Bullying

Facilitated by Lori ZierlPierce County UW-Extension

Family Living Agent

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ObjectivesParticipants will:

Understand the harmful effects bullying has on the development of large numbers of children

Be able to distinguish between normal conflict & bullying, teasing & taunting, play fighting & real aggression, flirting & sexual harassment

Learn how to respond to bullies, victims and bystanders in helpful ways

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DefinitionsA person is being bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed, repeatedly, and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more persons. (Olweus, 1991)

Bullying is a conscious, willful, and deliberate hostile activity intended to harm, induce fear through the threat of further aggression, and create terror. (Coloroso, 2003)

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Four Markers of Bullying

An imbalance of power

Intent to harm

Repeated over time

Terror

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Contempt

Bullying is not about anger, it is about contempt

Allows kids to harm others without feeling empathy, compassion, or shame.

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Contempt (continued)

A sense of entitlement

An intolerance toward differences

A liberty to exclude

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Types of Bullying

Verbal

Physical

Relational

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Verbal Bullying

Quick and painless for the bully

Extremely harmful to the target

Becomes normalized and the target dehumanized

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Physical Violence

Accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying

Most likely to move on to more serious criminal offenses

Most troubled of all bullies

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Relational Bullying

Most difficult to detect

Most powerful in the middle years

Used to alienate and reject a peer or to purposefully ruin friendships

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Family Risk Factors for Bullying

Lack of warmth and parental involvement

Overly-permissive parenting (lack of limits)

Lack of supervision by parents

Harsh and inconsistent disciplinary practices

A model for bullying behavior

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Normal Conflict is Not Bullying

Characteristics of normal peer conflict vary with age and development levels

Normal conflict includes:TeasingArguingConcerns related to rules and fairness

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Teasing Is Not Taunting

Teasing is a fun thing you do with friends

Taunting is a choice to bully someone for whom you have contempt

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Teasing

Teaser and person teased easily swap roles

Innocent in motive

Not intended to hurt the other person

Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing

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Taunting

Imbalance of power

Intended to harm

Sinister in motive

Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning comments disguised as jokes

Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects

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Bullying Versus Play Fighting

Facial expressions

Free to participate versus forced or challenged

Full force

Alternating versus unilateral roles

Stay together vs. separate

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Flirting vs. Sexual Harassment

FlirtingReciprocal; goes both waysFlattering or complimentary; not demeaningBoosts self-esteem; makes you feel good/special

Sexual HarassmentUnwanted and one-sidedDegrading and disrespectfulReceiver feels powerlessReceiver feels humiliated or embarrassed

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What About?

CliquesHazingRacist bullyingGangsCyber bullying

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Effects of Bullying on Perpetrators Themselves

More court convictions & jail time

Commit more serious crimes

More driving offenses & drunk driving

More alcoholism & mental health problems

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Dealing With BulliesNurture empathy

Teach friendship skills

Use non-violent discipline

Intervene immediately with discipline

Create opportunities to “do good”

Teach socially acceptable behaviors

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The Bullied

The one thing that all kids who are bullied have in common is that they were targeted by a bully

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Warning Signs of Being Bullied

Lack of interest in or refusal to go to school

Drop in grades

Withdraws from family and school activities

Plays alone or prefers to hang out with adults

Makes beeline to bathroom when arriving home

Stops talking about peers and everyday activities

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Four Antidotes to Bullying

Strong sense of self

Being a friend

Having at least one good friend

Being able to successfully get into a group

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Effective Group Entry Strategies

Teach them to:

Observe the group and ask questions

Manage their hurt feelings

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Why Kids Don’t TellAshamed of being bulliedAfraid of retaliationDon’t think anyone can help themDon’t think anyone will help themHave learned that “ratting” on a peer is bad

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Telling Is Not Tattling

Tattling – if it will only get another child in trouble

Telling – if it will get you or another child out of trouble

If it is both, I need to know (Coloroso)

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If Your Child Is BulliedDon’t minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully’s behavior

Don’t rush to solve the problem for your child

Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully

Don’t tell your child to fight back

Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone

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If Your Child Is Bullied

Reassure them it is not their fault

There are things you can do:Help them develop new friendshipsTeach them to be confidentTeach them to be assertive

Report the bullying to school personnel

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How To ReportArrange a meeting with school personnel

Bring the facts in writing

Develop a plan

Find out what procedures the bully will be going through

If problem is not addressed adequately, take to school board or police

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Bystanders

Anyone who knows that bullying is happening

“There are no innocent bystanders”Author William Burroughs

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The Bullying Circle by Dan Olweus. PhD

Bullies

Followers/Henchmen

Supporters/Passive Bullies

Passive Supporters/Possible Bullies

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The Bullying Circle (Continued)

Disengaged Onlookers

Possible Defenders

Defenders of the Target

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Reasons For Not Intervening

Afraid of getting hurt himselfAfraid of becoming a new targetAfraid of doing something that will only make the situation worseDoes not know what to do

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Changing Bystander Behavior

Promote the development of empathy

Improve recognition of bullying

Teach children strategies they can use to be helpful

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Caring Schools

Gather information

Establish clear rules about bullying

Train all adults

Provide adequate adult supervision

Improve parental awareness

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Criminal Justice System

Statutory lawsConsidered illegal based upon age of offenderDeveloped to protect youth against themselves and society against their immature judgment

No statutory protections for youth that are bullied

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SummaryThere are clear harmful effects from bullying on the development of large numbers of children

Bullying has a devastating impact on children’s ability to focus on academics at school

Bullying is a serious problem for school-age children and one for which they receive limited adult help

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Summary (Continued)

Bullying is a complex, distressing problem for children that requires intervention on multiple levels.

There are strategies to decrease bullying at the individual child, peer group, and school-wide levels

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ResourcesThe Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School-How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence Barbara Coloroso, 2003

Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can DoDan Olweus, 1993

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Resources (Continued)

Sticks and Stones: Changing the Dynamics of Bullying and Youth ViolenceKatherine Kocs, 1999

Steps to Respect: A Bullying Prevention Program (800-634-4449)

www.cfchildren.org/strres.html

Stop Bullying Now.www.StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov

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Lori ZierlFamily Living Agent

UW-Extension Pierce CountyPierce County Office Building412 West Kinne Street, P.O. Box 69Ellsworth, WI 54011-0069715-273-3531, ext. 6663

University of Wisconsin-Extension, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture and Wisconsin counties cooperating. UW-Extension provides equal

opportunities in employment and programming, including Title IX and ADA.