Charlottetown Rural High School CRHS “Reader’s Digress” December 1983

8/10/2019 Charlottetown Rural High School CRHS Readers Digress December 1983

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DAVID PALMER

CATHY MACISSAC

KAREN ROSE

MARTIN FQBE3 CkidnappedJ

DANNY MULLEN

DAVID PALMER

KAREN ROSE

CATHY MAC ISAAC

JAMES LAI

SUSAN ARBING

. T A M M Y B O L G E R %

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" 4LL CHARACTERS AND SITUATIONS ARE CREATED 5Y OUR WRIlERS, AND

~ ' ' TVtng , OR OTHERWISE IS PROBABLY, PARTIALL*

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IS U N D E R 3 TANDIN G 0 R EM B A R R A S S M E N T

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h e a r t w a r m i n g r a m i n i s c e n s a . . .

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. n t h a b l a c k m a r k e t o p e r a t o r t o N e w Z e a l a n d . " . , , . . ,

S u d d e n l y , I b e g a n t o c h u c k l e . T h e n m y c h u c k l e t u r n e d t o l a u g h t e r ,

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O u r s c e n e o p e n s w i t h s c i e n c e t e a c h e r W e n d y 1 1 C h u r c h p r e p a r i n g t o e a t h i s l u n c h

As he opens h is "JOCKEY SMURF" lunchbox , the s ta f f room door swung open and in

g g e r e d a n o t h e r s c i e n c e t e a c h e r S p i k e Z i t z h a r o l d . A s W e n d y l l w a t c h e d i h e

S p i k e s t r o d e u p t o W e n d y l l , a n d s a i d a l o u d , " T h a t ' s m y t a b l e . "

W e n d y l l f e l t a l i t t l e d i z z y . " G e e , S p i k e , i t ' s j u s t a t a b l e t h e r e

fi g h t a b o u t . "

" T h a t ' s r i g h t , " s a i d S p i k e k i c k i n g W e n d y l l ' s l u n c h a c r o s s t h a r o o m

s t , y a t w e r p , b e f o r e I r i p o u t t h o s e s i d e b u r n s . "

A s t h i s w a s g o i n g o n , t h e o t h e r t e a c h e r s w e r e g o i n g o n a b o u t t h e i r

"Bonjour , Madame McWade," said M. Jambon-Homme.

M r s . M c W a d e l o o k e d a t h i m f o r a m o m e n t a n d t h e n s a i d s o r t o f s m i l i n g

s h f u l l y , " M y F r e n c h i s a l i t t l e r u s t y . . . "

Mons ieu r Jambon-H omme w en t back t o r ead ing h i s Jughead com ic .

M r s . M c W a d e t r i e d t o m a k e c o n v e r s a t i o n , " Y o u l i k e J u g h e a d ? "

" O u i , m a i s j ' a i m e M a r m a d u k e a u s s i , " h e s a i d w i t n a s m i l e .

"What?" asked Mrs , McWade, bu t M. Jambon-Homme had a l ready g iven up

O u r s c e n e s w i t c h e s t o t h e m a i n o f fi c e w h e r e a v e r y b a t t e r e d - 1 o o k i n g

fi c e f o r a c o m p l a i n t .

" M r . D o n n o l l y , s i r , I m u s t o n c e a g a i n r a i s e t h e i s s u e o f s t u d e n t - f a c u l t y

l a t i o n s . I n t h e p a r k i n g l o t , j u s t a f e w m o n t h ' s a g o , a s t u d e n t t r i e d t o r u n

t h e h a l l o u t s i d e t h e l i b r a r y w e r e p l a y i n g t h e i r

s t r o y i n g t h e s a n c t i t y o f t h e l i b r a r y . B u t w h e n I

y . . . t h e y t h r e a t e n e d t o . . . "

" W h a t d i d t h e y t h r e a t e n ? " s a i d M r . D o n n o l l y , fi g h t i n g b a c k a c h u c k l e .

" T h e y s a i d t h a t t h e y ' d s t u f f m e d o w n t h e b o o k d r o p . " s a i d M r . P h y l l i s s o b b i n g .

M r , D o n n o l l y s t o o d u p . " M r . P h y l l i s , t h i s s o r t o f b e h a v i o r i s u n a c c e p t a b l e I

n t y o u t o c u t i t o u t o n c e a n d f o r a l l N o w o u t "

" B u t ) s i r i d o n ' t y o u . . . "

" O U T "

W e n o w s w i t c h t o t h e s c e n e o f a s e c r e t m e e t i n g b e t w e e n M r s . M i l l i e C a n t o n a n d

m y s t e r i o u s , e l d e r l y g e n t l e m a n .

" O h , I d o n ' t t h i n k B r u c e w a s a l l t h a t n a u g t y , " s a i d M r s . C a n t o n .

" O k a y , M i l l i e , I g u e s s t h a t c o m p l e t e s t h i s y e a r ' s l i s t f o r C h u c k w o o d , "

" O k i e d o k e . S e e y a n e x t y e a r , O l d N i c k , " s a i d M r s . C a n t o n . " S a y h i t o R u d y a n d

" H o , H o , H o " h e e x l a i m e d a s h e d r o v e o u t o f s i g h t .

