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Hi Elena, Welcome to Lesson #1 of your Bully Free at Work E-Course :

By Valerie Cade=========================================================

Did you know researc on !ullyin" tells us t at 50% of all em loyees are affected !yt is destructi$e !e a$iour% &o lease don't feel !ad or t ink (w at's wron" witme%( !ecause it a ens a lot more t an you mi" t t ink) *lso, know +'m ere to

el you t rou" t is tou" time, as +'$e "one t rou" !ein" !ullied at work myself) +'$e de$elo ed a $ery effecti$e means to o$ercomin" work lace !ullyin" t at + wantto s are wit you !ecause + know w at it's like) ee in mind, "ettin" educated isyour first ste , so make sure to take t e time to do t at)

&econd ste is !uildin" confidence, and t e t ird is to decide w at to do- t is coursewill "i$e you t e foundation to "et started) *nd if you a$e any .uestions a!out anyt in" wit in my (Bully /ree at Work E0Course( lease email me and + will "et !ack to you as soon as + can)Let's !e"in learnin" t e foundational ieces t at we will !uild u on as t e lessons

ro"ress)))

Lesson 1: What Is Workplace Bullying?

* youn"ster w o surrenders is lunc money to anot er c ild's t reats, and anem loyee w o is u!licly and continually demeaned !y is !oss may !ot !ee eriencin" t e same enomenon: !ullyin")

W ile t e term (!ullyin"( is often associated wit c ildren, it is $ery common to seet e same ty e of !e a$iour in a work settin") Here are some startlin" facts a!outwork lace !ullyin" t at you may not know:

0Did you also know t at t e $ast ma2ority 34156 of all !ullies are !osses and t atmales and females are likely to !e !ot !ullies and tar"ets e.ually%

0Did you know of all t ose !ullied, a ro imately 78 ercent are men and 78 ercentare women%

0*nd lastly did you know sli" tly more t an alf of all !ullies 379 ercent6 are womenand alf of all !ullyin" is done !y women a"ainst ot er women%

What, then, is Workplace Bullying? Work lace Bullyin" is repeated, deliberate, disrespectful beha iour, w ic

arms t e tar"et, !y one or more eo le toward anot er for t eir own "ratification)

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+ know t at's a !i" sentence so let's look more closely at t at definition so we can"et a clearer understandin" to"et er) !irst, t e !e a$iour t at t e !ully uses is deli!erate) e !ully intends to urt is or

er tar"et and is $ery focused, re eatedly attackin" t e same erson) +t is re0meditated and desi"ned)

"econd, t e !e a$iour consists of a""ressi$e action, suc as umiliation,intimidation and underminin" or assi$e0a""ressi$e actions) &ince assi$ea""ressi$e actions are arder to detect ere are some e am les:

0;e eatedly sc edulin" sur rise meetin"s to catc t e tar"et off0!ase)

0;e eatedly i"norin" t e tar"et in a meetin", w ile acknowled"in" ot ers)

0;e eatedly layin" off t e tar"et a"ainst one or more ot er em loyees) <ou'll see from t e oints a!o$e t at we define !ullyin" !e a$iour as re eated) ne

t in" t at + would like to !e clear on is not all ne"ati$e work lace !e a$ior is!ullyin") ;andom actions, alt ou" urtful, are not necessarily !ullyin"- !ut would !e morea ro riately la!elled as difficult !e a$iour) >eo le can !e un a y wit t eir 2o! or

a$e a control issue and !ecome urtful to fellow em loyees)

ey mi" t s ew t eir frustration on w ome$er is in ran"e, and er a s re"ret itlater on) +f confronted wit t eir s ortcomin"s, t ey may acknowled"e t at t eyo$erreacted and may e$en a olo"i?e if confronted) +n t ese scenarios, t ey are attem tin" to co e to a$e t eir own needs met, rat ert an s ecifically and deli!erately tar"etin" anot er erson at t e ot er erson's

e ense)

#hird, you will notice t at we use t e word tar"et rat er t an $ictim) Victim im liest at t e erson !ein" !ullied is less owerful t an t e !ully) We !elie$e t at t e!ully's tar"et as ower00t ey 2ust may not know ow to use it)))yet)

* fourth element in t e definition is t e !ully's "ratification00w at e or s e "ainsfrom is or er !ullyin" !e a$iour) Bullies are !asically insecure eo le w o need tocon$ince t emsel$es re"ularly t at t ey are stron"er t an ot ers in order to ro ut eir wo!!ly self0ima"e)

ey do t is !y tar"etin" someone t ey !elie$e t ey can o$er ower, "ainin"leasure from winnin" at someone else's e ense)

oday's messa"e was an im ortant one in t at you'$e learned w at work lace

!ullyin" is, so you can identify it more easily)

How se$erely are you !ein" !ullied at work% + was s ocked w en + found out owmuc + was in denial re"ardin" my own !ullyin" situation) +n fact, t is ne t ste ist e !i""est eye o ener our readers re ort) ake our self test tomorrow in Lesson $:

re &ou Being Bullied at Work?

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Con"ratulations@ <ou'$e made it t rou" t e first ste @ ee "oin")))you are wort it)&incerely,

Valerie Cade, Work lace Bullyin" E ert, & eaker, and *ut or of Bully /ree at Work

www) owto a$ea!ullyfreework lace)comAinde 0a) tmlinfo !ullyfreeatwork)com =============================================================== >lease remem!er to add: info !ullyfreeatwork)com ))to your contacts list so your first editiondoesn't find it's way into t e 2unk or deleted !o !y accident@ >lease do not re ly to t is messa"e) +t is sent t rou" anautomated system and will not !e recei$ed)

+f you no lon"er wis to recei$e e0mail from Valerie Cade andHowto a$ea!ullyfreework lace)com lease $isit t e ;L at t e!ottom of t is email)

r, if you would refer to unsu!scri!e $ia ostal mail,lease contact us at t e address ro$ided !elow)

Dear Elena,

Here is t e t ird instalment of t e Bully Free at Work E-Course t at we talkeda!out yesterday: yt s ;ealities *!out t e Work lace Bully) Let's "et to it)))

By Valerie Cade=========================================================

'yths ( )ealities bout the Workplace Bully W ile most of us don't s end muc time t inkin" a!out ow to make anot er

erson's life misera!le, !ullies do)

+f you're !ein" !ullied in t e work lace, or know someone w o is, you may a$etried to com re end, (W at makes a erson a !ully%(

nowin" w y !ullies act as t ey do can !e el ful in understandin" t at t e reasonresides wit t em, not you) Fust reco"ni?in" t is can !e"in t e rocess of freein"yourself from takin" t is ersonally)

Howe$er, don't let yourself "et too cau" t u in sym at y) nderstandin" t e trut s

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a!out w y !ullies act as t ey do can "i$e you t e u er and in andlin" t e !ully,wit out a$in" to "i$e your ower away) Here are some myt s and realities a!out w y eo le !ully:

'yth: Bullies feel su erior to t eir tar"ets) ey !elie$e t ey are !etter, smarter or

more attracti$e t an t eir tar"et)

