August 2010 Personal Excellence · Personal Excellence The Magazine of Personal Leadership August...

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August 2010

“Personal Excellence is the only reading you’ll need to do for continual self-improvement both personallyand professionally!” —Sharlene Hawkes, Former Miss America,

award-winning ESPN broadcaster

Cheryl Richardson Life Coach

Be Richin Purpose

Be Richin Purpose

The LittleThings

The LittleThings

Extreme Self-Care Extreme Self-Care Overgiving ClubOvergiving Club

INSIDEJOHN GRUBBSHunger Pains .................................12JOHN GRAHAMStick Your Neck Out ......................13JAMES MAPESSupport Network ............................14JANET PFEIFFERAnger Is a Choice ...........................14FREEMAN MICHAELSSelf-defeating Behaviors .................15ALAN COHENWho Are You? ................................16JOAN MARQUESPeace of Mind ...................................16

Be Rich in PurposeY o u w i l l t h e n h a v e e n e r g y .

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eby Richard J. Leider

IDENTIFYING YOUR PURPOSE WILL ENABLE YOU TOlead a richer life.I remember when I first became clear about

my purpose. I was in Africa, laboring up MountKilimanjaro with a group of 12 trekkers onone of my wilderness “inventures.” We start-ed discussing: “When have we been reallyhappy?” We talked about the big events: mar-riages, births of children, promotions.

That evening, before the final, freezingascent to 19,360 feet, we cameup with a new way to framethe question: “When did youlast feel truly alive?”

At that moment, most of usfelt half dead from the affectsof altitude and exhaustion.Yet, I blurted, “I know exactlythe last time—now! This is it.I’ve never felt so alive!” Itwasn’t just about climbing themountain, reaching the sum-mit or having a safari adven-ture. When we were up theretogether, with no one to help but ourselves, Ifelt as alive as a soul can feel. I felt on the edge!

Chasing that feeling of aliveness is whatlife is about. And the feeling can come fromexploring your edges in many areas—mind,body, emotions, and spirit.

If you feel urgency to clarify what’s mean-ingful to you and make clear choices today—if you’ve had it with spending your precioustime and energy on your way to somewhereelse—it’s time to start living your dreams.

Living a more meaningful life involves mak-ing decisions about what’s essential. It boilsdown to where you draw the boundaries ontwo questions: “When do you truly feel alive?”and “How much is enough?” Knowing the

DAVID ALLENBe Productive....................................3JACQUELINE WALESIdentify Your Personality .................4SHIRLEY DESAISeven Connections............................4FRED BRODERThe Little Things ..............................5LANCE ARMSTRONGI Dare You..........................................6JIM LOEHRManage Your Energy .......................6CHERYL RICHARDSONOvergiving Club...............................7

LAURA SCHLESSINGERTrue Fulfillment................................8SUE KNIGHTCircle of Excellence...........................8ERIC MAISELProductive Obsessions......................9JOHN BAKERCreative Thinking...............................10HUBERT RAMPERSADAuthentic Brand.............................10JEFFREY HULLRecession Lessons ...........................11PATTI FRALIXYour Life .........................................12

answers will help you bring your lifestyle andworkstyle into balance. It can also be a key topersonal fulfillment—to a life that is simpler,less cluttered, yet rich with purpose and meaning.

People who have lifestyles rich in purposehave six things: 1) a purpose larger than theirown needs, wants and desires—a sense of howtheir lives and work fit into the larger schemeof things; 2) an internal compass which keepsthem truing to their purpose; 3) clear bound-

aries around their two mostprecious currencies—time andmoney; 4) a sense of theirpotential talents, the limits ofwhich have never been tested;5) adaptability when facedwith change—they simplyhandle it; and 6) a feeling ofthe presence of God within.You’d likely make a job changeor take a pay cut in exchangefor meaningful work. So, whyaren’t you living this way, cre-ating a lifestyle rich in purpose?

Change happens for two reasons: 1) you con-front a crisis, or 2) you see that a different wayof life is more fulfilling than your present one.

The latter can happen quickly by meetingevolutionairies—inspiring people who show youthe beauty of simpler, creative ways of living.

The first step is to know what you want andwhy you want it. Purpose is the deeper mean-ing you give to life, work and relationships. Itis the spiritual core, and it helps you to valueand to find the aliveness in all of life’s experiences.

Often a major life change leads you to iden-tify or rediscover your purpose. A purpose issomething you discover. It’s already there. You’velived your life by it, perhaps without realizingit. Although when you do name it, you will

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I N S P I R AT I O N A L • PURPOSE

Volume 15 Issue 8

Personal Excellence is published monthly byExecutive Excellence Publishing, LLC (dbaLeadership Excellence), 1806 North 1120 West,Provo, UT 84604.

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Copyright © 2010 Executive ExcellencePublishing. No part of this publication may bereproduced or transmitted in any form withoutwritten permission from the publisher.Quotations must be credited.

know that you’ve “known” it all along. It’syour lodestar, your personal compass oftruth. It tells you whether you’re livingyour life “on purpose” or not.

A purpose is not a goal. A goal can bereached. Purposes can be used for choosinggoals, but a purpose is never achieved—it iscontinually expressed in each moment thatyou are “on purpose.” Use your purpose toset your course in life. Without a clear senseof purpose, you are at the mercy of the out-side world. You feel lost or out of control.Purpose helps you stay on course and stayclear about how you can make a difference.It can also make passage through a majortransition experience easier.

Discovering Your PurposeTo get a clearer sense of your life pur-

pose, take four steps:1. Make a list of your talents. Identify

three talents important to you and writethem down in one or two words. “Loving,caring, teaching, listening, creat-ing.” Ask friends for suggestions.For example, “My three mostimportant talents are my listening,my creativity, and clear speaking.”

2. Jot down your interests, pas-sions or special knowledges. Whatdo you obsess about, daydreamabout, wish you had more time toput energy into? What needsdoing that you’d like to put your talents towork on? What are the main areas in whichyou’d like to invest your talents? For exam-ple, “My passion or focus is on the commu-nity, my work, family, church, or in helpingpeople to discover their purpose in life.”

3. Think about “environments” that bestbring out your talents and interests. In whatwork and life situations are you most com-fortable expressing your talents? For exam-ple, “I most often express my talents andinterests in small groups, large groups, aspart of a team, alone, in nature, in a studio.”

4. Now combine your answers to questions1, 2 and 3 to make a complete sentence. Forexample: “My purpose in life is . . . (answerto Q1) “to use my listening, my creativityand my clear speaking” (answer to Q2) “tohelp people discover their purpose” (answerto Q3). A first draft of your purpose state-ment could be, My purpose in life is to usemy listening, creativity, and clear speaking tohelp people discover their purpose and to workin a way that reflects my solitary nature.

My purpose has evolved to two simplestatements: “To help people know, feel andexpress their essence.” “To make a real dif-ference in one person’s life every day.”

Use the Purpose FormulaHere is the Purpose Formula: SUM

(Talents + Passions + Environments) XVision = Lifestyle Rich In Purpose.

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• Your talents. Skills that you enjoyexpressing; abilities that come naturally,effortlessly and spontaneously; abilities youcan’t remember learning because you’vebeen doing them effortlessly for so long.• Your passions. Problems you strongly feel

need solving; issues that you’d love to bemore involved in; areas you obsess about orseek to learn more about; activities thatreflect deep and consistent interests.• Your preferred environment. What envi-

ronment would make it easiest or more com-fortable for you to express your talents andpassions? All work situations are valuesenvironments that are either good or bad fitsfor your values, pace and style preferences.A good career fit demands values congruence.• Your vision. How do you see yourself

putting it all together? Lifestyle is an ideal-ized image of how you see yourself livingand working. A lifestyle rich in purposereflects integration between who you areand what you’re doing. People who are “on

purpose” like what they do andwhere they are doing it. Theirlifestyle fits their idealized image(or vision) of themselves.

State your purpose in presenttense. That way it’s always current.You may find that you’ve alreadybeen living your purpose. It helpsto have The Purpose Formula at theforefront of your mind so that the

stresses make more sense and can be con-nected to insights and healthy choices.

Your talents and interests are indicators ofpurpose—like compass readings. Use theseguideposts to organize your time and struc-ture your life.

Taking It in StagesPurpose evolves as interests and experi-

ences change. Often you’ll follow one pur-pose direction (or lifestyle) until you’ve fullyexplored it, then shift to another focus. Thesechanges are triggered by age and by continu-al discovery of who you are. It is part of theprocess of growth and wisdom to discovernew “chambers” and find new insights.

As you move through different ages andstages, the questions that dominate yourgrowth and happiness evolve. The oldchamber feels cramped and lacks room tostretch. Making a living is one thing. Makinga lifestyle rich in purpose is another. Whenyou know your purpose, it’s easier to drawboundaries and choose goals.

The acid test of any life is simply, “Did Ifulfill my purpose?” To live a lifestyle rich inpurpose, act on just one purposeful activityevery day, you will eventually discover the

golden thread that runs throughyour life—your purpose. PE

Richard J. Leider is author of Claiming YourPlace at the Fire. Visit www.richardleider.com.ACTION: Identify and live your life purpose.

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your agreements with key people inyour life. I suggest you do that once aweek. If you want the freedom to havefun, why reserve that for once a year?

Ten-Step Weekly DisciplineWeekly, work through these 10 steps:1. Collect your loose papers. Round

up all scraps of paper—business cards,receipts, meeting notes—and put themin your in-tray.

2. Process your in-basket. Pick eachitem out of your in-tray in turn andmake quick decisions. Is it actionable?If so, what’s the next action? If not, is itsomething you want to keep? Then fileit in the relevant list.

3. Look over your calendar for out-standing action items and bring them

forward if they are still important.4. Write down new projects, action

items, “waiting for” items.5. Review outcome lists. Evaluate the

status of each project, goal and outcome.6. Review “next action” lists. Tick off

each completed action. Look forreminders of further actions.

7. Browse through work in progressand update lists of new actions, com-pletions and “waiting for” items.

8. Review “someday maybe” lists,looking for any projects that havebecome active and transfer them to theprojects list. Delete any dead items.

9. Review “waiting for” lists. Recordany follow-up actions. Check them offas you complete them.

10. Be creative and courageous. Add toyour system any new, wonderful,harebrained, thought-provoking, risk-taking ideas that have occurred to you.

Once you get used to this weeklydiscipline of organizing yourself, youhave no trouble living that way. Thekey is getting into the habit of once aweek reviewing every loose end, every

commitment, to think about what youneed to do and see everything youmight have missed. Think into thefuture to plan ahead. Keep your eye onthe details as well as the big picture.

When you do, things will occur to you—that reminds me I ought to do so-and-so.

Then write it down. Don’t try to keepyour list of things to do in your head.The problem is that as soon as you getabout 10 things in your head, you loseperspective—and with it any thoughtsof strategy or tactics. You need to keepeverything in some objectively review-able form outside of your head.

