Boost your-body-image-with-nlp

BOOST YOUR BODY-IMAGE WITH NLP – NICKRITCHIELIVE.COM

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Just a couple of quick words…

I started writing this book with the intention to add value to those who are on the

same body-image journey I was on, or who are exploring ways to build on the

breakthrough’s they’ve already had, and help any others that they may come who

are on a similar path. Any income I derive from this book is secondary, and most

certainly a latter priority.

If you decided to buy this book from me… Thank you for supporting my work!

When you decide to support my work it helps me to produce more content like

this, so I can go onto help many more people. Every book sold gets me one step

closer to a happier world, where many more people are introduced to the idea

that happiness around your body doesn’t come from changing how you look on

the outside, but from changing how you think about yourself on the inside. This is

the primary message I’m delivering.

If you did not buy this book… I hope that you get a lot of value from it, and that

you really enjoy reading and applying it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If it really

helps you to breakthrough, please consider paying for the book retrospectively by

buying a physical or electronic copy from http://nickritchielive.com and going on

to share it with your friends.

Please feel free to share this book with your friends.

http://nickritchielive.com/


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“When you change the

way you look at your

body, the body you look

at changes.”

~Nick Ritchie


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Table of Contents

How I Started……………………………………………………………………………………………………....4

Body-Image Explained………………………………………………………………………………………….6

Body-Image & NLP……………………………………………………………………………………………….8

About NLP…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..11

How NLP Was Created…………………………………………………………………………………………13

Learning NLP Basics…………………………………………………………………………………………….16

Sensory Acuity…………………………………………………………………………………………………….18

Submodalities…………………………………………………………………………………………………….20

Rapport………………………………………………………………………………………………………………25

Reframing…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..32

Anchoring…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..35

Meta Model………………………………………………………………………………………………………..41

Milton Model……………………………………………………………………………………………………..52

Hypnotic Script…………………………………………………………………………………………………..75

Scale Tipping………………………………………………………………………………………………………79

Modelling…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..81

Empowering Yourself…………………………………………………………………………………………85

Where to Now……………………………………………………………………………………………………89

About The Author………………………………………………………………………………………………90


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How I Started

Growing up for me was really no different from anyone else. I had the ups and

downs of going through the traditional schooling system, battling my own inner

demons and outer nemesis. It always seemed as though life was constantly

throwing me hardballs… From the get-go my father was sentenced to life

imprisonment as my 17 year old teen mother was trying to bring up a two year

old me, while giving birth to my younger brother. I struggled through school with

bullies constantly using me as a bulls eye for their latest amusements, and

teachers constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough and that I needed to work

harder if I wanted to get a good job. But somewhere along the line, I also

developed a range of issues around the way I looked, and at the age of around 10

years old, I found myself screaming hateful thoughts at myself in front of the

mirror. This way of thinking about myself went on to affect the way I thought of

others, and subsequently, the way they treated me. Later on, I was fortunate

enough to attract some mentors into my life who really helped me to

breakthrough a lot of my past baggage and teach me an entirely new way of

thinking and attitude towards life.

When I first heard of NLP I was sitting across from one of my business mentors as

he was sharing his insights with me about personal development and how the

rate in which you grow as a person, was in direct relation to the rate in which

your business grows. He leaned in and said, “Nick, if you want to grow a highly

successful (and profitable) business, you’re going to have to commit to growing

yourself every single day.” Several of my business (and personal) mentors during

this time all felt the same way, and so I thought to myself, “There must be

something to all of this personal growth stuff!” And I’ve never looked back…

NLP just happened to be one of the tools my mentor used to help create change

with the people he worked with, and when I asked him how he came to develop

such an extraordinary ability to help people breakthrough their ‘issues’ he shared

that he had sat an NLP course and that taught him a lot of very useful techniques


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in belief system change, and altering people’s perceptions and subsequently, their

reality – in a way that served them towards a happier more fulfilled life.

Well that sounded really cool to me, and so the seed was planted, that I needed

to grow, and that one of the things I could do along my journey to grow, was to

learn NLP, and that’s just what I did.


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Body-Image Explained

Body-Image refers to how a person feels about their physical body, and this is

broken down into how they feel about the level of aesthetics and sexual

attractiveness they think they possess. Aesthetics encompassing the shape,

weight and proportions of the body, and sexual attractiveness referring to how

‘sexy’ they think they are (or are not) to the opposite sex (or same sex if one is

homosexual).

From the moment we are born as a (mostly) clean slate, there are many factors in

our environment both inside and outside of us that can create poor body-image

from cultural and social ideals, to past personal experiences along with what

some say are biological predispositions. Biological predispositions in my opinion,

are misguided in that we are all predisposed to the elements around us, yet how

we respond to those elements determines the result we get. We know for a fact,

that poor nutrition leads to a lack of function in the brain which can result in

various symptoms such as depression and anxiety, but as with everything we

experience, the power lies within ourselves to create the changes we want.

Poor Body-Image is also not something we are born with, therefore it is

something that is gradually developed over-time. For many people, poor body-

image is perpetuated through a series of frequent comparisons. Comparing their

hips to that person, their arms to that person, their waist and legs to that person,

and their butt and shoulders to that other person – do you notice where this is

going? The more comparisons you make, the worse your body-image becomes.

Some comparisons were made at a very early age, through a child’s impression of

the world, and thus, tend to be much more distorted than a comparison made as

an adult. Sometimes that requires us to dig into our past and turn over a new leaf

with that memory (so to speak), and other times it doesn’t. As with everything,

the approach to therapy varies depending on the individual.


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History shows us that in many cultures there has existed ideals among society of

the way the perfect body should look, which the people have always struggled to

live up to. To show how far reaching these ideals are in our own western culture

we only need to look around to see how prevalent the emphasis on beauty truly

is. In fact, a large study was recently completed by the American Psychological

Association finding that the sexualization of women was contributing to increased

anxiety associated with body-image.

In fact, body-image has become such a problem in our western culture that we

don’t even notice it exists; because almost everyone has the same issues! In one

of the largest international studies on body-image conducted (which spanned

over 10 countries), 3200 women were interviewed and the researchers found that

only 2% considered themselves beautiful, and nearly 50% believed they were too

fat.

There are many factors associated with developing a poor body-image, and so

awareness around what causes it, and how it is perpetuated helps provide us with

a launching pad to breakthrough it.


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Body-Image & NLP

Body-Image in itself, has a lot to do with how we perceive the world around us,

and NLP is an extremely valuable tool in changing our MAP (view of the world)

which subsequently changes our experience (for the better). I found this with my

own experience of learning about NLP, and how my mind works, I was better able

to let go of old negative habits, and replace them with newer more empowering

habits. Habits of thinking, as I call them, are perpetuated by us in our repeated

efforts of thought. Much of body-image is unconscious, meaning we are not

consciously (on the surface level) always aware of the thoughts that are running

through our minds, and as such, NLP is a powerful tool in modifying our

unconscious thinking habits to create a completely different conscious outcome.

Although in some people, negative body-image can lead to mental illnesses such

as eating disorders, depression or anorexia, this is not always the case for

everyone. But do keep in mind that men are not exempt from negative body-

image; Recent research suggests that many men wish to become leaner and more

muscular like they see on the covers of men’s magazine covers, or what they

perceived as children when playing with action figurines or watching cartoons of

muscular heroes. In a recent study, western men, compared to their Asian

counter-parts, wished to gain an additional 30 pounds of muscle mass than they

perceived they currently had. In a survey completed by Psychology Today,

researchers found that 56% of women and 40% of men were dissatisfied with

their overall appearance. To the modern western man, it appears as though a link

between the amount of muscle mass and their level of masculinity has been

created, which is in my opinion, a false expectation. NLP is valuable in making

adjustments to the way in which these men are perceiving masculinity, through a

series of processes that I will explain and (share how to use), throughout this

book.

In a recent survey women were asked, what was the first thing they noticed about

other woman when out with friends, and the majority of the respondents replied,

“How fat she is.” Continuing, the researchers found that women had an average


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of 13 negative things to say about themselves each day such as, “I hate my

stomach”, “I hate my thighs” or “I’m ugly”. In an even larger international survey,

researchers found that 90% of women aged 15 to 64 want to change at least one

thing about their body, most of all their body weight. So we understand that the

majority of people are affected in some way by poor body-image, it’s just that

because this way of thinking about ourselves is so widely accepted amongst

society, it’s difficult for many people to realize they have a problem, or could even

do something about it if they knew they were struggling. Body-Image is so

emphasized throughout our culture that even girls as young as five have strong

ideas about weight, such as “fat is bad” and “skinny is good”. These perceptions

around the body are created so early for most people that we tend to accept

them as truth, and thus, live our lives according to that truth (or world-view).

When in actual reality, those perceptions are completely false because ideals are

subjective, and that means we are living our lives according to a false sense of

reality, in much the same way that a person with depression believes that the

world is an unhappy place to live in, when in actual reality, the world is what we

make of it.

Body-Image can be measured by comparing yourself to images of what you think

the ideal body should look like. When making the comparisons, the difference

between how you perceive your body, and the ‘ideal body’ is what determines

the level of dissatisfaction (if any). Researchers have found a link between body

dissatisfaction and women who smoke cigarettes, along with a discomfort around

engaging in behaviors associated with intimate relationships, such as being able

to express their sexuality fully. What if there were a series of switches we could

flick that would automatically change the way we perceived our bodies and

ourselves, so we could go on to feel completely comfortable with ourselves (and

enjoy intimate relationships in the way we desire)? With NLP there are a variety

of techniques and tools that allow for that to happen, which will be explored in

this book.

As you continue reading I want you to decide to set your intention (on what you

wish to achieve) by absorbing the information contained within this book. The


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clearer you are on what you wish to gain from reading this book, the more value

you will receive as a result of that intention.

Now that you’ve set your intention on what you would most like to gain from

reading this book, let’s continue exploring NLP together…


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About NLP

Later on when people would ask me what NLP was and how it helped me, I found

myself saying things like, “Have you heard of Anthony Robbins? That’s what he

does, he helps people breakthrough stuff, that’s sort of what NLP is.” And I would

get a slightly ambiguous look from people, as if they sort of new what I was

talking about, but were also still confused. Then I tried having them imagine that

their mind was like a computer, and that NLP was the software that allowed you

to reconfigure the way the computer operated. That got me a little further, but I

still had similar confused looks, and that’s because NLP really is such a wide field

of study. There’s so many applications, that it can be tricky to define it in one

single conversation (unless the person has a good half an hour with you).

NLP can also be defined as a tool or skill that allows you to find out the difference

between people who excel in a particular area, and those who don’t. Once you’ve

found what the difference is, NLP can then allow you to take those bread crumbs

of excellence (so to speak), and follow the trail so that you can eventually reach

that same level of excellence quicker and easier than the originator. Almost like

uploading a new piece of software on your computer.

If you wanted to excel in acting, then you would use NLP to study some of the

Oscar award winning actors such as Al Pacino or Robert De Niro. NLP would allow

you to find out what they do in their minds before getting on set and acting that

allowed them to create the type of results on film that you see today – like the

movie Scarface. Maybe you want to feel really good about your body, and so you

seek out someone who feels really good about their body, and you use NLP to

study the way they think about themselves, their body, and how they perceive

the world, and then you apply what you’ve learned to your own experience – by

uploading that program for your own use. Kind of like in the movie, The Matrix,

where Neo gets plugged in and taught a range of martial arts in only a few hours

and in that defining moment he sits up from the chair and looking at Morpheus

says, “I know Kung Fu…”


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This is why NLP is called, “The art and science of personal excellence.”

NLP is broken down into three core parts:

Neuro… This relates to the way we process our experience through the five

senses of touch, sight, smell, hearing, and taste. As the signals get interpreted by

us, they are then converted into signals that are sent through our central nervous

system where they are then converted in the brain as meaning.

Linguistic… This relates to the way in which we perceive our world through verbal

or non-verbal communication. Information enters our central nervous system,

and then gets decoded by our brain so that we can assimilate that information.

This includes pictures, sounds, tastes, smells and words (self-talk).

Programming… This relates to how we go through a particular pattern inside our

head that leads to a specific outcome almost every time.

To sum it up, NLP is the technology of using the already pre-set processes of the

mind to create a specific result quickly and easily.


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How NLP Was Created

In relative terms, NLP is still in its infancy compared to many other behavioral

change technologies, however the basics of NLP began a very long time ago.

A man by the name of Alfred Korzybski studied the behavioral patterns of the

people in society of the 1940’s and later released a book called Science and Sanity

that broke down the key challenges that people had who were suffering from any

number of diagnosed mental issues. He shared a particularly interesting

phenomenon when he said, “Almost all psychological problems are the result of

the inability of a person to traverse logical levels.” What’s interesting is that he

described that in the future there would be a way to describe the processes of a

human being, and that is what we today call Neuro-Linguistic-Programming (NLP).

In the 1970’s Richard Bandler and Frank Pucelik were friends who had a desire to

heal themselves of their unpleasant pasts, and in turn, they came across Gestalt

Therapy (a form of psychotherapy). They studied in great detail what Fritz Perls

(the founder of Gestalt Therapy) was teaching as part of the program, and as a

result, they found they were really good at copying the processes Fritz was

describing (modeling). In fact, Bandler and Pucelik became so good at modeling

Gestalt Therapy, that they began teaching it in classrooms as a form of therapy

for other people who wanted to breakthrough their own past emotional baggage.

Their techniques and teachings became so well known that they caught the

attention of John Grindler, a professor of linguistics.

Grindler just watched them for a few weeks and then after careful consideration,

approached the two men and asked them if they knew how what they were doing

was working. Grindler had a gift of being able to breakdown the specific structure

(linguistically) of what they were doing, and offer that up as a process that could

be duplicated. Before working with him, Bandler and Pucelik did not really know

why their methods worked. They had just become really good at copying what


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worked. They all began working together, and as a result, formulated a

linguistically structured science which was then called “Meta.”

Over the years, they created Neuro-Linguistic-Programming after working

tirelessly with no financial backing and ridicule from people who were apparently

‘well studied’ in psychotherapy and psychology. During this time, Pucelik split

from the group and went his own way due to various disagreements. Bandler and

Grindler then locked arms and began even more rigorous exploration of this new

technology.

