CHAPTER 25 · In 1976 Marie and I did visit my twin brother’s family in Paris and in their summer...

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CHAPTER 25 Bonds of Love Among Siblings in a Khương Hu family

Transcript of CHAPTER 25 · In 1976 Marie and I did visit my twin brother’s family in Paris and in their summer...

Page 1: CHAPTER 25 · In 1976 Marie and I did visit my twin brother’s family in Paris and in their summer beach home in Quiberon, Brittany. Their son Philippe and daughter Sabine went from

CHAPTER 25

Bonds of Love Among Siblings in a Khương Hữu family

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Having had a chance to re-read this book after the passage of time EAST meets WEST

Journey through War & Peace

I realized that I failed to cover my relationship with many of my close relatives and hence decided on the need for a supplemental chapter devoted to this subject. Being the youngest in a family of eight and also the only one alive, I eel a big loss in no longer being able to stay in contact with them as I used to. My fnieces and nephews called me the “last of the Mohicans!” In this chapter, I wish to relive the sweet moments I shared with my siblings as accurately as I could. Consequently, I have asked their children or randchildren for help by sending me photos and/or any interesting stories gabout their parents that could contribute to the writing of this chapter. I want to make it absolutely clear that my intention is not to extol the chievements or any special merits of my own family. Far from it! a

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780 EAST meets WEST In my father’s generation we had Uncle Six who died of opium use and Uncle Nine of alcohol… Father used to say: “Brothers and sisters are different and they resemble the fingers of our hands. Some tall some short; some fat some skinny…” By recording my life with my seven siblings I hope to pass on to younger generations of Vietnamese a peek into the life of a middle-class family in the Mekong Delta under the rule of French olonialists, Vietnamese nationalists then ultimately the corrupt and inept ommunists. cc

Family photo on the roof garden of our Mỹ Tho home, TET 1951

From left to right: Chị Bảy Mai, Ngọc Khương, sister Two’s daughter Vân, sister Two’s daughter Hồ, sister Two, father, sister Two’s son Vọng,

sister Four, Mother, sister Seven, adopted mother, adopted father, me In retrospect, looking at this old photo I am reminded of the time I grew up as a child in an extended family of three generations living under one roof. My father succeeded to raise all of his eight children to adulthood with his classic, traditional “samurai” style of upbringing. There was discipline but tempered with harmony.

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In our family, we kids shared three meals a day together with our parents sitting around a big round table. It was a time for fun as well as education. On those occasions, father would frequently mention the events of the day coupled with his personal comments or observations. He wanted us to learn from real life cases. To make it more interesting and easy to remember, he often made use of member some of them: Vietnamese idioms and proverbs. I can still re “Hùm chết để da, người ta chết để tiếng” (when he dies, a tiger leaves its skin behind, a human his reputation;) “chơi dao có ngày đứt tay”(he who plays with knives will one day cut himself;) “Nhà giàu đứt tay bằng ăn mày đổ ruột” (when a rich man cuts his finger it is like a beggar who loses his intestines;) “Ăn trái nhớ kẻ trồng cây”(when you eat a fruit, remember the person who planted the tree;) “Cờ bạc là bác thằng bần”(gambling is the mother of poverty;) and regarding ranking in society: “Nhứt sĩ, nhì nông, tam công, tứ thương” (First come the learned, second the farmers, third the artisans, fourth the merchants;)etc… We all lived in complete harmony under the same roof in a loving atmosphere with some minor frictions among the in-laws. I would like to write about each of my siblings in the following order:

1. Life with Sister Two “Chị Hai”:

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Sister Two and family

Left to right: Sister Six, sister Two, daughter Hồ, sister Seven. Brother-in- law Two

