Beggar and Shaman I 972

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Spiritual Awakening

Transcript of Beggar and Shaman I 972

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THE BEGGAR & THE SHAMAN I

Spiritual Awakening!

By

Richard Crown

©2012

Cover by Richard T. Peeler

Also by Richard Crown

Golden Lotus

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In the Beginning: How to Meditate & Heal With Love

Personal meditation courses are available at Shaktipat-meditation.org

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For Remedia

Nothing in my life is possible

without your loving support.

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Contents

Chapter One

Called Home

Chapter Two

Kwan Yin's Prediction

Chapter Three

Krishna Kantha Opens My Mind

Chapter Four

Using Krishna's Gifts

Other Books by Richard Crown

About the Author

Excerpt From

IN THE BEGINNING:

How to Meditate & Heal With Love

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Chapter One

Called Home

Truths change,

knowings increase,

when mind pierces veils.

nobody

October 19, 2006

Singapore

Tears burst from my eyes. They streamed down my face, soaking my long white whiskers. Snot filled my mustache.

I was crying for the first time in thirty years. Tough guys don't cry, especially ex marines.

I wiped at my streaming tears, trying to hide them before Remedia could come out of the kitchen and catch me blubbering.

Suddenly a great wave of emotion swept through me that felt like homecoming. I was home! This was the first instance in my highly nomadic life that I had felt completely at home.

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When it faded, I was enveloped in peace. I was finally at peace with myself, everyone else and the entire universe.

Just before tears flooded my eyes, I had received an inner prompting to check out charismatic Christian healer Ron Roth's web site. On it was article written by Kiara Windrider that had triggered the highly unusual emotional response in me.

The article was about a place in India called the Oneness University and a Guru named Bhagavan.

Over the next few days, I searched every website I could find about the Oneness Movement and sent e-mails to every address that popped up.

Strangely, only one person answered.

Krishna Kantha invited us to come to Thailand and stay with him to receive the preparatory teachings to attend the Oneness University.

October 29, 2006

Ban Thor Phan

(Dream Weaver's Home)

Sankraburi, Kanchanaburi Province, Thailand

Getting to Sankraburi from Bangkok was horrible.

We were both exhausted and in pain from our various health problems.

Krishna had been unable to pick us up in Bangkok as planned because his wife had become ill suddenly and was in hospital.

His Bangkok based manager, Mrs. Lee, had also been engaged and was unable to meet us as promised.

The obstacles that block access to nearly every great learning experience had appeared.

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We were on our own.

We got on a bus going to Kanchanaburi. Arriving after less than two hours, we called Krishna for instructions on getting to his place, thinking we were almost there.

I nearly lost my temper when he told me to leave the bus terminal and walk down the street to find some office to get a van for another ride of several hours.

“Richard, just ask around and they'll tell you where it is,” came Krishna's terse instruction in response to my protests.

Remedia wasn't happy about the van ride. She gets motion sickness locked in a van with a dozen other people. However, a couple of pedicab drivers carried our bags to the van office for us, and we barely had time to buy snacks before it left.

It was past mid-afternoon when the van dropped us at a small, roofed, wooden platform beside the street in the quiet little town of Sankraburi. Krishna was at the hospital with his wife, but he said on the phone that he'd pick us up in half an hour.

That just gave Remedia time to scurry around and find some of the barbecued chicken and fish balls skewered on bamboo sticks that are sold in nearly every Thai open air market. We hadn't eaten anything but a bag of chips all day.

A car stopped across the street as we were finishing our hasty meal.

A fairly young, small, slender Thai man dressed in a white shirt and white trousers got out and walked towards us.

His powerful aura of clear, clean energy and joyful happiness were the first things I noticed about him.

He greeted us warmly, helped Remedia with our bags and shrugged off our questions about his sick wife.

When we were in the car with the air con going, I asked where we were headed.

“I'll take you home first. It's about twenty minutes. Then I have to pick up my children at school,” he said.

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“How many children do you have?” I asked, making polite conversation.

“Twenty-three.”

“You've got twenty-three kids!!?”

“Yes. They're orphans from all over Thailand.”

I was tired, grouchy and hurting. I couldn't stop my mouth.

“We both hate kids, and this time we landed in an orphanage with twenty--three kids.”

He took it well, with a little smile, and we rode in silence for a ways.

Ban Thor Phan is way out in the country in silent isolation. Krishna's simple, open air home sits directly on the bank of a large fish pond about seventy meters long.

Many small bungalows hide among trees and flowering shrubs.

He led us to the most substantial of these--a two story, orange brick place with balconies, a tiled patio and a wandering fish pond.

I balked when I saw that I would have to cross the pond on large, tiled stepping stones.

A motorcycle accident twenty--three years earlier had taken my right arm, paralyzed most of my left arm and left my lower body without much sensation.

Over the past ten years, my ability to walk had become so poor that I could barely hobble across the Krishna's smooth yard. We had left my wheelchair in Bangkok.

“Isn't there anything else?” I implored.

“Nothing with a toilet inside. Come. You can do it,” Krishna urged me.

I peered around the bushes looking for another way.

“It's the only way,” he said.

“Come. I help you.” Remedia grabbed my arm and steadied me. We reached the patio on the other side of the waer safely.

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Krishna ushered us toward a wide staircase.

“It's upstairs,” I complained, looking at the downstairs room.

“The only room with toilet is upstairs. The other toilet is back across the fishpond,” Krishna explained patiently.

Remedia took my arm again, and I hobbled up the stairs one at a time.

October 31, 2006

We received our first Deeksha sessions from Krishna Kantha and one of his students yesterday.

Deeksha is very different from all the other energies we have experienced.

We've both been Reiki teachers for many years and practice Chi Gong and Tibetan Buddhism daily. These Deeksha vibrations are extremely fine and operate on much more subtle levels than our energy practices.

Remedia said the energy feels like nothing.

I agree. Clear nothing. Feeling this energy is like almost being able to see something that's invisible. You know it's there, but can't quite make it out.

Remedia got a lot more out of the morning session than I did. She experienced some release of old negative energies she had been hanging on to. She was already able to see Sri Bhagavan in her mind afterward.

All I got was a very deep relaxation that left my body sleeping and snoring while my mind was fully awake, enjoying the sound of the crystal bowls that Krishna plays so beautifully.

The vibrations of the bowls reverberated throughout my entire being.

The rest of the day we were quiet.

Colors were a little brighter and objects were a little sharper around the edges. I felt a little energy moving around some blocks in my legs, but nothing much.

I was disappointed.

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After all the build up that God had led me through to get me here, Deeksha wasn't much.

It was certainly nothing like Luang Paw Kai's earth shattering Golden Fire empowerments that had left me sleepless for days and able to see deeply into the crystalline energy structure of every object I looked at while my mind explored the mysteries of the universe.

Before lunch, Krishna showed us a video of interviews with other people who had experienced Deeksha. Several of them mentioned that they hadn't gotten much from their first session either, but had enjoyed a much more profound experience from the second one later in the day.

I asked Krishna about it.

"It depends on your karma. One young man from Los Angeles came to India, went through the twenty-one day process and felt nothing. He said that he'd had Deeksha a hundred times and gotten nothing. It just depends on when the energy is able to work its way through the blocks to you. You'll get much more tonight," he promised me.

“What are the blocks?” I asked.

“Defilements that veil your mind.”

That evening Krishna had us each hold a bottle of water in our hands while we impregnated it with any wish we wanted.

He then poured the water into two of his crystal bowls.

We lay down in the death pose again while he sang the chants with his wonderful voice and played the bowls.

It took some time for the vibrations to clear the usual chatter from my mind. When they started to work through it, my first thoughts to arise were shockingly negative.

"Smash Krishna's bowls," my mind screamed.

I immediately suppressed the evil thought.

Then my mind said, "Don't force it down. Let it run. See where it goes."

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It came right back, "Smash Krishna's bowls. Trash Bhagavan's picture. Spit on his silver slippers."

I experienced the thoughts and the accompanying emotions of violence fully, then sent it all out of my body to the universe, far, far away. The only sensations left in me were the vibrations of the crystal bowls.

Then pain arose in my abdomen.

I looked with my mind's eye and saw some dark, black energy releasing. When it was gone, whitish gold began filling my body. It slowly turned dark gold until I was gold. Then it disappeared, leaving only my mind and the vibrations filling it.

Slowly a small golden ball appeared in the center of my brain. It was nebulous and faint at first, but it grew stronger until concentric rings of golden energy pulsed steadily out of it through my whole mind.

The vibrations changed.

I opened my eyes slightly to see Krishna holding a crystal bowl over my body while he played it.

When he moved to the top of my head, I could feel the vibrations entering my crown chakra and clearing my mind until only Emptiness remained.

He did the same to Remedia, and then he asked us to sit up to receive Deeksha.

This time the energy filled me like an empty vessel. I consciously sucked in as much as I could over and over, trying to fill every space in all my bodies with this power that felt like nothing.

After receiving Deeksha, Krishna asked us to relate our experiences. Remedia said that she had released a lot of what felt like anesthetic that had remained stuck in her throat after her hysterectomy nearly seven months before.

"I saw Bhagavan, and then I saw Amma walking towards me, but when I opened my eyes it was Ranchita coming to give me Deeksha," she continued.

When Krishna heard her speak these words, he joyfully clapped his hands together in an attitude of prayer, bowed toward AmmaBhagavan's picture and thanked them both profusely for coming.

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"Well, I didn't get to see AmmaBhagavan. I'm jealous. You got more than me," I said and everyone laughed happily.

Krishna looked at me seriously.

"You wished for your spinal cord to be healed," he stated.

I started to ask him how he could possibly know my secret, untold wish, but I quickly realized what a stupid question it would be.

"Was my wish granted?" I asked instead.

"It exists," came his curious, nebulous answer.

Remedia told him about the elbow that I had broken June first taking so long to heal.

He reached over and wrapped both hands around it. His hands got very hot very quickly. They felt hot enough to burn my skin through my denim shirt. Then they cooled off just as quickly.

I was quite surprised and pleased. A Reiki cycle like that would have taken ten minutes or more and would not have reached near the intensity.

I then related my own experience. When I came to the part about the golden ball in the center of my brain, Krishna clapped his hands together again.

"That's Bhagavan!" he exclaimed.

Overcome with joy for me, his perpetual grin got even bigger and he thanked Bhagavan again.

A little puzzled by the strength of his reaction, I asked, "Don't all your students receive what we did?"

He hesitated a little. "Wellll. Yes."

"Then there's nothing special about me. I'm just normal like everyone else."

"You're very special or you wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't be teaching you."

"I'm certainly feeling very special and especially blessed tonight," I replied.

Everyone laughed and agreed.

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When we all got up to go, a last question entered my mind. Energy givers often receive messages about their students.

"Did you get any messages or any information about either one of us during the session?" I asked.

Once again he hesitated a little before saying, "Yes."

"Well can you tell me what it was?"

"No."

"It was that bad?" I asked. I was amazed and taken aback. Every energy worker I had been with in the past had been eager to tell what they had seen.

"Let me be clear about this," I continued. "You DID receive a message, or information about us, but you're NOT willing to share it at this time?"

"You're not paying me money to do this. I'm not completely certain about what I saw. If I told you now it might influence the rest of the teachings."

I saw clearly that he would divulge no more and that to continue asking would only harm our relationship.

"All right," I said.

"It is my wish that you both have a very good night's sleep," Krishna said.

"I never sleep after something like this. I'm always awake with the energy all night," I blurted out.

He simply smiled like he knew something I didn't.

I slept very well.

November 2, 2006

Yesterday, the first day after receiving Deeksha, was terrible. I felt like my head was stuffed with cotton wool. I was nauseous. If I spoke I got a sharp pain in my head. I got a nasty headache while writing.

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Krishna had told us not to talk, to try thinking as little as possible and to walk quietly around the beautiful flower gardens.

The front of my brain, or mind, felt like it had been cleared of all thought.

All the usual chatter and chaotic, disorganized ideas flying around in it were much reduced, like they'd been driven down to the floor of my mind, leaving the higher space empty.

The stories I always tell myself about the past and future had become much easier to disengage from, allowing my mind to simply be still in the present.

However the process wasn't complete. Stray thoughts still arose suddenly, often leading into stories. This kept occurring, no matter how much I tried to simply relax and be in the empty space.

The areas around the back, sides and center of my brain still felt dark, like Deeksha hadn't penetrated there yet.

November 3, 2006

I felt like I needed another session to clear the remainder of my mind and bring the nebulous, difficult to find, golden ball into sharper focus. What I had seemed so fragile that I was afraid that I was going to lose it as time passed and my monkey mind reasserted itself.

Ranchita, Krishna's other student, came to our room and very politely suggested that we would be much more comfortable staying in a hotel. She met each of my protests with another polite reason stating why we wanted to go.

We didn't want to go, but we were being given the polite heave ho.

Remedia was very angry about it and said we were going back to Bangkok. Forget about these rude people who had gotten us here and were now kicking us out. She wasn't about to stick around any longer. She started packing.

Before she'd gotten far, I heard Krishna singing outside. When I looked, he was sweeping his yard. He kept sweeping and singing the whole time Remedia packed.

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“Let's just go find a bungalow in town somewhere. I really want the rest of these empowerments,” I ventured.

“Hmmph. I want go Bangkok. These people get us here. Now want us go. We go far.”

“Let's talk to Krishna.”

She agreed reluctantly and carried a bag down with her.

We all sat on a bench under a tree near the car.

“I'm very sorry we've been a burden on your family,” I apologized.

Krishna's shoulders slumped as all the tension went out of him.

Apologies can smooth over almost any situation in Asia. Mine showed that I wasn't blaming him for anything and wanted to work out our differences.

“The food is the only problem,” he said. His family had been delivering three beautiful meals to our room daily, and his wife was just out of hospital.

“Are you sure? Sometimes my energy is very strong and offends people.”

“No. You're over there, and my house is far away. It's only the food problem.”

“What if we go to the market and get some food? Remedia doesn't cook much, but we could get some cans.”

“Alright. When we take the kids to school mornings maybe we can buy some cooked food for you.”

“What you think Rem?”

She muttered something unintelligible.

“I'll leave you alone.” Krishna continued sweeping and singing.

Remedia wouldn't agree to stay.

I went over to Krishna.

“We're split. She doesn't want to stay,” I told him.

He walked over and sat beside her on the bench.

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“You should stay and get this energy,” he said.

She abruptly changed her mind, flashed her beautiful smile, and agreed.

I wanted to ask Krishna for another Deeksha treatment, but I was reluctant. I felt like he had already given us so much, and I knew he was very busy taking care of his orphanage, building his new retreat center and teaching other students.

Late in the morning, I was sitting in a catatonic state on the swing in the open air front room of his home while he checked his e-mail.

"Richard! I have an e-mail from my teacher in India about you!" he exclaimed in a tone of surprised amazement.

I turned my head carefully and, with pains shooting through my brain, managed to ask slowly, "What does it say?"

"It just asks how the both of you are doing and says to take good care of you. Can you imagine the immense Love that Bhagavan has for you that he would tell one of his teachers to e-mail and ask about you?"

"Is this normal for two students who just completed the first beginning step?" I asked, thinking about the hundreds of students all over the world who must be learning at the same time as us.

"No. It's not normal."

I reflected that nothing about my life had been normal since last March when an immense ball of white light had come crashing uninvited into my awareness in Pai, Northern Thailand.

I had suddenly found myself out of my body!

It was clearly visible below me. It was still sitting on the bungalow's wooden porch with my feet propped up on the railing. Ron Roth's book about the healing power of prayer was open in my lap. Everything was just as it had been moments before.

Except that I was no longer in my body!

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I was somewhere above it looking down.

Looking around myself, I discovered that I was in Emptiness.

I felt a little better. This place was familiar from my Chi Gong energy work.

Moving deeper into Emptiness, I soon saw a small white light up ahead that quickly grew brighter until it became a large ball just floating there.

The white ball pulsed steadily, and the surface of it shimmered with waves of light energy that looked like waves on the vast Pacific Ocean. The ball was immense.

Suddenly an intense beam of white light shot out of the depths of the ball straight down to my body. I clearly saw it strike the top of my head!

Instantly I was back in my body!

The muscles in my necks went into violent spasms as white light filled my head and moved down to flood my body. My back arched and my legs began twitching and jerking.

It ended as suddenly as it had started.

My body relaxed.

Then the white light hit me again!

I went into spasms again.

Then I was allowed another rest before the light hit me the third and final time.

I looked around at the warm morning sunlight coming through the bamboo grove in front of me.

The dusty yard was quiet, the fish pond still. Nobody was around. The book was still open to page twenty-seven where Roth describes God as being divine white light.

I became aware that something was stuck on the top of my head.

It was a thick column, or cord, of white light that felt like it covered the whole top of my head and rose up into the universe.

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I followed it with my mind until I saw that it was connected to the ball of white light that floats in Emptiness.

As soon as my mind saw the ball, my body was flooded with white light again, but not as powerfully as before.

I had wondered then what this amazing phenomenon was and if it was going to be a permanent part of me.

The huge ball was still there, and I still didn't know what it was, even though I had found white light very useful for healing and many other purposes.

However, it hadn't helped when, on last April fifth, Remedia had lost her uterus in the worst defeat that our healing powers had ever suffered.

Remedia was born in the Central Philippines into the clan of healers in the Wari-Wari tribe, an indigenous group of about three million.

Her Grandma Pombai, the clan's leading Shaman, had observed that all the signs of a great healer were present at Remedia's birth. Grandma Pombai had conferred all her own powers and helpful spirits on the infant and christened her Remedia, which means Remedy in English.

We still didn't understand why a powerful, lifelong energy worker like Remedia had been unable to heal herself of a cantaloupe sized tumor on her uterus when she had helped so many others heal themselves.

Remedia was still in constant pain from the surgery and suffering from self doubt because of her inability to heal herself.

On June first, I had broken my elbow so badly that I would never be able to crank my pipe organ again. I had lost my busking (street performing) career and income.

To pay our bills, we had sold our beautiful beach front property on lovely little San Antonio, a tropical island in the Philippines. The money was nearly finished.

My daughter had divorced her Thai husband and was no longer speaking to me. Both she and my son had left Thailand, where they had grown up, to go work in America.

And then there were the totally bizarre series of events that had led us here to Krishna.

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Nothing in our lives was normal.

Krishna kindly invited me to lunch and placed a beautiful papaya in front of me, but I could only sit stupefied and look at it with no appetite at all while the others enjoyed their fried rice.

Krishna tried his best to engage me in polite conversation.

I couldn't reply in anything but monosyllables. I tried to explain a little about the painful energy battle raging in my mind.

"That's good. It tells me that the energy's working," he said.

That was hardly the reply I had wanted. I wanted more Deeksha.

Remedia finished doing our laundry, and we returned to Global House. She went downstairs to the meditation room while I went up to lie down.

When she came up, we ate lunch. Just as we were finishing, about two-thirty in the afternoon, we both felt an immense wave of Deeksha energy coming into the tops of our heads.

She looked at me excitedly. "Do you feel that?"

I nodded. "Shhhh!"

The energy increased in intensity, filling my whole being until the muscles in the back of my neck began convulsing in spasms.

After about ninety seconds it passed. It had certainly equaled or surpassed what Krishna had given us two days before.

"Where did that come from?" I asked.

"From Bhagavan. I see him downstairs. Ask him send us Deeksha," Remedia replied.

Her connection to Bhagavan had been much stronger than mine from the beginning.

I told her the story about the e-mail Krishna had received from India.

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"First he sent Krishna an e-mail asking about us, and then he sent this big shot of energy. I wonder what's going on. Why is he taking such a personal interest in us?" I asked.

I started wondering exactly what Krishna had seen about us but had refused to share during Monday's session. Maybe it hadn't been bad at all. Maybe it had been something incredibly good. He had said he wasn't completely sure about it and didn't want to affect the rest of the teachings by telling us too soon.

After a little more discussion, I went to lie down again.

This time my mind was totally clear and filled with Deeksha. All the darkness was gone. The golden ball was easy to find.

As I lay there, the Deeksha started making its way down my spine, clearing and energizing the entire column.

Then it started down my face through the energy channel that runs down the front of our bodies. I automatically pressed the tip of my tongue to the three ridges on my palate behind my front teeth to make a bridge for it.

It continued flowing down, spreading a warm, light sensation down the front of my body until, on my perineum between my legs where the base chakra is, it met and joined the energy flowing down my spine.

I lay there with my perineum pulsing and tingling, the two rivers of energy flowing down my front and back, and the golden ball in the center of my mind sending out concentric waves of golden energy.

The monkey mind with all its chaotic thoughts and stories was completely gone. I was able to simply rest in the present in a state of observation.

November 4, 2006

Yesterday I wrote until I had a massive headache. Writing was too much mental activity.

I slept very little. The war was back in my head.

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The stories we always tell ourselves about the past and future were there again. I could only find and hold the empty space for a few seconds before the stories crowded it out.

The battle raged all last night and this morning.

I kept very quiet, constantly bringing my mind back to the empty space, trying to hold it. The golden ball was gone completely. I was scared it would never come back.

After lunch I laid down, exhausted.

After sleeping a short while, I awoke feeling better.

I could hold the empty space again!

I lay with my eyes closed holding it for a long, long time.

No mental stories.

Big relief.

I cautiously opened my eyes, remaining completely still. A few thoughts fluttered, but I still had Emptiness.

It occurred to me to try and find the golden ball.

It was there!

I was cautiously happy.

After holding my focus on the golden ball for a long while, I had to go to the toilet. I was able to remain focused on the ball throughout the activity.

I went outside and sat on the porch. A few story lines arose, but I was easily able to bring the golden ball back each time they came.

As I sat focusing on it, my mind started seeing inside the golden ball.

It was in the exact center of my brain, and deep inside the center of it, frantic activity was taking place!

Millions of little golden sparks were arcing around.

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As I watched them and went deeper into their activity, I realized that they were rewiring and rebuilding my brain cells from the inside out!

Old ways of thinking, thought patterns and pathways were being erased and new ones were being constructed.

The next thought hit me like a truck.

I WAS GETTING A WHOLE NEW BRAIN!!!

It wasn't just a rewire job.

It was a whole new brain!

I could clearly see waves of golden energy spreading out in concentric circles from the golden ball to flood my whole brain with the same frantic activity taking place inside the ball.

The golden sparks were using the material present in the old cells to make new ones, then charging the new cells with fresh vital energy.

No wonder I got a massive throbbing headache whenever I attempted any mental activity!

November 5, 2006

All last night I experienced intense sexual dreams that were so realistic that I awoke aroused and feeling like I had actually been engaged in sex.

Remedia says it's all the porn I've watched clearing out.

Some of the dreams were definitely pornographic, but once I woke up amazed and struggling to understand why she was still fully clothed and sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed when we had just been making love seconds before.

At two in the morning, I got up to meditate.

The frantic activity of the golden sparks had progressed out towards my brain’s edges. The center was all new cells filled with golden energy with fresh red blood pulsing around.

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The few remaining old cells around the edges appeared dull and gray by comparison. As I watched, they too succumbed to the irresistible advance of the golden sparks.

I thought everything was finished, but the sparks started down my spinal cord. When they reached heart level, at the spot between T5 and T6 that had been damaged so badly in my motorcycle accident twenty--three years before, they paused and their activity increased greatly.

I felt a lot of pressure in my chest.

Breathing became difficult.

My heart felt constricted.

Waves of sensations, some pleasant and some unpleasant, swept through my body.

A couple of minutes later, these feelings subsided and the golden sparks continued on down until they reached a vertebrae I had broken into three pieces in a logging accident thirty years ago.

After a brief pause, they continued on to the sacrum where they reached another major block.

Once again activity increased greatly.

With it came pain, a feeling of pressure and great discomfort in my entire sacrum.

Spasms began in the muscles in my legs. Both legs twitched and jerked violently.

This time the symptoms lasted much longer as the sparks moved very slowly down through the huge blocks in my sacrum.

When everything finally subsided, the golden sparks were gone.

I was left hoping that all my nerve damage really was healed, but I had no way to really know yet. I would simply have to wait for concrete, measurable improvements in my body.

Remedia's healing experience was very different.

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She said the energy appeared colorless and looked like nothing. It worked mostly in her heart and lower abdomen.

Today she's able to straighten her legs completely without pain when laying down. She can easily pick up and carry a heavy basket of wet laundry without discomfort.

The combination of the right herbs, lots of rest and Deeksha has worked a great healing for her.

November 6, 2006

Today has been absolutely, incredibly mind blowing.

We began our three day process. The lesson focused on discovering our life mission --the reason we were born into this world.

I began the lesson by spewing out all my frustrations over the difficulties we had getting here and all the problems we have encountered in the last ten days.

I've had a very difficult time with Krishna's teaching methods. I'm used to Western lectures, books and intellectual thinking.

Krishna simply gives us Deeksha empowerments, imposes a rule of silence and tells us to meditate or walk in his lovely gardens.

Realizations, or knowings, then appear to us out of nowhere in sudden, brilliant flashes of inspiration.

Krishna took my criticism and apologized. Then he told me he was right and was not about to change. I feel a lot better and can put it all behind now.

The lesson itself was very simple.

We listened to a CD that opened our chakras while we chanted the mantras along with it.

Then we laid down and listened to music that vibrated each chakra.

Krishna asked us to sit up and gave us Deeksha after warning us that it would be very intense today.

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The energy coming from his fingers was very cold, like ice water, and once again felt like nothing. But a very clear, intense nothing. It was also the subtlest, finest energy I have yet experienced.

I had a realization while receiving it.

Afterwards I said, "It was you who sent us Deeksha last Wednesday, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

He asked us to rest and sleep until one o'clock to allow the Deeksha to work.

At one he showed us the movie "Whale Rider" to inspire us to remember our childhood and recall our life purpose. Afterwards he asked us to go be quiet the rest of the afternoon and just remember.

I put up some resistance as I felt I already knew that Remedia was born a healer and I a spiritual teacher. In other words I felt that the entire exercise was a waste of time because we knew already.

He quietly said that there might be more and hinted that I might become a more powerful energy worker than he.

I seriously doubted that, but said nothing. He also said I could read one of the three books he had loaned me earlier that day.

We thanked him for the lesson and went upstairs where I had fruit and water while Remedia had crackers and a sweet drink.

After our silent snack, I felt drawn to the small pile of CDs and books beside my computer. My hand fell on “Evenings.. With Sri Bhagavan” and I took it downstairs into the garden to read.

In the introductory pages I read that people were questioning why a great movement like AmmaBhagavan's Oneness Movement that has millions followers all over the world has no accompanying body of literature.

It was then that realization struck like a thunderbolt.

I suddenly knew that I was born to be a Oneness Movement writer. I will be a nobody who lives in the shadows and quiet corners with no public exposure, recognition or persona.

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Just the way I like life.

I'm very weary of being a public figure playing music for tens of thousands of people passing by on the street and being recognized constantly in shops and restaurants.

Sri Bhagavan will give me all of his teachings from the very beginning to the highest levels of consciousness so that I can understand them through living and experiencing them. It will be my job to write about them in very clear, precise, simple language that everyone can easily understand.

Writing those words made me feel like, "Who do I think I am pretending to such delusions of grandness?"

It is what the realization told me.

When Krishna came out of the classroom, I shared my insight with him and asked for confirmation.

"You are right."

"You knew it all along, didn't you?"

"Yes. Sri Bhagavan will be so pleased to hear the news. He will support you."

I could hardly believe my ears.

I had been frantic with worry the past few months, and now, suddenly, my whole future life was laid out before me in a few moments.

Deeksha was quite warm that evening.

It felt like Krishna split the top of my skull open down the middle and was blowing energy directly onto my exposed brain. A great warm wave ran down the inside front of my body, so intense that I was almost unable to accept it.

November 7, 2006

I slept very little.

I got up as usual at one in the morning, and the energy working inside me wouldn't allow me to find sleep again.

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At three a new series of greater revelations came.

They humbled me so much that I cried huge tears that wet the pillow.

I couldn't stay in the bed. I had to get up and write them down. They are unbelievable. I can't see how they can possibly be true, but they are what I saw.

Writing for the Oneness Movement is only part of my work.

Sri Bhagavan is going to give me everything he has with special emphasis on healing and teaching powers.

I will receive it not by working for it but by grace. It will happen very quickly.

I will be able to heal others and illuminate their minds by looking at them, or simply by being in their presence.

This is already starting to happen with the white light that came to me in Pai.

Remedia and I will minister to people of all religions and cultures. We will teach each person within the framework of his/her own cultural and belief system.

We will do this because we are asking their minds to make an almost impossibly huge leap of faith to accept our teachings. If we ask them to surrender their culture and religion, it will be too much, and we will be unable to help them.

Because we have been blessed by God with superior knowledge and abilities that we ourselves did not work for, it is for us to surrender our culture and religion to help them.

We will minister to Muslims as Muslims, to Christians as Christians and to Buddhists as Buddhists.

I will live a long life, more than a hundred years.

At the end I will not die. My physical body will be transformed into pure energy through my meditation practice in divine white light.

I must go see Ithaca in Pai again. He can help me erase the fundamental imprinting I received in the womb and just after birth.

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November 8, 2006

For the last two days we have been working to open our chakras and raise the golden Kundalini energy that is coiled in the sacrum at the base of the spine.

I've been very frustrated.

The first day Krishna played a nice CD with beautiful music and a good guided meditation. However, beyond saying that we were going to open our chakras, he explained nothing about what chakras are, where they are or how we were going to proceed.

He did give us a good little booklet that showed this information, and gave the proper symbol to place in each chakra, but when we tried to read it he told us to put it away for later.

The tiny, built in speakers on his computer weren't loud enough for me to hear and, with no explanatory lecture before playing the CD, I was completely lost even though I know well from our Reiki work the seven energy vortexes that line our spine and skull.

The next day I still couldn't hear the CD and was attacked midway through by an army of thousands of biting ants that crawled under my clothes. I wasn't able to find and remove all of them until after the session.

With two lost days and only one to go, I was starting to get a little anxious.

I had been reading and hearing about the benefits of Kundalini energy for many years. I really didn't want to miss my chance to experience it.

Yesterday afternoon, I took the little booklet downstairs and started practicing the mantras and visualizations while placing the magical symbols in my chakras.