)eality: e trut is t at !ullies feel inferior to t eir tar"ets and often to ot ers int e work lace 3+ know t is is confusin" !ut it's true6)

ften, !ullies a$e !een !ullied t emsel$es) *s a result, t eir le$el of self0wort is solow t at t ey s ut down t eir feelin"s lon" a"o in order to sur$i$e) W y% Due to a$ery ainful re$ious e erience, t ey $owed to ne$er !e urt a"ain !y sto in"t eir a!ility to feel)

& uttin" down t eir feelin"s also includes t e ina!ility to naturally a$e em at eticfeelin"s of concern for ot ers) Bullies do not know ow to a$e a carin" relations i

wit anyone, includin" t emsel$es@ &ur risin"ly enou" , !ullies often see t eir tar"et as a$in" stren"t s t at t eywant) Guiet self0confidence, an a!ility to "et alon" wit ot ers, kindness and"enerosity00all t ese .ualities may !e ri?ed !y a !ully) W ile it's ard for t e tar"et to !elie$e, t e !ully is often tryin" to "ain t e tar"et's

ositi$e attri!utes for im or erself) Bullies are una!le to com re end ow to createt is for t emsel$es wit out stealin" it from ot ers)

'yth: Bullies work on t e frin"e of t e work lace culture !ecause t eir !ullyin"!e a$iour is unacce ta!le) )eality: any laces of work consciously or unconsciously endorse, er a s e$enencoura"e, !ullyin" !e a$ior) +n fact !ullies fre.uently "et romoted or t ey areoften not dealt wit directly, as t e work lace culture does not know ow to addresssuc !e a$iour)

ink of t e work lace t at laces a i" remium on ("ettin" t e 2o! done, nomatter ow lon" we a$e to stay ere,( or encoura"es workers to continuallysu!ordinate family to work) W at a!out t e work lace t at says it ($aluescoo eration,( !ut actually rewards com etition% How a!out t e work lace w ere teamwork is $alued !ut w ere one indi$idual seemsto tar"et anot er 2ust to "ain t e u er and% Work lace cultures in t is osition

are often timid and i"nore t ese situations t inkin" t ey'll eit er disa ear or (itreally isn't t at !ad)(

ese are all e am les of work situations in w ic !ullies t ri$e) +n t eseen$ironments, !ullies can indul"e t eir worst !e a$ior00findin" fault, settin"unrealistic "oals and e$en a""ression00and "et away wit it)

e cra?y t in" is t at mana"ement may !e wary of standin" u to t e !ully for fearof losin" t e !ully's erformance, not knowin" t at it's not an eit erAor situation) e

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oint t at com anies miss is t at i" erformance work laces can e istsym!iotically wit !ully0free en$ironments) 'yth: (+f + try arder, or !e nicer, + can "et t e !ully to c an"e)(

)eality: * tar"et's first duty is to reali?e t e !ullyin" !e a$ior for w at it is) e

!ully as a low self ima"e, and t is as not in" to do wit t e tar"et)

nderstandin" t is fact and refusin" to take t e !e a$ior ersonally can !e difficult,!ut once a tar"et acce ts t is, t ey can mo$e to (!ully roofin"( t emsel$es so t att e effects of t e !ullyin" are not felt as se$erely)

e !ottom line is t at !ullies need to control ot ers) W ere t e a$era"e ersonfinds satisfaction in "ettin" a 2o! done, !ullies try to seek ower for t eir own sake)+n my !ook, Bully /ree at Work we talk a!out t e im ortance of reco"ni?in" t at youare !ein" !ullied for t is reason) is can !e a most owerful reali?ation t at candecrease t e stress le$el for a tar"et immensely)

ot in" you can do will lease t e !ully so start !y !ully roofin" yourself) Bullyin"says more a!out !ullies and t eir s ortcomin"s t an a!out you and yourinade.uacies) *"ain it's im ortant to remem!er t is, !ecause remem!er t e !ullyactually co$ets traits t at you a$e@

oday we'$e "one t rou" some im ortant myt s and realities of work lace !ullyin"so you can a ly t is awareness to your indi$idual situation in order to "ain anem owerin" ers ecti$e) *"ain, lease if you a$e .uestions or concerns leaseemail us and we will res ond as soon as ossi!le)

o di" e$en dee er and disco$er all t e myt s and realities a!out work lace !ullyin"wit our definiti$e work lace !ullyin" resource, click ere )

Don't miss tomorrow's messa"e !ecause it's one of t e most im ortant ones, if nott e most im ortant: Lesson *: Insulted in +ublic? n-ask the Bully. +t "oeso$er t e actual comments and lan"ua"e to use w en dealin" wit a !ully attack@

ntil tomorrow, !e well) We'll tackle t e ne t ste to"et er and really del$e into t eri" t t in"s to say and ow to say t em) &incerely,

Valerie CadeDear Elena,

Welcome !ack to t e It lesson of t e Bully Free at Work E-Course ) oday andtomorrow's lessons are t e fun ones !ecause we really "et to arm and defendoursel$es) Here is lesson I))))

By Valerie Cade=========================================================

Insulted in +ublic? n-ask the Bully.

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/or !ullies, e$ery day is Halloween) at is, !ullies wear masks) ey fear e osin"t eir inner weakness) <ou can use t is trait to your ad$anta"e w en a !ully insults orcritici?es you in front of ot ers) +t's called unmaskin" t e !ully) Here's ow:

0 ake a dee !reat and allow yourself time to rocess t e comment) ;eco"ni?e t e

insult for w at it is00and is not) +t is not a constructi$e su""estion for c an"e) +t is a!ully's c allen"e, and attem t for control) +t is desi"ned to em!arrass you)

0Ji$e yourself time to .uiet your natural desire to defend yourself) Defensi$enessuts you in a weaker osition) +nstead, allow silence to form around t e !ully's

words) <ou don't a$e to feel like you must to res ond ri" t away)

0<ou can e eriment !y askin" t e !ully direct .uestions, suc as (W at s ecificallymakes you t ink t at%( (How do you see t at .uality in my action%( is uts t eonus on t e !ully to res ond) &ince t ere's likely to !e little data or !ack u tosu ort t eir ori"inal comment, t e !ully may a$e to !ack down) ote also 0 t ey'llcome !ack wit "eneral accusations w ic old no water to your s ecific .uestion)

0 se t e (!roken record tec ni.ue,( t at is, re eat your .uestions until t e !ullyres onds) &tatin" your .uestion firmly and wit confidence is $ery key) ere'snot in" a !ully fears more t an !ein" unmasked) W en you remain calm, in controland ask .uestions, you're likely to e ose t e !ully's weakness00w ic is er a!ilityto t ink clearly and su ort er conclusions)

Confrontin" a !ully's criticism in u!lic takes self0control and ractice) W en you'reready, try anot er strate"y:

0;e eat t e attack in your own words 3 ara rase6 and ask, (+s t is w at youmean%( /or e am le, su ose t e !ully says, ( ese weak sales fi"ures are yourfault)( *fter you reco"ni?e t e insult as !ullyin" and allow silence 3see num!ers oneand two a!o$e6, say, (*re you sayin" t at + alone am res onsi!le for a fi$e ercentdro in sales in t e first .uarter%(

