Chapter 14DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

Stability—the quality of being fi rm and steadfast (faithful)

Stable Relationships Last over time Respect and trust, communication, share values/beliefs,

build strong morals, spend time together

STABLE & UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS

Grow apartNo longer share interests that drew them togetherFailed communicationFinancial, sexual, or role problemsPhysical and mental abuse

Many, many more!!!

WHY MARRIAGES END

Divorce—legal action that ends a marriage Leads to major changes for the entire family Marriages don’t end without warning!

Most occur over about 2 years

Not all troubled relationships are destined for divorce Seek counseling

Society is more accepting of divorce More flexible laws

1. Isolation-partners withdraw from each other; no longer share

closeness—act like strangers

2. Invalidation-partners respond negatively to one another; they weaken

their bond with judgments, blame each other which results in negative feelings

3. Betrayal-feeling that the trust has been broken; support you expect

from your spouse is no longer there

3 BASIC STAGES LEADING TO DIVORCE

Most important act in the breakup of a marriage is the choice to separate

The decision to divorce is often harder than the divorce itself

How the families handle the feelings during this time has a great impact on the family

Age The younger the more likely

Increase if the bride is pregnant or has already had a child

Income Unemployment and financial problems

Women with higher incomes are more likely to divorce than women with little or no income

Success of the Parents’ Marriage More likely if the parents have divorced

Other Factors Less likely when:

Active in religion More children Dated for long periods of time

PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE

In 2007, divorce rate was 4.3%

11% of the adult population is currently divorced.

 50% of American marriages will end in divorce.

25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime.

TENNESSEE MARRIAGE & DIVORCE STATISTICS

(1) Either party, at the time of the contract, was and sti l l is naturally impotent and incapable of procreation;

(2) Either party has knowingly entered into a second marriage, in violation of a previous marriage, sti l l subsisting;

(3) Either party has committed adultery;

(4) Willful or malicious desertion or absence of either party, without a reasonable cause, for one (1) whole year;

(5) Being convicted of any crime that, by the laws of the state, renders the party infamous;

(6) Being convicted of a crime that, by the laws of the state, is declared to be a felony, and sentenced to confi nement in the penitentiary;

TENNESSEE LAWS FOR DIVORCE

(7) Either party has attempted the l i fe of the other, by poison or any other means showing malice;

(8) Refusal, on the part of a spouse, to remove with that person's spouse to this state, without a reasonable cause, and being wil l ful ly absent from the spouse residing in Tennessee for two (2) years;

(9) The woman was pregnant at the t ime of the marriage, by another person, without the knowledge of the husband;

(10) Habitual drunkenness or abuse of narcotic drugs of either party, when the spouse has contracted either such habit after marriage;

(11) The husband or wife is gui lty of such cruel and inhuman treatment or conduct towards the spouse as renders cohabitation unsafe and improper, which may also be referred to in pleadings as inappropriate marital conduct;

(12) The husband or wife has off ered such indignit ies to the spouse's person as to render the spouse's posit ion intolerable, and thereby forced the spouse to withdraw;

(13) The husband or wife has abandoned the spouse or turned the spouse out of doors for no just cause, and has refused or neglected to provide for the spouse while having the ability to so provide;

(14) Irreconcilable diff erences between the parties; and

(15) For a continuous period of two (2) or more years that commenced prior to or after April 18, 1985, both parties have lived in separate residences, have not cohabited as man and wife during such period, and there are no minor children of the parties.

Can be ended legally in 3 ways:

1. Annulment—states that a legal marriage never took place due to some prior condition; marriage was not legal because it was not entered in good faith

2. Legal Separation—lets couple live in separate homes but cannot remarry; partners make a legal agreement to live apart

3. Divorce—most common outcome of marital breakups; granted by each state and laws vary by state

-some states now call it a dissolution of marriage

THE LEGAL PROCESS

Most are granted under these laws Partners claim that the marriage has broken and neither is

to blame Time spent living apart may be all the proof needed that a

breakdown has occurred Legal process is simple

NO-FAULT DIVORCE LAWS

Divorce mediation—when couples meet with a neutral 3 rd party Helps decide:

How to divide time with children Splitting of personal items Financial issues

Final decision rests with the divorce judge who will legalize the couple’s decisions

DIVORCE DECISIONS

Custody—legal right to make decisions that aff ect children (physical care)

1. Sole custody-one spouse keeps all legal rights and responsibilities

2. Joint custody-parents share equal decisions

3. Split custody-each has sole custody of 1 or more children

4. Alternate custody-live with one parent for long periods of time, then live with the other parent for long period of time

5. Third-party custody-someone else is assigned as the child’s legal guardian

CHILD CUSTODY

Defined by the custody arrangement Parent who doesn’t have custody pays support Set amount that is to be paid each month

Government makes parents pay child support if there is a court order. Can be deduced from wages If not paid, parents can be put into jail

CHILD SUPPORT

You often have to divide homes, furnishings, cars, banking accounts, etc

Judges look at length of marriages and factors that could influence what spouses deserve

Alimony—financial support of an ex-spouse Spouse with more financial support helps support the other

one Doesn’t last very long

Lasts until the spouse finds a job or remarries

FINANCIAL MATTERS

Creates major changes and young children may not understand the situation, but they still sense anger and tension

Children must: Be able to manage daily life Live with the emotions caused by the divorce

CHILDREN AND DIVORCE

Image that its their faultLots of sorrow & guilt

Children model their parent’s attitude towards divorceChildren need stability—same home, same school,

same friends

HOW CHILDREN VIEW DIVORCE

Time around separate is hardest on a childGuilt, rage, rejection, and helplessness are commonEmotional problems caused by divorce are lessened

with time

EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

Both people have to build their lives around a divorce Must cope with loneliness, anger, depression, guilt, and

feelings of failure Can have an affect on careers

Single parenting Remarriage

THE DIVORCED COUPLE

More than ½ of all remarriages create blended families

Must work at maintaining relationshipsCouple must be committed to each other and the

marriage

BLENDED FAMILIES

Favoritism Favoring 1 child over another

Discipline Adjustment to new rules in the family

Resources Values

Must learn to understand each others feelings Former Relationships

Parents/children may not support a new marriage Roles Child-Spouse Competition

It is common to feel jealousy/competition when dealing with children from another marriage

CHALLENGES OF BLENDING FAMILIES