Remedia came out on the balcony above me and said to shut up, that I sounded terrible.

I know I sound so horrible that people run away when I sing, but I really wanted this, so I persisted.

She went back in and closed all the doors.

After a couple of hours I had energy moving in all my chakras, some warm tingling in my sacrum and a few flashes up my spine.

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This morning I waited until Krishna took his kids to school before starting again. No use torturing everybody.

Remedia, who was still in bed, complained bitterly, got up long enough to slam the balcony doors shut on me and went back to bed with a pillow and blanket over her head.

This time I got so much energy moving that I had to stop and digest it in between each chakra. I started to understand why some people wind up in insane asylums trying to open the Kundalini.

This world faded out several times as the powerful energies began moving and overwhelmed my conscious mind. It required some mental effort to get back to physical reality.

I wondered briefly if anyone would know what to do with me if they found me sitting there tranced out.

At nine-thirty we began our last Kundalini session. Krishna seemed to have sensed my earlier difficulties and changed the routine.

He put on a nice CD of meditation music and asked us to simply relax in a meditative posture, close our eyes and feel the energy.

After a few minutes, I settled into it and began seeing and feeling an immense buildup of cool, Mother Earth energy beneath me. It was cone shaped with the tip entering my base chakra.

I felt like I was riding the energy instead of sitting perched on the edge of my chair.

The energy started moving up into my body, building up in the sacrum before moving on up. The intensity of it pushed me to my limit to absorb it.

I realized that I wasn't doing this --somebody else's mind was messing around in my energy system!

I sneaked a peek at Krishna.

His head was tilted far back. He exuded intense concentration.

I understood that he was putting forth great effort to build this power under and in our bodies for us.

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I quickly closed my eyes and went back into myself, doing everything I could to accept the power and make this easier for him. Towards the end I could see a shaft of golden light coming out of the top of my head.

When he finished, he gave us Deeksha before playing the chakra meditation CD for the third and final time.

After my practice, I was easily able to follow along, and, with Krishna's energy build up, the meditation went quickly and smoothly.

All my chakras opened and activated.

The base and crown became huge openings, blasted clear by the immense stream of energy pouring through.

Cool, dark Mother Earth energy was being sucked up into my perineum by the intense activity of the chakras.

The base chakra changed the energy into fluid golden light that the rest of the chakras propelled up my spine and out the top of my head in a fountain that cascaded down over me, filling my aura and forming a golden second skin that covered my whole body like a sheath.

My perineum was pulsing and tingling, my sacrum was pounding, hot flashes were shooting up my spine, the back of my head was so hot that the backs of my ears felt barbecued, and there was a huge hole in the top of my head.

We laid down in the death pose while Krishna played beautiful, relaxing music that slowly cooled us down.

Midway through it I could no longer lay there.

I had sit up.

I thought about how really, really good I felt. Completely, totally NORMAL. Super energized but normal. Like this was the normal way human beings are supposed to feel.

I started crying.

My face crumpled up, big tears ran down my cheeks soaking into my beard, and I sobbed.

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I felt Remedia touch my arm with questioning concern.

I gently motioned her away, back to her own meditation, and continued crying.

I was so grateful.

Gratitude filled my heart, my entire being.

When I recovered enough to speak, I could only say over and over again, "Thank you Bhagavan. Thank you Bhagavan. Thank you Bhagavan."

There was none of the usual discussion.

Krishna simply told us to be ready to go to the river at three-thirty in the afternoon for our final Deeksha session. It had to be done outdoors in communion with nature.

"You didn't get it, did you?" I asked Remedia.

"Get what?"

"The energy. The Kundalini." How could she be so dense? The top of my head had a huge hole in it, and she only looked a little preoccupied.

"I got."

"So what happened? Tell me about it," I demanded, expecting her to relate an energy experience like my own.

"I go place my dead mother. I talk her."

"I see. Well, tell me about it. Where is she?" I spoke very quietly and softly.

This had been a huge issue with her for a long time. I felt that sadness and anger over this was at the root of losing her uterus and our complete failure to effect a healing.

"She still here. In this world," Remedia shared.

"She's still here? She hasn't moved on yet? What's she doing hanging around?"

"Her kids. She worry about her kids."

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"Yeah. She loved all you guys too much. And you all have big problems. Jimmy's drunk. Rowena's drunk. Fred's wild. Maqita's got mental problems. And you ran away. What about your father, Hinaroso? Where's he?"

"He there."

"With Mama Julia? He don't wanna leave her, huh?"

"Yeah."

"So you guys talk? You get everything cleared up?"

"No. We talk but not finish."

"Oh. So you gotta work on it some more, huh?"

"Yeah. Hinaroso no understand why I no help him when he sick. Why I no give him food. Why I only give ten pesos."

I felt a twinge of guilt. We had been nearly broke, and I had been in a hurry to get back to Singapore and work the last time she had seen her father alive.

"So you talk about it? Is he OK with it?" I asked.

"Yeah. I explain him."

"What about Julia?"

"She really sad I run away when I little. I tell her it because everybody really poor. I have a lot ambition. They no can help me."

"So do they understand now? Is everything finished?"

"No. Not finished. But they start get closer now," she said.

"Oh. You got contact. You couldn't talk to them before?"

"Yeah. Could. But Nai Perriyoung send them away same time she help you send away you father and brother. Remember?"

I was a little disappointed. I had been hoping for closure on this problem, but all we had was contact.

"But now it's better, huh? What else you see?"

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"Better now. But every time I talking with them you always call me go do something. So I just forget about that."

I was surprised. I hadn't even known she was talking to them. "I'm sorry. I'll spend more time with the computer. Give you some time for yourself."

"Gabriel still there too."

"Gabriel? I thought we sent him to heaven the other night with Krishna."

"Yeah. He have place now. But he still come and talk. He go back and forth. I see Luang Paw Kai too. All people in Bang Saphan too. They all thinking about us. Wonder why we no come for long time."

"Well, we'll see them in a couple days." We were planning to go to the beach for a break after today.

"Are you waiting for us?" I asked Krishna when we went outside later. It was only three-twenty, but he was already standing under a tree next to his pickup.

"Yes," he replied.

We got in and set off.

It turned out to be an enjoyable forty-five minute drive. We had a lively conversation. I asked what the purpose of the last Deeksha was since we had already achieved all his stated objectives for our three day process.

"Wait for the realization. Then you will know."

“Aaaahhh Krishna,” I said silently in my mind. “I guess if I wanted to wait for the realization, I wouldn't have asked.”

I absolutely hate working blind without knowing what I'm doing. I figured that he was trying to teach me to rely on and trust the messages we all receive regularly but usually disregard.

The river was great. Cool, greenish water from the mountains chuckled around rocks and gurgled loudly over small rapids. A couple of kids were shooting over them in inner tubes while workmen were busy along the narrow strip of rocky

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beach between jungle and river. They were building little roofed platforms out over the water for picnickers to sit on in the coming tourist season.

Krishna looked a little upset at all the activity, but we made our way upriver past it to a little quieter spot.

I settled down on a rock about fifteen feet from the nearest worker who was attaching bamboo rafters to a roof with ties made of split bamboo. For some reason the activity didn't bother me at all. I was used to Asians staring at my disability and long white whiskers.

The gentle roar of the river drowned all noise.

Remedia perched on a nearby rock, dangling her feet in the cool water.

Krishna gave us our instructions for the coming exercise. "Focus on seeing AmmaBhagavan. Ask them for anything you want. Any wish."

"Only one thing or as many as we want?" I asked.

"Many as you want."

He waded off up the river to a more peaceful spot before settling on his own rock.

I focused on seeing AmmaBhagavan in front of me. Just the day before I had complained to Krishna that I had a very poor connection to Bhagavan and none to Amma, while Remedia was easily able to connect to both.

She was born working with energy and enjoyed the benefit of a clean mind uncluttered by schooling.

I have the disability of sixteen years of Western education and a couple of libraries cluttering up my brain.

I started wishing away, and pretty soon Bhagavan appeared in front of me over the river. Amma was there too but not as clearly. I ran out of wishes for myself and started wishing for family and friends. After a long while, Krishna came back down the river.

"Richard, move over to the river, and put your feet in the water."

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Remedia moved me to her rock, and she went to sit on the nearest little platform and dangle her feet in the water. Later she told me she could feel Krishna's power rocking the platform that stood firmly on solid rock.

Krishna faced upriver and started again.

All the heaty energy stuck in my head and upper body began clearing away. It flowed down and out of my feet, carried away by the cool fresh water racing by.

As my head cleared, so did my vision of AmmaBhagavan.

My wishes also got more specific. What I really wanted more than anything was to go to India, learn Bhagavan's teachings and write for him.

Conversation was even livelier on the way home with elements of happiness, relief and satisfaction at being finished.

"Do you remember after the first level when I asked you if you had received any information about Remedia and I? You said you had but weren't ready to share it with us yet. Are you ready now?"

"Do you really want to know?"

I thought about it quickly. My old fear that it might be something really bad returned.

"Yes. I really want to know."

I could see him thinking about his answer very carefully before replying.

"You should ask Bhagavan when you see him," came one of Krishna's usual cryptic answers.

My mind raced to discern his implications. I wasn't going to let him get away with such a nebulous reply. I tried for more certainty and a little more information.

"Are you saying that I will see Bhagavan, and I will have a conversation with him?"

"Yes."

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I was silent. That one word told me that we would go to India, we would complete the twenty-one day process and we would be singled out for advanced learning. It was more than enough confirmation of my own vision for now. The rest could wait.

Thank you Bhagavan.

November 9, 2006

Last night I woke up as usual in the very early hours after midnight.

There was a sensation of heat and pressure in my left shoulder and arm. When I looked the golden sparks were back. They moved down to my still painful elbow and stopped, working there.

I also had a very clear picture of Bhagavan in front of me with Amma beside him but less distinct. I could see the healing energy coming from them to my shoulder.

I tried moving the golden sparks around in my arm.

They obeyed my mind!

I tried increasing their intensity.

They got brighter!

Remedia woke up with a lot of pain in her lower abdomen. She had strained her still tender surgical wounds helping me walk over the rocks at the river.

I tried sending the healing power from AmmaBhagavan to her abdomen. After a few minutes I asked if she had gotten it.

She had!

However, she still had some pain. She said it was running from her hip to her navel.

This time I followed the energy inside her with my mind.

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I could clearly see the golden sparks lining the still healing incisions left by the surgeon's scalpel. I increased their intensity and, a few minutes later, heard her begin snoring softly.

I had asked Bhagavan for the ability to send healing energy to others using my eyes because my disability makes it extremely difficult to use my hands.

He had given me even more than I had asked for. I could guide his healing powers using only my mind.

This afternoon I walked in the gardens to ground some energy.

I began sensing Bhagavan's presence growing stronger and closer directly in front of me. The energy flowing from him to me increased so much that I had to sit on a nearby bench.

It kept increasing until I had the thoughts, "Bhagavan is me. I am Bhagavan. Bhagavan is in me. Bhagavan and I are one!

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Chapter Two

Kwan Yin's Prediction

Om sat chit ananda parabraham

Purushothama paramatma

Sri Bagavati sameta

Sri Bagavate namaha

Moola Mantra

November 11, 2006

Ban Saphan Yai

Prachuap Kiri Kan Province

Thailand

Remedia came out of our seaside bungalow laughing and smiling like her old self this morning.

She was totally unable to suppress the happy giggles bubbling up as she ran around and renewed acquaintances with all the people and dogs she could find (Milo the Doberman is dead from snakebite). Then she enjoyed a nice walk on the beach that's right in front of our room.

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She's so incredibly happy. We're in her absolute favorite spot on earth. She has good friends here, and Luang Paw Kai, the old Thai abbot who is her most beloved spiritual teacher, is in the next town down the road.

Seeing her blossom with joy makes me feel very happy for her and guilty for not coming for so long.

Last time we were here, I had a big problem with my children. I haven't wanted to come back to the scene of my unhappiness, but now I find that I'm also glad to be relaxing for the first time in many months.

I can sit here and write looking out over the white sand beach into the Gulf of Thailand. Fishing boats are out there, and, farther out, big freighters pass by on the horizon.

The Northeast trade wind just began blowing a few days ago, so we have a cool, steady breeze coming in off the ocean. It's like natural air conditioning, but supercharged with ions from the breaking waves.

We slept incredibly well last night.

Seeing Remedia's happiness here, and hearing her bubbly laughter, reminds me of the first time I heard it.

In August of 1997 I went to the Philippines to find a caregiver.

I started looking in the bars of Angeles City where Filipino women have been going for decades to find foreign husbands to take them abroad. I didn't care much about getting married again, but I desperately needed someone to take care of me.

I was sitting on a barstool when I felt fingers began to massage the spaces between the vertebrae low in my back.

However, I was so intent on trying to make a one sided conversation work with what had to be the Philippines' dumbest go-go dancer that I paid the fingers no attention at first.

As they worked their way up my spine, I began to relax more and more. Some of my chronic pain started to release. The fuzziness in my head from the three and half hour flight from Singapore cleared a little.

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I had bought the dancer a drink because her gold-framed spectacles made her look intelligent, but her answer for every question I asked was an uncomprehending "Huhh?" with a slight upward curl at one corner of her mouth.

The fingers were working their way further into my attention. They had that special, magical ability to seek out and release pain that I had only experienced twice before in the hundreds of massages that I'd paid for.

They finished the vertebrae in my neck and started their way down my right arm.

"Boy, is she in for a surprise," I thought.

"Eee!” she squealed loudly, then burst into peals of laughter that filled the bar, cutting through the loud music so that everyone turned to look.

“Where you arm? He got no arm!" she exclaimed.

I too turned on my barstool to look at her.

She was gorgeous!

Waist length black hair. Oval face with flawless brown skin. Perfect white teeth. Big brown eyes and a happy, giggly smile.

But too old.

My Japanese horoscope said a yellow horse woman born in 1975 was my perfect match. This beautiful woman had to be at least six or seven years older than that.

"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked her. It was the least I could do in exchange for the great massage.

"Where you arm? What happen you?"

"I wrecked a motorcycle. Many years ago. You want a drink?"

"Oh. I no see. Really dark in here. Yeah, sure. I go get. Come back one minute, OK?" She flashed that huge, beautiful smile again.

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When she came back with her wine cooler, she did her best to translate and make my conversation with "Huhh?" work, but I soon gave up all together and stood up.

"Hey! Where you go?"

"Next bar." I was still intent on my search for the twenty-two year old born in the yellow horse year.

Several bars later, my bladder overworked from too many glasses of Sprite and club soda, I decided to give up on finding my perfect match and settle for a perfect massage instead.

"You wanna go back to my room and give me a massage?" I asked her when I got back to her bar.

"What about go-go dancer with glasses?" She was being careful.

"She's dumber than a barstool. Forget about her."

"Yeah. See baby?"

I turned to look at where she was pointing, and there really was a baby playing on the barroom floor. I couldn't believe it!

"That her baby. She never take care. Another girl clean baby shit. Give milk."

"What other girl? Where'd the mother go?"

"Somebody buy her out. She go with White guy for the night. I take care baby, all another girl take care."

"Where they live?”

"Got small room upstairs. Papa-san give for girls work here. Too many girls stay."

"Where you stay? Upstairs?"

"No. I got apartment behind Margaritaville."

"Oh. Look, you got really great massage. You wanna go back to my room and give me massage?"

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She thought it over. "Wait minute. I come back."

She scurried around the horseshoe shaped bar, long black hair swirling behind her, to an older woman working in an account ledger.

I turned my attention to the dancers shuffling and gyrating lazily in front of me.

They all wore shorts and tops that left their midriffs bare but covered everything else. They were nowhere near as beautiful or sexy as the G-string clad Thai bar girls I was used to.

My massage girl came back smiling.

"Mama-san say I go with you. She say you nice guy. Can laugh. Know how to make joke. No hurt nobody. You pay bar fine five hundred pesos because I cocktail waitress. Bar have to pay another girl work."

I gave the heavily made up old lady another look. I guess a lifetime of sizing up men had given her some insights. I hadn't realized that I was being evaluated even more closely than I was judging the girls.

"That's for the bar? What about for you?"

"Half for bar; half for me. You pay now."

"What's your name?" I asked when we got back to the Tropicana.

"Remedia. My name Remedia."

"Well Remedia. Let's start with a shower. It's hard for me to take a shower alone with only one paralyzed arm, so what about you help me, OK?"

"OK. No problem."

She undressed both of us and ran me through the shower with a towel wrapped around herself. Then it was her turn. When she came out, I turned over on the bed, and she began massaging my back.

Something was wrong. The perfect massage was no good. It felt like she didn't know how.

"What's wrong? I thought you knew how to massage."

"I never massage lay down before. Only sit up."

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I started to get pissed off. "OK. Never mind. Come lay down."

I was tired, travel weary and my phantom limb pain was going crazy with all the activity and no rest.

I had really needed the massage.

Putting my anger aside, I rolled over, flopped my paralyzed arm across her and pulled her closer for a hug.

She wriggled happily and started giggling, relieved that everything was going to be normal, and that I wasn't angry about the failed massage.

The next morning she was up early.

"Where you goin'?" I mumbled sleepily.

"I go work.” She was already smiling.

"What're you talkin' about? The bar don't open 'till six tonight." It was too early for me to smile.

"I got another job. I housemaid for Black American man. He got big house. Four bedrooms. He got girl in every bedroom."

"What! This guy's got four girls at the same time?"

"Yeah. I work maid. Make cookies. He like cookies." She giggled.

"How's he pay for all this?"

"He got pension. Retired Navy. He get money for go school too. He go computer school. Afternoon I housemaid for Australian man. He stay alone. Change new girl every night."

"Wait a minute. You got three jobs? You're a cocktail waitress at night, and you've got two maid jobs during the day? Why you work so much?"

"I got son. Need money my son."

"Where's your son?"

"He stay my mother."

"Where's your mother?"

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"She live Santo Nino. Too far. I go now."

She gave me a quick peck and was gone.

I thought about the situation over my banana pancake breakfast that afternoon.

I had come to the Philippines to find a caregiver.

I just wasn't physically able to care for myself, play four hours of music on the street and count all the coins and small bills I received with only one barely functional hand.

I was chronically pain ridden, exhausted and strung out on Tegritol and Amyptonol--extremely powerful tranquilizers that helped some with the pain, but were turning me into a zombie.

I really needed someone to travel around East Asia's newly rich big cities with me to take care of me while I busked with my hand cranked pipe organ. After cranking it for hours with my single, very weak arm, I was simply too exhausted to take care of myself.

I had it in my mind that I wanted an educated person, like a nurse or professional caregiver.

I'd spent eighteen years married to a Thai woman with only five years of education. It had made communication difficult. This girl probably had less than five years of school.

I also wanted compatibility.

At, my Thai wife, was born in the year of the tiger while I was a snake. I couldn't have found a worse match.

I didn't know what Remedia was, but she was certainly too old to be my perfect yellow horse girl.

The kid was OK. If anything the presence of a kid would make her more responsible and give her something to work hard for. And he was farmed out to his grandmother already. I could easily afford to send them a little money every month.

No problem there.

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There was something else about Remedia. It took a while for me to sort through my tranked out feelings to name the right one.

Comfortable!

That was it! I felt really comfortable around her. Like I had known her a long, long time, and there were no barriers between us.

Plus she had magic in her hands.

I knew she must have been born with that special, insightful, healing touch that her massage possessed. She probably just needed a little training to bring it out.

Massage was the best pain reliever for paralysis that I knew of, and Remedia"s magic fingers were extremely rare. Also, her happy laughter lifted my spirits infectiously.

AND she was incredibly beautiful; AND she was a very nice, kind-hearted person.

I was back at the bar when it opened at six.

No Remedia.

One of the other girls come over and told me that Remedia was in the back fixing someone's hair and would be awhile, so I struck up a conversation with another girl.

She was the pool racker.

It was her job to rack the billiard balls on the bar's only pool table. That was all. Just rack the balls after each game whether there was anyone playing or not.

I bought her a drink to help her make her quota and avoid being fined by Papa-san for failing to sell enough drinks. I learned that she was a recent college graduate with a degree in economics.

"You got a degree in economics. What're you doin' workin' in a bar?"

"There are no jobs in the Philippines. Many Filipinos have more education than I do and no job at all. My country is very poor. A job racking pool balls for a dollar and a half a day is better than not working," she explained.

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I struggled to understand what an educated, articulate, well brought up woman who was young and attractive was doing racking billiard balls in a go-go bar.

I reached the same conclusion that she had voiced--any job's better than none, especially in a Third World country where hunger and poverty are constant companions.

After thinking about it a little more, I realized that she was probably looking for a foreign husband to take her out of the Third World.

We talked a while longer until Remedia came out. Then I paid Remedia's bar fine for three days and started learning her story bit by bit during meals, massages and shopping trips. She talked about herself happily, without shyness or reservation, like she had a normal lifestyle.

“How old were when you started workin' in the bar?” I asked.

“I don' know. Maybe eleven, twelve.”

“What! Why so young?”

“I run away home about nine.”

“Why?”

“My Grandma Pombai big healer. Got big power from spirits. Give me. Teach me. My Mama Julia love me a lot. Be really strong Christian. Say spirit healing from devil.

“Oh. So you got a big problem about who you gonna listen to.”

“Yeah. I cry a lot. Father very angry. Hang me by foot from top of house.”

“So where you go when you run away.”

“I go Baguio city. Work noodle shop. Deliver noodles. Then go Manila, work maid.”

“What about school?”

“Mama Julia love me too much. Work hard make mat for sell. Get money send me go school. I no go. I sit guava tree, play monkey.”

“Why didn't you go to school?”

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“All another kid hurt me. I can feel things come from them to me. Monkey happy. No hurt me.”

“You mean you could feel what they were thinking, feeling?”

“Yeah. I can feel all.”

“What about in the bar? There's a lot of bad energy there.”

“I can drink in bar. Have a fun. No feel nothing.”

“How did you get to Angeles City?”

“My sister Maqita bring me. She say I stay Philippines I gonna get married, have many babies. Better work here, go America.”

“Where's she?”

“She work cashier in bar. Marry American Air Force guy name John. Go America. Long time now.”

“So how old were you when you lost your virginity?”

“Maybe about thirteen? I get menstruation about nine.”

“Wow! Really young. So what you do in the bar that young?”

“I sit on old man's lap. He buy me drinks. No sex. Only sit. Old man like hold young girl.” She giggled and looked at me.

“So why you wanna go to Singapore with me?”

“I tired work bar. Want change my life. New Year I send balloon up exactly midnight. Wish for husband even he no arms and blind. You no arms.” She smiled at me.

“Yeah, and I'm blind without my glasses.”

November 12, 2006

I burned myself doing too much energy work this morning, winding up with a nasty headache, nausea and listlessness.

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I started off fine, filling myself up with early morning Kundalini exercises and chanting while sitting in the fresh breeze by the beach watching the sunrise over the Gulf.

Afterwards I walked down the beach watching the locals gather clams and mussels at low tide.

When I returned, Remedia was gone to morning market, so I sat on our bungalow porch waiting for her and breakfast.

An old friend, Muti, stopped by to chat. He's thirty-six and is the eldest son of the old Muslim woman who owns the bungalows here.

Several years ago, he blew out his knee playing soccer. He was in severe pain and unable to walk at all. Remedia did massage and Reiki on him for more than an hour, and afterwards he was able to get up and walk pain free.

He's quite poor with three children in school, but he always insists on providing us with free transportation around the local area when we're here.

As we chatted about important things like how pesky the flies were because of the recent rains and the merits of different types of monkeys working to harvest coconuts, I began noticing that my mind was split.

One part was busy chatting away while another, different part, was observing clear white light flowing from me to him.

As I was watching and chatting, I could see that his energy was quite dark.

I wondered what he looked like emotionally, inside. He had some sadness and a fair amount of fear.

Then I consciously looked for anger. It leaped out at me, reddish orange and so powerful that I started back in my chair. Muti had a tremendous amount of suppressed anger inside.

At first I started trying to clear his aura, but there was so much darkness that it didn't seem possible with my power.

I decided to try transforming his fear and anger into golden energy that he could use to heal himself. This went a little better.

Bhagavan sent me a lot of energy, and Muti started looking lighter inside.

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After awhile, he walked off down the beach, but, as often happens when I'm giving energy to people who don't know they're getting it, he soon returned for some more.

I kept working on him until Remedia came with breakfast.

Just as we were finishing our fried chicken and glutinous rice, Andy crawled out of the back of Coco Bar which sits on one corner of the property.

Andy's a German who's been on a two day drunk, feeling confused and sorry for himself because his Thai girlfriend of five years had a stroke a year ago. Andy's strong sense of kindness and decency won't allow him to abandon her, but he really doesn't know how to handle life with a disabled person, or how to help her.

While we chatted about his problems, I started looking at his mind and chakras.

His mind was very busy with chaotic thoughts--worry, fear and helplessness pervaded.

I moved down through his chakras, still looking at them.

The throat was blocked tight with a large cloud of black energy extending far out on both sides of his neck. The heart was surprisingly good. It had a lot of golden love and kindness. The solar plexus was a little weak but not blocked. The next one, below the navel, was horrible. It was full of very dirty energy. The base was blocked, but not too badly.

I went to work trying to illuminate and clean his mind first and then each chakra. He stayed for a long time, and I worked until he left.

This was the first time I had been able to see someone's chakras, or try to clean them with my mind, so I was completely absorbed by what was happening with both Muti and Andy.

A couple hours later I started feeling very bad. I took some paracetamol and had a nap.

In the evening, when I felt better, I started thinking about what I had done wrong,

First, I didn't create a sacred space to work in.

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Second, I didn't connect to Mother Earth.

Third, I didn't connect to Bhagavan or any other source of healing energy. I was fortunate that Bhagavan connected to me.

Fourth, I didn't do grounding afterwards.

November 14, 2006

I had another important realization before dawn. It left me peacefully certain about my past, what I'm doing now and why everything has opened up so easily for me since I responded to Bhagavan's call such a short time ago.

Yesterday Remedia and I went to visit her beloved teacher, Luang Paw Kai, the abbot at Wat La Harn, a small village temple.

He was very ill with lung disease and an extremely painful bone problem in his right arm and leg.

Even so, his first thought and action was what he could give us, not what he could get from us. He gave us a large bag full of Asian pears, pomegranates and oranges before we could take the seats he had directed us to.

We talked a little, and he told me that he can no longer do energy work. It was painfully obvious that he didn't even have the power to help heal himself.

For many months Remedia had entertained high expectations about this visit.

She was looking forward to receiving one of Luang Paw's intense empowerments that would fill and heal her completely.

Instead, she quickly saw his condition and started poking me and whispering to me that we had to heal him.

I was very hesitant.

Luang Paw Kai is extremely revered.

He has helped thousands and thousands of poor villagers for decades. They get down and crawl respectfully into his presence.

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He’s also our special teacher who first introduced us into higher meditations and freely gave us half of all his personal power.

How could we dare to heal him?

I struggled with these thoughts as the conversation stalled, and Remedia's jabs in my ribs grew more forceful.

"Om sat chit. Ananda parabrahm."

As soon as Luang Paw heard me begin chanting, he closed his eyes and bowed his head gratefully.

I continued, and we could both feel him open himself completely to the healing. It was extremely easy to give him energy. He had nothing negative inside to block it, and he possessed an attitude of grateful humility that enabled the energy to flow unhindered by any obstruction.

I asked AmmaBhagavan to heal him and relieve his pain, visualized the golden sparks in his bones, then I connected to divine white light to replenish his life force energy.

We didn't stay long.

A maichee (lay nun wearing white) walking on her knees brought him food, and a student crawled in respectfully for instructions.

When we got up to go, he went to rest.

Both of us felt like he needed a lot more energy; he didn't get enough.

When we got home, we did a long meditation. It was very easy to connect and send him healing because the path had already been established by the brief work we had done with him earlier. This time he got filled completely before we stopped.

I sent energy again during the night, but he didn't need much.

Before dawn, when I was just waking up, thinking about him being the abbot, I realized that long ago in another lifetime, I was one of the abbots of the temple in India where the teachings about Deeksha came from.

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That's why I had such a strong response to Kiara Windrider's writings about Sri Bhagavan's work with Deeksha. It's why I cried with such an overwhelming feeling of homecoming and peacefulness on reading his words. It's why, all my life, I have always been either the leader of my group or alone.

So why did it take fifty-three years for the call to come from Bhagavan? I can only think of one reason.

Experience.

I needed to experience as varied a life as possible so that I would understand as many different types of people as possible and be able to teach each one according to his or her ability to understand.

As a child, my mother started me reading before I began school, and I compulsively read nearly every book in every library in our small town. Most days I got through five or six books. I didn't care what genre; I found an author or subject that interested me and read everything.

Father taught me how to enjoy hard work and do a good job at anything I tried. He also taught me how to live off the land and instilled in me a love and respect for the wilderness that I still have.

After school, two very trying and difficult years in the Marine Corp drilled self discipline and unbreakable self confidence, or a can do attitude, into me. I also got my first taste of living and working in a multi-racial environment.

Years of working as a logger in Alaska allowed me to stretch my physical body to its limits with exhaustingly hard, dangerous work that demanded alertness in the face of life threatening situations.

I also spent those years practicing dead Christianity in a dead Seventh Day Adventist church that left me with a healthy dislike for organized, lifeless religion.

Then came years of traveling that took me all over the world, working and living in many different cultures.

I spent several of those years living in a small village in Northern Thailand with a very poor ethnic Lao group. I learned what life in a completely alien culture was like and how to exist as a subsistence farmer-gatherer with no money while caring for my new family.

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At the age of thirty, back in California, I wrecked a motorcycle.

I lost my right arm and the left one was paralyzed.

I couldn't work physically any longer, but the California State Department of Rehabilitation sent me to university. I studied small business management and writing while learning how to live and relate to society as a disabled person.

Returning to Asia, I taught English in Taiwan and tried several small businesses in Thailand. None of them worked very well, but, once again, I was learning to work and live in new social groups and environments.

At thirty-nine a Canadian man taught me how to crank a German pipe organ on the street in Tokyo.

I loved it.

It made a lot of money really fast in any country I was in. Instant cash.

