BE AN OUTSIDER - Nilambe Meditation Centrenilambe.net/resources/BE AN OUTSIDER IF YOU WANT TO... ·...
Transcript of BE AN OUTSIDER - Nilambe Meditation Centrenilambe.net/resources/BE AN OUTSIDER IF YOU WANT TO... ·...
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BE AN OUTSIDER
IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE INSIDE
Talk given by our Teacher
Upul Nishantha Gamage
At Nilambe Buddhist Meditation Centre
Published by
Nilambe Buddhist Meditation Centre
Nilambe. Sri Lanka
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For further readings and audios
www.nilambe.net www.nilambe-deshana.net
For further info
Graphic design by www.artenlighten.com English revised by Ms. Kanthi Liyanage Copyright © Upul Nishantha Gamage March 2012 Printer: Ruchira offset printers ISBN: 978-955-5420-0-0
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CONTENTS:
1. Looking for positive changes 5
2. The highest miracle 8
3. The sleep cannot change us 10
4. Concentration meditation 11
5. A beautiful story 18
6. The ego becomes a great fighter 23
7. The muddy water 24
8. The wandering mind 26
9. The tricky mind 28
10. “Neither mind, no mind” 31
11. An experience 32
12. Awareness meditation 34
13. The wandering mind as a meditation object 42
14. The gap between the in-breath and the out-breath 47
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1. Looking for positive changes
Dear friends, as meditators we are looking for some
positive changes. If we are totally happy about our present
state, if we are totally happy about our current situation,
then we are not here, then we would not become
meditators and we wouldn’t do anything. We do everything
in our lives to make a change, to change something, we
want to change others, we try to change others, we try to
change the society, the system, the country, the world, and
we want to change everything. We put a lot of effort; spend
so much of time, energy, money, power to change the
world, to change others.
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But we didn’t come here for that, at least directly not
for that, maybe indirectly we like/want to change ourselves,
we like/want to change our lives or to change our mind.
That is why we are here. When I ask from the people, who
come here to learn meditation, “Why are you interested in
meditation?” they use to say that they want to change
somebody else, it is not a very rare answer. Some people
come for meditation to change others, they think that once
they meditate they can get some energy; some power,
some psychic power, skills to change others, to change
their partner, to change their children. Of course we can
change others by changing ourselves. There is no way to
change others without changing yourself. There are many
ways of course; rituals, pray, punishments, political power,
and some other religious and spirituals chanting. We use
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all of these things to change others, to change the external
conditions. Sometimes it may work; sometimes chanting
works, sometimes political power, punishment, war, etc.
works. They can change things in the world but they cannot
change the person, the inside of us. Wars cannot do it;
punishments, chanting, rituals, pray, none of those can
change a person. To whom we are going to chant or pray?
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2. The highest miracle
That is why meditation is so important. That is why
we try to meditate to change ourselves. If we do not want to
change ourselves then what is the point of meditating. If
you want to exist the way that you are existing at the
moment, then no need to do anything. We are here to
change ourselves, as we think that meditation can help us
to change. Once we meditate then that meditation makes a
different person. We like to think in this way, we think that
meditation is miraculous. We like miracles. Of course
changing the inner self is the biggest miracle, there are no
other miracles that you can compare it with. According to
the Lord Buddha the highest miracle, is to change a
person but not creating things. You can let a miracle
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happen to create things but when we compare it with the
change that can take place inside, the inner person, all the
other kinds of miracles are lower than that.
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3. The sleep cannot change us
So dear friends, we like to change our mind, we like
to change our thinking, that is why we sit here for hours
and hours, that is why we wake up so early. We know the
sleep cannot change us. If sleep can change us then we
can sleep for hours and hours, for days and days. But even
after eight hours or after twelve hours, even after a day,
when we wake up we are the same; we are the same
person, no difference, there are no differences between our
state yesterday and today. That is why we wake up early
morning, come to this room and try to meditate.
