Avoiding codependent behaviors in projects

Copyright Kenneth Petty 2006. [email protected]

Avoiding Codependent Behaviors

in Project Teams By

Kenneth Petty, PMP

PMI-CIC May 2006


Codependency in Dilbert


Inspired by…

• “When Helping Doesn't Help: Software

Testing as Codependent Behavior” By

Lee Copeland, Software Quality

Engineering

• Stickyminds.com http://www.stickyminds.com/sitewide.asp?ObjectId=2275&Function=DETAILBROWSE&ObjectType=COL&sqry=%2AZ%28SM%29%2AJ%28MIXED%29%2AR%28rele

vance%29%2AK%28simplesite%29%2AF%28Lee+Copeland%2C+Software+Quality+Engineering+codependent%29%2A&sidx=1&sopp=10&sitewide.asp?sid=

1&sqry=%2AZ%28SM%29%2AJ%28MIXED%29%2AR%28relevance%29%2AK%28simplesite%29%2AF%28Lee+Copeland%2C+Software+Quality+Engineering

+codependent%29%2A&sidx=1&sopp=10


Objectives

• Explain what codependency is.

• Help you recognize codependent

behaviors in others and yourself.

• Briefly discuss the negative

effects of codependent

behaviors.

• Offer some avoidance and

coping strategies.


What Is Codependency?

“A set of maladaptive,

compulsive behaviors

learned by family

members to survive in a

family experiencing great

emotional pain & stress”

(The Johnson Institute)


What Is Codependency?

“A set of maladaptive,

compulsive behaviors

learned by project team

members to survive in a

project experiencing great

pain and stress”


• Maladaptive- inability for a person

to develop behaviors which get their

needs met.

• Compulsive - psychological state

where a person acts in a manner

contrary to their own consciously

desired behavior.

“ I knew I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help myself.”


• Learned-to acquire an ability or a

skill through experience.

• Adaptation to deal with-”great

emotional pain and stress.”

• GOOD NEWS!

Behaviors that are learned can be

“unlearned”


Have I experienced codependent behavior?

• “We don’t need all that red-tape. “

• We do our own thing here. You

keep the schedule up-to-date and

fill out the required forms. ”

• “Who has time to plan? We are

too busy to plan.”

• “We don’t do risk management

here.”



• “We don’t need requirements.”

• We don’t have time to do all that

documentation.

• We don’t have time to do change

control. That is just useless

overhead.

• You start coding and we’ll get the

requirements to you in a few weeks.


Three legged Race



• Worked late nights/weekends to

meet deadlines due to: • Accepting more work than I had time to

do. (“I just can’t say ‘No’.”)

• Doing work someone else was supposed

to have done but didn’t (“I’m a team

player.”)

• Well known and foreseen risks were

ignored until a crisis developed.



• Redrafted/rebaselined a project schedule because:

• Team members woefully underestimated their task durations.

• Team members have slipped delivery dates repeatedly due to more “urgent” tasks taking precedence, even though they could have waited.

• Team members deliverables were 90% done for several weeks-until delivery was expected and they were NOT 90% done.

• Interim deliverables are “done” in advance of their delivery date, then they are declared not “done-DONE.”


Roles in Codependency

•Addict

•Enabler

•Victim


The Addict

• This is the individual (or

individuals) that has the

addiction and causes the stress

and pain for the team.

• Examples:

• Cowboy

• Distracted

• Over-Achiever

• Perfectionist


Cowboy •Feel entirely self-contained and that whatever they do has no effect on anyone else.

•They tend to be combative and will strongly reject any attempt to impose a new behavioral model on them.

•They do not care if people like them or like working with them.

•Their own autonomy overshadows any need to meet group norms.


Cowboy •The negative feelings their behavior engenders from their teammates can even be seen as “jealousy” or “envy.”

•Preserving their power over their work lives is paramount.

•They do not share information willingly, but may if a “supplicant” comes to them and asks in the correct manner.


Distracted

• Has a hard time staying on task

• Likes to “help” others and will often

let their tasks slip.

• Will suggest added effort not in

SOW.


Over Achiever

• Feel inadequate

• Competent and skilled but wants to

demonstrate their skill and ability so

much that they look for added

opportunities and take on added work

aside from what they must do for the

project.

• Often overload themselves and things

can either be delivered with mediocre

or marginal quality because they are

trying to do too much


Perfectionist

The “Perfectionist” may deliver things with the

utmost quality but they hang on to them far too

long to get them “perfect”.

They may deliver late for a imperceptible

degree of “added quality” and negatively

impact the schedule and/or the harmony of the

team.


The Enabler

• They have good intentions. They

try to take care of a person who is

experiencing difficulty, but the

caretaking becomes compulsive

and defeating. Co-dependents

often take on a martyr’s role and

become “benefactors” to an

individual in need.


The Victim • The problem is that these repeated rescue

attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims


You Might Be Codependent If..

• You have a tendency to do more

than your fair share all the time.

• You have a sense of guilt when

asserting yourself.

• You have a compelling need to

control others.

• You keep quiet to avoid

arguments.

• You are always worried about

other’s opinions of you.


You Might Be Codependent If..

• You have trouble saying “no” when

asked to help. [setting boundaries]

• You have trouble asking for help.

• You always seem to have so many

things going at once you can’t do

justice to any of them.

• You are hypervigilant.

• You frequently suffer from physical

maladies related to stress.


Isn’t everyone codependent?

• Are people mutually interdependent

on one another? Yes.

• Should this result in chronic stress

and inattention to ones own well-

being? No.

• The difference is setting limits or

boundaries and holding to them.


“We begin tolerating abnormal,

unhealthy, and inappropriate

behaviors. Then we go one

step further, we convince

ourselves these behaviors are

normal.”

(Melody Beattie)


• Project management

should make “common

sense” wisdom common

knowledge. Then make

that common knowledge

common practice.


If in the course of your work you

consistently overwork and

overstress yourself to

compensate for the failures of

others you are an enabler- you

are perpetuating their

dysfunctional (harmful)

behavior by rescuing them

from the consequences of their

choices.


Just say “no.” kind of…

Risk Avoidance behaviors

• Refuse to believe lies. • Overly optimistic schedules

• Zero tolerance delivery dates

• Delivery dates w/o requirements

• Schedule transparency • “War Room” with dashboard

• Published weekly/daily updates

• Teach team members to embrace an

interdependent paradigm. • Develop WBS & Schedule as a team exercise


Risk Avoidance behaviors • Good Delegation

• What must be done

• When must it be done

• How must it be done (What does

success look like)

• How THEIR work impacts others

• Follow up steps

• Hold people accountable.

• Robust risk management.

• Trust but verify


Coping Behaviors

•Observe, document, quantify

costs, then present findings as a

“Lessons Learned.”

•Be assertive but not obstructive.

•Help “addicts” confront their

addiction and coach them on ways

to adapt.


Special Thanks To:

• Anthony Bell, PMP

• David Cottengim, PMP

• David Daily, PMP

• Bruce Bradbury, PMP

• Mike Pennell, PMP

• Rick Koen, PMP

Avoiding codependent behaviors in projects

Business

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