Building Emotional Resources and Self Confidence

Hello and welcome to this Building Emotional Resources and Self

Confidence E Motion Download.

E Motion Downloads are based on the Human Givens approach to emotional

healing and mental health – the newest and most radical school of psychology in

40 years. This rapidly expanding approach is UK based and dates just from the

mid 1990s. The E Motion audio series can complement your Human Givens

therapy but can also be used as part of a stand alone self help programme.

I am Andrew Richardson and a director of the London Human Givens Centre in

the UK. In this download you will learn of the three main areas where our

resources and capacities can most easily be strengthened and how to do so. All

of these relate in one form or other to how we use or misuse our emotions. And

as a consequence of the work that you do in this audio download, you will be

more able to get your essential needs met and so live a more balanced life. You

will also become more self confident – without really noticing that you are ….

and without really trying.

Please ensure that when listening to the rest of this download that you are not

operating machinery or driving or engaging in any other activity which requires

your concentration.

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Second track

At the end of the day, the most important resource that you can develop to build

self confidence is to be more in control of and aware of your emotions - so that

you can use them properly. Have these wonderful gifts – of sadness and anger

and worry and fear and disappointment and guilt and determination and joy and

satisfaction - working for you. Learn to tame and befriend the tiger of your

emotions ….. and then ride the tiger in the direction that your deep intelligence

knows is the way that you should go. Your emotions are your greatest gift to get

your essential needs met and also the route to make the changes in your life that

you yearn for - and so build self confidence.

The first thing to do is to access calmer emotional states and gain greater

awareness of your emotions and what they could be communicating to you –

taming the tiger. The second step is to spring clean – to uncover and refurnish

the emotional patterns and triggers - befriending the tiger. And the third is to

use the energy of your emotions through your imagination of better futures to

move you in the direction that is right for you – riding the tiger.

And so first of all - tame the tiger of your high and uncontrollable emotions

And the clue is not to tackle this head on. Just as you might buy a gift for

someone to disarm or to flatter and cajole rather than come right out with it, so

you can begin by being kinder to your whole self.

After all, your emotions manifest somewhere or other in your body.

For some of us, a strong emotion might be a fear or a spreading tension that is

located in our belly. For others it is tightness in our jaw or chest and for others,

emotions manifest as a lightness or heaviness inside our head or on our

shoulders or arms or legs.

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And so to be kinder to your body is to treat your emotions as you would an

honoured guest who came to your house.

What small steps you could take to look after yourself just a little better? What

might your body need now to gain sustenance?

You could eat just a little healthier – because you know it is good for you. Take

some raw or nearly raw vegetables; spend time cooking good meals with natural

ingredients and cut down heavily processed foods; drink water or juice. These

are just small things.

Or take a little more exercise. What could you do today or tomorrow?

Walk somewhere new rather than take a car.

Visit a park or a lake or a river or a pond or a stream or just take time to walk

down the street.

If you have gym membership or sports membership, then make use of it but in a

different way. And what do I mean by this? - Well go at a different time of the

day or week with new people and build a different expectation of what might you

might experience there.

And find small pleasures – think about them and anticipate and plan deliciously.

Laughing, meeting new people, doing something different with old friends, really

enjoying a TV programme or a treat.

Take some time over the planning and cogitating and implementing of these little

treats.

You could be creating little bits of ceremony and specialness.

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And as you do these kinds of things and imagine doing these kinds of things you

are doing something different and you can wonder to yourself why it will help

you.

And what might you notice after a day or two of being kinder to yourself.

Well you could notice an openness to relax or fully engage your mind in

something that is important to you at that moment.

And you might find that you are sleeping better or feeling just a little healthier and

have just a little bit more energy.

And the more times you listen to this download the more you will notice that you

are beginning to be seeing your situation differently and beginning to appreciate

your intrinsic gifts and capabilities.

So, as you sit back or lie back and notice feelings that could be feelings of

relaxation, think about what it is in your life that you are most proud of.

It could be your children (if you have them) or a relationship or an achievement or

a skill you have developed or something residing in a special memory.

What are your qualifications – as a graduate or a teacher or in business or a

profession or as a mother or a friend or a father or a gardener or a handyman?

