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Good Morning Keelhaulers!

The Barnacle is CMAs very own pirate newspaper! Its less politically correct than our

big sister the Binnacle and hopefully shit-tons more fun, to cite the international

Merchant Marine standard of measure. This paper is published anonymously to protect

the innocent and guilty alike. Well, mostly the innocent. Class of 2015: WELCOME!! The

editors hope you find great success and even greater friends here in our own lil world.

If you freshmen (or non-freshmen!) wish to create your own Barnacle article, picture,

comic, poster or wish to make a comment, good or bad, email us at

cmabarnacle@gmail.com .

Captain Badass or Captain Baloney?

At a recent junior/ senior MT meeting,

Captain Bolton sure gave us an earful. But was it

an earful of sweet sugar or nasty cod liver oil?

The Barnacle investigates.

According to Captain Bolton, soon we

will probably have a special ship cleaning detail

four days a week to clean ship. On the one hand,

thats definitely going to be an extra burden on

cadets, the majority of whom are taking 1.5

times the credits of a normal university student.

But unlike last year, were at least getting a tiny

bit of advanced warning. Also, for those of you

lucky enough not to have been on the Golden

Bear after 8 months at the pier, it gets pretty

filthy. A hundred sorry freshmen crammed into

tiny compartments like so many humanchickens? Yuck.

The details are sparse, but here they are

so far. The cleaning crew (CC) detail will last from

1800-2100, and be every Monday, Tuesday,

Wednesday, and Thursday. It will consist of

about six 4/C, four 3/C, two 2/C, and a 1/C. The

captain may be looking into getting us sea time

for that detail. [Continued on page 3]

Inside This Barnacle You

Might Find

Page 1: Good Morning

Keelhaulers

Captain Badass/Baloney

The Rotten CorpsPage 2: Restaurant Review

MPM Perspective

Mad-Lib

Page 4: CommanDonts Corner

Page 5: New Commandant

Cite the Author

Page 6: Credits

Page 7: The Bilge

The Corps? Rotten? Could It Be?

The following article was

written and published without the

influence or knowledge of Cadet

Sweeney or others who directlywitnessed the incident referenced

herein.

It is with upmost appreciati

that this paper has the opportunity

honor a cadet who, without concern

his disciplinary standing and possibl

future at this school, has shed light

upon the shortcomings of our

Commandant. Cadet Kevin Sweeney

our hats are off to you. It is not ofteever, that you see a cadet bring up s

topics so openly and directly.

The fact of the matter is th

story that cadet Sweeney, as told in

Binnacle, has published is all but too

true. It is not the first time the

aforementioned XO has slandered t

innocent, and it is with great regret

that our leadership finds it acceptab

to let a civil rights issue like this slidand at the same time spend ten

minutes telling cadets what horrible

human beings they are for not wear

a cover.

[Continued on page 4]

A BARNACLE?

WARNINGThis paper includes written and visual material that may be construed as crude, rude and offensive. If you m

POTENTIALLY take offense to any material of such a nature, PLEASE read NO further.

This paper is not intended to be a work of great literature; it is intended for a specific target audience of t

cadets at CMA.

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Ever Wondered What It Would Be Like to Get Engaged?

Find Out Here

Dear Mr. and Mrs. [ ] [ ],

Will you let me [ ] your [ ]? Ever since I have laid [ ] on

[ ], I have [ ] madly in love with her. I wish that she will be the

[ ] of my [ ] and that someday we will [ ] happily ever after. I have a [

] as a/an [ ] that pays $[ ] each month. I promise to [ ] with kindness and

respect.

Sincerely,

[ ] [ ]

NOUN (PLURAL):

VERB:

NOUN:

OCCUPATION:

NUMBER:

VERB:

SILLY WORD:

SILLY NAME:

SILLY NAME:

SILLY WORD:

VERB:

NOUN:

BODY PART (PLURAL):

FEMALE NAME:

VERB ENDING IN "ED":

NOUN:

The Restaurant Review

This months reviews will be an overview of some

favorites close to CMA.

