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Author: Panzer, Jaime, B

Title: Student Response to Loss and Grief: Information for School Counselors

The accompanying research report is submitted to the University of Wisconsin-Stout, Graduate School

in partial completion of the requirements for the

Graduate Degree/ Major: MS School Counseling

Research Adviser: Carol Johnson, Ph.D.

Submission Term/Year: Summer, 2012

Number of Pages: 29

Style Manual Used: American Psychological Association, 6th

edition

I understand that this research report must be officially approved by the Graduate

School and that an electronic copy of the approved version will be made available through

the University Library website

I attest that the research report is my original work (that any copyrightable materials

have been used with the permission of the original authors), and as such, it is automatically

protected by the laws, rules, and regulations of the U.S. Copyright Office.

STUDENT’S NAME: Jaime Panzer DATE: 7/11/2012

ADVISER’S NAME: Carol L. Johnson, Ph.D. DATE: 7/11/2012

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

This section to be completed by the Graduate School This final research report has been approved by the Graduate School.

___________________________________________________ ___________________________

(Director, Office of Graduate Studies) (Date)

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Panzer, Jaime B. Student Response to Loss and Grief: Information for School

Counselors

Abstract

Before the age eighteen, it is estimated that 3% or 2 million children in the United

States will experience a death of a parent, and that number increased when other

tragedies including other deaths that may include the passing of grandparents, relatives,

siblings, classmates and pets. Identifying students who are facing loss can be hard when

they do not approach adults with the information, and some signs and symptoms may

look like other issues.

When school counselors are not able to meet with every student on a regular basis,

they must rely on accounts or observations made by parents, classmates, or other

personnel at school. Without proper training many school personnel may not know what

to look for in students who may be experiencing grief. It is important that school

counselors and others are able to identify these students, so they can get help. With early

intervention students may be able to recover and not have long term social and emotional

affects. Finding an outlet where grieving children can express their feelings through art,

writing, sports, journaling or music are often helpful for them. In addition counselors may

wish to consider individual counseling or a peer support groups to help students through

the process too. This is a collaborate process that will involve both teachers, guardians,

and the school counselor.

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Acknowledgments

I would like to first acknowledge my parents, David and Diane Panzer for

all the love and support they have given me for whatever I pursued. Through my

difficulties with grief and loss, they were there keeping me focused and making

sure I was not taking on more than I could handle. I would especially like to

thank my mother for taking off of work to help me get back on my feet after my

accident. Without them I do not know where I would be today.

I would like to acknowledge my professors Dr. Carol Johnson, Dr. Barb Flom,

and Dr. Denise Brouillard, at the University of Wisconsin-Stout for all their knowledge

and guidance through my graduate program. Their passion for the subject material made

me confident that school counseling was the right fit for me. They gave me the tools and

knowledge to get to where I am today and prepared me for my future. I also couldn’t ask

for three better professors when I was going through such a difficult time in my life. They

kept me motivated to keep going in the program and supported the decisions I made.

I would like to acknowledge my friends Karlie Hurlbert, Amy Rentschler, and

Molly Mitzelfeldt who survived the car accident with me. They gave me the support that

I needed to get through such a challenging time in my life. It was their ability to

overcome struggles that enabled me to survive such a traumatic experience. They

encouraged me to keep pursuing what I love in life when I did not have the motivation to

do anything.

Finally, I would like to acknowledge my late friend Theresa Kroes who shared her

passion for teaching music to the world and was taken from us too soon.

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It was due to her sudden loss that motivated me to pursue my thesis topic. She has taught

me so much about life including how little things like what you wear or how much

money you have, is not going to really matter in the end. She was such a caring person

and she would do anything to help others. She has inspired me to do the same with my

life. I love her and miss her everyday.

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Table of Contents

.................................................................................................................................................... Page

Abstract ............................................................................................................................................2

Chapter I: Introduction ....................................................................................................................6

Statement of the Problem .......................................................................................................8

Purpose of the Study ..............................................................................................................8

Assumptions and Limitations of the Study ............................................................................9

Definition of Terms................................................................................................................9

Chapter II: Literature Review ........................................................................................................11

Introduction ..........................................................................................................................11

What Grieving Looks Like in Children and Adolescents ....................................................11

Anticipatory Grief ................................................................................................................15

Coping with Grief ................................................................................................................16

Helping a Grieving Child .....................................................................................................19

Online Bereavement Options ...............................................................................................21

Chapter III: Summary, Discussion and Recommendations ...........................................................24

Summary ...........................................................................................................................24

Discussion ..........................................................................................................................26

Recommendations for Research ........................................................................................27

References ......................................................................................................................................29

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Chapter I: Introduction

A school counselor helps not just an individual student but also has the

opportunity to work with the entire school population. It is a sad fact that many students

will experience the passing of a loved one at some point during their time in school.