0*sk t e !ully to tell you s ecifically w at you did and ask for a ossi!le solution, fore am le, (Can you !e more s ecific)))%(

0+f t e !ully ersists wit anot er ( el ful( su""estion or attack, clearly state a"ainw at you're willin" to do and end t e con$ersation) /or e am le, (+'ll take yoursu""estion and follow u wit you Kin a s ecific time eriod ) Let's mo$e on)(

0*not er way to deflect and unmask t e !ully is to a$e a s ort one line rase youcan deli$er suc as (interestin",( (o (, or (t at sounds like a ut down to me)( en,and t is is im ortant)))walk away, e it) Ha$e somew ere to "o) By you lea$in",you're in control) +f you cannot 3lea$e yet6 t en !e t e first to lea$e w en you can)

W en you stand u to t e !ully and unmask er, you are actin" not only for yourself!ut for ot ers, w o know t ey may !e t e ne t ones sin"led out) ost eo le wantto s end t eir time workin", not dealin" wit a work lace !ully) nce you a$eesta!lis ed t at you can old your own in t e face of a !ully's criticism, ot ers mayside wit you)

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ake sure t at Halloween is a art of your office cele!ration only once a year) ryuttin" t ese tools to use so you can unmask t e !ully)

any eo le ask us if t ere is a ste !y ste "uide t at can lead me t rou" !ein"!ullied and come out on t e ot er side feelin" like my normal self a"ain) ;eadt rou" t is awareness iece to learn more: click ere )

ow t at you'$e learned some owerful yet sim le ways to deflect t e !ully'scomments, you're ready for t e final lesson: +art 5: Be +repared to /andle theBully ) is teac es you more i" ly effecti$e res onses to !ullyin" attacks) <ou'realmost t ere@

ee "ettin" educated)))t is is t e first ste to "ainin" !ack t e di"nity you deser$e)

Valerie Cade, Work lace Bullyin" E ert, & eaker, and *ut or of Bully /ree at Work

www) owto a$ea!ullyfreework lace)comAinde 0d) tmlinfo !ullyfreeatwork)com Dear Elena,

Welcome to t e 7t and final lesson of t e Bully Free at Work E-Course ) Wit outfurt er delay let's "et into more effecti$e defences a"ainst !ullyin" attacks)))

By Valerie Cade=========================================================

Be +repared to /andle the Bully:

+f you a$e e erienced !ein" a !ully's tar"et, you know ow difficult it is to res ondto a !ully's criticism)

*s you ro!a!ly know your first res onse isn't necessarily your !est one) <ou may !emore emotional t an you want to !e, or you may not a$e all t e facts you want infront of you to ade.uately res ond) +nstead of tryin" to craft a res onse w en you're on t e s ot, w y not carry !ully0

roof insurance% W ile you can't !uy it, you can learn some res onses to a !ully'sremarks t at offer you some !reat in" room, muc like car insurance "i$es a dri$era financial cus ion)

<our !ully roof insurance comes in t ree arts)

0+art one: E ect an attack)0+art t o: now some ready0made res onses)0+art three: >ractice your res onses a ead of time !efore t e ressure is on)

+art ne: 23pect an ttack

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*s you a$e most likely witnessed, !ullies are "ood at mani ulatin" relations i s)ey can !e c armin" for aw ile00t en t ey strike you w en you let your "uard

down) We need to reco"ni?e t e !ully for w o e or s e is) E ect t e !ully to attackand *B; 3*lways Be ;eady6)

;emem!er, t e !ully only as is own interests at eart) He's not interested in arelations i of e.uals) He wants ower)

W en you acce t a rationali?ation for is !e a$ior or "et emotional and ar"ue witim, e as won) +nstead of e cusin" is !e a$ior or allowin" im to en"a"e you,

mo$e onto art two) +art # o: 4no "o-e Bully +roof )esponses

ry to train yourself to listen critically to a !ully) W en you ear t e words of is orer attack0usually couc ed as criticism, !lame or self02ustification0t en fall !ack on

your res onse) Very sim ly, e cuse yourself wit one of t e followin" !ully0 roof

res onses and walk away) 0E cuse me, + a$e a meetin" to "o to) 0+ a$e somet in" + a$e to attend to) +'ll "et !ack wit you later) 0>ardon me, + was 2ust eadin" out) Can we talk tomorrow% 0Let's talk later 3t is afternoon6) + a$e somet in" t at can't wait) 03non0defensi$ely6 Do you t ink so% ay!e you're ri" t) 0+ don't a"ree, !ut +'m sure we can talk a!out t is anot er time)

0+ a$e to "o) +f you lea$e it u to c ance, it's likely t at you'll fall into t e !ully's tra ) at is,you'll take t e !ully on !efore you're ready !ecause it's natural to res ond to acomment or .uestion wit an answer)

ot res ondin" to directly !ut reflectin" a !ully's comments is your key to !ullyroofin" yourself) ;esist t e need to !e understood, acce ted, liked or raised)))it

won't a en from a !ully and it's not your fault)

+art 6: +ractice your responses ahead of ti-e before the pressure is on7

*t letes know t at t e key to !ein" ready is ractice, ractice, ractice) <ou can alsoado t t at strate"y w en dealin" wit a !ully) Here's ow: 0Decide on your !ully0 roof res onses, t e ones you'll find easiest to say) C ooseones from t e list a!o$e or in$ent your own) 0+ma"ine a situation in w ic t e !ully attacks) &ay your res onse out loud)

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0;e eat wit anot er situation) *"ain, say your res onse out loud) 0Write out t e res onse fi$e times) 0>ractice e$ery day)

<our "oal ere is to make t e res onse automatic so t at you don't a$e to t inka!out it, 2ust comes naturally) is is one time t at t inkin" will "et you in trou!le)+nstead, you want to res ond !efore you t ink)

*fter you a$e ad a c ance to cool off, you can a roac t e !ully) is way youare calm and can deal wit t e !ully's com laint) ow you a$e t e u er and andyour !ully0 roof insurance as aid off@

Con"ratulations@ <ou a$e 2ust com leted t e Bully Free at Work E-Course andyou a$e de$elo ed a "reat !ase of information to "et you started in sol$in" yourwork lace !ullyin" situation)

e trut is t at t is course could a$e !een a"es and a"es of information!ecause t ere is so muc to learn w en it comes to o$ercomin" !ullyin" at work)

+ o e t is course as !een el ful and as "i$en you a new ers ecti$e on w icste s to take ne t) &tay focused on your continual education 0 it's a form of

rotection t at can stren"t en you so t at you don't e erience dou!t, s ame, andan iety)

o kee ( lu""ed in( + in$ite you to read my !ook Bully !ree at Work w ic as!een a resource for eo le in o$er 188 countries worldwide) Click Here for ore +nformation

+n addition, we don't want to lea$e you an"in", es ecially since you'$e taken t esefirst ste s to sto work lace !ullyin" in your life)))