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4. Concentration meditation
When we think about meditation, there are many
meanings, many interpretations for that. One of the most
popular English word for meditation is concentration. That
is a very attractive word, very attractive concept;
concentration, one-pointed. Ninety nine percent of the
meditators like the idea of “concentration”. They meditate
for that, to concentrate, to stop the thinking mind. We do
not like the thinking mind, we use the thinking mind for
everything else, but whenever we come for meditation, we
do not like it. Then we start thinking how to stop the
thinking mind. So then, we search; for techniques, for the
most suitable technique, for a suitable place, for a suitable
teacher and for a qualified teacher to stop the thinking
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mind. That is why I like to speak about concentration
meditation briefly.
You may be aware that it is not so easy to
concentrate on one object despite your commitment. It
becomes one of the most difficult things in the world. Your
meditation object might be the in and out-breathing, a
sound, your posture, walking, a single word, a single
thought, a single image or a mantra. You can use one of
these objects to concentrate, to develop concentration and
stability. You can look at a candle, a flower or whatever
available. Focus your full attention to that object, focus your
full attention to that sound or focus your full attention to that
mental image. But you know it is not easy, you can do it for
a second and from the next second onwards the mind will
start to think so many other things, so many other things
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except your meditation object. Then you have to bring your
mind back to the object and again your mind goes away,
and again you have to bring it back. So this is the way you
have to develop the concentration practice. You may hear
a sound, a sound of a vehicle and your mind wants to think
about it. As a concentration meditation practitioner, you
have to say “no” to that thought. You have to say that as
you are not allowed to think about that sound. You must
come back to that object, and after some time again the
mind would want to think about these memories, but you
have to say “no, no”. See how many times you have to say
"no”, whenever you do concentration practices, thousands
of times you have to say “no” and a very few times you can
say “yes, yes” for the meditation object and “no” for all the
other kinds of experiences, other objects. When you
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practice meditation in this way, finally you become a big
NO, very big NO and a very small YES.
You have to fight against everything; fight against
the sound, the world, pain, thoughts, memories,
expectations and everything. Without fighting against
everything you cannot practice concentration meditation,
because you want to change the mind; you want to stop the
mind, you want to transform your thinking mind into a non-
thinking mind and concentrate the mind. So at the
beginning, very beginning, very little conflicts were there
between you and your mind, but after some time, after
practicing concentration meditation, the conflict becomes
bigger and bigger, stronger and stronger. The mind
becomes a trouble. Before it was not like that but now
every single thought can be a problem, a disturbance, a
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distraction for a concentration meditator. And if you go back
to your normal life with this training, it is very difficult to
maintain it, very difficult to practice concentration
meditation in your daily life; especially as a lay person, as a
family member, as a partner. Very difficult. I know, I have
many experiences with different types of meditators.
When they are here they are very calm, very quiet
and after that, they go back to their normal life with lots of
confidence, thinking that they can continue their practice.
Before they leave, they are very happy, as they think they
can continue their practice they want to come back next
year. But they may come back within two weeks. I used ask
them, “Why did you come back in two weeks? You said you
will come back in one year.” They use to say that it is not
easy; it is difficult to meditate in the family atmosphere, the
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working atmosphere and in the society. That is not the
truth, but it can be true if you start saying “no” to your
family life, “no” to your job, “no” to everything as you
practice to say “no” to the thoughts that disturbe your
concentration meditation.
It is easier to fight but difficult to win. Especially if
you fight against your own mind, it will be a never ending
fight. As you know there are countless thoughts passing
through your mind, so you have to fight against every
single thought, but still the mind can produce thoughts
again and again, there is no full stop, even on weekends,
on holidays mind is thinking, mind produces thoughts, no
vacation for the mind, no holidays even during the sleep.
So, “how do you fight against something like the mind?