Whether it is the death of parent, grandparent, pet, or friend, students will likely grieve

the loss of a loved one.

Before the age eighteen, it is estimated that three percent or 2 million children in

the United States will experience a death of a parent and that number increases when

including other deaths that may include the passing of grandparents, relatives, siblings,

classmates and pets (Goodman, 2011). Throughout the years spent in school there is a

high probability that a child will be affected by loss directly or indirectly sometime in

their school career, so what can school counselors do to help?

As death is so prevalent in our communities sometimes adults forget what it first

felt like as a child to experience a loss. In a school with a varied student population,

death may include a loss of family member, critical illness or cancer of a close friend,

family member on multiple deployments, suicide of a friend, or an accident victim. It is a

challenge for parents, teachers and school counselors to know what to do for each unique

situation.

People react to death in different ways. Where some students might be willing to

openly talk about it, others may keep their feelings to themselves. It is those students

who hide their grief that might need the most help, yet if the adults at school are not

aware of what is going on in the life of the child, they may misinterpret a student’s

behavior when the student was just acting out in responding to grief. It is important for

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the parents to communicate grief and loss experience with the school so they can support

the child too when outside the home environment.

Everyone will deal with loss and grieving in different ways due to the differences

in personality and the circumstances of the loss. Some people may have an advantage or

disadvantage due to their coping strategies with the way they deal with death. The way

children cope with death is affected by several factors that may include their ability to

understand the situation, their desire to protect those who survived, and their feelings

regarding changes in the home including new roles and expectations. Other factors such

as the relationship one had with the person and how the death occurred may also

influence the grieving process (Neimeyer, 2001).

Identifying students who are facing loss can be hard when they do not approach

adults with the information, and some signs and symptoms may look like other issues.

When school counselors are not able to meet with every student on a regular basis, they

must rely on accounts or observations made by parents, classmates, or other personnel at

school. Without proper training many school personnel may not know what to look for in

students who may be experiencing grief.

When the majority of the students will face the loss of a loved one sometime in

their school career, it becomes increasingly important to identify these individuals.

Students who are grieving the loss of a loved one might not feel comfortable talking with

their classmates, yet the teacher or school counselor can work with them at their level and

help them feel comfortable identifying their feelings and sharing in the grief. Again

identification of these students might be largely due to the help of others either in or out

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of school. Once they do identify those students who are experiencing loss and grief, what

types of coping strategies and options are available to help them?

Statement of the Problem

The loss of a loved one is something that majority or students will experience at

some point in their school career. Although many students will face loss, many

individuals will try to go through the experience on their own, and therefore may not get

the help that they need. Some students go unidentified because the individual either does

not tell anyone or wants to hide it from the adults at school. Those individuals who have

experienced loss will often show negative affects in the school setting, and that is why it

is important to identify these individuals before the problems become worse. Therefore,

the problem becomes how do school counselors identify students who are having trouble

due to loss and grief, and what strategies school counselors can use that are

developmentally appropriate to help?

Purpose of the Study

The purpose of this literature review is to identify signs and symptoms of those

students who are experiencing loss so that school counselors are able to find strategies

that are available to better help those individuals. Compiling the information may help

those in the field explore the topic with more ease. Once the child is identified as

needing help, the goal is to see what school counselors can do to help them. Finding

resources or programs that are available for school counselors is a potential outcome of

the literature review. It is important that school counselors and others are able to identify

these students, so they can get help early on. With early intervention those students may

be able to recover and not have long term affects.

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Research Questions

The following research questions will be addressed while reviewing the literature

pertaining to signs and symptoms grief and what school counselors can do to help.