In the early days, there was much experimentation and testing from various

people who decided to join them on their quest to advance the understandings of

human internal processes for the benefit of people world-wide. During this time,

many people contributed to the development of Neuro-Linguistic-Programming

and that is where the idea of NLP comes from; having the ability to find someone

who’s reached a particular level of excellence in any given field, and to learn

exactly how that result is produced. That all starts from a simple question of,

“How do I take that behavior and apply it to myself to get the same results?” You

then follow the bread crumbs (clues) to achieve that same level of excellence.

The three people they copied (or modelled) were Fritz Perls, Virginia Satir and

Milton Erickson. As these people were considered at the time to be the top

behavioral change experts in the world, creating huge shifts in the people whom

they worked with. NLP all begins with an attitude of curiosity to find out how

someone does something, and when we look at a human being who does

something that appears truly magical and remarkable we only have to ask the

question, “How does this person behave this way, despite their current

circumstances?”

Bandler and Grindler went on to produce their first two books in 1975 and have

gone on to release many more volumes since then. Once they had produced

those books, their material began being picked and read by psychotherapists and

psychologists (and other behavioral change professionals) with many of their

previous nemesis’ (people who ridiculed them) calling them for advice and help


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with many of their own patients (funnily enough). After the huge interest in these

books, and their work, they continued to develop the technology of NLP and

studied Milton Erickson who’s apparently one of the best hypnotherapists of our

time, and from this, published another book called Patterns of the Hypnotic

Techniques of Milton Erickson, Volumes 1 and 2. These books contained the basis

of a new model called the Milton Model, which works by using vague language,

and inserting generalizations, distortions and deletions into people’s language

and thoughts. Fascinatingly enough, the Milton Model is almost the complete

opposite of their original Meta Model, but both somehow managed to get very

consistent results. This new birth in behavioral change technology proved Alfred

Korzybski correct; by traversing logical levels it is possible for problems to just

disappear.

But this all turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg for Bandler and Grindler, as

they began exploring these concepts and information further, taking their original

models and expanding them further. Perceptual positions, representational

systems and reframing submodalities were all new tools they had created

following their initial work, and began to be picked up more and more by people

in the behavioral change professions. This prompted Bandler and Grindler to

produce additional books and seminars as their work became more popular and

sought after. The work that they produced from the 1970’s to today, has created

a large body of information, tools and techniques that have not only improved the

lives of many others, but have gone on to inspire many other people to learn NLP

and create their own versions, books and seminars on the subject.

These days NLP is regarded world-wide as being one of the most influential tools

for producing positive results in the way people perceive themselves, the world

within them, and the world around them. This technology became mega-popular

starting in the 1980’s and 1990’s with huge personalities like Anthony Robbins

using it to improve the lives of millions of people across the globe. As our

awareness as a society increases around the areas of personal empowerment and

responsibility, NLP and the tools that it offers will become more easily available

and accessible every day.


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Learning NLP Basics

Why would you want to learn the basics of NLP? Sometimes one of the most

empowering things someone can do when they suffer from poor body-image and

self-esteem, is to learn how their mind works. Learning how your mind works, will

in-turn allow you to become more aware of what is going on when you feel a

negative emotion (or positive one for that matter), and to make adjustments

accordingly. The first step to any change, is awareness. Once you are aware of

something, you can change it. But if you’re running around looking for a hole in

the ground with a blindfold on, you’re going to trip over it a few times, but you’ll

never find the gold buried deep within until you regain your sight and find the

map. NLP increases your awareness of yourself and the way you think about your

body, thus lifting the blindfold of ignorance, and shining a new light on the way

you perceive yourself and the world around you. In saying that, the beauty of NLP

is that it doesn’t matter what areas of NLP you learn, because every single

technique can be applied to improve any area of your life immediately (not only

body-image). Now there are some basic concepts that we can cover right away to

get you started with boosting your body-image using NLP, so let’s get started with

those, which are:

1. Sensory Acuity

2. Submodalities

3. Rapport

4. Reframing

5. Anchoring

6. Meta Model

7. Milton Model

8. Modelling

The area of sensory acuity is really valuable in becoming an effective

communicator (with others, and yourself), and for becoming good at applying NLP

to your own life. It gives you the ability to notice the most subtle changes in


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yourself and others, so that you can easily sync with them. As you become

familiar with these slight changes in others, you’ll be able to derive clues from

what they might be thinking at the time that have resulted in the changes to the

outside of them. From noticing these changes, it allows us to develop a high level

of rapport, which is highly important in our relations with others, whether that be

in a personal relationship with a friend, family member or lover, or in a business

context like sales or leadership. Submodalities relate to how we process our

internal experience (how we structure our thoughts). Rapport is all about

strengthening our connection with others, quickly and easily. Reframing is the

process of shifting our perception of an experience (usually) after it has occurred.

Have you ever heard a song come on, and then found yourself remembering a

past experience and almost reliving it? Anchoring is the process in which you

respond according to a particular signal. Your response can be programmed to

help you to reach a desirable state at will, rather than be at effect all the time.

The Meta and Milton Models are ways of speaking that allow you to make

powerful behavioral change quickly and easily within conversation (with yourself)

or another person. Modeling is the pattern where all of NLP has been created,

and once you’ve developed this ability, you’ll be able to create any behavior or

attitude as you so wish. During this book, I’ll be sharing the basics of these six

techniques along with specific stories that illustrate how to apply them, along

with things you can do right away to begin using them in your everyday life

starting today.

As you learn and develop these techniques, you’ll already have a vastly higher

amount of knowledge and ability to create change within yourself (and others),

than most other people you know who have not yet read this book.

It’s my intention that by the end of this book, that you’ve not only learned and

developed your understanding of NLP and some of the techniques, but also that

you’re applying them to improve the way you look at yourself, how you feel about

yourself and your body, and your life is ultimately better as a result. Get excited,

interested and curious, and test out this new knowledge at every chance you can

during your day to day life.


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Sensory Acuity

People make tiny little changes moment to moment, that most of us are

completely unaware of. Interestingly enough, these changes reflect the internal

thinking processes of the person at that time. When one of the creators modelled

Milton Erickson, he observed that people make changes in their physiology in a

split second, without knowing they are even doing it! If you stay attentive to

these changes within yourself and others, you’ll gain new understandings of

what’s going on inside.

In NLP, these are some of the basic areas that we focus on with a person’s

physiology:

Breathing speed (are they breathing faster or slower?)

Skin color (is it darker or lighter?)

Pupil dilation (are their pupils bigger or smaller?)

Skin tone (are the muscles tighter or more loose?)

Lower lip size (is it bigger or smaller?)

Breaking location (are they breathing from the chest or stomach?)

Eye focus (are they eyes less or more focused?)

There are many other areas of the body that you can pay attention to that will

allow you to gain further insight into what’s going on inside someone’s mind, but

these are a good starting point. During a speaking event, Anthony Robbins

noticed one of the audience members going into a trance-like state and later he

was asked how he knew, where he replied, “I could tell because her eyes began

dilating the more she went into trance.” As your ability to read people (using

sensory acuity) improves, so will your communication abilities.

As a Personal Trainer (one of my past professions), I remember many occasions

where I would routinely ask my clients whether or not they had stuck to their

exercise program throughout the week, or if they had skipped a few days… I

remember one particular day a client came in and I looked up and said, “Good


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morning! How are you feeling on this wonderful morning?!” And she said, “Really

good!” I replied, “That’s excellent, and how have you been going over the week,

since I last saw you?” And she said, “Yeah, good…” I asked, “Did you follow the

program I laid out for you?” And she answered, “Yeah, kinda…” But I could

already tell from the slight changes in her skin tone, and pupil dilation that she

had skipped at least a day or two, so I said, “You skipped a couple of days, huh?”

And she grinned, “How did you know?!” I replied with a laugh, “Because it’s

written all over your face, ha ha!”

I could have even asked her to purposely lie to me, and I would have been able to

tell when she was lying and when she was not. In fact, I could quiz her and even

before she opened her mouth, I could tell if what she was going to say was a lie,

and what was her truth.

This is an example of how sensory acuity can greatly improve your ability to read

people, and to gain an understanding of how they process thought. Basically, you

can read what they are thinking before they say it, based upon skin color,

tightness, eye, lip and breathing changes. These are all subtle changes that can be

picked up on if you have developed your sensory acuity.

Many people also respond differently, so for one person their pupils dilate and

their breathing becomes chesty when they lie, whereas for another none of those

changes occur and instead their lip swells a little and their cheeks tighten.

Now that you’re aware of sensory acuity, you can begin practicing on friends,

family or anyone whom you come in contact with (just for fun of course)!


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Submodalities

Submodalities refer to the internal representational systems that help us to

experience our environment. These are the smallest distinctions that occur at a

level that most of us are completely unaware of (at least until your attention is

brought upon them). If your submodalities were tiny droplets of water, your

thoughts would be oceans (in a sense). Our submodalities help us to remember

our experiences, whether past, present or imagined, through what we feel, see,

hear, smell and taste. Each droplet of water (or submodality) contributes to the

overall ocean of experience of a thought. When we change the way we

experience that droplet of water, we change the thought (or the way we think).

NLP breaks the submodalities down into the five main senses:

Kinesthetic (Feeling): This relates to texture, temperature, pressure, location,

vibration and frequency.

Auditory (Sound): This relates to volume, tempo, timbre, clarity, location, pitch,

tempo, rhythm, digital, duration and distance.

Auditory (Digital): This relates to calculating, precise, analytics and

understanding.

Visual (Sight): This relates to shape, size, color, brightness, contrast, movement,

speed, clarity, location, three-dimensional/flat, transparency, orientation, density,

framed/panoramic, associated/disassociated.

Olfactory (Smell): This relates to potency, aroma, odor, scent.

Gustatory (Taste): This relates to flavor, bitterness, sour, savory.


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The three main submodalities are Kinesthetic, Auditory and Visual; this is because

most of us rely primarily on these representational systems for experiencing the

world around us and within us - with most people having a primary reliance on

one of the three (either Kinesthetic, Auditory or Visual). You can easily learn

about which primary representational system someone uses by being aware of

the cues they give you through the way they express themselves.

A visual person… Will tend to verbally communicate through using words such as,

“looks”, “appears”, “watched”, “sighted”, “see” etc.

A kinesthetic person… Will communicate through words such as, “feels”, “felt”,

“touched”, “warm”, “rough”, “soft”, “hard”, “gripping” etc.

An auditory person… Will communicate through words like, “listen”, “hear”,

“sounds”, “musical” etc.

Your Primary Representation System

Which representational system do you use most predominantly? As I shared

above, most people have a primary representational system of either visual,

auditory or kinesthetic. You may have already worked out which one you mainly

use, or if you haven’t yet, you can that find out by matching which description

matches you the most below.

Visual: Visual people gravitate towards describing their experience by saying

things like, “I was looking out over the crystal clear blue water, as I stood on the

shoreline watching the children enjoy the bright panoramic views of the ocean.”

When asked about a prior experience, will usually respond by describing their

thoughts as images, pictures or something they saw, and will often see these

thoughts as such.


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Kinesthetic: Kinesthetic people move towards describing their experience by

saying things like, “I could feel the crunch of the sand beneath my toes as the cool

refreshing water washed over my legs, sending shivers down my spine as the icy

wind cut through me, drying the water from my body.” When describing a prior

experience, they will regularly talk about getting a grip on something, or how

much they were touched by an experience, and they will usually feel something

inside as they are recalling it.

Auditory: Auditory people are prone to narrating an experience with language

such as, “Hearing the sound of the waves crash, I turned my head to the side to

listen to the gulls squawking and the children playing, as I muted my mother’s

voice from my mind.” When recalling they will usually comment on how it rings a

bell and sounds to them as they rhythmically process the experience.

By now you may have enough clues to estimate which representational system is

your primary. If you’re not super clear on it yet, that’s okay as you’ll still be able

to continue digesting the information contained in this book, and may perhaps

pick up on it as you read further.

Practical Application

Using submodalities we can quickly and easily make changes to our experience by

using specific techniques that alter the perception of the perceived event. Here, I

will outline a few basic patterns you can use for each representational system in

order to change your experience. In much the same way putting on sunglasses,

headphones or a swimsuit changes your response to sunlight, outer noises or

water temperature, submodality patterns change your response to thought. For

example, I might think of a time when I was last with my wife… “We are at the

beach and I can see [visual] the sun glowing on her face, and I can feel

[kinesthetic] my heart beating lovingly in my chest, as I hear [auditory] her soft

voice whispering in my ear…” And as I see [visual example] that movie playing in

my mind, I turn the brightness up, and I notice I feel stronger about the

experience. This is just one example of how by using NLP adjustment patterns, I


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can subsequently change my experience when I think of that particular time (in

this case, for the better). I’m now going to give you a series of patterns to

complete, and once you’ve done them, I want you to revert back to the original

thought, and continue reading.

For Visual People: Think of a recent experience that was pleasurable for you. It

could be a time when you were out with friends, with someone special, had just

achieved something significant, or maybe you were enjoying time on your own.

Whatever the experience, I want you to clearly focus on it in your mind, and as you

do, I want you to experience what it’s like to…

[1] Change the color: Shift the color from intense bright colors to black and white.

[2] Change the transparency: Make it transparent so you can see through it.

[3] Change the distance: Move it from very close to very far away.

For Kinesthetic People: Think of a recent experience that was pleasurable for you.

It could be a time when you were out with friends, with someone special, had just




[1] Change the location: Move the location from chest to stomach, high/low.

[2] Change the temperature: Shift the temperature from hot to cold.

[3] Change the pressure: Make it tighter or looser.

For Auditory People: Think of a recent experience that was pleasurable for you. It

could be a time when you were out with friends, with someone special, had just





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[1] Change the volume: Make it louder and then quieter.

[2] Change the clarity: Alter it from clear to distorted.

[3] Change the tempo: Shift the tempo from fast to slow.

This is an example of how changing your thoughts, changes your response. After

this exercise it should become extremely apparent to you that it is the way you

think about and process your experiences, that is both the source of your

happiness and your frustrations, rather than anything outside of you. When we

experience something outside of ourselves, our representational systems kick in

and give that experience an instant meaning. If we change the way our

representational systems respond, we change our internal response, and thus,

our experience. There are many examples of experiences that have occurred in

our lives that we have perceived completely differently than how they actually

happened, because of the distortions we created through our internal filters.

