypothetical if no disclosure)

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Helpful Kinds of Questions to Ask

• Who has helped you the most? How did they help?

• Who would your kids say has helped THEM the most?

• What have you tried to keep yourself and your kids 

safe? What else have you thought about trying?

• With everything that’s happening, where do you find 

the strength to (get out of bed, get your kids to 

school)?

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Helpful Things to Say/Questions to Ask

• In what ways does drinking or using drugs make your 

partner’s behavior/violence easier to bear? In what ways 

does it made your life harder?

• Safety planning with your children can help them feel 

less scared, and they’ll know what to do and what NOT 

to do. Have you talked to your kids about what to do if 

your partner becomes really angry or violent? 

• How do you think your partner will respond to us being involved? We know CPS involvement can make things 

worse if we aren’t careful. 

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Help mothers see their own strength, and imagine a better future

• Tell me about a time you felt stronger, stayed 

clean/sober? What was different then? How were 

YOU different?

• What do you feel proudest of as a parent? 

• Five years from now, if someone asked your 

children to describe their mom, what would you 

hope they would say? How can we help you get 

there?

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Safety Planning

“I want to think with you about what you can do to keep yourself and your kids safe. 

• Who could you call that would help you? (if no one, “Have you ever thought about telling someone? What do you think it would be like to talk to them?”)

• Where could you and the kids go if you need to leave quickly?

• Do your kids know how to call grandma, or 911? Where could they go in the house/neighborhood if they feel scared? 

• Who could call you every day to check in? How could you let them know if you needed help?”

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Provide a ‘Warm’ Referral

• “If you are comfortable with this idea I would 

like to call my colleague at (the local DV 

agency). She is an expert in safety planning 

and talking through options that are available, 

and can tell you about supports for you and 

your children from her agency.”

The Role of the Domestic Violence Agencies and Advocates• So much more than just shelter services

• They provide training and community supports

• Beyond safety planning, advocates can help clients connect to additional services like: 

• Housing

• Legal advocacy

• Support groups/counseling

• Children’s programs

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Surprisingly, many women . . .  did not know about local or national resources from which they could get help. They said the only people they were likely to tell about a violent relationship were their friends or family members, who were not always supportive.                         

Lessons Learned From Home Visitation

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(Health e‐bulletin, 2014)

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Child welfare workers do not have to be experts to recognize and help clients experiencing domestic violence.

• You have a unique opportunity for education, early identification and intervention.

• And to partner with DV agencies to support the non‐abusive parent, andyour work.

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• “I’m going to need to talk to your partner, but I don’t need 

to tell him/her what you or the kids have said. I’ll tell you 

when we’re meeting, and check in with you after the 

meeting. Help me think about what I can ask about, and 

what I need to avoid.”

• “On a scale from 1 – 10, where 1 is “I can’t do this” and 10 

is “I have everything I need to make this safety plan work”, 

where are you now? What else do you need to move (up 

one number)? What could I do to help?”

• “When can we talk again privately? Would you like a friend 

to be there to support you?”

Before leaving the home

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Good Supervision:

• Is safe, non‐judgmental, and supports staff growth and self awareness

• Provides positive regard and caring

• Is regular and reliable

• Uses a strength‐based approach

• Provides space for reflection

A Trauma‐Informed Workplace is Essential

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Stress Management Tool: Relaxation Response

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(Benson H, 2000)

Focusing on your breathing (mindful breathing) helps to calm your brain → Relaxa on Response

• Creates state of deep rest/relaxation

• Increases brain activity in areas associated with attention focus and  

decision‐making

• Releases chemical messengers in 

brain that are calming and give sense 

of well‐being

• Three good things about a                                      co‐worker

• Three good things about your most recent child/parent interaction

• Three good things about                                          yourself

• One positive thing you can do this week to take care of yourself

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Building Resiliency With Co‐Workers

(Adapted from Linda Graham, 2013)

Name It and Write It Down:

• www.fosteringresilience.com (resources for building resiliency in children and teens)

• http://www.nctsn.org/resources/topics/secondary‐traumatic‐stress (lots of resources on secondary trauma)

• https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/secondary‐traumatic‐stress‐workshop/ (webinar recording)

• https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/trauma‐informed‐approaches‐to‐domestic‐violence‐exposure‐adverse‐childhood‐experiences‐and‐resiliency/ (webinar recording)

• http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/pfa_for_schools_appendix_c_self_care_checklist.pdf(self care checklist)

• http://traumastewardship.com/ (resources on vicarious trauma and burnout)

• http://www.acesconnection.com/ (connect with people using trauma‐informed/resilience‐building practices.)

• https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/ (FUTURES website with lots of resources on violence) https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/health/setting/ (other setting specific cards and tools)

• http://www.ncjfcj.org/ (NCJFCJ website with lots of resources on overlap issues)

• http://www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org/ (The National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health website with lots of resources on DV and mental health)

• http://www.thegreenbook.info/ (Greenbook Initiative site)

• http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ (Mindfulness and self care resources)

Additional resources

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Getting Help with Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline1-800-799-7233

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline1-866-331-9474

National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN)1-800-656-4673

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/fysb/resource/help‐fv

Free and confidential help is available for victims of domestic violence 24 hours a day 

FVPSA’s National and Special Issue Resource Centers

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National Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence (HRCDV) – www.futureswithoutviolence.orgResource Center on Domestic Violence, Child Protection

and Custody (RCDVCC) – www.ncjfcj.org/dept/fvdNational Resource Center on Domestic Violence

(NRCDV) – www.nrcdv.org and www.vawnet.orgBattered Women’s Justice Project: Criminal and Civil

Justice Center (BWJP) – www.bwjp.orgNational Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and

Mental Health (NCDVTMH) -www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org

FVPSA’s Culturally Specific Special Issue Resource Centers

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National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center –www.niwrc.orgAsian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic

Violence (APIIDV) – www.apiahf.org/apidvinstituteInstitute on Domestic Violence in the African

American Community (IDVACC) – www.idvaac.orgNational Latina Network for Healthy Families and

Communities - Casa de Esperanza www.casadeesperanza.org

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http://promising.futureswithoutviolence.org/

childrensteam@futureswithoutviolence.org

Thank you

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This was supported by Grant #90EV0414 from theAdministration on Children, Youth and Families,Family and Youth Services Bureau, U.S. Departmentof Health and Human Services.