1. What are the signs and symptoms of those who are experiencing grief?

2. What counseling strategies are available to help grieving students?

3. How are students using technology to help with the grieving process?

Assumptions and Limitations of the Study

It is assumed that schools struggle to identify some students that have experienced

grief and loss. Another assumption is that students who have experienced loss would

access community agencies and may not need help from counselors. Due to the time

restraints, the amount of research that is included in this literature review is limited to

items published before summer of 2012. Another limitation is that the research

conducted was only for school-aged children and thus may not be applicable to children

under five years of age or adults.

Definition of Terms

Listed below are terms that are defined to assist the reader in understanding and finding

application throughout the literature review.

Trauma. A situation or an event that has a negative impact on an individual and

may have a long lasting affect to their psychological development that includes but is not

limited to: accidents, loss, abuse, drugs and alcohol, etc.

Loss. The death of a loved one whether it is family, friends, pets or other

significant people in their life.

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Grief. The stages of sadness and recovery a person goes through after

experiencing a death of a loved one that are different for everyone.

Anticipatory Grief. Grief that is experienced before the death of a loved one that

involves the feelings, thoughts and physical sensations that happen when you know

someone is going to die or fear that some may die.

Terminal Illness. An incurable disease or a disease that cannot be treated that

will result in death of an individual in a relatively short period of time.

High Risk jobs. Jobs that have a greater risk of harm to the person such as

military, law enforcement, or fire-fighting.

Task oriented coping. An individual who copes with life stresses by being

solution focused.

Emotion oriented coping. An individual who copes with life stresses by using

their emotions and may seek out help from others.

Bereavement Internet Forums. Message boards that are on support-oriented

websites where discussions can take place about loss of a loved one and takes the format

messages and then responses.

Facebook Wall. An area on a Facebook user’s profile where an individual can

write posts or share information about themselves or others

Risky Behavior. Behavior a student exhibits that may include but is not limited to

eating disorders, early sexual initiation, drug and alcohol abuse, and violent behavior.

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Chapter II: Literature Review

Introduction

Grieving is one thing that many students experience. Gurwitch and Schonfeld

(2011) approximate that 90 percent of students will lose someone they care about by the

time they graduate high school (p 11). Not only are children faced with the loss of a

loved one but they also might be facing trauma related to death, or from other factors that

may include a parents’ divorce, domestic violence, children maltreatment, parental

substance abuse and accidents (Gurwitch and Schonfeld, 2011). Gurwitch and Schonfeld

(2011) further suggest that after trauma or loss a student may struggle at school

exhibiting traits including academic grade declining as the individual tries to regain a

sense of control in their life (p 11). Identification of these individuals who are grieving is

critical to helping them find ways to cope with their loss.

What Grieving Looks Like in Children and Adolescents

Children who are experiencing grief may express it in four avenues: behavior,

emotions, physical reactions, and thoughts (Goodman, 2011). The four avenues will

differ depending on the age of the child or adolescent due to their point in development.

According to Goodman (2011) the way children and adolescents deal with the death is

affected by a variety of factors including their ability to understand the situation, their

desire to protect those who are living, and their reactions to changes in the home life

including their change in roles and expectations. Children and adolescents are also

affected when they encounter feelings of being different, alone, and isolated. When they

have a sense of injustice, or worry about others’ physical and emotional well-being, or

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thoughts about the future and who will take care of them, these can all have an affect on

how a child or adolescent will deal with the affects of a loss (Goodman, 2011).

For children from the age of six to nine years old, they are able to understand that

death is final but their beliefs of what cause the death are usually skewed. The child

might think that that they caused the death or that it is a form of punishment. They might

think about the milestones that the person will miss or worry about who will take care of

them. Some behaviors that the child might display at this age are acting like the death

never happened, concentration difficulties, declining or greatly improved grades in

school, aggressively acting out or being withdrawn (Lyles, 2006). Goodman (2011) also

states that the child may display school problems such as avoidance, lack of

concentration, and academic difficulty. Many of these can be seen in the school setting

and it is very dependent on how each individual child is going through the process.

Lyles (2006) suggests that when working with this age group to allow the child to

regress, to answer questions truthfully, and allow them time to express their feelings both

verbally and physically through appropriate outlets. She also suggests allowing the child

to use outlets like drawing, reading, playing, or dance to work through the death of a

loved one and to try and find a way for the child to be involved with the death and

mourning process. Specifically at the school, helping these children might also include

adjusting their workload for awhile and making sure they have peer support (Lyles,

2006).