The same applies when we see an image of someone on a billboard with writing

next to it that says, “This means beautiful”, or when your friend comments on

how “gorgeous” the girl walking across the street is. It’s not the writing or your

friend’s comment that causes the problem, it’s your response to it. If you change

the way you look at body-image and beauty, you change your response. This is all

done using NLP to re-program parts of the way you think so you can perceive

other people’s ideals around beauty without feeling as though it’s some kind of

personal attack or contrast against the way you already look.

We change the world around us, by changing the way we perceive it, and

subsequently respond to it. This is a much faster and more effective way to build

a happier world (from within), than trying to change the way the media, society or

our culture portrays beauty.


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Rapport

There’s a great saying out there by Anthony Robbins, and that is, “People like

people who are like them.” Now because everyone is unique in their own way, it’s

virtually impossible to be identical to someone in every waking minute of your

life, but it is possible to notice the way they behave and then to match and mirror

them for the outcome of strengthening your connection and rapport with that

person. Perhaps a good example of being in rapport is when you’ve been with

someone and it’s seemed like the two of you could almost finish each other’s

sentences, as if you’re sharing the one mind, as if time stood still. By developing

your ability to gain rapport with others, you can find yourself sharing in that same

level of connection and of being in sync with people who’ve you’ve only just met.

Perhaps you may be introduced to someone of the opposite sex (or same) who

you’ve heard a lot about, and you’re wanting to make those first impressions

count. Maybe you’re interested in feeling comfortable with just about everyone

whom you come in contact with, regardless of how you think you might look to

them on the outside. You’re ability to build rapport will help with much of this

and so much more.

Rapport was developed during the practice of hypnosis where the person you’re

with feels as though time stands still, as if the only reality is the one the two of

you are inhabiting. You’re in such a state of rapport with the other person that

you’ve fully captivated the attention of their unconscious mind, and they are

following you with ease. With NLP, there’s no need to be engaged in that level of

rapport, however you’ll find that during the process of being in rapport with

another person, that you’ll be constantly be moving through waves of being more

in rapport some times, and less other times, and this constant state of pulling and

pushing will be a constant in most of your interactions with others and is perfectly

normal. It’s just in this case, you’re now aware of your ability to make or break

rapport, and that will dramatically improve your experience (and theirs) during

your time together, however long or short that may be.


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The quicker and easier you move into rapport with another person, the more you

will increase your level of connection and interaction with them. The higher your

level of rapport, the more powerfully and easily you will be able to resolve their

presenting issue or problem. So how do you help someone to like, trust and

connect with you faster and easier?

We understand that communication is both verbal and non-verbal. Meaning, it’s

not just what you say that matters, but how you say it. The how you say it part,

can also be categorized under body language too, or better speaking, what you do

(or don’t do) with your body. Developing your ability to gain rapport, involves

being acutely aware of not only your own body language, but also the body

language of others. Everyone speaks in their own body-language, and as such, if

you speak in someone else’s language, you’re much more likely to be understood

by them than if you are not. Take for example, my wife and me. When we are

together we often notice each other slipping into deep rapport quickly and easily.

Sometimes we will look down and notice our legs and tapping at the same pace,

that our breathing has slowed to the same in-out rhythm, or that we find

ourselves knowing what the other person is going to say before they say it.

Some people may put this down to just knowing someone well by spending

extended amounts of time with them. However, regardless of the amount of time

spent, it’s still obvious that you’re easily able to get into rapport with that person.

So how is that any different from meeting that stranger and hitting it off for the

first time? Perhaps you’ve had an experience like that where you’re meeting

several people at a social gathering, and one particular person you come into

contact with, you just find the conversation and interaction is much easier and

more relaxed than with anyone else you spoke with at the gathering. At the time,

you were probably unaware of that fact you were both in rapport, or how you got

there, but somehow you did it. As we all do it naturally with certain people. It’s

just in the case of being aware of the process of rapport through NLP, you can

consciously create that same level of rapport with just about anyone who you

chose to come in contact with.


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Over time, you’ll be able to develop your ability to consciously and powerfully

create strong rapport with people whom you come in contact with, and this may

start out as taking 5-10 minutes, and come down to as little as a couple of

minutes – if that.

Building rapport is made of up two main components, pacing and leading. Pacing

is where you begin mirroring the person for a certain period of time. You may

begin with moving your body language into the same (or similar) posture they’re

in, such as cross legged, or cross armed, breathing at the same tempo as them, or

even scratching your head when they do (don’t do this for too long, or too

obviously, or it will become obvious). Once you’ve found a sufficient tempo in

pacing, then you can shift over to leading, where you then begin moving in a

different way at a different pace and they will begin following you – you’re

leading them. Here are some things you can look out for when getting in rapport

with pacing them:

Words:

Common experiences and associations

Predicates

Content chunks

Key words

Physiology:

Posture

Breathing

Facial expressions

Blinking

Gestures

Tonality:

Volume (loudness)

Tempo (speed)

Tone (pitch)

Timbre (quality)


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Now that you’re aware of some of the things you can look out for, you can begin

studying how other people use their verbal and non-verbal language (vocal and

body), and using that as a gauge to begin building rapport with others. In fact, I

remember when I was much younger and I was first playing around with some of

these NLP techniques, and I decided to go to a bar to test out how well this would

work with complete strangers who didn’t even know I existed.

Matching

I sat down at a bar-side window and found someone who was sitting alone,

sipping on their drink. I made a note not to look in their direction, and using my

peripheral vision, I began pacing them. When they moved their arm up to their

head, I moved my arm up to my head. When they looked around to their left, I

looked around to my left. When they breathed in heavily, I breathed in heavily.

When they got on their phone and started talking, I put my phone up to my ear

and started talking. When they took a sip of their drink, I took a sip of my drink…

And sure enough, after a few minutes of this, they turned around and looked me

directly in the eye and smiled. So matching is really just the ability to effectively

match what the other person is doing (verbally and non-verbally).

If you’re going to verbally match someone, then you may perhaps use the same

words they use in a differently structured sentence. For example, if you’ve just

met up with someone and they say, “I’ve had a great day, I’ve just been relaxing

down at the beach, enjoying the hot sunny weather while I read my book…” And

you reply, “That’s great, it’s a pretty hot sunny day today, and a great day for the

beach that’s for sure, what sort of book are you reading?”


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Mirroring

Mirroring is almost identical to matching, only if they scratch their head with their

left hand, you would sit across from them and scratch your head with your right

hand, and in this way you would be mirroring part of their body-language.

Needless to say, our ability to gain rapport with others is not only localized to our

immediate environment. We have the ability to project much more of our inner

world, verbal and non-verbal communication out to the world around us that

causes people in the same space and time, to naturally gravity towards us. This is

why I always say that our inner world is reflected through our outer world. The

way we respond to it, and the way others respond to us, is directly interwoven

with our conscious and unconscious thinking processes.

Just a quick note… If you are matching and mirroring without the other person

becoming consciously aware of it, then you are doing it well. If the other person

becomes consciously aware of your matching and mirroring, then that means you

are mimicking them, and this does the complete opposite of what you want. In

saying that, in some cases I have been purposefully obvious with my actions and

the other person hasn’t noticed it. So for the majority of your interactions, it’s

very unlikely that someone will notice what you’re doing, and bring it to your

attention. Only people specifically trained in NLP are more likely to pick up on

what you’re doing, because they are trained to look for the most subtle of cues

already.

How do you know when you’ve been pacing for long enough, and that you’re

finally in deep rapport with the other person? You know you’re in rapport

because you’ll gain a comfortable feeling inside, that may come to you in the

expression of a warm feeling in your chest or stomach, or it may come as a

calmness of mind. As you become more and more trained in using this technique,

you’ll notice this feeling of getting into rapport a lot more profoundly.


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Once you’ve been pacing for long enough and you can tell that you’re in rapport,

it’s time to begin testing out your leading. I’m not saying that you need to turn

into a drill sergeant and drive the troops into battle. What I am saying, is that you

can now start doing things that the other person will be more likely to imitate

(unconsciously).

Back to my story, so after this person at the bar smiled at me, I wandered over

smiling casually at them and asked them if they had noticed how commentator on

the big screen in front of us kept repeating the same word “real” in almost every

sentence. I placed my glass down, and then a moment later I picked it up and took

a sip, and just as I did that, this person picked theirs up and did the same. I was

astonished! So I tried something else, while in conversation, I assumed a similar

standing position to them and began tapping my foot ever so slightly, and much

to my dismay, they started doing the same almost immediately after (they were

copying me!). It didn’t take long before this person began treating me a lot

differently, than what a supposed stranger would typically, and this is a good

example of leading. If you’ve developed enough rapport, you’ll find that the other

person will quickly and easily begin mirroring you and will warm to you in a way

that you may not usually expect from strangers.

When it comes to boosting your body-image and developing your ability to gain

rapport, this is an area that’s often overlooked in the change process. Often times

when people with poor body-image are interacting with others, they are so

caught up with what’s going on inside of them (with what other people think of

them), that they can completely misinterpret the signals they are receiving from

others. This can cause a lot of unnecessary confusion and embarrassment when

all they had to do was focus on the verbal and non-verbal responses they were

receiving from the other person.

And on a side note: There’s no need to be concerned about what other people

are thinking of you. What other people think of you, is none of your business.

Now, that we’ve covered that, you can begin practicing this technique anywhere

you like. With friends, family, the local pet store attendant or even the retail sales


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people at the mall. When I’ve practiced this in those areas, I’ve found that I’ve

often received much better service than perhaps I would have, had I not gone to

the effort to develop rapport with the person serving me. Give the technique of

developing rapport plenty of practice and it will reward you in more ways than

one, with people close to you, people serving you, or even people you’re

coaching.


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Reframing

Reframing refers to the adjustment of a person’s sensory experience. People will

often interpret an experience as negative, and then later change their perception

of that experience to one of a positive nature. Reframing allows the person to

change their perception immediately, as opposed to later on in the future. An

example of a reframe would be when someone complains of how their outdoor

picnic is being ruined by the rain that’s just started pouring, and you say, “Rain or

no rain, it’s still possible to have fun. Let’s cover the food and dance in the rain

until it passes!”

Therefore the meaning of any experience, is dependent upon the frame we place

upon it. A negative orientated frame will lead to a negative perception, whereas a

positive frame will lead to a positive perception and experience. So when we

change the frame of an event, we change the meaning, and subsequently our

response to that event. For example, if someone goes to an event dressed as an

angel, the meaning is different depending on whether it is Halloween or a funeral.

My response to someone being pushed in the ocean, is different as an observer

than as a victim.

Just as we can change our response to a painting or piece of art by placing it in a

different frame, we can change our response to an experience by placing the

experience in a different frame – this is what it means to reframe an experience.

When wanting to reframe an experience, we always come from a place of

wanting a positive outcome for the person whom you are reframing. Of course

there are those out there who run reframes on people all the time, that lead to a

negative outcome for the recipients, however they make up the few, not the

majority. Here are some simple steps to follow when you wish to reframe the

meaning or context of an experience that someone has perceived. Many times

once we learn these steps, we also tend to reframe our own experiences


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(sometimes verbally out loud, or non-verbally in our heads) to create a better

response, thus a better experience in our lives.

[1] Sensory Acuity: Notice how the person you’re with is responding physically to

the experience. They may be recalling an experience or, you may be with them in

the moment.

[2] Assess Submodalities: How is the person primarily interpreting the problem in

their mind? Are they experiencing through the kinesthetic, auditory or visual

submodalities? If you can get clear on how they are processing it, you can speak

to them in that language.

[3] Repeat for time: Ask the person to repeat their experience verbally to you if

you need more time to create a powerful reframe. Your reframe will be the most

polar opposite frame you can possibly create to the original frame they created.

You want the initial reframe that you deliver to have maximum impact on the

person.

[4] Reframe: Deliver your reframe congruently according to the other person’s

submodalities and as you do this, monitor their sensory acuity to assess the

changes. You’re searching for a difference in how the person is responding to the

new frame on the experience.

Examples of what some reframes might look like are as follows…

Original Frame: “She’s slow”

Response: “To slow for what purpose?”

Reframe: “And when you find yourself absorbed in one of her books not only will

you appreciate every single second she poured into it, you’ll also understand

exactly why they fly off the shelves.”


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Another one may be…

Original Frame: “It’s expensive.”

Response: “Expensive compared to what?”

Reframe: “What would be really expensive is deciding to buy the other one which

costs 10% less, but lasts half as long. By now you probably realize that by

comparison, this one is an absolute bargain.”

In NLP we presuppose that all behavior has a positive intent, and so we are always

looking for the positive intention, and finding that positive intention in each

action or non-action is also a form of reframing. Typically, harming people isn’t

something that other people directly intend. Many times where there has been

harm caused to another, there was still a positive intention for the self (person

doing the harming). They may have wanted to feel powerful, in control, safe or

prevent the other person from doing something again, and so for them, the

positive intention lies in the protection of their own self.

Another example of a reframe could be of a parent’s perception of their

rebellious teenager, where they are just rebelling to make the parents life worse.

But perhaps the teenager is rebelling because their positive intention is to

become an independent, capable adult. If the parent and teenager both become

aware of and accept that reframe, it will change the way they perceive the

behavior. Thus, changing their response.


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Anchoring

Anchoring is a term coined in the NLP world, which really just describes the

process that we go through when something triggers a response within us. It’s

almost as if something from our environment (internal or external) triggers a

particular feeling, image, sound or taste within us that we experience in that

moment.

Like the example I gave earlier of when you’ve been driving down the road and

the radio comes on playing a particular song and instantly you’re sent into a

different reality, one where you begin reminiscing of the time when you were

listening to that song in a different space or time. Perhaps the hearing of the song

instantly takes you back to when you were having a pillow fight with an ex-lover

while a storm was crashing outside the house all around you, and you ended up

being cuddled up next to the warm fireplace under a large fluffy rug… Or maybe it

takes you to a time when you were a little child, listening to your mother sing

along to that song, and you remember the feeling inside as you felt that familiar

feeling of love and connection with her. I remember as a child watching my

mother scream as she saw a spider run across the floor, and instantly I found

myself feeling that same way whenever I saw a spider as a young boy. These

triggers from outside ourselves, have caused a specific response within us called

an anchor.