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Unfortunately most of the meditators, consciously or
unconsciously, become fighters and they think that is the
way to meditate, that is the way to practice meditation by
fighting against them. They are very innocent, most of the
meditators are very innocent, they do not kill a single
mosquito, they do not kill a single leech, they are very
innocent for others but for themselves very hard, very
tough. Poor mind, poor body!
Before the Lord Buddha, there were many
meditation practices, but all of them were mainly
concentration practices. Yogi means fighters, they have to
fight against their emotions, thoughts and thinking mind.
Fighting, fighting, fighting...
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5. A beautiful story
There is a beautiful story. Once a man came to meet
a Meditation Master and he asked: “Dear Sir, dear Master
please teach me how not to think, how to stop my thinking
mind.” The Master said: “I am sorry there is no way to do
it”. And the man replied: “Do not say like that, you are a
great Master, everybody comes to see you and get your
advices, you advice everybody but not me, you show no
kindness to me. I am suffering because of my thinking
mind, I want to forget certain things, I do not want to think
of certain things, I want to eat, no way, so please help me.”
Finally the Master said: “Well, then I’ll teach you a
technique.” So when that man got this positive answer he
was so happy.
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- Oh, please tell me what the technique is, I can sit
and practice right now.
- No, no, you have to go back home, practice the
whole day today and come back tomorrow, and
tell me the result.
- What is the technique?
- The technique is: “Please do not think about
monkeys.”
- Ahhhh, I do not think about monkeys in my entire
life.
- There is no hurry to answer this question, please
go back home and practice this technique, and
come back tomorrow.
So he went back home. On the way back he
thought, “Oh! I should not think about monkeys,” so he
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starts thinking about some other things but thoughts about
monkeys came to his mind and suddenly he realized it, and
he stopped thinking about monkeys and started thinking
about elephants. But his mind didn’t want to think about
elephants, his mind wanted to think about monkeys.
You can do this technique, you can do it as an
experiment. Just try not to think about monkeys for five
minutes, not for the entire day, try it and see the result.
He made an effort to stop thinking about monkeys
and tried to direct his mind to somewhere else but again
thoughts about monkeys came back. He was so irritated,
so agitated and he was so angry about monkeys. Therefore
whenever a thought about monkeys came to his mind he
got very angry, he was fighting against this thoughts and
the fight became real. It was just like as if he was fighting
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against real monkeys, the monkeys appeared in his mind,
they came as images, as real images, and finally he saw
real monkeys. When he saw monkeys he became more
and more angry and then monkeys got angry too, they tried
to jump onto him, they tried to bit him, so it became a
mess, he was so afraid, so afraid, and so agitated. He ran
to the temple to see the Master immediately within a half an
hour. The Master said: “oh, you came now, I asked you to
come tomorrow. Did you find the way not to think?”
He said: “No, no, I do not want to know how not to think, I
do not want it, please save me from these monkeys.”
We can laugh at the story, but how many times has
it happened to us? How many times? First time in his life
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those monkeys become a problem. That is at the point
when he tries not to think about them.
Whenever you try not to think about something, you
waste your energy. Whenever you try to forget something
you waste energy to remember it again and again. There is
no way to forget things, no way.
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6. The ego becomes a great fighter
So we do not like the thinking mind therefore we try
to stop it. We put so much of effort to stop it. The ego puts
so much effort because “I” do not like the mind, “I” want the
concentrated mind, “I” want the one-pointed mind. All these
ideas are coming from the “I”. So who is meditating? “I”,
“ego” is meditating, ego is fighting, ego becomes a great
fighter.
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7. The muddy water
As you know, when a pond is rippling, when there
are waves, the water becomes muddy. Then how can we
settle it down? Is there a technique to calm down the pond,
to settle down the mud? How to make a pond still?
We think that we can do it. We can do it, so we put a
hand into the pond to stop the waves. Whenever you touch
the water, more and more waves are created and as a
result water becomes more and more muddy. Then you
think that one hand is not enough, I have to make more
effort, and then you put both hands and try to stop the
waves. What happen then, you will put your legs too.
