Chapter 4 Interpersonal communication skills By Lec.Hadeel Qasaimeh.
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Transcript of Chapter 4 Interpersonal communication skills By Lec.Hadeel Qasaimeh.
Positive workplace relations
People do not express themselves clearly
because:
• Relate to message structure
• Sending the most appreciate message for
the situation and relation.
Four specific qualities will improve workplace relations:
1. Clarity (verbal and nonverbal)
2. Respect (communicate mutual respect, show
feeling and care of the other)
3. Assertiveness (saying nothing, we must act
assertively)
4. Flexibility (cope with criticism)
Positive workplace relations
• Use specific and tentative language .
• Give direct, honest and appropriate messages.
• Criticism can be handled by analyzing,
acknowledging , assertion or inquiry
Positive workplace relations
Conflicts implies disagreement, discord, and
friction among members of a group.
interaction where words, emotions, and actions
"strike together" to produce disruptive effects.
Conflict types
• Poor performance of an employee is seldom the cause of conflict
• The five leading causes of conflicts are:
1.Misunderstanding
2.Disrespect
3.Egos
4.Impatience
5.Fear and insecurity
Conflict types
There are main types of conflict:
•Interpersonal Conflict
•Intrapersonal Conflict
•Intergroup Conflict.
Conflict types
Define interpersonal conflict types:
1. Pseudo conflicts
2. Fact conflicts
3. Ego conflicts
4. Value conflicts
5. Need conflicts
Conflict types
• Pseudo-Conflict (not real):- This type of
conflict happens when people have
misunderstandings with each other.
• Can result from two causes:
1. Faulty assumptions
2. False dilemmas
Conflict types
1. Faulty assumptions:
You and your partner agree to clean the office on Friday
afternoon, at that time you see your partner leave
the building, what's your reaction?
Conflict types
1. False dilemmas (see only two solutions of the
problems):
Your boss asked you to attend training course,
while you have full schedule of duties, what
to do?
Conflict types
• Fact Conflict:-
occur when individual disagree about
information that could be verified.
for example how many miles per gallon the
hybrid cars are getting ?
Conflict types
• Ego Conflict:-
results when we argue over who has the “right”
facts.
For example: I think that I know more than my
friends about basketball
Conflict types
• Needs conflict:
Occur when needs of one individual are at the odds with
the needs of others.
- When I need a tool to end my job and you do so.
- When I need time to complete my report and you
need my help
Conflict types
In general There is five styles people use in conflict situations:
1.Avoiders
2.Friendly helpers
3.Tough battlers
4.Compromisers
5.Problem solvers
Conflict styles
1. Avoiders:
- Some people simply hate difficult conversations and
will do anything to avoid facing the issue.
- They may lack the time, confidence, energy or skills
to engage in conflict.
- Leaving situation, changing the subject, disagree
without discussion.
Conflict styles
2. Friendly helpers:
– They “give in” to keep the peace
– This style is most appropriate when the
conflict is not that important
– In the other hand repeated accommodation
may result in resentment and failure
Conflict styles
3. Tough battlers:
– They expect to get their needs met regardless
of the costs
– They needs come first and sometimes with
no regard for the needs of others
Conflict styles
3. Tough battlers:
– They employ persuasion with emotional
appeals, forceful deliveries and persistence to
get their needs
– They are impatience with others who do not
see things their way
Conflict styles
4. compromisers:
– They give up to reach the solution
– They usually employ maneuvering,
negotiating and trading in an attempt to find a
solution.
Conflict styles
5. Problem solvers:
– They believe that both parties can and will
get their needs met
– If we understand eacho ther needs we will be
able to find a way to meet both parties needs
Conflict styles
5. Problem solvers:
– They share information about what they need
and listen to understand what the other needs
– Trust and openness make searching for
possible solutions a creative experience
Conflict styles
5. Problem solvers:
When individuals or a group set out to solve a problem, their chances for success increases if they follow problem-solving approach
Conflict styles
Regardless of the conflict style you select, there is some ground rules for conflict may enhance your success:1. agree upon a date and format to discuss the conflict
2.Rehearse what you will say and how you will respond
3.Confront the other (state the problem, describe, and identify)
Conflict strategies
4. Provide feedback (paraphrase the previous speaker before commenting)
5. Make specific request
6. Allow the other to respond
7. Continue the process of listening, paraphrasing and asserting
8. Acknowledge closure of the discussion (when agreement is achieved)
9. Arrange a follow up
Conflict strategies
Basic rules for “fair fighting”:
1. Select the right time (not mealtimes, bedtimes,….)
2. Try to maintain control of anger and strong feeling
3. Limit your fighting to one issue
4. Take turns clearly expressing your concerns and
listening to others response.