For the last fourteen years, I have traveled and lived as a crippled beggar playing music on street corners all over East Asia.

Many times I've been asked who gives me money.

Everybody gives me money.

People from all social levels, age groups and ethnic, cultural and religious backgrounds have walked up to my organ to drop money in my tin cup and stop to talk for a minute.

They can all easily relate to being severely disabled. The disabled are a worldwide social group that are viewed with pity and fear everywhere.

Last June first I fell and broke my elbow so badly that I'll never crank my organ again. We were forced to sell our house on the beach in the Philippines to pay bills.

I had a cabinetmaker build a stand to hold a gong that I can bang with the foot pedal from a bass drum while sitting down.

It's much closer to begging than playing the organ was, and it only makes half the money.

It has made me much more humble.

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It's done something else too. I sit chanting Tibetan mantras in meditation to keep time for the gong. Six hours of chanting a day has sped up my spiritual development.

Throughout all of my fifty-three years I have always lived with poor or working class people--never with the wealthy.

I have suffered through and overcome all the common addictions to drugs, alcohol and sex.

Ten years ago I met Remedia.

Together we began the extremely difficult task of cleaning ourselves up and healing our entire beings--physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically and spiritually.

We are nearly finished.

In me alone, we have used Reiki and Chi Gong to overcome Diabetes, Herpes, Hepatitis B and C, demons and spirits of the dead haunting me.

It took many years because we had to first identify each problem as it appeared, then search for a teacher and then do the practice to heal the problem.

So what does my chaotic, messy, difficult life add up to?

Experience.

I have been busy gaining the necessary experience to teach anyone, anywhere in the world.

When Krishna gave us the first level of Deeksha, all the teachings and abilities I had in my past life as an abbot began awakening in me.

They continue to come every day. Combining them with the experience gained in the first half of this life will turn me into an awesome teacher for my remaining years.

On the tour bus coming here from Bangkok, I impulsively started giving energy to the young woman sitting across the aisle from me. I used white light to illuminate her mind.

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I got a poke in the ribs. From my lovely wife.

"What you doing. You playing, huh?" she queried me.

I was surprised, but I shouldn't have been. Remedia is extremely sensitive to anything happening in the energy field around her.

I stopped sending white light, but I had a strong certainty that I could easily connect all the minds on the bus into one and illuminate everybody, just as I had the young woman.

I am also very comfortable using the astral plane at night to do healing on any sleeping person that I have a connection to.

All of these things are possible for adepts, but I've never been able to do them before, and I've no training to do them.

Yesterday afternoon, Andy brought Nit, his Thai girlfriend who had the stroke, by for us to work on. It was extremely difficult.

We were in Coco Bar--not the best environment for healing. Montri, the owner and bartender, gave us some very negative comments. I tried to get Andy to move Nit out to the beach, but he ignored me so we went ahead.

Nit burst into sobs before I even got close to her.

I called AmmaBhagavan first and put the golden sparks to work in her brain in the area where she had the stroke. Then I tried Christian prayer, asking God for a miracle. Last I tried white light.

She was so full of sadness over her condition, fear about her future, and anger and jealousy towards anyone who came close to Andy, that I couldn't get much energy into her. The golden sparks were the only thing I felt certain about. She just kept generating more negative emotions and tears.

Backing off, I sat down on the other side of Remedia while she had a go. She tried a Reiki I attunement to break in, but she didn't do any better than I had.

I walked over and sat down in a small shed about thirty meters away. I thought that moving farther away might calm her down. I also thought that using Buddha energy might help because she's Buddhist.

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I began by chanting "Om pet ma duri hung," to put us all on the Buddha plane. Then I did the chants to call Sakyamuni Buddha, who is in every Thai temple, followed by Medicine King Buddha.

After Nit calmed down and stopped crying, she moved over onto Andy's bench next to him. They started cuddling and talking.

I could see love flowing from him to her, so I put a golden Sakyamuni Buddha in each of their hearts to generate more loving kindness. Then I chanted "Om muni muni maha muni soha," for a long while, making the Buddha in her heart brighter and brighter before sending waves of golden love out from it to flow throughout her body.

When the golden Sakyamuni Buddha would stay in her heart without my help, I switched to Medicine King Buddha. I put Reiki symbols above her head and started sending his blue energy into her crown chakra, then down through her whole body.

After about an hour, Muti came by to say that he had passed his class three driver's test that morning. It was good news, and he was happy. He can now get a job driving big rigs between here and Bangkok. His cheerful chatting broke into my concentration, and that was the end of the session.

"I wish we could have helped that girl more," I lamented to Remedia later.

"She walking better when she go."

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah. I see her when she buy barbecue chicken."

"I didn't look. I was afraid she'd start crying again. I'll try again later tonight when she's sleeping. I have the feeling that we might get her to be able to talk again, but I don't have much hope for her arm."

"She gonna get better than you think."

I didn't argue. Remedia has the gift of sight, and she's always more optimistic than me.

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After my usual one o'clock wakening in the middle of the night, I tried working on Nit.

I connected to AmmaBhagavan and started clearing her chakras with the base first. Three of them were really terrible and sucked up vast amounts of energy, but in the end all cleared. If she doesn't come back, I'll keep working on her every night until I hear something.

Yesterday was very good for Remedia. Despite her disappointment over Luang Paw Kai, she was able to give a little healing energy to two people, the first energy work she's done for many months.

She had visions of Luang Paw Kai most of last night.

She kept hearing AmmaBhagavan's Moola Mantra over and over in her mind while she saw two super-beings visit Luang Paw. They peeled off the outer layer of his body like a snake shedding its skin and sent all the disease in his bones down into the earth.

Luang Paw Kai emerged from his old body like a holy man, shining with new and greater power.

Today Remedia's been in bed sleeping on and off all day.

She's been having visions of a small girl she aborted many years ago who is still hanging around. She's been talking to the child and giving her love while trying to build a relationship so that Remedia can guide her on.

I spent the day writing quietly and fetching food for Remedia--good exercise for my healing arm.

November 15, 2006

I had a very good meditation about Luang Paw Kai last night. I used white light on both of us until it seemed like both of our bodies transformed into white light.

Then I tried Nit. Once again I just couldn't make progress against her negative emotions. I finally gave up.

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"God, I can't do this. I just can't break through. Please help me."

Divine white light suddenly flooded through Nit. It only took a few seconds before all the blackness was gone.

As soon as I admitted my powerlessness and appealed to God in a state of utter helplessness, his help appeared instantly.

Nit and Andy came by Coco Bar in the afternoon.

I said hello to them, but they didn't reply and left quickly. Andy drank only orange soda, no beer. He looked quite bad--like he hadn't had a drink since I last saw him.

I could see no sign of improvement in Nit.

Montri joked that they are afraid of me the same as an evil spirit is afraid of a monk. They don't want their negative energies cleaned out, or are afraid of the changes occurring inside them.

He collected up their empty bottles. Nit's soy milk was still full. Montri poured it out in the grass.

"Wagh! It's rotten."

I looked. The freshly opened bottle of soy milk had curdled already, even though Montri had opened it fresh just a few minutes before.

I think there is some truth in what Montri said.

I often became very angry with the people giving me energy to cleanse locked in fear, sadness and anger. It happened twice very recently--when Christians in Singapore prayed to remove blocks to heal my elbow just before we came to Thailand and when Krishna played crystal bowls and released a block in my abdomen.

When clean, positive energy hits a negative block to cleanse it, the negative energies don't want to go. They have found a comfortable home in the body and are exerting their control over it. They fight back by arousing anger in their host against the person that is disturbing them.

It had always required one to three days for my anger against the Christians to subside enough for their powerful prayers to work.

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When Krishna played his bowls, I wanted to smash them, trash Bhagavan's picture and spit on his shoes.

However, by that time I was able to recognize what was happening in me as it happened. I could work through it by experiencing the anger and releasing it without expressing it physically. It took ten years of energy work to be able to do that.

These people have no experience with energy and no spiritual lives at all. They have no way of understanding what is happening to them.

I'll continue working on them, concentrating on sending God's love and using prayer.

November 16, 2006

I slept poorly last night. I had a lot of trouble getting and holding my meditation, and I had troublesome dreams with exceptionally bright, clear colors.

In the first dream, my mother and I went to the supermarket. It was the middle of the night, but we were allowed in. We were the only customers.

Mom collected a basket, and we went straight through the silent store to the walk-in cooler in the back. It was locked, but I was easily able to open the complicated lock using my toes as I had no arms.

Inside we found all kinds of fresh fish and seafood, beef and large turkeys. My favorite freshwater fish were very large and freshly cleaned, ready to cook.

They were cheap, costing only thirty dollars for a minimum of fifteen fish.

I put nothing in our basket.

Mom said, "Well, don't worry. It's early yet. Thanksgiving is still a few days away."

Then we were outside the cooler and decided to go back in again. I opened the lock, and two nearly frozen men who were trapped inside came stumbling out. They had stayed alive by jury rigging some kind of homemade heater that didn't work very well.

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Once again, I looked at all the beautiful food without placing anything in our basket.

Remedia says it means that I can see all the wonderful gifts that Bhagavan has waiting for me, but I'm not claiming them for myself. She went on to say that after the next week long process with Krishna I'll be able to accept all the gifts.

Before returning to sleep, I tried for a long time to get and hold an empty state of mind, but something kept blocking me. I finally gave up and went back to sleep with the help of two paracetamol tablets.

This time I dreamed I was well dressed in an ultra modern department store early in the morning before most of the staff had come to work.

I was there to meet my brother Steven, but I was early. I set my computer, cell phone and jacket on one of the counters while I wandered around to kill time until my nine-thirty appointment.

Ten-thirty came and still no Steven, so I decided to go back to my cell phone and call him. I moved through the store on a hi-tech travelator that worked on both the vertical and horizontal.

When I arrived at the counter where my things were, a beautiful young Japanese woman in her department store uniform was sitting with them.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a problem by leaving my things here," I said.

"It's no trouble. Would you like to see a picture?"

I sat down beside her. "Sure."

She showed me a picture of herself riding a clean, white, very hot Japanese motorcycle. She was wearing a very full dress blown up by the wind, exposing her bare legs, belly and breasts.

"How did you know I like motorcycles?" I asked.

"I saw a picture of you on one in your things," she replied. "Would like to go for a ride on my motorcycle?"

I felt a twinge of sadness over what riding motorcycles had done to my body.

"I'd love to ride your motorcycle," I replied, still looking at her picture.

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She led me to the garage and drove us out of the city to a secluded little spot in the country with a patch of green grass among alder trees. We made love on the grass for hours.

I woke up enough to realize that the inner pain caused by my motorcycle accident was finally healing.

I awoke again just before first light.

My mind was drawn to what Montri had said about evil spirits, and I made the connection.

Nit had a demon in her.

I looked.

It wasn't just one. There were many.

Andy was infected too.

The biggest demon in Nit snapped at me with a large mouthful of very big, sharp teeth.

I withdrew hastily, back to my own body. I felt the same creepy, itchy sensation I'd had last night while trying to get my meditation. I knew the demon had followed me.

I woke Remedia up and went to the toilet.

"Nit's full of demons," I said.

"Some voodoo people put bad spirits in her because she very proud. Arrogant."

Why was I always last to figure things out? Remedia always knows before me.

"That's why I couldn't get my meditation," I said.

"That's why I no sleep good. And why they leave really quick yesterday. And why her soy milk go bad before she can drink."

"I'm gonna get those demons. I'm gonna send them to the far side of the universe where they'll never bother a human again. Better do your protection. When they come out of Nit they'll be trying to get into you," I said.

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"No! Leave those people alone! They no come to you. They no ask you for help! Bad spirits really bad. No mess with that."

"Andy came here and talked to me many times. He asked me to help heal Nit. God wouldn't have sent them if we couldn't help them. Besides, it's too late. The demons are hanging around causing us problems already."

"I just sit here. Do my Anapanasati meditation." She was avoiding the issue.

"You better do your protection."

Remedia was hesitant to get involved with demons because we'd had a nasty three day fight with one right here shortly after receiving our Reiki Master/Teacher attunements nearly eight years ago.

We had been invited to a World Peace Day party by a very liberal Muslim Imam who was a retired Malay movie star. He lived in a beach villa with a mosque in his backyard about three or four kilometers down the bay.

Remedia and I had walked past his beautiful place before but had never stopped. We went to the party with Remedia's local girl friends.

Pit was married to a German, and Kru Dui was a grammar school teacher.

We were greeted with overwhelming Muslim hospitality.

I was invited to join the circle of men sitting on the floor in the large living room. They all looked very imposing --black bearded, dressed in white and wearing fancy little fezzes.

Remedia was taken off into the kitchen with Pit, Kru Dui and the rest of the women.

They were particularly glad to have visitors from America and the Philippines because we added an international flavor to the festivities. We were treated like royalty.

After a delicious meal of Malay style food and a chat, I pleaded fatigue as my arms were hurting badly. I asked for a place to rest for a while.

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The Imam's senior wife showed me into her deceased son's bedroom which the Imam now used to say his prayers in several times a day. After making sure I was comfortable, she left me alone.

The room was charged with extremely good energy. It was very easy to go into a meditative state and release my pain. I lay there resting for more than an hour before getting up to go find Remedia.

Remedia was having a blast.

She was reading palms for all comers while Pit and Kru Dui translated. Everybody was giggling and laughing.

Later Remedia told me what had happened.

"The Imam he see me look hand. I just joking around. He ask me, 'Do I really wanna see fortune?' I say, 'Yes.'"

"He take me go living room to big bowl holy water. He put holy water my head. He do chant. He give me big power. Now I can see everything in people aura. No have to look lines on hand no more. Really good, huh?"

Remedia, Pit and Kru Dui had a great time for the next couple of weeks running all over telling fortunes.

They charged two hundred baht and split it, half for Remedia and half for the translator. They went to all the schools, the hospital, the police station, the wet market and anywhere else they could think of.

Remedia was easily paying all of our bills, but I got tired of never seeing my wife and started demanding that she be home by dark.

People started coming to our bungalow in the evening, and I did the translating.

One evening a mother brought her beautiful daughter who had been forced to drop out of university in Bangkok because of a mysterious illness that doctors could neither diagnose nor cure.

Remedia started doing her reading. After several questions the daughter's face changed suddenly from its beautiful oval shape to an elongated rectangle with drawn cheeks.

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Her voice changed also, becoming deep and gravelly.

"Who is stronger, the mother or the daughter?" she asked Remedia.

I translated and Remedia hesitated over her answer, like she was unsure about what was happening.

"The mother," she finally replied.

The daughter became very angry and began telling Remedia's fortune while I translated.

After a couple of predictions, Remedia abruptly terminated the interview and, refusing payment, grabbed my arm urgently and started dragging me towards our bungalow.

As we reached it, I heard little motorcycles start up and saw headlights come on. They were leaving.

Remedia dragged me inside, slammed the door and snapped, "Do your protection."

I was so surprised that I didn't argue at all. I sat on the bed and started forming energy shields while she chanted.

I had gotten one shield around me and was just finishing a bigger dome over our bungalow when my mind's eye saw a huge wall of flames racing towards us, towering up higher than the coconut trees.

The wall of flames hit my shield, smashing it down and in until it almost touched the bungalow's roof. Terrified, I reinforced it with Reiki symbols and pushed back with all my power.

Slowly our energy field pushed the wall of fire back.

Suddenly it disappeared.

Shaken badly, I asked Remedia, "Did you see that?"

"Yeah. That girl. She have demon inside her. Really strong one. He try burn us. He really angry because I say mother stronger than daughter. He come from another world. That girl really nice and pretty. He want take her back with him,

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but mother fight him to save daughter. He really angry me say mother stronger."

Part of me really didn't believe what I was hearing, but I was certain about the towering wall of flames my mind had seen.

Pit and Kru Dui came early the next day.

They already knew we had a problem and were concerned. They told us how the motorcycle the daughter had been riding had broken down right after leaving our place.

The demon had wanted to stay and fight.

"Should take girl go see monk. Monk get that bad spirit," Remedia told her friends.

"Many people told her already, but she doesn't want to believe her daughter's got an evil spirit. She keeps taking her to doctors. She even took her to a big hospital in Bangkok. Nothing helps," Kru Dui said.

"I no want tell fortune no more. Now I got big problem," Remedia lamented.

After our friends left, Remedia got the bucket and dipper out of the toilet and, going down to the ocean, filled the bucket with seawater. She began using the dipper to soak down the walls of our bungalow. She paid particular attention to the window and door frames.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Bad spirit no like salt. Maybe keep him out."

"You think he's coming back?" I started getting worried.

"Yeah. He come night time."

Remedia was right. We were up fighting him all night. He attacked Remedia, getting inside her. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she couldn't see her own face. She saw the daughter's face instead.

We used our Reiki to drive him out, but he kept coming back. Towards dawn, he got tired and retreated to the bushes behind our little house.

Exhausted also, Remedia laid down on the bed to rest for a few minutes.

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I sat in our only chair, halfway between the bed and the open front door.

It was just after sunup when, suddenly, Remedia sat up on the bed. "I see him! He on top you head! He halfway in you!"

I was too scared to move. My head felt creepy crawly. The hair on my neck and arms stood up.

Remedia jumped up and ran over to stand behind me. She began giving me a Reiki attunement.

As soon as the Reiki hit the demon, he shot straight down through my body, exiting out my base chakra. The heavy front door banged shut with a loud crash that shook the entire house.

I opened the door cautiously.

"What you do!?" Remedia demanded.

I looked out. Absolute silence. Nothing disturbed the early morning calm. No breath of air swayed the coconut fronds. No one was up yet.

The door banging shut was the first physical evidence of the demon's presence that I had seen.

When our friends came later, they decided to take Remedia to see a monk. The nearest temple had an abbot a hundred and two years old. He did a little chanting and sprinkled some holy water on Remedia.

She came home dissatisfied. "He no good monk like Luang Paw Kai. He too old. He no chase away bad spirit."

"What? The monk didn't get rid of that thing?"

"Monk throw water. I see water burn bad spirit. He run away. But he come back tonight." She went into the toilet and peered out at the bushes nervously. She was getting worn out.

"He in bushes. He waiting dark," she said.

"You better lay down and get a little rest."

After dark the attack began with the sound of footsteps on our grass roof.

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We fought all night again.

The demon concentrated on Remedia, trying to establish his residence in her. We drove him out repeatedly with Reiki, but we couldn't keep him out. He kept coming back, and we grew seriously exhausted.

"What's wrong with this thing? Why won't he quit?" I asked.

"He see I have a big power. He want take me his world. Use my power over there for him."

Pit and Kru Dui showed up early in the morning. They were very concerned.

Thais have no doubts at all about the existence of spirits. Every home has a little house on a pedestal in one corner of the yard for the spirits. Thai people make daily offerings.

After a war conference, they decided to take Remedia to the Imam down the beach.

"Imam really good. He get bad spirit," she told me on her return.

"What'd he do."

"He have big bowl holy water. He pick flowers. Put in holy water. He do chant. He pray Allah. He wash my face holy water. He pour on my head. Give me take a bath. I drink too."

"You think that thing's gone for good?"

"Yeah. Imam have a big power. He no come back."

The battle was over. Six months later, when we returned for our next visit, we learned that the beautiful young daughter was dead. The demon had succeeded in taking her back to his world.

Remedia stubbornly stuck to her Anapanasati meditation, ignoring me while I spent the next half hour raising my Kundalini so that I would have power.

I also did protection for both of us and our bungalow.

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While I was drawing Earth energy into my base chakra in preparation for the Kundalini exercise, I could see the largest demon trying to enter it.

He wanted to get me before I could get him.

I was able to push him away, but he bothered me throughout the entire meditation.

"Why don't you light some incense and a candle?" I asked Remedia when I'd finished the Kundalini.

She dearly loves her incense and candles, but she stuck with ignoring me.

"How about you find that bottle of holy oil we got from the Christians? Put a little on your forehead and mine too."

That got her going. She has great respect for the power of Christian holy oil. As soon as her hand closed around the little vial, prayer started pouring out of her mouth.

It wasn't part of my plan, but I was too surprised to remonstrate.

After the first few sentences, I could feel the power starting to build, so I joined in. The power grew and intensified. We prayed ourselves, our bungalow and the resort clean, energized and free of evil spirits.

Then we started on Andy and Nit.

We asked Angels to stay with them to guard and protect them while we washed them inside and out with God's divine white light directed by prayer. We claimed God's promises that men have dominion over evil spirits and that if God grants the ability to see demons, he also grants the power to cast them out.

I commanded all the demons to flee to the far side of the universe and never return. Then I asked God to strengthen Andy's desire to stop drinking.

When we finished, Remedia said, "Prayer really powerful, huh?"

I agreed.

"This place really clean now. You see it?"

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"Yeah. Every thing's really bright. No more dark energy. How about Andy and Nit?"

She made a face. "I think Nit still have some. But a lot gone."

"You mean some of the demons are gone but some, like maybe the biggest one, are still there?"

"Yeah I think so. Cannot get all one time. Have to do again later."

November 17, 2006

We spent a quiet day. Remedia did a lot of work on my body, especially my abdomen, where she released many knots containing stored pain from my arms.

The pain level in my whole body diminished as a result of releasing the lumps.

She used a combination of massage and Jesus' healing power.

I sent clean energy into the knots and breathed deeply into her massaging fingers while grounding out the releasing pain.

During the afternoon, I kept being bothered by visions of Nit's biggest demon in front of my face while I was writing. Remedia and I did a short session with holy oil and Christan prayer to send him away, then we went for a nice walk on the beach.

While walking I began chanting the Moola Mantra.

Instead of my usual strong vision of Bhagavan with a weaker picture of Amma, I received a very clear picture of Amma while Bhagavan was only an energy field.

As I kept chanting, Amma grew stronger and clearer in her red sari and gold jewelry while Bhagavan faded. I began receiving intense waves of love energy.

Then the demon appeared between Amma and I.

He was still trapped in the cage of energy I had placed him in, snapping and tearing at the bars in rage.

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As I watched, Amma's waves of love transformed him from a raging, snarling beast into a gentle, mild-mannered creature incapable of harm. Amma and her intense waves of love stayed with me for the next couple of hours as we finished our walk and I sat on a bench gazing at the sea.

The obvious lesson I had learned was that instead of using force to cage and banish the demon, I should have used love to help him and free him from the negative emotional state that he was trapped in and that was causing so much harm to other beings.

Namely Nit.

Amma had shown me that using love to transform the demon was a much more effective, permanent solution. The demon would certainly have escaped from my cage and gone on another destructive rampage, creating more negative karma for himself while harming others.

The other, far more important lesson, is that AmmaBhagavan are definitely teaching me. I suspected it before; now I'm certain. The girl on the tour bus, the visit to Luang Paw Kai and Andy's and Nit's problems have all been lessons presented to me.

When I arrive at the right solution and use the appropriate energies correctly, everyone involved in the lesson receives immense benefits. When I use a less than optimal strategy, AmmaBhagavan are going to correct me with a lesson like yesterday's vision on the beach.

Thank you AmmaBhagavan!

November 19, 2006

Remedia had a great day yesterday.

Two monkeys came with their owner to harvest the coconuts in the trees around the bungalows. She laughed for two hours while keeping up a running commentary on their antics scampering up and down the trees, twisting and biting off coconuts and fighting off the scorpions, centipedes and other wildlife living in the fronds.

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The bigger monkey could harvest two trees to the smaller monkey's one. It could also leap from tree to tree instead of having to climb down then up again.

The owner controlled them with voice and hand signals and a long nylon leash on a collar. Both valuable animals were in exceptionally good condition--well fed, shampooed and groomed.

When they had finished, Remedia went out to help the old lady who owns the land gather the heavy nuts and pile them by the road for a truck to pick up. An afternoon shower drove them in before they had finished.

After the rain, Mama Da, Muti's wife, came by to invite Remedia to some Muslim festivities at the mosque. The mosque turned out to be the one in the old Imam's backyard.

Remedia was overjoyed to renew her friendship with the old movie star. He was just as happy. He got out his journal entries describing their first meeting many years ago and read them to everybody.

He had seen a vision of Remedia as a ravishingly beautiful centaur (half woman, half horse) princess with special magical powers living in a former lifetime. He had the women of his household make up Remedia's face and dress her all in black and gold so that he could photograph her.

Remedia said she looked nothing at all like herself, but like some glamorous movie star.

Then he had his daughter go find Pit to translate.

Remedia told the Imam how she had wished she could come to Ban Saphan to see him and Luang Paw Kai when she was so desperately sick in the hospital in Chang Mai last April.

He told her that any wish or dream she had would certainly come true because she has the power.

The Imam taught her how to call the power of Allah down into her cupped hands and wash it into her face. Before she left, he invited both of us to come for more teaching and said he had something important to tell us.

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Remedia didn't get home until late and is too tired to go today, so maybe we'll go tomorrow.

I'm very happy that she's doing so well here. She's returning to her old self. She’s regaining her happiness and powers.

November 20, 2006

Remedia woke up complaining of a dream in which a bad spirit was eating her intestines.

I slept well.

I woke up in the very early hours as usual and spent the rest of the night in meditation chanting the Moola Mantra and doing empty mind meditation while going in and out of the dream state.

I saw three different issues which occurred early in my life and caused major emotional blocks. I was able to release them all using AmmaBhagavan's love.

In Alaska, at twenty-three, I fell madly in love with Sharon, who was the same age as me. She was an extremely beautiful, red haired, green eyed, Irish American woman from Westport, Connecticut. She had recently graduated from an East Coast university and was touring Alaska with her boy friend.

We happened to be going South to the Lower 48 at the same time. I gave them a ride down the Alcan Highway to Seattle. It was an adventurous, three day trip through the first blizzard of winter.

Sharon and I kept in touch by phone and mail for the next year, and I flew back to Westport for Thanksgiving.

We became lovers, and she wanted to take the eight thousand dollars we had and elope to Canada. Sadly, I refused because I didn't want to give up my adventurous, adrenalin filled life as a logger and fisherman in Alaska's wilderness.

Understandably, she wanted more security.

I flew back again in the spring for a visit. She had a job as a graphic artist in a ball bearing factory in Keene, New Hampshire.

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This visit didn't go so well, and she asked me to leave. I cried for the last time until Bhagavan called me thirty years later.

I stopped at the first town down the road and filled her apartment with roses because I knew it was the end of love.

Two months later she told me she was pregnant and asked for half the money she needed for an abortion. I sent it and asked if she wanted me to fly back and be with her through the procedure.

She refused, saying that her mother would take care of her. Later she returned my money. Her father's health insurance had paid the medical expenses.

I was completely heart-broken by this failed relationship. I never loved another woman again as intensely as I had loved her.

The heart break had formed a huge block inside me that love released.

A dream about John Wayne leading my Marine Corp platoon through heroic situations showed me the intense pride that Marine training had instilled in me at seventeen.

This pride had stayed with me throughout life, causing another major block in my belly.

The last block to release was sadness caused by the loss of our family home when I was thirteen. My parents had divorced and went through bankruptcy. I had been mourning the loss of the very ground itself.

I now have a wonderfully warm, relaxed sensation behind my pubic bone. It feels like fresh blood and energy can now flow through tissues constricted into knots for most of my life.

I experienced another revelation during the night.

Deep in empty mind meditation, I watched thoughts arise, float across the TV screen of my mind and then fade away. I suddenly realized that I was not my mind.

I was something else observing my mind.

This something else was composed of much finer, much more subtle energy than my mind.

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I only had a brief, intriguing stay in this new vision of me. I must experience it more and learn what I am.

In the afternoon Pit took us to see the Imam.

It was a strange visit. We sat around a dining table while his daughter served milk tea and delicious, freshly cooked roti. I enjoyed the roti but drank only water, knowing that the caffeine in the strong tea would cause great pain in my broken nerves.

The Imam praised Remedia at length, and I jokingly said, "The Imam likes you very much. I'll give you to him."

His face lit up; he was very happy.

I hastily explained that I was only making a joke.

He looked rather unhappy and suggested we do a round of sharing energy beginning with Remedia. When she stumbled over the first words of the Guru Puja mantra, I took over for her.

I generated a lot of energy, but he interrupted me before I finished, motioning Remedia to continue.

This time she turned both palms up and prayed to Allah Imam A Dee like he had taught her.

He held his hands up also and looked quite pleased, rubbing the energy into his face when she finished.

When he asked if we wanted to know anything, I asked him to explain what the ball of white light in Emptiness was that I had seen a few months ago in Pai.

He gave me the thumbs up and looked at me with new interest.

"This is very good. It means you have reached quite a high state of spiritual development and have a lot of power. The ball is Imam A Dee, the highest God, the Creator of the universe. He is above all the other Gods such as Allah, the Christian God, Jesus, the Buddhas, the Three Immortals of Taoism and all the rest. It means your mind has gone above these Gods and can draw power from the Creator himself."

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"So now that I have this, what will be the next stage of my development?"

"Don't think about it. You are now in an automatic process. Just let it happen naturally."

Another frustrating answer. But at least I had finally found someone who could explain the white light to me, although I wasn't too sure about his cosmology.

Remedia gave him a Reiki booster while Pit disappeared into the kitchen.

The Imam’s wife came in as we were getting ready to go. She had been to the doctor for a very painful problem in her right knee.

Pit and Remedia immediately decided to try helping her.

She lay down on the carpet, and they massaged her legs.

Afterwards, Remedia gave her knee Reiki while I sat behind Remedia and sent Bhagavan's healing power into both of them. When we were finished, she could walk normally again.

The Imam and his wife had a short conversation in stage whispers aside from us. I caught the whole exchange.

She pointed at Remedia. "She has very good, powerful energy." She was grinning broadly.

"So does he," he answered her while pointing at me. "He has the ball already."

They kindly presented us with a bag full of hot roti and milk tea to take home. Yusuf, the Imam’s son, took me on one motorcycle while Pit took Remedia.

Back at our bungalow, Yusuf seemed reluctant to leave, staying and chatting for a while.

After he left, we gave the tea to the old lady who owns the bungalows, ate our roti and discussed the visit.

"Imam getting old. I think you have more power than him now. Like Luang Paw Kai," Remedia said.