Getting your act together will gainyou one hour a day. Most of this gainwill come from dealing with matters assoon as they arise—for instance,answering an e-mail when it arrivesrather than looking at it, putting it off,then having to deal with it later. Sortingout the big stuff will free your mind,your psychic RAM, to be creativebecause you stop the little naggingthings from getting in the way.

Now tie up loose ends on less-urgentmatters. Everybody has a backlog of to-do items. Shake out that list and goafter the most strategic items—whichones take the least amount of effort? Isthere anything you’ll have to do atsome point anyway? Revaluate andpotentially renegotiate your agreementswith yourself, and with other people.Get with your key partners in work andin life and think hard about what mat-ters—and what doesn’t matter.

You have more to do than you canpossibly do. You just need to feel goodabout your choices. You can only feelgood about what you are not doingwhen you know what you’re not doing.Creating an organizing system that cap-tures the whims of the outer environmenthelps you do the best you can withwhat you’ve got by controlling yourinner environment. Every decision to actis an intuitive one. The challenge is tomigrate form hoping it is the right choiceto trusting that it’s the right choice.

I suggest that you choose actions inthe moment based on four criteria: con-text, time, energy and priority. Contextrefers to the location, setting, and theresources available. The time and energyavailable determines the kind of workyou’re willing and able to do. And thenpriority refers to What is the best thing forme to be doing now? PE

David Allen is founder of David Allen & Co, a con-sulting group, and cofounder of Actioneer Inc, a soft-ware company in timesaving tools, and author ofGetting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity(Viking, 2001). Email [email protected].

ACTION: Gain an extra hour a day.

by David Allen

YOU CAN ACHIEVE STRESS-free efficiency and pro-

ductivity and get things donewith less effort by staying focused onboth the big picture and important details.

Stop obsessing over the sky-is-fallingdoom and gloom. Get a grip. The onlyway to relax is to deal with what yourattention is wrapped around. Whenyou’re stressed out, overwhelmed,upset, and reactive, you can’t focus—and focus is the key to productivity.

Obey the two-minute rule. Adheringto this rule adds six months to your life.If the next action takes less than twominutes, do it straight-away. Whenyou’re overwhelmed, blitz through sev-eral two-minute actions, rapidly regain-ing control. If your next action dependson someone else’s action, it goes on a“waiting for” list. If actions have morethan one step, call them “projects.” Allprojects should have at least one associ-ated action. If you lack time or inclina-tion to pursue them this year, they goon a list called, “someday maybe.”

Make information accessible.Overhaul your filing system. Filesshould be swivel distance from yourdesk. Forget fancy categories and sub-divisions. You need an A to Z referencesystem using folders and a labeller.Something mystical happens when youlabel files, folders and other things. Anin-basket enables you to corral stuff soyour brain can focus on one thing at atime. But it is not all just about trans-forming your life through labels andlists—it is what lists get you to focuson. You’re getting things done becauseyou’re seeing them done. You are incontrol, relaxed, and inspired.

Review regularly. The weekly reviewcaptures fine details of what you needto do. Once a week, schedule a weeklyreview, perhaps two hours on Friday,although you might do this midweekor on the weekend. Try playing back-ground music while you do this.

Go on vacation with a clear con-science and a clear desk. You tend tofeel best about your job one weekbefore a holiday because you’re clear-ing up, cleaning up, clarifying, identify-ing things that would fall apart if youdidn’t handle them, renegotiating all

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Be ProductiveG a i n a n e x t r a h o u r a d a y.

P R O F E S S I O N A L • P R O D U C T I V I T Y

great deal of pride, which stops youfrom sharing your feelings meaningfully.You need to move out of passive modeand into action so you can say No andmean it. Worry less about what otherpeople do and think, and work more onthe tasks at hand.

Learn how to use your greateststrengths to overcome your greatestweakness so you can achieve what youwant in life. By analyzing your person-ality, you can learn how to identify thedifferent personalities you associate withdaily. This will help you connect withothers and build deeper, more meaning-ful and profitable relationships. PE

Jacqueline Wales, author of The Fearless Factor, helpsyou reach your potential. Visit www.thefearfactor.comfor her eBook Finding Success Through UnderstandingPersonalities.

ACTION: Make your strengths work for you.

by Jacqueline Wales

IN 15 SECONDS, I CAN READyour personality and tell

you what your skills,strengths and weaknesses are—andhow to make your strengths work foryou so you can bridge the gap betweenfear and opportunity and reach yourfull potential.

Reading personalities is an art form,a potent way of meaningfully connect-ing with people, and a powerful way toidentify your greatest strengths andyour weaknesses.

Once you identify your personality,you can read the personalities of otherpeople and connect with them in a wayyou never thought possible.

Try this simple exercise: think aboutwhat shape resonates with you thestrongest—a cube, pyramid, wavy line,or ball. What would be your firstchoice? What’s your second choice? Listthe four shapes in the order that mostappeals to you.

What is Your Personality?After completing this exercise, you

can identify your personality type.The cube is the Systems Person. You

are an analytical person who likes tocross the T’s and dot the I’s. Your great-est strength is your ability to thinkthings through, analyze in detail andavoid fatal mistakes. But your greateststrengths can also be your greatestweakness because you can be held backwhen you analyze too much. You tendto hesitate in making decisions untilyou have all the facts, and you refuse totake risks or act spontaneously withoutthe facts. Making mistakes is not anoption, so you limit the opportunitiesthat come your way. You are task dri-ven, and need to be less picky withother people so you can relax and enjoythe view.

The pyramid is the Results Person.You are driven to succeed. Results areimportant, and reaching your goals isnumber one. You want to move asquickly as possible; sometimes youpush too hard and jump into the actiontoo fast without having all the facts.This can slow you down. Try to not beso pushy. Being a control freak may helpyou succeed, but it won’t make you themost popular person around. Learn toslow down and inhale the fresh air.

by Shirley Desai

WHAT CONSTITUTES Agood decision? The

best decisions in my life areones that open me up to transformationand positive changes—decisions suchas going to business school, marryingmy husband, reading Autobiography ofa Yogi, joining the local symphony as aviolinist, and writing The 7 Connectionsto Happiness and Harmony.

One big obstacle to trans-formation is not knowingwhat is wrong, or right, withyour life, or that you needtransformation in your life.

This reminds me of a per-son with chronic back painwho becomes so accustomedto putting up with it that henever thinks about tryingremedies to alleviate it. This physicalpain is analogous to emotional painand stress that many people endure.

The wisdom of the seven chakrasoffers us a fresh canvas for understand-ing our obstacles and our unique capa-bilities in making shifts to remedy painand problems. The chakras are energyor intelligence centers that enable us toaccess information from the most phys-ical aspects of fear and safety to thehighest levels of spiritual ecstasy.

The Seven Chakra Model addressesthe invisible yet powerful force of ener-gy centers. It helps me see what’s bro-ken in my life and how to awaken my

higher faculties and talents. The chakras,in descending order, are: 7) Vision andHigher Purpose (Crown); 6) Analysis andIntuition; 5) Creativity and Self-Expression;4) Love and Truth (Heart); 3) Ego andValues; 2) Excitement, Pleasure andChange; and 1) Safety and Fear (Root).

The lower chakras (1 to 3) focus onthe physical aspects of life governingsafety, physical pleasure, and self-worth. When you feel unbalanced inthese areas, it makes life unstable andinharmonious. The higher chakras (4 to7) are focused on the soul’s higher capa-bilities of love, creativity, intuition, andspiritual purpose. These centers requirework and patience to cultivate, butthey help you feel and experience

greater joy and happiness.Happiness and joy are

experiences that can grow.You’re not rationed a certainamount of happiness. Youcan experience greater hap-piness as you start engagingthe higher chakras in your life.Still, your lower chakras needto be balanced. You need to

get your internal house in order first, toembrace real joy and become fulfilled.

The first key step is to unclog block-ages or mental traps. These traps canbe fears (Chakra 1) or memories of pastbad experiences; these traps can also bethe ego and the importance you attachto your sense of self. Isolate areas thatcan be improved for more rewardingand fulfilling life experiences. As youremove these blockages, you openyourself up to greater enjoyment. PE

Shirley Desai is author of The 7 Connections toHappiness and Harmony: Decision Making Made EasyWith Yoga’s 7 Chakras. Visit www.shirleydesai.com.

ACTION: Make wiser decisions.

P R O F E S S I O N A L • STRENGTHS

Seven ConnectionsMaking balanced decisions.

Identify Your PersonalityMake strengths work for you.

P R O F E S S I O N A L • DECISIONS

Give people more room to come onboard and learn how to have more fun.

The wavy line is the Idea Person. Youhave great energy, excitement, andenthusiasm for life. You have a millionideas, but you rarely follow-through onthem because you don’t focus longenough to figure out what will work.Before you know it, you’re dancingonto the next idea. Keeping up withyou is hard. You need to slow down,pay attention to the details, and focuson the task at hand to get more done.

The ball is the People Pleaser. You justwant to make people happy and willquickly raise your hand when someoneneeds help. However, your ability totake care of others doesn’t extend toyourself. You quickly take on more thanyou can handle, which builds resent-ment. You are stubborn and generate a



Success Is the End ProductIn a business, having a successful

enterprise is the end product of manysmall acts of customer service, offeringvalue and exhibiting integrity.

There is a saying that you can deter-mine the quality of maintenance of an air-line’s engines by looking at the tray tables.If the tray tables are dirty, chipped orworn, then that tells you somethingabout the level of attentiveness to detail,in general, that the airline practices.

It really is about the little things.So, too, being healthy is the result of

many small decisions and actions relat-ed to diet, exercise, and relaxationhabits that logically lead to good health.

It really is about the little things.Have you been pre-occupied with the

end products in your life? Have you lostsight of the details? It’s easy to lose trackof and not attend to the little things.Sometimes it takes effort to rememberto smile, to listen, to touch, to offer sup-port, to say “thank you” or “please”.

If you are not naturally inclined toattend to the “little things”, then youwill only do so if you understand howthey help you to achieve your end goals.If your end goals are happiness, lessstress, more affection, greater commit-ment and results, then attention to thelittle things is your “admission ticket.”

Here Is Your AssignmentAs you confront your mortality, it is

often not the Big Things in your life thatyou recall, cherish, and in which youseek comfort. It’s all the “little things.”

Here is your four-step assignment:Step 1: Ask yourself: “What “little

thing” today can I do or give someonethat would make them happy?”

Step 2: Do it! Do the little thing thatcame into your mind.

Step 3: Ask: What” little thing” todaywould I like to receive from someonethat would really make me happy?

Step 4: Tell them what you need orwant today!

The same foot blisters that CoachWooden was trying to spare his playersfrom developing (which would haveprevented them from competing), arecomparable to the “emotional blisters”and disappointments many of us carryin our heart and our psyche because weor people in our lives are not attendingto the “little things”.