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t h e m o n e y t o t a k e F r e n c h l e s s o n s ?

o mme cor rec t h is wa lk?

jus t i ce?

l e t h i m a t t e n d t h e s t a f f m e e t i n g s ?

his influence to keep his son Spar ky on the h o c k e y team

t b a c k i n t h e h o m e f o r t h e c h r o n i c a l l y m e r r y ? ? ?

t some new jokes???

C.R.H.S. STAFFROOM.


5/11

T H E C - T E A M : O P E R A T I O N S I M P O S S I B L E I N C . ? B Y : S i E R L I N G S I L V E R .

- L i f e n e v e r t r e a t e d m e f a i r l y . T h e n a g a i n , n o b o a y s a i d i t h a d t o . A s I r e c a l l

my f r i ends R oger W i l coe and R us t y S t ee le phoned and asked me i f I w an t ed t o go

t o t h e a r c a d e n e a r H o l m a n ' s . A s i t w a s t h e s t a r t o f a b o r i n g w e e k e n d , I a g r e e d

T h a t w a s m y fi r s t m i s t a k e .

A f t e r h i t c h h i k i n g ( 1 * 1 1 n e v e r t r u s t b l o n d e d r i v e r s a g a i n ) , I e n t e r e d t h e

a r c a d e . R u s t y w a s p l a y i n g O e f e n d e r , v a p o r i z i n g l a n d e r s w h i l e R o g e r p l a c i d l y

c o u n t e d t h e d o t s o n t h e s c r e e n .

W e h a d a s h o r t , i d i o t i c c o n v e r s a t i o n o n t h e l a c k o f m a n y u p - t o - d a t e v i d e o

g a m e s . A s I c u t i t s h o r t * r u s t y l o s t h i s l a s t s h i p , s c r e a m e d , a n d s t a r t e d t o

c r y , " I ' l l n e v e r g e t a h u n d r e d t h o u s a n d " A t l e a t h e c o n t r o l l e d h i s t e m p e r .

T o r e d u c e h i s s t r a i n , R o g e r a n d I d e c i d e d t o w a l k R u s t y a r o u n d t h e b l o c k a f e

t i m e s . J u s t a s w e g o t o u t o f t h e C o n f e d e r a t i o n C o u r t M a l l , I h e a r d a g r a t i n g

v o i c e c a l l , " H o l d i t r i g h t t h e r e , M r . S i l v e r " I t w a s O o r e e n D o r a n ,

e x - g i r l f r i e n d , b u t t h a t ' s a n o t h e r s t o r y .

"Wha t now ?" I asked . Tha t w as my second m is t ake o f t he day .

" S t e r l y , " ( a r g h ) D o r e e n p l e a d e d a n n o y i n g l y , " w h a t w o u l d y o u s a y i f I t o l d y o

t h a t y o u c o u l d g o t o T o r o n t o f o r t h e w e e k e n d ? A l o n g w i t h y o u r f r i e n d s . H m m ? "

W i l c o e a n d S t e e l e v o l u n t e e r e d m y a n s w e r . A s I w a s o u t v o t e d , I g a v e i n .

" T h e n g e t i n t h e c a r W e ' v e g o t a p l a n e t o c a t c h "

" D o r e e n , w h a t c a r ? " y e a h , I h a d t o a s k .

" T h e b l u e o n e i n f r o n t o f y o u , S p a z " ( n o t h a n k s , W . )

Y e a h , t h a t ' s w h y w e b r o k e u p . U h - h u h . S o m u c h f o r a n o t h e r s t o r y .

S h e c l i m b e d i n t o t h e b l u e P o r s c h e 9 4 4 . A s I o p e n e d t h e d o o r , m y " f r i e n d s "

l e a p e d f r o m t h e b a c k s e a t . I g o t u p f r o m t h e s i d e w a l k . Y u p , t h e y n e w .

A g u i l t y s i l e n c e h u n g i n t h e a i r a s s h e fl o o r e d i t t o t h e a i r p o r t . I t h e n

r e a l i z e d I h a d n o l u g g a g e . I t w a s g o i n g t o b e o n e o f t h o s e d a y s . G r e a t .

W e fl e w a 7 2 7 t o H a l i f a x o n o u r w a y t o T o r o n t o . W h i l e fl y i n g , I b e c a m e s i c k

a f t e r e a t i n g a h a l f f r o z e n ( a l i v e ? ) t h i n g t h e a i r l i n e c a l l e d a m e a l .

W h e n w e a r r i v e d a t H a l i f a x , I w a s s u r e n o t h i n g . m o r e c o u l d g o w r o n g . W e w e r e

t a k e n h o s t a g e b y s o m e g r o u p o f a r m e d p a c i fi s t s a s w e g o t o f f t h e p l a n e . T h e y

b l i n d f o l d e d u s a n d d r o v e u s o f f i n a v a n o f . s o m e k i n d . ( A l l i e d ? )

W h e n o u r b l i n d f o l d s w e r e r e m o v e d , w e w e r e i n a l o g c a b i n . T h e s n e e r i n g

p a c i fi f s t s l o c k e d u s i n a n d d r o v e o f f . P a c i fi s t s . D i d I r e a l l y s a y t h a t ? D o r e e

w a s s o s h o c k e d s h e c o u l d b a r e l y h o l d t h e . 3 5 7 M a g n u m p i s t o l s h e t o o k f r o m h e r

p u r s e a n d s h o t t h e d o o r ' s l o c k . M y e a r s r a n g . I f o u n d a c l o s e t a r s e n a l ) R o g g e

a n a s s a u l t r i fl e , ' R u s t y a . 3 0 c a l i b e r M L c a r b i n e . M e ? I f o u n d a . 4 5 D e t o n i c s

S c o r e m a s t e r p i s t o l . I f e l t s o o u t g u n n e d w h a n D o r e e n p u l l e d o u t a . 3 0 8 G a 1 i 1 A R M

a s s a u l t r i fl e .

