Being Emotionally Being Emotionally FocusedFocused

Adapted from Les Greenberg, 2003Adapted from Les Greenberg, 2003

Mark Young, Ph.D.Mark Young, Ph.D.

Director, Marriage and Family Director, Marriage and Family CounselingCounseling

Gonzaga UniversityGonzaga University

““Emotions are never right or wrong. Emotions are never right or wrong. They’re always right. From the They’re always right. From the perspective of the person feeling the perspective of the person feeling the emotion – it’s the truth. It’s what I emotion – it’s the truth. It’s what I feel.”feel.”

– Dr. Xavier Amador (PBS (2010) This Emotional Dr. Xavier Amador (PBS (2010) This Emotional Life)Life)

Why Focus on Emotion?Why Focus on Emotion?

Affect is informationAffect is information Affect is primary motivator of behaviorAffect is primary motivator of behavior Emotions are often feared and avoidedEmotions are often feared and avoided Emotional reactions learned through Emotional reactions learned through

experienceexperience Emotional experience and reactions Emotional experience and reactions

can be changedcan be changed

Emotional ProcessingEmotional Processing

Not catharsis or “getting rid of”Not catharsis or “getting rid of” Allow, tolerate, acceptAllow, tolerate, accept Make sense of Make sense of Transform Transform

What is Emotion?What is Emotion? A relational action tendencyA relational action tendency A process of meaning constructionA process of meaning construction Emotions are relational action tendencies that Emotions are relational action tendencies that

act to establish, maintain, or disrupt our act to establish, maintain, or disrupt our relationship with the environment in the form of relationship with the environment in the form of a readiness to act.a readiness to act.

Emotions are the basis of social connectedness Emotions are the basis of social connectedness and constantly give us signals about our social and constantly give us signals about our social bonds.bonds.

Emotion results from automatic appraisals of Emotion results from automatic appraisals of situations in relation to needs/goals/concernssituations in relation to needs/goals/concerns

Emotion is adaptive, not rational or irrationalEmotion is adaptive, not rational or irrational

Emotion and ReasonEmotion and Reason

Nothing is urgent or important in life Nothing is urgent or important in life unless and until it is brought to our unless and until it is brought to our attention by emotion.attention by emotion.

Each of the emotions may be thought of as Each of the emotions may be thought of as a spotlight that turns on to show us what a spotlight that turns on to show us what needs cognition.needs cognition.

Each spotlight motivates us to use our Each spotlight motivates us to use our cognition differently.cognition differently.

Stimulus gets a response only if it triggers Stimulus gets a response only if it triggers emotion.emotion.

Emotion SchemesEmotion Schemes

Represent internally our emotional Represent internally our emotional reactions plus the evoking stimulus reactions plus the evoking stimulus situation.situation.

Later we represent our conceptual Later we represent our conceptual learning and beliefs associated with our learning and beliefs associated with our emotional experience.emotional experience.

Results in a “high level” synthesis which Results in a “high level” synthesis which when evoked provides our sense of things when evoked provides our sense of things such as feeling unsure, confident, such as feeling unsure, confident, vulnerable, or “on top of the world.”vulnerable, or “on top of the world.”

Emotional ReactionsEmotional Reactions

Emotions tell me if things are going Emotions tell me if things are going well for me or notwell for me or not

Emotional reactions are learned – Emotional reactions are learned – emotional systems are highly emotional systems are highly adaptive – can become maladaptiveadaptive – can become maladaptive

Emotional reactions can be changedEmotional reactions can be changed

Emotional ProcessingEmotional Processing

I always have a feeling of what is I always have a feeling of what is happening rather I like it or not – I can happening rather I like it or not – I can choose how I attend to it.choose how I attend to it.

How we make sense of what is going How we make sense of what is going on inside of us determines who we are on inside of us determines who we are and how we will experience the and how we will experience the momentmoment

How we make sense of emotions can How we make sense of emotions can be influenced by culturebe influenced by culture

Meaning MakingMeaning Making

How we explain/describe to ourselves How we explain/describe to ourselves and others how we are feeling will and others how we are feeling will influence what is going to happen influence what is going to happen and what we needand what we need

Out of our explaining process comes Out of our explaining process comes our articulated self beliefs & self our articulated self beliefs & self representations – our self narrativesrepresentations – our self narratives

Meaning MakingMeaning Making

Example: “I’m depressed”Example: “I’m depressed”– I’m tired, need a break.I’m tired, need a break.– My life is horrible, I don’t like my life or My life is horrible, I don’t like my life or

self.self.

