Chapter Outline

• Developing a Smooth Flow of

Communication

• Communication Skills Men and Women: Do

They Speak the Same Language?

• Communication and Family Conflict

• Family Life in the Information Age

Communication

• Communication is the sending and receiving

of messages, intentional and unintentional,

verbal and nonverbal.

• Communication is basic to every human

relationship.

Factors Related to Communication:

• Trusting and confiding in one another

• Trying new ways to deal with problems

• Working together to solve problems

• Expressing caring and affection for each

other daily

Factors Related to Communication:

• At least one family member talking to his/her parents regularly

• Sharing feelings and concerns with close friends

• Parents spending time with teenagers for private talks

• Checking in and out with each other

Good communication

Helps minimize hostilities

Conflict management is essential to all intimate relationships

A person whose lack of communication skills finally leads to the demise of their marriage will soon find that any new relationship is also in trouble

Communication failure

When communication is not accomplishing what it is suppose to.

People seek pleasure and avoid pain

It is important to try to avoid negative thoughts and communicate in a positive manner

The Foundation Blocks of Successful Communication

§ Commitment: The partners must be committed to make their relationship healthy and strong.

§ Couples often seek marriage counseling to late and so much pain and suffering have occurred that the commitment is destroyed

§ Principal of least interest

The Foundation Blocks of Successful Communication

§ Growth orientation: The partners must accept the fact that their relationship will always be dynamic and changing, rather than static.

The Foundation Blocks of Successful Communication

§ Noncoercive atmosphere: The partners must feel free to be themselves, to be open, and to be honest.

This cannot exist in a one-sided, totalitarian relationship

3 types of marriages?

Laissez-faire: both partners have total freedom of choice and action

Democratic: shared responsibility and authority

Autocratic: both have responsibilities but authority is assigned to a single leader

Communication Skills

• Communication Motivation: A felt need to communicate

• Communication Skill: The ability to accomplish one’s communication goals

• Communication Behavior: Verbal and nonverbal actions that a person takes to accomplish his/ her goals

Identifying Problem Ownership

Clarifying responsibility, or problem ownership, is an

important first step in problem-solving communication.

Self-assertion

Self-assertion is the process of recognizing and expressing one’s

feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of the

feelings and needs of others.

You-, I-, and We-Statements

You statements are least effective in problem solving situations.

Tend to create distance between people by placing blame on the other

Create and maintain an adversarial “I versus you or them” relationship

You-, I-, and We-Statements

I statements locate the feelings or concerns inside the person who is making the statement, rather than placing the problem on the other partner Less apt to provoke resistance

The other person however has been made aware that he/she is the cause of the other persons discontent

You-, I-, and We-Statements

We statements place the problem in the group or relationship rather than on one of the individuals in the relationship

Center the problem in both persons or in the group, places responsibility on both people

Empathic Listening

Empathy means not only understanding what the speaker is saying, but also responding to

and feeling the speaker’s nonverbal communications and

emotions.

Empathic Listening

Focus on the person who is talking

Nonjudgmental and accepting

Lets the speaker know that the listener hears and cares

Listen fully not selectively

Nonverbal Communication

If we are to be good listeners, part of our attention needs to be

directed to the nonverbal communications of the speaker,

often referred to as body language.

Nonverbal communication

Emotions are reflected throughout the body Hand gestures Eye contact/avoidance of

Very descriptive of a persons feelings Bodily expressions Facial expressions Personal space

Negotiating

In negotiation, the partners alternate between self-assertion

and empathic listening.

How women and men communicate

Page 140, lets go over this

Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies

• Denial: when one partner does not acknowledge the problem.

• Disqualification: when the person intends to cover an emotion and deny that a real conflict exists.

Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies

• Displacement: the person places emotional reactions somewhere other than the real conflict source.

• Disengagement: family members avoid conflict simply by avoiding one another.

Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies

• Pseudomutuality: Family members appear to be perfectly happy and delighted with each other. In this style of anger, no hint of discord is ever allowed to spoil the image of perfection.

5 negative types of couple interaction

1. Contempt- indicating one partner is inferior or undesirable

2. Criticism- making disapproving judgments about one’s partner

3. Defensiveness- not listening, but defending oneself against attack

4. stonewalling- refusing to listen to a partners complaints

5. Belligerence- being provocative challenging a partner’s power and authority

Anger

Mild anger episodes can strengthen relationships in some cases

Constructive anger can alert a person to a problem in the relationship (i.u,we statements)

Repressing anger over a long period of time can lead to emotional detachment and indifference

Topics of Conflict

Handling money, dividing household tasks, relative relationships, jobs,

social activities, alcohol use, moodiness, handling anger, and

children all appear to be possible areas of conflict for many couples.

1. The ability to accomplish one’s communication

goals is

a) Communication Behavior

b) Communication Motivation

c) Communication Skill

d) Commitment

Answer: c

• The ability to accomplish one’s communication goals is called communication skill.

2. According to the text, this is basic to every human relationship.

a) Commitment

b) Growth

c) Trust

d) Communication

Answer: d

• Communication is basic to every human relationship.

3. The process of recognizing and expressing one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of the feelings and needs of

others is

a) Commitment

b) Self-assertion

c) Communication

d) Problem Ownership

3. The process of recognizing and expressing one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of the feelings and needs of

others is

a) Commitment

b) Self-assertion

c) Communication

d) Problem Ownership