We did not understand the relationship between our
ego and the wandering mind. The muddy water, the waves,
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between the waves and ego. We think our ego is not good
enough, so we strengthen our ego with determination,
energy to stop the waves. Finally we jump into the pond.
By jumping into the muddy water we think, ohhhh! Now we
can stop it.
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8. The wandering mind
Likewise, most of the concentration meditators
are inside the wandering mind, they jump into the
wandering mind, and then thoughts are scattered
everywhere, everywhere. Then they complain: “before I
start meditation there were no thoughts, even I did not
know I was thinking, even I did not know I had such a
memory before. Now all kinds of old memories I
remember, they come to me during my practice. What
has happened to me, I am going to be crazy now.” Not
only that, but also most of the meditators complain:
“before meditation I used to sleep very peacefully and
now not, my sleep is full of dreams.”
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This is the natural result, during the day time you
can fight against your thoughts, you can make some effort
not to think and repress and suppress. But soon after you
fall asleep, the controller is not there, you are not there
anymore. No way to control, the controller is in a deep
sleep. The meditator is in a deep sleep. The concentration
practitioner is in a deep sleep. Then the mind can do
whatever the mind wants to do; now the mind has so much
energy, so much energy. All the night you will dream many
different kinds of dreams, no peace, no peace at all, but still
you can fight, still the meditator can fight against his/her
own thoughts and mind.
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9. The tricky mind
Mind is very tricky, very very tricky. According to
Buddhism the mind is a magician, it can do so much magic.
And we believe it, every single magic is real for us, very
real for us. We may argue with others but not with our
mind, nobody argues with their own mind, we all believe
our mind 100%, 200%. Whenever we dream do we argue?
No, nobody can argue about it, everybody believes in
dreams 100%. You know how crazy the dreams are, but
we all believe our dreams. We become very foolish and
stupid like small children. Whatever our mind says that is
true for us, that is the reality for us. During the daytime we
are scientists, philosophers, we are very bright, rational
thinkers. But whenever we sleep, where is the scientist?
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Where is the philosopher? Where is the rational thinker?
They all are in a deep sleep. Then, who is experiencing the
dream? The small child who believes everything, the whole
mess.
So it is the nature of the mind, and it is the
relationship we build between the mind and ourselves. We
are not the Masters of the mind, not at all. The mind is the
Master and we are followers or slaves. The mind does so
many magic and every single magic is very real for us. If
the mind says this man is very good then this man is very
good for us, and next day our mind says this man is not
good then it becomes the reality for us. We did not ask, “Oh
mind, you said he is very good yesterday, you cannot
change it in this way.” No, never, we do not argue with our
mind, we believe everything. So mind is changing its
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attitude in every single second, and we follow, we are blind
followers of our own mind, followers of our own crazy mind,
tricky mind. So if you fight against a mind of this type again
and again, then finally the mind plays a very tricky magic.
After long time of practice you will not be able to find the
mind, it is like no mind, now no thoughts, no thinking. You
think that it is the end of your practice and now “I won, I am
the winner”. It is a game! It is like a hibernated mind, it will
come back and whenever it comes back we cannot face it,
we cannot handle it. So for a short period, for a temporally
period the mind disappears. Then we stop the fight, we
think now there is no party, no mind, no thoughts. But it is a
part of the game, part of the war, part of the fight.
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10. “Neither mind nor mind”
At the beginning Lord Buddha did all kinds of these
practices and finally He came up to this point: “neither mind
nor mind”, nobody can say that there is a mind or not. But
the Buddha, He, Himself realized that it is not the freedom
which He was looking for, He was still a slave of the mind.
This is something mind made us to experience, all kinds of
experiences are mind made. We are looking for
experiences, if we are so attracted to these experiences
and if you wish to have these experiences then in the
practical life, it is not possible to experience it. If it is not
possible for us to experience certain things in our practical
life, then we dream. Your mind gives you an experience
through a dream.