&o t ere is "ood news, you will now recei$e a weekly ti su ort email to really takeyou to t e ne t le$el) <ou can 2oin t ousands of eo le worldwide t at are actuallyworkin" to mo$e t rou" t eir work lace !ullyin" situation and ne$er look !ack))) * D lease feel free to email me ersonally if you a$e any .uestions) now t atyou are not alone) now t at t e ast does not a$e to !e e.ual to you future)Here's to t e di"nity !ased future you deser$e@

ntil ne t week, &incerely, Valerie Cade,

/o #o 2nsure &our Boss 8eals With #he Bully777 #his #i-e. Dear Elena,

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<ou know you're ri" t) is is a case of Bullyin" Be a$ior) Be aware t at t e !ossyou "o to for inter$ention may not a$e t e same need as you to a$e t iscorrected@

1. e !oss mi" t !e 2ust as a y if eAs e did not a$e to deal wit t issituation, and you could 2ust (s oulder( t e situation) Don't fall for t is- youknow t is is not !est)

2. e !oss mi" t encoura"e you to (!uy more coffee, reac out() is is w ereyou enli" ten your !oss wit your detailed notes: 3 i : Learn How o ee aLo" at Jets ;esults on a"e MM of Bully /ree at Work6 <ou will s ow t atsim le influence will not and as not worked w en dealin" wit a !ully)

3. *sk directly for t e !oss' aut oritati$e ower and e lain t at t isinter$entionAaut ority is t e only a roac t at will work wit someone w ois not seekin" a mutual win0win)

4. Be clear on w at you want instead, so your !oss as clarity in order tos ecifically su ort you) Don't lea$e it for t e !oss to try and fi"ure t is out0 detail and el as muc as you can)

7) *sk t e !oss to do t is !y a certain date) W y wait% <et t e !oss may utit off) *"ree on w en t e !oss will make t e a roac to t e !ully) 3/or

accounta!ility strate"ies, "o to a"e 148 of Bully /ree at Work6)6. *fter t e !oss a roac es t e !ully, monitor t e !ully's !e a$ior and let t e

!oss know t e u date) 7. +f t e !e a$ior as "otten !etter 0 t ank t e !oss@ Brin" imA er a coffee@

;eward "ood !e a$ior) 8. +f t e !e a$ior as not c an"ed 0 s are t is wit t e !oss, and su""est t e

!oss a roac t e !ully a"ain, makin" it clear as to w at was e ected) <ouneed a !oss wit aut oritati$e ower o$er t e !ully)

9. <ou can offer to a$e a N0way con$ersation w ere t e !oss !rin"s t e two ofyou to"et er and fosters a"reement t rou" t e !oss' aut ority) Warn t e!oss t at !ullies may tend to make e cuses, deny !e a$ior, etc) 0 2ust !eclear on outcomes, a !ully can !e c armin") <our real "oal is for t is

unwelcomed !e a$ior to not a en a"ain) 18) Lastly, know t at usin" t is !oss to el you is your ri" t) Do not feel "uilty-instead, encoura"e and su ort t is !oss to do w at is ri" t)

>&: We can so often !e disa ointed in leaders i ) We can feel let down w en wedo not feel rotected) Do all you can ere to make yourself clear) +t is now u toyour !oss to at least acknowled"e and onor your situation) /eel free to s are our!lo" and our resources wit your !oss)))sometimes a !oss wants to el !ut doesnot know ow for t e !est o$erall return) now t at we are ere to el )

Valerie Cade, C&> is a Work lace Bullyin" E ert, & eaker and *ut or of "Bully Freeat Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !een

distri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or resentations and consultin" onwork lace !ullyin" re$ention and res ectful work lace im lementation, "o tott :AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com )

&ou ha e per-ission to use the abo e article in your ne sletter, publicationor e-ail syste-7 We ask you not to edit the content and that you lea e thelinks and resource bo3 intact7 O Bully /ree at Work) *ll ri" ts reser$ed)

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5 Strategies to Handle Difficult Conflicts

Dear Elena,

ot all conflicts can !e resol$ed) Howe$er, would you like to know some ti s to el

you resol$e -ore conflicts t at mi" t !order on !ullyin" !ut are more ' difficult ' aso osed to actual !ullyin" in t e work lace% Here t ey are:

17 oidance

• * refusal to en"a"e or sol$e) • ost re$alent)

23a-ple:

* $ery o!$ious $er!al attack occurs, and t e tar"et, due to fear, sim ly walks away3!ut t ey wis ed t ey could a$e 'done somet in"'6)

W ile t is o!$iously is not a "ood way of dealin" wit difficult situations or !ullyin",it is wort !ein" considered as a strate"y for w en t e conflict is '2ust not wort t eeffort' of !ein" addressed) +t is also wort it to walk away w en t e ower !alance!etween indi$iduals is not e$en and sayin" somet in" mi" t make t in"s worse)

$7 cco--odation

• akin" t e conflict and su!mittin") • Join" alon" wit t e conflict !y seein" it as more ad$anta"eous to su ort

t e ot er erson at t is time)

23a-ple:

Listenin" to un el ful criticism and !elie$in" it)

Very fre.uently used, es ecially w ere t ere is low confidence and self0esteem) isis anot er oor met od of dealin" wit difficult conflicts at work, !ut it may do if youknow t at t ere is a solution comin" soon, or you !elie$e su!mittin" may "et youfurt er)

67 9o-pete

<ou us ard to "et your own way in t e conflict, wit out re"ard for t e ot er'sneeds)

23a-ple:

<ou are $ery u set wit someone, and w en t ey try to e lain t eir situation, youcut t em off and o$er0e lain your oint in order to "ain control)

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is can !e $ery useful w en t e conflict is mild and you are assionate a!out yourstance, !ut can lead to a $icious circle as t e conflict escalates)

*7 9o-pro-ise

is is more win0win, and re.uires t e "oodwill of !ot arties) <ou don't "i$e in tot e conflict, !ut rat er work out a solution somew ere !etween t e two sides)

23a-ple:

ne erson wants to order a ty e of food and t e ot er erson wants anot er ty eof food) Bot com romise and order somet in" totally different)

is can lead to t e downfall of t e actual solution lea$in" none of t e sides a y)&ometimes no one wins)

57 9ollaborate

e most useful tactic, articularly wit e treme conflict and work lace !ullyin") eaim ere is to focus on workin" to"et er to arri$e at a solution, w ere !ot sides

a$e owners i of and commitment to t e solution)

23a-ple 1:

<ou and someone else are at com letely o osed $iew oints o$er a ro2ect) <ou sitdown and work out w y t ey !elie$e in t eir oint of $iew, and e lain your own)Cle$er and lateral t inkin" can ro$ide a solution, w ic answers !ot sides, !ut is

not a com romise)

23a-ple $:

&omeone is !ein" difficult at work) <ou talk to t is erson usin" t e strate"ies !elowand colla!orate on modifyin" t eir !e a$ior)

se t is strate"y w en t e "oal is to meet as many of t e current needs as isossi!le) is can !e t e most difficult strate"y if confidence is low, as it in$ol$es

namin" t e issue to t e conflict0creator, w ic can cause an iety and fear)

o colla!orate successfully on an issue suc as continuin" conflict you need to followa few !asic "uidelines:

1. <ou must reco"ni?e t at 3may!e6 art of t e ro!lem is your own fault: youallowed it to a en and did not try to address it to !e"in wit ) <ou can statet is aloud and acti$ely take art of t e res onsi!ility, as t is will ut t e onusonto t e ot er erson to take t e ot er art of t e res onsi!ility)

