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Transcript of BUTT Magazine
Dallas based Arts, Krafts, Cats, & Everything Else magazine
March 2009 peachio.com/buttmag
bringing new life to lonely toys Rorys Story
in this issue
Rory gets stuck in a tree and must be rescued!
Cover StoryThe Art of ToysLearn how to turn your scary or cute animal figurines into necklaces or digital patterns.
Message From The Editor I am berry pleased to release the first issue of B.U.T.T. Magazine online!
The most uninteresting and tasteless magazine you will ever come to read. This
magazine stemmed from an idea I had several years ago to create a place to share
happenings in my life and tell stories. My magazine idea suddenly became too over-
whelming and I never quite finished or put it together to be printed. I decided to try a
different approach and make an online magazine instead.
I must note that it has taken me quite some time to finally get everyhing together. For
this reason, this edition (my first edition) which should have been released last year in
Feb. 2009 is finally being released over a year later. Portions of this magazine will be
slightly out of date. I hope to release another edition by the end of the year or early
next year which will hopefully be more organized.
You can download this magazine through my website at:
peachio.com/buttmag Thank you for reading!
I dont know my URL
but most of you already know
how to reach me on there.
Special thanks to Lolo for writing
about the X-Men Dvds in News Bits
R.I.P. Mulder Muna Guna Gomez This magazine is dedicated to my one and only Muna.
Features01 Story of Rory
One cats crazy tree adventure and rescue.
05 Kreepshow Featuring .virus.
06 Terrible Treats Toxic Cupcakes
13 Pooptone Pooptones tribute.
15 The Critters Encounters with interesting and scary creatures.
18 News Bits Past-due News March 2009 Edition
BUTT Brutally Uninteresting.TotallyTasteless.
The Story of Rory
One cats journey in a tree.
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30 | Art Atakk
It was an ordinary day, or so I thought. As I tended to my cats outside I heard a loud meow. Right away I knew the meow came from Rory, my sister Dees cat. I called out for Rory and he did not come. I suspected something was wrong because normally he comes running right away. I couldnt directly run to the source of the meow as one might imagine. Our street is under construction and our back gate was locked so I had to race to the front door to even cross the street. I traced the meow to the old Juvenile Hall building across the street. As I ap-proached, the meow did not grow louder because no matter where I was standing the meoww was the same. I started to think Rory had a small cat microphone with him that he was using the whole time. I looked around for Rory but did not find him. Finally I looked up and saw him in a tree, standing on one of the branches. I yelled to Rory to come down but he only rubbed his head all over the branch and continued to meow. I told Rory to hold on while I went to go grab a board that I could lean against the tree so that he could slide down. The board was not very effective. After about 30 minutes had passed and me pleading with Rory to come down, my dad came to assist in the rescue efforts. He brought over this long stick that he used to poke Rory with. On the opposite side of the stick was what appeared to be a small scythe. He was hoping that he could push Rory on a thinner branch and then once he was there he would cut the branch off and Rory would drop down. Clearly this did not work.
My dad and I were growing tired and weak. We finally decided we needed to bring the ladder, which we had all along. We were both too lazy to bring it. I ran and grabbed my camera on the way to getting the lad-der to snap some pictures of Rorys adventure to share with my sister when she got home. I was sure she wouldnt believe me. Finally my dad helped me get the ladder into position and my worst dreams were realized at that point. I was going to have to climb the ladder because my dad hates cats. I knew it was going to be up to me to save Rory. I nervously climbed up the ladder and was able to reach Rory. I grabbed him and we fought for a brief moment and finally he was safely in my arms. Moments later, I extended my arm as far as I could to drop him down while I climbed down this ghetto ladder. The best part about the day was that Rory walked me back to the house and helped me cross the street. He is doing just fine now but wants to buy a small jumpsuit in case anything like that happens again.
I started to think Rory had a small cat microphone with him that he was using the whole time.
Cats do scream.