Depending on how you explain this Depending on how you explain this internal feeling influences how you internal feeling influences how you see yourself, what will happen next.see yourself, what will happen next.

AssessmentAssessment

Primary Primary – Adaptive or MaladaptiveAdaptive or Maladaptive

SecondarySecondary Instrumental Instrumental

CharacteristicsCharacteristics

Primary AdaptivePrimary Adaptive– Feel good even if not happyFeel good even if not happy– Nothing that feels bad is ever the last Nothing that feels bad is ever the last

stepstep– First experienced in the body translated First experienced in the body translated

into actioninto action– Brings relief/changeBrings relief/change– Enhances self and relationshipsEnhances self and relationships– Cues complete, full, sureness, calm, Cues complete, full, sureness, calm,

integrated, alive, clarityintegrated, alive, clarity

CharacteristicsCharacteristics

Primary MaladaptivePrimary Maladaptive– Feels badFeels bad– StuckStuck– Destructive to self and othersDestructive to self and others– Cues: Self pity, whining, tantrums, Cues: Self pity, whining, tantrums,

hysterical sobbing, ranting, false calm or hysterical sobbing, ranting, false calm or overexcited.overexcited.

CharacteristicsCharacteristics

SecondarySecondary– ObscuresObscures– ReactiveReactive– ProtectiveProtective– DiffuseDiffuse– Cues: Upset, hopeless, confused, low Cues: Upset, hopeless, confused, low

engery, inhibited.engery, inhibited.

CharacteristicsCharacteristics

InstrumentalInstrumental– An emotional expression used to An emotional expression used to

influence others.influence others.– Learn to express emotions to get gain.Learn to express emotions to get gain.

Emotional FunctioningEmotional FunctioningEmotionEmotion AdaptiveAdaptive MaladaptiveMaladaptiveSadnessSadness Grieving,Grieving, Hopeless, Hopeless,

despair,despair,Reaching outReaching out Desperate clingingDesperate clinging

AngerAnger EmpoweringEmpowering DestructiveDestructive

LoveLove Caring, freeingCaring, freeing Addictive, clingingAddictive, clinging

AnxietyAnxiety Signals dangerSignals danger TraumaticTraumatic

ShameShame Belong to group,Belong to group, Self hate, Self hate, contemptcontempt

RemorseRemorse

Disgust/Disgust/ Healthy outrageHealthy outrage Self/other Self/other abuseabuse

ContemptContempt

Emotionally Focused Emotionally Focused InterventionIntervention

1 – Bond1 – Bond

2 – Evoke2 – Evoke

3 – Access Deeper Emotion Scheme3 – Access Deeper Emotion Scheme

4 – Narrative Reconstruction4 – Narrative Reconstruction

Adaptive Maladaptive

Guide Transform

SIX MAJOR EMOTIONAL CHANGESIX MAJOR EMOTIONAL CHANGEPROCESSESPROCESSES

A)Accessing EmotionA)Accessing Emotion

1. Increase Emotional Awareness & 1. Increase Emotional Awareness & Symbolization inSymbolization in

the Context of Salient Personal Stories.the Context of Salient Personal Stories.

Symbolizing emotional experience in awareness Symbolizing emotional experience in awareness in orderin order

to make sense of one’s experience. What am I to make sense of one’s experience. What am I feeling?feeling?

2. Express Emotion.2. Express Emotion.

Expressing changes the self and changes Expressing changes the self and changes interactionsinteractions

both by revealing and mobilizing selfboth by revealing and mobilizing self

B) Modulating & UnderstandingB) Modulating & Understanding

3. Enhance Emotion Regulation3. Enhance Emotion Regulation

Explicit regulation. Use deliberate cerebral Explicit regulation. Use deliberate cerebral capacities tocapacities to

contain and regulate maladaptive amygdala contain and regulate maladaptive amygdala reactionsreactions

(especially fear, rage and shame). Implicit self (especially fear, rage and shame). Implicit self soothing.soothing.

