Carlin's Quotes

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The master jester in his own words.

Transcript of Carlin's Quotes

  • 1. Carlins Quotes The master jester in his own words What if there were no hypothetical questions ?
  • 2. George Carlin was Free Speech personified. The Truth takes few words. He spoke them all.
  • 3. Politics Anyone can become president. Thats the problem. The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
  • 4. Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Religion
  • 5. Sex You can prick your finger just dont finger your prick. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • 6. War Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
  • 7. Limits I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
  • 8. People Those who dance are considered insane by those who cant hear the music. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
  • 9. Drugs One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
  • 10. Words Language is a tool for concealing the truth. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Is there another word for synonym? There are no bad words, only bad thoughts and bad intentions.
  • 11. Life So far, this is the oldest Ive been. Always do whatever's next. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
  • 12. Death Most of the time people feel okay. Probably its because at the moment theyre not actually dying. Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it.
  • 13. The Universe The future will soon be a thing of the past. If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
  • 14. Himself I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
  • 15. Farewell, Al Sleet. We miss you. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
  • 16. George Denis Patrick Carlin May 12 1937 ~ June 22 2008
  • 17.