"Did you get any energy from him? I got a little clear, powerful energy while we were sitting at the table, but after that nothing. I think he still has big power. What about when you sat facing him on the floor? You get anything then?"

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"No. I give him, but he no give me nothing. I get a lot from the ground. Like power growing out of ground at him house. I get a lot from Arabic prayers on walls too. That writing have a lot."

"Same with me. When he touched my arm, he didn't give me anything. Only ran his hands over my arm. No energy."

"I think him and all people there suck our energy," she said.

"What you mean? Like energy vampires?"

"Yeah. Like he getting old and no want to give no more. Only keep for himself and suck another people. He can live longer."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right."

I laid down to rest while Remedia went to shower.

I was just relaxing when I heard someone call my name.

"Who is it?" I really didn't want to get up, but Remedia was still in the bathroom.

"It's me," a man said.

"That doesn't tell me much," I muttered grumpily to myself as I got up and stumbled around our room, blindly searching for my glasses.

It was Yusuf back again.

Just after I went out, a thunder shower came suddenly, drenching everything.

I invited him up to sit on our tiny porch. After a little polite chat he got to the point.

"How much does your bungalow cost a night?" he asked.

"Three hundred baht."

I wasn't offended by his question at all. The price of anything and everything is the standard subject of conversation in Thailand. People trade this information freely because everything has many different prices, depending on how much the seller thinks he can gouge out of the buyer.

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"How much longer will you stay?" Yusuf asked.

"Until Saturday."

"That's fifteen hundred baht. My father asks if you would like to stay in our home until you go. You could have the bedroom in the small house where we had lunch. No one else stays there."

His soft brown eyes were staring directly into mine. Like he was compelling me to accept his father's offer.

I stared back. He was very close. Our knees were touching.

"We're already paid here for tonight," I hedged. "Let me talk about it with Remedia, and we'll tell you tomorrow."

It was a generous offer. The house was beautiful, quiet and private, and I really wanted to learn Muslim customs and energy work. However, I knew Remedia would be very unhappy if we gave up the privacy of our humble little bungalow.

He stayed until the shower ended, trying to convince me with his soft, powerful brown eyes, offers of free food with the family and use of the washing machine.

Remedia hid in the bathroom, only appearing to say goodbye.

"He wanna get us over there so he can suck all our energy," was her assessment.

November 21, 2006

Remedia went shopping in town with Kru Dui right after breakfast. Pit showed up a little later and took me off to her house.

A small, gray-haired Muslim man in his fifties was giving a massage lesson to two young female students in the living room, so Pit dragged me through into the kitchen for a serious talk.

"Richard, I no want say anything bad about anybody, but yesterday when we were sitting around the table at the Imam's house, I got a feeling that he wants

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to steal Remedia away from you. He has big power. You better not go back there."

She shivered and got an attack of goose bumps. All the hair on her arms and neck stood up.

"See?" she said while pointing at the goose bumps. "Something happen, huh?"

I told her about Yusuf's visit and our assessment of the Imam.

"Good. You know already. No let him dress Remedia up and take her picture." She got another attack of goose bumps.

"That means they're married and he can steal her energy. He had two young English teachers working in Viet Nam stay there last year. One from Canada and one from Russia. He tell them same story about half-woman, half-horse he tell Remedia before, and now he has their pictures on his wall. He's done it to other women here too. It's how he gets their energy. Don't eat any food from him. He puts some magic thing in the tea. It makes you do what he wants."

I didn't tell her he had taken Remedia's picture already.

"You stay here today. When Remedia comes back from shopping, I'll go pick her up. My sister knows about this. She says she wants to help you. She wants to give you some energy, then we'll have dinner here, OK?"

When Remedia came, we spent the afternoon watching home movies about a local festival held annually in which Pit's large family of thirteen siblings plays a prominent role. The festival is in honor of the Chinese Goddess of Mercy, Buddhist Bodhisatwa Kwan Yin.

Pit's mother brought her religion with her when she came from China and married a local Thai of Malay descent. They combined the worship of Kwan Yin with the Malay custom of body piercing with large hooks and skewers through their cheeks, back and chest muscles. They hang images of Gods from the hooks piercing their flesh while the devotees march in a trance like state, parading through the streets.

Devotees say the spirit of the Goddess enters them, taking over all functions. After the Goddess leaves, they return to normal with no memory of what transpired.

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I saw no evidence of blood or pain in the movies.

When Remedia examined some of the participants who were watching the movie with us, there were no scars, even though we had plainly seen them skewered in the videos.

They were also fire walking.

Several times Pit pointed to a priestess dressed in ceremonial costume and said, "That's my sister."

I kept an eye on the massage teacher in the living room. He looked like he really knew what he was doing as he showed the young women exactly where to press to restore proper energy flow through muscles and meridian points.

About four o'clock, Pit's sister, Lek, changed into white clothes and put on a ceremonial apron of green silk embroidered with yellow dragons rising up from the bottom and a Taoist pakua over the heart.

Lek set up a small altar with a statue of Kwan Yin on an end table. Then she spread two sheets of paper that were covered with diagrams and calligraphy on the floor.

She drank an herbal mixture and knelt in prayer before her altar.

The spirit entered her very quickly.

She motioned for me to sit on the larger piece of calligraphy covered paper with the smaller piece under my feet. My back was to the altar. My feet pointed straight out the open front door.

She knelt behind me and began massaging my head, then worked her way down my neck, back and legs. She concentrated on opening specific energy channels.

When she finished with my feet, she returned to my neck and began rolling a long, round piece of wood down my back and legs--like a baker working pie dough with a rolling pin.

Going back behind me again, she pressed both palms flat against my back.

I felt the spirit in her begin scanning my body.

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When she found the nest of knots, lumps and blockages filling my abdomen, she stopped scanning, and her chant changed.

I felt a strong, forceful energy enter my back from her hands and start pushing against the first blocks in my upper abdomen.

Up to this time, I had been merely observing with some amusement a strange new ritual being performed. When I felt the powerful energy working in my upper abdomen, I realized something of importance was occurring, and I began helping her actively.

I concentrated on breathing in deeply and blowing out forcefully and loudly, trying to loosen and expel the negative energies, working with the spirit trying so hard to help me.

The first layer cleared, and the energy moved deeper, to the next layer of knots and blocks. This stored negative emotion was tougher, more resistant and stubborn.

I felt her energy stall as she pushed harder.

I began sucking energy in through my crown chakra and pushed on the blocks also. My lower jaw sagged. The jaw muscles began working involuntarily, causing my jaw to tremble violently.

"See! See! The Goddess is working in him!" one of the sisters said excitedly. Her voice was far away. I paid no attention to it.

The layer cleared, and the energy moved into the heart of the problem, around and below my navel.

This time I knew she had reached the limits of her power as she tried to clear these deepest negative issues that had been stuck inside me for more than thirty years. They didn't want to leave their home.

Both of us pushed with all of our power several times in waves of energy that stalled against the blocks.

Finally, on the last push, the Goddess called on all of Lek's strength, and my entire abdomen cleared, sending an immense cloud of black energy down my legs and out of my feet, through the open door.

My body sagged. My abdomen felt completely empty.

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Lek and Remedia helped me to a chair.

Lek's face was drawn and pale with rivulets of sweat running down her cheeks and neck.

She quickly wadded up the papers and spread new ones for Remedia to sit on.

When Remedia was seated, Lek cleared her channels, rolled her with the wooden cylinder and knelt behind her.

Lek abruptly terminated the procedure and motioned for Remedia and I to sit facing her.

I thought that her energy might be finished. It looked like she had used it all on me and had none left for Remedia.

She began giving us instructions and predictions to use as guidance.

"Both people have problems in their stomach. They must stay away from the man who prays with his palms turned up. He wants to steal the woman and break the marriage. These two are a pair like one person in two bodies. They must be careful to never let anything come between them, and they can stay together always."

She looked at me. "You should move from your bungalow. It's very noisy and dirty. You love quiet and meditation. You sleep every night when it gets dark. These people bother you so that you cannot rest properly. You are growing very fast spiritually and will become a great teacher soon. You will gain powers like a God very soon. You should go stay in a temple where you can meditate quietly."

She turned to Remedia. "You always believe anything anyone tells you. You must do your meditation and keep focused on the right path straight in front of you. Don't be turned aside by what others say. Don't go here and there listening to many false teachers. Trust your own meditation. Stay on your own path. Listen to his advice. He's telling you the truth while others are lying to control you."

"I have given both of you much of my power. I need some back. You give me energy now."

She held out a hand for each of us to take.

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I chanted the Moola Mantra. I could feel a hot current of energy flowing down the side of my neck and arm into her. After three times through the mantra, she dropped my hand.

"You gave me a lot. That's Tibet energy," she said.

I have been doing Tibetan Buddhist meditation for many years.

She looked at Remedia's palm. "You spend any money that comes to you quickly for nothing. When it's gone you say, 'Oh! Now I have none left for me!'"

She picked up my hand again. "This one spends only for important things."

We asked a few questions that she answered, and then she said, "I must return now."

Two of her sisters came quickly and held her arms and head.

Her body sagged abruptly, and her sisters lowered her into a chair where they worked quickly with an air of concern to revive Lek's own spirit. When she returned to normal, she went quickly to bathe, change and rest.

Later, Lek and I talked a little while the others prepared dinner.

"You could feel the power, huh?" she asked me.

"Yeah Lek. You got big power. You helped me a lot. You cleaned problems out of me that have been there for thirty years. Thank you so much."

"Many people say I'm crazy," she confided.

"You not crazy. You got a great gift from God. Don't listen to what people say. They don't know about the energy. They can't see it or feel it. Just keep using God's gift to help people. Don't worry too much."

I had three dreams that night.

In the first, I was with a company of Marines assigned to occupy a square in a strange city in a foreign country. We were to hold the square while the local underground forces massed against our small unit. They could then be annihilated by a much larger force of Marines hiding nearby. We were the bait in the trap.

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I was sent on recon dressed in civilian clothes. My scouting mission took me so deep into the city that the distant sounds of my embattled company fighting faded out completely.

When I returned, they were loading our last missile onto the launcher. It was capable of killing many of the enemy, but it was the last one. We needed resupply and reinforcements soon.

I woke up for a toilet break.

After, I settled into a deep meditation inside the gold ball in the center of my brain. I filled both Remedia and I with gold energy before building a protective cocoon of gold around us.

Then I manifested a large knife and scissors and cut all ties from the Imam to us.

As I cut them, I sent them back to him.

The law of rebound states that any energy returned to the sender is trebled in power. I could see him jerking and jumping in agony from the returning negative energy.

When I had all ties severed, I asked Amma to come between us and him and fill everyone with her waves of love.

The next dream took place in the large side yard of the house I grew up in. There were ten or twelve adults of both sexes, all in their thirties or forties, walking around.

I talked to several of them about Bhagavan. Either they weren't interested or they couldn't understand what I was on about.

I called them all together and asked them how many had Reiki empowerments.

All had some and two were Masters.

I began explaining about Bhagavan.

They all became very uneasy. One of the women I had talked to earlier attacked me and began beating me.

I woke up for a second toilet break.

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All the adults in my dream are fully grown personality characteristics of mine. They had all been strongly affected by Reiki.

They were rebellious because Bhagavan's teachings were going to force them to comply with a new order or leave.

I felt that Lek's work had begun the process of eliminating them.

I settled in for more meditation.

This time I was drawn to the white ball. Divine white light began pouring into the top of my head and filling the empty space in my abdomen that Lek had created.

Remedia complained about the high energy level. She couldn't get back to sleep.

I couldn't stop the white light. It was on automatic. It filled my abdomen from my upper diaphragm to the pelvic floor and began coalescing into another ball just like the one in Emptiness!

It became more stable and stronger. I could clearly see the pearl of my life force energy, deep in my lower Tan Tien behind my navel, growing bigger, brighter and more intense.

White light was shining out of me in all directions.

Remedia complained again, this time more grouchily as she turned her back on me, trying to sleep.

I turned the other way, and it wasn't long before I heard snores. I lay there a long while trying intellectually to fit in this new addition to my energy system.

In the last dream, I was at a large open air dinner gathering at an upscale resort. My seat was on a wide balcony that I could reach only after negotiating a very narrow ledge high over the tiles below.

A slightly chubby, older, academic man wearing a bow tie and gold framed glasses sat on my right. On my left was a stern looking woman dressed in a very expensive dark purple suit jacket with matching skirt. She had iron gray hair.

It was a celebratory dinner, and we enjoyed a lively, happy conversation.

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I awoke for a third toilet break, a sure sign of cleansing.

The characters in my final dream represent my new, growing personality.

First light was just visible, and Remedia was complaining so grouchily that I went out to the beach for my morning meditation to let her get some rest.

I was far to energized to go back to bed.

November 22, 2006

Yusuf was our first visitor at seven in the morning.

"Have you eaten breakfast yet?"

"No."

"Good. I've brought you something nice." He handed me a bag of hot roti and milk tea.

"Why thanks a lot Yusuf. You wanna sit and talk?"

"No thanks. I must get back."

Remedia came out and said, "I'm sorry, but we're not going to move. We're gonna stay here."

"It's OK. I wish that you be very happy and content in your hearts." He sped off on his little motorbike.

"Well, that didn't take long. The Imam wants to get his connection to us back," I observed.

"What you mean?"

"Last night I did a meditation to cut all ties that the Imam had to us. I also sent back all his controlling energies. He's trying to get us again. You better give this food away."

"You think he put something in it? Yeah. I have feelings about the tea the other day." She gave the bag of food to the old lady.

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The massage teacher came at ten-thirty. I had just finished my bath and was looking forward to another two hours of writing.

"I thought you were coming at one." I said.

'Yes, yes. That was our arrangement, but I went to teach and there were no students and the house was locked so I came here. I forgot my telephone so I can't call them."

"Well here. Use mine," I said.

After he finished his call, he said, "It's OK. I'll go there tomorrow."

"So you wanna do massage now?"

"Wait! Let me rest first.”

He plunked his bird like little body down in a chair, propped up his feet on the only other one and, rolling a cigarette, began a nonstop gab fest for the next hour.

He paused only to do a beautiful job shaping up my beard and trimming Remedia's long hair.

He proclaimed that he had been a barber for forty years, cut hair in Saudi Arabia, studied massage in Taiwan, had loved and left twenty-one wives, had thirteen children and thirty grandchildren. He was sixty-five.

I got tired of bullshit and cigarette smoke and went in to lie down.

He followed me, and I was forced to listen to him for four more hours to get two hours worth of incredibly good massage.

He knew all the muscles, tendons and points. He soon sussed out exactly what my problem was with walking.

"All your muscles are very hard, knotted and tight. The blood cannot circulate. That’s why you walk like an old man and fall down if you bend your knees to squat. Very soon your legs will be paralyzed."

I knew that. I had already purchased my wheelchair. I had also been praying to God to heal me, asking Bhagavan for help and doing healing sessions on my legs myself.

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"I've seen this problem before. About six massages and I can fix it. You'll be running like a young boy and doing the high kick again."

God sometimes answers our prayers in the most unexpected ways--not at all like our plan for him.

I explained that I had to go to Kanchanaburi for a week, but I would come back for him to work his miracle for me.

Andy came to Coco bar while I was getting my massage.

I was very anxious to find out how he and Nit were doing, but I couldn't interrupt Somchit's work. He finally finished, and was lecturing me on the basics of his Muslim religion, when I saw Andy pulling on his motorcycle boots.

I politely excused myself. I was able to talk with Andy for a couple minutes before he left for a dinner appointment.

"I'm really sorry I couldn't come talk. I've had company all day. How's Nit?" I asked.

"It doesn't look too good." The terrible strain on him was very evident.

"I took her to a Chinese hospital in Petchaburi. It's like you said. There's something inside her. The doctor there has some experience in these things. I saw many people there like her." He was quite sad.

"Can you come by tomorrow and talk?" He was in a hurry, and I didn't want to talk about demons and exorcism in a bar full of German tourists. "I'll tell you what Remedia saw in Nit."

"What about Friday or Saturday?"

"We're going to Ranong Friday to get our visa stamped and on to Kanchanaburi Saturday."

"OK. I'll try to come tomorrow," he said.

I got a blinding headache in the evening that paracetamol couldn't help.

"Something wrong in the room. I can feel it. Something not right. Some bad spirit follow Andy here." Remedia had been complaining since I had returned from talking to him.

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"Get your candle and incense and chase it out of here. Fix it up yourself. I got a terrible headache."

"I'll do it tomorrow." Her feelings were hurt by my grouchiness.

"Do it now so you'll stop complaining about it. Get your holy oil, and put some on your head and mine too."

She did her preparations and began praying for God to remove all bad spirits from us.

Things cleared a little, and I suddenly saw the black spirit with my mind's eye. It was wrapped around the top of my head! No wonder I had a head splitter nothing could cure!

It was shaped like a flat piece of cloth and could bend itself to fit any body part snugly. That's why I hadn't been able to find it in Nit. I had been looking for a demon with a three dimensional body.

Remedia was still praying to send it to the far side of the universe. I could hear the fear and urgency in her voice.

I started helping her.

"Dear God, thank you for being here with us. Please fill us both with your divine white light. Send it into our heads and fill our entire bodies. Mmmmmm. Thank you. Thank you God. Thank you. Send your Holy Spirit to fill our little room. Fill it completely with your love. Thank you... Thank you so much."

We were full of God's love, and the room was clear.

I was ready to go after the spirit.

"God we're having trouble with a bad spirit. Please send your love energy, the most powerful force in the universe, to transform it. Transform its negative energies of anger, sadness and fear into happy peacefulness with your love."

I received a strong vision of the white ball floating in Emptiness. I visualized a powerful beam of God's love coming from the depths of it and striking the blackness of the spirit.

As God's love began transforming the spirit, it became lighter and lighter.

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I held the visualization and kept praying and thanking God until it was completely changed into peaceful happiness.

It floated away.

I knew it would never harm anyone again.

Shifting my attention to Nit's astral form, I sent God's healing love into her. This time it filled her completely and remained there. I used it to strengthen her pearl of life force energy.

"Thank you dear God. Thank you so much. You've helped us all immensely. We're very grateful for your love. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

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Chapter Three

Krishna Kantha Opens My Mind

Nothing to do or undo,

nothing to force,

nothing to want

and nothing missing.

Emaho! Marvelous!

Everything happens by itself.

Lama Gendun Rinpoche

November 26, 2006

Jazz's house

Soi 4 Ekami, Bangkok

Thailand

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After meeting Krishna at his hotel for a quick hot drink, we went to Jazz's house about nine in the morning.

Krishna had two young students from the Moscow International Film School with him. They had just spent a week together at his hometown in Esarn, Northeastern Thailand, shooting a documentary about his life.

The Russian students said they had chosen Krishna because he is a living example of self sacrifice and charity in action. This Deeksha session would be their last day of shooting.

When I walked in the door of Jazz's home, the first person I saw was an elderly Japanese gentleman exuding an air of gentle kindness that held no expectation.

When I was introduced to him, I learned that he was a Sensei, or Japanese doctor. When we shook hands, he immediately noticed my paralysis and began a thorough examination of my left arm.

He showed Remedia how to circulate Chi Gong energy through it and advised soaking it in alternating baths of hot and cold water, then placing hot stones wrapped in cloth on it.

We then separated to mingle with the other twenty or so people present.

They were a very international, well educated group. Many of them were women from England teaching at the International School were Jazz worked also.

Thailand was represented by a well known Thai writer who had been educated in the States and Krishna's manager, Khun Areetanya (Mrs. Lee), a fiftyish Thai business woman.

Another Japanese man in his forties was working as a factory manager in Chon Buri for a Japanese company. He had worked in the Philippines for seven years, spoke fluent Tagalog and had an excellent sense of humor. He and Remedia got on great.

I enjoyed talking with Sam, a retired English music producer who had been pronounced clinically dead three times, had a pacemaker and a steel hip and cheerfully sang snatches of rock and roll ballads in a deep, rich voice. He had just finished producing a CD of Krishna playing his singing bowls.

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Remedia was the only Filipina, and I was the lone American.

The young Russian couple fit right in with their cameras and interviews.

I asked Jazz if I could lay down when we were called to sit in front of Krishna's singing bowls.

She kindly brought me an exercise mat.

When the Sensei saw me lay down, he moved over to sit beside me and, placing both hands on me, began circulating energy through my paralyzed arm.

Remedia sat with one hand on my leg. Later she told me that she too had gotten full of the Chi coming from him just by touching me.

After Krishna played the bowls for everyone, the four Deeksha givers present began giving energy.

Each person present got a turn with each of the four Deeksha givers.

The four turned out to be Krishna, Khun Areetanya, Jazz and the Sensei, who was by far the most powerful person present. He said he had been practicing for thirty years.

Receiving Deeksha from these four people was the purpose of our gathering.

Remedia and I were fulfilling a Oneness University requirement for us to receive energy from several givers to broaden our energy experience. Each giver possessed a different feeling energy.

After we all had our turn receiving Deeksha, the Sensei asked me to lay down in the center of the room and for everyone to gather around and circulate energy through me. I was to receive energy from four Deeksha givers and everyone else in the room at the same time!

First he had everyone turn their palms down and hold them about two feet above my body while giving me energy. Then he had them all fling energy off their fingertips into me by shaking their hands above me.

The preliminaries over, he asked everyone to touch me and send energy.

I was soon full.

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The energy began circulating back to them. It went up from the front of my chakras into the tops of their heads. It then flowed back through their hands to me, forming a circle of ever increasing power and intensity.

Quite quickly, I was floating in a very powerful energy field.

The Sensei had positioned himself at my head. He did some very special work in my crown and heart chakras for what seemed like a long time.

Afterwards several people said that they had received much more energy than they had given.

I feel like the Sensei raised my entire level of strength.

I also feel much more normal –like I’m going to be able to be active far longer while requiring less sleep.

Remedia says my energy is no longer heaty.

It is now balanced, and I can give others healing without burning or hurting them.

November 28, 2006

Ban Thor Phan

Kanchanaburi Province

Thailand

We're back with the orphans for seven more days beginning with our arrival yesterday.

This morning we received another Deeksha empowerment from Krishna.

"What did you feel or see in your mind?" he asked afterwards.

I remained silent. I was very hesitant to tell the best teacher I'd ever had that I had felt nothing. It would be like saying that his empowerment was worthless.

"Did you hear me?" he cupped a hand behind his ear. "What happened?"

"I don't want to tell you," I blurted out.

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"What!...OK."

I could see his hurt.

"Nothing. I felt nothing," I finally shared.

"Nothing is good." He felt a little better at my honest sharing.

Remedia and I ate lunch and took a nap.

I felt something nagging my mind and went out to sit on the balcony. I tried empty mind meditation, but I couldn't hold it. Thoughts kept intruding.

I could see that I try to control everyone around me by pushing energy out from the front part of my brain through my Third Eye. If they don't do as I want, I become angry and use the anger to force them.

If they still don't behave as I want them to, I start a big fight with them and use it as an excuse to cut off all further contact with them. I learned this controlling behavior from my mother when I was still in her womb.

What I should be doing is allowing divine white light to enter my crown chakra and energize my heart, then send out waves of empowering love energy for everyone around me to use according to their free will without forceful interference from me.

Later, about four-thirty, I felt a lot of pressure up building inside. I knew I needed a walk in Krishna's beautiful gardens.

I found a quiet spot by a pond and went into meditation.

After a short time, I saw an empty black hole, or tunnel, high in the center of my brain. I focused my attention in it while the physical world faded. It became dark indigo and was filled with very fine, dense energy swirling and moving. As I remained centered in it, it began growing.

I felt immense pressure and a heavy dull pain in my brain, but I stayed with the growing indigo space.

Suddenly the pressure released and faded.

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I felt like something had been born in my mind. It continued expanding until my entire brain was transformed.

I relaxed and let go of the meditation.

After a few minutes rest, I went back to look again. The indigo was gone. My entire brain was filled with a very fine vibration of gold tinged white energy.

Very nice.

I related the day's happenings to Krishna before the evening session.

"You have received the entire seven day teaching," he told me.

My mind raced to grasp the implications. "You mean I got it all?"

It's the second day. I've got it all; there is no more. My mind struggled with the idea.

"You mean I'm finished? I can go home?"

"Yes. That's the whole seven day teaching."

"Well if that's the whole seven day teaching, and I've got it all on day two, how much more am I going to learn in the next five days, and what will it be?"

"Bhagavan is giving you great blessings." Krishna gave me one of his normally cryptic answers.

We talked a little more about the possibility of me doing the twenty-one day process here instead of going to India, then went on to do chakra dhyana (raise the Kundalini) and receive Deeksha.

Before we left Krishna advised us to be aware of our dreams in the coming night.

"Drink a lot of water before going to bed," he instructed us.

"But he'll be going pee all night," Remedia complained.

"That's alright. It's cleansing."

I woke up shortly after midnight to pee the first time. My last dream was still fresh and clear.

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I had dreamed about the tamarind orchard that At, my first wife, and I had planted many years before.

I loved the orchard very much.

I was working with a crew to cut the twelve foot tall elephant grass in the fall before it could dry out and become a fire hazard in the coming dry season.

The harvest would not be very good. Only a few trees bore good loads of fruit.

I had just sold the orchard, and the crew was sad because the next crop would be excellent, but they wouldn't get to share in it.

I told them not to worry and to go sit under the few trees that bore good fruit, enjoy it and be happy.

When I went back to bed, I chanted the Moola Mantra and asked Bhagavan to give me the twenty-one day process right here and now. I asked for as much energy as I could bear. I wanted to be stretched to my limit to absorb Deeksha.

Less than an hour later a small voice interrupted my meditation.

"Go sit outside on the balcony."

I ignored it. My bed was warm; the balcony was cold. I was enjoying exploring the new energies in my heart and head.

"Go sit outside on the balcony." I kept ignoring it, but it kept getting louder.

Then I received a big shot of Deeksha powerful enough to cause most of the muscles in my body to spasm.

That got my attention.

When it had passed, and the voice came again, I quickly but quietly got out of bed and made my way slowly across the dark room and out to my favorite chair in the corner of the balcony.

Over the next hour and a half, I received eight more Deeksha transmissions. Each one was a finer, more subtle, higher vibration of energy than the last.

I was given a rest period between each transmission. Bhagavan appeared during each rest period as an energy being shining with a silverish white aura

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dressed in his formal priestly garb. Sometimes he was silent; sometimes he spoke to me mind to mind.

He told me not to be too concerned about the current seven day process or the twenty-one day process. He said that I was currently undergoing a much more important awakening process that he and Amma were conducting just for me.

November 28, 2006

A quiet day.

We received Deeksha morning and evening.

In the evening session Krishna played his singing bowls and transmitted the Deeksha simultaneously, allowing the vibrations of the bowls to carry the transmission into us.

I understood and received it easily because I use the same method while chanting mantras and banging my gong on the street.

While the vibrations carried the energy through me, I felt my long dead heart begin to open and heal. The sensation increased until it felt like there was a love generator in my chest pouring out love that flowed throughout my body and poured out of me to anyone needing it (which is just about everyone).

During the night I was able to see, forgive and heal all my relationships with relatives both living and dead.

My dead brother Darrell was easy. He is always nearby me.

Dad was a little farther away, but he came quickly and easily.

Both forgave me for failing to help them more with their lives, accepted my forgiveness and were happy to be filled up with Amma's love.

My dead sister Charity was more difficult.

I searched a long while for her.

I finally found her in a very dark space in one of the lower astral planes.

Buddhists call this the freezing hell.

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She was curled into a fetal position frozen in a square block of clear ice. She was trapped by her unbearable sadness and cold anger over the uselessness of her life and her death from alcoholism and liver failure at only thirty-six.

She was also very upset over my failure to help her more.

Charity blamed me for At stealing the gold from her that she had stolen from Polish gangsters in Bangkok long ago.

It took a long time and all of God's white light and Amma's love that I could call on to free her.

It took even longer to clear the negative emotions from her.

At first she didn't want to come with me, but I was able to convince her to come up to this world, to where Dad and Darrell are still hanging around.

The three of us gathered around her and had a group hug with her in the center. We poured love and healing into her.

Afterwards, she still looked pale and weak. She said she wanted to go away.

I told her that she is completely free to do anything she wants, but she's always welcome to come back and be with the three of us.

She disappeared into the distance.

A while later she was back.

She stays a little behind and between Darrell and Dad and is still quite weak. She's going to take a lot of time and healing love before she's ready to move on.

November 29, 2006

Another quiet day for me. I seem to have gotten past cleansing out negative emotions and experiences, entering a new space of love and happiness.

Remedia's having a more difficult time. She's still cleansing and having trouble with sleeping and with the vegetarian diet.

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Krishna is grouchy and irritable. It's the first time since his wife was in hospital that I've seen him other than joyful.

He fell down about a week ago. His elbow still hurts, and his shoulder girdle has seized up, sending bad pains up his neck. Remedia and I offered to work on him, but he said a Thai masseuse is coming to work on it.

I think today's and yesterday's Deeksha empowerments were to fill us with AmmaBhagavan's love and spirituality. I now feel like each of my three Tan Tiens is filled with a different, extremely powerful energy.

My Upper Tan Tien inside my skull contains Bhagavan's clear, high spirituality. I know I can use this energy to clear the minds of others and raise their consciousness level.

The Middle Tan Tien in my chest holds Amma and her love. I use this to fill others with love.

My Lower Tan Tien, below and behind my navel, contains an immensely powerful ball of white light connected to and very similar to the one in Emptiness above. This is my power source and guides me instinctively down the correct path.

During the day, I read “Satsang” by the Oneness Movement while sitting on the balcony. I learned how to connect to AmmaBhagavan through chanting the Moola Mantra twenty-one times, then praying for anything I want in an attitude of grateful surrender.

I asked for a complete healing of my body. Immediately.

The energy came. Immediately. The first wave was so powerful that I knew I had to get to the bed quickly.

Krishna's daughter came in unexpectedly with a case of milk and a bag of bread. It took a couple of minutes to deal with her politely. I hoped I wouldn't lose the energy connection.

I didn't. It kept coming while Remedia put me under the mosquito net and covered my legs with a blanket.

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I could see that she knew something dramatic was happening to me, but she said nothing to interrupt. She only worked quickly to care for me, then left me alone.