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11. An experience
Once I was teaching meditation to some school
students, the discussion was about dreams. I asked them
to share their dreams, there were twenty students and most
of them had the same dream. Even though they had the
same dream, they did not know it. They were experiencing
the same dream, so what can be the dream? They have hit
one of the teachers in the dream and most of the students
had the same dream. Then I asked: “why do you want to hit
that teacher?” and they said that the teacher was very
aggressive, not kind, and when he was teaching they were
so afraid, as he often blames them and sometimes he hits
them, so they wanted to hit him back but no way to do it
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during the day time, they all had this desire to hit him. So
their minds made this experience a reality for them during
the sleep, during the dream. So whatever we experience in
our life, all of them are mind made, even no mind is a mind
made experience. It’s really good to realize it.
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12. Awareness meditation
The Buddha realized it as an illusion, then He did
not know what to do and nobody was there to teach him
something else. Then suddenly He remembered that once
when He was a child He did some kind of a meditation
called awareness. Awareness means that you are not
inside the mind, it is a very important difference. You are
watching, observing, looking. So He started to practice this
awareness meditation and He became an Enlightened
One, He became the Lord Buddha by practising
awareness.
When we do practice awareness we do not try to
control anything, this is one of the biggest differences
between the awareness meditation and the concentration
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meditation. We are not saying “no, no, no…” Whatever we
experience we try to be aware. No need to say “no”, no
need to reject, no need to refuse, no need to deny, no need
to push it away. What is the point of repressing or
suppressing? Because the practice is awareness,
awareness means to know what is happening, to see what
is happening. No fight, you are not becoming a fighter,
instead of fighting you can experience lots of peace,
whatever happens you are at peace, it is very important.
Not only with positive things, even with negative things you
are peaceful because you do not have any wishes such as
what should happen or what should not happen. These
demanding and commanding words come from the ego,
what should happen and what should not happen.
Whatever happens we try to see it, to look at it. So you are
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becoming an observer, not a controller, not a director,
not a producer but you are becoming a spectator.
This is the real transformation, this is the real
change. You are not inside the mind, you are not inside the
thoughts. If you want to see something, you have to
maintain certain distance from that object, if the object is
too close to your eyes you cannot see it, you cannot look at
it. That is why we cannot see our own eyes because the
eyes and the object are too close. So you have to maintain
a significant distance, you have to step back from the
object, then you can see it. Whenever you are becoming an
observer that distance will come naturally, it comes
naturally. So you can maintain a significant distance from
your mind, from your thoughts, from your emotions, from
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your body too. Now, before the awareness we were inside
the body, we were inside the mind, we were inside the
headache, thirst, tiredness and sleepiness, and the pain
was around us. In this way; pain, tiredness, thirst, hunger
was everywhere. We were inside, you can see, you can
imagine that picture. We are becoming smaller and smaller,
if we are inside. The experience, the pain, it becomes
bigger and bigger, so finally we are becoming micro beings.
Then the experience becomes a problem.
The same thing happens to us if we are inside the
mind. If you are inside the anger then everywhere is anger,
whatever you hear anger is there, whatever you see anger
is there, whatever you think, you think with anger, you eat
with anger, you speak with anger, you walk with the anger,
and you sleep with the anger. Whenever you sleep with the
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anger then you have to wake up with the anger, because
you are inside the anger. We can start looking at anger,
then the anger becomes the object, it becomes an object.
Whenever you start to watch it, soon after, effortlessly the
distance appears, then you are not the anger anymore,
anger is there still but you are not the anger anymore, you
are here and anger is there, fear is there. You are not
inside the fear, the pain is there, the headache is there but
you are not inside the headache, if you are inside the
headache then no way to look at it, no way to observe it,
just you have to suffer, just you have to experience the
pain, that is all.