2. ;emem!er t at we fre.uently don't like in ot ers w at we don't want to seein oursel$es, !ut occasionally find anyway) Be $ery sure t at you a$e notcommitted t e same conflictAoffense)

3. ana"e yourself durin" t e resolution attem t 0 learn calmin" strate"ies ifyou are ot0tem ered, or confidence !oosters if you are s y) ry not to !e

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emotional, as emotion will only make t in"s escalate, and ut a furt erwed"e !etween arties) +t is your res onsi!ility to mana"e yourself- anyt in"less, we are uttin" our unnecessary 'stuff' on t e ot er)

4. aintain eye contact and use your !ody lan"ua"e to con$ey your !elief inw at you are sayin") Don't fiddle wit somet in" ner$ously, don't cross yourarms rotecti$ely, and don't ut yourself on a lower le$el t an t e ot er

erson 3suc as sittin" on a lower c air6) ur !ody lan"ua"e s ows oureart) +s your eart s owin" t e desire to colla!orate%

5. Don't !elie$e t at t e !est defense is a "ood offense 0 t at is art of t ecom etin" strate"y) Come!acks and not acknowled"in" anot er's oint of$iew are also art of com etin": listen to t e ot er side as t ey a$e 2ust asmuc of a ri" t to s are as you do) &eek first to understand)

6. Work t e issue, not t e erson: t is means addressin" t e !e a$ior rat ert an t e entire e istence of t at erson) ere is a different le$el ofowners i for !e a$iors, and eo le will take less offence if you address t eir!e a$ior t an if you critici?e t em ersonally) e$er lay !lame, as t is willonly fan t e fires) C eck your eart: can you se arate t e erson from t e

erformance%

4) +f you are not "ettin" anyw ere, ask for furt er information from t e ot ererson a!out t e reasons for t eir !e a$ior, !ut don't ask t e .uestions wit'w y' at t e !e"innin" 0 if you do, t is will acti$ely ut t e ot er erson undert e s otli" t and t ey will "et defensi$e)

>&: +f you sincerely feel you cannot resol$e a conflict due to !ein" $ery emotionallyu set, t en own t is fact and ask for for"i$eness of not !ein" a!le to resol$e t econflict at t e moment) ese are your emotions and t ey must !e owned !y you)*"ain, se arate t e erson from t e situation) is allows us to a$e o e in

mo$in" t rou" difficult situations)

*!o$e all, remem!er t at eo le w o en2oy creatin" conflict are ultimately ower0seekers w o en2oy controllin" ot ers) /re.uently t is is !ecause eit er t ey a$esuffered in a similar way !efore, or feel t at t ey a$e $ery little control o$er t eirown li$es and t ey do anyt in" t ey can to feel in control) * little com assion willtake you a lon" way !ot in resol$in" t e situation and in uttin" it !e ind you w enit is resol$ed) *fter all, w at is t e alternati$e% +t's time for e tendin" t e oli$e!ranc )))!ut !e careful it doesn't "et !urned off@

Valerie Cade, C&> is a Work lace Bullyin" E ert, & eaker and *ut or of "Bully Freeat Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !eendistri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or resentations and consultin" onwork lace !ullyin" re$ention and res ectful work lace im lementation, "o to

tt :AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com )

&ou ha e per-ission to use the abo e article in your ne sletter, publicationor e-ail syste-7 We ask you not to edit the content and that you lea e thelinks and resource bo3 intact7 O Bully /ree at Work) *ll ri" ts reser$ed)

Bully Free At Work - Head Officeuite 356! 15"" - 14 treet #W

$al%ary! Al&erta

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'3$ 1$9$a(ada

'o u()u&)cri&e or c*a(%e )u&)cri&er o+tio() ,i)it*tt+ ///.a/e&er.co0 r A )' /c& )7 / HO :;tB/c O/c&;/<

Is #he Bully t Work "till ot /earing &ou? Dear Elena,

Ha$e you e$er !een frustrated !ecause t e !ully at work does not ear you% Ha$eyou found yourself workin" u t e coura"e to say somet in", only to !e i"nored,dismissed, or andled% Do you find yourself feelin" confused and once a"ain "oin"o$er in your mind ( ow to say it so t e !ully at work will ear me%(

Why #he Bully t Work ppears ot #o /ear &ou $ )easons:

1. e !ully at work is into !ein" in control 0 always) +t is an addiction) ey donot look to s are and care) +f you say !lack, t ey look to see w ite- all in aneffort to a$oid connectin" wit you) +f we can truly understand t e !ully atwork's need for control, we will also reali?e most !ullies do seek to(understand( ot ers)

P) e second reason is we may not come across as easy to understand) anytimes we will tend to o$er0e lain, a olo"i?e, !ack0track, or "i$e u , in orderto cur! re2ection from t e !ully at work) Clarity, confidence, and command ofw at you are sayin" is key to a$oid any ossi!le confusion and not "i$e t e!ully at work any (out( to your needs)

<ou mi" t !e askin": *re t ere different ty es of se$erity le$els wit re"ard to t eBully at Work% W at s ould my a roac !e%

&es, there are differing le els of se erity of bullying beha ior7 e le$els anda roac es for eac are listed !elow:

17 'inor Bullying

* roac : Influence7

<ou can make a clear confident re.uest, and er a s you'll !e eard) /or some ideasa!out settin" u a con$ersation, c eck out our ost on Crucial Con$ersations:

tt :AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)comA!lo"A% =QP

$7 'oderate Bullying

* roac : Influence )

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+f you are facin" a moderate '!ully at work' situation and your confidence is stron"er,you can re.uest a Crucial Con$ersation) &ee tt :AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)comA!lo"A%

=QP

+f you are facin" a moderate '!ully at work' situation and your confidence is lower:

a) Work on your confidence t rou" su ort and education)

!) *sk for su ort or el from ot ers in order to address t e situation)

67 "e ere Bullying

* roac : Inter ention7

is ty e of !ullyin" re.uires an inter$ention of olicy and com any rules t at areenforced in order to kee t e !ully in line) Do not e ect t e !ully at work to wantto ear your re.uests) <ou need a i" er aut oritati$e ower to el you-leaders i su ort)

;uestion: Do you consider your !ully at work to !e mild, moderate or se$ere% Howdo you know% W at will you do ne t%

Valerie Cade, C&> is a Work lace Bullyin" E ert, & eaker and *ut or of "Bully Freeat Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !eendistri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or resentations and consultin" onwork lace !ullyin" re$ention and res ectful work lace im lementation, "o to

tt :AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com )

What 8oes 2ntitle-ent /a e #o 8o With Workplace Bullying? <2ntitle-ent< refers to a !elief t at one is deser$in" of some articular reward or!enefit)We a$e many acce ted social entitlements suc as:

• #he first in line is the first ser ed7 E$er try to cut into a line0u and "o tot e front% >eo le's sense of fairness and 2ustice creates a feelin" of ( don tde er#e thi ( and one is likely to !e u set) ( t not fair ()

• 2=ual pay for e=ual ork done7 *s soon as someone finds out someone isaid more for doin" t e same 2o! wit t e same !ack"round and or skills, t is