The same goes for creating anchors around body-image. As a young boy I

remember one day standing in the hallway as my younger brother and I waited

for our mother to get ready so we could go out to the park. I peeked my head

around the door into her room to see her standing in front of a mirror staring at

herself in a way I had never seen before as I heard the word “yuck” leave her

mouth. She had turned around and was looking at the way her behind fitted in a

pair of jeans, and as she become frustrated at what she saw in the mirror she

quickly moved to the cupboard and pulled out a pair of track pants. In that one

single moment, a new anchor was created in me. How? Children ‘model’ both the


36

positive and negative traits of their parents (more on modeling later), and as a by-

product of modeling my mother, I found myself a few years later staring in front

of a mirror (triggering an anchor) screaming thoughts of hate at myself.

Anchors are everywhere in our reality, and once we are aware of this fact, we can

begin to take action and build the responses we want, rather than the ones we

don’t. There are anchors everywhere that makes us feel good, and ones that

make us feel bad. If you’re struggling with body-image right now, then perhaps

the mirror is an anchor for you, in that every time you see a mirror you feel the

compulsion to look at yourself and then send negative thoughts at that face

staring back at you. Sometimes we have anchors that are so strong that they

over-ride some of our other senses. Imagine seeing someone who you strongly

don’t like, and then think of them saying something positive towards you.

Chances are you may not even hear what they are saying, because the negative

emotional response you feel totally negates anything they are saying – positive or

negative. Anchors are powerful and can totally remove logic from the entire

thinking process.

The great thing about anchors is that they can also create some very powerful

empowering responses within us, such as when you hear a certain song play, you

feel love, happiness and excitement. Now imagine that there’s a certain person at

work that you aren’t getting along with, and maybe you’re even intimidated by

them. Well, if you were to put that empowering song on and put yourself in that

excited state, and then picture that person in your mind, over time you may even

just find that when you see that person, you no longer experience that same

strong negative emotion. In fact, you may even find that the negative feelings are

completely gone, and have been replaced by positive ones.

What about if whenever you put your clothing on, you found yourself feeling or

picturing yourself in a certain way? Perhaps you heard a voice in your head say

negative things about the way you fit in those clothes, you felt a nauseous feeling

in your stomach, or saw yourself as twice the size that you actually are. Your

logical brain knows the truth, but your emotional brain is warping your

perspective (the way you see, feel and hear yourself), and so next is to change


37

those associated anchors. What happens before you feel, hear or see those

negative thoughts?

Now take something that you really love doing that puts you in a really great

state, such as listening to a particular song or looking at a particular image. Create

a really strong feeling inside by turning up the dial on it, visualize a virtual

pressure dial, and as you turn that dial up, you feel that feeling increase more and

more. Push that dial all the way around until you’ve reached the peak of that

strong empowered feeling state, and then begin putting your clothing on, while

holding onto that state. What you’ll find is that when done enough times

repeatedly, the old disempowering anchors will dissolve and be replaced by the

newer empowering anchors - Anytime that you’re in a particularly high state,

where a specific type of stimulus is applied, at the peak of that state, an anchor

will be created.

When creating an anchor, there are key components that will dramatically

improve its effectiveness for future use…

Intensity… How strong is the state that you’re in (or associate feeling, sound,

image etc.)? The higher the intensity, the stronger the anchor.

Uniqueness… How unique is the anchor? Does it involve you touching your thumb

and forefinger together while in a specific state? The more unique the easier it is

to recall.

Replication… How often are you repeating this same anchor in order to

strengthen its effectiveness? If looking in the mirror creates a response, each time

you look in the mirror in that same state of feeling, you strengthen the response.

Number… How many times have you repeated this anchor? The higher the

number, the more effective the anchor.

Timing… When will you trigger the anchor, and in which state will you trigger it

in?


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When creating an anchor in yourself or others, these are the components to make

it happen most effectively.

To create a very powerful anchor, one of the most important components is

timing. You want to use your sensory acuity to gauge when you, or another

person is reaching the peak of their state, and right at that peak moment you

want to trigger the anchor.

For example, you can create a simple anchor that you can use every day just by

touching your shoulder. Early on in my development, I started working with my

Personal Training clients on developing positive anchors during their sessions with

me. In some cases, I would simply ask my client to envision what they most

wanted to achieve, and to think about how good it would feel, look and sound to

them once they had achieved that goal. I told them to hold that feeling, image or

sound in their mind for as long as they could during their session, and if I noticed

them slipping in motivation, I would divert their attention back to what they

wanted to achieve, how they wanted to feel, what they wanted to see, what they

heard… And there would be an instant shift in their physiology that was easily

noticeable from a distance, and not to mention in their performance! When I

wanted to create a very specific response, I would have them put themselves in a

peak state of feeling totally energized and motivated, and at the peak of that

state, I would have them press their thumb and forefinger together. After enough

times of repeating this process, they found that whenever they wanted to feel

totally energized and motivated, all they would have to do is press their thumb

and forefinger together.

Like with all of what I’ve shared with you so far, you’re ability to build a strong

anchor with another person is directly linked to your ability to gain a high level of

rapport with them.

How about we package all of what we’ve learned so far about anchors into one

neat bundle that you can use quickly and easily with yourself or others? Well,

here’s the basic template to follow when you’re wanting to do that:


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[1] Find a Subject: Seek out a suitable test-buddy. This could be a close-friend of

family member.

[2] Pace & Lead: Engage in pacing and leading and build rapport with that person.

[3] Locate Anchor Point: Gain their permission to touch them on the knee during

this process. (You can chose anywhere you like to create the anchor, however the

knee for most people is pretty unobtrusive. You could try that, or the elbow or

something like that.)

[3] Find a Strong Emotion: Allow that person to reach in and find a time in their

past that created a really strong emotion for them, such as feeling totally

confident. (You could use this script to help engage those emotions in them, “Can

you think of a time when you were totally confident? [Wait for the yes] Can you

think of a really specific time that stands out to you? [Wait for yes] As you think of

that time now, think about how that felt, think of how that looked and think of

how it sounded, and really feel those feelings of feeling totally confident…”)

[4] Timing & Anchor: As they remember that time and experience it, use your

sensory acuity to gauge how strong they are engaging in the state of being totally

confident. It may take them longer or they may get to the peak of the state within

a short moment. Simply notice where they are on the scale and as their

experience becomes stronger start to press firmly on their knee. This doesn’t have

to be really hard, just enough pressure for them to feel it.

[5] Remove Touch: As they begin to lower away from their peak state, remove

your touch from their knee.

[6] Break State: Now ask them something totally unrelated to break their state

such as, “Do you smell popcorn?” This will cause them to search within and

quickly pull them out of the previous state. You can use any funny questions you

like such as, “Monkeys eat bananas, right?”

[7] Test Anchor: Next up is you’re going to test the anchor to see whether you’ve

successfully created a new response to that particular trigger (the touching of the

knee). Return them back to a normal balanced state, and then press their knee

without saying anything and use sensory acuity to notice any changes that may

occur. They may even verbally tell you they instantly feel different when you


40

press their knee. Congratulations you’ve just created your first NLP anchor with

someone! If they didn’t have a very strong response, repeat steps 1-6 several

times, and then test again. Remember, the more times you repeat the anchor, the

stronger it gets.

So that’s the basics of NLP anchoring, and although there is so much more that

you can do with it, this is a really good place to start. Find yourself a willing and

curious volunteer, and get started with creating anchors! You can even create

some really cool ones, like whenever you press on your knuckles you’re instantly

pulled into a deep state of bliss. If you can imagine it, you can create it.

Over time you’ll become more and more familiar with anchoring, and you’ll find

that you’ll be able to add anchor on top of anchor, and also over-ride anchors

with ease. As always, practice makes perfect.


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Meta Model

Everyone has a different way in which they perceive the world and navigate

through that world using their MAP. The Meta Model was created to distinguish

between the different ways we tend to filter our world through the information

that is introduced to us, and subsequently we end up throwing away (or deleting)

most of the information that comes our way because it doesn’t tend to fit our

beliefs, expectations values and previous experiences. Virginia Satir had

developed a way of having people dig into their distortions and generalizations

(problems) and by doing so, Bandler and Grindler noticed that people’s problems

would mostly just disappear. This is the main key to the Meta Model.

You’ll notice that in NLP you’ll never notice anyone ask the question “Why”

because it forces the person to delve into the content and story behind the

problem, which isn’t necessary when creating change. Although traditional

therapy tends to like getting into all of the whys, NLP generally tends to avoid it

completely. Instead, when using the Meta Model we will begin with words such

as “how”, “who”, “when”, “what”, because these questions tend to engage in the

root of the problem and how it’s put together in the person’s mind, rather than

bringing up unnecessary stories. Once we’ve discovered the root or structure of

someone’s particular problem, it is a lot easier to allow the problem to dissolve.

The Meta Model is based upon listening and asking questions, the appropriate

response is determined based upon the answer you receive from the other

person, and in many cases you can actually predict the response based upon the

type of question you ask. Here is a list of various language patterns, responses

and subsequent predictions when using the Meta Model.


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Distortions: Cause and Effect

Pattern… Many times people will mismatch an effect with a cause. Meaning, the

cause that they think created the effect is not actually the true cause at all, but

something entirely different. People will often use this cause and effect pattern to

place the blame (or cause) onto someone or something other than them, instead

of taking personal responsibility. Some really common phrases you’ve probably

heard before are, “It was all her fault” or “She made me feel upset”.

Response… What we want to do when working with the cause and effect pattern

is to ask a question that will help to uncover the true cause of the person’s

problem, rather than the one they are blaming it on (which is usually on things

outside of themselves). We really want to find out what the root cause for their

thinking this way is, and we can do that by asking questions such as, “How would

it being her fault make any difference to how you responded?” And “How does

she have anything to do with you feeling upset?” Typically a response to a cause

and effect statement will begin with how.

Outcome… Once this person has discovered more clues as to the root of their

problem, they will usually loosen up a little bit on the thought, and gain more of

an understanding of how they actually created the structure of the problem. In

most cases, one question won’t be enough to completely solve the problem and

so additional Meta Model questions will need to be asked.

Mind Reading

Pattern… Mind reading is really where someone shares that they know what’s

going on inside your head, without actually knowing what’s going on. You’ve

probably heard similar statements to this in the past, and so some of those may

have been… “She loves me.” Without ever knowing the person enough to gain

that type of information. In a sales example someone might say, “It’s too

expensive” without them knowing the price.

Response… This is like digging for a golden nugget, and that nugget is only going

to be found by asking the right question. The golden nugget you want, is how they


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actually know that information. A response to the above may be, “How do you

know she loves you?” and “How do you know if it would be out of your budget?”

Outcome… Many times when you ask someone a question, if they are engaged

and have interest enough, they will tend to pause and think about a response and

then share with you what makes them think that way. Very often their answer will

usually be met with another question from the Meta Model, but you will be that

little bit closer to digging up that golden nugget, and clearing away the dirt of

their mind (so to speak) that’s enabling them to have that problem.

Lost Performative

Pattern… Lost Performatives are simply added to a conversation that have left

out where the judgment was being made from. So someone may say something

like, “the beach is good” but they didn’t say who thought the beach was good, or

“being slim is sexy” when they didn’t refer to who said being slim is sexy.

Response… When presented with a Lost Performative you want to ask a question

that that finds out more information about where the particular judgment came

from. So a response to the above could be, “who say’s the beach is good?” and

“how do you know being slim is sexy?” There are so many variations of these

responses you could apply here, such as, “what made you decide the beach is

good?” and “who decided being slim is sexy?” And a very generic question that

you’ve probably heard someone use in response to a Lost Performative in the

past may have been, “according to whom?”

Outcome… The cool thing about asking these types of questions about a Lost

Performative is that many times the listener has no idea where the judgment has

come from, and in digging in and finding that out, is in many cases enough to

dissolve the problem altogether, due to their finding out new information that

they may have not consciously thought of before.


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Complex Equivalence

Pattern… Complex Equivalence is where someone is describing two things that

they think are the same, when they most likely are not. Something you’ve

probably heard before (or similar) may be, “He never tells me how beautiful I am,

so he must not love me.” Or “My clothes don’t fit, that must mean I’m

overweight.”

Response… The response to a Complex Equivalence is to ask a question that is

designed to create a distinction between the two experiences that the person is

referencing, in order to help the person notice that they are indeed, not the

same. Here’s a response for the above examples: “Are there people you love who

you don’t always tell them how attractive they are?” and “have you seen clothes

fit someone who you think is overweight?” The result of the answer will rely to a

large extent on the quality of the question you ask. Did it cause them to assess

their complex equivalent experience deeply enough to reassess whether it was

actually true or not? If they can think of people they feel love for, but don’t

always express how beautiful they are to them directly, then that will serve to

break their negative thinking around love being directly measured by another’s

impressions of their outer beauty.

Outcome… Usually someone will pause for a moment and think about what

you’ve asked them, and open up to the idea that possibly how they thought it

was, wasn’t actually how it really was. In many cases they may have another

response that will require an additional Meta Model question, but they will be

one step closer to clearing away the mental fog of their problem.

Presuppositions

Pattern… A presupposition is an assumption of something that hasn’t yet been

validated as true, and is apparent in our typical language patterns every day. In

order for the sentence to make sense, you must assume that was has been

mentioned is true, when in fact, it may not be at all. This may come in the form of

a sentence such as, “If men knew how much of a great cook I am, they would all

be lining up at the door to marry me.” This statement has a few presuppositions:


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[1] The person is a single, [2] they are heterosexual, [3] they know how to cook,

[4] men would be interested in them if they knew how well they could cook, [5]

they are interested in getting married.

Response… There are so many presuppositions in that sentence that it would be

easy to ask a question to challenge any of those presuppositions to create an

instant shift in their thinking. When challenging presuppositions that are likely to

be true, such as [1], [2] and [3] it is more unlikely that any major shift in their

thinking will come as a result. Instead, you’ll find that questioning the least likely

presuppositions such as [4] and [5] will result in a much stronger shift in thinking.

A response to those could be: [4] “How do you know men would line up at your

door if they knew you could cook?” [5] “How do you know men would want to

marry you?”

Outcome… The great thing about addressing presuppositions that are least likely

to be true, is that when the listener begins to dig deep inside, they usually create

rather large shifts very quickly from their new realizations and understandings.