For children ages nine to twelve, the concepts and beliefs behind death will be a

little different due to where they are in emotional development. Common themes with

children aged six to nine, are that they might think that there thoughts or actions caused

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the death, they will think about the milestones that the deceased will not experience, and

they understand that death is final. The nine to twelve age group will differ from the

younger ages in the fact that they might experience denial about the loss, they are aware

that death may happen again, and they might start formulating their own spiritual

concepts (Lyles, 2006). They will have more difficulties with emotions than the younger

age group including feelings of shock and abandonment. The behavior they might

express is similar to the other age group, where they might have changes in grades at

school, difficulties concentrating, aggressively acting out, and might withdrawal or hide

their feelings. If not aware of the child’s or adolescent’s situation, these symptoms could

be mistaken as a student that is acting out.

In order to help these individuals, one must expect and accept that they will have

mood swings and be there for them by supporting and listening to them. Finding an

outlet where they can express their feelings through art, writing, sports, journaling or

music are helpful to them. Also finding or making sure they have a peer support groups

to help them through the process will be helpful (Lyles, 2006). This is a collaborate

process that will involve both teachers, guardians, and the school counselor.

For ages twelve and up, many of the core concepts are same as the younger age

groups, but they do have added concerns. According to Lyles (2006) they may have

feelings of their own impending death and may utilize their own spiritual beliefs to cope.

As the age of the individual goes up, they are looking for more guidance and answers.

Unlike the other ages, they may feel that showing their feelings is a sign of weakness and

feel they must have control over them in front of others. Their behavior like the other age

groups may include difficulties concentrating, changes in grades, regressive behavior,

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mood swings, withdrawal from people and activities and acting out aggressively. Where

they differ from the other age groups is that they might have changes in their peer groups

or their sleeping or eating habits. They might also engage in risky-behavior, and be

impulsive which may contribute to an increase in fighting, screaming, and arguing.

Many of the feelings are similar to the younger children, but they might need more

support and understanding when they are figuring out what to do with the feelings.

Like the younger counterparts, much of the strategies in helping them are the

same although Lyles (2006) does offer additional strategies for this age group that

include supporting relationships with an understanding adult and allowing them to have

sad feelings unless one believes those feelings have risk of harm. Having a supportive

relationship with an adult may help them from engaging in risky-behavior and so it is

important to be observant for any signs that they may be going down that road (Lyles,

2006). The caring adult should be anyone they feel comfortable with, forcing a

relationship will not be productive but may cause them to withdrawal more.

Depending on the emotional age and maturity of the adolescents, students

experience the death of a loved one in similar yet different ways. Younger children need

love and attention to help them get through the process with means of distraction from

the tragedy. Older children and adolescents who understand the process might face

greater difficulties due to the knowledge they have. They may struggle with it more and

thus act out in more ways. A consideration that is important at any age level is to have

someone they can talk to while going through the process whether it is a friend, teacher,

parent, or school counselor.

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Anticipatory Grief

Not only may adolescents experience symptoms of grief after the loss of a loved

one but they may also experience it before. The grieving process can begin even before

the death and is known as anticipatory grief. Children may experience anticipatory grief

in different situations which may include: if the person is in a high-risk job, serving in the

military or is suffering from a terminal illness. In order to help kids through this process,

it starts with being aware of their situation and being careful not to let one’s own fears

and words influence them.

Lyles (2006) has several suggestions on how to help these children; reassuring the

child that there will always be someone to take care of them and encouraging the child to

talk about it are some supportive ways to help the child. Another suggestion when

working with children with anticipating grief is not make promises that cannot be kept;

especially regarding return from deployment in the military. Don’t promise or guarantee

children that parents will return safely or tell them an exact date when they will be back

because return dates may have unexpected delays. When talking with the child, ask them

what they are hearing from others, be honest about how you feel, and make sure they

have plenty of support from family and friends. Open communication is going to be very

important to have with the child, so they understand what is going on, and have time to

embrace feelings.