!ecomes ( unfair ( and feelin"s of ( $eing treated a le than ( arise)

&o w at is t e link !etween ercei$ed disres ectful !e a$ior at work andentitlement% W at would anyone act wit a sense of entitlement% W en is it

2ustified, w en is it not% Let's take a look: 2ntitle-ent ccurs When:

• We sense we are not !ein" treated fairly and ot ers a$e '!etter treatment't an we do-

• We ercei$e someone to not !e treatin" us fairly w en in fact we feel t eycould !e 3( how dare they @(6

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What /appens When We !eel We re ot Being #reated !airly:• /eelin"s of resentment occur) Guestion: w at do you do wit your feelin"s of

resentment%• We act and feel like we are 'owed' somet in" we are not "ettin"-• We wonder 'w y' we are not !ein" treated like we 's ould !e treated')

9onsider #his:1) E$eryone will !e in a osition at some oint w ere 't in"s are not fair')

E$eryone)P) +t mi" t el you to know t at num!er 1 a!o$e a ens to e$eryone so you

do not feel it is only you)N) W en we feel it is 'only us', we feel worse)I) o one wants to feel mistreated in terms of !ein" treated fairly)7) ana"ers and su er$isors: are you treatin" e$eryone e.uita!ly% is is fair

to do so) +f you are not, lease start know t is kind of leaders i will createtension in your staff) +f you a$e !een $iolatin" t is ste , "o !ack and 'own'your re$ious leaders i !y makin" amends wit eac staff w ere you'$e not

artici ated in e.uita!le leaders i ) is is easy not to do)))t e winners will

'"et t is' ste and do t is ri" t away) e a$era"e will skim t is int andcarry on as if it doesn't matter)Q) &taff: you may !e feelin" 'less t an' at work due to an unmet need or unmet

needs) Be $ery s ecific in w at you are u set a!out and !e clear wit w atyou want instead) ere is a uman tendency t at if one ma2or need is not!ein" met and t is lowers t e '"oodwill ot', t at e$eryt in" else looks "rimas well) &e arate your situations) ;emo$e t e erformer from t e

erformance)4) +f t is 'unfair !e a$ior' kee s takin" lace, kee a well documented lo"- and

if you a$e a series of re eated !e a$iors t at are 'unfair', t en you a$e acase of !ullyin")

What #o Watch ut !or:1) Continually !e in touc wit w at does not 'seem fair') W at is it e actly%

&ometimes we can "et la?y and !e 'u set' and not e$en know w y)P) nowin" 'w y' will allow you to ask yourself: ( What do want in tead% (N) ow re$iew w at you want instead and see if it is a reasona!le re.uest)I) +n t e case of !ullyin", most definitely, your re.uest will !e reasona!le) We

2ust need to make sure we are documentin" !ullyin" !e a$iors, as o osed toa situation w ere someone is u set at somet in" !ut t ey do not know w y,w at t ey want instead and t e ot er erson as no real idea of ow t ey canc an"e it)

7) * culture of entitlement will occur w en mana"ers and leaders do not mana"et e culture in a ositi$e way !y mana"in" and addressin" issues em loyeeswant answers to) Be res onsi$e, timely and accurate in your information) +f

you do not a$e an answer or a satisfactory answer, !e onest wit t atinstead of swee in" it under t e car et)

ere are some t in"s we are entitled to and a$e come to e ect) +t is frustratin"to not a$e our e ectations met at any time) +f we can own more of t is ro!lem!y !ein" clear as to w at we don't want and w at we'd like instead, t en we are in a

osition to make a re.uest for c an"e) Leaders, w at will you do to cur!entitlement% *ll em loyees: w at will you do w en your e ectations are not met%

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Valerie Cade, C&> is a Work lace Bullyin" E ert, & eaker and *ut or of "Bully Freeat Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" w ic as !eendistri!uted in o$er 188 countries worldwide) /or consultin" on work lace !ullyin"

re$ention and res ectful work lace im lementation, "o tott :AAwww)!ullyfreeatwork)com )

/o 8o &ou /andle #hese # o Bullying Beha iors?

e first ste to correctin" a culture of disres ect and work lace !ullyin" !e a$iors isto first of all name t e !e a$ior) Here are two !e a$iors: *rro"ance and Disres ect)Becomin" more aware of w at t ey are and t eir effects will el you to draw t e

line from someone a$in" ' ower o$er' you, e$en 2ust for a few moments) &o, owdo you andle t ese two !ullyin" !e a$iors%

rrogant : conceited, au" ty, su erior, roud, o$er0confident, self0im ortant,condescendin")

Beha ior :

1. sually $ery !ri" t) 2. Has an inflated e"o) 3. Will s eak out and say t in"s like ( is won't work,( or indicate t at ot ers

don't measure u in some way) 4. any times asks, (W y%( in a !elittlin" manner for decisions and re.uests

3tone of $oice6) 5. ften fails to com lete routine assi"nments or com ly wit !asic rules and

re"ulations) 6. Guestions aut oritati$e knowled"e, and will often resent facts and ideas in

t e o e of contradictin" t e !oss or co0worker or s owin" t at t eirknowled"e, erformance, or t inkin" is inade.uate) 4) *cts su erior) e key to t is !e a$ior is makin" imA erself look su erior !y

makin" ot ers look inferior)

2ffects : How Be a$ior *ffects t ers:

1. t ers suffer from t e arro"ant erson's ridicule- t ey feel uncomforta!le at!est, inferior at worst)

2. /eelin"s of e clusi$eness rat er t an inclusi$eness result from t e !e a$ior) 3. e credi!ility of a !oss or team lead wit ot er co0workers is often indered)I) Decision0makin" !ecomes more difficult- eo le are esitant)

8isrespectful : rude, im olite, discourteous)

Beha ior :

1. ;e$eals disres ect in many ways: a ointed look, a si" , a sneer, a look ofclear disdain, rollin" one's eyes)

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2. *lso re$eals disres ect !y w at eAs e doesn't do: e$eryone in t e office maywas out t eir cu at t e end of t e day 0 !ut not t is erson- e$eryone c i sin on a deadline 0 !ut not t is erson)

3. ay act as if some eo le don't e$en e ist) 4. ay re$eal disres ect in t e form of u"ly words) 5. Doesn't t ink $ery i" ly of anyone, includin" imA erself, e$en t ou"

eAs e may act su erior) 6. ften seems to !e e ressin" frustration) 4) ay a$e !asic rimary needs w ic aren't !ein" met) * ears una!le to

meet needs in a ositi$e manner) erefore, turns to disres ect out offrustration, an"er, or ostility)

2ffects : How Be a$ior *ffects t ers:

1. >eo le are often left feelin" u??led, !ut do not say anyt in") 2. E cuses are made to co$er u t e em!arrassin" !e a$ior) 3. We write t is off as a ' ersonality conflict' instead of addressin" t e !e a$ior

as disru ti$e and a"ainst or"ani?ational $alues) I) We dou!t oursel$es in usin" our aut oritati$e ower if we are a mana"er interms of strai" tenin" t is erson out 3insu!ordination is tolerated6 and wedou!t oursel$es for feelin" oorly a!out anot er and we o$er0e tend t e oli$e!ranc in order to kee t e eace)

;eali?in" t is kind of !e a$ior e ists is key) Comin" to t e awareness it s ould not!e tolerated anymore is your ne t ste ) W ere can you stand u for a res ectfulwork lace t is week%

Dear Elena, +t's not fair) <es, t is is true) e .uestion is w at will we all do w en somet in" isn'tfair% W ile work lace !ullyin" as !een ro$en to take its toll on a tar"et's well!ein", sometimes one for"ets t ey still a$e some ower) is lace of

owerlessness does not ser$e anyone, es ecially t e tar"et)

+t is natural to t ink: (W y s ould + a$e to c an"e% ey are t e ones w o need toc an"e() <es, t is can feel more comforta!le for t e time !ein", !ut most times, aswe know, t e !ully doesn't c an"e) +f we are not careful, we can !ecome an entirelydifferent erson as a result of oldin" onto our resentments) + o e t is two artseries will el you to unlock and re0load@ ;emem!er, you are more t an yourfeelin"s, e eriences and ast@

What Is )esent-ent?