Gracies BBQ

Gracies is located conveniently close, right off Sonoma

Boulevard and Virginia Street across the street from the

equally famous Victorys Army Navy store. The friendly

staff and good ol bbq will certainly fill the old ballast

tank for a fair price. Top pick goes to the Family Style

Sampler Platter, complete with ribs, chicken, hot links

and a plate of sides including green beans, potato salad,

cole slaw, macaroni salad, and corn bread. For $35 and

the ability to feed four hungry sailors (four normal

people will have leftovers) it sure is a hefty meal. The

go-to drink is the swamp juice: half sweet tea, half

lemonade served in a mason jar for $2.50. It sure helps

the meat fest (pun intended) go down!

[Continued Page 3]

An MPM Perspective at CMA

This is to the engineers and deckies who are oh why sugar coat

it. The engineers and deckies who are annoyed with the

presence of global and business students. You may not like us

because we dont seem to be involved with the maritime

industry as much as you think, or because you think this school

should go back to being what it was once before: an institution

filled with only the engineering and marine transportationmajors. GET OVER IT!!

We are here, and we are here to stay. If it werent for the state

stepping in and providing what funding this school gets on the

condition the GSMA and IBL majors be put in, this school would

not be open to you and instead youd have to put up with the

folks at KINGS POINT MERCHANT MARINE ACADEMY (who are

from what Ive heard nothing but a bunch of assholes). Also, we

are the people who defend and make the policies that provide

you your jobs. If it werent for the JONES ACT, there would be

no U.S. MERCHANT MARINE. We make sure that stays in place

for you. The business people are also the ones who write and

sign your paychecks and balance your ships checkbooks. So

while you may one day become captains or chief mates of shipslater on in the future, the fact of the matter is we will be there

making sure this industry is still kept as one of the backbones to

the U.S. Ultimately, who would you prefer make the policies and

give you your checks? Some Ivy League graduate who later

becomes your future politician or banker without a clue or care

as to how the merchant marine world works? Wouldnt it be a

better feeling to know graduates from the same maritime

academy as you, who have seen at least a little of the industry,

were in those positions of power? So let us do our job so you

can do yours.

A Thought from a Captain

After a long summer cruise and a near mutiny experience

aboard the Golden Bear, the president sent the captain to a

psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said, How about you start from

the beginning. The captain replied, Well okay it started off

in the beginning when I created heaven and earth

Hope your ship has a better name than this!

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Captain Badass or Captain Baloney

[Continued from page 1]

Also the captain vented his frustration on the

3/C and 2/C not knowing what the tides and currents are

doing at a given time. To be sure this is pretty shocking.

Not as shocking as finding out that Capt CMA was the

richest man in Sun Valley, Idaho, but still. The editorsagree with the good (sorry, great) captain that knowing

what the tides are doing is basically important. But the

reason theyre so useful on real ships is because when a

ship is in port loading/discharging cargo, the ships

freeboard changes. Combine that with tides, and you

need to tend lines frequently. So on the training ship

which never moves and rarely messes with ballast, you

can see why it would be so imperative to know the tides

and currents to the very second.

Beyond that, the captain mentioned new

security measures that could be put in place, includingputting a gate at the pier and moving poor Aadit from

his cozy quarterdeck office into a stuffy, poorly-

ventilated shack by the donkey boilers. There would also

be a TWIC card reader, which would be periodically

used for training purposes.

Finally, the captain mentioned that the ship

would be brought to ISM standards for the deck and

engine logs. For those WEs and CWOs who are

perpetually worried about what does and doesnt go in

the logbook, standardizing these entries should be a

welcome change. Assuming they tell us beforehandprecisely what they want in it, and that the mates and

engineers who evaluate the log everyday are consistent

in what they want to see. So the log entries will probably

be about as standardized as the shoes of the

commandants.

At least the persistence of the captain has resulted in

craptons of money being poured into that tiny,

overcrowded ship. Which makes it better than the other

academies at least. Merchant Marine Academy and

Great Lakes Academy dont even have real training ships.

Mass and SUNY have crappy ancient cargo steam ships,and virtually nobody gets a stateroom (however

crowded). And Maine? They have the sister ship of the

TSBS, minus much of the engine room equipment and all

of the simulator equipment... But it still has lounges. Ok,

so maybe we have the second-best training ship. But at

least we dont go to school in freakin Maine! So, is

Bolton a badass or does he justspout boloney? Here at

the barnacle, we think his statements speak for

themselves.

