A Song of Ice and Fitz

JCR Pillaged By

Barbarians

The door to the Small

Council meeting room swung

open, and then slammed shut

with an almost inconceivably

deafening bang.

“Corbyn’s beard!” King Alex

bellowed, as he surveyed the

ruins of the once great

meeting room. “There is no

curse in Entish, Welfareish or

the tongues of Target and

Access for this treachery!”

It was a grim sight. The

bodies of pool cues lay

broken and decapitated

across the floor. The table

football was still standing but

only just—one of its feet had

been taken clean off, and

someone had pinched its

balls. And what few riches

had been left in the room—

the bookshelf; the game of

Cards Against Humanity and

its expansion pack—were

gone without a trace.

The King shed a bitter tear as

his Small Council looked on,

searching for words of

comfort but finding only

sorrow. Finally, with a heavy

sigh, the King spoke.

“There was a time when I had

faith in the fundamental

goodness of men. There was

a time when I believed that

we could leave a sacred room

unguarded without fear of it

being attacked. That time has

passed. Today, my patience

runs out. I will replace what

has been lost once more but

only once. If further damage

is done, so be it.”

Small Council to

Banish Ghost of

Fitzmas Past

The Small Council meeting

room has long been haunted

by a creature moste evile: the

ghost of Fitzmas past. A

lesser council might have

accepted this as a regrettable

necessity, but not the 2015

team, who have hired famed

ghost-hunter Rob Clarke to

rid them of this pesky fiend.

The exorcism will take place

in a few weeks time and all

citizens of Fitzeros are

invited to take part. They will

be allowed to submit their

names in an electronic lottery

with one friend. Lottery

winners will be able to attend

the Fitzmas banquets. The

painlessness of the process

will rid us of the ghost once

and for all.

A Clash of Kings

It is the beginning of the end

for this year’s Small Council.

After a long and glorious

year of improving the lives of

their citizens, our esteemed

councillors are getting ready

to stand down from their

positions of power and pass

the baton on to a fresh new

committee.

While they do not expect the

new prospective Kings to

start rallying their troops for

battle just yet, it is never too

early to start planning

campaign strategy to try and

assemble the biggest army

when the time comes.

As for the other positions on

the Council, there can surely

be no greater excitement than

that surrounding the position

of Master of Whispers—the

person who will take up the

mantle of editing the

prestigious publication that is

the ‘Billy Bulletin’. Some

have even suggested that this

role is more important than

that of the monarch, given the

Bulletin’s enormous

readership and reach.

In all events, there will be

thrills, spills and more drama

than you could possibly

imagine in the coming weeks.

What a time to be alive.

A View From The ‘Bridge

Caius May Ball

Caius May Ball is looking for

dedicated, enthusiastic students to

work on the night of the Ball, on

Tuesday 14th June 2016. Working

is a great way to experience a May

Ball, as well as earn some cash for

May Week. There are a variety of

positions available, including

supervisor roles, so apply soon!

(Experience not required except

for supervisors.) First shift

workers will be able to attend the

second half of the ball, whilst

second shift workers will be paid

an hourly rate. Interviews will be

run from Friday 20th - Sunday

22nd November. To get involved,

please complete the application

form below:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1

-Eg4j0mDhPXPr-

L21VD1EBq9MzuvHI4-

guQ99qfgvYU/viewform?

usp=send_form

Sell Christmas Trees

WORK AVAILABLE SELLING

CHRISTMAS TREES IN

LONDON DURING XMAS

BREAK @ £9 per hour.

THE CHRISTMAS FOREST is

London's biggest independent, real

Christmas tree retailer. We sell

sustainable, prime grade trees at

attractive purpose built sites

around london and have been

employing Cambridge students for

over 10 years. Many return to

work to work for us each

christmas during their time in

education. We are currently

recruiting friendly, hard working

staff for ten sites around London

Highbury, Finsbury Park, Stoke

Newington, Lee Valley

(Hackney), Kensal Green, Ealing,

Putney, Richmond, Dulwich,

Clapham.