There is another meaningful story, I do not know
whether this story is true or not. Once the Great Alexander
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came to India and the entire India surrendered to him, he
wanted to go back to Greece but his teacher asked him to
bring a yogi from India to Greece. Because Greece was a
beautiful country, a wonderful country, which has created
many things; artists, scientists, greatest philosophers,
greatest scientists, soldiers, thinkers but not a single
meditator. After that the Great Alexander, commanded the
soldiers to find a yogi, a meditator and send him there. But
it was very difficult to find a meditator because all the
meditators have gone away due to the war. They
fortunately found a meditator at the end and they invited
him to come with them to see their empire.
- He said, “No, I do not want to see it.”
- “Yes, you must come, if you come we can give you
lots of gifts, money. You can stay in our Palace.”
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- “I was in a Palace before and I got rid of everything
and became a meditator, I do not want anything
else, anything now.”
- “if you do not come, our king will put you in to the
prison.”
- “I was in a prison and now I am free, that prison was
the biggest prison, it is called the mind, I am free
from that prison now. So nobody can make a bigger
prison than the mind for me.”
So as there was no way to bring him to the Great
Alexander, the soldiers told the Great Alexander about the
situation and he commanded;
- “if you do not come I will kill you, I can see your
death.”
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- “Yes you can see my death, I also can see my
death because I am an outsider, I am an outsider to
me, I am not living inside anymore. Whatever you
see within me, I also see it.”
So I do not know the rest of the story, anyway this is the
real miracle.
If you do not like something within your life please
observe it, instead of fighting, refusing, rejecting,
resisting and disliking by being an outsider.
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13. The wandering mind as a meditation object
If you really want to change the life patterns, look at
the life, look at the style, look at the rhythm. Learn to be an
outsider, as an outsider look at it, feel it, experience it. If
you want to change your wandering mind, use your
wandering mind as your meditation object.
See the beautiful aspects of this awareness practice.
No fight, no need to fight, no need to control, no need to
stop, just look at the wandering mind. Use the wandering
mind as a meditation object. Say “yes” to the wandering
mind instead of saying “no”, say “yes, yes,” I am looking at
you now. You can wander, you can think whatever you
want to think I am not disturbing you, I am not controlling
you, I am not going to try to stop you but I am continuously
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watching, I am continuously observing you. So whatever
you think I know, wherever you go I can see you, whatever
happens to you I know. You cannot do anything secretly,
there is no secret because I am observing, always I am
observing. So whenever you make some distance from the
mind, then the mind cannot wander because mind needs
some energy to wander, mind needs fuel, food for its
journey. So who is supplying food, who is giving fuel? We,
we feed the mind to wander; we provide fuel for all kinds of
mental journeys, to go to the past, to the future, to here and
there.
But whenever you withdraw your position then no
food for the mind, no food for the wandering mind, no food
for the anger, no food for the fear, not fuel for the thoughts,
then the mind stops by itself. This is a natural state of the
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mind, you are not under pressure, you are not repressing
or suppressing anything.
The concentrated or one-pointed mind, comes
whenever we are ready, it happens whenever we are
prepared; it happens naturally, it happens effortlessly, it
happens beautifully, like a blooming flower. Therefore learn
to observe, observe your emotions, observe your suffering
and observe your sadness. Without thinking they are
negative. Whenever we think they are negative, they are
black, this is not the way to look at them, we cannot see
them with that attitude, with that judgement and feedback.
A closed mind cannot see the real picture. Therefore we
need be open minded, non-judgemental mind.
If you are not inside the anger then it does not
matter whether anger is good or bad, whether thoughts are
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positive or negative, it does not matter. It is not yours
anymore. Do you want to be the owner of this anger? Do
you want to be the owner of this wandering mind? Muddy
mind? Do you want to make an ownership with the sadness
with the fear, with all kind of suffering? We used to think in
this way, we are the owners, so please let this ownership
go off, if you really want to let go the anger, then please let
go the ownership. Not the anger, nothing to do with the
anger, nothing to do with the mind, nothing to do with the
thoughts, nothing to do with any emotion. Just give up your
ownership. Let go the ownership.
