By Kitana Camarena. When were little all we worried about was who took our crayons, who wanted to...
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Transcript of By Kitana Camarena. When were little all we worried about was who took our crayons, who wanted to...
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MY BIGGEST HEART ACHE
By Kitana Camarena
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When we’re little all we worried about was who took our crayons, who wanted to play tag and who had the best snack. But now its relationships , Trust issues and drama. Maybe one day we’ll all get tired of it.
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…I’ve been having this crush on a boy the entire school year. I met him in P.E class in the beginning of the year. I just knew I had to be with him .
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His eyes were what I loved the most about him, besides how every second he’d make me laugh. But I always thought to Myself, The chances of him ever liking me were “one in a million.”
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February 23rd.That day we hanged out at P.E. The after noon was warm, lunch had just finished with afeW clouds near by but the day still looked amazing. I was smiling so much I felt as if my face was going to break. Eventually our friends got in the way so I just walked away.
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My friends had thought me and him had something going on between us to. Disappointingly I couldn’t say anything was really happening . It was just a day where I’d be lucky enough to just get a hug from him.
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These girls had went ahead and asked him if he atleast liked me back. I thought I had a chance
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My heart couldn’t beat any faster but, When they came back with a big grin on their faces. I felt like they were up to no good. I soon realized when their obnoxious voices screeched out, ‘’ NO, HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU.”
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“ Why didn’t he like me? Was I only good enough as a friend to him? I thought No, I couldn’t be . Well that is not how I thought it was.I thought about him all 6th period. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. I was eager to go home. I practically sprinted my way there, wanting to be locked up in my room away from the rest of the world.
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I wanted to be alone, turning my back on the world just for once. I sat there on my bed thinking .I just had to talk to somebody. So I logged into facebook.
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As his name “Edgar Riovalle Unread” Appeared onto my screen, My heart jumped out too quickly to even let me catch a breath . I clicked so many times on the icon to the point where I think I almost broke the mouse.
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As I read the messege from him my heart beated fast, I couldn’t believe he had the guts to messege me.“ Is it true that you like me?” I wanted to type every thing that I’ve had in my mind but knowing him he’d just write back with an “ okay”.
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Its been five minutes since I sent the messege and now I wish is that he never logs on or just never gets to see the messege. I wanted to think positive but my mind wouldn’t let me.After those long five minutes of waiting he responded back.
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I read the messege and pressed ”send”What were the chances I’d be risking ? What if he just wanted me to know and not do anything about it ? Damn I should’ve never replied with the truth. But maybe he’d be satisfied with the truth, Then again I didn’t want to be hurt with lies.
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I decided to leave the messeging from there. I would have to see him tomarow anyways. That night I thought maybe so , he was worth getting hurt. But if I wanted more luck, I’d have to take more chances and that’s just what I did , well what I wanted myself to do. I’d have to take a chance. I may end up with tears or a broken heart but I knew what I was signing up for from the start.
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There he was standing alone I quickly ignored him, not feeling comfortable knowing he knew how I felt about him. The class period suddenly felt dark and miserable . Why wasn’t he talking to me?, was I really that bad?? I should’ve just stayed away from him… so I tried my best and did.
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The class period was so long and boring. I just wanted the period to end. Every time I would get near him he’d act as if I wasn’t there .I lost all hope. I didn’t even want to look at anybody, My thought have told me to not even care. But my heart didn’t want to agree as my eyes began to fill.
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Suddenly my world around me stopped. My heart jumped out. I was staring into his eyes like a child stares at candy. He was my image of perfection. He was waiting for my response. My heart was beating as if I ran a mile .I was so relieved he asked me, Not just any girl. But me. Now all I had to do was get the right words out of my mouth. His perfection took away my thoughts, I reminded that he was still waiting for my answer.
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22411(
:
WOAH ! Did it really happen? was it just a dream?. My life felt complete with Edgar as my boyfriend . Nothing could’ve wiped the smile off my face. Everything was great more then I could ever ask for.
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After six month I realized how deeply head over heels i was for Edgar. Nothing could’ve changed my mind about him. Yes we have had our ups and downs. Just like any other relationship.He is considered to me “ Everything I ever wanted”
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“love” is what I feel for Edgar, nothing really tore us apart . He was more than the label “ My boyfriend” he was also my best friend.But “ love” wasn’t always so perfect.
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Septemeber meant school and school meant seeing Edgar every weekday. I was happy to see “ The love of my life” every moment that i could. School was amazing the first week, no drama was happening. But of course I’m always wrong.
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Just because of drama he decided to let me go. I felt oceans of tears bulid up inside of me. My image of a perfect relationship with him had shattered. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I wanted to believe that it was a dream... But I wasn’t waking up.
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Hours went on without him bleeding into days, now weeks. I’ve cried more then rivers and oceans of tears but crying wouldn’t bring him back. I quickly realized how different my life was without Edgar, It all felt so new.
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There are those moments where a memory will come to my mind and I’ll cry which is most of the time. Out of Edgar’s and my past relationship I learned many things; I learned about “ love “ and the pain that it may bear. You can never know a person’s truth behind the masks they wear.
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I don’t hate him and I know I never will. Because I cared about him then and I care about him still. Even though how much it hurts I’m trying but I just can’t let him go. One day I’d want him to know how much he hurt me inside and see what I am going through, Let him see that its not easy getting over you.
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And then one day I hope I will wake up and realize that life goes on…With or without him. I’ll try my hardest to forget. This is the end… What more can I say? …I miss him , Edgar…The guy once known as “ My boyfriend”