The next wave of energy hit me.

I had never experienced anything as strong before.

My jaw muscles convulsed so violently and quickly that my teeth chattered. A terribly hot, burning sensation filled the base of my skull and back of my neck ear to ear. I could feel the energy working between the vertebrae in my neck.

My entire body filled with energy while my mind struggled to comprehend what was happening to me.

The energy passed and I rested.

The next wave attacked my upper abdomen violently. It wasn't quite as strong. My jaw quivered without causing my teeth to chatter. Hot energy worked for a long while deep inside me, all the way across the area between my lower ribs and navel. My abdominal muscles convulsed, twitching and jerking, interfering with my breathing. I gasped for air until they calmed.

After another rest, my sacrum and lower abdomen were next. My sacrum pounded with a heavy dull pain. When it peaked and lessened, I could feel many different pains in my lower abdomen and groin. One came next to the base of my penis that was so piercing that I lifted my knees in agony.

I got another rest.

The last big wave went through my legs, causing them to jerk and kick violently.

After it was gone, energy kept coming in successively smaller surges.

I tried to channel some of it down my paralyzed left arm, but it wouldn't go. I couldn't understand why. I had specifically requested healing for it in my prayer, and I had visualized it well and whole.

I slept very well. I felt like I was cradled in warm love all night.

November 30, 2006

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I checked out my body as soon as I woke up. The left arm was still paralyzed. The hernia was still there in my groin. No new right arm. I still had trouble walking.

Disappointment hit me.

I had expected major changes after the intensity of last night's healing energy session.

It was four-thirty. I put aside wondering about it and went ahead with morning meditation, a bath and preparations for morning Deeksha at six.

Paul Smith kept coming into my mind while I was writing later in the day. He and Kelly, his beautiful, blond, seventeen year-old girlfriend, were murdered by the Mexican Mafia along with four other people while they were trying to buy a ton and a half of marijuana in Mexico thirty years ago. Their bodies were put in a van, set afire and pushed over a cliff.

When I laid down for a break from writing, he came back, calling me insistently.

I found him easily in one of the burning hells. He was naked, chained by the wrists between two heavy posts. His flesh was constantly burning but never consumed.

Paul was in great agony.

Kelly was naked on the burning ground, laying curled up on her side to his right and behind him. A heavy iron collar and chain bound her to his waist. She was trapped with him by her worshipful attachment to him that she had developed in physical life.

"Freeee meee Richard!!!" he howled as soon as he saw me.

I desired greatly to help my old friend, but I didn't know how to proceed in hell.

I thought of asking AmmaBhagavan what to do.

I had only formed the first two words of my prayer to them when Paul suddenly shot straight up out of his body in a flash of silver light.

He was followed closely by Kelly.

They disappeared quickly above me.

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Their empty bodies collapsed like deflated balloons and lay on the burning ground.

I was bewildered. I hadn't done anything. They had disappeared so fast that I was shocked.

I started to leave when another form caught my attention.

It was Doug, son of a California Italian Mafia Capo. He had been killed along with Paul.

Nearby was Pablo, who had been Paul's Mexican connection.

I felt little for either of them, and I almost left them there, but something made me turn back. I couldn't leave anyone in a place like that.

I sent waves of Amma's love. As soon as it touched them, they both shot straight up like Paul and Kelly had.

I went back to writing.

During my next break from writing, thoughts of Paul and Kelly intruded on my empty mind meditation.

When I looked for them, they were floating hand in hand in a space beautifully lit by colors we have never seen in this world. They both had new, healthy bodies and huge grins. They were filled with joyful bliss over their new freedom.

"Thank you Richard. Thank you so very much. May all the blessings of heaven rain down on you forever," Paul said.

Tears filled my eyes, and one rolled down my cheek into my whiskers. I felt so happy for my old friends. I knew that some great good fortune would be coming from them to me soon.

"Thank you AmmaBhagavan. Thank you AmmaBhagavan. Thank you AmmaBhagavan," I said.

We settled in to bed about eight o'clock that evening.

I had been running constantly for more than fifteen hours with only a couple short rest breaks. I had attended two Deeksha sessions, done healing,

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meditation and hours of writing --all while on a total fast with none of my usual high-power health supplements.

Only a month ago I had been exhausted after four hours of activity, five absolute tops.

I guess a major change has taken place in my body. It just hasn't been any of the obvious ones I had been expecting.

I slept poorly and woke up before two.

My mind was very busy from all the writing and activity the day before. I kept pulling it back into empty mind meditation, but was three-thirty before it cleared and I could hold Emptiness as long as I desired.

Remedia took me out to the balcony and settled me in a chair wrapped in blankets.

I chanted the Moola Mantra twenty-one times and prayed for a complete healing and removal of all negative energies for Remedia. Then I got the new love generator going in my chest.

Amma appeared clearly in my heart. She's taken up residence there while Bhagavan lives in my head.

I filled all my dead relatives up with love, paying particular attention to Charity. Then I worked on Remedia.

An impulse came to send love to Krishna. He was delighted to receive it from me. His astral body came into clear focus.

He is beautiful!

His body is an egg shaped sphere of light gold surrounded by a huge white aura. I marveled at what a lovely person he is.

Then I saw myself.

I was astounded!

My body was the same shape as Krishna's, but much larger and dark gold. My white aura was a lot smaller than his and not as bright. I could see clearly that I

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possess immense powers, but have not yet begun to use them like Krishna is using his.

He has already seen all of this.

That’s why he told me that maybe I would become a more powerful teacher than he is. It was what Remedia had seen when she said that I was one of The Three Immortals of Chinese Taoism come to live on this world as a cripple and help others.

I sat thinking about the implications until I roused myself to practice Kundalini Dhyana.

As I chanted my way through the chakras, I realized how much more comfortable I was doing it alone and how much greater the energies were than when I did it with a CD or with others. I could concentrate fully.

After absorbing the Kundalini energy, I went back to bed.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you about being one of The Three Immortals. I know it hurt your feelings. It just seemed too fantastic to be real. I saw what I am. I believe you now."

"Yeah. I came with you to help you and take care of you."

"What about Eric? Is he one of the Immortals too?" Eric is a fellow busker who learned Reiki with us.

"No. Eric different God. From the sea. He love water."

"You mean like Poseidon."

December 1, 2006

At seven we met in the kitchen to break our fast of forty-three hours. We got heavily salted lemon water and half a banana.

About ten, Krishna came over to Global House and called upstairs to ask if our bowels had cleaned out enough for us to come down to the meditation room.

They had, and we did.

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He seemed very happy and excited about something. We talked a little about fasting and health, then he said he had a message for me. He began by telling me about it obliquely.

"Do you know about this woman from Viet Nam who crossed over into China and became a devotee of Kwan Yin?"

"No." I didn't help him much.

"Yes, well. She became a practitioner and started doing healings and things. She came to Phuket in Southern Thailand, and fifty thousand people came to see her. All the hotels were full and the government had to be responsible and set up public toilets because there were so many people. Maybe you will be like her."

He had my attention now, but what was he talking about? Fifty thousand people?

"Or that man in Chang Mai. What's his name? The one with the health resort," Krishna asked.

"Oh! Mantak Chia. The Chi Gong teacher."

"He look like you! He's Thai," Remedia said.

"Thai-Chinese," I added.

"Maybe you're going to be like him."

Mantak Chia?

Remedia and I had spent three weeks at Tao Garden, his health resort, six years previously. It sits on over two hundred acres of beautiful land in Doi Saket and is world famous. It costs a hundred dollars per day per person to stay there.

Master Chia financed it by writing about thirty books on Chi Gong energy work. He travels around the world twice a year, giving mass teachings in many countries and heads a worldwide organization.

"I'm gonna be like Mantak Chia or this other Vietnamese woman you're talking about?" I was pretty skeptical.

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"Maybe. My teacher called me from India this morning. I talked to him just now. He gave me a message about you. He said to leave you alone with your writing. Don't try to stop you so that your mind will be more quiet to receive the Deeksha. This book you're writing is too important. He said you're writing is very good. He's read some of it and says it's very important to Deeksha."

"Richard writing very good. Sometime he read me some. It straight to heart," Remedia cut in.

"Wait a minute. He's in India, and I'm here. You mean he can watch me and read my writing from India?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Uh-huh."

I believed him about his teacher's psychic abilities, but I wasn't sure I liked the idea of someone watching me in my private room and reading my writing.

"He said this book will be very important in the future because it tells the story about how you are going from being an ordinary person to becoming a great teacher. Many people will read it and come to Deeksha because of it. He said you will make your living writing about spiritual things. He also said that it's very important for you to go to India to meet AmmaBhagavan soon while there's still time. You must meet them personally so that your writing about them will be truly inspired. I hope you can go to India soon."

"If you want me to go to India, you better do a little more than hope. You better talk to Bhagavan."

"I pray for you and many people every night."

I just looked at him.

"I talked to Mrs. Lee, my manager in Bangkok. She informed me that after the workshop last Sunday, two of the women there, one Thai and one foreigner, prayed to Bhagavan for jobs and got good ones that day. Everyone wants to do another workshop on the seventh."

"I found a page in that book you gave me to read, "Satsang", that gave an outline on how to pray. I tried it. I asked for a complete healing of my body. Immediately. I got huge energy immediately. So much that I had lay down to

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handle it. It flooded my whole body but wouldn't go down my paralyzed arm. I specifically asked for the arm to be healed, and I tried to send the healing energy down the arm. It wouldn't go. Why?"

"The rest of your body needs energy really bad. The arm's not important," Remedia said.

"Maybe it's not time yet. Maybe you have to burn off some Karma first," Krishna added.

"You mean bad Karma is stopping the good energy from healing my arm?"

"Something like that," he replied.

At eight-fifteen that evening, we went out to perform a ritual Krishna had prepared.

"What's going to happen?" I asked.

For once Krishna gave me a real answer.

"All my children will get around you and Remedia in a big circle. We'll send a balloon up into the sky. You and Remedia should send all your bad Karma up from your feet and out your head with the balloon, and then receive the grace of AmmaBhagavan. You must write your wish and the names of the people you love most on the balloon."

I thought about it. I needed a little more clarity.

"So we'll use the pure, clean, love and happiness energy from the children to power the ritual. Our love for our closest family will power the wish and make it come true. The rising balloon will carry away the bad Karma and carry the wish to the Gods. AmmaBhagavan's grace will make it all possible, and their love will replace the bad Karma."

"That's right," Krishna affirmed.

The ritual was beautiful.

We performed it on a patio in a circle under a three-quarter moon.

Remedia, Krishna and I wore white.

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Each of the nearly twenty children and six adults present held a lit candle as they stood in a circle around us, singing songs and chanting.

The two youngest children came and lit the fire under the balloon to make it rise.

It went up straight and true.

The fire burning inside it lit the white outer skin so that we could see it rising up to the stars with the moon beside it. It kept going until the trees blocked it from our sight.

I felt/saw black, granular energy releasing from my feet first, then my legs and the rest of my body, going up and out the top of my head.

Each child came and stood before Remedia and I, waing (Thai gesture of respect) us while they each made a wish for us. They were lovely as they stood there with their heads bowed and their fingertips tucked under their chins with the palms and extended fingers pressed together in the prayer-like gesture.

Most of them wished for good luck for us. Three wished that it would always be easy for us to get money. One wished that we would have a happy family, and another wanted us to always stay together.

Remedia and I wished for a lifetime of happiness, success and good fortune for all the children, and we were finished.

I dreamed I was in a small village where everyone knew and loved me. All the people greeted me happily as I walked.

I soon came to another village where I was not so well known. I met a man who was not good and we started drinking beer. I got a little drunk, got in my car and drove off.

The police caught me and took me to the station. The Sheriff's secretary said, "You again? You're drunk. You'll have to see the Sheriff."

"That's alright. He's my good friend. I need to pee really bad."

"You're under arrest. I'll have to go with you."

The toilet had a big stool in it. We both tried to flush it, but the handle was broken. I peed on the stool while she watched.

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The Sheriff was waiting outside the toilet. He was short and fat with a pot belly just like Archie Bunker.

"Hi. It's my good friend the Sheriff. How's it goin' Sheriff?"

"You're drunk."

"Not too drunk. I'm OK." I smiled, happy to see him as I staggered a little.

"You gotta stop doin' this. You're drinking too much. Come on. Let's get outta here."

We went to a small, open air, grass roofed restaurant.

"Look. If you wanna drink, come get me. I'll go drink with you. But not too often. Once every two or three days is enough," my good friend the Sheriff said.

The scene shifted to another person's point of view.

I became a man walking from the rear of the restaurant out towards the street.

As I passed by the table where the Sheriff sat talking with my good friend, I slowed a little and gave him an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder, showing my love and concern for him.

Out on the street I found myself in a small fishing town with fishing boats tied to wharves on the other side of the street. I could hear the cries of gulls and see them coasting overhead. The air smelled of sea and fish.

As I picked my way over the nets strewn on the street, two young boys passed by carrying a large bucket containing many different fish that they had caught.

"Hey Mister! You wanna buy some fish?"

"Yeah. I'll buy one."

"How about the whole bucket? We wanna sell 'em all."

"What am I gonna do with a bucket full of fish? I can only eat one."

"They only cost two hundred."

"How about a hundred?"

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"One fifty."

"OK, but I'll have to ask my wife first."

The kids looked around. We were alone on the street. "Where is she?"

"She's in the next house up." I pointed at a dingy, small white house just down the street on our side. It had a rocky, graveled yard with no fence or sidewalk, typical of the homes in our remote fishing town perched between the mountains and the sea.

Remedia looked the fish over. There were many kinds. "I like the red ones. They're really good," she said.

A woman stopped by and wanted a fish.

Remedia said she could have one.

She took the best red one on top of the bucket.

The boys wanted some too.

Remedia said, "OK."

They dumped about half the bucket on the ground and sorted out four or five red ones, leaving only one red one and some not so good white ones.

"Hey! You're taking all the best ones," I complained.

"It's OK honey," Remedia said.

"Look Mister," one of the boys said while moving around the fish that remained in the bucket. He uncovered a large ugly looking fish with an enormous head.

"That's a really good fish. It's the best one in the bucket," Remedia said.

When we got home, Remedia took the red fish out of the bucket and put it on the block to clean. It had gotten bigger. The boys had cut it down its length to make it easier for her, but her knife was too small, and she had trouble finishing the cut. The flesh on the fish kept growing, getting bigger and giving us more.

I woke up and asked Remedia what my dream meant. I had a feeling that it spanned my whole life.

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"Were the fish dead or alive?"

"Dead," I replied with a little trepidation.

"It means the hard work and bad times in your life are going away. Everything start getting better. You gonna have a lot."

December 2, 2006

We received our last Deeksha empowerment in the morning.

First we did Kundalini Dhyana together. Then Krishna put on a meditation CD with crystal bowls playing and left. The tiny speakers in his laptop couldn't reproduce the finer vibrations at all.

We found ourselves listening mostly to the blank spaces between the deeper vibrations.

A bee as big as Remedia's fist buzzed in, and we lost interest in the CD and started talking. Krishna must have felt that something was wrong with his students. He showed up shortly.

"A bee big like that just came in and buzzed around the room. He fly out that way." Remedia waved her still clenched fist at an open window.

"I've never seen a bee that big here," Krishna said.

I had never seen a bee that big anywhere.

"Finish listening to the CD, then take a quiet, relaxing walk in the garden."

"The speakers on the computer aren't good enough to reproduce the vibrations of the crystal bowls. We're not getting anything out of this," I told him straightforwardly.

"I got some energy. A little bit," put in Remedia, trying to avoid a confrontation.

He looked at us for a minute, considering. "Take a break for breakfast. Take a long walk in the garden. Be with Nature. Get really relaxed. Meet back here at ten-fifteen."

I took a walk and sat on various benches and chairs.

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Remedia cleaned the meditation room.

That's as close to Nature as she wanted to get. She grew up on a tropical island in a Nipa hut with giant centipedes, scorpions, rats and snakes eating each other and being eaten in the leaf walls and grass roof.

She knew all about Nature.

A stinging fly bit me on the neck.

Biting ants attacked my bare foot and ankle.

A mosquito sucked blood out of my shaved head.

I moved after each attack, but something else always found me quickly. Nature is efficient.

I began reflecting on all the stinging, biting, poisonous creatures that were thriving in the jungle all around us. Ants of a thousand kinds covered every inch of ground and canopy, devouring anything that paused for more than a few seconds. Biting, disease carrying insects filled the air. Tigers and crocodiles waited to eat me alive. Poisonous snakes could kill me before I could walk to the next tree, let alone out of the jungle to a hospital.

People living in their sterile cement caves high above their cities watching Animal Planet on their LCD TVs thought Nature was Bambi frolicking in a grassy meadow. Let them come out here and curl up under a tree for the night.

I figured that there were some very good reasons why men built houses. I chuckled to myself as I thought about how horrified Krishna would be if I told him to spray some DDT on all his beloved insects and then to hose down the encroaching jungle with weed killer so that he could live in a poisoned desert like everyone else.

Then I thought about what keeps us alive in the deadly environment that we thrive in. It's only two things. Our brains and our spirituality. We've definitely overused our brains and underused our spirituality.

Our brains have built us a lot of protection that we don't need as much as we think we do.

Our spirituality is perfectly capable of calming our minds and emotions enough to communicate our non aggression to a poisonous snake slithering across our

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laps so that it's not threatened and won't bite. We can consciously activate our immune systems to destroy any invasive bacteria or virus by using our minds to work with the energies already present in our bodies.

We desperately need to find a balance between brain and spirit. Maybe I can find it in Bhagavan's Oneness teachings.

At ten-fifteen Krishna said, "I really want you to have a very strong connection to AmmaBhagavan. I'm going to play the crystal bowls for you then give you the Deeksha."

I relaxed into the vibrations and found empty mind.

Krishna played a long time.

My mind saw a shaft of white light open the length of my body. I felt it raise an important vibration in me to a higher level.

December 3, 2006

We did our summary. Krishna finally explained what the nine Deeksha empowerments were that I had received from Bhagavan in the middle of the night a few days ago. They were exactly what I thought they were. I had discounted my belief because it seemed too fantastic to be true.

I must start trusting myself more.

Bhagavan gave me nine of the twelve levels of the process of becoming Enlightened.

1. Understanding the purpose of our existence.

2. Seeing the suffering of others.

3. Removing the suffering of others.

4. Finding passion, peace and love.

5. Immediate conversion of negative energies received from other people to positive energies.

6. Open the Third Eye.

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7. Experience God's bliss.

8. See and connect to divine white light--the white ball floating in Emptiness that is God.

9. Realizing that you are God by being transformed into white light through using your divine white light connection.

While Krishna was explaining the levels to me in more detail, he was looking directly into my eyes.

I could feel something being transmitted from him to me. I tried to keep eye contact as much as possible while I received it and wondered what I was feeling.

"I won't ask you what the other three levels are." I knew it would be useless to ask.

"No. You must realize them for yourself. They will come when you are not expecting them." He smiled strangely as he said this while still looking into my eyes.

During the night, I got up to do my usual two o'clock meditation. I began by chanting the Moola Mantra twenty-one times. As I was finishing, chanting "Om shanti shanti shanti" at the end, my mind was drawn to the concept of Oneness.

As I considered Oneness, a vast vision slowly unfolded piece by piece in front of my open eyes.

I saw everyone and everything in the entire universe, people, trees, rocks, insects, stars, the spaces between stars, God, the Buddhas, myself and anything else my mind touched as being a unified part of one living energy field.

Everything is part of one living, intelligent organism.

Different parts of the universal organism contain different energies of differing strengths and vibrational levels that make them unique beings, but none are separate from the whole, living, consciously intelligent being. All is ONE.

This is what Bhagavan's Oneness University and the concept of Oneness is all about. Bhagavan's gift to all humans on the planet is nothing less than the process of becoming Enlightened.

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My vision of Oneness was the first awareness of the energy field that a complete knowing of is a very important step towards the full realization of a Buddha, or what everyone commonly thinks of as Enlightenment.

The process of becoming Enlightened begins with realizing the Unified Field of Consciousness, and then living and working in that field until it is completely known and mastered.

When we can go beyond the field to the next two levels, we attain complete realization. We become Buddhas.

We are extremely fortunate that Bhagavan loves us so much that we don't have to sit in a monastery meditating for thirty or forty years in search of a nebulous “something” that we may realize only after several additional lifetimes.

Through Bhagavan's grace we can have our first experience of Oneness right now, right here, simply by asking him for it in an attitude of complete, helpless surrender and deep, heartfelt gratitude for Bhagavan's gift.

What a sneaky, wonderful person my teacher, Krishna Kantha, is. He gave me another level without saying anything. Then he left me to discover it for myself.

I couldn't help sharing my wonderful new gift with Remedia. When I told her about it she said, "Oh, I have that a long time already."

"You did not!"

"Yeah, I do. I got it at that temple in Chang Mai.'

"You mean that one in Chang Rai? The one we went to with At?"

"Yeah. That one."

"There was a lot going on there with At being sick with dengue. I didn't realize anything happened to you."

"I no say nothing because when we stayed in that other temple they told us not to talk about our meditation because other people maybe get jealous. I get when I do my Anapanasati."

"You always get everything before me," I complained.

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The next morning, Monday, I heard Krishna and Remedia talking downstairs at seven. I went down, and Krishna was packing his crystal bowls to take to Bangkok.

"Good morning, Teacher. Do you remember yesterday when you were explaining the nine levels of Enlightenment to me that I already have, but you wouldn't tell me the last three? Ten, eleven and twelve. You looked into my eyes and sent me some energy."

He started laughing.

"You know what's coming don't you. You know what I'm going to say, don't you?"

He laughed harder.

"Last night I experienced Oneness. The whole universe and everything in it is one united field of living energy. What level is that?"

"Find out for yourself," he chuckled.

Krishna has been sick this whole last week.

When we arrived here last Sunday night, he sent his oldest daughter, Wan Na, over to Global House to tell us that our usual class time of six in the morning had been changed to nine because of the long, tiring journey from Bangkok. I had wondered at this abnormal change. He's usually up before everyone, banging his drums and singing.

On Monday he said to Remedia in the kitchen, "Bhagavan's given me a bad pain in my shoulder so that I can experience a little of what Richard feels all the time."

When Remedia told me I said, "He was just joking with you."

She got upset because I didn't take her seriously.

Tuesday I saw him twisting his neck and grabbing the back of his shoulder like something was causing him a lot of pain.

"Your shoulder really does hurt, huh? You should let Remedia massage it."

"It'll be OK."

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I said no more. He had a number one healer in his house, but if he chose not to use her, that was his problem. Suffer on brother.

The next day he started doing Kundalini Dyana with us, but he couldn't finish the first chakra before his pain drove him outside to sit alone in misery until we finished.

"You should let Remedia massage that shoulder."

"Never mind Richard," he said grumpily. "I have a Thai massage man coming."

I got the distinct feeling that we were the students and were to be helped by him the teacher. We couldn't possibly help him.

Thursday morning I asked, "How was your Thai massage?"

"Terrible. I had to stop him. He didn't know the nerves. All he knew was push hard. He hurt me bad. I didn't sleep all night."

I got serious. "Krishna, Remedia has a special, magical healing energy that comes out of her fingers. You really should let her work on you. She won't push too hard, and she won't hurt you."

"Alright," he agreed. He was worn down by his unrelenting pain and sleeplessness.

Remedia worked on him for nearly three hours. The next day he looked a little better.

"I slept good all night," he said.

"How's the shoulder?"

"It still has a lot of pain."

"You want Remedia to work on it again?"

"Yes. She helped a lot."

Remedia worked on him again that day. The problem got better, and Krishna gained confidence in her, but she couldn't release the knot in the rhomboid muscle that attaches the shoulder blade to the spine.

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Saturday morning, after we finished the last Deeksha empowerment, Krishna told us to break for food and meet again later in the morning. We would spend the rest of the day in summary and discussion. When he returned he had a jar of massage balm in his hand.

"Do you want to do massage first?" I asked.

"Yes. My wife's coming to learn how to do the massage from Remedia." He looked gray and exhausted.

I sat in a chair in the corner while the two women worked on him. I was very reluctant to dare to give such a highly realized teacher and master energy worker healing. I felt too insignificant to help him. But that little voice inside me kept urging to me send him white light.

After some indecisiveness, I gave into it and sent a beam of white light into the top of his head.

He sucked up so much that I started shaking with the intensity of the energy blasting through me. Within three or four minutes he was asleep.

I had the feeling that his body was asleep, but his mind was awake working in the energy.

He sucked it up for a long, long time, taking far more than anyone else ever had from me. It was very easy to give him because his energy system was so clear and clean inside and so well developed.

When he stopped taking energy, I left. A couple hours later, I checked back.

Remedia was still giving Reiki while Krishna snored on.

"He needs stomach massage really bad," she whispered. "You the one tell him."

"OK," I agreed. She was scared like I had been.

It was late afternoon before they finished, and Krishna put summary off for Sunday. He looked like he needed to go straight to bed.

"Remedia says you need stomach massage. All the pain in your shoulder is getting stuck in your stomach. If she can release it, the pain level in your entire body will go way down, and your shoulder will hurt much less. But you have to have an empty stomach so first thing in the morning is best."

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"Yes. In the morning."

I was relieved that he had accepted so easily. I could see that he was headed for bed already.

"Tell him no take a bath cold water!" came my next instructions.

"She says don't take a bath in cold water because when the cold water hits those muscles they'll tighten up again worse than before."

"I'll heat water for his bath," Krishna's wife said.

"And tell him no sit on cold floor. Cold from floor go straight up back to shoulder. Really bad. And tell him put hot water in bottle. Put towel around and sleep with on shoulder."

"You heard my Boss that time didn't you?" I punned.

He didn't smile at my weak joke.

The next morning, Remedia and I chanted to call three Buddhas and filled all of us with energy before starting on Kriishna. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to hold the visualizations and receive powerful energy from them.

After stomach massage, Krishna touched his shoulder with a look of happy wonder.

"The pain in my shoulder's gone."

"But he still have big problem in stomach. I no can get all one time. Lump in shoulder no go away too. Tell him."

"She wants to work on you one more day, but we're supposed to go to Bangkok tomorrow. We'll stay if you're not busy."

"It's up to you."

I wanted a little more than that.

"No. It's up to you. If you're busy, or you need our room for someone else, we'll go. If you want more healing, we'll stay. But it's up to you."

"One more day is good."

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After breakfast the next day, we did our summary and discussed plans for Krishna to come to Singapore to give a concert and workshops.

Then Remedia went to work on his shoulder again.

I tried giving him white light, but it was mid-afternoon already. I had so much nerve pain and heaty energy from my paralyzed arms that my white light wasn't good for him. I went up to write while Remedia gave him Reiki and massage.

"You've got your healing power back," I said to her later that evening.

"What you mean?"

"How many hours you work on Krishna the last few days? Look at today. Chanting, stomach massage, shoulder massage, full body Reiki. What's that? Five, six hours? And now you're working on me before bed. Remember how terribly sick and exhausted we were five weeks ago? Now you can go all day."

"You too."

"Yeah. Thank you Krishna. Thank you AmmaBhagavan."

Monday morning came, and the first sound of the day was Krishna banging his drums again, like on earlier mornings.

Krishna was feeling better, but he still had problems. All three of us knew this had to be the last day. We shared an equal determination to finish his health problem successfully.

Krishna lay down in the meditation room to relax completely and opened himself to receive.

Remedia sat at his head, and I sat at his feet.

We chanted four Buddhas.

While Remedia did her Pali chants to call more healing energies, I filled all of us with white light. I was well rested with a low pain level, so the energy flowed cleanly.

She finished chanting and began stomach massage.

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I chanted the Moola Mantra twenty-one times. For my wish I requested a complete healing for Krishna. Then I prayed to God for the same thing.

As Remedia worked the knots and lumps with complete dedication and absorption, I helped by visualizing, praying and blowing energy into them. And I talked Krishna through the nasty pain of having these knots worked on.

Some of the releasing energy was so black and dense that it was like tar. It was so difficult to ground out that I transformed it into golden healing power where it was, using prayer and God's healing love.

When she finished his stomach, she turned Krishna over and started on his back and shoulder.

I protested. I had seen clearly that his life force energy was depleted because he had been working so hard for others and giving them so much of his personal power. I wanted to restore it and go to breakfast.

She was in the energy and could not be stopped. She was right to keep going.

We had all the Buddhas, AmmaBhagavan and God helping us. It was no time to go to breakfast.

I settled for a toilet trip and came right back.

When she finished massaging his back and shoulder, she began giving Reiki to the worst spots while I chanted a Medicine King Buddha mantra to support her.

We asked Krishna to turn back over for one last treatment before stopping.

I prayed, "God, we thank you so much for all the gifts you've given us this morning. Thank you for being here with your white light and healing love. We need your help again. Please send a laser beam of your life force energy into Krishna's pearl in his Lower Tan Tien. Recharge and replenish it. Make it bigger, brighter and more intense than it ever was before. Thank you for your help.

“Amitaba Buddha, you are the only one among all the Buddhas who can make a man's life longer. Please give your power to Krishna to lengthen his days so that he can continue working selflessly for others and God."

Remedia and I chanted "Om Amitaba shay" three rounds of the beads while visualizing a laser beam of God's life force called from deep within the ball of white light filling and charging Krishna's pearl of life force energy.

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When we had finished, we thanked God and all the Buddhas and gurus who had helped us.

Krishna still had nerve pain in his arm, and the lump behind his shoulder wasn't completely gone.

Back upstairs I said, "I can't believe how easy it was to get and hold the energy today. That was the best healing session we've ever done."

"Krishna doing Oneness meditation to hold energy for us. That's I see."

"No wonder it was so easy. Why didn't we get a complete healing when we had so much power there?" I started thinking about how I could use Oneness to hold an energy field like that.

"He need more. He really empty. Him body no have power to heal himself."

December 4, 2006

We said goodbye to Krishna and his wife before dawn. She gave us each a beautiful white prayer shawl impregnated with Deeksha.

He said, "See you in Bangkok."

December 5, 2006

Bangkok, Thailand

We went to a full moon Deeksha party at Jazz's house.