S h e k i c k e d o p e n t h e d o o r . O u t s i d e w a s a m a n , a n o t h e r b l u e p r s c h e b e h i n d h i m .

H e i n t r o d u c e d h i m s e l f a s J a m e s B l o n d . D o r e e n t o l d h i m t o m i n d t h e c a b i n a n d

o r d e r e d t h e r e s t o f u s i n t h e c a r .

" A t l a s t , t h e C - T E A M i s o n e a g a i n " s h e d e c l a r e d .

"C -T E A M ? " I w as in sho ck .

" Y e a h , r e m e m b e r C - C h a n n e l ? Y e a h , w e l l w e ' r e t h e C a n a d i a n v e r s i o n o f t h e

A-TEAM."

" G r e a t . I f I ' d k n o w n , I w o u l d h a v e d r e s s e d f o r t h e o c c a s i o n . "

" V e r y f u n n y . A n y w a y , w e ' v e g o t o u r s e l v e s a m i s s i o n . "

I s e n s e d t h e u l t i m a t e s e t u p .

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT MONTH...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

IN THE NEWS...

Y e s s i r A r a f a t , l e a d e r o f t h e P a l a s t i n e L i b e r a t i o n O r g a t r i z a t i o n , i s q u o t e d a s

s a y i n g t o a h i g h r a n k i n g o f fi c i a l . . .

" G o d d - - n i t , y o u s h o u l d h a v e t h o u g h t o f t h a t b e f o r e t h e e v a c u a t i o n . "

T h e P o p e t u r n i n g t o w a r d s h i s m u s i c a l i n t e r e s t s , h a s r e l e a s e d a n e w 1 2 - i n c h

s i n g l e . T h e s e c o n d s i d e i s t h a t t r a d i t i o n a l C h r i s t m a s f a v o u r i t e , " I ' l l B e i n

R o m e f o r C h r i s t m a s " . T h e fi r s t s i d e i s t h e P o p e ' s r e n d i t i o n o f a B u d d y H o l l e y

c l a s s i c i n w h i c h h e t h e P o p e s t a t e s h i s o p i n i o n o n b i r t h c o n t r o l a n d a b o r t i o n :

" M a y b e B a b y . " - A M U S T F O R Y O U R C H R I S T M A S C O L L E C T I O N .


6/11

A f t e r l a s t m o n t h ' s o p i n i o n a t e d c o l u m n , " H I S W O R D - T R O U B L E " , w e , r e p r e s e n t i n g

l g i r l s , h a v e d e c i d e d t o g i v e t h e g u y s a l o o k a t t h e m s e l v e s t h r o u g h o u r e y e

T h e m o s t c o m m o n t y p e o f m a l e , w i t h o u t a d o u b t , i s t h e J O C K w i t h o u t b r a i n s .

e s e g u y s s p e n d m o s t o f t h e i r t i m e t h i n k i n g a b o u t s p o r t s a n d v e r y l i t t l e t i m

i n k i n g a b o u t s c h o o l . T o t h e m s c h o o l i s j u s t a n o t h e r p l a c e t o b e r e c o g n i z e d

e i r a t h l e t i c fi e l d .

O f c o . u r s e , t h e r e i s t h e R A R E e x c e p t i o n o f t h e J O C K W I T H B R A I N S T h i s g r o u

g u y s s t i l l p l a y s p o r t s , b u t a n y o t h e r t i m e n o t s p e n t o n t h e p l a y i n g a r e a i

d i c a t e d t o b o o k s , h o w e v e r , t h i s i s e x t r e m e l y r a r e a n d o n e s h o u l d n ' t e x p e c t

B o t h g r o u p s h a v e a t l e a s t o n e t h i n g i n c o m m o n b e s i d e s s p o r t s . T h a t s t r y i n g

r e s s g i r l s w i t h t h e i r a t h l e t i c p r o w e s s a n d u s i n g s u c h l i n e s a s , " W h a t c h a '

a t t h e t i m e . A n d t h a t ' s j u s t o n e e x a m p l e

T h e n e x t v a r i e t y o f t h e m a l e h o m o s a p i e n s p e c i e s i s t h e M A C H O C L A D I E ' S 2 M A N

t h o u t a c a r o r h i s l i c e n s e , a n d t h a t ' s n o t b e c a u s e h e l o s t i t . ( I t ' s b e c a u s

e d i d n ' t g e t i t y e t ) H e ' s a r e a l h o o f e r . H e ' d h a v e t o b e c r a z y t o a s k a g i r

t , b e c a u s e , a f t e r a l l , w h o w a n t s t h e i r p a r e n t s t o c h a p e r o n e y o u r fi r s t d a t e