Starting Today: Pay attention to howyou put on your socks! PE

Fred Broder is a speaker, sales, management and leader-ship trainer, and author of Does Your Life Need ALaxative? Visit www.fredbroder.com, call 770-392-0382,or email [email protected].

ACTION: Attend to the Little Things.

P H Y S I C A L • W I N N I N G

things” that contribute to a successfulmarriage or relationship.

She understands that being happilymarried is a culminating ”concept”which is comprised of the accumula-tion of many small acts of considera-tion and expressions of caring. It’sreally about the little things.

Your Life Is a ReflectionIn your family or social life, the

measure of love, contentment, stabilityand longevity is usually a reflection ofhow well you have attended to the “lit-tle things”—these small acts of kind-ness and consideration to others.

Often, you come into a relationshipwith a set of expectations of what youwant or need from others. Assuming

these expectations are realistic anddeserving, the willingness of the otherparty to identify and deliver on theseexpectations influences that relation-ship’s “satisfaction meter”. However,the real power, the neutron bomb, ofdoing “the little things” really impactsothers when you do the unexpected.

Big deal! Anyone can send a card orgift on an occasion. Typically, yourespond to a “guilt trip’ perpetrated byFTD, Hallmark, and all their economicpartners who remind us that there is aspecific occasion (real, such as a birth-day, or contrived, such as GrandparentsDay) that warrants an obligatory act ofkindness. While some argue that somekind act, regardless of its motivation, isbetter than none, I would opt for the“Just Because” philosophy.

The real value of sending a card orgift is Just because—Just because we haveanother day together; just because I lovethe way you smile; just because youmake me feel complete; just because youare an important part of our company.

by Fred Broder

I’M NOT INTO PIE-IN-THE-SKYself-help, and so I wrote a

practical book, Does Your LifeNeed A Laxative?, that can help youchange your life for the better—improve your attitude, relationships,the decisions you make and the actionsyou take every day. Nothing new hascome down from Mt. Sinai lately. It’sthe common sense things we’velearned but don’t tend to practice on aconsistent basis that frequently cause usto miss the “Boat of Life”.

I encourage you to read material thataddresses your “dashboard of life”—tonot love life in the abstract but to livelife in concrete details, the little things,that make such a big difference in life.

An Example from SportsJohn Wooden was the legendary bas-

ketball coach of UCLA. His teams won10 NCAA Championships, 88 consecu-tive games, and he had an 80 percentwinning record. He is considered thewinningest coach in sports history.

Coach Wooden had a unique styleand philosophy of coaching. Hefocused on the details of winning—noton the concept of winning. In fact, henever told his players, “win the game.”

He was known for starting each sea-son by reviewing with his players theproper way to put on their socks. Heexplained, “It’s the little things” thatdetermine success and failure.

In basketball, the most common in-jury is blisters on players’ feet caused ifplayers don’t properly put on and posi-tion their socks!

Application of This IdeaI thought about this idea of how

“the little things” in your life can deter-mine the outcome of the “big things” inyour life and leadership.

The significance of this concept hitas I was having a discussion with mydaughter. She mentioned, with appreci-ation, how I still open the car door formy wife, how I always accompany hermom if she has to go out late at night,how I still hold my wife’s hand, andsend her flowers.

Wow, I thought, my daughter Shirahas been paying attention to the “little

The Little ThingsI t ’ s a l l a b o u t y o u r s o c k s .

By making small changes to dailybehaviors of spending, you can savemuch money, eliminate debt, and avoidliving check-to-check. This may requiresetting up a savings account, creating afinancial plan, and cutting credit cards!

11. Spend more time with your family.Build and maintain relationships withthose you love. Learn more about eachother by making time for family mealsand activities. Strive to be more patient.

12. Reduce stress to let go of anxietyand think more clearly. Practice deepbreathing, working out, or pursuing ahobby. Reduce anxiety so you can con-centrate and maintain a positive attitude. PE

Lance Armstrong, seven-time winner of the Tour de France,is chairman of the Lance Armstrong Foundation for cancerresearch and support. Visit www.livestrong.org.

ACTION: Take and give a LiveStrong dare.

by Lance Armstrong

YOU HAVE THE POWER TOmake your life better. My

LiveStrong Dares help you takecharge and commit to improve your life.Take a dare or give a dare today.

Here are a Dozen Dares to consider:1. Track your food daily. You’ll see

results over time. No matter what yourgoal, when you track your food andyour fitness, you’ll be more accountablefor your daily habits.

2. Take a multivitamin daily. It canbe difficult for even active and healthypeople to get the recommend servingsof fruits and vegetables daily. Multi-vit-amins offer an easy way to achieveyour nutrient goals.

3. Eat more fruits and vegetablesdaily. Getting your recommended doseof fruits and vegetables can be harderthan you think. Most Americans fallshort of the recommended 5 to 13 serv-ings of fruits and vegetables. They missout on the health benefits of a diet richin colorful fruits and vegetables becausethey have a “phytonutrient gap.” Manyphytonutrients are powerful antioxidantsthat can help fight the damage causedto our bodies, cells over time, leading topremature aging and disease. They alsooffer many health benefits. Phyto-nutri-ents can help fill that gap, leading to ahealthier lifestyle and better health.

The health benefits come from thecompounds that give these foods theirvibrant reds, yellows, greens and otherrich colors. Some phytonutrients—likelycopene from tomatoes or carotenoidsfound in oranges and carrots—maysound familiar, but many others such aslutein found in greens, like spinach andbroccoli or allicin found in garlic, arejust being recognized.

4. Stop binge eating. You can estab-lish a healthy relationship with foodand maintain a healthy weight. Bingeeating can be a signal you need to dealwith underlying emotional issuesbefore proceeding with a diet program.

5. Quit smoking. Smoking is a pre-ventable cause of disease and prema-ture death. Quit smoking to improveyour health and increase your lifespan.

6. Get more sleep. Getting six to eighthours of sleep per night can put you ina positive mood, make you feelrefreshed, and help you concentrate.

by Jim Loehr

IN DIGITAL TIME, YOUR PACEis rushed and relentless.

Facing crushing workloads,you try to cram more into every day.You’re wired up, but melting down.Time management is no longer a viablesolution. Managing energy, not time, isthe key to high performance as well asto health, happiness, and life balance.

The number of hours in a day is fixed,but the quantity and qualityof the energy available to youis not. This insight has thepower to revolutionize theway you live your life bymanaging your energy.

By tapping into The Powerof Full Engagement, you can:mobilize key sources of ener-gy, balance energy expendi-ture with energy renewal, expandcapacity in the same way that elite ath-letes do, and create positive energy man-agement rituals—habits of behavior thatenhance energy in service of your mis-sion—and a daily accountability systemthat facilitates transformation.

This gives you a life-changing map forbecoming more fully engaged—mean-ing physically energized, emotionally con-nected, mentally focused, and spirituallyaligned. Each of these four sources ofenergy is necessary; none is sufficientby itself, and each influences the others.

One of the best ways to transformyour life is to change the stories you tell

to and about yourself. Stories reflectyour interpretation of your experiences.The stories you tell represent the singlemost powerful tool you have for man-aging energy and achieving any mis-sion in life. You have stories about yourwork, family, relationships, health, de-sires, and capabilities. Yet, while yourstories profoundly affect how otherssee you and how you see yourself, youmay not recognize that you’re tellingstories, or what they are, or that youcan change them—and, in turn, trans-form your destiny. The most importantstory you will ever tell is the storyabout yourself that you tell to yourself.

Telling yourself stories providesstructure and direction as you navigate

life’s challenges and oppor-tunities, and helps you inter-pret your goals and skills.Stories make sense of chaos;they organize your manydivergent experiences into acoherent thread; they shapeyour reality. But many ofyour stories are dysfunction-al, in need of editing. In what

areas of your life is it clear that you can’tachieve your goals with the story you’vegot? Create new, reality-based storiesthat inspire you to action, and take youwhere you want to go—in your workand personal life.

Identify your purpose—your life’smission—and create new stories align-ed with your ultimate purpose. Thenuse a 90-day plan to guarantee thatyour new stories become reality. PE

Jim Loehr is CEO of the Human Performance Instituteand co-author of The Power of Full Engagement. Call407-438-9911 or email [email protected].

ACTION: Manage your energy.

P H Y S I C A L • DARES

Manage Your EnergyIt’s key to optimal performance.

I Dare YouTo change your life.

P H Y S I C A L • ENERGY

7. Lose weight so you can look great,feel better, and reduce your risk for dis-ease. You’ve worked hard to make it tothis point—don’t add pounds back now!

8. Exercise regularly to boost your im-mune system, get fit, and improve yourmental well-being. Starting an exerciseroutine will also help prevent disease.

9. Walk 20 minutes a day—about2,000 steps. Wear a pedometer to keeptrack of your steps. Increase your stepsby 500 each day and shoot for 10,000.Soon, you’ll be walking your way intoyour healthy new life. To increase yoursteps: don’t park in the closest spot; takethe stairs; walk to do errands or getlunch; plan a walking meeting or date.

10. Save money and build a securefinancial future. You may need to re-arrange your finances, cut back on dailyexpenses or invest in a savings account.



coach’s suggestions seemed idealistic,but, as I would soon discover, a greatlife starts with an open mind.

Maybe you’re praying that a lovedone recovers from a serious illness—orthat your new date calls again, or thatyour son gets into his top college choice.Whatever the situation, times likethese challenge us to go beyond lifeskills like critical thinking or organiza-tion. In these cases, when you trulyhave no sway in the outcome, only ahigher, more spiritual skill will get youthrough: the ability to surrender.

Knowing how to surrender reflectsspiritual maturity—and it requirespatience and practice. But it’s worth it.When I think about my own life, I cansee that when I’m able to relinquish

my will to a higher power, things areno longer a struggle; life gets easier. Idon’t waste enormous amounts ofenergy trying to maintain an illusionof control. Instead, I find that byreleasing my grip, a power greaterthan myself seems to take hold to steerme where I need to go.

Our source of suffering is alwaysrelated to our resistance to what is. Thesoul doesn’t try to control life; the egodoes. When your ego is wrapped firm-ly around a desire, your peace of mindand happiness are held hostage by anobsessive need to control the outcome.After enough pain and suffering, you’lleventually get the message: If youdon’t learn to surrender your will, youwill surrender your peace.

It takes a leap of faith to abandonyour way for the right way. It meansletting go of how you think thingsshould be and accepting them as theyare. When we surrender, it doesn’tmean that we throw our hands in theair and do nothing; it means we payclose attention to our intuition so we

can act on this wisdom. Then, oncewe’ve done what we can, we let go andallow grace to shine a light on a betterpath, one that brings about the resultthat ultimately serves our highest good.

Hands Off the WheelSeveral years ago, I learned an

important lesson about letting go.Things often work out for the best inways that we can’t possibly imagineand don’t expect.

