Audre Lorde Eye to Eye

7/22/2019 Audre Lorde Eye to Eye

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146 Smu. ClvnlD 'And If brhind tn., objKc ci my .ttack ohould lie face' cimy OW n ..,If, unaa:optN, tMn ...h.t CO\lId poaoibly q u ~ n c fi. by SIKh n:ciproc.ri", paooional

'It'hen I &I.nN to ""';te .bout tM IntensIty ci tMtwftn Black oI


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lsa SlI'tuOvnlDl'10 be na l of foot. how 10 ",hIOlI., how '0 kM:nd nc... nor 10run. Unleoo , he h., til. It I, ,, Il'lOlIjh.BlICk womI'n gjYl' our chlld...n forth Into' -Iredlha l_redou. .....n you d.a .... wilh ~ l d e r ....... , hopr", WI" haYl' 11..,1\1lhem , , hi I can uw to fahlon l>dr own lWW.nd Ie.COlli, ""Ihw to IlIrvj".I. 1(.....,.;. . . 1did l'iOI oilll....r .........II blnh 'n . 0111rI", IIny .....,.... 1'wIn ..,th my own deopain ,_h he ....y... . . . , _ _ dldln lhe olI...nipld ed IOcarpo_. n lherdo w., 1commitled 10 .hll ....,. n ' . '.TIwp.icI of ;"""""''''r - - ill . , . . . . _ _ I tI, h.. . . . 10 m, 11.1 IIlk .boul the be , world ohede


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160 &nw. Ovnwuborn by Inc. ..ho lnfended il 10 be . n Injection d de.fh. BurI we o pled,ln ,wd TO l i ke II in and ... It,ullICrun nUcQ. Y.,\ 11 _ - 1111 In ordn 10 _hM.nd , ther, _ h..t robue:.w.-one, and now _ brulle .........,1"", upon dWOIher whoIoea.:-.:.

How do 1alter-....10 Neh Black n ',f.:e 1. . -10 northe f.ced m. modwrOf my killer lI ......, "" '_, .1 - -1 __ , . ._, IoIlk..:IIO ,.... far ' - 1ft 1ft)'

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162 SISTU.Ovn'D "saying, "Why d.,... it matter if I am ~ m a l e or male" EX.AMPLE: I don'. know who you are in .u poervillon with,bu. I can bet it'. not with another Black woman.So this .erTi.ory betw....n u. f....l. ....w and frightening a.well . . urt "nt , rigged wi,h detonatit\i e o o f our own individual .acial hi.tori... which nei. let of US ch05e bu'which each of u. bean the Karl from. And th05eare paticula. to each of us. Bu, then: is a hisrory which .harebecause we are Black w o ~ n in rad$t sexi., cauldron,and that mean , oome part of ,h i. journey i. you,", aloo.I have many troubled a.ea. of .elf rha' will be neithernew nor problematic to you a. a trained and capablepsych""rson. 1 think you are a brave woman and I r""peathat, yet I doubt th at your training can have prepared youto explore the tangle of need, ~ a r di.tru.t, despair, andhope which operat"" between U', a"d certainly not to thedepth roeI$ary. &cau.e neither of u, is male nor while,belong to a group of human beIngs that ha' no beentnought wort hy of that kind of ud y. So we have onlywho we are , with or withou' the couragf' ro use Ihootselv,,"for further explontion and c1arifkation of how whatli""betwttn us a. Black women affectsu. and the work wedo togerher.Yet if we do no t do it here betw....n u., each one ci \will have ro do ir oomewhe.e dse, l I O f f i e t i ~I know rhese rhings: I do not yer know whar to do aboutthem. But I do wam to make Ihem fit toge,her to Il< l ve mylife and my work, and I don', mean merely in . way th atfeels safe. I don e know how they can further and illuminaee your life .nd work, but I know they can. It i.lIOffietim"" both .he cu rse and the bl""'i"ll of Ihe poet 10perceive wilhou ' yet being .ble 10order those perceptiorn,and tbae is another name for Cha"".But ci COUrse i' i, our of Chaoo that new world. a.ebow-I look forward to our eye to eye.

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En TO E.... 163III

Th ere h... been 00 much ooth and lou around me recently,wirhou' metaphor or redeeming .ymbol, that oometi...... I feelna pped into one idiom only - lhal one of oulfering . nd il.codidl, to bear. The same problem exi'15with . n fle1. 1have pro-cased too much of il recent ly,or else the machine ry is .lowi"lldown or becoming leos efficiem, and it creepo into my mootnucial interch.angeo.Perh. po thi. is why il is often e"'ier for Black women to inte.aa wilh while women, even though those imeraetiorn areoften a dead end emotionally. For with whit e women there is amidd le dept h ci interaction possible and ,uKainable, n emotional Iimil to relatio ,hipoof ..,If upon ..,If acknowledged.Now why is th is nor 00with Franc"", who i. whi'e, end whomI meet at a depth beyond anyoll< l When I.""ak of Fra '"" andme Iam ,alking .bout. rel.tion.hip not only of greal depth bu.one of greal breadth aloo, a totaling ofditferen = without me'll'ing. I am aloo "",aking of love .haped by ou r mUlUal commitmem to hard wo. k and oonfrontation over many ".,a. ., each ofu. refuoing 10 Il< l tle for whal wu easy, or . imple, or lKXepta.blyoonvenielll.That middle depth of rd ation .h ip more u. ually pouib1e berweoen Black and whire women, however, is I"", th rea'eningth an the tangle of unexplored needs and futi"" th a' face .ny twoBlack women who _ k 10 enPi