Generalizations: Universal Qualifiers

Pattern… Universal Qualifiers are responses that tend to generalize just about

everything and use words such as ‘every’, ‘forever’, ‘everyone’, ‘never’. When

someone uses these words, they tend to feel as though there is no other option,

and that is what they are sharing with you when they express themselves in this

way. You may have heard expressions such as, “Everyone wants to be skinny.”

This denies the possibility that someone out of everyone might not want to be

skinny, and may already be happy as they are. Here’s another one, “I never look

good enough.” The speaker is closed to the idea that they can always look good

enough, no matter what (because the word ‘enough’ is subjective, therefore it is

based upon what you or someone else thinks of the way you look – change the

way you look at yourself, and you yourself will change).

Response… These particular statements are best responded in a way that allows

the other person to re-evaluate what they have said. This can easily be done in


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most instances by simply asking a repeating Universal Qualifier question back to

them, such as, “Everyone?” Or you could also ask them to find examples of where

the possibility of the Universal Qualifier may not apply. That may come in the

form of, “have you ever met anyone who doesn’t want to be skinny?” or “have

you ever looked good enough?”

Outcome… Here, you’ll be searching for a response from the client that

invalidates their initial universal qualifier by finding examples in their lives where

this has not been the case. There will be a few cases where a client will give you a

universal qualifier that is true, but in most cases this will help the client to notice

that their problem is not present all the time, and this will help them to loosen

their hold on the problem.

Modal Operator of Necessity

Pattern… Modal Operators of Necessity are referring to words that imply that

there is no choice such as; must, mustn’t, need to, shouldn’t, should, it’s a

necessity. These statements show that the person feels bondaged to a certain set

of actions by a set of clearly defined rules. This show’s up all the time in our lives,

like when someone say’s something like, “I have to lose weight.”

Response… Responses to these questions gives the listener the opportunity to

think more deeply about other alternatives to the way they are currently thinking.

It also opens up the listener to begin thinking about what the reasons might be

for why they feel bound to a particular set of rules that may not be serving them.

To the above example, there would be many different responses to that question

that would equally serve just as well as each other such as, “What would happen

if you didn’t?” This would allow the person to assess the consequences of their

behavior. You could also find out how they came to believe what they believe to

be true, by asking, “Who says you have to lose weight?” This will share the

reasons of why they think they have no other choice but to lose weight.

Outcome… The client will in most cases discover how they came to create this

way of thinking, and will most importantly, allow them to think about the


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consequences of not following what they think is something that they have no

control over. This can help to open them up to be free to express their behavior

more fully in the future, so instead of feeling bound by what they think has to

happen, they can be free to interpret the many variations that could be possible,

which allows them to choose any number of actions and responses at each given

moment.

Modal Operator of Possibility

Pattern… This particular pattern is the complete opposite of Modal Operators of

Necessity, in that instead of the language pointing to what has to be done, this

language refers to what could be done, using words such as, possible, would,

won’t, can’t, can, impossible. Again, we here this in everyday language and a

common example you may hear could be, “It’s impossible.” Here this person

believes that it is not possible to do what the statement implies: it is not possible

to look good naked.

Response… The response you deliver to this type of statement is designed to

open the person up to a new range of possibilities so they have more of an

awareness of choice around a particular problem. You’ll also have the ability

through asking a specifically structured question, to help uncover the reasons

behind the belief that seems to be holding the person back. You may respond

with something such as, “What stops you (from looking good naked)?” or “If you

could (look good naked), how would you go about it?”

Outcome… As the person digs deeper and begins to gain more awareness around

the reasons that may be contributing to the problem, through your effective use

of questions, they will typically find that the strength of the bondage to the

problem will weaken. In many of the Meta Model responses, you will most likely

not get a complete cure for the problem just from asking one question. For

example, the person who thought it was impossible to look good naked will

probably not instantly think that it’s possible to look good naked, but by gaining

new awareness around what is contributing to the problem, they will be much

more open to perceive these thoughts in a way that will allow for future


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breakthrough’s to occur, because they have more ways of breaking it down and

working with it.

Distortions: Unspecified Verbs

Pattern… Unspecified Verbs refer to where someone has shared something

without providing the full information. In this case, it’s missing a verb, and will

usually come across as something such as, “She dislikes me.” When someone

shares something like this, the listener (and speaker) ends up curious as to what is

really meant by ‘disliking’ and how the speaker was disliked.

Response… The response of to an unspecified verb is really designed to get below

the surface response, and to extract additional information on the verb. That may

show up as a question such as, “how exactly?” Which prompts the listener to dig

deeper to find out the meaning behind their statement.

Outcome... By asking a question that causes the listener to dig deep and find

additional information, you are expanding their awareness to perceive the

problem from a different angle. This on its own may not be enough for the

problem to disappear, but it will provide a fresh new angle to look at it from. In

this process, they will most likely come to understand how they perceive the

disliking, and this will pave the way for future potential resolutions with the other

person. Either way, because the person has changed the way they look at this, the

verb they were looking at will change (in meaning to them).

Nominalizations

Pattern… A nominalization refers to most of the words that end in ‘ion’ such as

communication, transition, medication etc. and are considered process words

(verbs) that have been stuck in time, converting them into a nouns. This has no

real change in of itself, however when we convert processes into things, we alter

the forever changing nature of a process. When we decide to take process words

such as transition and convert them into static things, we are very likely to

perceive these ‘things’ as unchangeable. Instead of understanding that wherever

there is process, there is room for change to occur.


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Response… Responses to nominalizations occur by converting the noun back to a

verb, providing the listener with the opportunity to dig deeper into the process

behind the problem. If someone say’s something like, “There’s no room for

transition.” A response could be, “what is not transitioning?” or “who isn’t

transitioning?” This strategy of questioning will provide further awareness around

what it is about the process of transitioning that seems to be the problem, instead

of looking at the static ‘thing’ as something that can’t be changed.

Outcome… The process of asking a question to resolve a problem is deeply rooted

in the way the Meta Model works, and in this case the process of changing the

noun back to a verb brings a new awareness to the listener that they don’t have a

problem with the nominalization, but with the verb. Without the ever-changing

flow of a process, the client will be stuck up against a brick wall with no escape, so

upon changing the frame in which he views the problem through (changing the

noun back to a free-flowing changeable verb), they can begin to assess and find

solutions to the problem.

Simple Deletions

Pattern… Simple Deletions are when someone has said something, but they have

left much of the information out. Again, this occurs all the time in our day to day

lives and we come across it in statements such as, “I am unhappy.” Here, it’s not

really clear what unhappy means, because there’s nothing to compare it to, such

as they might be unhappy because they don’t fit in a pair of jeans, or because

they just found out there’s a party coming up and they think they need to fit into

certain sized clothing.

Response… Your response will dig up the missing information (or at least some of

it) from the statement that the person has just shared. This may come across as

something like, “Why?” Just a simple question will help you to gather additional

information on this deletion, and what is causing the problem. They can’t make

any alterations to a problem if they can’t see the problem (if they only feel

unhappy and are not sure why). Sometimes as they uncover the answers for why


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they feel a certain way to you, they will also be uncovering these newly for

themselves. “Just because I’m unhappy.” Will not be sufficient information to

solve this problem.

Outcome… You’re probably noticing a reoccurring pattern here where once the

person has explored the problem by answering your questions, they’ll find a new

way to look at and solve it. Sometimes this will be enough to collapse the

problem, and other times it will need further information to fully resolve it, but

even the information they’ve gathered so far will help them to perceive the

problem from a different perspective.

Lack of Referential Index

Pattern… This is a pattern where the person doesn’t share what exactly they are

referring to when making a statement such as, “it doesn’t work.” Because there’s

no reference for you to know what’s contributing to the problem, the next step is

to dig a little deeper with your response.

Response… The next step is to help the listener to uncover what or who is

creating the problem (or adding to it). Following the above statement, you could

say something like, “what exactly doesn’t work?” This will allow the listener to dig

a little deeper and find out exactly what’s contributing to the problem.

Outcome… As soon as the listener is able to identify with what exactly may be

creating (or at least contributing) to the problem, they will be able to start to sort

for solutions. This will add another perspective that the listener perhaps once did

not have prior to your response, and will initiate a newer awareness around how

to deal with the problem, or find the source of the issue.

Comparative Deletions

Pattern… Comparative Deletions are where the person is comparing to something

or another, without sharing what they are comparing it to. This pattern tends to

use referencing words such as, less, least, best, more, worse etc. and will come

across in the form of something like, “She looks better.”


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Response… A response to a comparative deletion is as easy as asking about the

thing that is specifically being compared to such as, “She looks better compared

to who?” In most cases with comparative deletions, it’s assumed that the person

knows what they are comparing to. Upon answering the question, you will gain

additional insight into what is important to that person, and will be able to help

assist them in discovering whether there is any validity to their comparison at all.

Outcome… Again, the person will increase their awareness of what is actually

contributing to their problem, and in some cases may be enough to collapse the

problem itself. In other cases, they will need to assess the comparisons more

closely, and gain more information about what is being compared to so they can

find a complete solution.

Because the Meta Model is delivered in a way that relies heavily on questions,

you’ll want to have a high level of awareness on the other person’s

responsiveness as you deliver the processes. Too much emphasis on repeatedly

delivering questions will in most cases cause the person to feel as though they’re

being interrogated and they will become uncomfortable. The Meta Model is most

applicable in therapy, business or specific sales situations where the person is

making statements that contain deletions, distortions and generalizations.


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Milton Model

After modeling Milton Erickson, Richard Bandler and John Grindler created the

Milton Model, which is a way of communicating through verbal language that

creates an almost trance-like state in the person you’re speaking with. In hypnosis

this is used heavily, as a way to help induce trance in a client, and is also very

powerful in marketing (as many companies have found out).

Using the Milton Model to boost your body-image is more about learning how

you speak to yourself internally (self-talk), and also how you make sense of what’s

going on in your head, and subsequently, the world around you. The way you can

sometimes justify things that make no logical sense, will become quite apparent

to you in this elaboration of the Milton Model and throughout the rest of this

book. So as you read these words, just remember to keep an open mind and

absorb as much as you can for your own benefit.

What you will find while employing the Milton Model technique during your

conversations, is that people will become much more agreeable and connect to

what you say quicker and easier…

“As you read these words, you’re probably curious as to when you’re going to be

able to use the Milton Model, and you may also be wondering how long it will take

you to learn how to use the important Milton Model effectively. Just because

there’s been times when you haven’t been completely confident, doesn’t mean

that things didn’t work out, in fact they have worked out regardless, didn’t they?

Let’s face it, just because you’ve decided to read this book and follow these words

and learn about the Milton Model right now, means that you could learn the

Milton Model quickly and easily, isn’t that right?”

Have a read of the above paragraph out loud and notice how it is written, and

how it seems very similar to other literature you may have read in the past. This is

because many world leaders tend to deliver their speeches using this same

technique.


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The paragraph above makes use of the perception of mind reads (you’re probably

curious as to when you’re going to be able to use the Milton Model), missing

performatives (learn how to use the important Milton Model effectively), cause

and effect (completely confident, doesn’t mean that things didn’t work out),

presupposition (I’ve assumed that you’ll start using this technique soon), and tag

questions (didn’t they? isn’t that right?). This will all come together for you as you

learn more on the Milton Model.

What’s next? How do you go from speaking and thinking the way you do now, to

being able to use the Milton Model effortlessly? Simply put, you can start by…

Practicing the Milton Model patterns over and over again.

Notice how you quickly and easily start using it unconsciously.

There are many patterns in the Milton Model, and some say there are about 20

different ones that you can apply in various ways to create a specific result. You

can alter these patterns and also combine them to improve their effectiveness, so

here is a bit of a breakdown of the Milton Model.

Presupposition Presuppositions are an interesting way of using language that presupposes that

someone has already agreed to something, when in fact they may not have even

had the chance to think about it, or even question it. There are so many examples

of presuppositions that we use in our everyday life such as…

“Are you angry at me?” (Wife to husband, presupposing that he was angry in the

first place, when in fact he may not have been angry at all)

“Still trying to lose weight?” (Friend is presupposing that you were already trying

to lose weight, when you may not have been at all – at least not before they said

anything)


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“Do those jeans fit yet?” (This presupposes that your jeans didn’t fit you in the

past)

“Your waist is getting smaller.” (This presupposes that the person’s waist was too

big before)

When influencing people (or yourself) presuppositions are useful to use when

you’re wanting to not only save time, but also to move people towards an

outcome that’s not only desirable for them, but also for you. If your friend was

choosing a dress for a night out, in order to help her feel good about whatever

dress she tries on and choses, you might say, “There are so many dresses out

there these days, and that means all of us have different shaped bodies, which

means you can feel good about finding a dress that is cut for your body.” Cause

and Effect Statement (there are so many dresses out there these days [in your

friends mind, this is probably a fact]), Complex Equivalence (all of us have

different shaped bodies [logically we all know this to be true]), Presupposition

(which means you can feel good about finding a dress that is cut for your body

[presupposing that the journey of finding a dress will provide enough reason in

itself to feel good]).

Cause & Effect You may have heard of Karma, and that for every action there is an equal and

opposite reaction. Well, Cause and Effect is basically the same thing, in that it

implies that one thing causes another. The interesting thing about people, and

the way our minds work, is that generally we respond really well when we are

given reasons to believe or think things – even if those reasons make no real

logical sense at all.


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You can easily find when cause and effect is being used by watching out for their

specific linguistically structured patterns:

If A then B

As A you B

“As you close your eyes, you’ll notice how relaxed your eye lids begin to feel.”

“Because you’re reading this, you’re able absorb this information completely.”

Simply put, Cause and Effect is a way of leading someone towards a desirable

outcome by taking things that are supposedly true and implying something of a

completely different context that follows through with the same feeling.

Something true (Because you’re reading this), what I’m implying (you’re able to

absorb this information completely). Reading this won’t necessarily mean you’ll

be able to absorb the information completely, but by my implying it, you’re much

more likely to in fact, absorb the information you read in this book more

completely than if I hadn’t implied it.

Another example of Cause and Effect could be while you’re at the clothing store

trying on dresses, you can’t seem to find any of the ones you like that fit and so

you may say to yourself (or I may say to you)… “Because everyone’s body is

unique, you will find a dress that’s perfect for you soon.”

