1.ATTACHMENT: Myths,Truths, Theories, & How ToCreate ItPresented by: Brenda McCreight Ph.D., R.S.W.

2. Introduction What is attachment? How abuse, neglect, and pre-natalexposure to toxins impact attachment How changing caregivers impactsattachment The brain and attachment How parents can develop positiveattachment relationships with theirchildren Maintaining attachment duringadolescence 3. Attachment Theory Formulated primarily by JohnBowlby and Mary Ainsworth toaccount for the impact of earlyseparation and trauma on thechild Is currently the mostprominent theory regardingearly socio-emotionaldevelopment Is based on research methodsthat have been generalized in away that would not beaccepted today Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 4. Attachment theory isbeing updated andinfluenced bydevelopments inneurobiology and by theinteraction with otherprofessional researchsuch as neuroscience,psychiatry,traumatology, &developmental theory but not everyone paysattention to thechanges! Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 5. In the current use of the term, almost anybehavior or relationship problem can be*diagnosed* as attachment disorder . Yet, there is almost no recent orneurodevelopmentally based research onthe long term relationship buildingcapacity of children who experience earlyneglect/abuse + multiple/changingcaregivers Children may have many challengingbehaviours, but these could be fromother disorders such as fasd, adhd,autism, ptsd, etc Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 6. Basic Ideas on How Attachments are Formed The infant is born wired and driven to form andmaintain attachments to a caregiver (later welltalk about how pre-natal exposure to toxins andother experiences harms this) We have hormones and chemicals that release inour brains to facilitate attachment Attachment is about survival & emotionalregulation Babies and children will do whatever is necessaryto maintain their attachments and to stay alive but emotional dysregulation can get in the wayof their connection with others The baby uses the attachment figure as a securebase Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 7. All babies try to attach butthe security of theattachment depends on howthe caregivers respond tothe child = if the caregiver isdoing it right (or mostlyright) the babys brain willdevelop normally if thecaregiver is neglectful orabusive the baby willbecome overwhelmed withstress & trauma and therewill be long term problems 8. Early attachmentexperiences. Become the groundwork for lateremotional development & emotional selfregulation Influence how the brain develops, whatparts work properly, and how the brainwill be physically structured Children learn how relationships workfrom the early attachments The life long impact of early attachment isreflected in childrens relationships withothers, with their self-regulation, and withtheir emotional openness Help the baby manage stress this isimportant because too much stress is harmful tothe brain at any age! Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 9. This says it all 10. Attachment behavioursinclude Proximity Seeking - The babycan leave the parent but willcheck to see that she is stillnear and the baby will returnwhen shes had enough of theworld or just needs areassuring touch. Separation Anxiety Anxiety/stress that occurswhen the attachment figureis absent, abusive,unpredictable, chaotic, orneglectful. 11. Attachment and the developingbrain Current neurobiological models ofattachment focus on the formation ofthe right brain (Schore, 1994, 2001a).The right brain is in charge of: Tone of voice Facial expression Gestures Posture Intensity of response Autobiographical memory(remembering significant events) Map of the body (only on this side) Stress Management 12. Its all about interaction Things like tone of voice,gestures, intensity ofresponse, & stressmanagement are all vitalin the way a mom andan infant interact If the infant cant pick upon these cues, or no oneis giving the cues, thenthe attachment processis at risk of notdeveloping 13. Attachment dance Baby fusses or cries, momautomatically touches orsoothes, not always noticing thatshe does this Baby responds by calming heart beat & breathing smoothout Mom and baby both feel better Parts of both of the brains inboth mom and baby light upduring this dance Feel good hormones such asoxytocin are released in bothmom and baby 14. Baby learns to calm whenmommy nears From learning to besoothed by mommy, babytransfers the experience toself soothing This is the beginning ofemotional self regulation The parts of the brain thathandle self regulation arestimulated and set up towork for the rest ofbabys life 15. Where do some parents mis-step in this dance? Parent fails to read infant/childcues Fails to respond to the childscues Interprets crying as somethingthe child is doing to the parent,rather than as the childdisplaying a need Turns away from the child whenthe child is needy Keeps the child close, or pusheschild away, according to theneeds and mood of the parent,not the needs and mood of thebaby 16. ContinuedRejects or fails to initiateaffection with the babyRidicules the childs needs Frightens the child byaggressive behaviours orviolence or unpredictablebehaviours Research indicates that