I once met a woman, Noreen, whotold me: “If you could suddenly riseabove your life and look behind thescenes, you’d understand why thingshappen the way they do,” she said.“But you can’t. Sometimes you justhave to surrender.”

She spoke from experience. She’dbeen away with her family on vacationwhen she received some terrible news:Her mother, just short of her 60th birth-day, had suffered a stroke and died.“During both the funeral and week ofsitting shivah, I struggled to come toterms with her death,” Noreen told me.“I felt tortured about not being therewhen she died and not having one lastchance to tell her how much she meantto me. I finally faced the reality thatthere was nothing I could do to changewhat happened. I needed to surrenderand let my emotions run their course.Something about grieving teaches youwhat it really means to let go.”

Learning to surrender doesn’trequire a long, drawn out series ofpainfully difficult steps. A simpleprayer such as “Help me to accept thethings I can’t change” can go a longway toward giving you the strengthyou need to let something go. Let yourprayer be an invitation to grace, onethat says, “I’ll trust my intuition, takethe steps that feel right, and do my bestto release my attachment to the result.”Surround yourself with reminders thatwill inspire you to let things go. I havetwo signs that hang on the wall in myoffice. One says, “Surrender DrawsGrace” (a phrase from my friend Jerry),and the other says, “The World IsConspiring in Your Favor” (compli-ments of my friend Bruce). When I’mstruggling, these signs remind me totrust and let things unfold as they may.And here’s the funny thing about let-ting go: When we learn to surrender, wethen make space for true miracles tohappen. Are you ready for a miracle? PE

Cheryl Richardson is a life coach and author of TakeTime for Your Life, Life Makeovers, Stand Up for Your Life,and The Unmistakable Touch of Grace (Free Press). Visitwww.CherylRichardson.com.

ACTION: Enjoy guilt-free self-love.

by Cheryl Richardson

WHO SAYS SELFISH HAS TObe a dirty word? In 1994,

I decided to hire my first per-sonal coach. My coach, Thomas, askedme to tell him a little about my life. Hewanted to get a sense of who I was andhow I lived. For the next 20 minutes, Italked about all the things that occupiedmy time. As I listened to myself talkabout my schedule, I felt pretty good. Acertain satisfaction comes from beingneeded and in demand. When I fin-ished, Thomas was quiet and then, witha slight edge in his voice, said, “Wow,you do a great job of taking care of peo-ple. You’re such a good person.”

I smiled, thinking, Hmm, he reallygets me. But what he said next took meby surprise: “And the truth is, Cheryl,your ‘good girl’ role is going to rob youof your life.”

I sat still for a time. My moment oftriumph slowly turned to tears as hiswords hit home. I was a good girl. I wasso used to playing the role of caretakerthat it had become a normal way of life.It had also become my identity andhow I defined my self-worth. Now,many years later, I know I wasn’t alone.So many of us, especially women, takeon this “noble” role. What we don’trealize—until it’s too late—is the highprice we pay for being so generous—aprice extracted from our very bones.

Extreme Self-CareThomas introduced me to the con-

cept of Extreme Self-Care. The wordextreme intrigued me. Extreme Self-Caremeant taking my care to a new level—alevel that, to me, seemed arrogant andselfish, practiced by people who had aninappropriate sense of entitlement. Itmeant taking radical action to improvemy life and engaging in daily habitsthat allowed me to maintain this newstandard of living. For example, it was-n’t enough to take a weekend off fromhelping others so that I could enjoysome downtime. Thomas wanted me toschedule time for myself (on my calen-dar, in ink) every day for six months.

At first I resisted the idea of ExtremeSelf-Care. Time to myself every day? Icould barely find time to go to the bath-room, let alone for a walk at lunch. My

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Overgiving ClubAdopt a new attitude of guilt-free self-love.

S O C I A L / E M O T I O N A L • G I V I N G

Being a “fair-weather spouse” is notabout love—it is a narcissistic view ofrelationships. Keeping an open heart tothe warmth of family and friends,putting yourself out for others at a timewhen you feel you have nothing to give,will give you a big surprise—a bettermood and a better view of life.

I’m weary of folks misusing, abusing,manipulating, and misunderstandingthe concept of forgiveness. Some thingsare unforgivable. Forgiving the unfor-givable is joining the evil. Showing com-passion for evil shows callousnesstoward the innocent. To make evil-doersout to be victims, too, is our weak will-ingness to deny evil as a choice. PE

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a talk show host and best sell-ing author of 12 books, including, In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms (Harper-Collins). Visit www.drlaura.com.

ACTION: Gain emotional health.

by Laura Schlessinger

MANY WOMEN FEEL GUILTYfor yearning to stay at

home and raise their children.Some feel intimidated by a culture thatdoesn’t value hands-on moms. Thefeminist movement has tried to decon-struct the family under the guise thatgender isn’t significant for child-rearingand marriage. Women’s magazinesdeclare that the most important thing awoman can do is make herself happy(through work), or maintain power (herown bank account), and make sure thata representative of the evil empire (aman/husband) does not oppress her.

Guess what? Women these days areless happy (missing the joys of develop-ing and loving children) and more fren-zied (trying to be and do everything).At home, women have time to growspiritually, intellectually, and physically.They also lose much of their feminist-trained hostility toward their husbands.They develop a deeper appreciation forhow they are singularly responsible forthe attitude and atmosphere of the home.

A woman once called me to complainabout her resentment over “fulfilling theneeds of my husband.” I asked whetherthose needs were immoral or illegal.“No,” she said, “just feels like a burden.”

This sentiment of being burdened bythe needs of one’s spouse is common.How can you possibly feel burdenedresponding to and taking care of theneeds of your beloved, when that is theexact definition of loving somebody? Itis a blessing and a privilege to havesomebody to love. Loving someone is tobe aware, sensitive, and involved in meet-ing that person’s (reasonable) needs. Whenyou express resentment, it’s usually be-cause you see the person as an intrusioninto what really matters: family, work,friends, and hobbies. In which case,you’re taking that person for granted.

People don’t grow apart in relation-ships. They simply stop taking care ofeach other. They stop waking up andlooking at their spouse with gratitudeand awe. They stop finding ways tomake that person happy that they aremarried to each other. They stop behav-ing as though they love that personwith their last breath. They stop beingthe kind of person they themselveswould want to come home to.

by Sue Knight

WHAT COULD YOU ACHIEVEif you had more confi-

dence when you need it? Whatpositive feelings from your past wouldyou want to re-experience if you couldtransfer them to your current challenge?

By taking the five steps in The Circleof Excellence, you can do just that.

1. Relive confidence. Thinkof a time when you were veryconfident. Relive the moment,seeing what you saw andhearing what you heard, sothat your feelings are strong.Pretend you are back in thesituation. Stand or sit andgesture the way you did then.

2. Circle of Excellence. Asyou feel the confidence building in you,imagine a colored circle around your feet.What color would you like it to be?Would you like it to have a sound like asoft hum that indicates power? Whenthat feeling of confidence is at its peak,step out of the circle, leaving the confi-dent feelings inside. Create an image ofyour Circle of Excellence that is right foryou, and then attach it to confident feel-ings. You might step in and out of yourCircle of Excellence several times toensure the image of your circle becomesa trigger for your positive feelings.

3. Selecting cues. Now think of a timein your future when you want to feelconfident. See and hear what will be

there just before you want to feel confi-dent. The cue could be your boss’soffice door, your office phone, or hear-ing yourself being introduced before aspeech. Be sure that the cues you chooseare ones that you’ll notice just before youwant to have your confident feelings.

4. Linking. When those cues are clearin your mind, step back into the circleand feel those confident feelings again.Imagine that future situation with theseconfident feelings. Step into your circleas soon as you become aware of thecues, so that the positive feelings aretriggered before you need them.

5. Check results. Now step out of thecircle again, leaving those confident

feelings in the circle. Outsidethe circle, think again of thatfuture event. You’ll recallthose confident feelings.Now, when the event arrives,you’ll naturally respondmore confidently. When youmake a solid connection, thecues automatically result inthe positive feelings of your

Circle of Excellence.When you use the Circle of Excellence,

you take the initiative. You decide howyou want to react to the events in yourlife. You take the feelings of confidenceyou’ve experienced in the past andattach them to a future situation thatmight be intimidating. You can chooseto use this Circle of Excellence the wayyou want, when you want it. In any situ-ation, you can choose how you want to feeland respond. You can choose to live yourlife on purpose. PE

Sue Knight is a consultant specializing in NLP trainingand author of NLP at Work. Visit www.sueknight.co.uk.

ACTION: Gain confidence in the Circle of Excellence.

E M O T I O N A L • FULFILLMENT


Circle of ExcellenceYou can have more confidence.

True FulfillmentYou can find it at home.

S O C I A L • C O N F I D E N C E

When confronted with a major chal-lenge, the best medicine is continuing toenjoy the love and warmth of spouse andchildren. Instead, injured parties oftenturn on their families instead of turningto them. The death of a child can breakmarriages up because one or both par-ents go into a corner to mourn. Pullinginto yourself doesn’t make the pain goaway. In fact, it intensifies it and isolatesyou at a time when you need the bond-ing of a loved one the most. Gettingthrough the tough parts of life can makeyou self-centered, which is counterpro-ductive to feeling better, and enjoying thequality of a marriage and peace in the home.

Emotional and psychological healthis much within your control. Isolation,wallowing in resentments, rehashinghurts, and finding ways to strike back atlife make living a terrible agony.


not working, psychology has missedthe fact that the brain’s ability to obsesscan also amount to a real treasure.

The brain can also productivelyobsess—and it wants to. Consciouslycreating and actively nurturing pro-ductive obsessions amount to the verybest solution for the problems that somany people are experiencing today—problems like getting easily distracted,starting things and then losing interest,and feeling like life is passing them by.

When you decide to elevate aninterest into an obsession, these prob-lems resolve themselves. Turning mereinterests into obsessions ignites yourpassion and leads to self-motivation.You are happier and more efficientwhen you productively obsess.

Instead of giving up on your busi-ness, your creative project, or the per-sonal problem that you’re trying tosolve, you can find new motivation,new energy, and sustained interest inyour own ideas and your own work.

It is not enough to possess a perfectlygood brain—you must also take chargeof it; and creating productive obsessionsis an excellent way to do that. If youdon’t take good charge of your brain,you’ll find yourself trapped in triviali-ties, condemned to impulsivity, ledaround by anxiety, and duller and sad-der than you need to be. Productivelyobsessing is an antidote to all that.

Don’t allow yourself to worry aboutanything—you grow numb with dis-tractions, wasting neurons. You staymired in the brain equivalent of a ratrace as you spend your neuronal capi-tal on spinning hamster wheels.

You can transform this picture bylearning how to productively obsess.The trick to creating an authentic life istaking charge of how you use yourbrain. Rather than thinking about a

million things, which amounts to thinkingabout nothing, you announce to yourbrain that you have a fine use for it andintend to move it to a higher gear. Sinceyour brain is an engine meant to per-form in high gear, it has been waitingfor this exact invitation—and it willrespond beautifully to your invitation.

