Behaviour & Relationships

NUT WalesJune2014

Paul Howard

paulhoward109@btinternet.com

Aims of Session

• To provide a theoretical basis for understanding interactions and the locus of responsibility for behaviour

• To explore and encourage application of that understanding in everyday situations

• To build on participants’ existing good practice

Raw Material

• Think of a recent situation in which the interaction between you and another/others was getting nowhere

• Make a mental note of how you were feeling at the time

Key Concept – Ego States

Ego states are media through

which our personalities are

experienced and manifested

P

A

C

PParent Ego State

Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings taken in from parents or parental figures

CChild Ego State

Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood and childhood decisions

AAdult Ego StateBehaviours, thoughts and feelings that are direct responses to the current reality

P

A

C

Parent Ego State

Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings taken in from parents or parental figures

Child Ego State

Attitudes, behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood and childhood decisions

Adult Ego StateBehaviours, thoughts and feelings that are direct responses to the current reality

Parent Ego State

What thoughts, feelings, attitudes

and behaviours do you associate

with the parent figures whom you encountered when you were growing up?

A

CP NP

Critical ParentMoralisticJudgementalAuthoritarian

Nurturing ParentReassuringCaringEncouragingSupportiveUnderstanding

C

Child Ego State

What thoughts, feelings, attitudes

and behaviours do you associate

with your experience of childhood

and the decisions you made as a

child?

A

CP NP

FCRC

CC

ADAPTED CHILDRebellious ChildDefiantComplaining

Compliant ChildPassiveSubmissive

Free ChildCuriousEnergeticFun-lovingSpontaneous

A

CP NP

FCRC

CC

AdultNon-judgementalOpen-mindedInterestedConfidentReality based

A

CP NP

FCRC

CC

Critical ParentMoralisticJudgementalAuthoritarian

Nurturing ParentReassuringCaringEncouragingSupportiveUnderstanding

AdultNon-judgementalOpen-mindedInterestedConfidentReality based

ADAPTED CHILDRebellious ChildDefiantComplaining

Compliant ChildPassiveSubmissive

Free ChildCuriousEnergeticFun-lovingSpontaneous

CONTROL CARE

- -

++

Criticising ModeBossy, Fault Finding,Punitive

Inspiring, Directive,FirmStructuring Mode

Marshmallowing ModeOverindulgent, InconsistentSmothering

Cherishing, UnderstandingCompassionateNurturing Mode

ADAPTED NATURAL

--

+ +Co-operative/Assertive ModeSociable, Assertive,Considerate

Anxious, RebelliousSubmissiveCompliant/Resistant Mode

Spontaneous ModeCreative, ExpressiveZestful

Egocentric, RecklessSelfishImmature Mode

ACCOUNTINGAlertAwareGroundedRational

Input and output of facts and information

ACCOUNTING

CONTROL CARE

ADAPTED NATURAL

-

-

-

-

++

+ +

Criticising ModeBossy, Fault Finding,Punitive

Inspiring, Directive,FirmStructuring Mode

AlertAwareGroundedRational

Co-operative/Assertive ModeSociable, Assertive,Considerate

Anxious, RebelliousSubmissiveCompliant/Resistant Mode

Marshmallowing ModeOverindulgent, InconsistentSmothering

Cherishing, UnderstandingCompassionateNurturing Mode

Input and output of facts and information

Spontaneous ModeCreative, ExpressiveZestful

Egocentric, RecklessSelfishImmature Mode

‘Invitations to Play’

P

A

C

P

A

C

‘Invitations to Play’

P

A

C

P

A

C

‘Spot the Ego State’

• Which Ego State is ‘A’ in?

• From which sub-conscious Ego States might ‘B’ respond?

• What would those responses look and sound like?

• What would a response by ‘B’ in Adult Ego state look/sound like?

Reflection & discussion

• Revisit the scenario you thought about at the start of the session.

• In what ego states were you and the other(s) during the interaction?

• If you find that the exchange was mainly reactive (Parent, Child) what would you have done differently in a conscious (Adult) state?

Key Concept - Strokes

• One of our basic needs is recognition

• A stroke is a unit of recognition

DOING

POSITIVE

BEING

NEGATIVE

DOING

POSITIVE

BEING

NEGATIVE

Well done’‘Thanks’‘Excellent’ Thumbs up

DOING

POSITIVE

BEING

NEGATIVE

DOING

POSITIVE

BEING

NEGATIVE

‘Welcome’‘It’s good to see you again’‘I love you’Smile

DOING

POSITIVE

BEING

NEGATIVE

DOING

POSITIVE

BEING

NEGATIVE

Stroke Diets

+ ----

Stroke Diets

+ +

+ ----

Stroke Diets

----

+++