Brittany Cunnien’s Feedback 1. Does my thesis statement give the reader a clear idea about what my paper will be discussing? If not, what should I change about it? •&νβσπ;I think your thesis does a good job at informing the reader of what is to come in your paper! The one thing I did notice that was in the paper but not the thesis was the fact that gender roles do play into this whole thing. You made a big point about men shaping women’s interests and that stood out to me! Not saying it needs to be in the thesis but it could be something to incorporate if you feel it needs a little work J 2. Do I have a solid conclusion? Does it give the reader something to think about? If you would change something about it, what would you change?

•&νβσπ;Yes! I thought your conclusion was good! I really liked how you incorporated questions to make the reader thing as well as your own personal ideas for ways society can change how they view women’s sports. If I were to change something about it I’d probably try to break it up a little.. I like the way you incorporated the ways to change how people view women’s sports but I would’ve put that whole bit in a separate paragraph before the conclusion and made the conclusion soley for summing up the paper. I think at a point it seems really long for a conclusion, so even just cutting some parts out, I think that’d help as well if you don’t feel like a whole other paragraph works there J 3) Discuss which two articles the author uses from class, focusing on what they add to the discussion, does more need to be incorporated, and why it was useful to their position.

•&νβσπ;I definitely liked your incorporation of both Mulvey’s and Gross’ articles. I thought Mulvey’s article definitely added a lot of support to your argument regarding women as disrespected and basically seen as “eye candy” for men rather than being discussed for their athletic ability. The one thing about Mulvey’s quote that threw me off though was when you added the one about how women are seen in movies, since you are mostly talking about media like tv and newspapers. Gross’ article’s incorporation really helped back up the whole gender roles thing going on in your paper. It supported your position because it added support to the fact that what is manly is considered the norm. Overall, great use of the sources! 4) In what ways is the thesis statement clearly threaded through the entire draft. If it is not particularly present, suggest ways to make it clearer.

•&νβσπ;I can see your thesis clearly throughout your entire paper. You dedicated ample

amounts of the paper to both how women are seen in media opposed to men and how the insufficient media makes women’s sports less popular in general. As stated before, I think an incorporation of gender roles into the thesis might help! 5) In what ways do you see a balance between ALL 5 sources and the author? If there are not 5 scholarly sources cited plus the 2 in class texts, you should point that out in your response. I definitely see a balance between all 5 sources and the author. You seemed to evenly split up the ways in which you cited as well as using all of your sources effectively. Overall, great paper! Really enjoyed the topic J