Then you can look at it as an outsider, as an
external person. Whenever you fight with your mind and
your thoughts then always thoughts would crop up, but
whenever you start to look at them, then you can
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experience no thoughts, sometimes no fear, no sadness,
no anxiety, no depression, you can find some moments,
some gap, some freedom, some space.
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14. The gap between the in-breath
and the out-breath
We think we are breathing all the time, either
inhaling or exhaling, but that is what the scientist told us.
We are breathing all the time but whenever you start to
observe the breath, observe the breathing, in the beginning
yes, the body is breathing in and out, inhaling, exhaling,
inhaling, exhaling…and at the beginning actually we do
both together, we start to inhale and before it is completed
we started to exhale. While inhaling, we want to exhale,
while exhaling we want to inhale. Just see what happens at
the beginning of the practice, you can see the way we
breathe, in our entire life, it is the way we breathe we want
to control it, we want to manipulate it, we want to regulate
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it, we are not allowing the body to breathe in the way the
body likes to breathe, we want to jump into the breath, we
did it, therefore the body cannot breathe freely so the
breath becomes unhealthy. We inhale. In the middle of the
exhalation we start to inhale then we are not inhaling the
fresh air. That is why we have lot of breathing problems, so
when the breath becomes problematic then the entire
system becomes a problematic as well.
At the beginning of the meditation when we say now
it is an in-breath and then we breathe, but before we say it
is an in-breath, the out-breath starts. We cannot finish the
sentence, we inhale and before we say it is the inhalation
we have to exhale, before we finish the sentence then we
are exhaling, etc. It is like the mind. Wherever the mind is, it
is a mess. So we are not doing anything, we just observe
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whatever happens, when the body is inhaling and exhaling
together we notice it. Nobody is doing both together, we
are not saying this is wrong, this is not the way it should
happen, no, we just look at it. Whenever you come out from
the breath you are becoming an observer, you transform
from the controller to the observer.
The ego is not important for the breathing, no, ego is
not important, when the ego is not there then the breath
becomes natural and you can see the real rhythm of the
breath.
Inhaling…exhaling…inhaling…exhaling…But
whenever you try to do it consciously, whenever you try to
manipulate it then it does not happen. So let the breath be
natural and watch it, continuously watch it, observe it.
There is a gap after that, exhaling….after the exhalation,
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“gap”, so you can experience this gap between in-breath
and out-breath, between exhalation and inhalation. If you
continue observing, then the gap becomes longer and
longer, deeper and deeper. You do not need much breath
now, the breath becomes shorter and the gap becomes
longer. You did not do anything, you did not ask for the
gap, we cannot create that gap, nobody can make that gap,
no way to make that gap, artificially you can hold the in-
breath for a while and say this is the gap, but not, this is not
the gap, then you are suffering, your body is suffering. Your
body is suffering because you are holding the in-breath or
holding the out-breath. In that gap nobody is suffering, that
is one of the ultimate rest that anybody can experience.
Because in that gap your lungs are resting, every single
organ is having a deep rest in that gap, every single cell of
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your body is having a deep rest. This is something the mind
cannot produce, mind cannot make. But even in that
experience you are an outsider. We can become the owner
of that gap, but whenever you are becoming the owner of
that gap then the gap is disappearing, no more gap.
The same thing happens with the mind. At the
beginning it’s full of thoughts, collection of thoughts,
whenever you start to watch it, to observe it then you can
feel gaps, some spaces between thoughts, between
emotions, more and more gaps, more and more distance.
And the other important thing is the outsider is not
judging or not saying that the gap is better than the
thoughts or the emotions, they are equal, same and there
are no priorities.
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So if you are really looking for a change, inner
change, deep change, deep transformation, then
please be an outsider to yourself and start to observe
it. Observe yourself instead of controlling, instead of
repressing, suppressing or pushing away.
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Light of Nilambe - 01
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