Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A: Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A: Ruth-less.

Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.

Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A: Samson; he brought the house down.

Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the Big Inning

Eve stole first

Adam stole secondCain struck out Abel

The Prodigal Son made a home run

The Giants and the Angels were rained

outBrother Noah gave out checks for the rain

Rebecca went to the well with the pitcher

Gideon rattled the pitcher

David put Goliath out

Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A: They were really put out.

Q: What is one of the first thing that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A: They really raised Cain.

Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?A: Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q: How long did Cain hate his brother?

A: As long as he was Abel!

Q: The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?

A: They used floodlights.

Q: After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?A: 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark.

Q: Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?

A: When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q: Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?

A: When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.

Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?A: David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?A: The thought had never entered his head before?

Q: If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?

A: No, he already fell for it once.

Q: What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A: Turn right and go straight.

Q: Why won't we drink milk in the new world?

A: Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction.

Q: Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?

A: At the transfiguration, Jesus said, "Tell the vision to no one."

Q: Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?

A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A: The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.

Q: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?

A: Because Job16:12, 14, 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."

Q: Will there be dogs in the new system?

A: No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.

Q: Who was the straightest man in the bible?

A: Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.

Q: What sport did Moses play?

A: Tennis or basketball because we know that Moses played in Pharoah's courts.

Q: Who is the shortest man mentioned in the Bible ?

A: Bildad the Shuhite

Q: How do we know that they played cards in the ark?

A: Because Noah sat on the deck.

A couple are embroiled in an argument about who should make the morning coffee. "You wake up first," the husband says to his wife, "so you should make the coffee.“

"But the Bible ordains that the husband should make the coffee," his wife retorts.

"Where does it say that?" the husband demands.

"Right here," the wife says, opening a Bible. "Look, it says 'Hebrews.'"

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Where is the first math problem mentioned in the Bible?

A. When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.

Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A: Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A: Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?A. Because they were using

"fowl" language.

Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?

A. Quackers.

Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?A. When Noah took Ham into

the ark.

Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" His mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

George W. Bush, the president of the United States, was in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

Excited, George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

Mr. Bush positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

Q: Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?

A: When God gave Moses two tablets.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?

A. German Shepherds.

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A: A roamin' Catholic!

Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?

A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

Q: Why did God create man before woman?

A: He didn't want any advice.

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

A young couple invited their pastor for Sunday dinner.

While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"

A small child was sitting in her mother's lap and they were looking at a magazine together. When they came across a picture of Jesus, her mother asked, "Do you know who that is?"

"Yes," the young child said matter-of-factly, "He goes to our church."

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River'."

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary."

The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?“ A little kid said, "Verge."

Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?“

The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service,

"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A pastor decides to visit some of his flock on a Saturday afternoon. He knocks at a door. Her thinks he hears someone inside but no one comes to the door. The pastor takes out a business card and writes on it Rev 3:20 which says, "I stand at the door and knock if you but open the door I will come in and eat with you and you with me." On Sunday his card appears in the collection plate on it is written Gen 3:10 that says, " I heard your voice from the garden but I was afraid I was naked and I hid myself."

What US state is mentioned in the bible?

Arkansaw.  "Noah looked out of the ark and saw..."

A 7-year old boy proudly tells his father: "I finally know what the Bible means!"

Surprised the father replied: "What do you mean, you "know" what the Bible means? What does it mean?"

"That's easy, dad.......It stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth."

The first mention of a cigarette in the Bible was in Genesis.

When Rachel saw Isaac from a far, she lit off her camel