Restaurant Review

[Continued from page 2]Princess Garden

For fans of Mongolian bbq, this restaurant is guaranteed to satisfy

the appetite. It is located in the Target shopping center, next to the

Starbucks. At a reasonable price of only $13.00 per person, you can

engorge yourself in as many helpings as you want, plus you can call

yourself the sauce BOSS by mixing and matching all the sauces. A

stellar appetizer plate is provided as you sit down; now would be a

good time to order drinks. For those of you of age to consume

alcoholic beverages, the Tsingtao, (pronounced Ching-Dao), is a

great beer. As soon as youre settled in, grab a bowl and start piling

on the meats, veggies and sauces and bring it to the person grillingbehind the counter. The best part about the grill is that you can

help yourself to as many servings as you can handle. At the end of

this fancy feast, read your fortune and eat your cookie, (remember

to always read your fortune first, and then eat the cookie, as doing

this in the opposite order is considered to be bad luck). Whatever

the cookie says, youve been fortunate to eat at Princess Garden.

Double Rainbow Caf

A small ice cream shop on 1st

street in Benicia with a big surprise:

$1 WEINERS!! These lil wieners make the Dub-Bow the double

wiener deal of the month (not unlike some other place we know).

The often youthful and friendly staff provides top notch service

and some of the tastiest ice cream around. The Wicked Hazelnut

Sundae will set you back more than a couple dollars, but the taste

of the rainbow makes it worth the dough.

What Grinds Your Barnacles?

Fill in the blank

o Shaving on the [ W ]o [N ] having a Division Commandero Corps [W s ]o [ ]o [ ]o [ ]

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The Corps? Rotten? Could It Be? [Continued from page 1]

So the question remains why the Commandant hasnt done more to

discipline a cadet who clearly crossed the line. When a comment like that is

made, it can harm not only the person to whom it was directed, but to all of

us at CMA. In that regard, we are all owed an explanation from Captain

Buckey about this incident.

Specifically he needs to publicly inform us of the ramifications of aCorps officer making such remarks, and where this officer is in the

disciplinary process. (Were he to merely reference a section in the student

handbook which is not currently posted online is insufficient and shows a

lack of respect for us.) That he has not even given clear answers to the

students victimized in the incident shows that he does not take the incident

seriously.

Captain Buckey, your actions appear shameful to many of us under

your command, and we deserve an explanation.

Whos Who? Lets Play the Matching Game

(Connect the name with the picture, duh)

Yoda Pecota Cook

COMMANDONTS CORNERWelcome to the California State

Penitenti uh I mean Naval Maritime

Encampment Academy

The CommanDOs

Smile Show up four hours early to

watch

Say good morning toCommandant

Leave class early to get tocaptain/admiral hours early

Hang out in uniform at studencenter

Walk with hand on head whenyou have forgotten your cove

Wear brown shoes (I can flyThe CommanDONTS

X Enjoy yourselfX Show up late to

captain/admiral hours

X Listen to music unless sitting(always be ready to pop a

squat)

X Get Financial AidX Leave campus

Some days formojust seems that

rough!

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Cite the Author

If you werent there, you missed it. -__________________

Doooont do it! -__________________

The vassal -__________________

dontchya know! -__________________

Its no big deal, no big deal. -__________________

If you dont trust them, dont get in bed with them. -_____________

The only people that whistle are c*ck suckers and bosuns and I dont see any bosuns round here! -____________

I can see you fools been out drinkin a lot of that amber-colored liquid, getting all goofy-assed! -______________

Don't be gangsta leanin' in the forklift. -____________________

Your kids got problems, need some fixin? Bring em to me, I'll knock em the f*** out! I beat my kids, I beat my neighbors kids,

I even beat my kids kids. I'll beat your kids if you want me to. -__________________

Some Thoughts on the New Commandant

For a guy who does not seem to understand where he is, he seems rather

cocky and hotheaded. This may be founded in the fact he was a big fancy O-6 in

the navy. But I have been shocked by uncharacteristic behavior of someone with

such high rank. In my observation an O-6 is the guy who deals with the political

crap above the general command level and ensures the workforce feels they are

important. Colonel Destafney had done this through his persistent talks about

taking care of each other and being smart. His actions spoke volumes: they

illustrated what he thought was important (our well being) and that is what makes

the Corps feel good about itself.

By definition the corps was lifted up and encouraged through such

compassion. All I see in the new commandant is disgust with our inability to please

his expectations of a new normal. The new commandant has not displayed any

concern for our well being or interest in helping us on our way to being

professional mariners.

