Assignment Two Peer Commentary

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Assignment Two Peer Commentary The Importance to have a Strong Support Group Christina C Cao University of North Carolina at Charlotte The Importance to have a Strong Support Group Introduction Cold. Agony. Hurt. Pain. Disbelief. These are some of the words to describe Elena Gilbert’s emotions in the moment when she realized her brother was dead. In the episode of her brother’s death, Elena went through denial and finally a mental break down. During her mental break down she started panicking and pacing around the living room in despair asking why her brother had to die and how she was in denial of his death. In that moment she could not take the pain, she broke out into tears on her knees shaking her head saying, “no, no, no! I can’t take it anymore. It hurts, it hurts.”, as her friends watched in shock and sadness (Cao, 2015). Her friends were hurt and heartbroken seeing their closest friend in such pain. They knew as their jobs as her friends they needed to help her cope and move on from her brother’s death. Throughout Elena Gilbert’s journey in the TV series The Vampire Dairies, she experiences some very traumatizing events such as her parents’ tragic death to the death of her brother and the transition of becoming a supernatural creature as a vampire later in the TV show; she always had the support of her friends and family by her side no matter what. They were there to help her cope with her loses and heartbreak. Her friends and family are her strong support group who make sure she is stable and does not feel alone when going through difficult times. In the end they wanted to just look out for Elena and make sure she is happy and well. Friends and family play such an important role in Elena’s life. As a fan of the show, I have seen how much Elena has grown because the love and support of her friends and family, she would not be who she is without them. Her friends and family have been there from the start to finish and they have never given up on her even when it seems impossible to get through to her. There

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UWRT 1104 Assignment Two with Peer Commentary

Transcript of Assignment Two Peer Commentary

Page 1: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

Assignment Two Peer CommentaryThe Importance to have a Strong Support Group

Christina C CaoUniversity of North Carolina at Charlotte

The Importance to have a Strong Support GroupIntroduction

Cold. Agony. Hurt. Pain. Disbelief. These are some of the words to describe Elena Gilbert’s emotions in the moment when she realized her brother was dead. In the episode of her brother’s death, Elena went through denial and finally a mental break down. During her mental break down she started panicking and pacing around the living room in despair asking why her brother had to die and how she was in denial of his death. In that moment she could not take the pain, she broke out into tears on her knees shaking her head saying, “no, no, no! I can’t take it anymore. It hurts, it hurts.”, as her friends watched in shock and sadness (Cao, 2015). Her friends were hurt and heartbroken seeing their closest friend in such pain. They knew as their jobs as her friends they needed to help her cope and move on from her brother’s death.

Throughout Elena Gilbert’s journey in the TV series The Vampire Dairies, she experiences some very traumatizing events such as her parents’ tragic death to the death of her brother and the transition of becoming a supernatural creature as a vampire later in the TV show; she always had the support of her friends and family by her side no matter what. They were there to help her cope with her loses and heartbreak. Her friends and family are her strong support group who make sure she is stable and does not feel alone when going through difficult times. In the end they wanted to just look out for Elena and make sure she is happy and well.

Friends and family play such an important role in Elena’s life. As a fan of the show, I have seen how much Elena has grown because the love and support of her friends and family, she would not be who she is without them. Her friends and family have been there from the start to finish and they have never given up on her even when it seems impossible to get through to her. There were times when Elena almost killed herself because she felt like she was no longer needed or gave up on humanity when she turned into a vampire and her friends were there to help her through the journey. I realized how imperative it is to have a strong support group/system to get through life toughest obstacles. This paper explains why it is important to have a strong support group consisting of friends and family to have a healthy physical and mental state.Literature Review

Carlson, Perrewe´, Cobb, Lyons, Perrotta and Hancher-Kvam all agree that support groups are used as a coping mechanism to adapt to change, or stressful life events. A support group is like buffer for stressors and reduces the negative effects created from stressors. It has been said that social support for an individual effects the stress process, such as if an individual has conflict with a family or friend, but gets support, the strain may not be as much of a conflict as from the beginning. Also, social supports are shown to improve the successful recovery rate for patients with a variation of medical conditions. Social support is a key factor in the therapeutic process for a patient with an illness to show improvement in the recovery process. With the lack of social support can cause people to develop harmful diseases, evidenced reviewed by Chen and Cobb has shown that tuberculosis is a disease of social isolation or low social support (Carlson, Perrewe´, Cobb, Lyons, Perrotta, and Hancher-Kvam).

Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I love the way go about this introduction. These word really reflect everything the paper will be about and is about. It is a great hook and i like the quote you used in the intro to show emotion within the paper.Jeremy
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
I think that it is beneficial that you have pointed out that you are a fan of the show because it helps to inform the reader about bias you have which is required in order to meet the assignment two guidelines. Maybe it would be a thoughtful idea to expand this statement and write about how your bias may affect your work for example, you could say something such as 'Due to the fact I am a significant fan of the show, there may be some parts of the paper where I come across as bias however, I have limited this as much as possible'. Luke Langley
Luke Langley, 11/07/15,
_Re-opened_
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
_Marked as resolved_
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I think its good how you included the details of Elena's journey. You tell us about the traumatizing events. This helps understand the story better as well. Difficult times play major roles in all TV series and explaining these explanations help the reader get into and understand what is going on throughout the paper.
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
Your introduction is really gripping. The reader feels the emotions that you have displayed. Good citation as well. Ryann Tate
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
I think you have created a great 'hook' to help build tension here. The reader instantly wants to know why her brother died. Perhaps you could expand your introduction to describe what your paper is actually about shortly after. I was not really sure who Elena Gilbert is when I first started reading. Luke Langley
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Being that, social support play a role in the aftermath of psychological and behavioral interventions and research has shown that a close connection with family has lowered thoughts of suicide, increase in physical activity, better psychological health, reduces the chances of developing social breakdown syndrome and alcoholism, and lower the engagement in health compromising behaviors such as smoking, alcohol, drug use, early sexual activities and unhealthy dieting (Carter, McGee, Taylor, and Williams, 2005). In a nine year observation of residents in Alameda County has found that individuals with fewer relationships have a higher rate in engaging in smoking, drinking, decrease in exercise and increase chance of obesity. Social support looks to be a vital moderator of life stress in areas ranging from job loss, pregnancy, death, and in emotional and physical stress. Study has shown those who share their feelings and thoughts to family and friends have better mental health compared to those who do not (Hersey, Klibanoff, Lam, and Taylor). Findings have shown that elderly men are vulnerable to psychological distress when losing or lacking friend support. Friendships have less mechanical and normative constraints than other social connections, which allow friends to become flexible and adjustable sources of support compared to family connections. The elderly often turn to friends when worried or lonely because they provide emotional understanding and companionship which in return make them feel competent, useful, liked, and needed; this helps with their mental state and health. Interactions between the elderly with friends and family boost positive effects on their health and wellness (Matt, Dean).

In Walen and Lachaman’s (2000) study, people who are most likely to be healthy and happy have elicited positive relations and social networks which lead to positive outcomes when dealing with stress related activities. Social support is important because it influences the outcomes across a lifespan and social support groups are beneficial for various age groups, but social support groups have been found to decline as individual ages, even though social support becomes more essential as you age. Social exchanges help to regulate and control emotions and adults mostly confide to friend or peer support rather family because they view family support to be obligated.

Entering the Conversation

As a viewer and fan of the show, I have observed over the past seasons how Elena’s group of friends and family have become vital to her life struggles she has faced throughout the show. The reasons for why Elena’s friends and family were always there for her and never gave up on her showed me how their reasons wanting to help is just as important to actually helping Elena. Many people often talk about how support groups are beneficial but not often talk about why the support groups want to help the individual.Two of the character’s that have been with Elena as best friends since she was a child to present time is Caroline Forbes and Bonnie Bennett. Caroline and Bonnie’s motives to help Elena and be there for her are that they all three have shared a close bond and friendship for many years. They have built up and developed a bond made up with memories, experiences, hardships, and dark times. In the show Bonnies makes a lot of sacrifices to save Elena’s life and make her happy because she feels as her best friend she should protect her and knowing Elena has been through so much, she feels Elena does not deserve to experience another bad memory in her life. Caroline also feels the same way, in a way Caroline is like a caretaker in the friendship between her and Elena. She makes sure Elena is well and taken care of, for example when Elena gets hurt she makes sure she is taken care of until she has fully recover or when Elena goes through a tragic death or experience, she makes sure to handle everything else to make it easier for Elena to cope. Caroline feels she needs to be the caretaker to help her best friend cope better and make sure she

Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
Using an example made it much easier to be able to understand your work and improve my understanding of how Elena is well taken care of. To improve perhaps you could cite in in which season and episode this happened as well as how far into the episode. This would allow the reader to be able to watch this episode at their leisure and improve their understanding even more. Luke Langley
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
Try to make your sentences more concise. This will provide clarity. The reader won't be confused about what you're saying.Ryann Tate
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I like this introduction to the Entering the Conversation. I like how you mentioned you were personally attached to the show. You also showed the attachment of Elena and her friends and family. Maybe you could be a little more specific in explaining here which seasons you observed this in. Jeremy
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I appreciate the addition of this finding. It is an interesting fact and it teaches the reader something new. This adds a bit of an emotional connection to the paper. Jeremy
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is physically and mentally well. Both Bonnie and Caroline have always helped and been there for Elena because Elena has done the same for them even when she is going through tough times. Elena put aside her problems for them and Caroline and Bonnie thanks her for that by being her support group.

Another key character that has been there for Elena is Stefan Salvatore. His drives to be there for Elena as a boyfriend and a best friend are to be her protector, number one supporter, and (need another word for helper or a person that guides her in the right direction). In my observations I made, Stefan quoted “I remember when I was at my worst. Elena didn’t give up on me. So we can’t give up on her.”, this was when Elena was going through a really hard time coping with her only brother’s death and she decided to turn off her humanity and emotions (Cao 2015, p. 10). Elena started to act differently in a negative way; her friends were there for her trying to get her back on track to be herself again. At times, her friends felt like giving up, but Stefan enforced others not to give up on her no matter what because she never gave up on anyone, even when it felt impossible. Stefan felt like it was his duty as a friend and boyfriend to make sure she was well again and that was his motive to keep on going and being there for her at all cost.

Also, her brother Jeremy played a big role in being her supporter since day one. Before he died, he made sure to protect his only sister even though they were not siblings by blood. He knew since he was her only family left he needed to be there for her and each other. They were all they had after their parents’ death. When Elena went through dangerous situations in the show causing her to almost die like being a human sacrifice or a walking blood bag for the vampires before she transitioned into one, Jeremy was always the first to volunteer and help save her life. Even after the traumatizing situations when she was safe and sound, he would make sure she was mentally stable. He did not want his sister feeling unsafe and paranoid. He wanted to keep her safe because Elena as the big sister would sacrifice herself for her brother to stay alive and well.

Likewise, everyone has reasons to why they want to be the support group for an individual. The reasons keep them going and motivate them to help and without reason they would not have the motive and energy to help. Having a support group is imperative, but how is it worth having if they do not have reason to why they want to help. That is why the reasons wanting to help is just as important as playing the role as a support system.

ConclusionIn conclusion, support groups are an important asset to everyone’s lifestyle to achieve a

healthy mental and physical state. People use support groups in their daily lives and routine to get through tough situations as way to cope and seek help and they are very beneficial as well. Most support groups consist of people who are close to the individual, but that may not always be the case. There should a study done on if support groups made up of strangers can be just as effective as a support group made of close friends and family. The groups of strangers can all have same the common struggle as the individual to be able to understand and know what methods works best for the person to cope better. This study could better enhance the importance and how effective support groups are.

References

Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
In your conclusion you have done a great job of summarising your paper in a clear easy to understand manor. To make your conclusion even better I would suggest proposing questions for where further research could be done into your field for example proposing questions about further research into support groups. It would be wise to do this is Ashlyn recommended so in the example document. Luke Langley
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
Overall, you have written a very informative paper. Be careful with your sentences because at times they can get confusing. This will help you get your point across more affectively.Ryann Tate
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
I like how you are making your assignment relevant to the real world due to the fact it proves your work is valid. On the other hand you have not actually given any evidence to support what you have said. Perhaps you could find an article about support groups and then cite it here in order to provide evidence and make your work even better. Luke Langley
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
This is a great conclusion to your paper. I think it would add to it if you included a reference back to the paper to correlate with your conclusion. Maybe by adding something like how Jeremy is always the first to Volunteer in the sentence explaining how people use support groups in their daily lives. Jeremy
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
You have brought a very important point. Maybe you should delve into a little more in your entering the conversation or introduction. Ryann
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
I like that you give examples of how all the characters have helped Elena. These examples help in your argument about the importance of support group. Whomever reads this will be persuaded further in your argument.Ryann Tate
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I like the structure of this paragraph and the examples used but i think you should include how Elena started acting different. That way you know more specifically what her friends are trying to resolve in her life. Jeremy
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Cao, C, Personal Communication, September 17-22, 2015.