themothers behaviour has moreinfluence than the babysbehaviour or temperamenton the development ofattachment 17. Challenges to attachment Pre-natal exposure todrugs and/or alcohol Neglectful parenting Abusive parenting Unresponsive/un-nurturing/roboticparenting Chaotic or violentenvironment Multiple/changingcaregivers 18. Pre-natal exposure Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder is the diagnostic termused to identify the permanent impact of alcohol on theformation of the embryonic and fetal brain. It is called a Disorder because it alters the way the brainforms which results in permanent long term challenges inlearning, in behaviour, in relationship formation and inemotional regulation. It is considered to be part of a spectrum of disorders becauseevery brain is unique and the damage done to the brain canbe different in different people. 19. FASD characteristics arelifelong- Learning disabilities- Very little impulse control- Inability to relate behaviour to consequences- Very forgetful- Poor boundaries- Often has concurrent adhd- Challenges with planning or following through with plans- Cant take what is learned in one situation and apply it to another- Poor social/peer skills due to immature social behaviours - Cant manage time or money or most abstract concepts concretethinkers- Doesnt recognize or respond to patterns of behaviour- Emotional dysregulation 20. These characteristics, beginning in infancy, can make itimpossible for the baby to be part of the dance The baby may not perceive that the mommy alwaysresponds The baby may not be able to take what she has learnedabout being soothed by mommy and generalizing theexperience to being able to self soothe Research shows that fasdinterferes with the babys ability to manage stress Therefore, there is no capacity todevelop emotional self regulationBrenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 21. The same parts of thebrain that are harmed byneglect and abuse arealso harmed by fasd.If the attachmentrelationship is weak, itcan make the symptomsof fasd worse Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 22. Neglectful and/or abusiveparenting When the quality of the parenting is poor, or the baby is neglected,or the baby is abused. the baby experiences stress. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of thelargest investigations ever conducted to assess associationsbetween childhood maltreatment (which causes infant stress) andlater-life health and well-being.Neglect, abuse, and living in violence all cause infant/childhoodstress and are major risk factors for the leading causes of illnessand death as well as poor health and poor quality of life inadolescence and adulthood. Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 23. ACE study findings 24. Developmental Dysfunction and Mental HealthDisorders Studies show that children with a history ofabuse or neglect, have these problems: significant problems in developmental andcognitive domains, ultimately affecting academicability Specific deficits in attention, in abstractreasoning, in impulse control, and in long-term memory for verbal information Significant decrease in IQ Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 25. Even more Development of adolescent and adult mental health disorders At high risk for suicidal thoughts By eight years of age, approximately 10% of maltreated childrenexperience suicidal ideation Re-victimization throughout childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.Dysfunctional Parenting and dysfunctional adolescent and adultrelationships A childhood history of maltreatment is associated with dysfunctionalinterpersonal relations in adulthood. Compared to Adults with a childhood history of abuse and neglect report twice as manysubsequent sexual assaults, higher rates of domestic violence, and fourtimes the rat of self-harm Inappropriate maternal dependence on children for emotional fulfillment Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 26. Non-nurturing Lets start by explaining what nurturing does: Nurturing helps to develop a largerhippocampus,(the brain region important forlearning, memory and stress management) Researchers found a connection between earlysocial experiences (parent/child interaction) andthe volume of the amygdala, (the brain regionthat regulates the processing and memory ofemotional experiences). Researchers also found that children raised in anurturing environment do better in school andare more emotionally developed than their non-nurtured peers. 