For children who have family in a high risk job, Lyles (2006) suggests creating a

“Worry Doll” where the child tells the doll the worries, so the doll can hold the worries

and not the child. Another possible activity is creating a memory box when the parent is

away, and when they return, the child can share the box with the person. Having the

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child be a part of the process is important, so they know what is going on and feel

included in what is happening around them. For children who have a loved one that is

terminally ill, it is important to explain to the child in age-appropriate words what is

going on and to have them participate in the care that is meaningful to them (Lyles,

2006).

As a school counselor, some of these things can be done at the school, but it

would be important to have communication with the care-giver to see what they are

currently doing too. With anticipatory grief it may not just be the child experiencing

these symptoms but also the caregiver and they may want the experience to be more

confined to the family. Helping the child may require offering these suggestions to the

parent or caregiver.

Coping with Grief

Everyone will deal with loss and grieving in different ways due to the differences

in personality and the circumstances of the loss. Some people may have an advantage or

disadvantage due to their coping strategies with the way they deal with death. Other

factors such as the relationship one had with the person and how the death occurred may

also influence the grieving process (Neimeyer, 2001).

Neimeyer (2001) discusses how “personality factors such as low self-esteem,

dependency, or a tendency toward inhibiting or suppressing strong emotions have been

linked to a poorer outcome when a loved one dies” (p 317). Parkes (1986) identified a

specific personality that might have a particularly hard time dealing with loss and coined

it “grief prone.” This type of personality involves a reaction based on previous losses,

higher levels of anger, an inability to express emotion, and high anxiety (Neimeyer,

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2001). An individual with this type of personality tends to not handle death well because

they might have a hard time regulating their emotions. Not only are individuals affected

by their personality but also their coping style.

Children’s coping mechanisms might have worked in previous trauma, but in the

case of loss, new coping skills might be needed. In the past the individual might have

used task-oriented coping or emotion-oriented coping. An individual with a task-oriented

coping style might have a problem focused outlook and might try to find solutions to

their problems. Experiencing a loss some children may overcompensate by staying busy,

working hard and avoiding dealing with feelings. Often, the things they would like to

change are out of their control. They cannot make the person come back and this may be

something they have a hard time dealing with.

An individual with an emotion-oriented coping strategy might seek out support

from others. Reaching out to the right people for support is the challenge, yet this is

something that might help the individual. It could also lead to more hurt feelings if those

whom they seek out are not available to give them what they want or need. Neimeyer

(2001) states that these past strategies might not work and being open to other coping

mechanisms may give the person a better outcome in the grief process.

The relationship the individual had with the deceased person is another factor that

will affect how one deals with grief. The reaction of the death of an aged parent is going

to be different than someone experiencing the death of a child (Rando, 1986; Sanders,

1980 as cited in Neimeyer, 2001). The type of relationship between the two people is

also very important and will affect the response to loss; whether the relationship is full of

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conflict, ambivalence or dependency, the higher the intensity of these factors the higher

chance of complicated grief reactions (Neimeyer, 2001).

How the death occurred and how many occurred at once are also factors that will

influence the individuals healing process. Whether the death is anticipated, natural or

sudden due to things like suicide or homicide, the individual may have trouble with the

degree of preventability (Neimeyer, 2001). This is especially common in survivors of

suicide who have feeling of guilt as they may believe that they could have prevented it or

that they should have known about the individual’s troubles (Neimeyer, 2001). Whether

the person was a witness to or a part of the loss may also influence the process and may

even cause trauma in the individual making the process even greater to go through.

Those who experience multiple deaths often have trouble with how to deal with

so many losses. Should they deal with one and move to the next, or all simultaneously?

This is something that the individual may have difficulty with and may feel guilty by not

being able to grieve each individual. Those who are dealing with more than one death

often face it with fewer sources of strength and support, making grieving sometimes more

difficult (Neimeyer, 2001). Counselors need to know the extent of the grief and loss by

knowing details of the passing of the individual(s).

All the previous factors will contribute to how long the individual takes to get

through the grief process. According to Neimeyer (2001) the process is longer than

previously believed and can take anywhere from 3-6 months to initially grieve. After this

period of grieving, many of those who were in that supporting position for the individual

break away because they think that it is not necessary anymore, or that bringing up the

death will just further upset the individual. It is not uncommon for the individual

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experiencing grief might feel abandoned or not having an adequate support (Neimeyer,

2001). Support and understanding are important for these individuals and one should not

rush them through this difficult time in their life. Loss may take years to recover and

remembering the anniversaries of the passing of a loved one is one way to acknowledge

the feelings of the grieving child.