Remedia discovered that Jazz has a Filipina maid. She spent most of the evening happily yak-yaking in Tagalog in the kitchen, only appearing for Krishna's crystal bowl playing and to receive Deeksha.

The maid said Deeksha felt like someone was sticking needles in her brain.

I was free to mingle.

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I met a fellow American named Paul who had been teaching English in Japan for eighteen years. His body kept sucking tremendous amounts of white light from me all evening. Most of it was going into his stomach.

I learned that he was very ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and electromagnetic radiation sensitivity. I invited him to come for a healing session with Remedia and I on Thursday.

Krishna poured water into three of his bowls before playing them. Afterwards he explained that each bowl had imparted a different energy to the water contained in it.

We got to drink love, compassion and communication.

When we said goodbye to Krishna this time, he said, "Keep in touch."

We all knew that it was going to be a long while before we met again.

By the time we got home to bed, I had been up and active for twenty-two hours. I was a very different person from the chronically exhausted cripple who could barely function for four hours a day a few weeks before.

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Chapter Four

Using Krishna's Gifts

We are not earthly beings searching for a spiritual experience.

We are spiritual beings enjoying an earthly experience.

Unknown

December 7, 2006

"He not coming."

"Yes he is. I have a strong feeling. He wants some energy really bad," I replied. We had just finished breakfast on the terrace of the Malaysia Hotel, and Paul was late.

"He know nothing about energy. He no can feel."

"Yes he can. I asked him already. He had some Chi Gong treatments in Japan. He said he could feel the heat from the Master's hands, and he learned some exercises too. So he can feel the energy and move it in his body. It's gonna be OK."

"I no see why you want help him. Better you keep energy for yourself. Take care you first."

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"I'm OK now. I got a lot. I didn't pick him. The energy picked him. The white light was going to him really strong at Jazz's house. God wouldn't have sent him to us if we couldn't help him."

"I no have to much. I still sick."

"OK. You don't give him energy. Just read his aura, and tell me what you see. I'll use white light on him. I'm gonna go get a Bangkok Post."

She was really against doing healing for others since her own illness, but I knew she was much stronger now. I figured that once the session started, she would be right in there telling me what to do.

Ten o'clock came and no Paul.

I could see morning traffic across the parking lot. It was still gridlock, but an hour was a lot for an American to be late. We have a cultural phobia about being early for appointments.

"Maybe he's not coming after all," I said reluctantly.

"I told you. He no come."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I was sure he was coming. Let's go buy our plane tickets."

"Where we go?" She was happy that we would have the day for ourselves to go shopping.

As our taxi was pulling out of the hotel parking lot, there was a loud explosion.

“BANG!!” Everybody ducked.

"What was that? That was close! Where was it? Did terrorists come to Bangkok? Was it terrorists?"

People's heads started coming up cautiously while they asked questions in a babble of languages.

They started pointing at a power transformer on a pole in front of the apartment building next door. It had blown up.

I looked across the street and spotted Paul hurrying through the crowd with sweat running down his face and soaking his shirt.

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"There he is! There's Paul! Quick! Pay the taxi! Let me out. Paul! Paul!"

Paul apologized profusely. He had underestimated Bangkok's horrible morning traffic.

We went back into the Malaysia for a second breakfast. We quickly learned that Paul had no prejudices against any kind of energy except black magic and voodoo, which we weren't going to use on him anyway. His attitude and openness was going to make our work much easier. We could use any energy necessary to help him.

The rest of breakfast, we spent talking about Paul's coming trip to India. He was going to visit a holistic settlement called Auraville that's free of electromagnetic radiation.

We began the session in our room with an aura reading.

"What colors do you see?"

Remedia always likes me to ask her questions to narrow her focus because she sees so much in each person's energy field that it's difficult for her to relate it to those of us confined to the physical world.

"Yellow around face, front part head. Light green around chest."

"Good colors. Some love for humanity. What about any brown, black or dark red?" These colors indicate problems with suppressed negative emotions, voodoo or bad spirits.

"He got a lot brown on his back and shoulders. Little on right side of chest."

"What's brown mean?" Paul asked.

"Usually a little materialism or concern about money," I replied. I never like to tell people about problems until I'm sure they exist.

"I'm not very interested in possessions." Paul said.

"No. This worry and fear about his sickness," Remedia corrected me.

"Let's go look at his chakras now. Which ones are blocked up? Where're the problems?"

"Second one really bad. Throat bad. Heart good. Solar plexus weak."

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"Yeah. Solar plexus was where all the white light was going the other day. What about the base?"

The base was very important because anything I had to clean out of him was going to go out through his base chakra and the bottoms of his feet.

"Not too bad."

"OK, good. What about the head?"

"Some problems. He worry a lot about him sick and maybe no have enough money."

"Alright. What about anything black? Any negative emotions stuck in his stomach?" I was thinking that suppressed negative emotions were impairing his immune and energy systems.

"No. Little bit. Not much."

"OK. Let's take a look at his kidneys. He says he's got a problem with his kidneys."

"Yeah. Kidney really weak. Got problem here." She poked him.

"Oww! I have two cysts there."

"Yeah. Have long time already."

"Am I going to have to have an operation?" Paul asked worriedly.

"Yes. No. If you stop drinking coffee no operation."

"If I don't stop drinking coffee, I must have an operation?"

"Yes."

"OK Sweetheart. How long is his life?"

She grabbed his hand and looked at his palm. "He got long life."

"Good. How about this sickness? How much longer before it's finished?"

"After New Year he OK."

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"That's great! It's really soon. He's gonna be in India soon. Can you see what's gonna happen to him in India?"

"He can find him teacher. Him spiritual teacher."

"Where's he gonna find him? In this place he wants to go? Auraville?"

"No. Another place."

"Honey, look really close here. Can you see the teacher? Who's the teacher?"

"Sai Baba. Paul no have feeling for AmmaBhagavan. He have feeling for Sai Baba. Sai Baba know about him."

"What'd you say? Sai Baba knows he's coming?"

"Yeah. If he go see Sai Baba all him sick go away. He can see himself."

"Where's Sai Baba," asked Paul.

"Not far from Chennai where you're going," I answered.

"Where can I find a place to live?" Paul asked Remedia.

She grabbed his other hand. "You always go same five places. If you change, go a new place, you have really good luck coming to you."

"Where's the new place," Paul asked.

"Up to you. Any new place you never go before the good luck coming. Everything go good for you."

"What about my Japanese wife and son? Can they go with me?"

"Yes. Really good luck if they go with you." She looked at his palm again.

"You easy to make money. Can save too. But just now you no have too much from you sick. Money coming good again next year."

Paul ran out of questions, and I had enough information to start trying to clear his energy system.

Sitting at his head, I got well connected to white light, then started sending it down through his body.

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I focused on the base chakra first. Like Remedia had said, it wasn't too bad, but I was having trouble getting enough energy down to it to clear it.

I moved up to Swadishtana, the second chakra. It was a horrible mess. No energy and the entire pelvic floor was badly inflamed. No wonder Paul was having bladder and kidney problems.

I kept sending all the energy I could down to it, but every time I let up clouds of blackness covered the white light, and I had to start over again.

"I want to do this tonight while you're sleeping," I told him. "You're heart chakra is beautiful Paul. It's full of golden love for everyone around you. It's your best one."

He was pleased. It was the truth, and I didn't understand the real problem yet, so I couldn't talk about it.

We gave him a full body Reiki treatment and took him to Chinatown for our favorite Chinese herbal practitioner to check over. He saw the same general weakness we had. He prescribed a strengthening combination of herbs and another herb for Paul's eczema that Paul had enjoyed success with before.

We said goodbye in front of the shop.

"There had to be some negative emotions stuck inside him," I said to Remedia in the taxi on our way to the travel agent.

"No, I no see nothing like that. Him feelings really clean."

We argued and discussed all the way to the travel agent on Sukhimvit Road. During the hour we had to wait for our airline tickets, I kept coming back to the idea of negative emotions.

It wasn't until we were sitting silently in a taxi going home, stuck in afternoon rush hour traffic, that the breakthrough came.

"I see something!" Remedia exclaimed. "Somebody voodoo him."

I had a sudden vision of black clouds covering the white light every time I had sent it down through Paul. Nit had been exactly the same inside.

"You're right."

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"He traveling in some country before he meet him wife. He have girlfriend love him a lot, but he leave girl. Never go back. Girl pay somebody voodoo him. Make him come back or die. Voodoo be in glass bottle bury in ground. Have bad spirit too."

"I see it. It's a demon in the pelvic floor. Same place Nit's worst one was. It's not gonna do much good to get rid of the demon if we can't break the curse. How can we break it?"

"Have to find girl. Get girl take back."

"We're never gonna find that girl. Paul probably couldn't find her after all these years. There's gotta be something we can do right now!"

"No can do. Only girl can do."

The demon was very much aware that we had seen him and was already disturbed by all the energy work we had done earlier on Paul. I had to start working on him right there in the taxi. I went straight to God for help.

I called for white light and God's golden love to start transforming all the negative energy built up in Paul and to reduce the demon's power base.

The taxi dropped us on our corner, and we went into our favorite little restaurant for our first food since breakfast. Fortunately, service was exceptionally slow because they didn't have what we ordered and had to make a quick trip to the market. It gave me time to work undisturbed.

As soon as Paul was good and clear inside, I used the strongest power in the universe, God's love, to transform the demon into a benign, happy creature that would never harm anyone again.

When it was done, I was too exhausted to push it out of Paul.

Remedia fed me and helped me up the stairs to our little room where I slept until about two in the morning. When I woke up, I was rested enough to go back into Paul.

I could see the transformed demon clearly, still in the area of the second chakra, just behind the pubic bone.

I started pushing on it with white light. It moved easily.

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As I pushed, I felt something start to move in my own lower abdomen. It moved in tandem with the transformed demon in Paul. When it came out of my perineum it felt exactly like what I imagine giving birth must feel like.

I'd had a demon of my own in the same place as Paul's was!

Or was I just feeling Paul’s experience in my own body?

Once the demon was gone, I started thinking about the curse.

There was a black cord going from Paul’s back off into the distance behind him. I followed the cord until I saw a dark, nasty feeling object.

“Must be the glass bottle,” I thought.

I cleansed the bottle with a lightning bolt of white light, transforming it into pure, clear light. Then I cut the cord between it and Paul, and I cleaned the cord’s roots out of Paul.

December 12, 2006

Pai

Mae Hong Son Province

Northern Thailand

Somdit, who has been our very good Thai friend for many years, helped us move to Ithaca's this morning after we stayed one night in town.

I have serious doubts about staying so close to Ithaca for the next twenty-five days, but Remedia really wants to stay here. She's convinced that his breath work therapy can help her immensely with her problems about holding onto negative emotions.

Ithaca is a little bit much for me to take in anything but small doses with plenty of time in between. It's going to be a real test of my resolve to simply give everyone around me healing love and allow them to do as they want without pushing them with my emotions and mind.

A retired American psychologist, Ithaca is married to Lota, a local Lisu hill tribe woman.

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They have a couple of acres out past the hospital on the edge of town with a few bungalows, a sauna and a beautiful little six sided, pagoda shaped building with walls that are only about three feet high so that it's open to the elements.

It's an ideal setting for Ithaca's free morning breath work sessions.

It's Ithaca's contention that we all suppress our emotions pretty much all the time through the mechanism of shallow breathing. He invites people to come and breathe deeply and fully while making any sound they want to release stuck emotions that can manifest as physical, mental or emotional illnesses.

I really hope to learn how to integrate full time deep breathing into my energy work. When powerful energies start flowing through me, I tense up, stop breathing and start shaking and trembling while my face turns red and veins start popping up in my temples.

If I'm going to channel more power for longer periods, I must learn to relax and let the energy flow. The best way to do this is to breathe deeply and regularly.

It's nearly impossible to hold tension while breathing properly.

Our old friend and student Jasper showed up to join this morning's breathing session.

Remedia and I were both very happy to see him.

He doesn't look too good. Remedia senses a problem in his stomach. He had to rush off to mail Christmas packages, so we didn't have time to catch up.

December 13, 2006

Remedia and I were alone for the breathing session with Ithaca.

She got a big emotional release quickly. She said it felt like a large, hot ball came up from her stomach, passed through her throat and came out her mouth.

I got some of my own almost as fast. I had felt in Kanchanaburi that AmmaBhagavan's healing energies were hitting a block in my sacrum. I released a lot of sharp, painful energy from the right side of it.

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When Ithaca finished working on Remedia he came to me.

First he lay on top of me and whispered in my ear to correct my breathing while releasing some painful spots around my left temple with his fingertips. Then he banged his forehead on the left side of my chest, causing coughing cries of pain in me.

Next he stuck his fingers in a spot directly over my heart on the left side of my breastbone. Such a sharp pain pierced me that I saw white bolts and cried out, "Owwwww!!"

In the afternoon, Jasper, a blond, blue-eyed Dutch film director about forty, came by to visit with Nok, his tiny Thai girlfriend.

“The demon hanging on my right arm went away after Remedia and I took a bath in holy water at the Buddhist Temple when you guys were here last March. Remember?” he asked us.

“Yeah. I get big energy too,” Remedia said.

“The day before you came back this time, I started thinking about you. When I saw Ithaca the next day, he told me you’re here. The demon came back that night, shaking and twitching my arm. He knows you’re here too.”

Another demon crying for help!

The return of the demon was the reason Jasper had looked so gray and sick yesterday and why Remedia had felt compelled to anoint his forehead with holy oil during the first day’s breathing session. He looked normal and healthy today.

Nok has a problem with mental illness. She has blackouts during which she engages in suicidal, self destructive behavior.

I want to work with both of them.

Diane, from the bungalow in front of us, came back to chat too. Turns out that four pot smoking Canadian grannies in their sixties are living in one bungalow together.

The women are all well off, and they’re having the time of their lives on their first adventure to Thailand. They've never lived without hot water or had to wash their clothes by hand before.

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We sat on our porch chatting for hours.

Ithaca came back to join us, and we all sang songs while Remedia washed clothes and frowned in disapproval at grown grandparents carrying on like little children.

We had a blast.

December 14, 2006

Jasper came to the breathing group. He was late and just made it in as Ithaca was closing his beautiful little wrought iron gates decorated with butterflies hand painted by children.

As soon as I saw Jasper, I knew that today we were going after his demon.

A very tall American man a little older than me named Charlie came also. He turned out to be a very good body worker who released a lot of stored physical pain from my right shoulder.

Ithaca got on him severely for bringing bodywork into breathing time.

Charlie's perpetual grin just got bigger. “When the Spirit’s calling me to work on somebody, I gotta obey. Can’t stop the flow.”

I understood well.

Two days before, a very angry European man in his early twenties was beating the pillows so violently that he broke one. I felt called to use prayer and God's healing love to transform the rage inside him into love.

After a few minutes of receiving God's love, this chronically angry, violent, verbally abusive young man began praying to God aloud, asking God to change him inside!

I was caught up in the spirit and started praying out loud with him.

Ithaca broke it up.

Later in the same session, Remedia started talking to the same young man about a terrible pain she could feel running down his arm from his shoulder.

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Ithaca broke that up as well. He wants no other healing activities in his breathing space. It's his space to do with as he pleases, but some of these people are tourists. We only get one shot at healing them and never see them again.

I'm going to keep using my healing in his space. I'm sure he'll notice, but if I show no outward sign, I don't think he'll have any ground for complaint.

Just after today’s session, I was standing next to Ithaca's donation basket when a small, tight looking English woman in her mid thirties came up to drop fifty Baht in it.

"I hope you come back again," I said.

“I don't think so. This really isn't my thing."

"What's your thing?"

"I'm more into quiet meditation."

"I understand. We just came from five weeks of intense empowerments in Kanchanaburi with a no talking rule. This is directly opposite."

After she left, I wished that I had explained to her that she had just been in a session with four or five people who had already experienced oneness, or Unity Consciousness, or whatever else people were calling it.

All of us were finding that our unity process was being highly accelerated by breathing deeply and making wild noises with Ithaca to release the stored negativity that was separating us from a deeper experience of the universal energy field.

Remedia came over to me. She was very taken with Charlie's aura.

“He have a big ball white light around top him head. He got another ball in him heart. Can see he have too much healing power,” she enthused before dashing off for a quick trip to our bungalow.

Charlie and I talked for a few minutes while he spent a short time working on Jasper. He had just returned from fifteen days of meditation in a Thai temple.

Jasper began crying. The demon had started shaking and twitching his right arm while Charlie was working on him.

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After Charlie left, I stood behind Jasper with my body pressed against his back to support him. I rubbed him as best I could with my hand to calm him while I talked to him and prayed.

When Remedia came back, she put her hand on his arm and began praying also.

"In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, get out of here! Get out of here right now! Leave Jasper! Leave this place, and never come back!"

"Wait Honey, wait. That's not what we want to do. We want to love the demon and transform it into a being of golden love so that it won't come back again, and it can't hurt anyone else. Come on. Let's sit down and do it."

She looked at me like I was crazy. She was scared and just wanted to get rid of the thing as fast as possible.

I sat down on a cushion on the floor with my back against the brickwork covering one of the six cement posts supporting the roof. I wasn't going anywhere until this was over.

Jasper sat on a red and blue mattress facing me about six feet away.

Remedia sat beside him facing his side.

"We're gonna use love, Jasper. We're gonna use God's healing love and AmmaBhagavan, our Indian gurus, are gonna help us,” I explained.

“What's gonna happen is I got no connection with this thing. Before I can get this demon, I gotta see it. I gotta get a strong personal connection to it. You gotta let it out. I want it to come after me. I want it to attack me. Then I can get him."

It was Jasper's turn to look at me like I was crazy.

There definitely weren't any Indian gurus around that he could see, and he couldn't imagine anyone stupid enough to want to have a very nasty, powerful demon come after him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he held my eyes.

I didn't blink. "Yeah. We're gonna get this thing right now."

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"He's huge! He's mean and nasty. He likes to tear things apart with his huge claws like this!" Jasper clawed at the mattress with all his fingers curled into talons.

I caught a glimpse of the demon as his face contorted.

"Are you sure you can handle this!?"

I gazed at him steadily.

"I'm sure. I'm not gonna handle this. God is gonna handle this. His love is the most powerful force in the universe. He loves you very, very much. Far more than you love yourself. He loves the demon just as much as he loves you. All we have to do is ask God to help us. He's gonna take care of everything."

Jasper kept staring into my eyes in disbelief --like he wanted reassurance.

I said nothing and did nothing except sit calmly gazing back at him and sending love with my eyes for a long while.

"Remedia, we're gonna need candles and incense," I said without breaking the spell.

Shortly after she ran out, Jasper's arm started twitching more, his face contorted, and he began losing control.

I realized that I couldn't wait for candles and incense and began chanting Guru Puja. We already had a strong connection to God, and I knew I was going to need AmmaBhagavan's powerful transforming love too.

Remedia came back before I had finished chanting.

The demon was in full possession of Jasper, howling in contorted, hissing rage while clawing and beating the mattress and pillows.

Thank God for Remedia.

In a single glance, she saw that battle was joined. She silently went about preparing everything for our advantage.

She set her Buddha up at the foot of the next pillar to my left, lit candle and incense, anointed all of us with holy oil, helped Jasper out of his shirt and

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draped Krishna's beautiful, white, Deeksha impregnated prayer shawls around us.

Then she donned her special Muslim prayer cap before settling down on my right, facing her Buddha and Jasper's left side, to join in chanting and praying while the demon's violence grew.

His clawing, pounding talons came closer and closer to my crossed legs.

I feared briefly that he was going to attack me physically. I quickly formed a shield of golden love between us.

He backed off a little and raised his head from his crouch to stare at me red eyed out of a hideously contorted face.

"You don't know me! You don't know who I am!!" He hissed in a horrible, gravelly voice.

"I see you, and I know you now. You can never escape from me now. I'm gonna use God's love to transform you into a creature of love and light."

"I'm more powerful than you!"

That was definitely true.

This thing was ancient, enormous, hugely powerful, enraged and totally evil. It was all black and humped up like a bull elephant, heavy and thick. It made all the demons and evil spirits we had seen before look like babies.

"You're not more powerful than God's love. Come on demon! Come on! Show me everything you got!"

He howled in sheer rage and went into his most violent contortions yet.

We prayed on.

When Jasper's body was exhausted, he knelt with his forehead and face pressed against the mattress in front of me, sobbing.

I put my hand on the back of his head, channeling as much healing love into him as possible.

"I see you. I know what you are. I love you with all my heart, and God loves you much, much more."

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Jasper recovered enough to sit up and look at me.

"I want to put a golden Buddha in your heart so that you will always have love for yourself to draw on and compassion for others. We'll chant 'Om pet ma duri hung' first to put us on the Buddha plane," I said.

We only got two or three mantras chanted before the demon took over and began howling again.

Jasper coughed and gagged horribly as great chunks of nasty green and black phlegm and slime came out of his mouth to puddle on the tiles.

I transformed the nasty black energy in them into gold as he spat them out.

When he had calmed, Remedia stroked his back with one hand while she put energy into him. Then she helped him wipe his face with tissue. Throughout she kept chanting and moving her strand of prayer beads through the fingers of her other hand.

Another roaring fit of rage came. This one left Jasper so exhausted that he had to lay back on the mattress, still spasming and sobbing.

"Give it to the Buddha! Send it all to the Buddha!" Remedia commanded as she covered him with a Deeksha impregnated prayer shawl.

Jasper stretched his convulsing right arm out to the Buddha with the candle lit beside it.

I could see horrible black energy streaming out of his hand, going into the Buddha. I transformed it to gold as it moved.

We changed the chant to 'Om muni muni maha muni soha' to put the golden Sakyamuni Buddha into Jasper’s heart. The spasms gradually died away. He began resting quietly under the prayer shawl.

When he could sit up, Remedia sang the Moola Mantra softly and beautifully twenty-one times while we all collected ourselves and returned to the physical world.

I could feel the strong, powerful presence of God, his Angels, the Buddhas and AmmaBhagavan. I thanked them all over and over while basking in the glorious golden love filling all of us and Wat Shaha.

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"I tell you what I see. This thing you twin. He born with you. He very angry because two of you must share same body. He want kill Jasper," Remedia shared.

Nok called Jasper on his cell phone wanting to know when he was coming home.

Jasper and I went out behind the Temple of Breath to pee in the bushes together, and then he left.

When I came back around the temple, Ithaca was coming down the path.

"Yes Ithaca!" I said rather sharply. However, my irritation at his interruption vanished when I saw the look of grave concern on his face.

"Here's a piece of handmade paper from Laos for you. You can put it up on the wall of your bungalow." He handed it to me. It was thick and heavy, covered with beautifully drawn red and dark blue flowers.

I thanked him, and he went up the steps to close the wrought iron gates. He is a lovely man.

When I reached the top of the stairs on the path, I saw Helen, one of the grannies, sitting on her porch watching me. I realized she must have heard everything.

"That was a long session," she said.

"Can't stop in the middle of something like that," I replied tiredly, thinking about how disastrous stopping when the demon had been raging would have been for all of us. We would have been devoured.

When I saw a clock, I realized that we had been going for nearly three hours.

Remedia and I ate well and rested for the remainder of the day at Somdit's house with Pee Sow. She is Somdit's elder sister and Remedia's good friend.

We both knew it wasn't over yet. When we came home, I did my Kundalini to power up for the next battle, then I was in bed by six.

"Do you think he's coming tonight?" I asked Remedia as she tucked me in.

"He coming."

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"Yeah. I know he is too. He wants me."

I woke up well rested and still full of Kundalini power at midnight. Everything was clear and peaceful, but it was very cold in the toilet. Back under the warm covers, I went into empty mind after connecting to white light and the universe.

I soon became aware of a rather subtle, fine, black energy filling my body, spreading down from my head.

"Rem? Rem? You still awake? He's here."

"Yeah I feel."

"Give me some holy oil on my head and start praying, OK?"

She got up, anointed both of us and dove back under the warm covers on her bed.

I was surprised at how fine and powerful the demon's energy was. It was like some of the higher energies in every aspect except for its negative evil.

After letting it fill me as much as I could take, I began transforming it into very light white/gold. I worked on Jasper at the same time.

I was amazed at how huge this thing was.

My respect for Jasper grew as I worked. He had not only lived, but had managed to stay healthy, sane and prosperous with this monster in him trying to destroy him for more than forty years. He was a lot stronger than he thought.

I had seen much smaller demons kill people in a short time.

I worked with white light and prayer for a long time.

The demon kept getting clearer, but I couldn't seem to get a complete transformation.

Remedia and I talked about it.

"This thing's Jasper's twin, and they share the same body," I began.

"Yeah, they both want be boss the body.

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"The demon's so much bigger and stronger."

"Like Jasper be woman and the other be man."

"Yeah. Jasper's really soft and nice, and the demon's hard, mean and nasty."

"Jasper never do something to hurt another."

"So I'm gonna try putting Jasper's mind in the demon. Make him the stronger."

It didn't work. I couldn't get Jasper's consciousness to stay in the demon's energy field.

I asked Remedia what she thought.

"I think Jasper brain damaged from all the dope he take," was her opinion.

"Let's try giving Jasper a new brain then. Like AmmaBhagavan gave me."

I asked AmmaBhagavan to give Jasper a new brain even though we didn't know the technique used to work with Deeksha.

We both began receiving Deeksha. It was definitely Deeksha energy, but it felt different than the empowerments Krishna had given me. It wasn't quite as powerful, and it just kept coming steadily instead of ending quickly.

As I watched, it began transforming the remaining core of the demon that I had been unable to change with white light. I had a very clear vision of what this demon was and how it had become a demon.

Eons ago the demon had been what Arabs call a good Djin, or Genie, who had fallen into the possession of a very ambitious, thoroughly evil warlord. Slave to the warlord, the good Djin had been forced to crush opponents' armies, assassinate rivals and torture resistors.

These horrible acts were contrary to the Djin's good nature. It became filled with sadness and rage at the evilness of its actions until it too became completely evil like the warlord.

Since then, it had roamed the universe, destroying and devouring living beings everywhere it went until it was born into this world with Jasper.

The Deeksha completed its transformation.

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I received a knowing. I was the demon and the demon was me. The demon was my twin living in my body now, and Jasper was free.

Then the Deeksha began cleaning out the demon's negative Karma, just as Remedia and I had been cleansed at Krishna's. Gravel sized chunks of black flew skyward from it. When the cleansing finished, the next stage began.

I felt myself growing until I filled the whole bed, then the bungalow, then Ithaca's property, then the rice fields all the way to the mountains at the edge of the small valley.

I was huge!

And I had so much power!

Power to do anything and have anything was mine.

I rested in this new me and wondered about how to use it until I fell asleep.

December 15, 2006

First thing in the morning, I told Remedia what had happened.

"In my culture, in Wari-Wari people, when somebody save spirit they get all spirit powers," she taught me.

"You mean I have all the powers of the demon now because I changed it from being evil to good?"

"Yeah."

"Honey, that thing's huge. Its body is so big it stretches all the way to the hills over there."

"I know. I see him last night. He thousand year spirit."

"He's a lot older than that."

"No. I mean spirit that powerful only come this world one time a thousand years."

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"Oh. Well if he's so powerful, why didn't somebody else transform him and get all the power?"

"Everybody scared. Like Charlie. Only you no scared."

"Oh."

"That how Nai Perriyoung got power. From spirit. Remember Tai Emilio power?"

"Yeah. He's got big power."

"He got from help spirit. I watching whole my life. All my aunties and Grandma Pombai. She number one healer whole island from she help spirit she get power."

"Yeah. OK. I believe you. I saw it myself last night."

My mind was a little numb as I tried to take in the implications of having that much power. What was I going to do with it? What could I do with it? How did it work? What were all of its abilities? Its energy field was big enough to fill a football stadium and spill out into the parking lot. My God. How much power must AmmaBhagavan's Deeksha have to be able to transform a beast like that?

Jasper came late in the afternoon.

"Is your demon with you?” I asked him.

"No. He's gone." Jasper straightened his right arm and flexed his fingers.

"He came back about nine-thirty last night, and I felt the change. I got really mean to Nok and hurt her feelings. After about two hours he went away."

"Where is he now?"

"I don't know."

"Remedia, where's the demon?"

She looked at Jasper. "He not in Jasper."

"Look at me."

"Yeah. He in you."

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"But he's not a bad spirit anymore. He's different," I said.

"Transformation is the word that keeps coming into my mind," said Jasper.

"Yeah. We got transformation.”

I told him what had happened after the demon left him and came to me in the night.

"AmmaBhagavan transformed him inside me last night."

Ithaca came, and Jasper told me to explain it to him.

How could I explain something like this to a relatively sane American Dr. of Psychiatry even though he had been working with Jasper on this issue for two years?

Obviously Jasper felt as inadequate as I did about explaining what had happened to anyone who hadn't experienced it for themselves.

I gave Ithaca a brief, halting explanation. Enough to let him know that we had some kind of success.

He collapsed in laughter, hands covering his face as he rocked from side to side on the end of the bench, roaring and shaking.

I didn't know if he was laughing in disbelief or at our seriousness or out of happiness for Jasper.

"His American university education is getting in his way of understanding reality," I said.

"Don't be too hard on him," Jasper chastised me.

Whatever he was laughing at, he lightened our mood considerably, and we soon joined in.

"I'm going to make it a rule that from now on everyone who comes on the property has to make a commitment to breathing deeply and fully all the time," Ithaca said.

"Ithaca I support you one hundred percent on that. Remedia and I were talking about it this morning. We're really tired of students coming to us for healing

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and empowerments, then not doing the practice to keep what we used our time and energy to give them. We know exactly how you feel."

"Yes. You could better use that time and energy on yourself," Jasper added.

After Ithaca left, Remedia told Jasper she wanted to give him something. She went in the bungalow and came out with her chanting beads.

"Honey those are yours. You've been chanting those beads for more than five years. I thought you were gonna give him the other ones," I said as she handed them to Jasper.

"Wow! There's a lot of power in these. It shot straight up my arm to my brain! But these are yours. I can't take them." He tried to hand them back.

"Wait Jasper. Let me tell you the story. All last night and this morning I was wishing I had a set of beads to give you. Then Remedia saw a set of beads hanging on the light above her bed. I guess somebody forgot them. I was going to give them to you, but Remedia really wants you to have hers."