It seems perhaps he has overlooked our commitment to this school also

known as $20,000 plus per year. We want to be here. Yet he does not even seem

to be sure of where he is at. We are NOT a Naval Academy! We are a California

State University that specializes in the maritime industry and must meet trying

demands from unwavering standards from many angles such as the State and

Federal governments, STCW and U.S. Coast Guard. If you dont take my word for it,

go around and ask cadets how many credits they are taking. You will find many of

them are taking more than twenty and even close to thirty credits at times.

Commandant, if you take your job seriously perhaps you should consider your job

description and start taking our lives and difficulties into consideration to help

make this a less frustrating place and start caring about US before the next time

you going trotting across the quad to scream at another one of OUR shipmates.

[Continued on page 6] 5

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At CMA you dont break up with your girlfriend, you just lose your turn

This paper has been published by the Wizard, because

there are no Wizard hunts

CITE THE CORRECT AUTHOR, CIRCLE ONE (I AM SORRY THIS IS A

TOUGH ONE)

WE WILL PREPAREYOU FOR AN ATMOSPHERE WHERE PEOPLE DIE

DYLAN MCCULLEY OR MEL GIBSON

GRAB ANKLES AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE.. WELCOME THE NEW NORMAL

Credits

The Wizard: Cause they are not commonly hunted

2182: Cause everyone needs a lifeline

Zeum: Cause everyone likes to go fast. Zoom! Zoom!

Lil-Girl: Cause the baby face says it all

Leondias: Cause every family needs a warrior

Dagne: Cause every day is a fresh start

Man-Child: Cause if the shoe fits, it fits

Crescent-Hammer: Cause you should never leave home without one

Some Thoughts on the New

Commandant [Continued from page5]

There are leaders at CMA that make us want

to be better and others that make us wonder why we

should work hard to impress someone who does notcare about us. A little respect for us and our hard

work would really go a long ways coming from the

commandant.

This school is honestly a really cool place

with the coolest simulators, boats and classes. While

this article may be frustrating to read from the

commandants offices point of view it is nonetheless

a perspective shared by many, if not a majority, of

our body/corps so perhaps it should be considered

with an open mind.

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From below the deck platewelcome to the Combine!where we try not to work and pray every day for a catfight

Proverbs from E.O.S. (Engineers Only Space)

- If its smaller than your dick, dont step on it.- If you wouldnt stick your dick inside it, dont put your

hands in there either.

- The next time I catch you pissing in the bilge Ill makeyou scoop it out with your mouth.

- I like it down here in the engine room. Everything

reminds me of being surrounded by hot, steamy,

curvaceous women, except nothing talks back.

Yuri of Old Country and How to Greet a Commanding

Officer

Yuri: Goot day, komrad!

Commandant: Good day, cadet. But Im not Conrad, Im the

Commandant, and youllYuri: Werry good, komrad! How eez yoor vaif?

Commandant: Uh, shes alright, but I told youand why

Yuri: Dat eez eksyellent to hyeer! Shee vaz wyerry goot last

night, too

Questions to make you think

How many spark plugs does it take to make a diesel engine

turnover once?

Who implemented the metric system as one of the first standa

of measurement?

How good would those Canadian Geese taste?How do you spell incorrigible?

What is a combine?

The Newest Weapon(s) in the Corps Endless War of

Demoralizing the Cadets, and Why

- Banning ear phones while out and aboutin preparationclosed loop propaganda straight from the Corps and th

butt lickers

- Wearing hats all the timeso that we are forced to walloin this shit existence that we soldier through at this

school

- Commandants walking through Lower, Upper, and SuperResbecause its not enough for us to be subjected to

their vanity-which-is-actually-passed-off-as-care while

walking between classes

The Schools Part in the ongoing campaign of Operation

Dishearten

- Buying new Dodge Chargers for Public Safetybecause wedont need new chairs, tables, carpeting, or just a whole

new classroom building in itself, but they spend on our

safety providers arent even capable of keeping our bikes

from getting jacked from their racks

- The spike strip at the gateits not enough that we see thegate as a symbol of imprisonment, now everyone else who

visits does too

- Shitty mess deck foodthis is my third year here, and Ihavent eaten food this bad for as long as I can remember;

one night I ate half a bag of Famous Amos cookies, tea,

and two oranges because there was nothing worth eating

in Hells Kitchen