8efinition of )esent-ent: is t e ar!orin" of animosity, ostility and ill0willtoward a erson or "rou of eo le w o + !elie$e as treated me un2ustly)

)esent-ent 9an Beco-e: unresol$ed an"er, seet in", ac in" emotionalturmoil t at ro!s us of a ositi$e outlook and 2oy- unwillin"ness to for"i$e and t eina!ility to let "o and for"et) &tuck and we don't know w y)

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If &ou> e 9arried )esent-ent, /a e &ou Beha ed #his Way?:

1. /ume silently and a$e distressin" t ou" ts in t eir resence or at t ememory of t em)

2. & eak in a derisi$e or demeanin" way a!out t em to ot ers 3t is is "ossi 6)

3. We "et u set at 'ot er' t in"s and 'ot er' eo le in order to co e) 4. Become des ondent and "o in circles in any attem t to o$ercome ne"ati$efeelin"s)

5. /ake ent usiasm a!out !ein" wit t is erson w en you'd rat er a$enot in" to do wit t em)

6. ;e2ect all efforts to for"i$e and for"et ast offenses and urts) 7. ;esist all attem ts to "et 'on wit life' and act out wit distractions t at do

not ultimately ser$e my well0!ein") 8. ere is unfinis ed !usiness wit eo le from your ast w ic needs to !e

addressed, !ut you i"nore and num! t ese t ou" ts t erefore re$entin" youfrom mo$in" on)

9. <ou find it difficult to o en u to trust ot ers, es ecially in new relations i s)

18) $ercom ensate in your efforts to !e successful, ullin" away from w o youreally are)

/o 8o We Beco-e )esentful?

1. *cce tin" treatment from ot ers assi$ely, ne$er e ressin" t e ne"ati$efeelin"s a!out it eit er directly or t rou" an ener"y release system suc ase ercise, counselin", a i" er ower etc)

2. *"reein" to do somet in" for ot ers yet feelin" t at you are !ein" taken for"ranted or taken ad$anta"e of)

3. ryin" to "et ot ers to see your oint of $iew w ile !ein" i"nored) 4. &eein" ot ers succeed w o you !elie$e to a$e not worked as ard as you, or

a$e ad to face t e same stru""les as you'$e ad to do) <ou feel t ey don'tdeser$e t is measure of success)

5. Join" unreco"ni?ed for your "ood work or com etency w ile ot ers w o aremore in fa$or are reco"ni?ed)

6. <ou are !ot ered !y a ostile, cynical and sarcastic attitude- it !ecomes a!arrier !etween you and t e erson or eo le wit w om you want toesta!lis a ealt y relations i )

7. Workin" ard and a$in" ot ers re$ent me from e eriencin" t e sweetnessof my success)

8. Ha$in" someone w om you a$e tried ard to lease, re2ect your efforts ofcarin" and concern)

9. <ou t ink: (+ am damned if + do and also damned if + don't() e ot er ersonis 'ne$er satisfied')

1". Em!arrassed !y a erson w ose "oal was to !elittle me) 11. Bein" consistently re2ected, una ro$ed, unacce ted and a!andoned !y

anot er) 12. Bein" t e o!2ect of discrimination or re2udice) 13. Bein" i"nored, ut down, scorned and re2ected !y a erson or eo le for

w om + made sacrifices)

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14. Ha$in" someone + care a!out !e treated un2ustly e$en t ou" my re.uests tosto suc action were not acknowled"ed)

17) ;eco"ni?in" t at you are t e one w o always makes t e effort, and w en yousto "i$in" t e relations i ceases)

is week, !ecome aware if you are oldin" onto any resentments and w at t ismi" t !e doin" to you) Do not i"nore or num! out) Hidin" unresol$ed an"er andfeelin"s will kee us from "ettin" to 2oy) We will continue to re2ect oursel$es andot ers until we 'feel') *s Dr) > il says, we cannot eal w at we cannot feel)

Can you 2ournal and sit wit t is awareness% Fust know t at w en we reco"ni?ean"er and resentment, it is t e first ste in your !reak t rou" ) +"norin" will onlycreate a ersistent ne"ati$e attitude and !e a$ior ro!lem) <ou are more t an yourfeelin"s, !ut we all need to !ecome aware of our feelin"s in order to desi"n t e lifeyou want and deser$e)

e t week: $ercomin" ;esentment from Work lace Bullyin": >art P

+t takes most eo le tremendous coura"e to a roac someone for an im ortantcon$ersation) erefore, we a$e to ensure a roac a!le, safe en$ironments inorder for someone to s are o enly) *s a tar"et of work lace !ullyin", most a$ee erienced 'less t an res ectful' con$ersations alon" t e way)

Here is an assessment you can take and also use to e$aluate ot ers in order to knowif res ect is in lace at all) nowin" w at creates a res ectful con$ersation isim ortant in order to make sure we conduct oursel$es well wit ot ers, s ould t eyneed to talk) E.ually im ortant is knowin" t at if a con$ersation did not "o well w enyou tried to reac out, t at t e ot er erson is also res onsi!le for creatin" a win0win connection) is assessment can su ort you in t e reminder t at you do notneed to !e 'o$er0res onsi!le' w ile creatin" a res ectful con$ersation) +t does indeed

take two eo le@

8o &ou: 3;ate yourself on a scale of 1 0 7- w ere 7 = *lways, N = &ometimes, and1 = e$er6

1. Belie e in t e need for o en, onest communication and feed!ack% 7 I NP 1

2. 'ake ti-e to hear ot er eo le's needs wit out !ein" interru ted orrus ed% 7 I N P 1

3. "eek t e erson in order to connect !y in$itin" con$ersations andc allen"es% 7 I N P 1

4. pproach the person directly , $s "ossi in" or s arin" your frustrations

wit ot ers% 7 I N P 1 5. Listen wit a sincere and honest intention to dee ly understand t e ot er

erson% 7 I N P 1 6. )e-ain curious and ask "What do they really &ean%"' +ma"ine ow t e

erson feels) 7 I N P 1 7. & ow acknowled"ement and take shared o nership in t e ro!lem and

t eir feelin"s as o osed to !ein" defensi$e or dismissi$e% e)") "Thank youfor telling &e"( " hare your concern"' 7 I N P 1