A s f o r t h e M A C H O M A N w i t h a c a r , a l l h e w a n t s t o d o i s d r i v e a r o u n d a n d s h o w

m s e l f o f f t o e v & r y g i r l t h a t w a l k s b y . E v e n i f h e d o e s h a v e h i s o w n g i r l f r i e

t h e f r o n t 3 2 a t s i t t i n g n e x t t o h i m

T h e S U P E R S P A Z i s t h e t y p e o f g u y w h o i s s o n i c e t o y o u i t d r i v e s y o u u p t h e

l l H e ' s a b o u t a v e r a g e h e i g h t a n d k i n d o f s k i n n y . H e ' s t h e t y p e o f g u y y o u r

t h e r w a n t s y o u t o m a r r y e x c e p t y o u ' d r a t h e r m a r r y a d e a d f r o g fi r s t . ( I t w o

mor e exc i t ing )

C o m m o n l y f o u n d i n l i b r a r i e s , w e a r i n g a 3 - p i e c e s u i t a n d t i e , i s t h e B O O K W O R M

t r i e s t o l o o k s o s o p h i s t i c a t e d i t ' s f u n n y . H e t h i n k s h e k n o w s e v e r y t h i n g ,

n ' t e v e n s t o p r e a d i n g l o n g e n o u g h t o v e n t u r e a n o p i n i o n , H e r a r e l y t a l 1 < s t o

o p l e , e s p e c i a l l y g i r l s . Y o u ' d n e v e r fi n d h i m a t a d a n c e o r g a t h e r i n g o n a

i d a y n i g h t . H e ' d r a t h e r b e w a t c h i n g d o c u m e n t a r i e s o r r e a d i n g a b o o k , t h e n b

u g h t a l o n e w i t h a g i r l .

L a s t , b u t c e r t a i n l y n o t l e a s t , i s t h e S T U D H e w e a r s a b l a c k l e a t h e r j a c k e t

d n e v e r h a s a h a i r o u t o f p l a c e . H i s j e a n s a l w a y s h a v e a s p e c i a l l a b e l l i k e

n s i d e r s a g i r l l u c k y i f h e a s k s h e r o u t . H e c a n o n l y a s k t h e p r e t t i e s t , m o s

p u l a r g i r l s a n d h a s t o d r i v e a b i g , fl a s h y , f a s t c a r . A l l t h i s t o m a k e h i m

o k i n c r e d i b l y d e s i r a b l e . B u t c o m e o n , w h o ' s h e f o o l i n g ? N o o n e , l e a s t o f a l

e g i r l s W e c a n s e e r i g h t t h r o u g h h i s p h o n y a c t . W e h o p e h e ' l l g r o w u p

e d a y i n t h e f u t u r e .

T h e r e m a y b e v a r i a t i o n s t o t h e s e b a s i c t y p e s , b u t w e ' r e s u r e e v e y g u y , e x c e

e r e a l l y , t r u l y n i c e g u y s ( w h o a r e v e r y v e r y v e r y r a r e a r o u n d h e r e ) c a n fi n

s o w n c a t e g o r y . O f c o u r s e , n o w t h a t w e h a v e m e n t i o n e d t h e t r u l y n i c e g u y s ,

NICE GUYS ARE LIKE DIAMONDS

PRECIOUS AND RARE J

OTHERS ARE LIKE LEAVES

SCATTERRED EVERYWHERE.

T h a t s a m e q u o t e a l s o s u m s u p o u r c o l u m n f o r t h i s i s s u e . A n d r e m e m b e r g i r l s ,

h o w a n t s t o b e e q u a l ? W e ' r e a l r e a d y s u p e r i o r "


7/11

HIS WORD - TROUBLE.

L a s t i s s u e I n o t e d t h e t y p i c a l l a c k o f f e m a l e p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n a n y t h i n g . W e l l

d u e t o m y s k i l l f u l a b i l i t y t o g e t p e o p l e t o i n t e r a c t w i t h o n e a n o t h e r , I

r e c i e v e d a 6 0 % v o t e f a v o u r i n g m y o p i n i o n s ( f r o m g i r l s ) , 2 g i r l s t h r e a t e n i n g t o

w r i t e 3 - p a g e l e t t e r s ( o v e r r e a c t i o n , o b v i o u s l y , s i n c e o u r p a p e r i s o n l y a b o u t 1

p a g e s l o n g ) , a n d o n e g i r l w i l l i n g t o w r i t e H E R W O R D - T R O U B L E , t h a t m a k e s t h r e e

g i r l s o u t o f 4 4 0 + a t o u r s c h o o l . T h i s m e a n s t h a t t h e r e a r e m o r e c l o s e t f e m i n i s t

t h a n I t h o u g h t I w a s w o r r i e d a b o u t a f e m a l e c o n s p i r a c y , b u t s i n c e g i r l s c a n ' t

e v e n o r g a n i z e t h e i r p u r s e s , I h a v e n o t h i n g t o w o r r y a b o u t . T R E M B L E

W h a t a s o r r y b u n c h o f h o m e - e c o n o m i c s fl u n k i e s B y t h e w a y , o n e s h o u l d n o t i c e

t h a t e l s e w h e r e i n t h i s p a p e r i s a f e m a l e v e r s i o n o f T R O U B L E , d o n e b y a r e a l

g i r l B e i n g a g i r l , u n o r i g i n a l a n d u n c r e a t i v e , s h e w i l l p r o b a b l y u s e M Y p r e v i o u

c o l u m n a s a b a s i s f o r h e r o w n u n i m a g i n a t i v e t a n g e n t s t h r o u g h t h a t w a s t e l a n d o f

w o r d s g i r l s u s e .