And do you have a piece of paper that states your qualification or does your

qualification come from your experience of life. It doesn’t really matter.

What have you enjoyed in your life even it was a long time ago – such as

holidays – walking, relaxing, and exploring with friends or strangers, laughing,

dancing, sightseeing?

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And what are your passions and that which draws you to them?

Sometimes these can be very clear for you – a love of nature and the outdoors

….a certain kind of music or activity such as fixing things or discovering how

things work, Are there ideas and readings that have entranced you. Some have

a sense of connection to something bigger than themselves – this is what could

be called the heart of spirituality.

Or you may have to search a little. Is there a story or experience from your

childhood which still touches you and may have influenced you ever since?

What did you enjoy at school?

And if you think about the activities and careers we engage in. Well I like to see

this in terms of four quadrants. So imagine yourself standing in a the centre and

you can look and move in any direction you choose to – as in a circle.

Well in one direction there is activity and business and achieving things and

markets and money and buzz and excitement

And in the next quadrant there is learning and discovering and knowledge and

books and being curious and entranced, And right next door there is a sense of

teaching and communicating and the excitement of sharing and entrancing

others with what has entranced you.

And in the next quadrant you ae helping and caring and healing and protecting,

And then in the last quadrant (before you return back to the first) there is

creativity – painting, composing writing, exploring and making a statement and

metaphor for who you are and how you see things.

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And what work you have done and been paid for or given of yourself as a gift.

Have you opened yourself to trust or love or to have been loved?

Stay with whatever is good that comes up for you – however small it seems or

surprising or familiar.

And what are you doing as you focus on the good and memorable? Well you are

building up a bank account of good and useful memories and emotions. And the

amazing thing is that you can draw on these good emotions and as you do, know

that they never run down and they just grow and grow and grow.

And what are the qualities that you have that you like the most about yourself or

have helped you the most. Because we all have qualities or virtues – which is a

wonderful word - and we know it if we just allow ourselves to.

And I have known people who are amazed with what comes up for them.

There can be kindness, honesty, determination, creativity , being able to care, a

sense of fun, of wit, of gentleness of justice and loyalty and community.

And whatever you are finding for yourself now is also adding to that pool of

memories and positive emotions that you have already banked and which you

can use whenever you wish.

And as your mind begins to see parts of your daily life differently – not fixed but

something you can change ….. and discover what you could do even today that

would change something, you could have a sense of dominoes beginning to fall –

one after another that will take you to places that you had scarcely dreamt about

just a few minutes ago.

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And all of sudden or perhaps just slowly it will dawn on you that you are

beginning to befriend the tiger of your emotions.

You may now choose to stay deeply relaxed and go onto the next track or just

come back to the room gently and feel alert and awake. Count down to yourself

down from 5 to 1 if you decide to do this now.

Third Track

There is a story I would like to tell you. And so settle back in that chair or

wherever or stay settled with your eyes closing or closed and begin to be aware

of how it is to look forward to a story or a meeting of friends or that treat you

promised yourself or a different and better future ….. and you may already be

relaxing just a little bit more.

There was an old man who lived with his wife on the edge of a town a long time

ago and it was his custom to walk into the town each morning to have a coffee in

the square. Now on this particular morning as he walked along the familiar path

into the town he happened to glance down and noticed something glistening in

front of him. He stooped down and picked up an old coin. The coin was not of

the country he lived in and he thought perhaps it might be from the country that

neighboured his. Anyway he picked it up and walked on.

Now as he was sitting down in the café and enjoying the warm sun, a stranger

sat down beside him. He was in a hurry and having to leave the country quickly

and was desperate for coins he could use at his destination in the neighbouring

country. And he took the coin from our old man and in exchange gave him three

silver coins.

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As luck would have it, a man at the next table had overhead this exchange and

came over and said that he was a silversmith looking for silver to complete an

urgent commission. And he would give the old man three gold pieces for those

three silver pieces. As you can imagine, after the delight and surprise of this, our

old friend was even happier relaxing in the square. But, there was more

adventure for him as you will not be surprised to know. Another man rushed into

the café in a state of distress saying that he was desperate for wealth that he

could put in his pocket - gold coins would be best. So much so that he would

exchange his warehouse full of blankets if he could find just three gold coins.