Carlson, D., & Perrewe´, P. The Role of Social Support in the Stressor-Strain Relationship: An

Examination of Work-Family Conflict. Journal of Management, 25, 513-540.

Carter, M., McGee, R., Taylor, B., & Williams, S. (2005). Health outcomes in adolescence:

Associations with family, friends and school engagement. Journal of Adolescence, 51-62.

doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2005.04.002

Cobb, S. Social Support as a Moderator of Life Stress. 38(5), 300-314. Retrieved October 19,

2015, from Fsu.edu.

Hersey, J., Klibanoff, L., Lam, D., & Taylor, R. Promoting Social Support: The Impact of

California’s "Friends Can be Good Medicine" Campaign. 11, 293-311.

doi:10.1177/109019818401100306

Lyons, J., Perrotta, P., & Hancher-Kvam, S. Perceived Social Support From Family and Friends:

Measurement Across Disparate Samples. 52(1), 42-47. Retrieved October 18, 2015, from Atkins

Library.

Matt, G., & Dean, A. Social Support from Friends and Psychological Distress Among Elderly

Persons: Moderator Effects of Age. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 34(3), 187-200.

Retrieved October 18, 2015, from Atkins Library.

Walen, H., & Lachman, M. (2000). Social support and strain from partner, family, and friends:

Costs and benefits for men and woman in adulthood. 17, 5-30. Retrieved October 18, 2015, from

Atkins Library.

How Has the Music Industry Swiftly Modernised Using Technologies That Go Against Traditional Industry Methods?

Luke. J LangleyUniversity of North Carolina Charlotte

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Background/ IntroductionIs it possible for you to become a global luminary or YouTube sensation and be idols like Against the Current within the six month to a year? Throughout human history, almost since human life began, music has been a significant part of people’s lives influencing their day to day activities and lifestyles. It is almost impossible to avoid as music is everywhere we visit from singing around camp fires, hearing the London orchestra play a Christmas concert in the Royal Albert Hall to hearing global sensations such as Taylor Swift play in huge stadiums that hold thousands of people; everybody loves some kind of music. Obviously today music is not the same as it was in medieval times, music is not even the same today as it was a year ago because people’s tastes and music genres change all the time. Music would not be popular without mediums for it to be produced, recorded and shared. Over the last fifteen years the music industry has undergone significant change. With the rise of social media, digital downloads, streaming services and video sharing websites an overwhelming number of artists are becoming successful quickly without the need for an initial record label. Some artists have even released videos that have gone viral overnight. Against the Current is one of the bands that have taken this approach and have only signed to record label ‘Fueled By Ramen’ in early 2015. Throughout this paper I will be researching how the music industry has changed in a way that gives more people the opportunity to produce music and where the music industry is likely to head in the future. The focus for my research will evolve around music artists who all have different levels of success from their own starting source including Against the Current, Taylor Swift, Alex Day and Wade Johnston. I will be enquiring into the different routes it is possible to take to become successful in the music industry whether it be from taking the traditional path of getting a record label to notice like Swift did with Big Machine Records (Cubbison, L. 2015) or take advantage of technologies such as YouTube for example, like what Against the Current have achieved (Langley. 2014). The research I conduct will discover more about how the music industry has shifted away from physical album sales, to digital downloads, to streaming services and even back to vinyl records all within a very short space of time. I want to discover what it is like for a music artist starting up in the music industry today and how this differs from when veterans in this industry such as Bon Jovi and The Rolling Stones started. An overall statement for my research is ‘How Has the Music Industry Swiftly Modernised Using Technologies That Go against Traditional Industry Methods?’Before proceeding further into this paper it is vital that I outline my relationship to the topic I have chosen and consequently any biases I may have. I have spent my teenage years seeing social media services such as Instagram, SnapChat and Twitter grow and find that I am a naturally techy person who has always had an interest in gadgets and