O n t o n e w b u s i n e s s , I w u 1 d l i k e t o p o i n t o u t t h a t C h r i s t m a s i s j u s t a r o u n d t h

c o r n e r i n c a s e y o u h a v e n ' t n o t i c e d . I w i l l t r y t o h e l p y o u , t h e u n a s s u m i n g a n d

b r o k e g u y , h e l p p i c k o u t t h e g i f t f o r H E R , t h e l i t t l e w o m a n . T o s t a r t , d o n ' t g e

a n y t h i n g t h a t r e q u i r e s b a t t e r i e s . M o s t g i r l s c a n ' t f o l l o w t h e l i t t l e p i c t u r e s

s h o w i n g w h i c h w a y t h e b a t t e r i e s g o i n t o t h e b a t t e r y c o m p a r t m e n t A h a i r d r y e r i

a g o o d i d e a , b u t s h e ' d p r o b a b l y t r y t o u s e i t i n t h e s h o w e r . G a m e s a r e n o t

r ecomended ; she ' l l t ake a w eek w onder ing how t o p lug in a TR I V I A L P U R S U I T box

C l o t h i n g i a b i g d r a w e v e r y y e a r , i s a g o o d c h o i c e . J u s t m a k e s u r e y o u g e t h e r

m e a s u r e m e n t s d i s c r e e t l y ' . S h e ' l l p r o b a b l y t h i n k t h a t y o u r a s k i n g h e r w a i s t e s i z e

i s a n e w w a y t o s t a r t s o m e t h i n g . S H U D D E R A l o n g t h e l i n e o f c l o t h e s , y o u c o u l d

c h o o s e a y e l l o w , r e d , o r b l u e d r e s s , h i g h c u t , m e d i u m h e m a n d p u f f e d s l e e v e s ,

a l o n g w i t h a l a c y f r o n t i n a m a t c h i n g c o l o u r . B e a u t y e h ? I t e m s s u c h a s b l a c k

l a c e , l e a t h e r s k i r t s , n e t s t o c k i n g s , a n a l o w c u t s h o r t s h o r t d r e s s e s , a r e n o t a

g o o d i d e a n o m a t t e r w h a t y o u t h i n k

Records are a good idea: CULTURE CLUB, DAVID BOWIE, RICK SPRINGFIELD,

21 TOP, THE POLICE, JACKSON BROWNE, AND LIONEL RICHIE are best bets. Jewelry is

n o t t o b e e m p h a s i s e d t o o m u c h , a s s h e c a n a t t a i n b a t t e r s a t i s f a c t i o n b y b e i n g

a b l e t o s h o p a r o u n d . G i f t c e r t i fi c a t e s a r e g r e a t f o r t h a t A n y w a y , g e t h e r

s o m e t h i n g t o s h u t h e r u p f o r a n o t h e r y e a r . D o n ' t g o o v e r a h u n d r e d i f y o u d o n ' t

k n o w h e r l a s t n a m e , a n d b e s u r e y o u g e t i t g i f t w r a p p e d . D o n ' t b e i n t i m i d a t e d

w h e n y o u g o i n t o a w o m a n ' s c l o t h i n g s t o r e . R e m e m b e r : Y o u a r e t h e m a l a . T h a t

s a l e s g i r l h a s t o w a i t o n y o u T e l l h e r y o u r p r i c e r a n g e , t h e g i r l f r i e n d ' s s i z e

a n d h e r p r e f e r e n c e o f c o l o u r s a n d d r e s s w a r e .

G o l e t t h e f e m a l e T R O U B L E c a t c h u p t o m e , I w i l l w r i t e a b o u t r e l a t i o n s h i p s ,

s o c i a l i z i n g , a n d t h e r e s t n e x t i s s u e o f R E A D E R ' S D I G R E S S .

M e r r y ( A n n e ) C h r i s t m a s A n d i f y o u w a n t t o t a l k t o m e , d r o p o f f a l i n e a t t h e

o f fi c e . A n d a h a p p y N e w Y e a r .

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

BETS YOU CAN'T LOSE.

1 ) A s k s o m e o n e t o s t a n d w i t h h i s l e f t f o o t a n d s n o u l d e r t o u c h i n g a w a l l , n o w

b e t t h a t h e c a n ' t k e e p h i s r i g h t f o o t r a i s e d w h i l e s t a n d i n g t h a t w a y .

2 ) B e t t h a t y o u c a n d r o p a n e g g s i x f e e t t h r o u g h t h e a i r o v e r a h a r d s u r f a c e

w i t h o u t b r e a k i n g t h e e g g .

3 ) P l a c e 8 p e n n i e s i n t h e s h a p e o f t h e l e t t e r " L , " fi v e f o r m i n g t h e v e r t i c a l

l e g a n d t h r e e m o r e t h e h o r i z o n t a l l e g . B e t t h a t b y m o v i n g o n l y o n e p e n n y , y o u

c a n p l a c e fi v e p e n n i e s i n e a c h l e g .