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8. )e-ain open and concerned e$en if you disa"ree wit w at t e ot ererson is sayin"% 7 I N P 1

9. +araphrase or su--ari e w at you a$e eard in order to ensure clearunderstandin"% 7 I N P 1

1". #hank the person for carin" enou" to talk to you to el create a win0win%7 I N P 1

"uggestion : Circulate t is assessment in your de artment and ask eac mem!er ofyour team to com lete t is .uestionnaire) /or o$er0ac ie$ers, com lete t is onot ers and a$e t em com lete it on you as well) & are t e results 1:1 lookin" forways to im ro$e ow !est to a$e a res ectful con$ersation !etween t e two of you)

oo scary% <es, t is re.uires leaders i ) rust t at !y conductin" t is assessment,you'll at least know w ere eo le stand in t eir commitments) By !ein" clear ofw at is re.uired first, it is t en t at you can look to old eo le accounta!le forinter ersonal sna"s t at "et in t e way of truly connectin")

Will this ork for a orkplace bully? >ro!a!ly not, !ut seein" w at is re.uiredfor a res ectful con$ersation and e$aluatin" con$ersations you'$e ad wit t e !ullycan el you to !e reminded t at you will not !e a!le to 'win' !y talkin")

Why use this assess-ent at all? &ome eo le are still not clear if t ey are dealin"wit a work lace !ully or a difficult erson) Juaranteed, no !ully will !e interestedin talkin" to you in a res ectful way unless someone is watc in") * difficult ersonmi" t !e interested, so it is wort a try)

( ot in" stren"t ens aut ority as muc as silence)( R Leonardo da Vinci

How Can *n r"ani?ation >rotect +tself *"ainst Work lace Bullyin"%

ost eo le and or"ani?ations want a res ectful work lace- yet if you askedem loyees, some would say (t ere are issues( and some em loyees 31 out of Q6would re ort t ey are !ein" !ullied or a$e !een !ullied) e or"ani?ation (kee s

o in"( and t e "ood em loyees (kee lea$in"() Em loyers ri" tfully do not want asystem of (t e tail wa""in" t e do"( wit little room for erformance mana"ement)

5 "teps: rgani ational +rotection gainst Workplace Bullying

&o ow does one strike t e !alance% Here at t e 7 ste s for leaders i to rotectitself from work lace !ullyin")

17 8esire: +t comes down to <8o you ant to?< ) Desire is t e fuel for c an"e)

*nyt in" t at o$errides desire is a different e ercise alto"et er) W at createsdesire%

• W en t e !enefits outwei" t e ercei$ed effort needed to "o forward) • W en t e $ision of t e !enefits are clear and more rewardin" t an not doin"

it) • W en t ere is t e !elief t at t e system of c an"e can really create t e

outcome desired)

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• ;uestion to ask: Do we want to, and w y%

$7 8iscern-ent: E$aluation of an effecti$e, ro$en work lace !ullyin"im lementation rocess w ere e ery senior decision -aker is at t e ta!le is key)*llow for o en discussion or worries, risks, dou!ts, wis es, o es and dreams forw at you want to sto and w at you want to create) en look to see w o is !est.ualified to assist you, not only in cratin" a olicy and information 3education6 !utw o can el you to also create !uy0in, sustaina!ility, and a ositi$e culture as aresult) E ertise in t e work lace !ullyin" to ic area is a must, !ut t is also mustin$ol$e t e a!ility to el you na$i"ate in mo$in" from * to S smoot ly, effecti$elyand rofessionally)

• Guestion to ask: Can we do t is on our own effecti$ely% +f not, ask: Do wetrust and like t is ersonAcom any t at could el us%

67 8ecision: nce you e$aluate your o tions, make a confident decision on yourdirection) ake sure e$eryone is on !oard and t at e$eryone understand w at isre.uired) ( easure twice, cut once() is is t e time to remo$e confusion, olitics

and risks) W en t e romise is clear, t e rice is easy to ay) +f t ere is esitation,ut it on t e ta!le) Hesitation not wrestled wit at t is sta"e creates rocrastination,

e cuses, i"norin", etc) 3 is is t e real demoti$ator@6)

*7 8edication: ( o one said it would !e easy@() is olds true for losin" N8ounds, for c an"in" careers, mo$in", etc) +t also olds true for im lementin" a

c an"e rocess t at will work) Here are N reasons w y work lace !ullyin" rocessesdo not work:

• e leaders did not (!uy0in( to start t e rocess off on t e ri" t foot) E$erear of t e "ame (/ollow t e Leader(%

• nce t e rocess "ot underway, senior leaders i did not artici ate (w en

t in"s "ot tou" ( or t ey did not artici ate, t inkin" t ey didn't a$e to takeart) is is like tryin" to raise your c ild wit out e$er "oin" to t eir !ase!all"ame, "ymnastics com etition or concert) ids want t eir arents to

artici ate wit t em 0 it lets t em know t ey are $alued, and t ey !elie$e int eir arents' su ort) e same is true for staff) Em loyees !enefit !est !y(followin" t e leader()

• * policy alone does not work) #raining alone does not work) 'oti ation alone does not work) )esearch alone does not work) Blending all of theseaspects to"et er creates t e in"redients necessary to mo$e forward well andsolidly)

• ;uestion: Do you ull !ack w en t in"s "et tou" , or ress forward% W atwill you 3leaders6 do w en you (don't feel like it(%

#ips:

• e $ision leads t e leader) ;emem!er t e romise) ee your reason fordoin" t is in front of you at all times)

• ee your commitments) Backin" out or c an"in" your mind is not an o tion0 same as arentin")

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• C oose a work lace !ullyin" consultant t at can el (kee t emomentum( ))) e$en for t e leaders@

57 8ignity: <ou'$e eard it said 0 in fact, &te en Co$ey says (Be"in wit t e end inmind() W at do you want in t e end% En$ision your or"ani?ation like t is:

• W ere all em loyees look forward to comin" to work) ;emem!er 0 eo ledon't lea$e or"ani?ations, t ey lea$e !osses)

• W ere senior leaders i are res ected, and em loyees are loyal to t em,"oin" t e e tra mile, e$en w en t ey mi" t not understand all decisions and

olicies() ( ere's not really a traffic 2am on t e e tra mile() W y not createa culture w ere "oin" t e e tra mile is t e desired norm, not 2ust a!e a$ioral disci line%

• W ere, if t ere are work lace !ullyin" situations, t e cases are andledclearly, effecti$ely and in a timely manner, in order to minimi?e t e stress fort e tar"et- t e ro er conse.uences if !ullyin" is indeed t e issue- and t ediscernment skills to !e a!le to na$i"ate t rou" t ese situations wit moreease)

• *t conferences all o$er t e world, eo le and or"ani?ations are talkin" a!outyou as (t e model( !ecause you took t e time to do t e ri" t t in")

ere is ne$er a wron" time to do t e ri" t t in") +t's not too late to do(somet in"() +ma"ine ))) and like +'$e always said, we'$e ut a man 3and a woman6on t e moon- surely we can sto work lace !ullyin"@