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166 s.ru 0uTIuJp ,vWh.c _ illllh 10 IOU&hI Lnn.ed auekylNo. lher, It bound 10 be YOKe ..ri ....dMI &.k WOITM'n.... .l"'.ra helped one . noIhcr, ...."'n't _ I And 1....1 It 1M

pIIr.dox et ou r inner conniel. W, h. ", Arone .n d .nd,n 'tr.dilion d bondl.....nd muru.1...ppon, .nd dw n. ,,-u .dthraJo etIhM Ir.di'lon ft lo< ...llhin each 01 .... in OJ P'*non 10d.ur-.r .nd MVJo "nluodo"eJ by

'I'Iwoo "" ....u__ qNJUI ' ....w.. " Jro-o 1 /1.... .uec. pw ..-.cI Ndc ....dro ..., /1- He... .... wwda.. , . ha p proyo .;eJ .M _ prO'found .nd poIFMnI ai within ...., for _ hi", J",.n.eJ ' 0 (..,l .nd could IlOl _ il h.d h. ppened for....,. Ther, . ., _ Black """""n for ,hom ilh. . . ForOl M"ol

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72 S ISTER OUTSIDERpa in withou t recogniz ing it, self-consciously, I rob myself of thepowe r th at can come from I t ~ i that pain , the powe r Q fuelome rnovernenr beyond it. I condemn myself to reliving tha t

pa in over and o ver and over whe never something close triggersit. And rha: issuffering, a seemingly inescapable cycle.

A nd true, experiencing old pai n some times feels like hurlingmyself full force against a concrete wall. But I remind myselftha t I HAVE LIVED T HROUGH IT ALL ALREAD Y , ANSURVIVED.

So metimes the anger that lies be tween Black women is not examined because we spe nd so much of our substance having toexamine others cons tan tly in the name of self-protection andsurvival, and we canno t reserve enough energy to scr utinizeou rselves. Sometim es we don t do it because the anger's beenthere so long we do n't know what it is, or we th ink it's na tura lto suffer rather than to experience pa in. Sometimes, becau se were afraid of wha t we will find. Sometimes, because we don'th ink we deserve it.The revulsion on the woman's face in the subway as she

moves her coat away and I th ink she is seeing a roa ch. But I seethe hatred in her eyes because she wants me to see t he hatred inher eyes, because she wants me Q kn ow in only the way a childcan know that I do n't belong alive in he r world. If I'd bee n

rown, I'd probably have laughed or snarled or been hu rt, seenit for wha t it was. Bur I am five years old. I s ee it, I record it, I d onot name it, so the experience is incomp lete. It is not pain ; itbecomes suffering.

An d how can I tell you I do n' t like the way you cut you r eyesat me if I know that I am going to release all t he un namedangers within you spawned by the hatred you have suffered andneve r feld

So we are draw n to each o ther b ut wary I demand ing th e instant perfection we wou ld neve r exp ect from our ene mies. But itis possible to break through th is inheri ted agony , t o refuse ac

uiescence in th is bitter charade of isolat ion and anger andpain.I read th is question many times in the letters of Black women ,

Why do I feel myself to be such an ana thema , so isolated?" I

EYE TO E YE 173hear it spoken over and over a ai ' 's. Butwe can change that scenario We can learn to mo the r ourselves.

Wh nt does that mea n for ac women testab lish au thority ove r our own defi nition, pro vide an atrentive concern an d expecta tion of growth which is th e beginningof that acceptance we came to expect only from ou r mothers. It _.mea ns that I affinn my o wn wor th b y committing myself to my tf ..e;(own survival, in my own self and in th e self of other Blackwomen . On the other hand, it means that as I learn my wor thand genuine possibility, I refuse to settle for anything less than arigorous pursui t of th e possible in myself, at th e same (, a distinction be tween what is possible and what th e o urside lwon i s mc to do in order to prove I am human . It me ansbeing ab le to recognize my success es, 0 e ten er withmyself, even whe n 1fail.

We will begin to see each other as we da re to begin to seeourselves; we will begin to Seeourselves as we begin to see eac hother, withou t aggrandize men t or dismissal or recrimin ations,bu t with patience and u nders tanding for when we do not quitemake it, and recognit ion and appreciation for when we do.IMo theri ng ourse lves means learning to love wha t we ha ve givenb irth to by giving definition to, lea rning how to be bot h kind

nd de manding in th e teeth of failure as well as in the face 0success, and no t misnaming either.hen ) Oll come to respect the character of the time )' OlL will no

o rJ- have co cover emptyness with pretense .' \ {e mus t recognize and nurture the creative parts of each

~ ot her wit hout always understanding what will be created. If As we fear ea'ch ot her less and value eacn o ther more, we willcome to value recognition within each other's eyes as well~ OY I own, and ,,,,,k a balan . between ,he.. visions.l

1)-/0 laiming some power over who we choose to be,knowing th at suc h power is relative within the realities of~ our lives. Yet knowing t hat on ly the use of th at powercan we e ffectively change those rcalitiesrMotherin g mean s thelaying to rest of wha t is weak, timid, ana damaged - without

FromTheI,... 'v ~ t X ~ ~


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Audre Lorde Eye to Eye

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