Astd g&g webinar

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The Power of Balance!

Leslie Williams, MCC www.grit-and-grace.com"

304.876.6934

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©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011. Not for use, reproduction or distribution without prior written permission.

2 Objectives!

■  Gain an understanding of how style forms and changes

■  Learn about the “grit and grace” model of influence, as a way to better " - understand and develop yourself" - guide colleagues, clients and customers on issues of style

■  Gain practical tips on how to develop greater stylistic balance, so you can influence more effectively – and help others to do the same.

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©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011. Not for use, reproduction or distribution without prior written permission

3 Background!

■  Over 20 years’ executive coaching experience revealed a recurring client challenge: leadership style was criticized as being ‘too hard’ or ‘too soft.’" "“How do I find an influence style that’s both authentic and effective?”!

■  This has been a particularly strong theme for my female leader clients.

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4 Background (cont’d)!

■  Almost every act of leadership involves the ability to influence others.

■  So effective power/influence style is critical to success for leaders and leadership development professionals alike.

■  Yet style goes largely unexamined, until/unless it presents a problem.

■  What if we could get ahead of that curve and "become more conscious and skillful before "we hit the “style skids?”

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5 Anatomy of Style!

Beliefs Behavior Results = Pattern / Style

• Successful • Self-reinforcing • Automatic / Habitual

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6 Style and Gender!

■  Because influence style is such an important ingredient in career success, leaders - men and women - need to pay attention to style issues.

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7 Style and Gender (cont’d)!

§  However, organizations still tend to relate differently to men and women on issues of style.

§  They tend to apply considerably more scrutiny to women’s styles than to men’s. So women deal with this issue more often and acutely.

§  “Stylistic bell curve.” " ■  Changing…but slowly.

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8 The Influence Style Continuum!

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“GRIT”

Assertive Objective

“GRACE”

Supportive Sensitive

+ Inclusion Support

Tact Collaboration

Relationship focus

+ Direction Challenge

Clarity Decisiveness

Task/fact focus

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9 Grit & Grace!

■  Neither is better or worse; each has its strengths.

■  We tend to be a mix.

■  That said, we tend to prefer one pole: more comfortable, natural and practiced. “Home base.”

■  Where is home base for you?

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10 A Tale of Two Leaders!

■  CFO of a telecommunications"company (Donna)

■  H.R. manager at a "consulting firm (Susan)

Their styles worked beautifully…until they didn’t. What happened?

GRIT

GRACE

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■  Successes solidify our place on the continuum. That style works for us..."""""""""""""

"""""""""""""""

+ Direction

Challenge “Grit” Clarity

Decisiveness Task focus

+ Inclusion Support Tact “Grace” Flexibility Relationship focus

Aggression Intimidation

“Growl” Perfectionism Inflexibility Insensitivity

-�

Indecision Overprotection Avoidance “Gum” Inconsistency Inequity -�

Perils of Over-Investment! 11


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12 Key Points!

■  When we get feedback of “You’re too hard” or “too soft,” we tend to hear, “You need to become a different person.” NO!

■  Your style preference in itself is not the problem.

■  It’s a source of strength.

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13 Key Points (cont’d)!

■  What CAN become a problem is relying too heavily on your preferred style to the neglect of its opposite.

■  Then, your style gets out of balance, and you can become:

•  vulnerable to the downsides of your favored style"

•  less versatile

•  “allergic” to the other style, leaving critical strengths

untapped."

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14 He Said It Best!

“Power without love [grit without grace] is reckless and abusive; love without power [grace without grit] is sentimental and anemic.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

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15 Feedback: The Wake-Up Call!

■  Because we’re often unconscious about our style, it often takes feedback to bring it into our awareness.

■  As uncomfortable as style feedback is, it is a valuable call to growth.

■  There are more and less productive ways to deal with that feedback.

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16 4 “Reactive” Responses!

§  Blame: “I wouldn’t have to be so … if you weren’t so…”

§  Intensify: hyper-engage the current style

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17 4 Reactive Responses (cont’d)!

■  Abandon: escape current style and adopt "the opposite

■  “Whack-a-mole:” jump from style to style to avoid getting hammered

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■  Import and integrate the healthy aspects of the opposite style

þ  Stay rooted in your preference (strength) AND þ  Incorporate the best aspects of the opposite (versatility)

18 Generative Response!


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Grit: Grace:

Directness Compassion" with heart with backbone

19 The Result of Integration!


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■  Achieving integration is not a quick fix; it takes attention and practice over time.

■  The foundation: "

an understanding of your own style, with its " strengths and limitations. "

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With this awareness comes the power of choice!"

20 How Integration Happens!


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■  From that awareness, you can develop some of the opposite side’s perspectives, skills and habits.

■  There are many “practices” that can help you start achieving a more balanced, integrated style. Here are a few "to get you or your clients started.

21 How Integration Happens (cont’d) !


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■  Observe yourself – “What gets my ‘grit’ going? What’s going on for me then?” Look for patterns and prepare new ways to respond.

■  Listen, listen, listen, from a place of true curiosity. Don’t worry about being impressive. Concentrate on being impressed.

■  “Dual bottom line.” Use every interaction as an opportunity to strengthen BOTH the task AND the relationship.

■  Physical exercise: Yoga, tai chi, chi gong, dance (anything that increases flexibility)

■  Emotions: look for internal frustration. This is a dominant emotion for people with a Grit preference. It’s a signal to slow your pace and soften your approach. Pushing harder can just bog down task accomplishment.

■  Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on your style – both when you drive too hard and when you take steps to be more collaborative.

22 For Grit Preference:!“Grace-Strengthening” Practices!


23 3 ■  Observe yourself – “When/why do I sacrifice my needs or point of view?” Look for

patterns and prepare new ways to respond.

■  Practice identifying your wants and needs.

■  Practice saying “no.” Start small and build up.

■  Physical exercises: Pilates, weight lifting, yoga (anything that increases physical strength)

■  Emotions: look for internal resentment. This is a dominant emotion for people with Grace preference. It tells you that someone has crossed a line and that there’s something you need to confront.

■  Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on your style – both when you collapse and when you take steps to assert yourself.

23 For Grace Preference:!“Grit-Strengthening” Practices!


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■  Style evolves over time and is driven both from the inside (you) and the outside (your environment).

■  While most of us are a mix of grit and grace, we tend to prefer one side of the spectrum.

■  Overinvestment in one side to the neglect of the other can cause a stylistic imbalance that can impede your effectiveness.

■  The key to effectiveness is integrating the two sides, staying rooted in your preference while embracing the best aspects of the other. You’re become more effective without becoming someone you’re not.

24 Summing Up!


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For my website and blog, go to http://grit-and-grace.com/grit-and-grace-notes/

25 Thank you!!

©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011

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