Something true (Because everyone’s body is unique), what I’m implying (you will

find a dress that’s perfect for you soon). My saying that doesn’t necessarily mean

you’ll find a dress that’s perfect for you soon, but because I suggested it, you’re

once again, much more likely to feel good about some of the dresses not fitting

you, than you would be if I hadn’t said anything.

I’m sure you can think of many instances where women (maybe even yourself),

have thought (out loud or inside), “These dresses don’t fit, so I’m overweight.” As

you know logically this isn’t true, yet somehow by implying it through the way you

think, you perpetuate further feelings of dissatisfaction around your body. This


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doesn’t do anything worthwhile for self-esteem, and so a new awareness around

this will help break the cycle if you decide to make some adjustments.

Lost Performative Value judgments usually come from people around us, but in this case when I

provide a value judgment without sharing with you show actually made that

judgment, you find yourself agreeing with it quickly and easily. This is because

relative words are really easy to agree with.

These are words that judge whether something is good bad, positive negative,

slow fast, better worse, hot cold etc.

Spinning these words into your sentences help to take the other person in the

direction you want them to go, such as…

“It’s fun to go to the beach.”

“The water is really warm.”

“It’s good to improve oneself.”

On their own, these statements can seem like they make sense but when you

logically think about the statement, “The water is really warm.” – You begin

asking, compared to what? Compared to your freezer back home, or Antarctica?

Or, that “it’s fun to go to the beach.” – What’s fun about it, and who said its fun?

Is it more fun than sitting at home staring at a wall, or than having someone poke

you with a blunt object? But because the statement makes sense on its own, the

other person is more likely to accept that thought, and will be more likely to base

their thinking later on in the interaction.

The same goes for various comments that occur in our everyday lives from people

around us. Women may be inclined to hear from their friends comments such as,

“being fat is bad”, “skinny is good”, “wide shoulders aren’t nice”, “narrow hips


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suck”, “larger ankles are bad” and “large breasts are sexy”. None of these

statements make logical sense on their own, yet our emotional brain accepts

them as true (most of the time) without considering the logical side to the

comment.

For example, the comment, “large breasts are sexy” makes no logical sense,

here’s why… First of all, in order to define something as ‘large’ one must compare

to something else. Someone who develops a D cup through puberty may have the

perception that C cups are small. Whereas someone who develops an A cup may

have the perception that C cups are large. But this is only a perception, not a

reality. Our perceptions are not reality, they are our experience of reality by

looking through our own individual ‘looking glasses’ so to speak. So large to one

person, may be small to another and instantly the original comment loses its basis

for logic right there, but what about the word sexy being used? The same goes…

What one person believes is sexy, another believes is ugly. Sexy is another one of

those terms that’s highly individualized. People’s sexual likes and dislikes can vary

greatly, and to define a body-part’s attractiveness based upon one (or many)

people’s sexual interest, is not logical at all.

In most men’s case, they don’t typically hear other men commenting on the level

of attractiveness of other men. Instead, they’ll see and hear comments from the

opposite sex, media and perhaps notice the way other men look and make

comparisons based upon that. A man may walk into a gas station and see a line of

men’s magazines all depicting a ‘model’ with a six pack where headlines read,

“get a sexy six pack today” or he may even overhear a couple of women making

comments such as “muscles are so hot” or “abs are nice”. Again, this is not reality,

this is only the media trying to sell magazines, and the perception of a couple of

women.

Mind Read The mind read is a very clever use of language, presupposing that you already

know what the other person is thinking before they’ve revealed any of that

information to you. You use language in a way that has them begin to think about


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what you want them to think about and then you simply point out what they are

thinking about, such as…

“You may be thinking…”

You begin the language pattern with something like that and end with whatever

you want them to think about. Such as, “You may be thinking about what sort of

examples I’m going to use here…”

“You may be thinking about how you can apply NLP to your own life…”

“You may be wondering what it would be like to taste popcorn right now…”

The funny thing is that even though you may not have been thinking about those

things before you read those words here and now (or were you?), you find

yourself thinking about them anyway, don’t you?

You can use this pattern in any situation, such as when you’re at a clothing store

and the person you’re with is looking for a new outfit, but they haven’t found

anything that fits them yet. You might choose a moment when they are not deep

in thought about anything in particular and say something like, “You may be

thinking about when you’ll find something that fits your lovely self!” It might not

be much, but it might have a positive impact on that person, and that’s reason

enough to say it, isn’t it?

Complex Equivalence This is a pretty funny way of having someone agree to two things at once, when

they may only agree to one of the things you said. Whenever you notice these

words in a sentence…

“…That means…”

“Being lean and fit that means you’re sexy.”


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“When someone looks in the mirror that means they love themselves.”

“Reading this book that means you are breaking through body-image issues.”

This particular pattern is really useful when you’re bringing someone’s awareness

to something that they may previously have been unaware of. Imagine how

motivating it would be for someone learning Math to hear their teacher say,

“You’ve been making it to every class that means you’ll pass this year.” We

actually hear this all the time with teachers, parents and Politian’s generalizing a

particular topic such as, “Vote for me that means voting for more money.” You

could even use it while looking at yourself in the mirror, by saying out loud, “your

body is unique, that means you’re beautiful.”

Lack of Referential Index Referential Indexes are used when referring to nothing in particular. When

someone is as vague as to refer to nothing in particular while making a statement,

they are using a referential index. Easily the most commonly used referential

indexed words are, ‘thing’, ‘it’, ‘stuff’, ‘them’, ‘that’ etc.

Here’s what you may come across…

“I went to visit it and when I got there I couldn’t find that thing.”

“Whenever I talk, I like them.”

“They sure do know a lot of stuff.”

We tend to use these all the time in our communications with others without

every really realizing it (how many other things do we communicate inside or

outside that we’re not aware of yet?). You’ve probably heard something similar to

this in the past (or maybe recently)… “He was over there talking about that, and


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then when he came back he started talking about all of this stuff that just made

no sense, and when that thing arrived he ended up just throwing it…”

Comparative Deletion Comparative Deletions are similar to Lost Performatives where a comparison is

made, but it is not specified to what (or whom) the comparison is being made.

Whereas a Lost Performative relates to the person making the judgment being

left out, instead of a Comparative Deletion which refers to leaving out what is

being compared to.

A few examples of Comparative Deletion are as follows…

“Things aren’t that good.”

“It really didn’t go as well.”

“It might as well be the right thing.”

Your listener will more than likely find themselves agreeing to these types of

statements, because it’s extremely difficult to disagree with it because of the

sheer vagueness of it all (notice the ‘it’ there?). It’s very hard for someone to

disagree with someone when they don’t know what it’s being compared to – in

fact, it’s nearly impossible! You’ll find this technique very useful when trying to

persuade others (or yourself) to do something.

If you’re out at lunch and someone says, “I don’t want to eat that, it’ll make me

put on weight.” You could use a comparative deletion in your sentence by saying,

“Isn’t it interesting how they always tend to say this and that about food, yet we

all know they are lying because it’s all about feeling good inside, and that doesn’t

come from what we eat, but rather, just from enjoying each moment as it

comes.” There’s a lot of comparative deletions in there (and a few other patterns

just for fun), but the key point I’m sharing here, is that when we become aware of


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the deletions we are making, we can start to use them for many more positive

outcomes.

Universal Quantifier This is where we use a bunch of words that contain some rather large universal

generalizations and lack a referential index.

A universal generalization tends to incorporate words such as, “all”, “whole” and

“every” that refer to anything and everything. Universal Generalizations can also

be negative, using words such as “nothing”, “never”, “no-one” etc. The key is that

the word has to refer to everything.

When a phrase lacks referential index, it’s usually not referring to anything in

particular, so you’ll notice words such as, “things”, “it”, “stuff”, “that” being used.

A universal quantifier must contain a universal generalization and lack a

referential index, which can appear in a statement like this…

“No-one ever does that.”

“She is always…”

“All of them are in on it.”

“They take everything.”

For example, you’re at a gym and your friend leans over to you and without any

reference says, “They think everyone should be here.” The statement is so vague

that you may just find yourself quickly agreeing to it.

Modal Operator Modal Operators are words that tend to imply possibility or necessity, and are

often used to create emphasis on certain rules in our lives. They are used to show


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importance over something that the deliverer believes must be done, these are

what we refer to as Necessity Modal Operators (odd numbered examples). These

types of words can be very empowering (or disempowering) depending upon the

context in which they are used. Possibility words are used to describe something

that could be done (even numbered examples).

Examples of Modal Operators such as:

1) Should

2) Could

3) Must

4) Might

5) Need

6) Want

Take for example, these two particular statements:

1) You should feel good about your body

2) You could feel good about your body

Both of them are perceived very differently. The first example uses necessity

(should), where the second example uses possibility (could). If someone is really

upset about something, or constantly finds themselves feeling bad, they will in

almost all cases be using modal operators of necessity. If you come across

someone who’s using necessity words, try repeating back to them exactly what

they said but switching the necessity words for possibility words.

Think about this for a moment… If your internal unconscious reasoning processes

are constantly running in the necessity modal operator, you’ll most probably find

yourself much less happy about your body than if you made a conscious effort to

switch that internal voice (unconscious reasoning process) to a possibility modal

operator. There may be a voice in your head that turns on at certain times (when

an anchor is triggered) that starts necessity conversations with you without your

being consciously aware of it. But as of reading these words you’re now aware,

and this is the first step to any change, conscious or unconscious. This new


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conscious awareness will give you the power to begin making changes to your

unconscious necessity modal operator so you can boost your body-image.

Utilization Utilization works by pointing out to someone something that is already in their

environment, and adding an additional meaning to it. When you point out an

additional meaning, or things that the listener has not yet noticed (or become

aware of), they will tend to deepen their trance, and will also begin to feel more

convinced about whatever you are talking with them about.

Some examples of utilization are…

(Person taps their fingers lightly on the table) and you say, “Tapping the fingers on

the table means that you’re either enjoying the conversation or that your anxious

and need to leave.”

(Person is distracted by a waiter walking by) and you say, “Noticing people

walking by is a sign that you’re really good with focusing on multiple things at

once, and you’ll remember what we say here easier.”

(Person says, “I’m tired”) and you say, “Exactly, and you’re tired because you

haven’t had a chance to re-energize your tiredness.”

This can apply to our everyday lives with the people whom we come in contact

with, but Utilization can also be valuable in business or sales such as when

someone says to you, “That’s expensive.” And you could utilize that reply with

something like, “It seems expensive because you haven’t asked the one question

that will have you want to buy it regardless of the price.”

You notice your friend looking in the mirror (rather judgingly) and you say,

“Looking in the mirror is a good time to tell yourself how much you love you for

you.” This might be enough to shift them from negative judgment to positive

acceptance – for the moment at least.


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Nominalization Simply put a Nominalization is created when you convert a verb or process into a

noun. We see these everywhere in our daily use of language, and you can easily

spot them by looking for words that contain ‘ion’ such as Relationship, Translation

or Medication. Relationship is the process of relating. Translation is the process to

translate. Medication is the process to medicate. In nominalizations we reference

the process in a way that assumes it has been completed.

If you’re speaking with a friend who’s ‘deciding’ on whether she’s finally happy

with the way her body looks, by using the nominalization of ‘decided’, you can

help shift their thinking rather rapidly towards them having already made the

decision. You could even do the same with yourself, by speaking about yourself

(or to yourself internally also), in referencing that you’ve ‘decided’ that you finally

love your body regardless of what shape or size it’s in right now.

Unspecified Verb When using a particular verb without a corresponding adverb, you are using an

unspecified verb. Rather than completing the sentence with an adverb, you use

an unspecified verb and it will sound as though you’re saying only half of the

actual sentence. The listener would expect you to finish the sentence with an

adverb and so leaving that out allows room for their unconscious mind to

complete the sentence.

A few examples of unspecified verbs are as follows:

You know…

And you can…

That can help…

You might discover…


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Tag Question A tag creates a rhetorical question out of a sentence that would usually be a

statement. This allows someone to answer yes (or no) to something that would

have otherwise been said a matter of factly (and indeed, it can still be said in that

way). When using these tag questions in conversation you notice that people will

tend to agree with what you say, don’t they? Sometimes they have no idea what

they are actually agreeing with, but it sounds right, doesn’t it? What’s more, many

people tend to work these tags into their conversations with others without even

realizing it, isn’t that interesting?

Some examples of tag questions are…

…Isn’t that right?

…Wouldn’t you?

…Don’t you?

…Haven’t you?

Tags can also be used when leading up to a big “yes”. Meaning, if you’re helping

someone to come to a positive conclusion about their body-image, you may start

with getting a few “yesses” in before you ask the big question (that you want

them to respond positively to). That may start with little things that you know

they already agree with (pacing current experience), and lead up to something

that they may not have thought was true, but because of the prior acceptance of

other things you’ve said, and more likely to positively comply. For example, the

conversation may look something like this; “it’s such a sunny day today, isn’t it?”

[Yes] “You’re drinking coffee in that cup, aren’t you?” [Yes] “I noticed that the

waitress over there is serving the loud table, you used to wait tables, didn’t you?”

[Yes] “I know you’ve been wanting to start dating, that means you’re probably

ready to start putting yourself first, right?” [Yes] “You know, I think you feel better

about yourself than what you think you do, am I right?” [YES].


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Pace Current Experience This is a very simple process, in where you’re simply stating the obvious. The

obvious being what is going on inside of the person’s current experience. If

someone is sitting on a chair in front of you, you will start pacing their current

experience linguistically by saying something like, “As you sit there in your chair

listening to me now…” What you’ve done is verbally repeat back to them exactly

what is happening right now. You can almost continue on by mentioning more

than just one thing, such as… “And as you listen to me now, you probably notice

your heart beating in your chest and your ears picking up any number of noises in

the background from the (describe ambience) footsteps of people passing by, to

people happily chatting away while eating their dinner…” Interestingly enough,

the more things you verbally describe in someone’s current reality back to them,

the more and more they will become drawn in by what you are saying…

A few examples of Pacing Current Experience are as follows…

“As you read these words, and absorb this information almost effortlessly…”

“Feeling yourself scroll through this book, as you hear any sounds in the

background, noticing the way your clothes rest on your body…”

“You notice your heart beating in your chest, as you take in this information, and

enjoy that feeling of knowing you’re learning something valuable…”

When verbally expressing someone’s current experience back at them, you open

them to the idea that what you are saying is completely true for them, and that

there is no reason to oppose what you’re sharing. Following this process allows

for a series of successive “yes’s” to take place unconsciously (or consciously if

you’re seeking them to validate what you say with a verbal “Yes”), and then

following this you can usually say something that is possible but not definitely

true, and the other person will in most cases readily agree. This allows them to

move in a completely new direction than where they may have been moving prior

to engaging in this process with you.