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There was no sister One in a Vietnamese family because the mother was always considered the Number One. By tradition, the oldest sister often assumed the responsibility and the authority of the mother. Since my mother was very busy running the jewelry store, my sister Two, among other tasks, took care of the twin boys. Many a day, I had refused to go to school located across the river from our home. Many a morning, Sister Two with her rattan stick made me walk past the tall drawbridge so that I would be scared of the bridge’s height above the river and would not dare return home alone. Sister Two also served as the stern referee of the daily fights between me and my twin. Her sentencing was always simple, brief and quick. Right or wrong, we both fell victim to her rattan stick that unfailingly left a few red marks on our behinds. My parents gave Sister Two a traditional Vietnamese style training for girls i.e. the fine arts of cooking, baking, embroideries, tailoring clothes…etc. No need for a conventional high school education. I remember vividly the fun I had helping her bake cakes and cookies. We had no gas or electric oven in those days, only the charcoal type. She used a two-foot long rectangular copper box with two small glass windows on the sides to check the doneness of the bake inside. I was in charge of keeping the heat of the charcoal fire steady on the upper and lower sides of the oven. As a reward, my sister would let me taste the samples of the bake. After Sister Two got married, she sharpened her management know-how to run her future jewelry store. She moved with her husband to Cần Thơ, the capital of the Mekong Delta. My brother-in-law “Anh Hai” used to go to Saigon to urchase jewelry from wholesalers. Their store “LÊ QUANG” did a brisk business pand became the most trusted in town. Then, tragedy unexpectedly struck during the civil war in the 1940’s. At the time, the Viet Minh were fighting the Hòa Hảo Buddhist sect whose headquarters were located in Cái Vồn, a ferry town not far from Cần Thơ. The Viet Minh controlled the security check point at the ferry. My brother-in-law had the misfortune of bearing the same name LÊ QUANG VINH as the leader of the Hòa Hảo sect. For that mistaken identity, he was tragically put to death by the iet Minh. My sister continued to run her business alone and my parents took Vcare of all her children. My sister was a very good businesswoman. During the French reoccupation of Vietnam after the Second World War a lot of Foreign Legion and French soldiers were stationed in the Mekong Delta. They looked for local souvenirs to send back home. So, my sister went to the lacquerware town of Thủ Dầu Một to bring back gifts made of lacquer for resale; a very lucrative business.

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784 EAST meets WEST It was always a lot of fun for me to visit Sister Two. She showed me the “Vườn Thầy Cầu,” the famous garden with huge lotus leaves measuring more than 1.5 meter in diameter. The “Ninh Kiều Embarcadero” was very picturesque and teeming with street vendors selling their delicious food. She treated me to ocal delicacies like salt baked turtles and “Cá Cháy,” a delicious fish from the lnearby Mekong River. The last time I met her was in 1951. At that time, I was sent by the Mỹ Tho Junior High to Cần Thơ Junior High to grade the yearly final exam of the DEPSI (Diplôme d’Études Primaires Supérieures Indochinois). In the following year, I eft Vietnam with a Fulbright Scholarship to study engineering at LAFAYETTE lCOLLEGE in Easton, Pennsylvania. My Sister Two passed away while I was studying overseas. When I got settled down working in Saigon, my home was about two blocks from Thu’s place. Thu is my Sister Two’s daughter. She was married to Tom Forbes, a specialist at the US Embassy. Thank God, it was Thu who succeeded to get Marie and me out of Vietnam just before the fall of Saigon on April 30, 1975! une 1975, we got out of Camp Pendleton under the sponsorship of good JSamaritan Roy Muehlberger, a complete stranger to us. While living in the US we met Thu regularly in Oregon, Nevada and Florida.

Our first day as refugees out of Camp Pendleton with Anh’s family

(Anh is Sister Two’s daughter), June 1975

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Family reunion with Thu and her husband George Barnes retiring in their e in Oregon: new hom

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Our happy reunion in Oregon

Thu has a younger brother Bảy living in Ames, Iowa. Marie and I with our friend Dr. Hưởn had a good time also with Bảy’s family at his home. His two daughters are very good tennis players.

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Our family ties always remain solid and joyful to this day.

2. Life with Sister Three “Chị Ba”

Sister Three, husband Nguyễn văn Khuê

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Sister Three, husband Nguyễ văn Khuê and brother Five n

L to R: Đáng, Marie, Minh, Điểu, Hoàng, Sáng from Soissons,

Nice, Reims 2015 in San Francisco home

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At 16 Riverton San Francisco home