Cats will use cat micro-phones to send distress signals.
Cats will then hide these microphones under-neath their coats.C
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The giant tree Rory was stuck in.
Safe at last!What better meal could Rory have than cat-food and rocks.
My sister recently bought vanilla cake mix and strawberry icing to bake a cake. I decided to make cupcakes since we did not have a cake pan. I made about 24 cupcakes total. I was pleasantly surprised to find one of my cup-cakes grew its own DNA molecules while baking in the oven to form itself into a tongue. I was surprised that I mixed the correct amount of ingredients into the vanilla batter to make the hue of a ripe tongue.
Always use Halloween cups when baking cupcakes for best results.
Now you can take part in monster DNA Replication and bake at the same time!
During this still shot of Virus (Becca), her eyelid fought with itself in a struggle to be open and closed at the same time. The result was a seductive picture which resembles Becca in mutant form. The exact cause of this oddity can not be explained.
After conducting several unsuccessful tests using my own eyes to produce this same picture, I have concluded that Beccas eyelids are detachable prosthetics.
The eyelids became detached from her bone structure and in the moment that this picture was taken they were in the process of falling off completely. I have advised Becca about Aleenes Clear Gel Tacky Glue which costs $1.89 at Walmart. I instructed her to place a fair amount of this where her eyelids are to be placed and lay down while she allows the glue to dry.
This picture was sent to me a few days later from an unknown transmission. The signal did not appear to be of human origin.
After several weeks of decoding the origins of the image, I have determined this picture was sent to me from the Atlantic Ocean.
Becca may have been abducted by an Unidentified Sub-merged Object which has used the energy of the Earth to suck Becca from her home to inside this submersible to live with her own species. This picture indicates the freeze of time in space where Beccas body stood still on land and the moment it will flow with the water.
Mix an unknown amount of non-alcohol-ic strawberry drink mix (for alcoholic bever-ages) into already mixed vanilla cake mix.
Add an unknown amount of burgandy food coloring.
Add an unknown amount of red food coloring.
Add an unknown amount of orange food coloring.
Poor batter into cupcake cup (already inserted in pan). Drape a scoop of batter over the edge (only 1 side!)
Bake and discard. DO NOT EAT.
CONCLUSION: MYSTERY SOLVED AND REMEDIED.
CONCLUSION: MYSTERY EXPLAINED.
Demented Decorations In DetailLiving and Nonliving
Subject: Beccas alien eyes.
Do you have your own X-File that you wish to expose? Please get in touch with us.
terribletreatsHOW NOT TO MAKE CUPCAKES: The making of a Tongue Cupcake
HERES HOW I DID IT:
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The best way to play with a toy
dinosaur is to wear it. BUTT | 20
I didnt realize I could turn almost any small animal figu-rine in a necklace until I was 24 years old. At least I found out now before I turned 25 in May.
Last year when I came back from one of my trips with Lolo down to San Antonio my sister Dee surprised us each with an animal necklace attached on a hemp string with a couple of pony beads on it. She bought them for us from a lady in Oklahoma. My necklaces had a Rhino and Lolos a tiger. It wasnt until the following year that I actually went to look
for the supplies that I needed to make my own animal necklaces. I collect small animal figurines so I thought it would be easy to get started. I had no idea it would take me weeks to finally get started. Im going to explain the most cost effective way to build these cute necklaces and tips on how to do it.
These necklaces can be worn by girls and boys. Any small toy can be used but preferably those toys that are very strong gummy-like plastic. If the toy is hard plastic they wont work with this particular method.
Collect the following materials
and lets get started!
Materials Strong plastic animal figurines Colored Bead Cord, String or Yarn
Eye Hooks (Extra Small)
Tools: Awl & Hammer
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Start with locating the fish eye hooks. It was hard to explain what I was looking for at first until I learned what these little hooks were called. I described them as cup hooks but its a full loop. Strange how people actu-ally understoo