Helping a Grieving Child

Goodman (2011) states that children and adolescents are 10-15% more at risk for

problems such as depression during the first year after the loss, making it very important

to help the child early on. If the child is still experiencing symptoms of a complicated

grief after two years, then caregivers may need the assistance of a mental health provider

to help with the process (Goodman, 2011).

Goodman (2011) identified possible suggestions and strategies that adults can do to

help with the grieving process. The main thing is to be open and honest with the child

and using language that they understand but that is accurate and comforting. Using terms

such as “he is sleeping” or “he passed on” are vague and may end up confusing the child.

Modeling appropriate responses and emotions to death, so the child knows what is

appropriate in grieving is also important. Also allowing the child or adolescent to ask

questions about what everything means can help ease a loss.

In the school it is suggested that the parents work alongside teachers and school

counselors to help them succeed in the schools. This may mean giving them longer time

on assignments or more time out of class to explore and discuss feelings with the loss. It

is important for school personnel to know and understand the rituals and cultural beliefs

of the family surrounding the death of the loved one in order to better help the student. In

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order to help the child or adolescent they need to be included and understand what is

going on. The school can help in the process if the family is open to working together in

the best interest of the child.

Since it is rare for students to go through their entire school career without

experiencing some sort of loss whether it is relatives, pets, friends, or acquaintances

Tillman and Rust (2011) suggest a ten-stage program for running a grief and loss group

in school. The beginning stage of developing a group is to select students that would be

emotionally ready for a group and that do not have complicated trauma histories. They

suggest selecting students that are in the same age range and will be cooperative in a

group setting, and should have somewhere between six to ten members.

For the first stage it is important to establish safety by creating rules for the groups.

It is suggested having the members of the group help create the rules so they feel safe.

Getting to know each other is the second step in a grief group, and it facilitates a greater

success if everyone knows one another and is comfortable communicating in front each

other. The third step in running a grief group includes sharing unique stories about the

member’s experience with death. Allow them as much time as they need and it can

include items such as how they had died, how they felt, how they are feeling now, what

they miss about the loved one and how life has changed since. The fourth step is

focusing on positive memories that they had experienced with the deceased and sharing

those through stories or pictures. The fifth step is identifying and expressing emotions

that they are having about the loved one that had passed. It is important to work through

their emotions and assure them that they are normal parts of grief. The sixth step is

developing and strengthening coping skills.

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One example is having them come up with a list of positive coping strategies and

then having them write the ones they like on index cards. They would then place these

index cards in a box that they decorate with positive messages, things that make them

happy and memories of the deceased that they could go to and look at when they need

ideas to cope. The seventh stage is increasing positive support and encouraging them to

share their feelings and to support one another in the process. The eighth stage is to

remember the loved ones. One common fear is that they will lose the memories they

have of their loved one; encourage them to share the memories they have and to seek out

others who also have memories of that person. The ninth stage is planning a goodbye

ceremony allowing them to say goodbye in their own unique way to their loved one. The

final stage is ending the group and making sure the members understand what that means

and making referrals as needed if members need additional support (Tillman and Rust,

2011). Groups can be a positive addition to helping the child through the grieving

process; with the right group and activities it can make the process a smoother transition.

Online Bereavement Options

With the popularity of social media sites and other options on the World Wide

Web, communication and support have changed to include such items as online postings

of condolences, favorable memories, and thoughts or prayers for the grieving individual.

Some funeral homes create a web page for the deceased to honor their memory (Stroebe,

Van der Houwen, & Schut, 2008). With technology so prevalent in the lives of

adolescents and children, it may be something they turn to during the grieving process

too. According to Stroebe, Van der Houwen, & Schut (2008) there are all types of

websites available for bereavement an individual is experiencing, some are general like

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www.beyondindigo.com or there are specific websites like www.merrywidow.me.uk

which focuses on loss of a spouse. Many of these sites were created by people who have

experienced a loss themselves and are generally run by volunteers. Other online options

include internet forums, email groups, chat rooms and online memorial website.

Internet forums offer the bereaved person a venue to express how they feel and

allow others to respond and support that individual. To participate in such a forum,

registration is typically needed and is usually free of charge. Support on these message

boards is by peers and not by professionals but some are monitored by skilled moderators

and will respond to or delete potentially harmful statements.

