Theego/SelfFairytaleByNicolyaChristi

In 2009, I wrote a fable about the experience of the wounded ego and itsreaction/responsetothereturnoftheonceexiledSelfreclaimingitskingdom.Itistitled‘Ego/Self:AFairytale’, and even though itwaspublished inbothmybooks - ‘2012:AClarionCall’,whichisnowoutofprint,and ‘ContemporarySpiritualityforanEvolvingWorld-Ifeelitisimportanttoshareithereagain.SUCCINCTOVERVIEW-TheegoisoftenreferredtoastheenemyoftheTrueSelf,yetinrealityitisourmostloyalfriend.Itisviewedinthiswaybecauseitappearstokeepuslocked in illusion, powerlessness,lack, insecurity, self-sabotage and self-destructivepatterns. In the choice to heal ourselves psychologically, historically, ancestrally, andkarmicallywewillencountertheunintegratedego.The ego is concerned with survival and will make all attempts tonegate or destroyanythingthatthreatensitsposition.Yetit’struepurposeisentirelymisunderstood–itisultimatelyheretoserveus.Asinfantsweincarnateaspuresoul,anditisatthistimethatourTrueSelfismostpresent.TheTrueSelf isentirelypure,undefendedandwithaheartthatiswideopen.TheegoemergesatthepointwhentheTrueSelfismetwithanythingotherthanunconditionallove,gentleness,wisdomandgrace,and/orwhentheworld(caregiver/environment)isexperiencedashostile.Itisinearlychildhoodthattheegocomestoourrescue.Theegobecomesa‘warriorshield’,protectingtheTrueSelffromphysical,emotional,mentalandpsychologicalharm/danger.Thisitdoesthroughitsarmoryofdishonesty,deceit,control,manipulation,sabotage, judgment, comparison, insensitivity, hostility, harshness,violence, fundamentalism, shyness, addiction,introversion, extroversion, glamour,bravado,guardedness,attackanddefense.

The ego steps into the role that the Selfwouldhave takenhad it beenable to remainpresentinsteadofhavingtoretreattosafetybecauseofathreateningenvironment.TheSelfwithdrawsandwaits fora timewhen it senses that its immediateenvironment issufficientlyconduciveforitsre-emergence.Thisoftenoccursduringmidorlaterlifebutcansometimestakemanylifetimes.ItisnotnecessaryforthewholeworldtobealignedwiththepurityoftheTrueSelfforthistohappen,asitonlytakesoneormoreofsimilarheartandsoultocallitoutofhiding.YetallthewhiletheTrueSelfisinretreattheegohastakenover.Eventuallyhowever,after erecting layer upon layer of barricades of defense, the ego forgets about theexistence of theTrue Self. Egois instinctual, not intuitive, and will react insteadofrespond. It hasa sophisticated set of strategies that keep it lockedinto survivalmentalityandissetononerigidprograminparticularwhichistosurvive-atallcosts.TheegomistakenlycomestobelievethatitisthekingorqueenoftherealmoftheTrueSelf. Meanwhile, the true regent, the True Self,remains in hiding as protectionagainstwhatitperceivestobetooharshanenvironmentintermsofday-to-daylife.TheTrueSelfispureunconditionalloveandallthatiswholesomeandbalanced,integratedandfair,gentleandwiseandevolvedandenlightenedwithinus.Thisneverchanges,nomatter what takes place inour lives. The fourteenth century philosopher,Paracelsus,shared thatinsideeach one of us is a special piece ofheaven whole andunbroken.Whateverourlifecircumstances,theTrueSelfcanberesurrectedwheneverwefeelreadytoexplore,healandintegratethewoundedego.Theegoisdrivenbyfearandspecializesindefenseandattack.InpsychologicaltermstheegoisregardedastheadaptedselfandtheTrueSelf,theauthenticSelf.Itisthis‘adaptedself’that most people believe themselves to be. Many liveactivelyspiritual/religious/philosophical lives yet continue to remain disconnectedfromtheTrueSelf.Overtimeidentitiesareformedthateitherdenythefactthattheegoevenexists,orconvincepeoplethattheyare“over it”, “healedfromit”or“above it” inregardtoallthatremainsunhealedandunresolvedwithinthem.Suchidentitiesareegoboundandworkagainstconfrontingthedeepestwoundswithinus.Thisisnottosuggestthatwearelessthanspiritualornotintouchwiththemoresublimeaspectsofwhowereallyare.RememberthewisdomquotebyParacelsus:“Insideeachoneofusisaspecialpiece of heaven wholeand unbroken”. That place within us remains true and whole,regardlessofanythingthatmaybefallus.Thefirststeptowardsself-healingistoacknowledgetherolethattheegohasservedinourlivessowecanappreciatehowithasactuallyensuredoursurvival,eveniftheeventswehadtoexperiencecausedusgreatsuffering.TherecomesapointonthepathofhealingwhentheTrueSelfisreadytoemergeanditisthenthattheegobecomesawareofit.In reaction (fear) it begins to devisemany defense strategies. An example of this istheindividualwithaclosedheartwhosuddenlyfallsinlove.TheegoviewsanythingthatwillopentheheartasathreattoitssurvivalandsoimmediatelybeginstodefenditselfagainsttheemergingSelf.Manyapromisingromanticlovehasfallenatthefirsthurdle,orsometimelater,becauseoftheunintegratedego.