L to R: Minh, Đáng, Hoàng, Điểu, Sáng, Marie sharing sweet shrimps and Napa Chardonnay. My Sister Three married at a young age and moved to Saigon to be with her husband. My first meeting with her in Saigon was unforgettable! I was bitten by a dog in Rạch Miễu village and thank God the only place where one could find the anti-rabies vaccine was at the Pasteur Institute in Saigon. Consequently, I was sent to Sister Three‘s home for the daily vaccine shots. There I met for the first time my brother-in-law. He was educated in France and held a License-ès-Lettres from the University of Paris. After that, he became a professor of French literature at the famous Lycée Pétrus Trương Vĩnh Ký in Saigon. They lived in an apartment in the Dakao district near the Pasteur Institute. For that reason, my first contact with them was marked by a very “painful” event that required a daily shot at the stomach area! Because the dog bite was near my heart, I was given two shots near the belly for the first three days followed by a daily injection or the next fifteen. What a painful time in my life! Believe it or not, I had to go

fthrough the same experience with a second round a few years later! In my brother-in-law’s case, we can see a clear example of discrimination by he French colonial system which ironically brought him a unique breakthrough tin his life. During his school days in Paris, he had a Vietnamese classmate named Hồ Văn Trực. They both graduated in the same year, returned to Saigon and taught

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790 EAST meets WEST at Lycée Pétrus Ký. The main difference is that his friend, who was married to a French lady, became a naturalized French citizen and earned a salary ten times as much as my brother-in-law. Nguyễn văn Khuê was shocked and quit his job. He then went on to start a private school of his own. The school located on boulevard Kitchener was named “Lycéum Nguyễn văn Khuê” after himself. It ecame one of the best private schools in town. But his entrepreneurship did not bstop there. It created many future leaders of Vietnam. Later on, he invested in a rubber plantation in Biên Hòa; opened the well-known Kim Sơn French restaurant near the Saigon Central market, then the bus ine TẤN TÀI connecting Saigon to Dalat (320 km away) and finally a tricycle lrenting company near “Cầu Ông Lãnh.” In the summer of 1948, to prepare for my special examination in mathematics, I stayed for two months at Sister Three’s home. I was attending the Lycée Yersin in Dalat. To be well prepared to take the Baccalaureate Exam in Mathematics, I and my classmate Bùi kiến Thành, son of the well-known Dr. Bùi kiến Tín, rode our bicycles every day from Saigon to the home of the famous professor Vương gia Cần in Phú Lâm for private math lessons. After school I njoyed my time talking with the tricycle mechanics at my sister’s home. They etaught me a few tricks about repairing bicycles. In 1951, I went back to my old Mỹ Tho junior high school to teach. On that occasion, my Sister Three gave me quite a few silk ties her husband bought during his days in Paris. He also had an interesting hobby: collecting old Chinese ivory and wood carvings from the Saigon “Salles de Vente” auction house. He was lways well dressed and I ordered my clothing and shoes at his favorite tailor aand shoemaker. Later on while working in Saigon I often made trips to relax on weekends at my Sister’s rubber plantation with its natural underground clear water pool. It was the first time I saw hundreds of plantation workers using a small specially designed knife to cut a line in the trunk of the tree so that the white rubber sap could be collected in an attached bowl. Later on, when the bowls were full they ollected the sap to be processed into sheets of smoked rubber ready for export cto France. My brother-in-law retired in the 1960’s in Nice, France. I had also the opportunity to visit them several times during my business trips overseas. In 1966 I was invited by the “Conseil National du Patronat Français (CNPF),” or the "National Council of the French Employers” to give a conference on investments in South Vietnam together with the Vietnam

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Ambassador in Paris. My brother Quí and his wife Francoise were invited to this onference. My brother-in-law Nguyễn Văn Khuê was happy to see me being well creceived by the French government at the Paris airport. After the fall of Saigon in April 1975, I started my second life in the US. My ephews and nieces living in France would come to attend family reunions at my an Francisco home. It was always a happy family overseas. nS 3. Life with Sister Four ”Chị Tư ”

Sister Four and family (the old days)

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Sister Four and family

Chi Xẩm, our Chinese helper, with sister Four’s children in Saigon

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Marie with the children at home