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An example of moving someone towards a trance-like state would be…

“As you’re in this room right now, listening to the sound of my voice as you feel

the familiar feeling of your clothes touching your skin, and your heart beating

inside your chest, you may notice that it’s easier to take deep calm breaths, and

these breaths will only help to relax you further into a deeper state of relaxation

as you continue to listen to my voice sinking deeper and deeper now…”

Or an example of influencing someone to make a decision could be…

“You’ve been shopping around the mall, and you’ve looked at some clothes in the

past, and now you’re standing here in this store, and perhaps you’re wondering if

you’ll find what you’re looking for here, and you may even get the feeling that

you’re finally in the right place at the right time, and you’re ready to decide to buy

a dress here and now…”

This is where rather than receiving the persons “yes” response verbally (like in the

tag question example), they will instead, unconsciously say “yes” as you pace

their experience.

Double Blind This is where you give someone a choice that leads to the exact same outcome,

no matter what choice they decide to choose. I’ve noticed that with some couples

who’re in a romantic relationship, one of them may at times use this process

without even consciously knowing it. Children also respond very well to the

Double Blind however if you use it often, they will catch on and it won’t be nearly

as effective anymore – at least until they’ve forgotten that you use it!

Some examples of a Double Blind are as follows…

“Would you rather hang the clothes out now or in an hour?”


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“Do you want to see this DVD this afternoon or tonight?”

“Would you prefer us to meet on Tuesday or Wednesday?”

The key to a double blind is in the fact that it doesn’t matter what the listener

chooses, they will still end up with almost the same outcome. When a couple is at

the DVD rental store choosing something to hire (I’ve heard this before), one of

them will find something they want to see and hold it up to other and ask a

double blind question such as the one above. If you have children, and having

them do chores like hanging the clothing out seems tricky when they can either

sit around playing games or work, but if you don’t give them another option than

to choose when they would like to complete a chore, in most cases they will take

action without questioning an ulterior activity – at least as long as you don’t

overuse the Double Blind.

Conversational Postulate We use conversational postulates in our ever day communication, and they are

much more apparently used with people in authority positions (at least the ones

who care about the way others feel). A conversational postulate is simply where

you turn a command (something you want someone to do), into a question, thus

softening the command and increasing the listeners responsiveness and

compliance. Basically it allows the listener to avoid feeling as though they are

being told to do something (or at least softens it), which usually occurs when

someone is commanded (told) to do something.

A few examples of conversational postulates are…

Would you pass me the pen?

Can you cook dinner tonight?

Perhaps you could fill the car up with gas on your way home?


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The commands are very obvious when viewing them in this context (such as; pass

the pen, cook dinner tonight, fill the car with gas) and although the person could

potentially refuse, it makes it seem a lot softer by the question-type of frame that

is being used. When the option to refuse is presented to the listener, they are

much less likely to refuse, and much more likely to comply.

Extended Quotes Extended Quotes tend to create confusion in the listener almost immediately, and

is where you essentially begin talking about someone [Person #1], and then share

with the listener that this person [Person #1] said something that she [Person #1]

had heard from someone [Person #2] and that he [Person #2] had heard

something from someone [Person #3] who had said “<insert command here>”.

Because of all this jumping through one person to the next, the mind typically

loses track of who said what, and because the mind has lost track of who’s saying

what, it becomes confused, sends the listener into a trance-like state and ends up

making them much more likely to accept the suggestions given in (insert

command). You can also say whatever you want to the listener, because it isn’t

you saying it, it’s someone who’s in a third party who’s saying it.

Confused? Here’s a quick example of an Extended Quote…

I met John down at the store and while he was down there he ran into Suzy, and

Suzy had heard from over the hill that someone shared with her that when they

last say John he said, “Love yourself regardless of what your body looks like.”

Another example might be…

Not that long ago I was speaking with my good friend Jane down at the lake, and

Jane said that while she was at home baking bread, that she got a phone call from

Julia, and Julia said to her on the phone that Jan had just arrived into town and

was out finding a dress for her friends party and while Jan was searching she said,

“It’s not about the size or shape of your body that matters, it’s about how you

feel about the size or shape of your body.”


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Selectional Restriction Violation A Selectional Restriction Violation is where you give a noun properties that a noun

cannot have. For example, it is possible to suggest that humans and animals have

feelings. But can an object like a spoon have feelings? Truth be told the answer is

no, and when you suggest that a spoon has feelings you are giving a noun

properties that it does not have, and cannot have.

A few easy examples of this are…

“Aww you hurt that poor fluffy teddy bear.”

“These bricks are scared to be laid.”

“These clothes love me.”

Various political leaders are well known among the NLP community for their

common use of Selectional Restrictional Violation, and other hypnotic language

patterns during speeches and public gatherings. Interestingly enough, if you think

about it, the movers for change have long understood the power of purposeful

language and its dramatic effect on the human psyche. Why else would these

leaders have speech writers, for if not to craft a well-orchestrated array of words

designed to send the listener into an easily influence-able hypnotic trance-like

state? Media and marketing companies are certainly not exempt from this; as

they bombard the public with their “sexy, beautiful, look like this” campaigns.

One of the easiest and most obvious uses of Selectional Restriction Violation is in

Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous “I have a dream” speech where he addresses a

large crowd of people with this rather hypnotic language. To quote, “This

sweltering summer of the Negro’s Legitimate Discontent will not pass until there

is an invigorating autumn of “freedom and equality.” – Did you notice how he

described ‘legitimate discontent’ as a ‘sweltering summer’ or how ‘freedom and

equality’ can be described as an ‘invigorating autumn?’ It’s impossible for solid


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objects that are not human to have human characteristics (or feelings) when they

are not human, yet we do it in language all the time.

So even though these Selectional Restriction Violations make no logical sense,

when you add them to a speech or to your speaking patterns, you’ll notice that

the way you speak takes on a type of poetic quality, and frequently sends people

into a trance-like state.

Ambiguity One of the keys to the Milton Model is in the use of ambiguity. The Milton Model

is all about adding distortions, generalizations and deletions into the way you

speak that make it rather difficult for people to understand specifically what you

are actually saying. It forces them to try to make sense of what you are saying at

an unconscious level, and as they do so, this naturally deepens their trance-like

state. There happens to be four types of ambiguity that can be used to deepen

the trance even further, and are explained as follows…

Scope Ambiguity Scope Ambiguity is where your ambiguous language leaves the listener unsure as

to how much of the sentence the descriptors apply to. For example:

“I am a certified Personal Trainer and jogger.” Am I a certified jogger?

“Those lazy men and women.” Are the men and women lazy, or just the men?

“Speaking to you as a child.” Am I a child speaking to you? Or am I speaking to you

like I would speak to a child?

“There’s some butcher dentists and beauticians.” Are the dentist’s butchers, or is

it both the dentists and beauticians?


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Scope Ambiguity can be rather confusing on its own, but when thrown in as part

of an unrelated sentence, the listener will not consciously be able to make sense

of it.

Punctuation Ambiguity This is where you add pauses during your sentence that otherwise shouldn’t be

there, because the sentence is not yet finished. You end up adding pauses…

Where pauses really shouldn’t… Be as people… Would expect. This is really

confusing to the conscious mind, but the unconscious mind still reads the

meaning fine.

A few examples of this are…

“When you look to your right you’ll notice… your head turns… towards me…” This

will be perceived as two sentences, as both, I want you to notice your head turns,

turn your head towards me.

“In life some people… fail… to meet their own expectations.” Another two

sentences here, as both, in life some people fail, some people fail to meet their

own expectations.

Phonological Ambiguity This is when you use words that sound the same, but have a completely different

meaning.

Here are some examples of Phonological Ambiguity…

“Hare” sounds the same as “here” and “hear”

“Buy now” sounds the same as “by now”

“Ear” sounds the same as “air”


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“See” sounds the same as “sea”

This is really easy to use in a sentence and is traditionally found inside of rhymes,

however you can use this in many different areas of life, either just for fun, or for

a specific purpose.

There’s a funny Rhyme that starts off like this; “She spells C with sea shells she

sees on the sea floor.”

Frequently I notice this in marketing and sales; “By now you may decide that

you’re ready to buy now, but before you buy now, consider that by now you’ve

already seen everything you need to make a decision to buy now.” When

Phonological Ambiguity is used in this context, the sentence is also referred to as

having Embedded Commands (for another book).

Syntactic Ambiguity This is when the listener cannot determine exactly what you mean, because the

syntax of the sentence is structured as a Syntactic Ambiguity.

Examples of this are…

“Those farming farmers are confusing.” Are the farmers farming (or training)

other farmers, or are the farmers just farming on the farm?

“Moving movers is slow.” Are the movers slow to move out of your way, or are

the people moving your house furniture slow to act?

“Racing racers is tiring.” Is it racing the racers that is tiring, or is the act of racing

tiring?

“Building builders are hard work.” Are the builders training new apprentice

builders, or is someone having a hard time working with the builders?


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During this chapter I’ve shared the basic patterns that make up the Milton Model.

Next is going from what you do with your language now, to a level where you can

use this model unconsciously. An easy way to do that is to pick one pattern each

day and practice it over and over until you no longer have to think about it, and it

becomes automatic. Just like driving a car.


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Hypnotic Script

Richard Bandler says, “We are all in a trance, all of the time.” What he means by

that, is that as we go about our daily lives we are constantly focusing on our

environment (internal or external). We awake from a sleeping ‘trance’ only to

move into another ‘trance’ as we think about last night’s activities while making

breakfast. On the commute to work, we slip into another ‘trance’ thinking about

what’s happening at work and what we need to get completed. While at work we

find ourselves day dreaming (another ‘trance’) about relaxing down at the beach

with our other half-naked friends, before heading out that night for drinks and

dinner with the besties. As we commute home we find ourselves in another

‘trance’ as we are captivated by the evening news stories on the radio, completely

missing the beautiful sunset occurring just to the left of our horizon. Because we

are so caught up in a trance-like state almost all of the time (in our heads), we

tend to miss some of the most beautiful moments because we are not ‘present’

and living in the moment. What I also wanted to point out was that for most of us,

we are constantly moving in and out of one trance-like state to another.

The reason I wanted to provide a short hypnotic script for you to read daily, is

because since you’re already familiar with moving in and out of trance states, why

not create a trance-like state reading a message that will serve to reinforce a

positive body-image? This is simply another tool you can use to boost your body-

image by reprogramming your unconscious mind. If you would like to use this tool

to improve the way you feel about your body, continue reading on… Otherwise,

simply scroll down past this hypnotic script until you reach the next chapter

called, “Modelling” and continue reading from there.

Sitting comfortably read this daily for 30 days to reprogram your mind:

As you read these words noticing how your eyes move quickly and easily over the

page…


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Feeling your clothing against your skin as your heart beats in your chest allowing

you to continue breathing comfortably…

As you focus on these words notice how your breathing relaxes, even if just a

little…

Allowing yourself to relax even deeper now…

These words only serve as a guide to help you relax further and further…

Noticing your eyes focusing on each word, allowing you to take this message with

ease…

The shape of each word becomes more and more apparent to you the more

words you read now…

You find it so easy to read these words that you could try to look away if you

wanted to, but you really don’t want to because it’s just so comfortable as you

continue reading…

Noticing as your eyes move over these words… These words are speaking directly

to your unconscious mind now…

As you read these words you know that beauty is not something that comes from

adding or changing parts of yourself…

Beauty is something that comes from loving yourself regardless of how you think

you may look on the outside…

Even as your eyes move over these words your unconscious mind is absorbing all

of the message contained here and now as you continue reading…

Your body is an extension of your higher self - your spirit… However, you

understand that your spirit is not inside your body…


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Therefore, as you read these words you realize that your spirit began guiding your

body from the moment you were brought into this existence…

At birth, your mind was clear and ready for new experiences… You began to find

things you liked and didn’t like…

And sometimes you even took things that others liked and didn’t like…

Sitting here reading these words you realize that what other people think of you

and your body is of no concern to you…

Other people’s perception of you only reflects their perception of themselves…

When other people see something they dislike in another person, it only reflects

their dislike in themselves…

Following these words with your eyes, you know you can feel understanding

towards other people’s perception of you, because they are only seeing and

feeling what they dislike in themselves…

This means they are struggling in their own way with this world that has been

imposed upon them since birth…

And by freeing yourself from needing validation from others, you liberate them by

your own actions through showing them what’s possible…

Reading these words now you understand it is possible to love yourself because

you were already born loving yourself…

You’re been shrouded by darkness for too long and now it’s time to burst through

that darkness so you can love yourself once again…


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You can burst through the darkness quickly and easily by making a decision to

push through the darkness and into the light now…

Enter the light now….

As you read these words notice the feeling of love for you and your body now…

You understand you are more than your body…

You are more than your mind…

You are a higher being experiencing life here in this reality…

And this reality is yours to create moment by moment…

Instilling all of these messages inside of you now…

Reading these words now as you feel yourself becoming more and more

conscious of your surroundings…

Noticing the device you are reading this from now… As you begin to completely

focus on everything in your environment…

Remembering everything you have read here, as you’re now completely focused

and energized…

[End]


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Scale Tipping

Scale Tipping is a tool that can be used anytime with any belief that a person may

want to adjust, through a simple process of outweighing the negative belief with

positive reinforcement. Think of an old kitchen scales that has an old bag of wheat

on it. If you want to remove that bag of wheat from the scales, you would need to

either do one of two things; 1) take the bag of wheat off, or 2) put a heavier item

on the other end of the scales. Let’s say you decide on option 2, and put a large

sweet potato (positive reinforcement) on the other end causing the scales to tip

in favor of the sweet potato. What you’ve just done is add enough weight to the

scales that they have no tipped in favor of the sweet potato. Scale Tipping helps

to tip the scales of body-image in your favor. So instead of your living your life on

the negative receiving (effect) end of the spectrum, you begin living on the

positive creation (cause) end.