4 ) T w o m o t h e r s a n d t w o d a u g h t e r s w o n t h e d a i l y d o u b l e a t t h e t r a c k . B e t t h a t

w h e n t h e y d i v v i e d u p t h e i r w i n n i n g s - $ 2 1 0 0 - t h e y e a c h h a d $ 7 0 0 .

5 ) 3 e t y o u r a d v e r s a r y t h a t h e c a n ' t t a k e o f f h i s s h o e s a n d s o c k s b y h i m s e l f .

6 ) B e t t h a t y o u c a n p i c k u p 3 m t c h e s w i t h a f o u r t h o n e - a l l a t t h e s a m e t i m e .

7 ) P l a c e a d o l l a r b i l l a c r o s t h e t o p o f 2 g l a s s e s a t l e a s t 3 i n c h e s a p a r t . B e

t h a t y o u c a n p u t a 5 0 - c a n t p i e c e i n t h e m i d d l e o f t h e b i l l w i h o u t i t f a l l i n g .

Answers in the November issue o f the READER'S DIGRESS.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


8/11

MUSIC REVIEWS - "ONE" BY THE GROUP OF ThE SAME NAME.

O n e i s t n e c o l l e c t i v e n a m e f o r a n u m b e r o f n i g h l y t a l e n t e d i n d i v i d u a l s w n o

l i v e a n d r e c o r d i n J a p a n . T h e q u i n t e t c o n s i s t s o f :

N a t a s h a R o m o m o v - v o c a l s , d u c i m e r , l y r e , h a r p - d a u g h t e r o f S o v i e t d e f e c t o r s

w h o t h r o u g h a m y s t e r i o u s c h a i n o f e v e n t s , m e t A m b e r i n T o k y o .

R o b r t B r u c e - v o c a l s , v i o l i n , b a g p i p e s , k e y b o a r d s - s o n o f a S c o t i s h f o l k

m u s i c i a n a t t e n d e d O x f o r d o n a s c o l a r s h i p , l e f t a f t e r t h e fi r s t y e a r .

J o h n G a r n u m - v o c a l s , g u i t a r s , l u t e , b a s s - c l a s i c a l g u i t a r i s t , s t u d i e d u n d e r

A n d u s S e r g o n i c . M e t R o b e r t i n L o n o n ( a f t e r R o b e r t ' s y e a r a t O x f o r d . )

S o n - d r u m s , p e r c u s s i o n , f r o m S o u t h A f r i c a , m e t R o b e r t a n d J o h n t h r o u g h m u t u a l

f r i e n d s i n L o n d o n .

A m b e r C h e n - v o c a l s , k a b u k a , fl u t e s , f r o m To k y o , r e c i e v e d t r a d i t i o n a l J a p e n e s e

a s w e l l a s W e s t e r n m u s i c t r a i n i n g a t t h e J a p e n e s e M u s i c I n s t i t u t e .

T h e i r fi r s t a l b u m , a c o m b i n a t i o n o f t h e b e s t t h r e e w o r l d s , i s a n a q i r e d t a s t e

G r e a t l y u p l i f t i n g y e t s t r o n g l y d i t u r b i n g , i t s h i f t s f r o m G r e e k O r t h o d o x ,

G r e g o r i a n , t o S o u t h A f r i c a n t r i b a l c h a n t s f r o m t h e s w e l l o f a w e s t e r n o r c h a s t r a

t o t h e c r i s p c l e a r t o n e s o f A m b e r ' s fl u t e . T h e l y r i c s r a n g e f r o m J a p e n e s e H a i k u

t o G a l i c B a l l a d s .

T h e i r m u s i c i s a c e l e b r a t i o n o f h u m a n i t y , p e r h a p s t h e fi r s t m u s i c i a n s o f a

g l o b a l c u l t u r e .

"THE HURTING" BY TEARS FOR FEARS.

T h i s E n g l i s h g r o u p , l i k e m a n y n e w w a v e b a n d s , r e l i e s a l m o s t c o m p l e t e l y o n

s y n t h e s i z e r s . T h e a l b u m c o v e r i s a p h o t o g r a p h o f t h e 2 v o c a l i s t s , o t h e r

m u s i c i a n s a r e c r e d i t e d , b u t i f t h e y a r e m e m b e r s o f T E A R S F O R F E A R S o r s t u d i o

m u s i c i a n s i s u n c l e a r .

T h e 2 v o c a l i s t s a r e : R o l a n d O z a b a l w h o w r o t e a l l t h e s o n g s o n t h e a l b u m , a n d

C u r t ( I c a n ' t r e m e m b e r h i s l a s t n a m e ) .

I p r e f e r C a r t ' s v o i c e , a l t h o u g h R o l a n d s v o i c e w o r k s w e l l i n s o m e c u t s .

T h a s o u n d o n t h e a l b u m i s v e r y c l e a n , a l t h o u g h t h e v o c a l s c o u l d b e a l i t t l e

m o r e d e fi n e d o n c e r t a i n t r a c k s .

M u s i c a l l y t h e a l b u m i s q u i t e i n t e r e s t i n g . I e s p e c i a l l y l i k e t h e u s e o f

xy lophone on "CHANGE".

T h e s y n t h e s i z e r s a n d d r u m * m a c h i n e s w o r k w e l l w i t h g u i t a r , s a x , a n d v a r i o u s

o t h e r a c o u s t i c i n s t r u m e n t s t o p r o d u c e a v a r i e t y o f t e x t u r e s a n d m o o d s f r o m t h e

h y p n o t i c s p i n o f " C H A N G E " .