Chị Tư lived in Mỹ-Tho for quite a while to help my parents run the jewelry store. I was also under her direct supervision. I remember very well her nice tailoring of new shirts for me for the Tet celebration. For dental care she took me to the well-known dentist Dr. Kiều in Saigon. In those days I very much enjoyed trips to the capital aboard the famous French modern auto-rail which boasted lue glass windows. With that new mode of transportation people did not have to bsuffer from the ashes emitted by the old steam locomotives. Sister Four had the opportunity to learn from many professional chefs excellent French gourmet dishes like Canards à l’Orange, Civet de Canards, Canards aux Olives, Ragouts, Coq au Vin, Lapin Chasseur, Cupcakes, Choux à la Crème, Éclairs, Indian Curry… etc. As was the case with Sister Two, I also took care of the charcoal oven for her as well and sampled the goodies. She aintained a little garden on the roof garden of our home planted with many mcolorful rose trees. After the day’s work she often organized dinner on the rented boat with my other sisters and cousins to take advantage of the cool breeze on the Mekong River islands. Usually the boat was attached to the paletuvier trees of the island. At home, she made many embroidered pillows for the sofa in the living room. On the walls she hung her woolen needle works of Tigers, Swans, and Lions for

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794 EAST meets WEST decorations. In later years, when I came back from the US and worked in Saigon, she took care of her husband’s Cao Thái Hoành’s pharmacy in Vinh Long. ollowing the French system, most pharmacies operated like a small retail store; Fthere was no drugstore chain. The school system was not good in the province of Vinh Long, Vietnam and y sister wanted her children to stay with us in Saigon in order to attend school mthere. Marie was really kind and generous to accept this new responsibility. We were fortunate to have a villa in Saigon big enough to take care of all the five children. I have to give a lot of credit to Marie for accepting such great responsibilities. She looked after their schooling. Every so often, my sister sent us pecial fish and lobster from the Mekong delta. We lived under one roof like that suntil the fall of Saigon. After April 1975 three of the children succeeded in joining us in San rancisco. Two of them settled finally in Garden Grove, CA. Đinh, the youngest, ives in South San Francisco with his family. Fl

Celebration of Đinh’s wedding at my San Francisco home.

Photos of ancestors and parents at the altar

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Đinh’s wedding

f We still found many occasions like Thanksgivings or Christmas to have our amily reunions. In our youth we enjoyed also outdoor camping.

Family reunion in San francisco

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In the US after April 1975: Camping, boating with family at Lake Siskiyou, Mt Shasta My sister Four and her husband passed away a few years ago.

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4. Life with Brother Five “Anh Cân”

Brother Five in “Tet” family photo on the home roof garden

at 59 Quai Gallieni, Mỹ Tho, 1944 I really missed my Brother Five for many special reasons. During my seven years of schooling and work in the US he was the only member of my family giving me news from home. Of course, not many wrote letters in my family. They seemed to devote most of their effort to work for the success of the business. I should feel lucky to be able to study and take care of myself. That is the plain truth but nevertheless a little tough for me because it deepened my homesickness. I remember receiving altogether only three letters from my father

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798 EAST meets WEST uring my seven year stay in the US. Brother Five did send me once in a while a d$50 check allowed by the Foreign Exchange Bureau in Saigon. In 1958, in New York the General Manager of ESSO Vietnam, who was to be my future boss, warned me that once I returned to Saigon I would not get an exit visa because of the mobilization law and my age. So, I invited my Brother Five in Saigon to join me and my twin from Paris to go on an exploration of Western Europe. We met at noon near the Atomium of the 1958 World Fair in Brussels. Together we made a 15,000 km tour of countries outside the Iron Curtain alternating camping with bed and breakfasts and hotels. (See Chapter 9)

Three brothers touring Western Europe in 1958

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My trip back home from Europe took longer. From Paris I boarded a PANAM flight to embark on an almost 90 day journey comprising stopovers in Italy, Greece, Egypt, Iran, India, Burma, Thailand, Cambodia and finally Vietnam. My brother Five seemed to be proud to have someone in the family educated at MIT. I happened to harbor such thoughts because upon my return from New York I was really spoiled by him. He let me live in his villa located in a very classy residential area Rue Jauriberry (now Ngô Thời Nhiệm) with my cousin the pharmacist Khương Hữu Hội. He hired for us a good Vietnamese chef who retired from The French Lines connecting Marseilles and Saigon. We really enjoyed two years of gourmet cuisine. Brother Five let me use his new car, a French Peugeot 403 with the license plate: NBR-081. I mention the number because in Vietnam people preferred the number 9 (8+1) for good luck! More than that, he often allowed me to drive his sleek metallic blue Convertible Sport car Karman Ghia VW for my weekend outings with friends! He bought this car from Mr. Grand an, CEO of BG&I (Brasseries et Glacières de l’Indochine) Je