A productive obsession is an ideathat you choose for your own reasonsand that you pursue with all of yourbrain’s power. You take the seed of anidea and nurture it, providing it withgenuine neuronal devotion.

When you live your life as a series ofproductive obsessions, your interestnever flags and life feels genuinelyworth living. If you’ve been reluctant toraise the bar and turn your interestsinto genuine productive obsessions,now is the time to unleash your brainand let it work for you beautifully.

Unproductive obsessions are fueledby anxiety and distorted thinking. Theycontrol you. You don't want or deservesuch obsessions. They prevent you fromthinking straight, and make you miser-able. Productive obsessions act in the ser-vice of thoughts you want. They arefueled by your decisions about whereyou want to apply your brainpower.When you take charge of what youwant to think about, and pursue trainsof thought that serve you, you createproductive obsessions and return yourbrain’s power to your own control.

Devote yourself to your productivethoughts. By productively obsessing, youbring optimism and all of your brain’spower to the problem, opportunity, orchallenge. Whatever your most pressingconcern, by focusing on the problem yougive yourself the best chance to find asmart, workable solution.

Take three tips to productively obsess:1. Plan your productive obsessions.

Choose your obsession and then fit thatobsession into the rest of your life.

2. Think through how you will man-age your productive obsession. Produc-tive obsessions stir the mind. When youcreate brainstorms, you create internallightning; but you need to control thatenergy so that when it's time to readyour daughter a bedtime story you caneffortlessly shut down your obsession.

3. Learn how to easily switch gearsbetween your ordinary way of thinkingand your productive obsessing. You canmove efficiently from one gear to anoth-er, revving up to obsess, revving downto peel potatoes or chat with a mate. PE

Eric Maisel, Ph.D., is author of Brainstorm: Harnessingthe Power of Productive Obsessions (New WorldLibrary). Visit www.newworldlibrary.com.

ACTION: Productively obsess to meet challenges.

by Eric Maisel

IN WORKING WITH CLIENTS ASa creativity coach, I began

to see a recurring pattern:they would quickly lose interest inactivities, projects, relationships andcareers that they had started with greatenthusiasm. They’d even lose interestin solving their pressing problems.

Why are we burdened by this debili-tating penchant for starting things withgreat energy and passion and allowingthe fire to die out in no time?

Part of the answer revolved aroundthe way the word obsession had beenhijacked by the therapeutic world andturned into a negative. Therapistsdefine all obsessions as intrusive,unwanted thoughts and such thinkingprevents people from feeling comfort-able getting involved with their pas-sions and interests. If, as a culture, yousay, “Watch out!” every time someonegets engrossed in something, you beginto produce a culture that loses enthusi-asm quickly for whatever it starts.

Many of our obsessions are not ofour choosing and do not serve us—that’s why obsessions have gotten sucha bad name. These unwanted obses-sions arise because we are anxious crea-tures. Our unproductive thoughts keepcycling repeatedly to the beat of thatanxiety and produce negative obses-sions. We obsess about some trivial mat-ter at work and, having resolved thatmatter, we obsess about the next trivialmatter at work. We obsess about thingsthat we want to happen, like winningthe lottery, and about things that wedon’t want to happen, like getting wrin-kles. Our mind, which ought to be ours,is stolen away by anxiety thieves.

These unproductive obsessions wasteour time and pressure us to behave com-pulsively (hence the term obsessive-com-pulsive). Anxiety fuels these obsessionsand the effort to relieve our anxietyleads us to pointless, questionable, ordangerous behaviors intended to quietour nerves and banish the anxiety. Ourown nervous system puts us underenormous pressure and produces allsorts of unhappy effects. No wonderpsychology has taken aim at this seri-ous human problem! But by focusingall of its attention on illness and what’s

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Productive ObsessionsL e a r n t o h a r n e s s t h e p o w e r .

M E N TA L • O B S E S S I O N S

occasional unpredictability. Being irre-sponsible is letting people down; beingunpredictable is surprising people. Set aweekly goal that has nothing to do withyour daily habits or responsibilities. Visita museum, see a ballgame, go to an opera,volunteer on a committee that exposesyou to new people, or take one night aweek to learn how to play the guitar.

5. MYOB. There are things you cancontrol, and things you can influence.Then, there are things you neither con-trol nor influence, but still spend timeand energy on. These things tend tomake you feel trapped and fatalistic.Eliminate from your day those activitiesthat you neither control nor influence. PE

John Baker is the founder of READY Thinking, LLC, anorganizational and leadership development firm. [email protected].

ACTION: Get out of your personal ruts.

by John Baker

IF YOU HOPE TO JUMP-STARTcreativity and stimulate

innovative, outside-the-boxthinking, start with a very pedestriantarget: to get out of your ruts and unstuckfrom your mental and physical habits.

In a Minnesota winter, it is commonto get a big, wet snowfall followed byfrigid weather, resulting in ruts in theroad that are hammered straight bycountless commuters, cast harder thaniron, and lasting into the spring thaw.Driving in the ruts is difficult, but dri-ving outside the ruts produces an axel-busting bumpy ride. Strangely, after awhile, you begin not to notice the ruts—they become facts of life. Only whenthe sun starts to melt the snow and icedo you realize how confining and mis-erable the drive to work has been.

You may operate in ruts of your own,not made of hardened snow and ice butforged like steel through the alchemy ofroutine and habit. No matter how suc-cessful you are, or how much you enjoyyour work, doing the same thing everyday in the same way can create a senseof disconnection, boredom, and feelingsof helplessness or depression.

All change is personal, so the barri-ers to innovative and creative thinkingare uniquely individual. You need tofind coping mechanisms to overcomeyour personal barriers to change. Thesefive steps can help you get un-stuck:

1. Wake up. You’re operating underthe numbing anesthesia of disciplineand regimen. Admit that certain partsof your day are becoming drudgeryand sapping your spirit. Success comesfrom attention to detail and consistencyof performance, but these same attribut-es can make your job joyless and gutyour initiative. Look at your calendarand ask yourself, “What do I resentdoing? What hasn’t changed for me inthe past six months? When do I func-tion only on auto-pilot?” For example,you might spend your time during thedaily commute in a stupor. Why notuse this time to learn a foreign languageon CD, keep a journal, make cell calls toloved ones or business clients.

2. Take a time out. It takes time tothink innovatively. When schedules areso tight that no external thoughts canpenetrate your attention, creativity and

by Hubert Rampersad

ABRAND IS COMPRISED OFthe expectations, image,

identity, perceptions and feel-ings it creates in the minds of others,when they see or hear a name, productor logo. Brands like Microsoft, Nike,Toyota, Volvo, and Coke tell us howthey want us to perceive their products.What they want our perceptions and ex-pectations of their products to be.

Branding is the promise thatthe product or service makes—a promise that must then bedelivered. Volvo, for example,is differentiated by its promiseof safety and security andIBM stands for dependability.

Branding isn’t just forcompanies—personal brandingis essential to your career because ithelps define who you are, what youstand for, and what makes you unique,special, and different. People want todo business with people they know orwith whom they feel some connection.If you are a familiar presence, they’ll bemore receptive to your offers.

Traditional personal branding worksby communicating values, personality,and ability to produce a positive emo-tional response. You shape the percep-tion of your personal brand by definingyour unique strengths, values, and per-sonality; and then sharing it in an excit-ing, persuasive manner continuously.

Give serious effort to discovering your

genius and authentic dream, imaginingand developing yourself as a powerful,consistent, and memorable PersonalBrand, and doing work you love.

Branding guru Tom Peters wrote:“You are a brand, CEO of your own com-pany: Me, Inc. This requires you to growyourself, promote yourself, and get themarket to reward yourself.”

Traditional personal branding focus-es on personal marketing by building aname for yourself and showcasing what setsyou apart. This can become an ego trip.

I focus on sustainable authenticpersonal branding (APB)—on creatinga trusted image of yourself that you pro-ject in all you do, which is about your true

values, beliefs, dream, andgenius, combined with power-ful tools to deliver peak perfor-mance and to create a stablebasis for trustworthiness, credi-bility, and charisma. You haveunique gifts and a distinctpurpose and dream in life.By connecting these, youopen yourself up to greater

success. APB places more emphasis onpersonal development, growth, andempowerment, and includes your rep-utation, character, and personality.

The APB process starts with deter-mining who you are at your core authen-tic self. This is based on your life dream,vision, mission, values, roles, identity,self-knowledge, self-awareness, self-responsibility, positive attributes, andself-management. With an APB, yourstrongest characteristics, attributes, andvalues separate you from the crowd. PE

Hubert Rampersad is president of Personal BrandingUniversity and author of Authentic Personal Branding.Email: [email protected], pbu-edu.org.

ACTION: Build your authentic personal brand.

M E N TA L • CREATIVITY

1 0 w w w . L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e

Authentic BrandDetermine who you are.

Creative ThinkingGet out of your personal rut.

M E N TA L • B R A N D I N G

innovation are impossible. Take timedaily for quiet contemplation. Make it ahabit. Quiet time helps your brain todecompress, enabling you to accessnew thoughts, ideas, and connections.

3. Step small. No one ever loses 100pounds or stays sober for 20 years. Thesecret to moving forward is to lose onepound 100 times, or stay sober one dayfor 20 years. Mother Theresa said, smallthings done with great love can change theworld. Identify one activity you willchange in your daily routine. It can beas simple as sitting outside for lunch,holding a stand-up meeting, or chang-ing your hourly meetings to half anhour. Set the alarm for a half hour earli-er and stimulate your mental health bytaking a brisk morning walk.

4. Break the cycle. A powerful way toun-stick habitual behavior is practicing

P e r s o n a l E x c e l l e n c e w w w . L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m 1 1

3. Connect to community. The maincontributor to depression and anxietyin times like these is isolation. In fear-mode, many of us tend to withdrawand hide-out. Alone time is important,of course, but disconnecting from peo-ple can be harmful. On the other hand,being a socialite can be isolating aswell. We’ve all come across those lone-ly souls who prefer to hide-out in acrowd. The key to avoiding isolation—in a group or on your own—is findingpeople with similar interests and val-ues, a place where you can let yourhair down and feel safe just to be you.

4. Share the wealth. A key principleof America has always been thus: giv-ing is getting. No matter which colorstate you live in—red or blue—it is

cynical and downright anti-Americanto talk about “spreading the wealth”as if it were some anachronistic tenetof Marxist orthodoxy. Do you thinkBill Gates wonders whether he shouldgive $500 million to “spread” hiswealth and wipe out malaria? I doubtit. Maybe you don’t have $500 millionor even $500 to spare these days, butthe quantity you give is not the point.Giving, whether of your time, yourmoney or both, will pay you back inways you might never have imagined.