27. Therefore Babies who dont receiveadequate nurturing are athigh risk of not achievingfull brain development They will do poorly inschool both academicallyand socially They will not developemotional regulation, andthis will lead to even moreproblems in life Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 28. Why do parents fail tonurture? The primary parent is in an abusive relationship The primary parent is in a violent and/or deprivedenvironment The primary parent has an addiction problem The primary has an attachment disorder The primary parent has a mental health challenge (includingdepression) or a developmental delay that precludesnurturing Primary parent lacks social support with difficult baby or inhard times The primary parent was abused/neglected as a child Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 29. Changing caregivers Babies can adjust to some changes in caregivers as long as theprimary caregiver is stable and available Babies can adjust to the other parent, to sitters, to grandparentsetc Babies cannot adjust to multiple strangers without a primarycaregiver to return to Babies cannot adjust to continual loss of caregivers Each move to a new caregiver places the baby under stress (andnow we know what stress does to the babys brain) Eventually the baby will stop giving attachment cues and willmanage the stress by either withdrawal or by continued distress 30. Creating attachment ininfantsit isnt rocket science! Remember the baby is born ready tobegin the attachment process she wantsto attach and she wants to belong to theprimary caregiver The primary caregiver doesnt have to beperfect to create a healthy attachment she only has to be good enough most of the time Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 31. Support for the mom Healthy attachment with your baby means taking care of yourself Its important to take care of yourself in order to build a secureattachment bond with your infant. Try to get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can make you irritableand even crazy. Try to trade night duty (on for two nights, off fortwo nights) with the other parent or with another adult, or to haveat least one morning a week to sleep late. Ask for help around the house. You cant do it all. Take a break from the baby on occasion. Caring for a baby isdemanding and can wear you out so leave the baby with a safeadult once in a while so you can take an hour in a coffee shop ,gofor a walk alone or with a friend, go to a yoga class, or dosomething you want to do. Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 32. Not recommended 33. Continued Find ways to calm yourself in stressful times. The baby willpick up on your stress if you are crying, the baby will crytoo. Learn some breathing exercises to help you calm down andde-stress your brain. Its okay to let your baby cry a minutelonger so that you can take a deep breath before picking yourbaby up and trying to soothe him or her. Find reliable help. Dont think you have to do it all yourself.Try to get help from your spouse, your friends, your familymembers, or a babysitter to help hold or care for your babyduring fussy times of the day. Take a walk. Get up and move. Its hard to move if you feeldepressed but do it anyway it will help you de-stress. 34. Self regulation for parents The key to developing or enhancingyour self-regulatory capacity is>>>>>>>> learn how to manageyour own stress and the problemsit creates! 35. Some famous peoples thoughts onstress I have been through some terrible things, some of which actuallyhappened Mark Twain Drop the idea that you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders. Theworld will go on without you. Dont take yourself so seriously NormaVincent Peale When I hear someone sigh Life is hard I am always tempted to askCompared to what? One must pick and choose ones battles in life or risk living in manyemotional foxholes Donald S. Neviaser If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thingitself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power torevoke at any moment Marcus Aurelius 36. Stress is a biological responseto:An eventA taskA personA thoughtA behaviorA situationA relationshipBrenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 37. Sudden stress , as well aschronic stress, causes: Increased heart rateReduced immune function Increased breathing (lungs dilate)Decreased digestive activity Liver releases glucose for energy Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 38. Stress overwhelms and over activatesthe limbic system Information that is coming in from theexternal world is misunderstood ormisinterpreted The brain is looking for trouble This makes events, feelings,relationships, tasks etc seem toimportant, too imminent, toofrightening, to threatening, toodifficult, and too un-resoveable Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 39. Chronic stress makes all ofthese stop working 40. Chronic stress can lead toanxiety 41. Chronic anxiety can lead to Constant worryingFeeling like your anxiety or worry is beyond your controlIntrusive thoughts about that make you feel anxiousCant tolerate any lack of structure or unanticipated changeConstant feelings of dread or edginessCant relaxCant focus or concentrateEven small tasks feel overwhelmingCertain situations or places trigger anxiety without any accompanyingbehaviour or eventPhysical tension throughout the body resulting in joint or muscle painBrenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 42. Little things mean a lot Remember the anxiety triggerdoesnt have to be a real threat or abig deal It can be a here we go againresponse to a stressor ie phone ringing = call from angryschool principal or police so heartstarts racing and the anxiety cycle kicks inBrenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 43. And heres what happensnext Short term memory problems Inability to concentrate Poor judgment, cant evaluate Focusing on the negative Anxious, worrying thought Irritability Inability to relax Feeling overwhelmed Sense of loneliness and