Conflict strategies
Remember that conflicts have at least two important factors,
the issue and the relationship
Conflict strategies
Problem solving approach:
1. Define the problem in term of needs(your needs are important to me)
2. Brainstorm possible solutions (I value your creative thinking)
3. Select the best solution that will met the both parties needs (I want you to have your needs satisfied)
Interpersonal relationship tools
Problem solving approach:
4.Plan who will do what, where, and when(you and I are willing to make joint decision)
5.Implement the plan(we have the power to change)
6.Evaluate the problem solving process and the solution (we can get better at problem solving)
Interpersonal relationship tools
Skillful language is:
1. specific language
2. Tentative language
3. Informing language
Using skillful language
1. specific language:
– One of the most frequent causes of
misunderstanding is using general language
– To avoid these breakdowns keep in mind
the following suggestions:
Using skillful language
specific language:
1. Do not assume that receivers should know what
you mean
2. Avoid the use of absolutes( always, never) “You
are always late” or “you were 20 min late for work
this morning”
Using skillful language
3. State your message in the most concrete or
specific words possible(“I want you to help out
this afternoon” or “I need you to answer the
phone and take messages while I attend the 1:00
pm meeting”)
4. Encourage the receiver to paraphrase the
message
Using skillful language
Example:
- The grass in my backyard needs to be cut today
- Never buy that brand of tool its really junk
- Your workstation is a mess
- There is a 30 percent chance of rain in the
forecast today
Using skillful language
2. tentative language:
– Tentative language makes its clear to a
receiver that your opinions are just opinions
not facts and are, therefore subject to error.
Using skillful language
2. tentative language:
– “you never listen to me when I talk to you”
– “you don’t seem interested in listening or
talking right now”
– You will be less likely to view your opinions as
facts
Using skillful language
2. tentative language:
– Ms Mendoza is the best teacher in the word
– It appears to me that unemployment
contributes to increased crime rates
Using skillful language
Imagine that you work at company with strong
union and you strongly believe in unions, your
friend work in non-unionized company feel just
the opposite and tells you:
Using skillful language
-Companies if left a lone would take care of their
workers, union always cost their members money
and don’t really provide protection of their workers
-I believe that some companies really care bout their
workers, like where I work and that some unions
don’t necessarily guarantee worker protection
Using skillful language
3. informing language:
– No one like to be ordered.
– We use order statements when we must do
something.
– Sometimes orders are necessary (but dose
not encourage feedback).
Using skillful language
3. informing language:
– Order statements command the receiver of the
message to behave in a specific way, they
remove any choice or decision making from
the receiver.
– Orders called “you” messages (direct,
command or control an action)
Using skillful language
3. informing language:
– However, we can give information instead
of orders, we give the same information
without creating defensiveness.
Using skillful language
3. informing language:
– Informing statements opens the door for
two- way communication, and encourages
similar sharing from the receiver
Using skillful language
3. informing language (example):
– When you don’t close the walk-in cooler
door, the compressor overheats.
– You have to share the overtime with ronnie
and kim.
Using skillful language
1. Behavior description statements.
2. Constructive feeling messages.
3. Consequence statements.
4. Impression checks.
5. Request statements.
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
How we interrupt other peoples behavior influence
our thoughts and feeling, if someone behavior
violates our personal rights, prevent us from
meeting our needs (respond with frustration
irritation or annoyance)
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
– Expressing our feeling (physically and
psychologically) is healthy.
– will be useful if we let the receiver know
what we reacting to?
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
– We can not change the others negative
behaviors but we can increase the chance of a
person changing his behavior if we describe
the behavior in specific, factual, non-
judgmental terms
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
– Saying “you’ve really been selfish lately”
(receiver don’t know why you say that and
his response will be defensiveness)
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
– Saying “you’ve borrowed my reference
manuals twice this week without asking me
if I needed to use them” (receiver will ask
your permission nest time)
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
– Your have clearly identified the behavior
– Also you avoid any evaluation of character,
motives or intentions (which reduce
defensiveness)
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
Behavior descriptions criteria:
– They should report only behaviors that we
can observe.
– They should exclude any evaluation or
judgment
– They should be specific and tentative
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
Also its very appreciate to express
POSITIVE behaviors
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
Behavior descriptions common problems:
- Use general statements
- Presenting inference about others attitudes,
feeling,….
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
- Judge the others using loaded words
- Using absolute terms
- Include more than one act in the description
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements:
Example:
- You never pay your fair share
- You gave me a dirty look for telling an
ethnic joke
Using Assertion messages
2. Constructive feeling messages:
- We can lessen misunderstanding, reduce
stress, and avoid unnecessary conflicts if we
learn to voice our feelings constructively.
- Expressing our feeling dose mean sharing
our deepest inner emotions with everyone at
any time.
Using Assertion messages
2. Constructive feeling messages:
- More people fall into the category of
under expressing rather than over
expressing.(our goal to achieve
balance between these two extremes).
Using Assertion messages
2. Constructive feeling messages:
When to express our feeling??