5. Think long term. Did you evernotice that economic cycles, like theaverage life span of a car, tends to bebetween five and eight years? I’m not anumerologist or astrologer but even anevery day psychologist can see thatmost major change cycles happenabout every seven years. If you lookback on your life and think in terms offive- to eight-year cycles, you’ll likelysee major changes—in relationships,careers, and your development. So,craft a vision for the future; think about

the next Great Decade. Fantasize aboutthe life you desire to lead 10 years fromnow. In your journal, write the thoughtsthat come to mind in answer to thesequestions: Ten years from now, whereare you? Where do you live? What doyou do? Who are you with? Lookingback (from 10 years out), how has yourlife changed? Ten years from now, everycell in your body will have died andbeen replaced. You’ll be brand new—sogive your cells a new dream to live into.What is your dream decade ahead?

6. Live in the now. How do you think“now” and “long term” at the sametime? You can toggle back and forthbetween “then” and “now” quite easily.The key is balance. We are the only ani-mals on the planet that dream dreamsand make them come true! On the otherhand, living entirely in the future is arecipe for disaster. We also need to learnto be awake and alive in the presentmoment. For this practice, I recommenda mental and physical discipline likemeditation or yoga. These practicesinstantly shift your energy from fan-tasies of the future (or of disaster) intothe miraculous feeling of being alive, inyour body, bringing head and heart intoblissful alignment, now.

7. Reconnect with nature. Nature issoothing, healing, and grounding. Weall know the importance of staying con-nected to the great outdoors, of respect-ing, relishing and rejuvenating ourspirits in the exultation of mountain vis-tas, pristine forests and moonlit sanddunes. But do you know why nature issuch a tool for healing? Think about it:What are the most profound remindersof basic truths? Where do we look whenwe forget that everything happens incycles, life is made up of seasons, a fewyears is a blip on the screen of eternity?Trees, mountains, rocks, flowers, andbeaches know what we forget: that allthings ripen and transform in time; thatlife is short, sweet, mysterious, and remark-able. We need fresh air, rambling rivers,soaring birds and blazing blue sky—andin times like these—a daily dose may bejust what the doctor ordered. Nature, inher miraculous bounty, is always avail-able, always free . . . and no side effects.

These are my seven steps to serenity—or sanity. Stay open. Listen for that bitof advice, idea or suggestion that couldcome from anywhere—a simple com-ment, from the right person at the righttime, just might change your life. PE

Jeffrey W. Hull, Ph.D., author of SHIFT: Let Go of Fearand Get Your Life in Gear, is a psychologist, executivecoach, and pioneer in performance and life coaching.Visit www.life-shifting.com and www.JeffreyHull.com.

ACTION: Crash-proof your life.

by Jeffrey Hull

DRIVING ON THE NY STATEThruway, I passed a bill-

board that read, “Change isthe New Black.” How true. EverywhereI look today people are in upheavaland overwhelm. Even as we appear tobe emerging from the great recession,the onslaught of change—devastatingoil spills, political instability, foreclo-sures, unemployment, crazy weather,just doesn’t seem to abate. In the eco-nomic sphere, financial experts areoffering tips for navigating the slowlyreceding waters of the economic tsunami.

But the onslaught of financial advicealso prompts me to pause and reflect:Beyond getting our finances in order,how do we stay centered and groundedin the midst of constant upheaval? Wemay not be able to avoid the next bigeconomic gyration, but can we takeaction to “crash proof” our lives?

Here are seven steps that I recom-mend for weathering the onslaught ofcalamities that have begun to feel “nor-mal” in our topsy-turvy world.

1. Make small things big. Find joy inthe mundane. It is in the minutiae ofeveryday living where meaning isfound. Create quality time to be withfriends and family; hug your pet a bitmore often; think about the friend whomakes you laugh, and seek him/herout. Make a list of fun activities that arefree: walk in the park; roll in a pile ofleaves; read a great novel; re-learn howto play Parcheesi; start an online photoalbum and re-live good memories.

2. Invest in yourself. Now may notbe the best time to check your retire-ment account every few hours, but nowis still a great time to invest. Instead ofspending what little extra cash you mayhave on stocks or bonds, spend thatmoney on You. Learn a new hobby. Takea class in something you’ve alwayswanted to learn—maybe cooking, or anew language, or web design, or pot-tery. Don’t necessarily think about theinvestment as a new career. Buildingresiliency in difficult times comes fromhaving an expanding portfolio of skills.Practicing something new just for funand practice will give you somethingmuch more important than a paycheck:it will bring you joy!

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gling in various ways. Learn not to say,“It can’t get any worse,” for you maysee worse happen. Life can get worse.

Thankfully, it also often gets better.Some people have had serious healthproblems, and recovered. Some haveexperienced job losses and even finan-cial ruin, and still greet the new daywith gratitude that they were not totallydestroyed. Money problems are usuallyfixable; health issues may not be.

It happens so fast that opportunities topositively impact those around you areover. Some grow up and move on, andyour time with them is more episodic. Inthose situations, treasure time together,and avoid trying to change them. Once Itold my daughter, the mother of thoseprecious granddaughters, that she need-ed to keep her car cleaner. Oh, I also toldher what a wonderful mother she is.

Which of those two comments do youthink she could still be remembering?

Embrace each day with gratitude forwhat is good, dealing with the problemsin the best ways that you can. Embracethose you love; you never know whenthere won’t be another opportunity forcloseness. And do not say those thingsyou sometimes want to say to changesomeone else; instead, work on chang-ing yourself for the better. Build peopleup, don’t put them down. Avoid hostilehumor. Be a positive influence on others,and you may see less crime and morejustice and peace. Live like you know,“It happens so fast.” PE

Patti Fralix inspires positive change by speaking, con-sulting, and coaching. She is president of The FralixGroup. Email [email protected].

ACTION: Use money to promote wellness.

by Patti Fralix

WHEN I ASKED MY BROTH-er-in-law, Bobby, about

his recent motorcycle acci-dent, he said that one minute he wasriding along, and the next minute he wason the ground. “It happened so fast,” hesaid. He has three broken ribs, pleuraleffusion and road rash, but he’ll recover.

How fast life can change! In her book,The Year of Magical Thinking, JoanDidion writes: “Life changes fast. Lifechanges in the instant. You sit down todinner, and life as you know it ends.”

Regardless of current circumstances,your life can change immediately in pro-found ways. “It happened so fast” alsodescribes my emotions as I celebratedmy five-year-old granddaughter’s recentpreschool graduation. How could thisbe? It is so soon after we were waiting inan Atlanta hospital for her to be born.How could her three-year-old sister bebig enough to climb on a stool, get thecereal out of the pantry and the milk outof the refrigerator, fill up two bowls withcereal and milk, not spilling a drop ofeither, and tell her big sister that she hadfixed breakfast for them? It happened sofast. It wasn’t long ago that my daugh-ter, the mother of those grandchildren,was starting school. How could she nowhave two children? It happened so fast.

Whatever is going on in your life atthe present, know that these circum-stances will change, some for the better,and likely, some for the worse. The sameday that several of us were enjoying aChristmas and birthday lunch, the hus-band of one in our group was having adiagnostic test that subsequently foundpancreatic cancer. Four months later,Hospice is helping with his transition.Just yesterday this friend said, “When ithappened, we were at the top of ourgame, financially, business wise, and inall ways.” Then their world changedwhen the unthinkable happened so fast.

None of these examples relate tochanges that you can avoid when theyoccur. Children grow up, and while youmay be anxious for that to happen, whenit does, you think, “It happened so fast.”We are mortal beings, and illness anddeath are no respecters of age, or good-ness—as evidenced in the obituaries.

Embrace the present, even with all ofits problems, even though you’re strug-

by John Grubbs

CAN MEDIOCRITY DULL THEhunger pains for excel-

lence? Can accepting thestatus quo doom you to mediocrity?Staying hungry for that which providesthe most benefit is challenging andoften illusive. Many factors contributeto losing the drive for excellence.

Marginal success can beyour worst enemy, as it candull the pains that drive youtoward excellence. Unhealthyfood can kill the same hungerthat the proper food can pro-vide. This was evident justprior to the recession. Therobust economy created suchabundance that you did nothave to be excellent to succeed. If youenjoyed marginal success, you may havelost the drive for excellence. Hard workand determination to improve areabsolutes for long-term success.

A lack of personal development is alsoa key reason for mediocrity. Failing tohave a robust learning and develop-ment program makes you comfortable;and without challenge, you fail to growand improve. Learning, training anddeveloping is mandatory for success.Doing more with less requires you tohave the talent and flexibility to removethe barriers of “not my job.”

As the economy recovers, the bestand brightest talent will be rewarded

with raises and promotions. Spendsome money and time on you own per-sonal and professional developmentand seek to constantly improve yourperformance. Never feel entitled to yourjob and become complacent.

Consider the big fish in the little pond.The big fish can have whatever it wants.There is no challenge to its place in thepond. Daily, it feeds on the little fishand gets slow and fat. Days and nightsof comfort and a lack of any threatmakes the fish seem successful. Thesmaller fish may even envy the big fish.One day the rains start, and soon theland is flooded. Suddenly the big fish ispart of a large lake, surrounded by

larger and physically superi-or fish. Soon after the floodand change of status, the bigfish is consumed.

Many people are like thebig fish. A perceived lack ofthreat creates apathy or com-fort. So, be performance-ori-ented and challenged forexcellence. A safe environment

can cause mediocre performance.What drives the hunger for excel-

lence in life? How does this hungerfade as marginal success enters yourlife? Create a culture that pushes you toyour perceived capability and then abit further in order to grow.

You can improve continually withincremental magic. Just as coaches andteachers may have pushed you in thepast, they can do the same now. Seek apersonal coach who pushes you towardexcellence—stay hungry! PE

John Grubbs, MBA, CSTM, RPIH, is the principalconsultant and owner of GCI, a high impact trainingand consulting firm. Visit www.gci4training.com.

ACTION: Be hungry for excellence in finance.

F I N A N C I A L • W E L L N E S S


Hunger PainsBe hungry for excellence.

Your LifeIt happens so fast!

F I N A N C I A L • H U N G E R


why do it? I got my answers fromGiraffes—people who stick their necks outto make a difference in their world.

It took a shipwreck to turn me intoa giraffe. I was lecturing on a cruiseship, which caught fire and sank in thefreezing waters of the Gulf of Alaska.During a typhoon-lashed night at seain a frigid life-boat, God gave me a clearchoice: I could keep running away fromthe life of purpose—in which case, Godsaid, I might as well die out there. Or Icould move forward into a life of serviceand healing. Near death, I made the choiceto serve, and in instant I was rescued.

In 1983 I joined the Giraffe HeroesProject, founded by my wife, Ann Med-lock. She convinced me that in an apa-thetic society, telling people the storiesof real heroes (Giraffes) inspires them tostick their own necks out.