Christina Cao, 11/04/15,
I would not consider "techy" as real word. You should use a different word. Christina Cao
Christina Cao, 11/04/15,
I like how your introduction is very descriptive. For example, you explained how social media is an asset for new artist to sell and promote their music or how social media has changed how artist becomes famous without having an actual label. It gave valuable information for readers.Christina Cao
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I appreciate the way you executed this intro. I think the use of a question is a great hook. It gets the reader thinking deeper about what he/she are about to read. Jeremy
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the latest computer software. When Apple Music launched earlier in 2015 I instantly downloaded the beta and was extremely keen to test it out. The reason I am acknowledging this is because I am up to date on all kinds of technologies I sometimes believe they are better than older technologies such as CDs when in actual fact, some people prefer to have a physical copy of their music. Although I will try my hardest to take a neutral factual view on the technologies I discuss in my essay, I may sometimes come across as bias. Another bias I may have is I am a considerable fan of most the musical artists I discuss in this paper including but not limited to Taylor Swift and Against the Current and consequently some readers may believe I have written in a way which highly regards their work.

Literature ReviewOver the last 15 years the most major factor that has changed the music industry is the internet. With the launch of services such as YouTube, iTunes and Spotify music has become more easily available to the general public at a much cheaper cost. Unfortunately, the internet also has a negative side. It has created a way that file sharing has been made significantly easy. On the 29th of January the file sharing website Mega Upload, owned and operated by multimillionaire Kim Dotcom, was raided and shut down due to the US government. Some people even believe that Dotcom is one of the “World’s Largest Pirates” (All Things Considered 2012) making huge amounts of profit through the work of others. Ever since a long legal battle has been going on as Dotcom, any many of his followers, believe that he did not actually do anything illegal. Swift, Adele and many other artists believe that music streaming services, such as Spotify are significantly harming album sales and are almost as bad as music pirating services because the revenue they generate is so small nobody can possible earn a living from it. On the controversy, Spotify argue that it is vital to provide free streaming services following a ‘freemium’ model, supported by advertisements, in order to attract fans who will then pay for the service and consequently will be able to pay artists more in the long run. All these services are making it hard to value music in this digital world. People are willing to pay larger sums of money in order to gain higher quality music files. This is one reason why vinyl record sales are increasing dramatically and are actually more successful today than they were in the 1960s and 1970s when they peaked.

YouTube is arguably one of the fundamental resources that has caused such a huge change in the music industry. YouTube has over 1 billion users, that’s almost one third of the internet’s population and every day hundreds of millions of hours of content is viewed (YouTube 2015). This has provided a huge market for people who do not necessary have record labels to start producing music and actually have a chance of getting noticed and become successful. Alex Day, Against the Current and

Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I like the way you started your literature review. These services have definitely altered the industry. This statement is very true and helps understand what your trying to say throughout the lit review. Jeremy
Ryann Tate, 11/04/15,
I like that you included possible biases that you may have. Especially because the reader may not be a fan of the artist you talk about. Way to be consistent.Ryann Tate
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Wade Johnston are all examples of people with these characteristics. Before Christmas 2009, Day decided that he wanted to have a shot at gaining the UK Christmas number one chart spot and consequently produced a song he called ‘Forever Yours’. At first his song was not very successful in traveling up the charts however, after doing lots of promotion and releasing the same fundamental song just as lots of different versions to take advantage of a chart loop whole, Day’s song charted at position number four on Christmas Day. Despite the fact Day did not reach his goal, he proved that the music industry is changing because he proved that you no longer need huge financial supplies or record labels to achieve a top ten position in the Christmas charts.

Against the Current are an indie/ pop/ rock band who similarly arrived at their success through the promotional platform YouTube. The observations conducted by Langley in Assignment One show progress of how Against the Current have come from a band that are “no longer in a “basement” and instead are in a pleasant living room.” (Langley, 2015, Lines 326-327). Against the Current are now conducting a world tour stopping at over fifteen different countries and will contain performances in over 45 unique venues. It was only 2015 when Against the Current signed to a record label (Langley 2015). Cayari’s article follows a story of a teenager named Wade Johnston who takes the view that YouTube has replaced the way ancient way music was produced, shared and. The idea that a character with no experience or financial backing is explored (Cayari 2011). ‘Change’ is a word that is distributed and echo by a significant number of people in the modern music industry. In the video Big Think (2012, April 20), John Legend, a 38-year-old music icon from Springfield Ohio, identifies that there has been a breath-taking fall in sales of records in the recent past. Legend believes that this has led to a compelling loss in revenue for record labels who accordingly are making less profits. To combat this, record labels want to encompass terms into contacts that grant them access to profits earned through other streams such as touring and merchandise sales. This previously was not the case as record labels knew that good music artist would generate physical record sales providing them with a steady income. In Cloonan’s article Rethinking the Music Industry (2007) Cloonan suggests we should no longer think of it as just one industry and instead break it down into separate industries including the recording industry. The article points out that the world has changed significantly due to high levels of globalisation through technologies such as the internet and consequently the industry has naturally changed.

