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Improving Essays – Learning to Edit

Picture 1: Editing: your chance to make a contribution to the world of literature.

The importance of editing is usually lost on people who aren’t that into English, or who aren’t very confident with essay writing. But the sooner you get it into your head that the essay isn’t done the minute you finish the first draft, the better. You need to type it on the computer, and then get out your guide to essay writing, and prune each sentence like you would a tree so that keywords are at the front of sentences, the paragraphs have topic and conclusion sentences, and grammar is used appropriately.

Write the first draft then walk away and leave it. You can’t edit right after you’ve just written it, you need a fresh eye. Come back at least a few hours later, having watched a movie or something in between. If you can leave it a few days before you edit, that’s even better.

Edit it until you think you’ve made it perfect, then show it to a teacher or tutor. Listen to their feedback, and then apply the feedback in another edit. Keep this process going until you feel your core essay is perfect. Then, you have a great record of your work in the belonging unit, and you can start practicing essay variations to different questions.

What to cut:

Picture 5: Be critical of your own work. If you can’t, get a friend or teacher to help you make the hard choices.

Cut out any words or sentences you don’t expressly need. Anything that you think sounds good, but doesn’t contribute a real point to your argument should go. There is an old saying in editing that you need to “kill your darlings” which means that we sometimes get attached to a line or phrase just because we’re really proud of it – not because it contributes to the argument.

Have one, focused train of thought. Does your essay branch off into sub-themes, and then veer back to the major point? Do you ever say anything which is slightly contradictory to other ideas that you’ve raised? Prune back your essay so that it is one sleek, logical, reasoned argument.

Avoid repetition of ideas. Repetition is a technique for poets, but an albatross around the neck of essayists. Avoid repetition of techniques, ideas or quotes from the text – you want to show off your diversity. Also avoid repeating the same conjunctions “however, similarly, thus” in order to join your sentences – use variety. Don’t repeat adjectives either, especially ones like “engaging” and “insightful” to describe your text. However, it is okay to repeat words which were key terms in your question, or to be consistent in your reference to aspects of the text. For instance, hopping around between “themes, ideas, notions, and concerns” can be confusing for the reader, so pick one and stick to it.

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What to add:

Picture 2: It’s tempting to worry most about transplanting more ready-made vocabulary but you’re probably better off focusing on adding more techniques and quotes to support your argument. Sometimes you can find a list of quotes from your text online and just pull out the three best ones to add in with their associated techniques.

Thesis. If your essay doesn’t say anything strongly, that is something that you need to fix! Ideally, a thesis should already be a part of your essay, but if it exists, it usually hangs out in the introduction, and maybe is revisited in the conclusion. The thesis should be a part of every paragraph by the way you interpret textual events. Your thesis should be about Belonging and should be something you truly believe.

References to the rubric. Check your essay for references to the Belonging syllabus rubric. Keep in mind that although not all rubric ideas may be mentioned in the essay question, you will still be marked according to the rubric. You are expected to interpret your questions in the context of the rubric, so it’s a good idea to use some key terms like identity, community, social or historical context, and so forth, to direct your markers towards your awareness of this fact.

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Techniques and quotes. Go back through your texts and notes and see if you can pack some more techniques and quotes in, especially those which are more detailed or more relevant.

Jargon. Don’t just add in every fancy English term you hear, but you may know more about narrative conventions or poetry techniques or so on than when you planned your essay. Techniques like metonymy, caesura, and anaphora are bound to turn a few heads. Substitute in more specific terms for general ones, such as “extended metaphor” instead of just “imagery” and make sure you have emphasised the techniques with a good state, explain, support structure.

Phrasing. You can tell a boring story in an interesting way if you present it well enough. With this in mind, you should use language to make your essay interesting to read. Use exciting adjectives, keep the main points towards the start of sentences, and paragraph for new ideas so your essay has a rhythm to it. Vary the length of sentences – short sentences for emphasis, long sentences for building to a point. You should alternate between these sentence types, especially if you tend to favour one or the other.

Grammar: dashes, colons and semi-colons. See if you can make your work more sophisticated by adding in some of the grammar devices you have learned to use in this booklet.

Vocabulary. It can be dangerous to just throw in terms you’ve picked out of a thesaurus or dictionary. Keep in mind that no two words mean EXACTLY the same thing, and the difference between many words is subtle, so even if the thesaurus says they’re synonyms, that doesn’t mean you’re using it right. Always check new words with a teacher or tutor and don’t pepper your essay with words you don’t know how to handle. Your essay shouldn’t stop sounding like you.