- In ongoing relations(parents-child, husband-
wife, friend-friend)
- When we aim to help relationship not to
harm it
- When a conflict threaten the relation
Using Assertion messages
2. Constructive feeling messages:
When to express our feeling??
- When the expression of these feeling moves
to a deeper level of sharing
Using Assertion messages
2. Constructive feeling messages:
However knowing when to express your
feeling is not enough, its important to
know how to express.
There is two important elements (an “I”
message and identification of the feeling
you are experience)
Using Assertion messages
2. Constructive feeling messages:
Examples:
– When you use my car and then do not refill
the gas tank, I feel irritated
– I'm so pleased with the 7 extra hours
you’ve put in the blueprint
Using Assertion messages
2. Constructive feeling messages:
With repeated situation the constructive
feeling message become part of our
communication style
Using Assertion messages
Common problems:
–Place “that” , “it”, “you” for “I”
–Place “think” for “feel”
–Rather than share “feel” share “don’t feel”
–Using future feeling statements
Using Assertion messages
–Using “I feel like” or “I feel that”
–Using “I’m sorry” or “I'm afraid”
–Combining skillful feeling with unskillful
messages
Using Assertion messages
Examples:
- I feel its time for us to take a break
-I'm really grateful you loaned me your car while
mine was being repaired (direct feeling)
-I feel that going on second shift if you don’t have
to is really stupid (seem as not real feeling)
-I feel like I'm on top of the world (using figurative
feeling, not clear)
Using Assertion messages
When you begin to write and share your
feeling messages, try to become
comfortable saying, “I feel”, “I get”, “I am”
Then try to use single word that names the
feeling you are experiencing
Using Assertion messages
1. Behavior description statements.
2. Constructive feeling messages.
3. Consequence statements.
4. Impression checks.
5. Request statements.
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
- our job performance, when reviewed, can be
source of reward or punishment.
- Our behavior in public places can win the
respect of family and friends or it can get us
arrested
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
- In general: consequence statements inform
others of the effect of their behaviors is
having on us.
- consequence statements can be tangible or
intangible.
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
Tangible statements:
– expressing the effect of other behaviors on our
time, money, work, possession, safety and
effectiveness of the job.
– Can be measured in terms of gain, saving or losses
– They show the effect of others directly.
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
Tangible statements:
- Because I have to pay money that I don’t
have
- Because I saved money and time when you
repaired my computer
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
Intangible statements:
- The feeling we enjoy or suffer from
- Hearing that someone loves you
- Can not be measured by clock or by your
productivity
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
Intangible statements:
- Because I feel really happy.
- Because I can not cope with things.
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
Both tangible or intangible effect can be positive
or negative, they can save, enhance, add, or
enrich, however they also can waste,
diminish or destroy .
Using Assertion messages
3. Consequence statement:
Effective communication requires sharing
of positive and negative , tangible and
intangible .
Using Assertion messages
4. Impression check:
Let’s suppose that someone has said or done
something which you don’t completely
understand. You have some idea of what the
sender might be feeling, wanting, needing,
or thinking, but you are not sure.
Using Assertion messages
4. Impression check:
At this point you may ask him a question or you
may pretend you know what’s going on.
“Asking will clear things up”
Impression checks have to be used with a
curious, questioning tone that communicate
your interest and concern.
Using Assertion messages
4. Impression check:
In short: impression check are responses to
someone’s verbal or nonverbal
communication which share an
impression of that person’s message in
open minded, non evaluation way and
which invite a response from the person
Using Assertion messages
4. Impression check:
Clear impression check should do:
- State your impression of another person (their
wants, needs, feeling or going to do).
- Present your impression in open mind way
(“I may be wrong”, “It seems that” or “it look as”
)
Using Assertion messages
4. Impression check:
Clear impression check should do:
- Express your impression in non-evaluating
way (this include your tone)
- Invite a response using short question or
rising inflection
Using Assertion messages
4. Impression check:
- by your frown, I get the idea that
Wednesday will not be a good day for us to
meet, right?
- You’re late again, what the hell’s the matter
with you?
Using Assertion messages
5. Request statements:
Request are polite statement that directly and
specifically ask someone to modify his
behavior in a way that gets your needs met
and that maintains the quality of the
relationship
Using Assertion messages
5. Request statements:
- May seek permission of others for actions “I
would like to have off on Saturday 18th”
- May ask for help “can you help me understand this
diagram?”
- May ask for cooperation
Using Assertion messages
5. Request statements:
Parts of request:
1. Should be direct
2. Must be specific
3. Allow freedom of response
4. Should be polite and courteous “use please”
Using Assertion messages
5. Request statements:
- Please hand me that 7/16- inch
socket(specific, direct and polite)
- Thanks to your late arrival, we could not
start our course on time
- Would you kindly return the insurance
enrollment forms by Friday this week?
Using Assertion messages