- Open everyday from Nov 23rd to

Dec 24th

- Shifts 4 to 9 hours long

- Looking for people to work 2-5

shifts

- Availability for weekends of 5th/6th

Dec & 12th/13th Dec an advantage

- £9 per hour. Paid weekly

Please apply to

rick@christmasforest.co.uk with a

CV and short cover note stating;

Availability between Dec 5th -

Dec 23rd

Preferred location.

Website:

www.christmasforest.co.uk

Times Top 100

Employers

"ey Everyone, I know term is just

starting but a number of

applications close THIS MONTH

- so please don't miss any you are

interested in.

A list of the Times Top 100

employers can be found here. Sign

up on the link (it takes one minute

exactly!) for info about deadlines,

salaries and useful application

tips.

This applies for grad roles and

internships: http://

www.top100graduateemployers.co

m/e/cam

Don't miss your chance!

The book can be picked up for

free from your college too!

*Cognition & Emotion

study examining

concentration and

response to pictures and

words (1 session)*

We are researchers at the MRC

Cognition & Brain Sciences Unit,

and are looking for individuals

experiencing low (depressed)

mood to participate in a study

examining concentration and

response to pictures and words.

The study takes 2 to 2.5 hours,

involving two computer tasks and

some paper-based questionnaires.

We are looking for native-level

English speakers with no history

of neurological disorders or

learning disorders, and those who

are not currently receiving any

treatment for a mental health

condition.

You will be reimbursed £14.50+

for your time and travel.

Please email julie.ji@mrc-

cbu.cam.ac.uk if you fit the above

criteria would like to find out

more information.

A View From The ‘Bridge

*Neuroimaging fMRI study

examining future thinking

(2 sessions)*

We are a researchers from the MRC

Cognition and Brain Science Unit and

we are looking for participants (aged

18 – 40) who have had experiences

typical of Bipolar Disorder (mood

swings, low mood etc.) for a

neuroimaging study. The study

(ethics ref. number 15/EE/0199) is

called 'Visions' and investigates

how imagining future events impacts

on mood and anxiety. Participants are

reimbursed for their time and travel.

Please don't hesitate to contact us for

any other information by emailing

<MoodandImagery@mrc-

cbu.cam.ac.uk>.

Christ’s Films

The Lego Movie – Saturday

24th October - 9pm.

Running time: 101 mins

Chris Pratt is joined by a huge all-star

cast in this hit animated film. Emmett

leads as an unlikely hero where a case

of mistaken identity sends him on a

quest to save the LEGO universe.

Aided by Vitruvius (Morgan

Freeman) and Wyldstyle (Elizabeth

Banks) and a whole assortment of

classic LEGO characters, he leads the

fight against the tyrannical Lord

Business.

Undecided? Watch the trailer

here: https://www.youtube.com/

watch?v=fZ_JOBCLF-I

Join our events on Facebook and

Agora for updates:

Facebook event: https://

www.facebook.com/

events/1628011430791290/

Agora Event: https://joinagora.com/

events/2190/

Tickets: £4 for university members

Location: Yusuf Hamied Theatre,

Christ's College

Find out more about Christ's Films on

our website: http://bit.ly/christsfilms

COMEDY LIVE

Thu 29 October, 8pm

Lucy Beaumont, supported by Julian

Deane

MC: Hayley Ellis

Student tickets: £5 in the balcony or

£10 in the cabaret seating with the

promo code STUDENTLIVE

Book

here: www.cambridgelivetrust.co.uk/

cornex/events/comedy-live-lucy-

beaumont

Comedy Live is a brand new comedy

evening in Cambridge, featuring

some of the very best up-and-coming

acts on the scene. Enjoy some

excellent comedy with refreshments

from our Grub & Glug menu in

cabaret style table seating, perfect for

groups.

Lucy Beaumont is the winner of the

BBC New Comedy award, Chortle

Best Newcomer and star of BBC3's

Live at the Electric. In 2014, Lucy's

debut Edinburgh show 'We Can

Twerk It Out' was nominated for the

Foster’s Newcomer Award.