Vocabulary

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Picture 3: Remember, there are hidden dangers to thesaurus-surfing.

Despite the warning about not being a thesaurus-surfer, it is good to have a little bit of variation in the words you use to string your themes, techniques and quotes together. And let’s face it; you were going to do it anyway. On the following pages are some tables of examples of vocabulary you might want to vary to make your essay more interesting to read.

When you go to use new words, make sure you have read about them in the dictionary AND the thesaurus, and run them by a teacher or tutor. You also have to be able to remember what the word means later – it’s no good being able to parrot an entire core essay that you barely understand. A rule of thumb is – if, when asked you can define the word by yourself and give an example in a sentence, then it’s okay to go into the essay.

Also remember, complicated is not necessarily better. Think how much you dislike having to read a long boring paper with lots of clunky unfamiliar technical terms in it, and remember your marker probably feels the same way. You can use big words for effect every now and then but don’t bog yourself – or your marker – down.

Ways to say that the composer has used a technique for an effect.

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e.g. In Dickinson’s poem, metaphor is used to show a sense of alienation.

Dickinson uses metaphor to expose a sense of alienation.

Dickinson uses metaphor to emphasise a sense of alienation.

Dickinson’s use of metaphor displays a sense of alienation.

Dickinson’s use of metaphor exhibits a sense of alienation.

Dickinson’s use of metaphor demonstrates a sense of alienation.

Dickinson’s use of metaphor produces a sense of alienation.

Dickinson’s employment of metaphor creates a sense of alienation.

Dickinson’s employment of metaphor achieves a sense of alienation.

Dickinson employs metaphor to create a sense of alienation.

Dickinson utilises metaphor to establish a sense of alienation.

Dickinson exploits metaphor to establish a sense of alienation.

Dickinson draws on metaphorical language in order to establish a sense of alienation.

Dickinson uses metaphorical language to offer responders a sense of alienation.

A sense of alienation is underlined by Dickinson’s use of metaphor.

A sense of alienation is outlined by Dickinson’s use of metaphor.

A sense of alienation is suggested by Dickinson’s use of metaphor.

A sense of alienation is connoted by Dickinson’s use of metaphor.

A sense of alienation is revealed by Dickinson’s use of metaphor.

A sense of alienation is indicated by Dickinson’s use of metaphor.

Dickinson’s use of metaphor epitomises the persona’s sense of alienation.

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Conclusion sentences: ways to say that the composer has used achieved a particular theme.

e.g. And so, Romulus My Father shows the concept of belonging through communication.

Thus it is evident that in Romulus My Father, belonging is achieved through communication.

Such examination of the text reveals that belonging is achieved through communication.

Consideration of the text extols the importance of communication to one’s sense of belonging.

Therefore belonging experiences are shown to be dependent upon shared communication.

Belonging in Romulus is hence a product of meaningful communication.

Consequently, belonging experiences in Romulus all centre on the art of communication.

This textual evidence indicates that communication is the essential core of belonging experiences.

Ergo, the concept of belonging evinced by Romulus relies on communication and exchange.

Thus Romulus manifests belonging ideas and experiences which depend upon communication.

The importance of communication to belonging can be identified through such techniques.

Such experiences relate a concept of belonging inexorably bound to the process of communication.

Thus novel conventions in Romulus indicate communication’s role in belonging.

Gaita’s novel has built a concept of belonging around the principles of communication.

Gaita’s work ultimately explores themes of belonging based upon communicative relationships.

These examples demonstrate that Baillie’s notion of belonging is dependent upon communication.

Gaita’s use of textual devices evokes a concept of belonging which requires communication.

How to get better at editing essays:

Edit on a computer. Save several drafts so you can cut and paste, embellish and cull without destroying the original. You can then compare which version reads better. Another idea is to edit using the track changes option in Word, so you can see what you’ve done as you go. Turn on Grammar and Spell checks too!

Read a lot of your friend’s essays. I don’t mean you should go hunting for better ideas in your friend’s work – that’s called plagiarism. But looking at many different friends’ approaches can be helpful in finding your own expression, and make you see the argument from many different angles. It is also good to have a look at any exemplar essays your schools might offer you to read.

Practice a lot of different structured questions. You never quite know what a theme-based question might be so practice lots of different questions, and be aware that you may be asked to write an essay in speech, interview, feature article or letter format too.

Online Study. Read reviews or academic essays online. The more familiar with essays you get, the easier you will find it to write them.

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