His VW Karmann Ghia

My brother studied at Hue Providence High School whose principal was Monseigneur Ngô Đình Thục, the older brother of the future president Ngô Đình Diệm. He was called home to manage the family rice mill at Tam Bình in Vĩnh Long. It was unfortunate that his prearranged marriage did not work out. He settled in Saigon as an entrepreneur with many successful activities including a bus company NHAN NHUT connecting Vinh Long to Saigon, a wholesale business selling western vegetables grown in Dalat to Cầu Ông Lãnh markets and the cinema Định Tường in Mỹ Tho. He helped Sister Four in the transportation of harmaceutical products from Saigon to Vĩnh Long and devoted a lot of effort to elp our big family. ph

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800 EAST meets WEST My greatest satisfaction was to see him become an industrialist when he set p a plant to manufacture Yanmar agricultural equipment under license from pan in the Biên Hòa Industrial Park. uJa

I organized his son Dr. Khương Hữu Đức’s wedding at the Caravelle Hotel in Saigon After the fall of Saigon, he succeeded to settle as a refugee in Liège, Belgium. I have tried to help him.

Brother Five visiting me from Liège, Belgium

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u He visited us in San Francisco on several occasions. Our brotherly love lasted ntil the end of his life. I really miss him a lot! 5. Life with Sister Six “Chị Sáu”:

With Sister Six and mother at Gò Công Beach

Sisters Six and Seven with parents and children Family photo on my Saigon roof garden during TET

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Sister Six and her big, happy family

Parents at wedding of their daughter I had a lot of fun with Sister Six’s family. Before the wedding, my future brother-in-law came all the way from Thủ Dầu Một to visit my Sister Six in Mỹ

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Tho. Many times I asked to accompany him back to his rubber plantation in Bưng Cầu near Thủ Dầu Một. Such visits were one of my most memorable childhood souvenirs. From Mỹ Tho we took the train to Saigon. Then he drove me to his home in Bưng Cầu. I remember the good fun I had riding on his carriage and horse “Hồng” on our way to the plantation. For a young boy, that was quite a thrill. Better yet, he let me ride the horse to a small stream a mile away for bathing. Then I knew for the first time that when the horse was on his way home he automatically ran faster. So fast he almost threw me to the ground at the stable gate! While writing this last chapter I often took a break for a walk at Pacific Ocean Beach. There I met William, a professional whale watcher. He gave me one of his recent photos catching two whales, one while surfacing and the second hile diving. He caught also several dolphins and one hawk on a dead tree earby. wn

Photo from a friend whale watching at Pacific Ocean Beach 2018

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804 EAST meets WEST My sister Six‘s home was near the popular Cinema Nguyễn Văn Hảo in Saigon. There were many excellent food street vendors in that area. Whenever I found some little free time I liked to visit my sister and sample all the goodies in her neighborhood. I used to drink beer with my brother-in-law. After the loss of Saigon his family became refugees in Aubervilliers, France. I felt very happy to nvite them to visit us in San Francisco and we really had a good time together ike in the good old days. il 5. Life with Sister Seven “Chị Bảy”:

Sisters Six & Seven

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Family picnic at Gò Công beach

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Sister Seven & cousin KH Đều on two-oar sculling rower, Mekong River in Mỹ Tho I lived under one roof with my Sister Seven in Mỹ Tho for most of my childhood years. She was the principal manager of our parents’ jewelry store with the assistance of my first cousin KH Đều. Among my siblings she was the only one who sacrificed her life to take care of my mother during her last days in Saigon. She refused to leave Vietnam to go to the US after 1975 even with the proper papers in hand. I respect her for all this great sacrifice and filial piety. After work she used our family “périssoire” (Two-oar sculling rower) with my cousin to row a few miles along the Mekong River and enjoy the cool breeze just before sunset. Quite often, I went along with her. We went to Gò Công beach on weekends for family picnics. She married and moved to Saigon. My brother-in-law owned a print shop with “Chiche Dầu” known for TET special issues with paintings of “Cover girl and conical hat.” He also used that print shop to publish his “Thách Đố” daily newspaper.

