BUMBLERS, MARTINETS, AND PROS

The playwright George Bernard Shaw provided us with the memorable definition, “Those

who can do. Those who can't teach.” The film director Woody Allen took the definition one

step farther, “Those who can't teach, teach phys ed.” At one time or another, most of us have

suffered these truisms. We've all encountered teachers who fit Shaw's definition, as well as

some who manage to do their jobs successfully, even cheerfully. Overall, most teachers fit into

one of three categories: Bumblers, Martinets, and Pros.

Every student gets a Bumbler at least once. She's the teacher who trips over the doorjamb

as she makes her first entrance. She looks permanently flustered, can't find her lesson plan, and

dithers as she scrambles through her mess of books and papers. The Bumbler can't handle the

simplest educational technologies: chalk self-destructs in her fingers, overhead projectors blow

up at her touch, and filmstrips snap if she so much as looks in their direction. Organization isn't

Ms. Bumbler's strong point, either. She drifts off in mid-sentence, eyes focused dreamily out the

window. Students can easily derail her with off-topic questions. She'll forget to collect

assignments or to give the test that everyone has studied for. The Bumbler is an amiable sort, but

her mind is on a perpetual boat to nowhere. Students can learn in her class, but only if they are

willing to take a great deal of initiative.

The Martinet is a harsh contrast to the Bumbler. Martinet was the name of a seventeenth-

century French general who invented a particularly nasty system of military drill. Thus, the word

itself has come to mean a srict disciplinarian, a stickler for the rules, a tough “drill sergeant.” As

a teacher, the Martinet is an uptight, rigid authoritrian who sends shivers down students' spines.

He rarely smiles, certainly not during the first month. His voice is harsh, biting, and he

specializes in the barbed response and the humiliating putdown. His classes unfold in a precise

and boring manner. Each minute is accounted for, as he scouts the room for any disruptive or

slumbering captive to be brought to heel. He tolerates no searching questions or interesting

digressions. His assignments are lengthy and tedious; his tests are notoriously fearsome. Instead

of the critical inquiry ino ideas, rote learning takes place in the Martinet's classroom. And it

takes place at the expense of the patience and self-esteem of his students.

Unlike the Martinet, the Professional creates a friendly, challenging classroom. Every once in

a while, a student is blessed with the teacher who can be described as a Professional. The Pro is

characterized by a genuine liking and respect for students and is motivated by enthusiasm for the

subject matter. This teacher is organized enough to present lessons clearly, but not so hidebound

as to cut off questions or the occasional excursion along an interesting sideroad of learning. The

Pro's classroom is relaxed, friendly, yet stimulating enough to keep students concentrating on the

task at hand. Assignments are designed to enhance learning; test are rigorous but fair. Landing

in the Pro's class is a stroke of luck. Such a teacher is a gift, for the Pro imparts the desire and

ability to learn to the students he or she encounters.

These characterizations of the Bumbler, the Martinet, and the Pro are, of course, extreme

portraits of some of the worst and best qualities a teacher can possess. Indeed, some teachers, in

Jekyll-and-Hyde fashion, display characteristics of two or more types,sometimes in a single class

period! In an ideal world and a perfect course, the student would be given a choice of instructors,

and the Pro is the best bet!