"I never thought I would have a set of beads."

I woke up that night after only a short, fitful sleep.

I felt itchy and uncomfortable with the demon living in my upper abdomen, in Manipura chakra. I tried empty mind meditation to go back to sleep. I was already feeling exhausted. Another sleepless night would really leave me in bad shape.

Visions of me caressing beautiful, scantily clad women, wielding great power among men and enjoying fame and success interfered with my meditation. Something felt dirty and unclean.

I suddenly realized that the demon was tempting me just like the devil had tempted Christ!

I decided that I really needed to get this thing out of my body.

"Demon! Get out of me! Go outside, and wait outside the door until I tell you to come back!"

I felt him go.

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A few minutes later, something nasty hit me in the belly so hard it hurt.

I looked with my mind and saw a large, oblong shaped chunk of very dense, black energy, jagged on both ends, stuck in my upper abdomen where the demon had been.

He had hit me with his equivalent of a rock.

I looked without getting out of bed and saw that he was still outside the door.

"Stay there!" I commanded.

It took a long time to clean my belly out.

December 16, 2006

"What are we going to do with this thing? I had to kick him out of my body last night. Did he bother you?" I asked Remedia the next morning.

"He hanging around, but I ignore. What about send him to far side of universe?"

"He'll just come back and bother Jasper or someone else. He wants a body to live in."

"We put him in the black Buddha! Buddha have body."

"Yeah. OK. Hear that Genie? I decided to name him Genie. Get in the Buddha and stay there!"

"He really happy there."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He like it a lot. I can feel." She smiled happily, infected by Genie's happiness.

"He really likes it, huh? I thought he wouldn't go for anything less than a people. Maybe he figures it's better than blowing in the wind outside the door." I was pleasantly surprised.

The breathing session went really well.

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A young American woman named Sara was the only newcomer. She was a little hesitant at first. I wrapped her in a cocoon of golden love and filled her completely. Very quickly she relaxed and began participating fully.

It’s really is amazing how fast people respond to energy.

There was a wonderful feeling of Oneness present during the entire session.

In the middle of the session, Diane quietly told Ithaca that she hadn't appreciated him calling her a foul name the night before.

He exploded.

"Show me your anger, Diane! Someday I'm going to get you to express your real anger. Someday!" He ranted on for a while.

Diane's lovely face assumed a hurt, injured look.

Every woman in Wat Shaha became angry at Ithaca. Then the anger spread to the men. We were One in anger.

Someone began screaming to release anger, and everyone joined the loud release. Soon we all calmed together, still in Oneness, still one organism. It felt fantastic!

Charlie and I had a good conversation in the sauna. He told me in detail about his vision of white light flowing through both our bodies when Ithaca had broken up our healing moment the first day we met.

I shared my own vision of the beam coming from the ball in Emptiness and then into the tops of our heads, but admitted that I had been unable to see it in our bodies.

He identified a big chunk of bitterness remaining in me. It was old, cold anger against the inadequacies of the medical profession and one particular doctor.

When I forgave everyone in the medical profession that evening, I got a very warm release in my lower left back from sacrum to hip--an area of chronic pain that has been worsening for years despite continual massage and Reiki treatments. Maybe it'll heal now.

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I was really exhausted and worried about not having enough energy to battle Genie in the coming dark hours. Even though he was happy in the Buddha, I felt that he wasn't completely clean yet and still wanted to fight.

While Remedia massaged my paralyzed hand as I lay in bed, I chanted the Moola Mantra twenty-one times and asked AmmaBhagavan to grant me a good night's sleep.

I was falling asleep before Remedia closed the mosquito net around me.

December 17, 2006

A great day all day!

Thank you AmmaBhagavan!

I woke up feeling really good after a solid night's sleep. In morning meditation, I requested AmmaBhagavan's guiding, protective presence to help me remain in the moment all day.

The breathing session was quiet. Only Diane, Ithaca and I were there.

I laughed happily the whole time, greatly relieved over having had a good night's sleep and at having achieved some control over Genie with AmmaBhagavan's help.

Ithaca wasn't feeling well. He spent the time curled on his side groaning loudly.

Diane cuddled him. She has so much happy love. It simply shines out of her.

I had a bodywork session with Charlie afterwards. He thanked me for telling him about the white ball. He had been able to connect to it easily once he knew about it.

Later, Remedia said that a monk had given Charlie white light but hadn't told him about it. Asian teachers are really sneaky about gifts like that. They give them and let you realize them yourself.

Charlie is an incredibly gifted body and energy worker even though he seems to think of it more as being massage. He's actually massaging the energy in my body, not the flesh or muscles.

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He adjusted the plates in my skull first, and then he released my neck. He called it 'squaring me up.'

I could turn my head and look directly behind me when he finished. I haven't been able to do that for many years.

Jasper, Nok, Remedia and I went to the Buddhist Temple in town. We collected Somdit from his motorcycle rental shop on the way.

He proudly and happily took us to an empty lot behind the temple where Luang Paw and his monks were carving a very large, old, hardwood log into two Buddhas.

They had sawn the log into two pieces. The smaller piece would be a reclining Buddha. It would lie in front of the larger, fatter, standing piece that they were crafting into a Buddha seated in meditation on a lotus flower supported by Taewadas holding it aloft.

The carvings were stunning.

We could already feel the love and spirituality emanating from them that the monks were imbuing them with as they worked.

Luang Paw was glad to see us.

Somdit has become his close friend, and Somdit's obvious love and respect for Remedia and I makes relating to the old monk very easy. He agreed readily to give us a bath in holy water during the coming week, and he granted us permission to meditate in the main temple in front of the Buddha.

Remedia had Genie in the little black Buddha that is his new home. She sat him on the donation box in front of the altar. We chanted three rounds of 'Om muni muni maha muni soha' while strengthening and enlarging the golden Buddha we had already placed in Jasper's heart last Thursday.

Then we chanted three more rounds while visualizing Jasper becoming a golden Buddha.

With Jasper full of love and compassion, I asked him to forgive the demon, and to ask the demon to forgive him, for all the harm they had done each other over his life.

"He's right there in that black Buddha," I prompted.

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Jasper stared at me silently.

"Is it too difficult a thing to do?" I asked.

"No. I can do it."

He turned to face the altar again and closed his eyes.

"Demon, please forgive me for making you stand outside the door in the cold all night. And I forgive you for attacking me and throwing that huge chunk of black energy into my belly that hurt so bad," I said to help Jasper get started.

After a long while, during which Remedia and I waited patiently, Jasper turned back to us and said, "All is forgiven."

I didn't believe him, but I knew he had gotten the message about what he must do.

We chanted three more rounds while visualizing Genie becoming a golden Buddha. I got a very clear vision of him towering over us and attacking me as he fought the Buddha energy.

Nok went to work, and the rest of us went to eat at Jasper's favorite spot. It was empty with just the three of us and the cook.

It took a long while for the food to come. I could feel myself fading fast. It was about four in the afternoon, and we hadn't eaten all day.

My mind was being plagued by visions of the demon attacking me again like he had in the Buddhist Temple.

After we ate, Remedia and I walked down the street to The Good Life where she ordered a fish to take home. She was still hungry, and she was missing her fish here in the mountains.

While we waited in the empty restaurant, I chanted the Moola Mantra and asked AmmaBhagavan to send Deeksha to clear the demon from my mind and finish transforming him.

"That's better," Remedia said. "The color come back you face. You looking really bad before. Feel bad too."

Obviously, I still had a lot of work to do on Genie.

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We walked to Somdit's to ask for a ride home.

When we got to the motorcycle shop, I apologized to Jeem, his new daughter-in-law, for not coming to do a healing session for her thyroid problem. I asked her to come out the next day.

December 18, 2006

I enjoyed another good breathing session while Remedia stayed in her warm bed chanting and giving herself Reiki.

We kept Oneness present again for the third session in a row.

After the session, an American man a little older than me introduced himself as Rainbow Heart and said he was living next door.

"I hear you and your wife are into Deeksha."

"Yeah, I love it a lot. It’s brought all my other energy practices together into a complete whole and made them much more powerful."

"I'm into Deeksha too. There's a Deeksha Giver coming to Pai next Thursday. She's stopping for a week on her way to India for a process."

I felt a leap of joy in my heart. "Wow! That's wonderful news! How can I hook up with her? What's it gonna cost?"

I was worried about my dwindling wad of baht.

"I'll know more on Thursday, but I think it's going to be donation."

He kindly invited me to visit his home anytime.

My session with Charlie went really well. About twenty minutes into it, our energies merged into Oneness and stayed there. He got very deep into me and released the chronic pain around my eyes. He also helped my sacrum and hip very much.

Jeem came at two in the afternoon.

It was a joy to work on her. No demons. No denial. She recognized the sadness she was carrying and that the spirits of her dead parents hanging around her

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needed help also. She accepted a Reiki one attunement and easily felt the healing energy in her hands.

I feel confident of a successful outcome.

I had a good meditation during the night, clearing up more of Genie. He keeps getting better. We're still not sure what to do with him. After he attacked me in the temple, Remedia suggested burying him.

I don't want to bury the Buddha that's his new home, and if somebody dug him up they would inherit the problem. The attacks are getting weaker and easier to handle. I think we have to stay the course with him.

December 19, 2006

The breathing session was pretty flat today. I couldn't get past being very cold to open up.

Afterwards Ithaca invited me for what turned out to be an extremely interesting talk in his office.

“Are you going to give me an Eastern mind to mind transmission of knowledge or use conventional Western methods of speaking and writing?” I asked.

“A mind to mind transmission may occur,” he said.

I understood that none was intended. I was very cold, nervous and uncomfortable throughout the visit.

He allowed me the privilege of reading and commenting on the first few pages of his new book. It is well polished and extremely well written, explaining very difficult concepts about Enlightenment in language and structure that I found easy to grasp on the first read through.

I only had to reread a couple of passages for clarity.

His intellectual approach, although slower than psychic transmissions, is one of the five valid paths to Enlightenment that Vivekananda lists. It will appeal greatly to educated Western readers.

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From reading it, I understand Ithaca's state and teachings much better. I know where he's coming from now.

I believe he has actually attained and has some experience in Oneness, or the Unified Field of Consciousness. He has gained it through intellectual study and his single minded dedication to the use of breath work to cleanse humans of the stored, ancestral emotions of fear, anger and sorrow that separate us from God and Enlightenment.

Ithaca realizes that his treatment of the human condition embraces the second and third levels of the process of Enlightenment --recognizing suffering and alleviating suffering.

If he had empowered, direct, conscious experience of the entirety of the other levels, or the complete realization of a Guru, his treatment of human suffering would progress exponentially with the knowing that empowerments evoke.

He is still trapped deeply in the same logic that he disparages by his Western education, and, most particularly, by Western methods of education. The most rapid advancements in consciousness occur in the Eastern school of direct mind to mind transmissions that illuminate the mind rather than educate the mind.

A Guru would use his deeper state of knowing to project the needed state of consciousness directly into Ithaca's mind. If Ithaca's energy system was clear and open enough to accept the empowerment, he would receive it.

After receiving it he must be capable of realizing the transmission in his conscious mind and recognizing it when it appears there, often some time after the transmission.

The final step in the empowerment process is putting the realization to work in our physical world. With no practice in our physical world, both the Guru's empowerment, and Ithaca's realization, are valueless and soon lost.

Any intellectual absorption of knowledge is inferior to knowing.

Direct, mind to mind transmissions of knowings from the teacher that are realized by the student, then strengthened by experience, produce a complete knowing that no Western method can impart.

The only way Ithaca could have arrived at his state of understanding Oneness, but displaying very little of the intermediary states, is through knowing only

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very small parts of them, enough to progress upward, but not enough to use any of the powers associated with a more complete experience of those levels.

He has seen Oneness without really living fully in it and developing the use of all its wonderful, creative, empowering energies because he has never had an Eastern Master show them to him.

His progression through the levels of spiritual growth has been like a man climbing the staircase of a building. The man doesn't have to explore every room and corridor of every floor to progress upward. He has only to gain the staircase landing to go up to the next level.

Ithaca needs to open his mind to Eastern methods of knowing to gain the powers he has missed out on.

His problem is going to be realizing that, while he has received great blessings by being so narrowly focused on breath work, that same narrow focus has prevented him from experiencing even greater blessings. He needs very much to seek out and open himself to what he has overlooked so that he can blossom fully.

To progress more rapidly, Ithaca must find it in himself to find a teacher and approach him in an attitude of complete surrender and deep gratitude. These states enable higher energies to flow easily.

With Ithaca's clear intellectual understanding, clean emotional body and his hard won, practical experience gained through years of breath work, he could progress very rapidly if he could find and accept Eastern teaching methods.

If Ithaca can understand that empowerments are great gifts being given to him through the compassionate love, mercy and grace of God manifested through the teacher, he can eliminate many years of effort and struggle by surrendering in heart-felt gratitude to God's infinite love.

Experiencing Oneness is only the bare beginning.

Deeper realization of Unity Field Consciousness, or Oneness, is the first important step in the ongoing process that the right Master will guide Ithaca through.

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After Ithaca experiences Oneness more deeply and permanently, the entire Field of Unity Consciousness awaits his exploration of all its wondrous powers and creative abilities.

It is through this process of exploration that Ithaca will fully attain divine Godhood.

This planet is currently caught up in a vast movement toward Oneness for every human living on it. Nearly everyone on a spiritual path towards Oneness, and many who have attained it, think that Oneness, which is currently being called Enlightenment by many, is the final goal because they are caught up in the process and have not looked beyond it.

The first conscious awareness of Oneness is not Enlightenment, even though it's so gloriously, astonishingly amazing that it seems like it must be.

Oneness is merely the door to all the creative abilities and powers that await us in the infinite energy fields contained in it. It is through using the tools of meditation and energy work gained in the process of attaining that first glimpse of the Unity Field that we proceed on our path toward Buddhahood.

Oneness allows us conscious existence in the Field of Unity Consciousness. Once we can stay in the field and work in it, we can begin exploring it.

Going beyond Oneness results in the complete realization and abilities of a Buddha. Buddhahood. Enlightenment.

Very few will attain this level. Buddhism calls our current age a good kalpa because one hundred beings will attain Buddhahood. Only one hundred for the entire age.

I did gain some practical concepts from Ithaca.

It will be of great benefit to my clients if I can allow them to feel completely free to express emotion during healing sessions. This is best accomplished by a spontaneous transmission of my own emotionally free state gained through my own practice of breath work.

If I'm free emotionally, others around me will feel free to express themselves naturally.

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I need to get clients to breathe fully and openly throughout sessions. Deep, complete breathing fully opens all bodies --physical, emotional, mental, pranic and spiritual. This will enable the client to receive the energies I'm transmitting on all levels of his/her being.

I think Ithaca has dwelt so long and gone so deeply into sadness, fear and anger that his growth in love, kindness, joy, peace and the other beneficial attributes has not blossomed fully.

I wonder how his deep breathing practice can be used to discover them like I’m discovering the other emotions.

Charlie and I shared another great session. His practical application of white light is far more advanced than mine, even though he has only recently seen its source.

He explained to me that he sees the white light break up into rainbows when it strikes blockages in the human body --much like a prism refracts light into a rainbow of colors. The correct color to remove the blockage automatically flows into it.

I can easily pick my feet up now. Instead of being locked solidly, my hips now swivel almost normally.

Charlie said that the muscles and flesh all around my pelvic girdle and hip joints were frozen into one solid mass hard as bone.

Remedia has been saying that my muscles felt like bones for years.

Thank you Charlie. Thank you AmmaBhagavan for answering my request to walk normally again so fast.

Thank you God.

A very attractive Italian woman in her early thirties, with nicely cut and permed hair and soft, well cared for skin, pedaled a rented bicycle out from town to have a sauna because it is so cold.

Remedia decided to join her even though Lota charged her sixty baht --more than double the usual price she charges residents here.

Both the women really wanted to get warm.

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Lota built a fire under the back of the sauna and put a pot of herbs on to boil. When she thought the sauna was hot, she called Remedia and the Italian woman to change into sarongs and enter before she left.

They went in, expecting a nice warm sauna.

Some steam was present near the very low ceiling of the very dark cement box, but the cement itself was still dank and cold. The two were soon colder than they had been before they entered.

"This isn't good. It's really dark and cold and the floor's wet and dirty," the Italian observed.

"Maybe I tell make more fire," Remedia said.

She went out and found Alima, Lota's Lisu cousin, but couldn't make her understand the problem, so she went back inside.

"It's getting colder. Ohh! Something cold and wet is dripping on me!" the Italian exclaimed. "Please do something!"

"I go make the fire bigger myself," Remedia said.

She went back out in the cold winter wind with only a wet sarong wrapped around herself and piled more fuel on the fire. A lot more.

"Oww! Oww! Something's biting me!" the poor Italian woman cried when Remedia came back into the sauna. She was slapping her bare legs, trying to fend off the biting ants attacking her.

They sat for a while longer.

They soon began to smell burning plastic. The smell of reeking fumes drove them outside.

"Something’s stuck all over my skin and hair. It's all sticky and yucky! I'm going to take a shower," the Italian woman said.

Soon she came flying out of the toilet next to the sauna.

"There's no hot water! It's freezing cold! It's not very clean in there either. I'm leaving Pai. I'm going to the beach where it's warm!"

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She was so upset that, when her sarong slipped down around her waist displaying her full, beautiful breasts to Charlie and I, she paid no attention. She flung her clothes on as quickly as possible, jumped on her bicycle and pedaled off in tears.

Still wrapped in her wet sarong, Remedia crept down the side of the sauna and peeked around the back.

Lota was furiously fighting fire.

Remedia's fire had grown so big that sarongs hanging to dry above it had burst into flame. The large plastic pipe funneling hot steam into the sauna was melting.

Remedia ran for our bungalow to hide.

December 20, 2006

Ithaca canceled the breathing session. It's still very cold.

Charlie aligned my body's posture properly while I was standing. So much trapped energy released that I became dizzy and nauseas.

I had to sit down.

December 21, 2006

Last the night the nausea returned, and my bowels cleaned out completely. I also got a large sore on my right breast. Major cleansing, but my walking is certainly improving.

I dreamed about white light.

I saw three different practitioners healing the sick with white light so powerful that it struck with the power of a lightning bolt, flinging bodies about the room just like Ron Roth describes happening to him.

Is that the next step for me or was the dream telling me not to be proud of the small ability I have?

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When I'm doing Guru Puja, my entire body is turning completely into vibrating light particles, and then everything around me does the same.

During meditation at two in the morning, my conscious, observing mind turned to light also, becoming totally lost in the vibrations.

How far into these experiences can I go without losing my mind completely and being unable to return?

The breathing session was great. I experienced small bolts of white light entering my crown chakra and flashing through my central channel. They were just like the bigger ones I saw in my dream. Something new is definitely coming to me.

I experienced another breakthrough in the breathing group. For several days I've been feeling resentment building against Ithaca.

Ithaca laid down on top of me and hugged me. "Just let it out. Loose control. Let it go," he whispered in my ear.

"I hate you Ithaca!! I HATE you!!! You're an egotistical, controlling maniac!”

“AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! I HATE YOU!!!"

I ranted and screamed, going beyond my feelings about Ithaca that had triggered anger to pure anger itself --the anger that is inherent in all of us and needs no trigger. It's the place Ithaca has been trying to get me to. When I was screamed out, he massaged my face and head and thanked me.

During discussion, I said that I was thankful I had found pure anger and still needed to experience sadness and fear.

After the session, Diane and I shared an interesting talk about divine white light and God's love, both of which she is so full of.

We sat in front of my bungalow.

“I really want to know more about your white light. It's all around you, and you're full of it. How does it come to you?” I began.

“It just comes into my heart and goes out.”

“You don't know where it comes from?”

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“No. It just comes to me.”

“What do you use it for?”

“I never lock my car or house. When I go out I put it around them. I've never lost anything.”

“Is that all you use it for? You don't use it on people?”

“No, I never have,” she said.

“The white light comes from a huge ball of it that floats in the place Chi Gong masters call 'Emptiness'. If you send a little energy up to it, you can connect to it and pull energy down into the top of your head. Then it goes out of you to others.”

“I use it to change the sadness, anger and fear in people to golden love that they can use to heal themselves. I can connect you to the ball and show you how to use it if you want.”

Diane ignored my offer and told me an interesting story.

“There was this horrible prison in Hawaii whose inmates were so incorrigibly evil that the prison couldn't keep staff. The administration brought in a psychiatric professional who apparently did nothing but sit in his office all day and read through prisoners' files. Within a very short time, the prison became a model institution with happy inmates and staff.”

We talked about possible ways the professional could have done it.

“I don't understand why you don't deliberately use your gifts to change people's lives like Charlie, Remedia and I do every day,” I said. “Changing people like Ithaca is doing is effective sometimes, but it’s very painful and time consuming.”

She became defensive of Ithaca (she loves him very much) and began casting doubt on my ideas about transforming emotions using energy.

“The story you just told me. That's transformation. The doctor did nothing but sit in his office and read files to get a connection to the prisoners. They stayed locked in their cells. There was no contact, no deep breathing, screaming or yelling. Nothing. Only energy work. It's your story. Your example."

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She was silent and just sat looking at me for a long while.

We talked for a few more minutes, and then Misha rode up on her bicycle, and Diane left.

Misha and I played catch up. We hadn't seen each other since last March when she and Remedia were trading massages.

Misha is still a gorgeous young woman. She put herself through college dancing the go-go in a Texas bar.

However, today she was looking pale and drawn. Her movements were slow, like she was carrying a heavy load. We revived plans for her to learn more Reiki. I told her I wanted to send her to Krishna.

In the evening Remedia was doing massage on my chest and arm when Rainbow Heart came calling.

"Quick! Open the door Honey. Let these people in!" I knew this was an important visit.

Remedia opened the door to a vision of loveliness.

A tall, slim blond woman of indeterminate age stood there in very expensive clothes. She picked her way into our hovel looking like a perfectly coiffed and manicured pet poodle suddenly dumped into my Great Grandma Maud's chicken coop.

"You look very nice," I understated.

"No, no. You don't have to take your shoes off," Remedia said as she tried to balance on one foot while unzipping a white, ankle height, designer boot.

She gratefully stepped in and moved toward the plastic chair Rainbow was holding for her while looking in some confusion at our walls of split bamboo that let in more cold air and insects than they keet out.

"It's an interesting color," she remarked about the shade of green paint on the walls that looks like the inside of a nineteen thirties auto repair shop complete with oil stains.

"This is Sandi, the Deeksha giver I told you was coming from America," Rainbow Heart said.

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I’ll be giving Deeksha two days, twice each day,” Sandi explained.

“We’re really happy to have an opportunity to receive Deeksha again. We recently completed the preparatory work and we’re searching for the money to go to India,” I said.

"Do you know the Oneness Movement website in America?" she asked me.

"I'm not sure which one. I looked at several from different countries."

"Richard's frame of reference is more Asia. He's been over here for nearly thirty years," Rainbow explained.

Sandi got to the point.

"The woman who is head of the Oneness Movement in America sometimes helps poor people and those from poor countries who can't afford to pay the five thousand five hundred dollar fee. She's extremely wealthy. I would be happy to recommend a scholarship for both of you." She was looking at my crippled arms and our obvious poverty.

The connection was made!

For many weeks I had felt that a wealthy White woman we would meet in Pai would pay our twenty-one day course fee. Besides wanting to work with Ithaca, it had been my main reason for coming here. Now it was manifest.

We talked a little more about details, and they left to visit others interested in receiving her blessings.

"She giving us Deeksha," Remedia said when they were gone.

"I didn't notice. I was busy talking."

Sandi's lovely face and golden hair kept coming into my meditation during the night, so I knew she was thinking about me and probably had been doing some energy work for me.

Thoughts of Diane intruded also.

I couldn't stop thinking about how she has both God's divine white light and golden love, but she isn't using them consciously for anything except as a

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burglar alarm for her house and car instead of deliberately and purposefully using them to transform the lives around her.

Soon I was crying big tears and feeling very sad.

Sadness!

I went deeper into it, crying more.

Pure sadness!

Nothing to do with Diane. Just the pure sadness inside me. Thank you Diane! Thank you Ithaca!

I wonder which one of the pot smoking Grannies will scare me to death so that I can experience fear.

December 24, 2006

Remedia had a great breathing session.

Ithaca forced her to assert herself and move out her bad feelings towards him. It was a big breakthrough for her. She has always put herself last, accepting the domination of others and swallowing the pain it causes her.

In the afternoon, we received Deeksha with a group of about fifteen at Good Life.

I was able to experience Oneness clearly.

Every time Sandi gave Deeksha to another person, I received it also along with them. After the gathering I went home to write our letter of application for financial aid to attend the Oneness University.

December 25, 2006

I e-mailed our application letter for the Oneness University.

Remedia gave Jeem, Somdit’s daughter-in-law, another treatment. Her eyes are nearly normal, and she's definitely on the mend.

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Jasper and Misha both came by to learn the Reiki symbols they will need for tomorrow's class.

Jasper took the Buddha with Genie in it home.

Remedia and I both felt that our bungalow became very empty without him. He came back several times during the night.

Paul e-mailed from India to say that ninety percent of the pain in his lower abdomen is gone along with his chronic bladder infection.

Now that I have physical confirmation that his demon is gone, I feel free to tell him what the problem was.

December 26, 2006

I dreamed of entering a room with golden walls. In the center, a very large book sat on a stand. I flipped more than halfway through the pages before stopping.

“Nobody is the most powerful person,” floated up out of the text in large, bold letters.

I have a strong feeling that this is a very important message for me.

The dream's setting, and the large, ancient book, reminded me of descriptions of the Akashic Records I've read about.

Remedia and I had a very good breathing session alone with Ithaca.

We’re getting down close to the serious issues that hinder both of us so much.

Ithaca read my journal entry for December nineteenth. He laughed happily at some, frowned in disagreement at other passages and explained how to make my writing stronger. What's most important is that he clearly understood the difficult concepts I was explaining.

Remedia gave Reiki I to Nok, Reiki II to Jasper and Reiki III to Misha.

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We then gave Nok and Misha Reiki treatments. Nok's brain and uterus both need some work, but nothing serious. Misha is much worse. I'm not yet sure what the root of the problem is, but she needs massive amounts of energy. I want Charlie to help me do a white light session with her.

We had our second Deeksha session in the late afternoon at Good Life.

Pee Sow went with us. She is very unhappy living with Somdit's kids and wants a new house for her and her daughter. She wished for it while receiving Deeksha.

Sandi gave me one extra shot that made me feel quite special --like the teacher's pet. After the session she said that she hadn't received my e-mailed scholarship application.

December 27, 2006

I took my computer next door to Rainbow's to try resending the e-mail. I couldn't hook up to his connection because of hardware problems, but he and Sandi both read it.

Rainbow is a retired newspaper editor who writes poetry.

After reading it, he sat silently for a moment before speaking.

"This is a beautiful piece of writing. It just flows." He really meant it.

I was very happy because I've had the same doubts about my writing that every writer must experience, and Rainbow is a professional who has spent a lifetime writing and editing.

December 28, 2006

Another good breathing session.

Four out of five of us vented real emotions at the same time.

Ithaca was a very happy boy. He didn't know who to run to first. Usually he has to beg, threaten, curse and cajole us to get anywhere.

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After the session, Ithaca came by to finish reading my journal entry for the nineteenth. When he had finished, he sat breathing loudly for a very long time before speaking.

I felt that his thoughts were grappling with the effect that accepting my ideas would have on both his writing and his spiritual life. The entry diagnoses and offers corrective insights for his spiritual condition.

"It's very good," he finally said sincerely.

I was pleasantly surprised.

I had expected criticism and rational, logical denial. My writing had made this brilliant writer pause to think very deeply, and it had gained his approval even though it criticized him.

With the support of Ithaca and Rainbow, I'm encouraged to keep writing.

We continued our running argument over whether or not it's possible to transform stored negative emotions without experiencing them.

I know I can use God's power to change them to healing love. I do it in nearly everyone I work on. I can clearly see the black goo along the inside of the spine, between the ribs and in the abdomen change to gold.

The person's behavior also changes dramatically.

However, I'm not so sure about being able to alter the behavioral mechanism that choked back and stored the anger, fear and sadness in the first place. I really believe that Ithaca is right about deep breathing being crucial in allowing all emotions to flow freely.

I want very much want to have a deeper experience of each emotion of sadness, anger and fear so that I can easily recognize them in myself and others.

Once I experience them deeply, directly and personally, I will be able to remember their energy signature and target them for transformation much more easily than I can now.

Remedia did a long stomach massage for Nok, lifting her uterus back up to its normal position.

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Charlie and I did an equally lengthy white light session with Misha. She sucked both of us dry. She needs incredible amounts of energy. Afterwards Charlie and I both ate big and went to bed.

Remedia and Charlie both said they can sense a malevolent presence in Misha's aura. Charlie said it's like an octopus sucking the energy out of her. Remedia sees it as a black cloud filling her aura, especially on her right side, and suspects a dead relative's presence.

I went after the dark presence in Misha's aura during the night.

It knew I was coming and tried to block my God connection. I had to ask Remedia for holy oil and prayer to help clear it. I should have gone after it at bedtime when the impulse first struck me instead of waiting until I was more rested.

My hesitancy only gave evil more time to prepare.

I could sense the presence of darkness around Misha easily, but I couldn't connect to it. I asked Remedia to look again.

"It not a dead people spirit. It voodoo. Thai boyfriend voodoo her same At voodoo you. Want her stay with him always. Want her give him money."

"What about an evil spirit? Did the voodoo guy put a bad spirit in her?"

"No. No spirit. Only voodoo, but really strong."

"Where's the voodoo? Is it in a glass bottle or some bones or something?"

"No. Nothing. Only be around her and full up her house. Come from boyfriend."

"OK. Thanks Sweetheart. I know where to look now."

Remedia was soon snoring softly while I went to work clearing the voodoo.

I used white light and golden love to clear the dark clouds away, exposing the black tendrils of voodoo attached to Misha's skin. This was the octopus Charlie had seen. I made a pair of giant scissors and snipped them all away. It was like giving her a haircut all over her body.

When I cut them, they snapped back to the sender. I sent golden love after them that burned the sender like fire.