As the True Self begins its journey towards actualization it willencounter the ego’sdefenses.Itcanfeelasifthe‘realm’(theperson)isbreakingdownbecauseofthesheerforceofshadowmaterialthatcanarise:Fear,anger,blame,shame,rage,worthlessness,sorrowandpainarejustsomeexamplesofthehumanshadowandthesecanbecomeall-consuming in the early days of self-exploration. With wisdom, openness,insight,awareness, understanding, compassion, empathy andlove, profounddepthsof healingcanbeinvokedthatwillintegratetheshadow(unintegratedego)intothelightoftheTrueSelf.SohowcanwereclaimthesovereignthroneoftheTrueSelf?Ifwelearntodothisforourselves, and then encourage others to do thesame, we can transform a worldthatmirrorstheunintegratedegointoonethatreflectsahealedandintegratedegoandaTrueandAuthenticSelf.

EGO&SELF:AFAIRYTALEConsiderforamomenttheTrueSelfasakingorqueenreturningtoreclaimtheirthrone.Imaginethemanyshadowdefensestheywillencounteralongthecorridorsthatleadtothethroneroomwheretheywillmeettheunintegratedego.Herethefairytaleof‘Ego&Self’unfolds:

EgohasrealizedthatSelfisreturningtoreclaimitskingdom.Infearandpanic,itfranticallybarricadesthethroneroomdoor.SelfarrivesandknocksonthedoorrequestingthatEgorelinquishthethroneandletitin.AdefensiveEgorefusestoopenitandpreparestotakeuparmsreadytofight.ItwilldoanythingtoremaininpowerandtellsthistoSelfthroughthecloseddoor.EgotriestointimidateSelfintosubmissioninthevainhopethatSelfwillscurryawaytoitsplaceofexile.However,SelfridesthestormwhippedupbyEgo.Egofeelspowerlessinthefullpresence of Self and panics further. What will become of it ifSelf succeeds inreclaimingthethrone?Egofearsitwilldie.Itcanseenootheroutcome.Itistooafraidtosurrenderanddoesnotknowwhattodo.Resolutely,Egodigsinitsheelsandrefusestomove:Theyhavereachedanimpasse.Days,weeksandmonthspassbywithSelfeverpresent, andEgo, locked in thethroneroom,withnoresourcestomaintainitspower,becominggraduallyweaker.Egoresolvestodieonthethrone,forsurrenderingtoSelfwillsurelyresultinthisoutcomeanyway.Egopreparesfortheend-thatisuntilSelfthrowsitalifeline.SelfbeginstospeaktoEgoverygentlyandwiththegreatestrespect.Egoisstruckby the compassion and love conveyed in thewords and believesthis to be thekindest voice it has ever heard. Egobegins to feel very, very weary andoverwhelmedbytheexhaustionofalifetime.EgofindsitselfpouringoutitsfearstoSelf,wholistenswithgreatandempathy.

EgofeelsaninexplicablesenseoftrustinSelfaseachoneofitsfearsisvalidated.Egobegins to consider the possibility of opening the throne roomdoor, but,onceagain,isovercomewithfearoftheconsequences.Asmuchasitwantstotrust,foritisso,sotired,Egoisafraid,believingthatSelfwillbetrayit.Egopoursoutthesefears to Self who, with the greatesttenderness and compassion, offers awrittenpromisesealedwithgold,whichstatesthatitslifewillbesafe.SelfslidesthedocumentunderthedoorforEgotoconsider.Egoreadsit,andthennoticesaseparatelettertiedwithagoldenthreadandsoopensit:Itreads:Mydear,dearEgo,Iamsogratefulforfinallyhavingtheopportunitytothankyouforsavingmylife.IrecognizethatwithoutyouIwouldnotbehere,Iwouldnotbealive.YouweretherewhenImostneededprotecting,andeventhoughIhavebeeninexileforalltheseyearsyouensuredthatnoharmwouldcomemyway.Youhaveheldontomykingdomandmanybattlesyouhaveenduredonmybehalf.Iknowyouarebattered and bruised, scarred and weary yet you never deserted me.Thisundertaking has been a great burden for youand took tremendouscourage andstrength.HowcanIeverrepayyou?Whatpricecanbeplacedonapreciouslife?Youhaveservedmesoverywell.Youhavealwaysbeen,andwillalwaysremain,myheroandIknowthateverythingyouhaveeverdonewasultimatelytoprotectme.IamhumbledinyourpresenceforIknowthatyouhavesufferedgreatlyinmyname.Iseethepainandhurtyouhaveendured,andIseethatyourhearthasbeenbroken.Iseetheangerandrageyouhavefeltandreceived.Iseethelossyouhaveborneandthelonelinessyouhaveexperienced.Iseehowyoustoodinthelineoffireformewhenthe firstperceived threat tomylifeoccurredmanymoonsago,andhowyouhaverepeatedlydonesoeversince.Allthatyouhavewithstoodhasbeentopreserveandensure my existence.You have been themost loyal of friends who has neverabandonedme.Youbearthemanyscarsofthetrialsandordealsofthislife.MybelovedEgo, Ihavebeenasleep.Formany,manyyears Iwas lost inexile.Oneday,notsolongago,Iheardthemostpitifulcryofanguish.Iheardavoicescreamoutinthestillofthenight,crying"HelpmeGod,setmefreeasIcannolongerlivelikethis.Iamsolonelyandinsomuchpain,andIamsotired.Releasemefromthissuffering.”ThatanguishedcryawakenedmeanditwasasifIwereresurrected.IfeltmylifeforcereturnasIheardthathauntedcryanditpiercedtheverycoreofmyheart.EverycellofmybeinghearditandIrecognizedthatvoiceasyourown.Inthatmoment,Iknewthatitwasnowmyturntosaveyou,mydearandloyalEgo.Ego,IAmreturningastherulerofmykingdom.IAmasnew.Eventhoughalone,Ihavebeenprotectedforalloftheseyears,andIamunscarredandmyheartiswholeandunbroken.Dear,dearEgo,wouldyoudomethegreathonorofbeingtheoneIturntoforadvice?Letusoncemorebefriends. Ihavenoneedofawoundedegobutgreatneedofahealthyone.Younolongerneedtobelonely,forIamhereasyourfriend.First,youmustrestandheal.Wouldyoutrustmetoguideyoutothepeopleandsituationsthatcanhelpyoutodothis,aswellaslearntoplay,andexperiencejoyandlove?Willyou