And as he was waving the deeds of the warehouse in front of him, our old friend

got up, went with the stranger to just beyond the edge of the square to inspect

the warehouse and found himself, before he knew it, the proud owner of an

amazing new facility. And before he could even begin to contemplate what this

new situation might mean for him, a king’s representative rode into town –

proclaiming that the country was at war and the king needed to buy provisions for

his soldiers and horses – including blankets. The old man spoke up and after

inspecting the warehouse, the king’s soldier gave the old man two bags of gold in

exchange.

It was time to go home and the man arose, placing the bags in his inside jacket

pocket and walked happily back to his house. But he did not know that he was

being followed – by a couple of ruffians that had seen everything that had

happened that morning. And as he approached his house, with his wife waiting

at the gate to greet him, these two scoundrels, jumped on him, threw him to the

ground and took the gold.

Luckily the old man was not seriously hurt and he stumbled up and to his wife.

‘How are you husband’ she asked with alarm ‘and what was it that those two men

took from you?’

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‘Yes I am fine, my dear wife and those men – well they took nothing – just an old

coin.’

When we are low or confused or stuck or angry or grieving we will have a fixed

way of viewing our situation – which often will make the problem larger, more

intractable or more permanent than it need be and keep us highly aroused.

So change your point of view - like moving your chair to another part of the room

so the view is different. It is amazing what you can do without actually trying that

hard.

The trick is to imagine a way to see what is dominating you – as either not so

important or temporary in some way or that there is change underway and it is

not fixed or that you are learning something from the experience.

‘Right now, I am still looking for a better way to study, to work, to meet people’ –

you could say or

‘I am learning a lot and this will help me when I am ready.’ or

‘I have really done well so far and know I will continue to learn and move.’ or

‘When I think back a year ago so much has actually changed – it will be

interesting to see what happens that is different over the next year.’ or

‘Now that I realise that change is always with me, it is a source of comfort in a

strange kind of way. This too will pass.’’ or

‘Sometimes I find it easier to focus on the strong emotion and miss all the good

that I have achieved.’ or

‘How would I be feeling, if I saw my situation differently and if I did see it this way,

what else might change.’

Are you beginning to see aspects of your life differently or could you and by

doing so, how would it be helping you in some way?

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And it is really helpful to see your current concerns and difficulties as the

response to a stressor in your life and a situation where you are not getting an

essential need met and so avoid at all cost the trap of blaming yourself.

This is really important.

Humans are unique in that they can be aware of their feelings and not just be

them. And the emotions you don’t like and that you are instinctively pushing

away (anxieties, rages, resentments, grieving) could be your mind/body’s

communication that you need to take action to get an essential need met or you

will continue to suffer. And your unconscious intelligence instinctively knows

what your needs are and your unconscious normally communicates this by

creating the emotion which is the energy or the motion and movement towards

getting that need met.

So embrace and welcome the emotion. Then give the emotion a name and ask

whether this emotion is guiding you or not to getting your needs met or is

dangerous and excessive and unhelpful.

And be aware if you are blaming yourself for it – that you are mean or unlovable

or unworthy or have anger issues – whatever that means and all that kind of

stuff. Because, how will that help you?

‘When I think about it, it is not surprising that I feel like this – anybody would if

they had been through what I have been through’ – you could say.

I knew someone once who had been told as a child by her parents in all sorts of

ways that she was useless and that no-one would ever want to help her. And so

when she realised that her first husband was a bad man she blamed herself and

when she found that her business was struggling she could not ask for help and

that was her fault also. And it took her time to change this point of view – so that

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she could see her relationships with men as either helping her or not and working

or not and that by opening to all the people who liked and responded to her, that

she could have a business that made money and fulfilled her.

We are can all see our situation differently and one thing that you can begin to do

right now is to practice seeing those aspects of your present, past and future that

you don’t like as different.

Go to the bank and draw on your savings of good memories and strengths to

help you.

And practice this now. So remind yourself of a situation in your past – of an

encounter perhaps that you would like to feel better about. Picture it now – really

see it or feel it or just have a sense of it. What details are there for you? Is there

a location or feelings or a narrative like a video clip.