Most Giraffes stick their necks outbecause they are sparked into action bya crisis or problem. But what sustainsthem is a strong sense that what they’redoing is meaningful to them and in syncwith their deepest priorities and values.

We identify people who bravelytake on tough problems and bringabout change. We spread their storiesto encourage others to take on a taskthat means a great deal to them. Suchcommitment generates passion and power.

Have your actions be part of a pur-pose that satisfies you deep inside andmakes you feel alive. There’s no deeperyearning than to live a meaningful life—toknow that who you are and what you’redoing matter. The more meaningfulyour actions, the more alive you feel.You face trials, but you feel an energy,excitement, and deep satisfaction ofbeing in the right place at the right time.

People who lead meaningful livesdon’t find meaning in possessions orpositions—they find it in carrying outpersonal commitments to ideals bigger

than themselves and their own needs.The path to a meaningful life is out

there for you, but you have to find it.You have unique opportunities to make adifference, if only in small and quiet ways.Spot and act on them. Don’t ignore thequest, settle for an ordinary life, and justlook out for Number One—to live anddie without making a difference.

Ask yourself: Is what I’m doing withmy life, including any current volunteerwork, meaningful to me, or am I justgoing through the motions? What idealsam I committed to—or might I committo—to provide that meaning? What canI do to put those ideals into action?

There is an issue out there with yourname on it—something you care about,someplace where you can serve and makea difference. Pay attention to it. Insteadof thinking why don’t they do somethingabout it?, think, “It’s up to me.” Being aGiraffe doesn’t require superhero abili-ties—just enthusiasm and persistence.

Here are eight Giraffe tips:Decide what you care about. You

can’t save the whole world. You can onlyrescue a piece of it. Look locally. Identifyone problem that you’d like to solve.

Research the situation. Has anyoneelse tackled this problem? With whatresults? Do you want to join forces witha group, or seek a different approach?

Identify the stakeholders—peoplewhose support or opposition wouldmake a difference. Don’t write off oppo-nents. Think of ways to involve them.

Recognize the obstacles. See what isstanding in the way of a solution. Dis-cover creative ways around the hurdles.

Create a vision. Imagine the solution—if that empty lot became a garden, orfood that is now thrown out by restau-rants went instead to hungry families.

Devise an action plan based on avail-able resources. Many successful grass-roots movements start with small actions.

Assess the risks. You may not facephysical danger, but you’ll face risks—and criticism. Learn where others wentwrong and what works. Practice activecompassion to defuse negative emotionsand conflict. Listen without judging.Acknowledge others for their strengths.

Spread the word. A good cause deservespublicity. Ask for help. People are gener-ous. Ask for referrals. Use the media toget attention. Seek funding. Often fundsmaterialize from unexpected sources.

What do you plan to do with yourone precious life? Stick your neck out.Make a difference. PE

John Graham is executive director of The Giraffe Projectand author of It’s Up to Us and Stick Your Neck Out(Berrett-Koehler). Visit www.giraffe.org.

ACTION: Bring hope and healing in your service.

by John Graham

THE MOST POWERFUL MEAN-ing comes from service and

working for the common good.When I was a young man, the only

thing that held meaning for me was ad-venturing. I shipped out on freighterswhile in high school. I was part of ateam that made the first ascent of thenorth wall of Mt. McKinley in Alaska. Ihitchhiked around the world. As a cor-respondent for the Boston Globe, Iwaded into every war I could find, fromAlgeria to Laos. The only thing thatmattered was the next adrenaline rush.

I then joined the U.S. Foreign Service.In my 15 years as a diplomat, I movedup fast, working not in embassies but injungles and deserts. I saw oppression,hunger, and war—but what held mean-ing for me was not an urge to relievethe suffering but the attraction of dan-ger and my own surging career.

By age 35, however, the motivationsfor what I was doing began to sour.Nothing seemed meaningful to me anymore.

In 1978, I joined the U.S. Mission tothe United Nations, overseeing the armsembargo on South Africa (military equip-ment sold to SA was used to enforceapartheid). The embargo leaked like asieve; there was big money in the armstrade, and arms dealers had friends inhigh places. So, I ignored instructions tooverlook the leaks. A tougher embargowas enforced, which helped endapartheid. That meant more to me than myself-centered adventures and promotions.

I took the skills I’d used to play polit-ical power games and focused them onpeace and justice issues—to end injus-tice and suffering. This was satisfying tome in a way no adventure or promotionhad been. It taught me to stick my neck out.

From my own hesitations, I knowhow hard it can be to take personalrisks to help solve public problems. Sowhy should you help your communitydeal with racism or failing schools? Whypress for cleaner air or water, or join aneighborhood association? Why sendletters to a congressperson or mayor?

It’s hard, often thankless work. It’seasier to stay on the sidelines, wantingand expecting someone else to solve aproblem—complaining that things arenot the way you want them to be. So,

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5. Nurture your support system. Lookfor what you can do to help your familyand friends achieve their dreams. Youreceive by giving; if you give supportwithout expecting anything in return,you’ll receive all the support you need.

6. Be a great listener. Listening with-out judgment, with an open heart, heals.

7. Show gratitude. To have a solidsupport system, never take anyone forgranted and always express your gratitude.

Start building your support network,and you’ll live an exceptional life. PE

James Mapes is a speaker, personal excellence coach, andauthor of Quantum Leap Thinking: An Owner’s Guide tothe Mind. Email [email protected] or visitwww.jamesmapes.com.

ACTION: Follow these steps in gaining support.

self, why would anyone want to join you?2. Define your needs, limits, and

boundaries. Your clarity will help youget your priorities in order and makeclear to others the support they can give.

3. Appreciate the strengths and limi-tations of the people close to you andaccept them for who they are. Not every-one can support you in the same way.Each person in your network is uniqueand has distinctive talents and interestsand gives you a different kind of support.

4. Ask for help when you really needit and be specific about what you want.Don’t hesitate to ask for support, sincepeople really do want to help. And, ifthey help once, they’ll often help again,as they become invested in your success.

by Janet Pfeiffer

YOU MAKE ME MAD! IS Acommon phrase, but it’s

actually a big misconceptionto think that other people or situationshave the power to make you angry. Noindividual or event has the power to makeyou mad. Anger is a choice—one thatoccurs depending on your perception.What you choose to think about anexperience you are having or the per-son you are involved withdetermines how you feel.

For instance, if someonecriticizes you, you can think“She’s so mean!” Or, you canchoose, “How sad that some-one could be so insensitive.”The former evokes anger; thelatter, compassion. The truthbehind her actions matters lit-tle. You only need to concern yourselfwith how you choose to perceive herand allow her behavior to affect you.

Anger is not inherently negative. It isa useful emotion that can be used as amotivating force to bring about positivechange. If you witness an injustice, youranger can serve as a propellant to createnew laws. Your anger becomes a negativeforce when it is used in a destructive man-ner, either to hurt yourself, another orto damage property. Unresolved angerleads to resentment and bitterness andcan damage your relationships, health,career, and enjoyment of life.

Anger is a feeling of distress broughtabout by feelings of helplessness orpowerlessness. You create your feelingsof being victimized when you feel that

others are controlling you.Power and control come from with-

in. You are responsible for choosingyour thoughts. No one else controlsthat. From there, everything else flows:thoughts generate emotion, and youact out what you feel. Everything inthis equation is about personal responsi-bility. A victim is one without power.Regaining your personal power elimi-nates feelings of helplessness andanger. Others no longer have the abilityto push your buttons and make you mad.

Take three tips on reducing anger:1. Put everything into perspective.

Ask if the situation is worth gettingupset about. If not, let it go. If it isimportant, identify what needs to

change and create a plan.Switch your focus from theproblem (negative) to thesolution (positive).

2. When you feel anger wellup inside you, stop, walk andtalk. Stop what you’re doing.This prevents the situationfrom escalating. Next, walkaway. Creating distance

allows you to calm down and cool off.Talk yourself calm. Discuss your feel-ings or situation with a neutral party,seeking deeper understanding andguidance. If no one is available, talk toyourself. Repeat calming statements:“I’m fine. I’m calm. I can handle this isan intelligent way.”

3. Create a peace plan. Engage indaily activities that naturally replacestress and anger with feelings of peaceand serenity: aerobic exercise, prayer,meditation, deep breathing, smiling,music, nature, and pets. When you haveinner peace, you have it all. PE

Janet Pfeiffer, CEO of Pfeiffer Power Seminars, is aspeaker, and author or The Secret Side of Anger. Visitwww.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.

ACTION: Reduce anger; be a peacemaker.

Anger Is a ChoiceCreate a peace plan instead.

by James Mapes

Support IS A TRICKY WORD. Ilike the implication of

this definition: “To hold inposition so as to keep from falling,sinking or slipping or to strengthen.”

In organizations such as AlcoholicsAnonymous or Al-Anon, being part ofa support system is the key to recoveryas well as achieving and keeping physi-cal, mental and spiritual health.

Having a support system, group, team,or circle is key to living an exceptionallife. As you move through life’s peaksand valleys, a solid support system canbless you with family and friends whocelebrate your wins, comfort you at lowpoints, cheerlead you, and lend a handwhen needed. Friends are like bras: closeto your heart, and there for support.

Cultivating and nurturing a supportteam is the most important project youundertake. Here are three examples:• In 1984, I was going through a career

minefield. I knew that I needed to rein-vent myself, but I did not know how todo it. Bringing together a group of myclosest friends, for two days we examin-ed my life, taking it apart and putting itback together again. Out of this experi-ence came the creation of Quantum LeapThinking and a dream career of speak-ing and coaching. I simply could notand did not want to do it alone.• In 2002, more friends helped make

my one-man show on Broadway a hugesuccess. I could not have done it alone.• In 2009, I had open-heart surgery to

replace my aortic valve. Both friendsand family called and asked what theycould do to help. My wife arranged fortwo people to visit me at home once aday, everyday, for an hour. I was show-ered with food, gifts, and love. This gen-erous show of support elevated mymood and contributed to my healing.

People who maintain strong connec-tions with family and friends have fewermental and physical health disorders.

Having a strong support system doesnot magically materialize. It takes clarity,focus, energy, and willingness to helpothers without expecting a payback. Tocultivate a network of healthy support,take these seven steps:

1. Commit to treat yourself withkindness and compassion. Be your owncheerleader. If you can’t do it for your-

S E R V I C E • S U P P O R T

Support NetworkStart building your own.

S E R V I C E • P E A C E M A K I N G


WHEN YOU ENGAGE IN SELF-CRITICISM ORself-blame—when you’re preoccupied

with your faults and mistakes—you putyourself at risk for depression, anxiety, emo-tional eating (and disorders) and weight gain.

I used to have a poor self-image and greatanxiety. So, I engaged in unhealthy patternsaround food and eating. I soon went frombeing an attractive TV soap opera star tobeing obese. But when I learned to forgivemyself, be self-compassionate, and stop judg-ing the way I looked, I released more than 70pounds. You can do it too. It’s not about giv-ing something up, dieting, loss, or depriva-tion. It’s about changing the way you think.Here are five behaviors that make you fat.