rest?Ihavepreparednewroomsforyoutoliveinandabeautifulgardenofpeaceandserenity.Whatsayyou,Ego?EgofelltothefloorheavingwithsobsandsaidtoSelf“Yes,howverygreathasbeenthisburdenandyetnotaburden,butasacredduty.”EgospokeofthewrongithaddoneinSelf’sname;ofthoseithadhurtandhowithadhurtitself.Egohungitsheadinshameafraidthatbytellingthetruthofitsmisdemeanors,Selfwouldabandonit.Therewas amoment’s pause and then Self spoke to Ego in the mostcompassionatevoicesaying:“My dear, dearEgo, I love you unconditionally and deeply understand all youhaveshared.Canyouforgiveyourself?Canyourecognizethatwhatyoudidtootherswasonlyaresultofwhathadbeendonetoyou,andeventhoughthisdoesnotjustifyyouractions,itdoesnotmakeyouunworthy.”Egoreplied,“EvenifIcouldforgivemyselfhowwillthosewhoIhaveharmedforgiveme?WithouttheirforgivenesshowcanItrulyhealandbefree?”Selfreplied-“DearestEgo,youcannotknowthekarmaofthosewhohavecrossedyour path. Perhaps you were a catalyst or a teacher. You mayhave brought anexperienceintoanother’slifetosupportthemtoredresspastmisdemeanors.Thereissomuchthatwedonotknowinthisrealm,whypunishyourself?Ifyoustolefromsomeone, nowgive tosomeone, or to many: You may give of your time or yourresources.Ifyouabusedsomeone,helpthosewhohavebeenabused.Ifyouhavekilledsomeone, help others to live.Redress the balance of the actionsyou regret: Forexample,wherethereisfearbring,unconditionallove.“KnowthisEgo,ALLISFORGIVEN—ALLISFORGIVEABLE.Youneedonlytodeeplyunderstandyouractionstobeabletoforgiveyourselfandsoredresspastmisdeedsandbefree.Thisissomethingyoucandoeveryday:Letitbeajoytodoso.”Egostoodupandwithgreatcourageandashakyhandunlockedandopenedthethroneroomdoor:Theirheartsmetbeforetheireyes,andinunisontheybothstated,“Ihavemissedyoufriend.”Fromthatmomentaharmonious,positive,pureandtruepartnershipbegan.Selftookitsplaceuponthethroneasrulerofitskingdom,withEgo,nowfullyhealed,amostpositiveandtrustedadvisoratitsside.

Remember that before we can fully embody the True Self it is the ego thathelps usthroughthetoughestoftimes.WhenweliveasourTrueSelfwenolongerreact,insteadwerespondfromtheheart, fromourauthenticSelfandasaresultour lives transform.Ultimately whenhealing and integrating the ego we need to first acknowledgeandvalidateitsrole.Theegodeservestobehonoredandrespectednomatterwhathasgone before for it very likely saved our lifewhen itfirst emerged in early childhood;loyallyremainingwithusuntilwewereabletoreclaimthethrone.Like any parent, the ego was doing the best it could at the time. Recognizethat theunintegrated ‘negative’ ego needs to heal and retire. Thepositive and integrated egohowever,isawonderfulcompaniontoaccompanytheTrueSelfonthejourneyoftheSoul.

CopyrightNicolyaChristi2009www.nicolyachristi.love