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Then I cleaned Misha completely, transforming her first into white light and then into golden love. There was no sign of an evil spirit involved. I tried to clear her house, but I couldn't get all the corners.

In the morning Remedia had some more news.

"Last night when you work on Misha, I see some more in my dream. I see witch send voodoo. She have violet shirt and little black hat like girls here wear."

"Lisu? A Lisu witch?"

"Yeah. But after I see her, she try catch me in violet net. I go away get some help. I come back and she change clothes already. I no can find her. I see she have string like Philippine people put fish on after catch. She have a rat, bird, dog, many small animal on string. She try put Misha on string. She want own Misha."

"This is really good. You can see the witch that's sending the voodoo."

"Have a two people pay witch."

"What? Two people?"

"Yeah. Boyfriend and actor lady."

"Actor lady? What actor lady?"

"You know. One that teach yoga." She looked at me like I was totally stupid.

"Oh yeah. I remember her. She and Misha were fighting over yoga students last time we were here. What curse did she put on Misha?"

"She want Misha go away from Pai and get really sick. Boyfriend want Misha stay with him always. Want money. Witch sit on top Misha's house."

"You mean the witch sits on top of Misha's house when she makes voodoo? That's why I couldn't clear the house!"

"Yeah. Boyfriend hide something in house or carry something on him body make Misha like him."

"Oh boy! This is good! We got a witch to fight with. We're gonna have some fun now!"

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"Why you like that!? You always like that! Leave witch alone. She really powerful one. You mess with her, she make you really sick like Misha."

"Honey, when you gonna stop being scared? No witch is more powerful than God, and we got a direct connection to God. We're gonna get that witch. Besides, what are we supposed to do? Run away and leave Misha hanging? God wouldn't have sent her to us if we couldn't help her. That witch attacked me already last night. We're already in the fight."

"My mother Julia came to help me last night. Grandma Pombai came too."

"The super powerful healer? If she's gonna help us we got no problem. Nobody's got more healing power than her. I dreamed I saw my dead grandparents and uncles come too. They looked like spectators in a circus. I asked them why they were there. They said I was the best show in town. Now I understand why."

December 29, 2006

The Grannies are gone to Laos.

A very nice retired couple my age from Alaska moved into their bungalow --Diz and Mardell. He worked on the Alaskan ferries. He told me that the Columbia is still running from Seattle to Alaska. I rode on her many times.

We enjoyed a quiet, peaceful breathing session.

An old man from Colorado named David sat in a chair silently and made Tai Chi like Chi Gong motions for an hour and a half. After the session he claimed to be a Chi Gong M.D.

“I got a paralyzed left arm. What can you do about it?” I asked him.

He said, "Lay down."

I did and got a great shot of energy.

He cleared and balanced all my chakras, balanced and fluffed the energy flow on both sides of my body, balanced and connected yin and yang, and then took me on a nice little spin around the solar system picking up a different energy from each planet. Wonderful!

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He said he's coming back to do it again.

Charlie's totally ruined.

He caught Misha's illness. He's got terrible diarrhea that started with a lot of white mucus and cottage cheese like stuff. He said it looked like Candida discharge.

He got far deeper into her energy than I did, didn't quit when he got tired and fell a little in love with her wonderfully soft feminine energy. A surely disastrous combination, especially when combined with the witch's curse on anyone who helps Misha.

Remedia's down with a nasty cold.

I'm the only one who has escaped so far. I've been doing my own energy work faithfully. I hope it's enough.

Remedia, Charlie, Ithaca and I are all dedicated to helping everyone who comes to us, but sometimes it becomes overwhelming. We help them, and at the same time we must heal ourselves while fending off attacks from people using destructive, manipulative energies.

I often feel like we'll never clear everyone. However, this is a very practical way to bring the empowerments Krishna gave us to work in the physical world.

It's the final step. First Krishna empowered us, then we realized the teaching, and now we're being forced to make it all real in the here and now. It's often tedious and repetitive, and sometimes frightening, but completely necessary for our growth.

Remedia and I gave Charlie a prayer/white light session.

Then, in my nightly meditation, I went after the witch again. We had been fighting on and off all day, but I couldn't find her. I decided to settle for releasing and healing all her captives on the string.

As I was cutting them free, she appeared, totally enraged.

I was able to pin her with very intense white light and imprison her in a capsule of golden love that kept her from running away while I worked to transform her into a white witch.

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I don't know how long she'll stay good, but she's clean now.

I tried working on Misha's boyfriend when I finished with her.

It was extremely difficult to penetrate into his darkness at all. The witch was much easier. I soon gave up. He's a black hole that resists any healing energy.

It's possible that he's on some kind of drugs. It's very difficult to get energy into dope addicts. I got the impression that the charm he's using to control Misha is on his body, either around his neck or in his pocket.

December 30, 2006

I tried to find fear in the breathing group. I found it alright, but failed to experience it completely. Every time the black cloud of terror rose up as high as my throat, I choked it back down.

I'm definitely afraid to experience fear.

Ithaca talked about emotions. He explained that there are only six basic ones. Sadness, anger, fear and their counterparts of love, joy and peace. All others are either a combination of these or are not really emotions at all, but are mind stories like guilt is.

Afterwards David Apple, the Chi Gong M.D., gave Remedia a session that left her complaining all day about sore lymph nodes, even though he was extremely gentle.

I was glad to hear her complaining about someone else's work on her besides just mine. She’s so sensitive that she really doesn’t like anyone working on her.

Jasper and Nok came by right after dark. Then Charlie came. Then Mardell.

Our little bungalow was full of laughter and gab for a couple hours.

People were never attracted to me before Krishna did his magical work to open my heart and clear up my relationship problems. Now they come every day in shifts. The really novel thing is that I no longer view their presence as an intrusion.

Jasper and I talked a lot about spiritual matters.

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“There are many valid spiritual paths that all lead to the same place,” I said.

“We want to get from being human to being Ascended Masters. One way we can do it is through doing energy practices while on a spiritual path. These practices transform our emotional, astral and physical bodies into pure energy bodies so that our consciousness has an eternal body to live in.”

“At that point we are immortal and can choose to stay in this universe to help others or leave it as graduates.”

“Vivekananda tells us that we have no way of learning or knowing what is outside our universe. However, Robert Monroe writes about the Being that spoke to him while astral traveling outside the universe, and the physicist David Brom writes that there is a force in physics that lies outside the universe and acts on it.”

“For us, for now, just attaining the rainbow body through transforming our physical bodies into pure energy and becoming an Ascended Master is enough to occupy us.”

“Moses and other prophets in the Bible did it. So did Jesus, the Buddhas, The Three Immortals of Taoism, and many Yogis and Tibetans. The most recent record of a Tibetan attaining it was in 1999 in Dzogchen Valley, Kham Province, Eastern Tibet.”

“It's extremely important to choose one or more of the Ascended Masters who have already made it as your spiritual guide and model. Many New Age people are losing their way, or being misled, because they are in communication with this or that spirit claiming to be an Angel or alien.”

“These beings inhabit this area here, between the humans and Ascended Masters. Buddhism calls these areas the Realm of Demi Gods and the Realm of Gods.”

“The beings here, although they live extremely long lives and have great powers, are still subject to the cycle of birth, death and rebirth. They still error because of emotions and cravings. They can easily fall into the hells or be reborn in any other realm.”

“They want power in this world, and often mislead humans to get it.”

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“The way to avoid them is to follow a well established path like Taoism, Buddhism or a Hindu Yogi. Many practitioners have used these methods successfully over thousands of years.”

“I would rather find my own way,” Jasper asserted.

"Do you get lost, and what happens when you lose your way?" I asked.

"I get lost a lot and go back to drinking and drugs." At least he could be honest.

“Advancements come much quicker to everyone who follows an established path and actually does the practice daily,” I said.

“What about my ego? Will it grow along with my new energy abilities?” he asked.

I had entertained exactly the same thoughts at Krishna's, and I shared his teaching with Jasper.

"The ego serves a good purpose. It's not something to be totally eliminated. A balanced ego gives us enough self confidence in our abilities and spiritual path to overcome doubt and keep us going. What's bad is when too much ego becomes pride and leads us away from true spirituality. The way to balance it is to remain humble. Humility is the key here," I said.

December 31, 2006

I dreamed I was staying at my mother's house and went to the library. It was a massive marble building with pillars in the front and many rooms.

I searched among the books in every room on the ground floor before climbing the wide, sweeping staircase to the second floor.

In the last room, way back in the right corner, I searched among Hindu, Buddhist and New Age books without finding anything that satisfied my urge to read.

I climbed up on a stool, then balanced precariously on a short stepladder, to peer at the last, dusty top shelf. It held some old manuscripts in Urdu and Arabic and a few books in English. I found an old English copy of the Koran.

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Carefully, I climbed down clutching it and left the library.

We had a busy day. We went to breathing in the morning and town in the afternoon. We had a couple of hours rest in the early evening before our guests began arriving to celebrate New Year with us.

January 1, 2007

Happy New Year!!!

I made it!

I thought last year was never going to end. According to my stars, the period of adversity that I have been suffering through should be about over.

We enjoyed a nice quiet celebration last night to see the New Year in. About ten people came, and we did prayer, pin and candle magic for wishes. Then we floated paper lanterns into the night sky with wishes written on them.

At midnight, hundreds of bright lanterns floated up, all together. At one point they all resembled a huge Chinese Dragon floating across the sky.

We had alcohol, but nobody was much interested in drinking.

I'm looking forward very much to this year with hope and optimism. I feel very strongly that, while the trials of last year may not be completely finished, new beginnings are definitely opening up. I hope they come as quickly as I want.

Diz came to breathing session very sick. Everyone tried to help him. Ithaca did some body work. Remedia gave Reiki. I sent golden love and white light while holding Oneness.

I was surprised during discussion when Mardell said she saw the white light around her.

I spent the day getting a massage on my legs from Charlie, writing and teaching. Diz and Mardell accepted Reiki attunements from Remedia, and I gave Mardell a white light initiation that went very well.

She said immediately afterwards, "That was one of the most powerful experiences of my life!"

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She had been very uncertain about her ability to receive it, and I had been equally pessimistic about my ability to give it. However, she's the third person I've connected with no failures.

January 3, 2007

I dreamed that Remedia and I were on the Northern California coast during winter.

I wanted to eat some abalone, but I procrastinated and missed the early morning low tide. When we went to the rocky beach, the tide was high with big winter waves breaking and surging around black rocks in a welter of foam and white water.

It was cold, and all I had on were shorts and a tee shirt. I was reluctant to dive into the cold, dangerous water. I didn't have a pry bar to get the abalone off the rocks, and I had visions of an abalone clamping down on my fingers, trapping me deep under water.

I started climbing around and over the large rocks to get back to Remedia standing at the bottom of the cliff waiting. Looking down, I saw a couple of abalone laying on the edge of a little tide pool. I couldn't believe my good luck! They were already out of the shell and cleaned!

As I picked them up and stuffed them into my large pockets, I saw some more. Every time I picked up the ones I had seen, more appeared until my pockets were stuffed. I had to make another pocket by turning up the bottom of my tee shirt.

"Those are my abalone! Give them back!"

I turned and saw a tall, wild haired Native American Indian dressed in dark clothes and a flat brimmed black hat. He was big and held an old bolt action, single shot rifle across his chest. Three or four of his friends were grouped around Remedia in the distance.

I glanced under the big boulder between us and saw hundreds of cleaned abalone that they had poached and stashed, waiting for darkness to fall before moving them up the cliffs.

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"You've got enough. I just want a few to eat," I said.

"Put them back!" He worked the bolt on the rifle, chambering a long brass shell menacingly.

"You're gonna have to shoot me." I turned my back and started walking away.

I woke up.

My dreams aren't simply entertaining or just prophetic of physical events. They are a wonderful classroom where I'm learning as much or more than I do in meditation or in my waking hours.

Charlie got me up early to go to the mosque and meet the blind Muslim scholar he has been teaching how to walk with a cane.

I had a very good, lengthy talk with the young man. He showed me the proper way to conduct myself in the mosque and spent about two hours explaining Muslim theology until he had to leave for an appointment.

His father served us delicious tea with goat's milk.

His mother asked about the subject of our English language conversation. She left beaming when he told her I was inquiring about their faith.

His brother came to describe my long white beard and told him that I looked like a very wise and kind man.

We have an appointment to continue tomorrow.

Muslim theology is very similar to Christianity. The main points of difference seem to be Christ and Mohamed.

Christians don't recognize Mohamed and believe Christ is God while Muslims believe Christ was a man who was a prophet like Abraham and Moses. Muslims also believe that Mohamed was the final prophet to come before the destruction of the world, resurrection and judgment day.

Isma did say that the white light I love so much is the light of God.

January 4, 2007

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I met a woman.

Blond, blue-eyed, American, late thirties, energy worker, strong body, feminine, from San Francisco. We shared a very intense, personal, forty-five minute conversation about energy work in the midst of fifteen other people all yakking together at the Muslim chai (tea) shop that Isma's family owns. We connected so strongly that everyone else was excluded from our little space.

We connected again during the night on the astral. Her astral form was very light white/gold, kind of wispy and ephemeral and much smaller than my large, powerful dark gold body with its small aura of white light.

I enfolded her into me.

At first she resisted, but I didn't let her go. I simply reassured and calmed her until she relaxed. Then we took a long time to join completely. It was similar to sex on the physical plane, but unexplainably more complete.

Our energy bodies became one being.

We remained one for hours.

Her energy was of a much lighter, finer vibration than mine.

I felt like she was gaining power from me, and I was being opened to a higher frequency through melding with her.

January 5, 2007

When I raised my Kundalini in the morning, the fluid gold energy flowing up my spine and filling my chakras was a finer, lighter vibration.

People started coming before breakfast, and our bungalow was still busy at bedtime. I feel like they get laughter, love, healing and psychic readings from Remedia while I give wisdom and power.

Remedia read my future. She saw that soon I will be like a monk sitting in a little pagoda dispensing wisdom and empowerments.

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I went out on the astral planes during the night. I saw many wispy, ephemeral beings who wanted to meld with me. I suddenly realized that here was another opportunity for addiction like sex or drugs.

With some difficulty, I focused in on AmmaBhagavan and went higher, out of the enticingly addictive plane.

My effort was rewarded. Working with Bhagavan transformed me into clear shimmering waves of light with a small, light gold center.

January 6, 2007

I didn't get my Kundalini done as I usually do.

I stayed in bed letting Remedia sleep as long as she wanted, then people started coming while I was writing my journal before breakfast.

Marty said goodbye. He's off to Laos and Cambodia. I learned a lot from watching him sit so quietly, self contained and unaffected by the thoughts and actions of others around him.

When I asked where he learned to be quiet, he said, "Prison."

Misha came back. She had hot chocolate with us for breakfast. She looked really good and said that the heavy, dragging feeling was gone, leaving her much more energized. I let her read my journal entry for the day Charlie and I worked on her.

"I had black magic done to me once before,” she said when she had finished.

“In Peru I mocked a Shaman, and I felt it go into me. For months afterwards I was sick with Dengue or Malaria or something that the doctors couldn't figure out.”

I was relieved. I hadn't quite known how she would take being told she had been voodooed. Americans have a hard time believing demons and black magic exist outside of Hollywood.

"It's interesting about the dead relative. My husband killed himself. One day afterwards his cat jumped up in my lap, and I called him by my dead husband's

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pet name for him. Suddenly my husband's voice came out of my mouth talking to the cat, and I could feel him inside me."

"Is he still around? I couldn't find anybody when I looked," I said.

"I don't think so. We did a ceremony where we called in his guides and got him to move on from this world."

"Why don't you take a look Honey, and see if anything is still hanging around. Did we get all the voodoo?"

"She have some dead relative hanging around."

"Man or woman?" Misha asked.

"Man." Misha looked satisfied at Remedia's answer, like she knew who it was.

"Does he want to hurt her?" I asked.

"No. He love her and want to help her." Misha looked a little surprised at this.

"There's something in your house or on your boyfriend that's stopping us from getting healing energy in to clear the house. Some charm or magic thing," I said.

"I know what it is. It's on the altar."

"It would really help if it went into the river. Running water will clear away the voodoo," I said.

"OK."

After Misha left, Remedia told me she still had a big mass of off white energy hanging on her left shoulder.

David Apple, the Chi Gong MD, spent the day with us. I enjoyed his tales about Joseph Campbell, Sumerian tablets, American Indians and playing with Chi.

He gave Remedia a lengthy massage and energy treatment in the area around her surgery that she really needed. Then he taught me about the power of affirmations in a way that allowed me to actually experience it. He's strongly considering marrying a local Lisu woman of thirty-eight with three grown children.

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I advised him on traditional Thai marriage customs (the gold ring, bracelet, necklace and earrings, the monthly allowance, the different merits of killing a pig or water buffalo for the wedding feast and the house he may have to build for her parents) and Remedia read his aura. It was all good fun between experienced energy workers.

After an expensive, mock Mexican dinner in town, Remedia and I bought van tickets to Chang Mai.

Remedia began feeling powerful after effects from David's treatment. She experienced pain, weakness and difficulty walking.

Den, Somdit's son, came by on his motorcycle and gave her a ride home.

I went to buy food for later and saw Nuch, Pee Sow's daughter. She said her mother was feeling down and asked me to stop by on my way home.

Pee Sow was busy packing when I arrived.

"I found a house!" she exclaimed with a big smile. She chattered happily about moving away from Somdit's kids into a new place of her own.

Bhagavan had granted her wish.

January 7, 2007

Last day in Pai.

Ithaca and Remedia cuddled in the breathing group. During discussion Ithaca told Remedia that he had a memory of them being lovers in another lifetime.

She's heard that before from others. Remedia's soft love and healing energies make both men and women fall in love with her.

Many friends gathered to see us off to Singapore. It's hard to believe that we've touched so many lives so deeply and personally in only twenty-five days.

The amazingly effective mind to mind teachings of Krishna Kantha, and the bountiful blessings of AmmaBhagavan, have changed our lives already.

A few short weeks ago we were broken shells. Now we’re able to help ourselves and everyone around us.

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Thank you Krishna Kantha.

Thank you AmmaBhagavan.

The whole, amazing Universe can flow through us.

That brave new Universe awaits our exploration.

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Other Books by Richard Crown

Successful Meditation Made Easy

This basic meditation and healing manual is filled with the practical information

you need to build a practice that will advance you safely and quickly to

realization.

It contains over 25 spiritual healing meditations and exercises, 40 color

illustrations and many links to other valuable resources.

You’ll discover:

1—The 12 stages of Spiritual growth.

2—The 4 components of a successful practice.

3—The 5 types of practice that work.

4—The 10 aids that keep your practice alive and healthy.

5—What your 5 bodies are and how they work.

6—The 6 basic human emotions and how to transform them.

7—How to use love to heal your emotions and relationships.

8—How your energy system works.

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9—Where energy comes from and how you can get more of it.

What you get

To satisfy your intellectual mind, In the Beginning starts with a general

discussion of different types of meditation and different energy healing

systems. It provides a description of the human energy system and exercises to

help you clean, heal and grow your aura, chakras and energy connections.

Both passive beginner meditation exercises like Empty Mind and active

meditations like Chi Gong are presented along with advantages and

disadvantages.

You’ll find out how to:

1—Meditate easily and successfully.

2—Build a strong, successful meditation and healing practice.

3--Know that Love is a real energy.

4—Use your awareness to observe, control and transform energy.

5—Cut years off growing your practice by receiving initiations that take you

very deep very fast.

6-- Become able to use any meditation or alternative healing system safely.

7—Use healing power without harming yourself or others.

8--Chose the right teachers and spiritual meditation practices while respecting

your religious views.

Fast Spiritual Growth

The most stable and fastest meditation techniques are emphasized. This is the

path of receiving initiations from realized teachers that gives you the ability to

instantly do what they can. You then do your practice to keep your new ability.

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In The Beginning is the first book in the Luminous Being series. The set

provides an outline of the path from beginning meditation to becoming a

completely healed, fully realized person –an awakened member of the newly

emerging human race that’s living in blissful Super Consciousness.

Spiritual Adventure!

India –the fabled land of Ashrams and Gurus, Fakirs and Enlightenment. Love

pours out of Mother India’s very soul, but cheats and scoundrels abound.

In this true life tale, a man without the use of his arms, and the woman who

loves and cares for him, journey through the Spiritual kaleidoscope of this

ancient land.

Richard, an American expat, is searching for the Guru that will enable him to

transform his disabled body into pure light. Remedia, a Shaman from the

Philippine’s Wari-Wari Tribe, wants more healing power and greater psychic

abilities to deepen her Spiritual meditation.

No Money!

Without enough money to finance their journey, they’re forced to teach

meditation techniques and do alternative healing as they travel. To survive,

they must put into practical use the amazing Spiritual gifts they keep receiving.

Bringing relief to people plagued with suffering grants them deep insights into

the lives of those they meet and into their own practice.

They both find realization unexpectedly in unforeseen ways.

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Share their inspiring, highly Spiritual journey through strange lands and the

even stranger worlds seen in meditation. Learning how to meditate and use the

meditation practices and energy exercises in this book can take you to the

same heights and depths of Spiritual growth that brought Richard and Remedia

freedom.

Take an online meditation course via Skype, enjoy a healing session or browse

our blog. Shaktipat-meditation.org

Page 188: Beggar and Shaman I 972

About the Author “Being in the Divine Soul is all.”

“People often ask if we’re Gurus. I always laugh and say, ‘I’m just a guy that

likes to meditate.’”

“Remedia doesn’t just like to meditate; Remedia LOVES to meditate.”

Richard Crown’s passions are Remedia, meditation, healing and writing about

them. His life purpose is Spiritual growth and helping others grow.

Richard grew up in Northern California, then he went to Alaska where he

worked as a logger and fisherman until moving to Asia.

At thirty, a motorcycle accident took the use of his arms. He was forced to work

with his mind instead of his body. He went to an American university where he

received a Western style education.

Back in Asia, he spent fifteen very interesting years as a crippled beggar playing

music on the streets of Asia’s newly rich mega cities.

After meeting Remedia, he became fascinated with the magical healing power

coming out of her hands that relieved his chronic pain better than drugs. They

began traveling Asia together, seeking out Masters and Gurus to learn from

while healing and teaching others themselves.

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Richard and Remedia have learned from some of Asia’s greatest teachers. Their

personal favorites are:

1--Luang Pa Kai –a Thai Buddhist abbot.

2--Krishna Kantha –Thailand’s Living Saint.

3--Mantak Chia –the world’s foremost English speaking Chi Gong teacher.

4--AmmaBhagavan –married Gurus who guide them in meditation and visions.

5—Sakthi Amma—living SatGuru who blesses thousands daily in

Melmaravathur, Tamil Nadu, South India.

6--Ramana Maharshi –his living spirit still loves and teaches all who meditate

beside his tomb.

7--Bade –Doctor Siddhar still performs miraculous healings to supplicants at his

tomb.

Richard writes books on meditation and healing and blogs at Shaktipat

Meditation In Love. His abilities to meditate in the deepest states, explain them

clearly and guide others into them effortlessly make him a gifted teacher. He’s

also a powerful healer, using Love to relieve people of the burdens of

emotional disturbances, psychic attacks and entities.

Remedia can then work her healing magic free of negative energies.

Beneath his no-nonsense, hard-working exterior, Richard is an extremely kind,

loving man who always gives exactly what is needed when teaching meditation

or doing healing. He is a Grandfather, meditation teacher, healer and author.

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Excerpt From

IN THE BEGINNING:

How to Meditate & Heal With Love

Beginner Meditation Techniques to Grow Healing Power—Safe &

FAST!

Please enjoy reading the passages below and try the Love meditations.

Chapter 12. Love: The Most Important Element

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12.2 Using Love Wisely

Love permeates our entire Universe. It’s present in all of creation. It’s the most

powerful energy in existence.

Love mixes in with all other positive energies, making them far more powerful.

Being grateful to love opens your heart wide and increases power levels

exponentially. Being focused in love and gratitude grants you access to the

most powerful energies existing.

Love has the magical ability to transform all other energies into love.

When used in selfless compassion, without agenda, love changes anger,

sadness, fear and their combinations into love. It dissolves psychic attacks

(black magic) and emotional attacks. It changes demons and evil spirit into

beautiful light beings.

Love heals broken hearts and fractured souls. It smoothes the passage of souls

from this life to the next.

Love brings joyful healing and the fastest possible Spiritual growth to all whom

it touches.

Focusing yourself in love before using other energies will keep you strongly

anchored in the correct frame of mind so that you don’t make mistakes with

using energy wrongly. Misusing energy happens when you are in a state of

anger, sadness, fear, pride or greed.

Another big trap is using energy to force a “good” outcome to a bad situation.

Let’s say your partner smokes cigarettes, enjoys smoking and doesn’t want to

quit. You love your partner very much and know smoking is killing him. You

decide to deliberately use energy to force him to quit.

Doing so sets up several unhealthy conflicts.

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He really enjoys smoking, wants to smoke and doesn’t understand why he quit.

He will return to smoking or find another, perhaps even more harmful,

addiction to turn to.

A basic conflict will form between your strong desire for him to stop smoking

and his strong desire to smoke. This conflict will carry over into other areas of

your relationship and harm them.

A much more beneficial approach is for you to simply give him healing love

without any agenda that imposes on his free will. In this way your desire is

eliminated and love can work its magic and bring about the best possible

outcome. This may be very different than your plan for love.

Another example of misusing energy is love charms.

Let’s say a woman comes to you crying in desperation because a man she loves

(desires) doesn’t love her. You feel sorry for her and want to help her. You

make the man marry her.

He knows he doesn’t love her, or want to marry her, and he doesn’t

understand why he married her. They have children.

Then one day he falls in real love with another woman who loves him truly.

A lot of lives are going to be afflicted. And your energy work caused the whole

mess.

What will the effect be on you?

In both examples, desire is what created the problem. The desire needs to be

eliminated, not satisfied in a harmful manner.

Using energy to infringe on free will creates recipes for disaster.

Using energy wrongly can bring very harmful effects to yourself and everyone

around you. This damage can last for lifetimes.

The solution is to always be in a state of selfless, compassionate love yourself.

This will automatically carry over into your energy work and protect you. You’ll

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make the correct decisions without even having to consider them. You’ll simply

“know.”

Begin building love in yourself with the meditations below.

The first exercise is very simple. You should always do it before working with

other energies.

The flower is a real energy formation that your logical mind interprets as a

flower. As your practice deepens and you’ve been using the flower for some

time, its true nature will reveal itself in unfolding stages.

12.2 Flowering Heart Meditation

1--Sit comfortably.

2--Hold your hands in your lap, palms up, right on top of left with the tips of

your thumbs touching each other. Notice that your arms form a circle. The

circle crosses your chest through your heart.

3--Focus your mind softly on the center of your chest.

4--Be aware of any energy or emotion moving in your chest.

5—See/feel a beautiful flower opening in the center of your chest.

6—As the flower opens, you can see/feel waves of love coming out of the

flower.

7—The waves of love wash away all the pain in your heart –anger, sadness and

fear all transform into love.

8—Waves of love fill your entire chest.

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9—The energy of love flows down both your arms to your hands and up your

arms to your heart, around and around in a beautiful circle of love that grows

stronger and stronger as the flower glows brighter and brighter.

10--Rest in love.

The circle of love that forms flows in both directions –down your right arm and

up your left arm, down your left arm and up your right arm. Love flows around

your arms in both directions through the same space at the same time.

This is a counter rotating energy field. Counter rotating energy fields have

many useful attributes.

1--Power levels increase exponentially.

2—It becomes very easy to shift into other states of consciousness.

3—A portal to other dimensions forms.

From the basic Flowering Heart meditation you can go on to many other uses

for love. Love really does heal all. Its use is limited only by your imagination.

12.3 Love is a Real Energy

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Play with the beautiful energy of love in this exercise. Love is very real. It’s

palpable, moldable, and it’s so incredibly alive.

1—Do exercise 12.2 to get into the energy.

2—Hold your hands in front of yourself with the palms facing each other 2 or 3

inches apart.

3—Slowly move your hands closer together and then further apart.

4—Feel what’s between your hands. (It may feel hot, cool, tingling, magnetic,

elastic, like pins and needles or you may just feel resistance between your

hands.)

5—Form love into a lovely energy ball between your hands, much like you

would form a ball of bread dough into a bun.

6—Close your eyes and look into your love ball. Just allow your mind to drift

into the ball between your hands.

7—Gently and slowly, lift your ball up to you chest and massage it into your

heart.

12.4 Loving Yourself

1--Do exercise 12.2 to get focused in love.

2—The circle of love grows stronger and stronger, the flower glows brighter

and brighter.

3—Waves of love begin flowing out through your entire being.

4—Love washes every cell in your body, cleansing all.

5—All your cells glow with vibrant love.

As you do this exercise, you might notice love striking blocks inside you.

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You may experience anger rising up from your liver as love releases it. You

actually feel quite angry and see what you’re angry about. Just remain focused

on your flower and the beautiful waves of pure love.

The waves of love will transform the anger, and then they dissolve away the

accompanying story in your mind.

This can happen with any emotion in any area of your body.

Just allow the waves of love to heal all.

After some practice, you might want to start taking a more active role.

Your mind controls energy. Your mind can tell energy where to go, what to do

there, even what kind of energy it should be. You have the ability to simply tell

one kind of energy to change to another. The energy must obey your mind.

Use love’s energy to heal yourself and others. You can feel/see the other

emotions of sadness, anger or fear inside yourself or another. Send love into

those undesired emotions while using your mind to tell them to change to love.

12.5 Loving Others

Please do this exercise with no attempt to guide or control others. You are

transforming their emotional blocks, not them. Realize that they have free will

and can chose to behave any way they want to with the love that you freely

give to them with no attachment to the outcome.

1—Do exercise 12.2 to get centered in love.

2—Send a golden beam of pure love from your flower into the other person’s

heart.

3—See/feel waves of love expanding out through their entire being.

4—Transform with love anything that arises.

5—Cutting the beam between you when you’re finished prevents energy loss.

Leaving it in place strengthens the bond of love between you. It’s your choice.

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Love is the crucial element in successful healing and meditation.