Denying your emotional needs. You’retaught to buck up, stop complaining, bestrong, keep our chin up. When you judgeyourself for being “needy,” you end up try-ing to fulfill your real needs (e.g., for safety,love, comfort, and so on) with food.

Having a negative self-perception. Whenyou focus on your deficiencies (I’m not goodenough), you start to feel defeated. Holdingon to negative feelings about who you arecan dominate your thoughts and erode yourconfidence. Changing your self-care, eating,and exercise habits begins to feel hopeless.

Viewing yourself as a victim. What youfocus on expands, so focusing on what youdon’t want makes it inevitable that you willget more of it. When we feel sorry for our-selves (for being alone or unwanted, forexample) it perpetuates a feeling of shame,humiliation, and self-judgment. In this frameof mind, it’s too easy to engage in unhealthyhabits that perpetuate the self-loathing.

Resisting change. Sometimes, even if wefeel miserable and unhealthy, we don’t wantto take steps to feel better. Being unwilling toexplore new ways to live, such as eating dif-ferent foods or getting out of an inactivityrut, eventually turns into a feeling that thosethings are for other people, not for us.

Reacting from the past. Past experiencescreate emotions that get locked up inside us.When this happens, we end up reacting topresent-day situations—such as workplaceor relationship stressors—defensively. (Here Iam again, getting rejected or put down.) Theresult? We seek comfort in food, because thatseemed to help in the past. PE

Freeman Michaels (Drake Belson on The Young and the Restless)is now a weight-release coach, seminar leader, and author ofWeight Release: ALiberating Journey. www.servicetoself.com

ACTION: Avoid these self-defeating behaviors.

To become a long-termwinner, you need to knowhow to hit a curveball—how to confront and reg-

ularly overcome the unexpected.When things don’t turn out as youplan, when you’re thrown a curve-ball, you tend to freak out. Resilienceis the capacity to withstand stres-sors and not manifest some form ofdysfunction, whether it’s depres-sion or a flash of anger. Resilienceis largely a learned trait. The moreyou face unexpected or stressfulsituations and overcome them, themore confidence you gain and themore resilient you become. Con-fronting and overcoming little hur-dles prepares you for big obstacles,major curveballs. The best curve-ball hitters repeatedly confront andovercome the unexpected.

Hitting a curveball starts withstepping up to the plate. While it’snatural to feel ashamed or embar-rassed by being caught flat-footedand to want to conceal what’s hap-pening from those closest to you,procrastination and avoidanceonly extend pain and problems.Revealing you’ve been blind-sidedremoves the burden of shame andenables those close to you to pro-vide support, advice, and comfort.

Next, you need to overcomenatural pessimism—to set asidethe fears that accompany curve-balls. Don’t let your imaginationget the best of you. Find ways tofight off the worst case scenariosyou so often paint and deal withthe situation realistically. You needto be the batter, not the ball.

You can’t do everything. Somethings are beyond your power toeffect. Let go of the things beyondyour control and focus on whatyou can do. You need to keep youreye on the ball and concentrate onthat which you can control.

Reach out for help. You can’twin a game by yourself, so don’teven try. Instead, pack your lineupand bench with savvy profession-als who can help you overcomethe unexpected, and listen to yourcoach. By filling out your team’slineup with other curveball hitters,you foster innovative thinking.

Take a moment and step out of

the batter’s box to look at the situ-ation from a fresh perspective. Indeveloping a plan to deal withunexpected events, embrace nonlinear thinking. Curveballs, bynature, are rarely solvable throughconventional thinking.

No matter how eager you are toget over a curveball, you need tobe patient and wait for a pitch youcan hit. Persistence beats resistance.Give yourself and your plan thetime needed to be successful.

Curveballs, like all crises, offeropportunities. You must shift fromthe defensive to the offensive to takeadvantage of the curveball and hitit out of the park.—Scott R. Singer, www.hitacurveball.com

Great ideas are oftenright in front of youreyes, awaiting your dis-covery. A rich place to

discover innovation is at the inter-sections of differences. Think dif-ferences in its broadest sense—inperspectives, people, disciplines, busi-nesses, organizations. Here are afew lessons we’ve learned aboutworking with differences:

Wacky and weird are oftenpromising! The best ideas are usu-ally the most wacky or even weirdon first examination.

Listen to the outsider. By listen-ing to outsiders and hearing howthey see the innovation, you canoften expand the usefulness of anidea. Examine their patterns ofinnovation.

Diversity expands the optionsfor innovation. Without diversity,there can be no “verges of differ-ence.” Celebrate differences;enlarge the mix; it creates options.

Complexities stifle innovation.Working with differences calls forflexible, fluid partnership arrange-ments, so innovations don’t getbogged down in complexities thatstifle creativity.

Everyone matters is a mind-set.Innovation-generating partner-ships require a mindset. A reliableyardstick: Everyone will benefit;no one will be harmed.

Learn how to get buy-in forinnovative ideas or new programs.—Joel Barker and Debbe Kennedy

GOALGETTERSCharacter

Service

Physical

Mental

Career

FinancialSocial

PersonalCOACH


Self-defeating BehaviorsT h e s e f i v e m a k e y o u f a t .by Freeman Michaels

imagine that you don’t need to work onyourself? You are not here to fix what isbroken about you. Can you visualizeyour life as an adventure of creativity,joy, and self-expression instead of striv-ing to get somewhere or get it right?”

A smile grew on her face. “Wow!” sheexclaimed. “I was taught that life is astruggle and I must get myself together.I just had a taste of freedom!”

The moment you start to work onyourself, you adopt the identity of theyou that needs to be worked on. Youdon’t get to wholeness by denying yourwholeness but by accepting it.

Claiming wholeness does not meanthat you sit and do nothing. You can beimmersed in meaningful activity, seek-ing to make life more rewarding. Theissue is not what you are doing but why

and how you are doing it. If you believeyou are empty and need to be filled in,you set yourself up to lose. If you regardyourself as basically sound and you’dlike to expand your experience of good,you set yourself up to win. You are not ablack hole that needs to be filled—youare a light that needs to be shined.

The more you know, the less you need.When you know everything, you neednothing. The only real knowledge is whoyou really are—a spiritual being createdin the image and likeness of a lovingGod. If you know that, everything youdo will honor the wisdom and beautyyou already own. PE

Alan Cohen is a Life Coach and author of The DragonDoesn’t Live Here Anymore. Visit www.alancohen.com,[email protected], or 1-800-568-3079.

ACTION: Recognize your true identity.

by Alan Cohen

AT A SEMINAR, DONNAreported that she’d just

seen a healer who told herabout several physical issues she neededto address. This report led to a discus-sion among participants, including lotsof advice for Donna about how toregain her health and lose weight.

As I listened, I was uncomfortable.Everyone meant well, but the themewas, “There’s a lot wrong with you, andwe are going to tell you how to fix it.”

When Donna stepped away, I invitedher aside, took her hands, looked her inthe eyes, and told her, “I love you justthe way you are. I know there are thingsyou are working on, but now I find youperfect, and I appreciate all you are andall you do for me and others.”

Tears welled up in Donna’s eyes andshe let her head fall onto my shoulder. Iheld her as she let loose the pain of feel-ing that there were so many thingswrong with her, and she could not bewhole or happy until she fixed them.After a minute or two she felt better.

I was not suggesting to Donna thatshe overlook any conditions that werecausing her pain, or that she should notmake an effort to improve her healthand feel better. I was simply affirmingDonna’s beauty, wholeness, and worth—even as she walked her healing journey.

You and I live two lives simultane-ously. At one level, we have needs,deficits, and issues to be handled, andwe strive to improve and set disordersor imbalances right. At the same time,we live in a deeper world in which weare whole, complete, well, and perfectas God created us. On a spiritual levelthere is nothing wrong with us, therenever has been, and there never will be.

Only in a world of illusion do weidentify ourselves as separate, wounded,broken, pained, and striving. In truth,the game of life is not about gettingsomewhere—it is about discovering thatwe already are somewhere.

Perfection is not condition to beattained—it is a reality to be accepted.The sage Swami Satchidananda noted,“We started out fine. Then we got de-fined. Now we are getting re-fined.”

One of my clients reported, “I feel sooverwhelmed with all the work I needto do on myself.” I said, “Can you ever

by Joan Marques

WE’RE ALL SEARCHING FORsomething. Some are

looking for tangible assets,such as material wealth. Others are pur-suing more delicate matters, like mean-ingful work, happiness, satisfaction, orpeace of mind. And it seems as if findingwhat we search for has become harder.

We live in a time when media playan important role in our lives, and prac-tically dictate what we should do, howand where we should live, who weshould befriend, and what ourappearance should be. Themedia serve an excellent pur-pose, but, there’s a dark side!Needs are created when weview television, listen to theradio, surf the Net, or readnewspapers and magazines.We see and hear—thus we need.

Today, we search more be-cause we need more. Life has becomemore complicated, even for those of uswho don’t look for those new shoes,luscious meal, or fabulous earrings thatwere advertised. Happiness, satisfaction,and peace of mind—the more “ethereal”things we pursue—are much tied to thefulfillment of our other needs. You may,for instance, consider yourself happy ifyou can take your partner to that greatrestaurant that you heard about on theradio, with those trendy boots that yousaw in the newspaper, or that new caradvertised on television last night.

I invite you to step back and seriously

think about your eternal searches. Youwill realize that you find the most impor-tant things you wish when you stopsearching. The more anxiously you lookfor something, the harder it seems toachieve, perhaps because you becomeimpatient and decide to settle for less ifwhat you want does not happen soonenough! Soon you become dissatisfied,realize your mistake, feel trapped inyour choice, and start searching again.

Yet, once you finally decide to stopsearching, you distance yourself fromyour desire, and you achieve peace ofmind. If you detach yourself from thedesires that incite you, there’s little thatcan disrupt your inner balance. Whenyou stop searching, you don’t feel pres-sure to find what you initially desired.

Once the pressure is gone, a sense ofrelief and inner peace sets in,and you are ready to accepteverything at the right time.Taking a mental step backmakes you realize the superfi-ciality of most of your desires,and provokes you to rethinkthem. This is when the rightthings start happening to you,and your wishes get fulfilled.

It’s all about abolishing pressure andattaining a calm, balanced state of mind.

You then become more discriminatingin the choices you make. You no longersettle for the first option that crossesyour path. You have the patience anddetachment to sense when the rightopportunity, person, or job comesalong. You know when the time isright, make deliberate choices, andenjoy lasting contentment. PE

Joan Marques is author of The Awakened Leader andJoy of Work, Work of Joy. Visit www. joanmarques.com;email: [email protected].

ACTION: Enjoy peace of mind.

I N S P I R AT I O N A L • I D E N T I T Y


Peace of MindTo find it, stop searching.

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