Chapter 5: Strategies for Creating Success in College and in Life

Employing Interdependence

Choices of Successful Students Employing Interdependence

•Develop mutually supportive relationships •Create a support network•Strengthen relationships with active listening

Stages of Dependence

Dependent

• “I can’t achieve my goals by myself.”

• Some people who are dependent can’t help what they can and can’t do. They have to rely on someone else for their needs.

• Others who are “dependent” can be considered selfish and are more likely to avoid responsibility and blame people for their problems. They may even demand or manipulate others into doing things they don’t want to do themselves.

Codependent

• “I have to help other people get their goals before I can pursue my own goals.”

• Similar to dependent people, codependent people may also rely on others to provide for them.

• For the most part, codependent people will usually put others’ needs ahead of their own in order to avoid any conflicts that may arise.

Stages of Dependence

Independent

• “By working hard, I can get some of what I want all by myself.”

• Independent people are self-reliant and self-empowered. At this stage, people who are independent begin building purpose, direction, and trust for themselves.

• The feel powerful knowing they can provide for and rely on themselves.

Interdependent

• “I know I can get some of what I want by working alone, but I’ll accomplish more and have more fun if I give and receive help.”

• People who have reached the stage of interdependence have learned that even though they have the ability to do things on their own, they know that doing those tasks with others makes completing them easier.

• People who are interdependent have unlimited access to more love, success, and happiness.

Developing mutually supportive relationships• Successful students recognize that

life is richer when giving to and receiving from others.

• Having people on your side, supporting you along the way can make accomplishing your success a little easier and a lot more fun.

Creating a support network• Successful students use an interactive team

approach to gain their success.• Students can successfully create and

sustain an effective support network by building relationships with people who want what’s best for you and who may even have similar interests as you.

• By building those relationships, students can achieve their greatest dreams in college and in life.

Strengthen relationships with active listening• Students have stronger relationships

when they learn to show concern for the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

You can be a successful active listener when you:• Listen to understand• Clear your mind and remain silent• Ask the person to expand or clarify• Reflect the other person’s thoughts

and feelings

Successful students and communicationSuccessful students learn how to communicate in a style that:• Strengthens relationships• Create better results in life• Builds strong self-esteem

Ineffective ways of communicating

Placating

• Placating is when you give into someone else’s desires to keep them from being angry at you.

• Desperately trying to win someone over at your own expense

This is ineffective because while you’re trying to keep things from getting hostile in the slightest bit, you’re putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. This can eventually lead to you not having enough time to take care of yourself.

Blaming

• If you’re always placing the blame on someone else, you’ll never learn from your own mistakes.

• You can’t expect to get anywhere in the world if you’re always pointing the finger or if you have a negative attitude.

Blaming others for your problems causes people to drift away from you. Negative people only attract other negative people. You can’t expect to be successful in communicating this way.

Leveling• Leveling is an effective way of communicating

because it’s one way to show that you’re interdependent.

• “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”

3 Strategies that promote leveling:

Communicate purposefully

• Have a clear goal for your communication. By having a purpose for communicating to another person, you’ll accurately get your point across.

Communicate honestly

• Express unpopular thoughts and upsets. Communicating through honesty can help build and strengthen relationships.

Communicate responsibly

• Be accountable by using “I” messages. It’s important to take responsibility for your actions and any outcome those actions may have.

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