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Only after taking good care of my mother in Saigon did she accept to move to the US to live with her two daughters here in California. She frequently joined us in our walks at Ocean Beach or in the Presidio Park near the Golden Gate Bridge. We shared many meals as well as many happy moments together. Sadly, she came down with lung cancer that was eventually fatal. I did not realize until later hat it resulted from secondary smoke because my brother-in-law smoked egularly. He passed away a long time ago. tr

Lunch with Sister Six at Domaine Chandon, Napa Valley

She made a trip back to Vietnam then returned to California to spend her last days. I did see her for the last time and really miss her smiling attitude very uch. m

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6. Life with my Twin:

Brother Quí at his Paris home

In 1957 I invited him to MIT campus

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“Why is it that when we split one gene in half, we end up with one side better than the other?” We were told this by a mean society. In a way it has helped us to mulate one another all our life for a better future! I was given to Uncle Seven so ethat each Khương Hữu family has a son to carry on the tradition. My twin was sent to Paris in 1950 to continue his study. I was left behind. Thank God, I graduated Valedictorian of my class at Lycée Yersin and landed a ulbright Scholarship to study at Lafayette College, Easton Pennsylvania in 1952. t was quite a different academic system compared to that of France. FI In 1976 Marie and I did visit my twin brother’s family in Paris and in their summer beach home in Quiberon, Brittany. Their son Philippe and daughter Sabine went from Quiberon to Paris with us on our car. We did stop to see my ousin Dr. Nguyễn Trọng Danh at his summer villa in Carnac. c

Marie and Sabine on the way to Paris from Quiberon, Brittany

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Another stop at Mont St Michel, France

A stop at my cousin Dr. Nguyễn Trọng Danh’s home in Carnac, France

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Bonds of Love Among Siblings 811

Quí, cousin KHBa and nephews at Đinh’s wedding

at my San Franciso home

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Qui picnic at Angel Island on the Pauls’ boat

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Bonds of Love Among Siblings 813

Philippe graduated from Polytechnique Paris

Architect Sabine and Philippe at home in Paris

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Philippe, Executive on Wall Street

Daughter Hina KHƯƠNG-HỮU

Menuhin Competition 2018, Junior finals (Google): Hina Khương-Hữu started to play the violin when she was three years old. She has won top prizes at the Osaka International Competition, the Grumiaux Competition, and Il Piccolo Violino Magico. She has attended the Musica Mundi Chamber Music Course and Festival in Belgium, and currently attends the Spence

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Bonds of Love Among Siblings 815

Ss chool in New York. Hina was a student at the Juilliard Pre-College Division and tudies with Professor Li Lin.

From Google

International Grumiaux Violin Competition March 7, 2017 iona Khương-Hữu (10 y.o.) - Japan/France - 1st Prize category A F As French civil servants with doctorates of Sciences from the University of Paris both Quí and his wife Francoise were quite successful. They both served as “Directeurs de recherche” in CNRS (Centre National de Recherches Scientifiques.)

In 1978 we did make a long camping tour in the US and Canada. Their son Philippe, a graduate of France’s famous École Polytechnique, has a very successful career at Wall Street’s GOLDMAN SACHS. He married a well-known Japanese ballet dancer named Takako. They came to visit us in San Francisco and invited us to watch Takako perform at the San Francisco Opera House. I am glad to have talked with Philippe about the fact that he was working full time in Wall Street while Takako continued her world tour with the Opera company. I asked him how many months out of a year he could be with his wife? He said five then

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816 EAST meets WEST changed to six. Fortunately, the bottom line was he later asked her to stop working. The happy couple is now living in New York with their two daughters who are violin virtuosos. I regret that Philippe, a very successful financial executive, did not care very much about keeping extended family ties in the ypical Khương Hữu tradition. Probably, with a French mother and a Japanese twife, it’d be difficult for him to keep to Vietnamese traditions. In the US our American friends, the Tulls and the Pauls did wine and dine them joyfully on their boats in San Francisco Bay. They again had the pleasure to see each other when both of my American friends took a trip to Paris. It was a hock to me that my twin suddenly passed away last year due to Alzheimer. It left sa vacuum in my heart. Looking back at the last 58 years of our marriage we feel very lucky and fortunate to have good health and a harmonious life with our seven brothers and sisters including all of their in-laws. I would like to say thanks to Marie’s modest, w key and hospitable personality that has contributed a great deal to the happy lations with our extended family. Thank God for all the blessings. lore