T h e r e c o r d s a t m o s p h e r e i s g e n e r a l l y d e p r e s s i n g . T h e m u s i c , a n d p o e t i c l y r i c s

c o n t r i b u t e t o a g r e a t f e e l i n g o f p a i n , l o s s , a n d l o n g i n g . I t d o e s h o w e v e r o f f e r

h o p e , i t i s n o t a c o m p l e t e l y p e s s i m i s t i c r e c o r d . Y o u c a n " C H A N G E " .

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A WORD 0* TWO FROM SOMEONE.

S u b s c r i b e t o R E A D E R ' S O I G R E S S a n d y o u w i l l n o l i n g e r h a v e t o w o r r y a b o u t y o u r

e y e s g o i n g f u n n y a s y o u t r y t o s n e a k a r e a d i n s o m e d i m l y l i t c l a s s r o o m a l o n g

w i t h s o m e t e a c h e r i n s h o r t p a n t s w h o i s c h e c k i n g o u t t h e g i r l i e b o o k s , a n d

h o p i n g h i s w i f e d o e s n ' t c a t c h h i m u n t i l t h e p r i n c i p a l s w e a r s a t b o t h o f y o u i n

G r e e k a n d b o o t s y o u o u t t h e d o o r .

Y e s , y o u r e y e s 3 r e v e r y i m p o r t a n t t o y o u . W i t h o u t t h e m , y o u r c o n t a c t l e n s e s

w o u l d f a l l i n t o y o u r b r a i n a n d g e t l o s t . P r o t e c t t h e m b y s u b s c r i b i n g t o R E A D E R '

D I G R E S S . Y o u ' l l g e t v i s i o n a r y a r t i c l e s , f a r s e e i n g r e p o r t s , a n d s h a r p e y e d n e w s

( p l u s a n o t h e r a d l i k e t h i s ) f o r j u s t 2 5 c e n t s , o r t w o f o r fi f t y fi v e c e n t s .

L i f t i m e s u b s c r i p t i o n r a t e s a v a i l a b l e o n r e q u e s t ( p l e a s e i n c u d e i n t e d e d d a t e f o r

t t e r m i n a t i o n o f y o u r l i f e t i m e ) . P r i n t e d i n h i g h v i s i b i l i t y t y p e ( i t ' s b l a c k , a

o e o s e d t o w h i t e , s o a s t o s t a n d o u t f r o m t h e p a p e r ) , R E A D E R ' S D I G R E S S i s a t r e t

f o r t h e e y e s .

R emember , f ou r ou t o f five eyedoc t o r s w ho have read t he R E A D E R 'S O I GR E S

h a v e n o t g o n e b l i n d .

BY: THE AARDVARK EYECHART AND TWEA3ER COMPANY.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


9/11

GOSSIP COLUMN

HOCKEY REPORT

Our i l lus t r ious s tudents ' counc i l

has done it again. They've come up

with an interesting way to show the

ones you l ike or dislike just how

you feel. The candycane campaign

has"been a real success. These little

pieces of Christmas cheer contained

messages that ranged from "I want

you" to "The next time I run into

you, I hope to be driving a truck"

Rumor has it that a certain "ten

hands" (We won't mention any names.)

received a medium-sized candy cane

from his buddies who know him so

well. John Reddin received several,

apparently from himself. A cute

cuddly teddy bear received a few

candy canes from someone who'd like

to get to know him better. Too bad

he's already spoken for. Our VP,

Mr. C, found one in his box from a

disgruntled student wondering what

happend to his math.

Our cheerleading team certainly

took advantage of the opportunity

to show our hockey team just how

much they care. One of our defence-

men (B.T.) and a forward (W.M.,who

happens to be a leading "scorer")

each received a small candy cane

from the captain wi th love. The

whole squad got together to send

one to another forward (L.K.).

Why should they bother to buy one

each when one message can speak for

them all.

But who's kidding who? We all

know the real reason the candy canes

were such a hit. Most of the guys

saw this as an opportunity to

embarrass their fr iends. However,

in the end, all was fair in love

war. For every cut-up a person

sent, he/she also received one in

return. Hope to do it again next

year.

HERE IS YOUR FREE 1934

CALANDER...

This year's edit ion of the

CRHS hockey team has a lot of

fl a v o r .

John Doucette and Stevie

Gallant are doing most of the

scoring, both on the ice and

on bus tr ips. Also adding

scoring points for the Redmen

are Jeff (Casper) MacEachern,

Larry (Cookie) Keoughan, Wayne

(Slapshot) Murnaghan, and

Steven (Cluie) Cleroux.

Speaking of flavor, the team

has five trainors this season.

Besides Carl and Gary, there's

Pat (Alpine) Trainor, Brad

(SwabMe) Trainor, and Blair

(Teddy Bear) Trainor.

For all the 4-H fans, there's

big Malcolm MacBeth from Marsh-

fie ld . Malco lm scored four o f

the team's five goals in the.

last Redmen home game. That

game ended in a 4-way tie, with

Kensington managing to score

two goals in the last five

minutes.

However, since the start of

the season, the team has certainl

come a long way. Though we still

retain the tendency to choke in

the last few minutes, the hockey

team has got the coaching talent

to win the league.