E-mail groups offer support and communicate through email. One responds to

the group as a whole or some have the option of responding to people individually.

Email groups are usually monitored by a professional and many are free of charge.

Groups are generally loss-specific so that participants are similar in some way. Examples

of categories are loss of partner or spouse, young-widow, military family member or loss

of a child.

Chat rooms offer a support in real time with whoever is online at the time or times

can be arranged to meet ahead of time; they offer a message and response format and

some are even moderated. Many of the resources available online, so the individual has

to register to participate. Teens may prefer the use of technology to share their feelings

of loss with others.

Online memorial websites are a place where people can honor the deceased by

putting up pictures or stories about or to the lost loved one. Some of the online options

charge a fee to participate in the websites. There are different types of options available.

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One option www.empty-cradles.com/index.html allows the individual to write a letter to

heaven and another site offers participants to select a small star to represent the deceased

child. There are a variety of options available to fit the support needs of the individual.

Although the above listed websites options are more specific to the adult

population, there are ways to tailor these options for adolescents. The most important

factor in online options for adolescents is monitoring by an adult. With the

popularization of social media website Facebook, many adolescents are members, and it

could offer them a place for online memorials.

After the loss of a friend or family member who was a part of Facebook, their page

is still up unless deleted by others. Individuals can put up pictures of the deceased or

write on the Facebook wall to the deceased person or about a memory they shared with

the deceased. It also remains a line of communication in case an event should arise in

that person’s honor. Not only that but they may receive support through their own page

with people offering their condolences. Whether it is through the internet or their phone,

it is important to allow the child or adolescent the opportunity to communicate through

this avenue if it is something they are used to.

Counselors need to be aware of many options that help support different needs of

individual students. Whether it is individual counseling, supportive groups or use of

technology, all students may benefit from a caring adult knowing about the loss and grief

experienced by the adolescent. Communication and good listening will enable a

counselor to keep in contact with families and students in order to advocate for all

students.

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Chapter III: Summary, Discussion and Recommendations

Summary

Chapter III includes highlights from some of the key findings in the literature

review pertaining to symptoms of grieving children and the strategies that aid in the

process of healing. A discussion follows offering suggestion for school counselors and

parents to consider for helping your child or adolescent through the grieving process.

The chapter will conclude with recommendations for future research on the topic.

Loss is something that everyone will have to experience in their lives and often

multiple times. While in school, students are likely to encounter a death at some point in

their academic career whether it is the loss of a parent, grandparent, teacher, friend or

even pet. For many it might be their first time encountering such an emotional

experience. They might have to learn what death means and what the experience entails.

Whatever the case may be the experience of loss in an individuals life can have a great

impact on the mental and physical health of those who survived.

Children and adolescents can show a variety of behaviors in the school setting.

They may develop problems in four areas: behavior, emotions, physical reactions, and

thoughts. The way an individual reacts to loss will depend on a variety of factors and one

factor is their age and where they are in their developmental stage. The younger the child

(age 6 to 9 years old) will most likely have a difficult time grasping the concept of death

and may think that they caused the death. As the child gets older (9 to 12 years old) there

is a better understanding of the process of death and loss but they also might have denial

of the loss, and know it can happen again. Those older than 12 years may still experience

much of what the younger children will, but they have a better understanding of death

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and start using their own spiritual beliefs to grasp what is going on. All ages may

experience an increase or decrease in academic grades and classroom performance.

Acting out is something that is also very common depending on the age and maturity of

the child. Many of the behaviors that teachers might see can look like something else, so

it is important to realize what is going on in the life of the child.

Although these behaviors are some of the common themes one might see, some

children and adolescents might have a more difficult time. “Grief prone” is a personality

type indicating the child may not handle loss as easily. It involves intense reactions to

previous losses, higher levels of anger, an inability to express emotion, and high anxiety.

Not only does personality influence the coping style of the person, their coping

mechanism might have worked previously but in a new situation it may not. Other

considerations that influence a child or adolescent who is grief prone is how they handle

multiple deaths, the relationship with the deceased, and how many multiple deaths were

involved.