Allowing, tolerating, accepting and soothing.Allowing, tolerating, accepting and soothing.

4. Reflect on Emotion.4. Reflect on Emotion.

Making sense of experience. Dis-embeding. Making sense of experience. Dis-embeding. Creation of Creation of new meaning. Insight. Seeing patterns, new meaning. Insight. Seeing patterns, understanding in understanding in a new way. New narrative constructiona new way. New narrative construction

C) Transforming EmotionC) Transforming Emotion

5) Change Emotion with Emotion. 5) Change Emotion with Emotion.

An alternate self organizationAn alternate self organization, , set of emotion set of emotion schematic memories, or “voices” in the schematic memories, or “voices” in the

personality based personality based on primary emotions are accessed on primary emotions are accessed by by

(a) intentional re-allocation or (a) intentional re-allocation or

(b) focus on a new need/goal.(b) focus on a new need/goal.

(c) changing interactions (c) changing interactions

The maladaptive emotional response is synthesized The maladaptive emotional response is synthesized with, or transformed by, more adaptive emotional with, or transformed by, more adaptive emotional response.response.

6. Change Emotion with New Experience.6. Change Emotion with New Experience.

New lived experience with another provides a New lived experience with another provides a correctivecorrective

emotional experience. Disconfirms pathogenic emotional experience. Disconfirms pathogenic beliefs.beliefs.

Provides interpersonal soothing. New success Provides interpersonal soothing. New success experienceexperience

changes emotion.changes emotion.

Accessing Alternate Accessing Alternate EmotionsEmotions

0. The empathic relationship0. The empathic relationship

1. Shift attention to present subdominant emotion1. Shift attention to present subdominant emotion

2. Access adaptive need/goal and associated 2. Access adaptive need/goal and associated emotionemotion

3. Expressive enactment of alternate emotion3. Expressive enactment of alternate emotion

4. Imagery to evoke emotion4. Imagery to evoke emotion

5. Evoke emotion memory of alternate emotion5. Evoke emotion memory of alternate emotion

6. Mood induction via music6. Mood induction via music

7. Humor7. Humor

8. Cognitive creation of new meaning8. Cognitive creation of new meaning

9. Therapist expresses emotion for client9. Therapist expresses emotion for client

10. Relationship evokes new emotion10. Relationship evokes new emotion

InterventionsInterventions

When we get to a maladaptive When we get to a maladaptive primary emotion we want to primary emotion we want to restructure itrestructure it

When we get to a secondary emotion When we get to a secondary emotion we want to validate & explorewe want to validate & explore

All emotions are not the same – All emotions are not the same – getting in touch with just any feeling getting in touch with just any feeling isn’t going to produce changeisn’t going to produce change

In touch with core fear or core shame In touch with core fear or core shame is not productiveis not productive

ExamplesExamples

Client was depressed, crying & Client was depressed, crying & expressing sadness but also expressing expressing sadness but also expressing angeranger– Secondary sadness (could be instrumental)Secondary sadness (could be instrumental)– Primary pain/angerPrimary pain/anger

Once we identify primary emotion we Once we identify primary emotion we must access it to get informationmust access it to get information– If it is adaptive then we guide If it is adaptive then we guide – If it is maladaptive we restructureIf it is maladaptive we restructure

HighlightsHighlights

Dialogue with self is not about “is it true”Dialogue with self is not about “is it true”– It is to access feelings/access the experienceIt is to access feelings/access the experience

Need to help clients access emotion & Need to help clients access emotion & learn how to bracket or come out of the learn how to bracket or come out of the emotionemotion

Practice going in and coming out to show Practice going in and coming out to show they can do it/to help show emotions are they can do it/to help show emotions are part of life.part of life.

HighlightsHighlights

We cannot take someone to an We cannot take someone to an emotional place unless we have been emotional place unless we have been there ourselvesthere ourselves

If not we will take them there and then If not we will take them there and then take them out too fast or send a take them out too fast or send a message that emotions is bad or unsafemessage that emotions is bad or unsafe

““I feel like a failure, does not mean I am I feel like a failure, does not mean I am a failure.”a failure.”