P.S. Watch out for those guys

at a party -

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

MESSAGE...

I wo-uld l ike to wish a very

Merry Christmas to all the staff

and students of the school.

Jane Ward, school secretary,

guidance office.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

m "2:

33

* 2 8

tACtfOMO

" I

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"28S

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~


10/11

f amous , and ea rn humungus

A d d s o m e f r i l l s s u c h a s

E)

ROME

F) MOSCOWG) ATHENS

H) TOKYO

AND NOT) YELLOWKNIFE

d ) t h e n i n e t e e n t w e n t i e s

e ) Wor ld War I I

f ) present

fl a t ,

v i o l e t .

THE HEARTLEQUINE ROMANCE.

I f y o u w i s h t o w r i t e a r o m a n c e n o v e l , b e r e a l l y

a m o u n t s o f m o n e y , t h e n f o l l o w t h i s s i m p l e f o r m a t ,

s e n t e n c e s a n d w e g u a r e n t e e y o u r s u c c e s s .

-FORMAT-

- l o c a t i o n - c i r c l e o n e

A) PARIS

B) PEKING

C) NEW YORK

D) LONDON '

BUT NOT) HICKSVILLE, N.Y.

- t i m e - c i r c l e o n e

a ) t h e s e v e n t e e n h u n d r e d s

b ) t h e e i g h t h u n d r e d s

c) Wor ld War I

- f a m a l e l e a d -

p h y s i c a l h a i r : b l a c k , b l o n d e , o r r e d .

P h y s i q u e : s m a l l a n p e t i t , a t h l e t i c ,

v o l u m p t u o u s , o r d e ' l i c a t e

n o t e : n e w e r - s h o r t , f a t ? t a l l a n d s k i n n y ? o r

e y e s - s k y b l u e , g r e e n , d e e p b r o w n ,

- p e r s o n a l i t y - b o l d a n d a m b i t i o u s , o u t g o i n g a n d a g r e s s i v e

t h o u g h t f u l a n d s e n s i t i v e n e v e r d u l l a n d b o r i n g ,

- o c c u p a t i o n -

a ) m o d e l d ) q u e e n

b ) f a s h i o n d e s i g n e r e ) p r i n c e s s

c ) a r c h a e o l o g i s t / a n t h r o p o l o g i s t .

n o t e : n e v e r s c r u b w o m e n , B u r g e r T h i n g w o r k e r , o r m o t h e r ,

- m a l e l e a d -

p h y s i c a l : h a i r b l a c k o r b l o n d e n e v e r a p l a i n b r o w n ,

p h y s i q u e m u s c u l e r , r u g g e d o r ,

m a s c u l i n e y e t g r a c e f u l ,

n e v e r s h o r t , f a t ; t a l l , s k i n n y ; p o t b e l l i e d ;

e y e s b l u e o r b r o w n

p e r s o n a l i t y b o l d a n d a g r e s s i v e , d r e a m e r ,

s e n s i t i v e y e t s t i l l " m a s c u l i n e " ,

" w i m p " , a " l o s e r " , o r a " j e r k " ,

a r c h a e o l o g i s t / a n t h r o p o 1 o g i s t -

king/pr i nee

s o l d i e r

p a i n t e r / s c u I p t o r

P l a y b o y .

j a n i t o r , s e r v i c e s t a t i o n a t t e n d e n t ,

n o t e

n o t e : n e v e r a

- o c c u p a t i o n -

o r w e a k c h i n n e d .

n o t e : n e v e r

- c o n f 1 i c t -

a ) o ther woman,

b ) t h e a b o v e f o r

-reso1ut i on-

a ) h a p p y e n d i n g

b ) h a p p y e n d i n g

k n i g h t

p o e t / n o v e l i s t

mus ic ian

f a r m e r , e t c .

o r o t h e r m a n , o r b o t h

a l l t h e c h a r a c t e r s c ) w a r ( m i n o r p r o b l e m )

c ) h a p p y e n d i n g

d ) a l l o f t h e a b o v e .

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A f t e r e m p l o y i n g a l l t h e a b o v e a n d t h e n w r i t i n g t h e b o o k C a b o u t o n e w e e k t o p s 3

p i c k a n e a t t i t l e l i k e :

a ) P a s s i o n i n P a r i s c ) F i r e a n d F u r y

b ) F o r b i d d e n L o v e d ) L o v e i n t h e R h i n e

e ) a n y s i m i l a r l y r i d i c u l o u s l y c o r n y t t l e .

P i c k a t y p i c a l n o m d e p l u m e C p e n n a m e ] a n d a fl a s h y c o v e r , t r a v e l t h e t a l k

s h o w c i r c u i t , a n d e n j o y t h e m o n e y .

N e x t i s s u e : T h e t y p i c a l P l a y b o y / P e n t h o u s e l e t t e r f o r m a t .

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


11/11

RADIO SHACK- /E'VE GOT THE

BiG SAVINGS & THE BEST OF

SOUND INVESTMENTS

Micro

Coi-ouil

COMPUTER

DIVISION. "ANDY ELECTRONICS LIMITED

Charlottetown Rural High School CRHS “Reader’s Digress” December 1983

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Transcript of Charlottetown Rural High School CRHS “Reader’s Digress” December 1983