Section:GDN PS PaGe:3 Edition Date:081021 Edition:05 Zone: Sent at 21/10/2008 0:57 cYanmaGentaYellowblack

The Guardian | Tuesday October 21 2008 3

Football

David Hytner

Tottenham’s chairman, Daniel Levy, is determined that Juande Ramos should oversee an upturn in Tottenham Hotspur’s fortunes and hopes that the Spaniard can spark a Premier League revival against Bolton Wanderers at White Hart Lane on Sunday. Tottenham travel to the Serie A high fl yers Udinese on Thursday for the opening tie of their Uefa Cup group, but it is the Bolton fi xture which is considered pivotal.

Ramos has been subjected to increas-ing pressure as his team have stumbled from one horror result to the next. The 2–1 defeat at Stoke City on Sunday left them at the bottom of the table with only two points from their eight matches . But Levy is loth to sack Ramos, whom he prised from Sevilla almost a year ago amid acri-mony, and although his patience will not hold for ever he is resolved to stick with him as the fi xtures come thick and fast. The team will play every three or four days for the next four weeks because of their commitments in the Premier League, Uefa Cup and Carling Cup.

Questions remain about Ramos’s han-dling of a di! cult situation and the fear is

that, with confi dence so fragile, it might snowball beyond his control. The feeling at boardroom level is that such a point has not yet been reached.

After Sunday’s game Jonathan Woodgate defended Ramos, saying : “The buck stops with the players. We’ve played well at times but this season we haven’t cut it. We will stick by the manager no matter what. He still inspires us. He is the manager and hopefully will continue to be. We’re hurting inside but we have to stand up and get ourselves out of this mess that we’ve got ourselves into . We know we’ve got good players, even though we’re not showing it.”

Questions are being asked about the thinking behind some of Spurs’ summer signings. David Bentley cost £15m from Blackburn but Ramos had wanted a left-sided midfi elder and Bentley’s best posi-tion is on the right, where Tottenham

already had Aaron Lennon . Ramos tried Bentley on the left but it was quickly apparent he was not ready to provide the solution there.

With Lennon finding some overdue form in di! cult circumstances — this is now Tottenham’s worst start to a league season in their 126-year history — Bentley has been chopped and changed. This was not how the move to White Hart Lane was advertised and he has not been happy.

The goalkeeper, Heurelho Gomes, is the only first-team summer signing to have emerged with credit . Luka Modric, especially, has fallen flat. The Croatian playmaker must have wondered what he was doing as the wind howled and Stoke launched their physical assault, and his compatriot, the defender Vedran Cor-luka, having been carried o" unconscious, must have come round and wished that his transfer from Manchester City was no more than a bad dream. The Russian striker Roman Pavlyuchenko has also fl at-tered to deceive.

The sporting director, Damien Comolli, who oversaw the transfers, is expected to pay with his job, although he did hear a voice of support yesterday. “Damien is quality,” said the Arsenal manager, Arsène Wenger, who employed him as a scout.

“You can’t say the situation at Totten-ham is down just to that [the employment of a sporting director ]. It can work as long as people when they sign their contracts know what their responsibilities are. Foot-ball is a strange thing. When you lose your confi dence you can become quickly aver-age, it is as simple as that.”

Tottenham have been worse than that this season and Ramos faces a selection teaser in central defence for the games against Udinese and Bolton . Corluka is cup-tied and may not have recovered from concussion by Sunday and Michael Daw-son will be suspended against Bolton .

Ramos opted to keep the captain, Ledley King, who cannot play regularly because of injury, out of the fi ring line at Stoke to save him for Udinese — a perplex-ing decision: weren’t Stoke more impor-tant? — and he may now have to play him instead against Bolton.

There was, however, some good news for Ramos yesterday when Slaven Bilic, the Croatia coach who has been linked with several Premier League clubs, said he was not interested in taking over at Spurs. “I have my job with Croatia and that’s all I’m concentrating on,” he said. “I know the situation they are in but I’m sure it is going to get better. It’s a massive club.”

Spurs’ Premier League rot set in after February’s Carling Cup victory

2007/08 P12 W3 D5 L4 GF18 GA2014 points from a possible 36Mar 1 Birmingham (a) Lost 1–4Mar 9 West Ham (h) Won 4–0Mar 16 Manchester City (a) Lost 1–2Mar 19 Chelsea (h) Drew 4–4Mar 22 Portsmouth (h) Won 2–0Mar 30 Newcastle (h) Lost 1–4Apr 5 Blackburn (a) Drew 1–1Apr 12 Middlesbrough (h) Drew 1–1Apr 19 Wigan (a) Drew 1–1Apr 26 Bolton (h) Drew 1–1May 5 Reading (a) Won 1–0May 11 Liverpool (h) Lost 0–2