isolation Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 44. Stress can lead to, or co-existwith depression 45. Symptoms of depression Depressed mood (in children this canpresent as an irritable mood and canalso lead to aggressive behavior) and / or Markedly diminished interest orpleasure in all or almost all activitiesmost of the day, nearly every day Impairment in functioning Must be present for two weeks Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 46. Still more Fatigue or loss of energy Diminished ability to think orconcentrate Significant weight change Recurrent thoughts of death orsuicidal ideation (with or without aplan) Sleep disorder Inability to concentrate Loss of interest Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 47. Your child and you may both besuffering from depression. If you think you or anyone in yourfamily has any or all of thesesymptoms, please seek professionalhelp right away. In addition to professional help, you might also like to consider some of these methods that you can do on your own, or that will require a licensed and trained professional. Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 48. Exercise daily, even if only for 15 minutes, 30 minutes daily is great Have firm boundaries about what you can, will, and wont do for others and what you can,will, and wont tolerate in others Meditate daily, a 5 minute meditation is better than nomeditation but a 15 or 30 minute meditation is super Talk about your feelings with someone else who is in thesame boat that is, another parent, or attend a supportgroup either in person or online Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 49. Yoga Biofeedback Neurofeedback EMDR Cognitive Behavioral Therapy EFT (Tapping) There are manygood therapies findthe one that works foryou Put yourself first you are the basis of the family if you sink, all will sink 50. Reminder You have stress, depression, anxiety your childdoes, too that is what happens to people whentheir emotional states are not self-regulated Monitor your own capacity to self-regulate so thata) you can continue to be healthy andemotionally stableb) you can role model emotional health to yourchild c) the rest of your family can continue to enjoylife Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 51. Parenting for healthyattachment If you have parented your child fromconception, attachment should not be a problem andthe following strategies will be effective If your child has experienced disruptive attachmentrelationships, then the same strategies will beeffective in the long run, but nothing will make thingshappen as fast as you would like these strategieswill build the neural circuits that should have beenbuilt in her first year of life, but this will be a longprocess so be patient and dont give up!!!! Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 52. Parenting strategies withbabies Hold your baby carry him in your arms, or ina sling/carrier. He needs to feel your heartbeating. Read and talk to your baby the sound ofyour voice is her cue that the world is safe.Reading to her expands the vocabulary shehears and triggers more neurons to startfiring. Play games ie hide and seek, or this littlepiggy. It provides fun and happy hormones aswell as teaching the baby how to get excitedand how to calm down again. Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 53. Continued Kiss the baby it floods the brains of bothmom and baby with oxytocin (a feel goodhormone) Talk to the baby when you leave the room -this teaches him that you still exist when youarent in sight Massage the baby the stimulation on theskin is good for the baby and is calming Give the baby warm, soothing bathes these promote the same things as massage.Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 54. MOST IMPORTANTLY>>> Be present emotionally, physically,psychologically Be safe calm, capable, stable Be predictable reliable, constant Be responsive learn what your babyneeds and provide it Be loving demonstrate the lovethrough touch, voice, care Be protective - keep the environmentsafe no violence, no chaos, no angryvoices Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 55. Pre-school & early childhoodyears Tell her you love her every day Show him you love him every day, hug, play, laugh, smile, eye contact Listen to the feelings underneath the words she uses Show respect for his thoughts and opinions by listening to them and not ridiculingwhat he thinks Include your child in discussions about what is happening in the family familyvacations, friends visiting, school Tell your child when plans change Touch your child affectionately with hugs, pats on the back, sitting together to read,cuddling on the couch Model what you want your child to learn about kindness, manners, etc Give her age-appropriate responsibilities at home Acknowledge & praise your child when he does things well or right or at least tries Dont yell, insult, shame, spank, or use sarcasm 56. Later childhood Everything weve already talked aboutcan continue at an age appropriatelevel Decide what to modify and what todrop or add by the cues from the childie Dont hug me in front of myfriends!!! or wanting to play with theparent in different ways such as goingto movies or bowling or playing boardgames instead of cuddling on thecouch or going to a park.Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 57. Some things you shouldntdo Dont hit Dont spank Dont ridicule Dont over punish Dont try to win These things dont work, and some arenot legal! Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 58. Discipline If you have parented your child fromconception then discipline will be easierand more effective If you have started parenting your child ata later stage in her life choose what youwill consequence and be prepared to letlots of things go This is a one step at a time process forchildren who require later stage help withemotional regulation development Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 59. Continued Re-direct to an activity that is acceptable to you ie No, you cant have acookie now so put them back would you like an apple? If the child willonly accept a cookie then too bad, stay firm Time in have your child sit near you ie at the kitchen table playing withleggo or colouring or playing with an electronic thingy only until the childis calm Use a naughty chair have the child sit in a specific location until he hascalmed the older child version of this is to send him to his room dontworry if the door is slammed on the way thats just his way ofdischarging cortisol Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 60. Continued Take away a desired activity or item but dont takeaway something that you cant return or that willcause greater problem Add chores that can be done without yoursupervision and can be easily observed as completedie rake the yard till you have 3 bags of leaves The point of discipline is to make a point not to win Use family meetings as a time to negotiate changingrules dont do it in the moment Stay calm and stay firm Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 61. Attachment in the teenyears This is a time of transition and change What worked at 10 wont work at 14 This is a natural time of de-tachment the teen is in a life stage in which she ismoving toward independence she has abiological drive to seek life beyond thefamily Attachment and the relationship betweenparent and child is vital at this life stage Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 62. Relationship strategies Recognize that the teen still needs the you Stay available by being supportive of positive endeavors, and be activelyinvolved wherever you can Help him plan for the big transitions, such as first year of high school what clothes should he have? What sports does he want to play? Who are his friends? Listen to her concerns about social approval and peer pressure. Talk about values movies and tv shows are a good starting point for suchconversations Give reasons for the limits you set dont expect him to like them,but listen to his reasons against them 63. Continued Just because a mood is caused by a shifting hormone doesntmean it doesnt matter be supportive of fears and feelings Find things you can still do together go to movies, gobowling, take short trips, go shopping Pay attention to the kids your kid is hanging out with Try to keep her engaged in healthy activities Recognize the never ending importance of your relationshipwith their teen for adjustment, despite her increasingdisinterest in family life and her increasing interest in peers Be aware of, and monitor, his involvement with various peergroups and their activities at school Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 64. Continued Understand that as adolescents move into romantic relationshipsthey can still benefit from parents emotional support andguidance. Talk openly about sex and sexual health Be available to discuss feelings, values and decision making Negotiate when possible Eat meals together What do you do to stay connected to your teen? Brenda McCreight Ph.D. Workshop series 65. Disciplining from an attachmentbase Be clear with your rules and expectations be aware that thesemay need to shift and be flexible Dont argue you will lose - just state your position and listen Use grounding as long as it works Remove privileges as long as this works Negotiate but not beyond your values or safety Expect challenges to your authority Keep everything about health and safety Dont power struggle you will lose Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 66. BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL!!!!! And remember these: Be present emotionally, physically,psychologically Be safe calm, capable, stable Be predictable reliable, constant Be responsive learn what your teen needsand provide it Be loving demonstrate the love throughtouch, voice, care Be protective - keep the environment safe no violence, no chaos, no angry voices Brenda McCreight Ph.D. workshop series 67. Thank you for sharing this time with me. You can check out other services and products at these sites: http://www.lifespancounselling.com http://www.theadoptioncounselor.com http://www.hazardousparenting.com The Hazardous Parenting facebook site Udemy.com (search under Brenda McCreight) Slideshare.com (search under Brenda McCreight) Amazon.com (search under Brenda McCreight) brendamccreight@gmail.com Brenda provides counselling and parent coaching worldwide via skype, telephone, and email please contact her by email if you would like to book an appointment. 68. Some of Brendas books