In order to help these children and adolescent get past such a difficult time in their

lives, it will take support from as many resources as they can get. The length in which

one grieves is longer than some may previously have thought, and it is important to give

the individual support for as long as they need it. Whether support comes from home or

in the school, it is important to be open and honest with the child or adolescent and give

them time to talk and ask questions. The child is going to look to the adults in their life

to see how to handle these situations, so it becomes important to model appropriate ways

to mourn and grieve. Providing distractions and activities for the child or adolescent is

something that may help them through the process as well as activities that keep them

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included in the process. In the school, teachers and other staff can help by lessening the

student’s workload and by providing a place to go where they can talk. A school

counselor can offer them the time to talk individually or in a group to aid in the healing

process. In a technology age, children or adolescents may be seeking out options to talk

to other or memorialize others online. There are options available just as long as adults

are monitoring online use.

Discussion

Death is a topic of interest and that has been studied in great lengths due to its

prevalence for everyone in society. The impact grief and loss has on children is

something that needs to be addressed not only for the parents of the child but those who

will be working with the child as well.

During school, teachers and staff will have daily contact with students making it

important for teachers and staff to know what is going on in the student’s life. Knowing

about life-changing events that each student is facing can have a great impact. When the

information is not available for teachers and counselors, it may leave them wondering

what is going on. It is very important to know if something is wrong with a child when

they display behavior that is out of the ordinary.

Not only will children and adolescents be faced with sudden deaths but also some

might be preparing for an anticipatory death. Whether it is the military, terminal illness,

or a high-risk job, preparing these students is something that the adults will need to be

doing. School counselors may be the ones in charge at the school helping these students

through the process and preparing them. Knowledge of such events is always utmost

important and thus communication between the school and parents also becomes very

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important. Knowing how to help these students in a way that works with the parent and

the student is something that takes time. Working with the parents will make the process

an easier one and consistent for the child or adolescent.

In the age of technology, students are communicating less in person and more

through some sort of media whether it is Facebook or other online resources. Knowing

how to use technology is important and counselors need to know how one incorporates

that in the healing process. It becomes a difficult task in the school setting as some

schools allow media use, and others do not. Many use the online resources to

memorialize the deceased or write messages on their Facebook wall to help them cope

with loss. Many of the technology resources available online are not made for the young,

and some may not be appropriate for them to use without the help of a parent.

School counselors have many tools to help these children and adolescents through

the process, but help can only happen if there is knowledge of a problem and willingness

of the student and parent to be involved. Once the student who is grieving is identified,

they can be helped when the school counselor uses a variety of tools and strategies to

assist the grieving process.

Recommendation for Future Research

With death prevalent in the life of all individuals at some point in their life, it is

important to further research in the topic in how to address and aid in the process of

healing. An area that seems to be lacking in the field is how technology has influenced

the healing process in youth. Have there been in trends in children and adolescents using

the internet and other media devises to aid in the grieving process?

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Another area for further research is investigating how culture influences in the

grieving process and how to address it in the school setting. Everyone embraces death in

different ways and thus there needs to be more research on the different ways in which

school personnel can help those from a variety of backgrounds.

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References

Felitti, V. J., &. Anda, R.F. (2009). Adverse childhood experiences (ACE) study.

Retrieved from: www.acestudy.org

Goodman, R. F. (2011). Children and grief: What they know, how they feel, how to help.

NYU Child Study Center. Retrieved from: www.education.com/reference/

article/Ref_Children_Grief_What/

Gurwitch, R. H., & Schonfeld, D. J. (2011). Support traumatized students. ASCA School

Counselor, 49(1), 10-13.

Lyles, M. M. (2006). Children’s Grief Education Association. Retrieved from:

www.childgrief.org

Morrow, A. (2010). The needs of grieving children. Retrieved from:

http:///www.dying.about.com/od/thegrievingprocess/a/childrens_grief.htm

Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning reconstruction & the experience of loss. Washington,

DC: American Psychological Association.

Parkes, C. M. (1986). Bereavement: Studies of grief in adult life (2nd ed.) New York:

Tavistock.

Stroebe, M. S., Hansson, R. O., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2008). Handbook of

bereavement research and practice: Advances in theory and intervention.

Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Studer, J. R. (2011). Youth in crisis. ASCA School Counselor, 49(1), 25-27.

Tillman, K. S., & Rust, J. P. (2011). Kids supporting kids. ASCA School-Counselor,

49(1), 19-23.