2008/09 P8 W0 D2 L6 GF5 GA12 Two points from a possible 24Aug 16 Middlesbrough (a) Lost 1–2Aug 23 Sunderland (h) Lost 1–2Aug 31 Chelsea (a) Drew 1–1Sep 15 Aston Villa (h) Lost 1–2Sep 21 Wigan (h) Drew 0–0Sep 28 Portsmouth (a) Lost 0–2Oct 5 Hull City (h) Lost 0–1Oct 19 Stoke City (a) Lost 1–2

Total P20 W3 D7 L10 GF23 GA32 16 points from a possible 60

Thin and thinner

I met this really kinky girl last night. ‘Humiliate me,’ she said … So I bought her a Tottenham shirt

Haring ey council has blocked Tottenham’s plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: “We don’t mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much.”

“I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make ‘Tottenham Hotspur Football Club’. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth two points.”

Tesco are releasing new Oxo cubes in Spurs colours. Customers are told to look out for laughing stocks.

A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has no where to live. “What about your parents?” asks the social worker. “No, they beat me,” says the boy. “What about your grandparents?” says the social worker. “No, they beat me even harder!” says the boy. “Well … where do you want to stay then?” replies the social worker. “Tottenham,” says the boy. “They don’t beat anyone.

!What do a toothpick and Tottenham have in common? They both have two points"Juande Ramos, shortly after another training session, comments to the head groundsman at White Hart Lane how impressive the pitch is looking. “It ought to,” replie s the groundsman. “We put 70 million quid’s worth of manure on it every week.”

I just went down to the newsagents and bought Tottenham Hotspur magazine. Thank goodness they had porn mags to hide it in.

!What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win? Turns o! the Xbox"After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, “No way, I ain’t that special”.

Apparently the entire Tottenham squad have been busy honing their skills playing the computer game Championship Manager. Sadly it seems Juande misunderstood and thinks they want to play for a Championship manager.

Contrary to what you may think, Spurs are the strongest team in the league at the moment. Sure, aren’t they holding everyone else up?

What do the Premier League and a cowboy have in common? They both have spurs at their feet.

A man was found dead fl oating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment.

!What would an improved version of

Spurs be called? Newcastle United"Did you hear that Juande Ramos was clocked doing 169mph on the M1 coming back from Stoke? Apparently he was just so desperate for three points.

Is it just me or are Spurs the team to beat this season? Everyone’s at it.

A man is sitting in a pub with his jack russell dog one Sunday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner: “Stoke City 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1,” reads the announcer. Suddenly the jack russell jumps up and shouts out, “Oh, no, not again.” The shocked landlord says, “That’s amazing. Why did he say that when it was announced that Tottenham lost?” “Because he’s a Spurs supporter,” the dog’s owner replies. The landlord then ask s what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to

which the man replie s, “I don’t know. I’ve only had him six months.”

When a groggy Vedran Corluka regained

consciousness in the ambulance leaving the Britannia Stadium on

Sunday he asked medical sta" who he was. On being

told he played football for Tottenham Hotspur he lapsed into a coma.

!All trains through White Hart Lane have been cancelled due to a massive points failure"What’s the di" erence between Juande Ramos and a cowboy? A cowboy wears Spurs on his boots whereas Ramos is a crap manager.

What does THFC stand for? Tottenham Heading For the Championship.

A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper, who says, “Sorry, son, this ball is £20 . You only have £10”. The boy says, “OK, if you blindfold me and I can guess the name of the club on any ball, will you give it to me for £10?” He agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball. “I can hear cannons blasting, so it’s an Arsenal ball.” Next he gives him a Millwall ball: “I hear lions, so it’s Millwall.” Amazed, the shopkeeper says, “Get this and you can have it for nothing.” The boy listens and says Spurs. The man asks if he’ s heard a cockerel. “No,” says the boy. “It’s going down.”

!What’s the di" erence between

Bigfoot and the Spurs defence?

Bigfoot has been spotted several

times#

Spurs have been forced to rename their ground “White Lane” because their “Hart” was surgically removed when Berbatov and Keane were sold.

Breaking newsTottenham Hotspur have

fi nally won a game. It was a friendly behind closed doors at non-league Walthamstow the other day. And if you don’t believe us here is the proof ! Compiled by Mikey Sta" ord

Are Spurs beyond a joke? We don’t think so — here are $% reasons why the club’s worst start to a season in their long and distinguished history is a laughing matter

Tottenham’s manager, Juande Ramos, did not appear to see the funny side after defeat at Stoke on Sunday meant just two points from eight gamesLee Sanders/EPA

Football Weekly UK’s No1 sports podcastPlenty more jokes at Tottenham’s expense guardian.co.uk/football/series/footballweekly "

Number of years since the formation of Tottenham Hotspur — 2008-09 is the worstleague start inthe club’s history

126

Tottenham chairman Levy still believes Ramos can lead the revival