Now cut and paste. Change one thing about the experience – anything at all -

and allow yourself to feel differently about it – stronger, more protected, happier

and more vibrant. And you could even now fast forward to another similar

situation and change that or notice that as you recall it, that there is a softening of

its own accord and it is just different

And as you observe your emotions now – some strong or weak or positive or

dissatisfied - as these emotions appear to you now, you can choose to take

comfort from the knowledge of your innate and extensive capacities and

resources – and they are emerging from their hiding places

And as you do this you will be able to notice when the emotions you don’t want

are stronger or weaker or absent and what are the thoughts or events or

situations which trigger them..

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And notice those good experiences as in your own time you slowly come back to

a greater state of relaxed awakening in your room.

Fourth Track

By being kinder to yourself in all kinds of ways you are learning to give your

emotions a more comfortable place to inhabit.

And you have begun to listen to what your emotions are saying and if you choose

to, to change the emotions and their triggers. And then you can ride the tiger in

the direction of where you want to go. To use your imagination in the service

of meeting essential needs. In the Goal Setting to Rebalance your Life

download you can learn a lot of what your unmet needs are and how to set the

right goals and how to meet these.

And here are the essential Needs

Safety …Autonomy Wider connections Attention - both giving and receiving

That important person or people Status Achievement Privacy Being

Stretched and Meaning

And you can set goals now from increasing self confidence ….. and control over

your emotions and memories ….. and accessing the memories and emotions of

your past that will help you. This is your savings account - unlimited and deep –

more like an ocean really.

The Sufis have a story of a bird that was kept in a cage. The bird was looked

after well by her owner. He fed her and kept her warm and her cage was close

by a large window so the bird had plenty of light during the long days while the

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owner went to work. But still she was trapped and every day, the bird could see

other birds flying free across the sky. And the bird longed to join them.

And then one day, the owner went to work leaving both the cage door and the

window open. And very soon the bird gingerly hopped out of the cage and onto

the window ledge. And from this vantage point, she could see so much more.

She could see distant mountains and valleys and when the bird looked down she

could see more of the hustle and bustle of what lay before her and all around her.

There were so many other birds and people and all kinds of things. And the bird

just stayed on the ledge - stupefied and amazed and dazed and stayed and

stayed and stayed. And the bird was still there when her owner arrived home.

So he locked the bird up back in her cage where she was again fed and looked

after.

You can move away from that ledge at just the pace you wish. And in fact you

could just circle around for one day or a number of days knowing that the next

day you would be free to go just a little bit further.

So find a solvable problem – with a beginning, middle and clear end. Think

about practical steps and problems you can hold in your hands.

And as you recall your strengths and what you are proud of and your past

pleasures and those qualifications (wherever they are from), are you feeling more

confident about making that move? And unlike that bird you actually know now

where you wish to go.

See yourself meeting that achievable goal right now - armed and protected and

supported by your strengths, knowing that your emotions and feelings are there

to help you. Really see it. Who are you with, how are you walking and talking

and presenting to the world. And as you do this, feel good about it. Build up that

picture of how you are feeling – the satisfaction, the pleasure and control. What

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are you achieving? Building status ….connecting to friends and colleagues in

new and satisfying ways.. . achieving something worthwhile …. Gaining a

measure of control in some part of your life … building defenses to feel safer …

Being private in your own space …. Getting close to someone …. Stretching

yourself and noticing that you have more sense of meaning.

Stronger and stronger is the feeling now, in your body … and expanding … filling

you up.

In a moment, I will count back down from 5 to 1 so that you can slowly begin to

become alert and aware and return to the room.

5 – Begin to be aware of your body differently

4 – Gently returning to the hear and now

3 – Becoming more alert

2 – Getting ready to open those eyes

1 – Opening those eyes now

And make sure that you are fully alert before driving or operating any machinery.

I hope you found real value and insight from this Building Emotional

Resources and Self Confidence Emotion Download audio session. And please

listen to it again and again –so that it really sinks in.

For more information visit londonhumangivens.com and from there you can

access the official human given sites, including their useful and wide ranging

publications. And Read the book Human Givens by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrell,

the founders and still the main teachers of the Human Givens approach.

Thank you

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