Auditions for 'Iolanthe'

Auditions for the CUG&S Society's

production of 'Iolanthe' will be taking

place next week. The show will be at

West Road Concert Hall from 3rd to

6th February. It is the society's largest

Cambridge production of the year at

one of the largest student venues in

Cambridge. The show centres around

the conflict between a bunch of

mischievous fairies and a troupe of

Lords as they attempt to woo the

beautiful Phyllis. She, however, is

already in love with the half-man,

half-fairy, Strephon and when the

pompous lords break up the couple

the fairies vow revenge.

To audition for this magical show,

please sign up for a slot here: http://

doodle.com/poll/vfzivp6zinvuyfig

Auditions will last 10 minutes and we

would like you to prepare a solo song

in a similar style to Gilbert and

Sullivan. An accompanist will be

provided, as will vocal scores of all

the G&S operettas. There will also be

extracts of dialogue available on the

door which you will be asked to

prepare. All auditions will be held in

the Selwyn College Choir Vestry at

the following times:

Saturday 24th October - 12-2pm and

6-8pm

Monday 26th October - 8-10pm

Wednesday 28th October - 7:30-

10pm

More information can be found

here: https://www.camdram.net/

shows/2016-iolanthe

If you have any questions or would

like to arrange an alternative audition

slot, please email James

on jei25@cam.ac.uk

A View From The ‘Bridge

Canaccord Genuity

Canaccord Genuity will be

holding an exclusive on-campus

networking evening on Thursday

29th October at The Pitt Building

in the Oriel Room, (Trumpington

Street, Cambridge, CB2 1RP),

from 6:00-7:30pm. There will be a

short company presentation,

followed by drinks and canapes,

and you will have the chance to

network with members of the

business and find out more about

the firm.

If you are interested in attending,

please submit your CV in

Microsoft Word format, and a

brief email

to canaccordgenuity@dartmouthp

artners.com

Canaccord Genuity is the global

capital markets division of

Canaccord Genuity Group Inc.

offering institutional and corporate

clients idea-driven investment

banking, merger and acquisition,

research, sales and trading

services from offices in 10

countries worldwide. Our team of

nearly 1,000 capital markets and

advisory professionals has

industry and transactional

expertise in 18 key sectors of the

global economy. We are

committed to providing valued

services to our clients throughout

the entire lifecycle of their

business and operating as a gold

standard independent investment

bank – expansive in resources and

reach, but targeted in industry

expertise, market focus and

individual client attention.

Our globally integrated and multi-

lingual investment banking team

advises global corporate,

government and private equity

clients and has the ability to list

companies on 10 exchanges

worldwide. Investment banking

analysts have opportunities to

collaborate with deal and advisory

teams in Canada, the US, the UK,

Ireland, France, Germany,

Singapore and Australia.

Investment Banking Graduate

Analyst Programme:

Canaccord Genuity are looking to

hire 6-8 graduates to join their

business in September 2016, to

work directly for an Associate

and/or Vice President on a project

by project basis supporting

Directors and Managing Directors

in the Investment Banking Team

in the origination and execution of

Corporate Advisory and Broking

transactions across a range of

sectors.

For more information and in order

to apply, please

visit www.canaccordgenuitygradu

ates.co.uk

Investment Banking Summer

Intern Programme:

Canaccord Genuity will also be

looking to hire 5 interns for the

summer of 2016. Applications for

this programme will open in

December 2015, and you can find

out more

via www.canaccordgenuitygraduat

es.co.uk

Apply Now: EPAfrica

Projects 2016

Ten week summer project with

Education Partnerships Africa

(EPAfrica) – APPLICATIONS

NOW OPEN.

Successful applicants will work in

teams of two or three in

partnership with rural secondary

schools in Kenya and Uganda. Our

volunteers don’t teach, because we

don’t believe that this has a long-

term impact. Instead, each team

works in partnership with these

schools to make a long-term,

sustainable impact through the

investment of £1,800 in durable

educational resources and the

creation of sustainable health,

sanitation, careers and gender

equality programmes.

Find out more information, and

apply directly, at

www.epafrica.org.uk.

EPAfrica has a system of rolling

applications, so apply early to

avoid disappointment!

Final deadline: 20th November.