We can all chose to either be living at cause or effect. People who live at effect

always blame what happens to them on things outside of themselves. People who

live at cause, understand that they are at cause for everything that happens to

them in their lives, and as a result, take personal responsibility for that which is

true. Taking personal responsibility is empowering. Blaming causes on things

outside yourself is giving your power away. I’m not saying that everything that

happens to us in our lives is our doing. What I am saying is that we can’t go

around always blaming what happens to us on things outside ourselves. Instead,

we make a decision to take personal responsibility and keep the power within,

because we are the creators of our own reality – in more ways than one.

Scale Tipping helps to adjust a particular set of values and beliefs through a

process of writing down 100 reasons why… Why you want to replace an old

disempowering belief with a newer empowering one.

Here’s how to use Scale Tipping to change a belief…


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[1] Take out several pieces of paper: Lined or unlined, it doesn’t matter.

[2] Write at the top your question: Your question will be based upon the belief

you want to shift. In this case, the question “loving my body is important to me

because…” will serve to impress a change in the way you view your body-image.

[3] Write 100 reasons why: Start out with getting your first 50 reasons in one

sitting, and then add the other 50 over the rest of that day, or following 2-3 days.

[4] Read daily for 30 days: Pick it up each morning upon waking and each evening

before sleeping.

Following the Scale Tipping process you will notice a substantial difference in the

way you feel about yourself and your body, over the course of one day, one week

and one month – the more you read this list twice daily, the more permanent

change you will create.


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Modelling

If she can do it, I can do it! One of the main components to NLP is modelling,

where you learn how someone does what they do, and then you apply their

processes to your own life. NLP allows us to see the distinctions in what they do,

and to quickly and easily copy (model) them in any way we wish to improve our

results.

This is where our ability to change takes on an entirely new level, because we

have a potentially unlimited reservoir of information and processes to apply to

improve the quality of our lives. You could model someone who has a high level

of body-image, a powerful self-esteem or even excellent health; both mentally

and physically.

Modelling Keys If you can think of a particular result you wish to achieve, find someone who has

reached the highest level of that result.

The person that you are searching for to model, is not someone who has ‘only just

passed’. What you are exploring the canvas for, is someone who’s reached the

pinnacle of excellence in the particular area you’re wanting to improve (or excel

at). Modeling anyone below that level of excellence will not be worth your while,

because you’ll only reach the same level of the person you’re modeling.

In the case of boosting body-image, it would be important to find someone who

represented an excellent example of the results you wish to obtain in your own

life such as, high self-esteem, high self-confidence, high body-image etc. And this

would all reflect in their day to day lives, from their relationships with others

(intimate or other), in the way they treat themselves in front of the mirror, their

outlook towards food and exercise, how stable their mood is on a day to day basis

and how generally happy they are. They will have a particular attitude towards


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life and their body that will be serving them positively, and this is where learning

the following details come into play…

Beliefs and Values: The person’s beliefs and values are what shapes how they

perceive the world around them. How they hear, see and feel (about) their body,

other people, spirituality, their place on the earth, work-life and much more. How

they feel about all of this and more, is the foundation of what you want to

discover. In order to discover these qualities, you must ask questions such as,

“what do you believe is important in gaining results?”, “what do you believe your

body is?” and “what does the mind-body connection mean to you?” From these

questions you will find some of their empowering and disempowering beliefs and

values – from here you can begin building from the ground up.

Strategy (Syntax): In this part of the process of gaining information, you want to

enter into the conversation with a clean slate of mind. Meaning, throw away any

assumptions you have about how they think, or strategize things together in their

mind, and open yourself up to a highly curious child-like state, where all things

are possible. You’re searching for everything to do with their strategy, which

involves their Internal Representation which you can use as a guide to model their

results. They may internally represent strategies in their mind that may include

sounds (they may hear a voice in their head, or hear a family member speaking to

them), images (they see themselves as a perfect form of the human body or a

bright lighted spiritual being) or feeling (they get a charge of energy in their

stomach that moves throughout their entire body).

Physiology: This is based around what is going on with their body, and what

particular movements internally or externally are going on that they are aware of.

This could be everything from breathing tempo and heartbeat, to how they hold

their shoulders back, neck up and back straight.

Adopt these aspects yourself…

The key to this part is to begin using the model and notice how it feels for you. If

you’re not getting the same results as the person you modelled, go back and find


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out what was missing and reinstall it again. There are always many unconscious

processes that can easily be missed or overlooked, so recreating the same

behavior in yourself can take several attempts, but eventually you will get the

results you are looking for. Just keep in mind that this process may take a little

tweaking here and there until you get it working optimally.

So what can you begin to model? Because the purpose of this book is all about

boosting your body-image, find people who genuinely at the core feel really good

about themselves and start asking them questions about exercise, food and how

they perceive their bodies. Ask them what they think of clothes shopping, and

have them define their experience to you. Find out what they see, hear and feel

when they look into a mirror, and watch how they hold themselves in public and

when speaking to others. When they’re at the beach, what is their body language

like? Do they hold their arms and legs close to their sides, and try to keep

themselves compact (and small), or do they stretch out in a relaxed way and

really make an attempt to take up as much space around them as possible? Do

they wear makeup or not, and what is their impression of it, how do they feel

about it?

Those are some great basic places to start to develop a successful model that you

can apply to your own life, and if you don’t know of anyone around you who has

reached the level of excellence in the way they feel about their body (and

themselves), then spread your wings and get out and meet some new people. If

that scares you too much, then perhaps start off by researching people who feel

good about their body and themselves. Read their books, find their YouTube

channels, watch their videos and follow them on Facebook. In fact, in my book

called How To Be Happy While Building The Body You Want I share my own

personal beliefs, values, philosophy and specific strategies I used to go from

having very poor body-image and low self-esteem where I would literally shake

when meeting new people (from being so nervous), to speaking publicly about

health, wellness and how I came to feeling truly happy and powerful about myself

(both inside and out).


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The possibilities are endless, but there’s one thing I do know, and that is… If you

continue staying in the same place you are now and doing the same things,

chances are that nothing will change for you. So take a chance and decide that

there’s no better time than now to have the next big breakthrough of your life!


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Empowering Yourself

Empowering the way you feel about yourself and your body-image, through

increasing your levels of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth (and altering

your internal processes) all fall under the area of Personal or Self-Development.

Personally, I’ve been involved in the area of self-development for many years,

where I read the first material on the subject as a young teenager, and I really

haven’t stopped growing since then. But the area of Personal Development is

such a wide field of study, that like other wide fields of study, there are lots of

ways to approach this area. If someone wants to learn public speaking, for

example, they have lots of choices. They could go and work for a company that

delivers public speaking training, or requires public speaking in order to be

successful (such as a sales job) to gain practical experience. They could take a

course or go to university and learn presentations skills from a lecturer. They

could read books on the subject, watch DVD’s, or listen to audio programs. They

could do a whole host of different things that would most probably all lead to

them gaining more knowledge about public speaking. None of these particular

examples are what’s ‘best’ for everyone and anyone, because the choice for

developing a public speaking ability is dependent upon the individuals wants,

needs and desires, and how important developing themselves to that level of

communication ability is going to be to them in their future. In many ways, this is

exactly the same as with empowering your body-image.

There’s always a lot of different reasons as to why someone would want to

empower their body-image. Maybe you want to improve your body-image so that

what’s going on with you, doesn’t manifest itself in your children, and instead,

you become a more powerful role-model for them. Perhaps you want to boost

the way you feel about your body because you’re curious as to what it would be

like to live unbounded by any inhibitions you may have around your body. Maybe

you just enjoy exploring areas of yourself that you have not yet empowered,

when you’ve already come so far with many other aspects of yourself. But the

real truth is that you probably want a better life. You want to breakthrough any


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limitations that you think are binding you, and expand yourself up to fresh and

exciting possibilities. Maybe you want to walk down the beach without worrying

what other people are thinking about you. Maybe you want to feel good about

yourself in whatever you wear (including when you’re clothes shopping). Or

maybe you want to meet that exciting new lover that’s just around the corner

(you know? The one you deserve…), just waiting for you to breakthrough your

limiting beliefs and burst through the cocoon that’s held you in bondage for so

long, so you can finally be free to spread your wings and fly as high as you want to

go. Whatever your reason, the sky is the limit, so think big! The higher your

reason is for wanting to boost your body-image, the more powerful the

inspiration and motivation will be.

The most important thing to decide before you start boosting your body-image is:

What is my reason for boosting my body-image?

(What do I want to gain from boosting my body-image?)

And even though the first answer that comes to your mind will get you started,

there is a high chance that reason will transform over time as you grow through

your journey, just like the ocean is always reshaping the shoreline.

When the pinnacle of the answer to this question enters your mind, it is then

appropriate to decide the best path to take on your personal journey of discovery.

Perhaps you could take a moment to STOP, now, and write your answer to the

question below?

My main reason for boosting my body-image is:

And what I will gain from boosting my body-image is:


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You’ve become totally clear on what you’re main reason is currently, and the next

step is to decide how you’re going to achieve that. There are many ways to boost

body-image and the main strategies for boosting body-image are:

By reading books, listening to audios and watching DVD’s. These are an

awesome and inexpensive way to boost body-image. There are a lot of really

good products in this area. The challenge with learning this way is that you can

develop a fairly high standard of knowledge about body-image without really

being able to do anything with it. Coming up against the issue of actually being

able to apply all of that theory you’ve learned, which is what these products are

not so useful for.

By attending courses. Courses can be an excellent way to boost body-image.

Theory is combined with practical examples so you can absorb and internalize the

strategies, models and patterns. Getting along to a course will provide you with a

lot more hands on experience, and you are also much more likely to meet like-

minded people who have either broken through and boosted their own body-

image already (and are there for additional growth and development), or who are

in a similar place that you are at. The hill to overcome for many people with doing

a course is that they usually require you to take time off work, because they

usually run for a few days (or in some cases, over the weekends), and pooling

your finances together to be able to afford to get to one is also another hurdle.

Reading information on the internet. Spending hours scouring over the huge

vault of material online has positive and negative sides. There’s a lot of really

helpful people out there, but there’s also a lot of misguided people too. So the

information that you will find will be all over the place, with a variety of different

opinions with some saying their way is the best, or to keep away from that way.

By hiring a coach. I know a lot of really phenomenal coaches, and having your

own coach is a lot like having a team-mate around who’s already been through a

similar journey as you. Who because of their unique experience with breaking

through their own challenges and boosting their own body-image (and other


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areas of life), can be a very valuable resource. They will have already helped a

range of different people breakthrough, and because they regularly coach people,

they will be able to help you create much faster results than you may otherwise

get on your own. The downside, is that coaches often get booked out quickly

because they only have a set amount of hours allocated each week to helping

people, in order to maintain their high quality of service.

Now all of these areas of development have their own positive attributes,

however in order to fully create mastery over your body-image, you will most

likely need to engage in all of these areas, and more. As time goes on, and you

begin to breakthrough your challenges and boost your body-image, you will find

that the difference between being and living in a state that’s mostly-free or

completely-free, is in your attitude towards self-development. A hungry thirst for

honest self-exploration is what will allow you to boost your body-image as far as

you want while still remaining humble and free from the Ego-driven self.

The most important question, at least in my mind, is in whether boosting your

body-image is important to you. If your reason for boosting your body-image is to

meet that special someone, take control over the way you think (and your

thoughts), improve your relationships with friends, family and acquaintances, feel

confident and sexy wherever you go and whatever you do, whether you’re at the

beach splashing about in the waves, or walking through the local shopping center

searching for a new outfit, then the truth is that boosting your body-image is

essential and invaluable. Right now, there are many options for you to boost your

body-image, and although all of the options shared above have merits, if you

really want to break through, the quickest and easiest way to do that is by

deciding to work with a coach.


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Where to Next

What you’ll find during your journey of boosting your body-image is that there

will be several key factors that will help you to create quicker and easier results,

even if you’re not consciously aware of them yet.

Those key factors are…

[1] the coaching you need to boost your body-image

[2] the feedback to reflect how you’re doing, and

[3] the motivation to keep you moving forward

And this is where I come in.

I’ve been studying self-development for years now, and have put hundreds of

hours into breaking through many of my own issues (which I struggled with for

years; almost from the moment I was born), and I would love to share what I’ve

learned with you, and help YOU to your boost body-image. I don’t mean in the

way you boost your ego by adding things to yourself, or in the way you might

have tried to do in the past by getting people to tell you how good you look

(those way’s don’t work; trust me, I’ve tried them). I want you to truly feel good

about your body (inside and out) – to go far past simply knowing about how your

body and mind works, so that you can actually go on to be in a body you love!

And because of that, I would like to be YOUR COACH and work with you to help

you to feel amazing about yourself. As a special bonus for deciding to take action

and start working with me, I would love to offer you a free gift when you sign up

to one of my programs. To redeem your free gift today simply go to

nickritchielive.com and book in your first coaching session and you will receive a

prompt reply from me where I will arrange for you to receive your free gift ASAP.


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About the Author

Nick is genuinely passionate about making people’s lives better through sharing

his own experience of breaking through poor body-image, and providing tools and

strategies that he has not only used to boost his own body-image, but also many

other people whom he’s worked with world-wide.

Nick began his personal development journey in 2000 as he started teaching

himself about new ways of thinking and behaving through the many online

magazines and websites that were available at the time. By 2004 Nick had

dropped out of high school and had hit an all-time low of self-esteem, but in the

end of that year he was suddenly exposed to a self-development concept that

caused him to think differently; about how he was more than his past, and his

present… And how in rather than just living a life, he could design a future and

create any way of being he wished. Since then, Nick has gone on to speak publicly

in the areas of personal development, health, wellness, and through sharing his

own personal breakthrough story, has become a leader in the body-image

empowerment movement.

He has authored several books and has plans to create additional products that

are designed to increase the quality of people’s lives worldwide and boost the

body-image of many more people.

Upon writing this book I started with the intention to help you breakthrough and

boost your body-image using specific NLP techniques, and I’m happy to say that

upon the completion of this book I believe I have done just that. One of the most

challenging areas of life for many people, is getting started, and then following all

the way through to completion – selecting the right course or coach can progress

to years of freedom around the way you feel about yourself, whereas not

choosing a good coach or resource could mean you don’t gain the level of results

you were originally looking for. I just hope that you’ve enjoyed the value I’ve


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provided in this book and the introduction to using NLP to boost your body-

image!

Warmly,

Nick Ritchie

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