Entering The ConversationAfter reading through all my sources and carrying out necessary research it has become clear to me that the music industry needs a change in order to be profitable for future music creators, listeners and anyone else involved in the music industry. Due to “album sales falling in the face of music piracy” (Cubbison 2015, p1) it is clear to me that people no longer want to purchase music. Although streaming services in the likes

Christina Cao, 11/04/15,
Overall, i like how you gave examples in your Lit Review. You explained really well how internet websites such as YouTube has changed the music industry. As reader, I have never put thought about how YouTube and social media could change how people can get known for their music.Christina Cao
Christina Cao, 11/04/15,
You should add in how they promoted their music. Did they use social media or perform small concerts? This would give more to the reader or someone who wants to promote their music. Christina Cao
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of Spotify and the more recent Apple Music have helped please music consumers, many producers feel that streaming services are little better than the music pirates (Cubbison 2015). Streaming services, with perhaps the exception of YouTu be, also do not necessary make it easy for new independent music producers, such as Against the Current (Langley 2015) to become noticed and achieve their ‘big break’. I believe that it is possible to adapt and create new technologies, using ideas and technologies that already to push forwards the music industry in order to create more advanced tools that will benefit everyone involved and provide foundations for future development.

Individual Youtubers, such as Day do not necessarily have the essential skill set or budget required to start out producing a band that can record high quality songs (TEDxYouth 2013). In a band you typically need a vast range of instruments and tools including drum kits, guitars, pianos and technical studios full of expensive equipment. To purchase all this equipment would cost thousands of dollars, which the average person can not afford (Sherman 2105). The only other current alternative to purchasing all this equipment is to hire recording studio time however, this is also hugely expensive typically costing over $100 an hour. Even if someone did have all this equipment, due to people’s incredibly busy schedules and expensive travel costs generated by rising oil prices, it can be incredibly difficult to locate people all in one place at the same time. To combat these issues, I am proposing that a new ‘only studio’ is launched which will include several tools, that are discussed below.

The online studio, due to its very nature of being online, would allow people to be located anywhere in the world and, as long as they have a computer with high speed internet access, produce music with their friends and/ or band mates. The online studio could potentially work like an online chatroom, such as a Skype video call, but also have the ability to stream sound from instruments to a central computer, or server with high processing power capable of recording all the audio streams simultaneously. In order to reduce costs for the client, these computers could be owned by the organisation that hosts and developed the online studio however, still be affordable for this organisation because they can be shared by many people all with memberships to the online studio. Computers function 24 hours a day 365 days a year however, one group of humans will not constantly be recording music therefore, when people in the United Kingdom are sleeping, people in Australia could be using the online studio to record their music and vice versa.

One of the main features of the online studio is its ability to allow new and upcoming artist to record music over the internet instantly. The system provided by the online studio organisation should then be able to mix and master the recorded audio into a song and allow the composers to name it and eventually produce their own EP or album. I believe that it is vital that the system allows producers to publish and share their music and consequently would recommend there be the ability to publish high quality finished works onto a new special streaming platform. This streaming platform could also contain music already produced by existing record labels and artists similar to the music that can be found on todays streaming services. Music videos, lyric videos, exclusive messages and other content could also be features added to this platform.

Christina Cao, 11/04/15,
I suggest including how much it would cost to use 'only studio". Also, how much cheaper it is then having to rent out an actually studio. This would be useful and appealing information if you wanted to promote 'only studio'.Christina Cao
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I like the way you included the fact about the cost of the equipment. As a musician I understand these cost. I think including this is good for readers by giving them more understanding about what musicians go through. Jeremy
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To cover the costs for the organisation providing the online studio and music streaming services, I would recommend a membership be required to access the services. Depending on which services the individual requires, different price points should be charged. It also makes sense to offer a group package as to take advantage of the recording music services, you need a whole band. This will help the organisation increase their revenue as it provides an incentive to purchase the service for more people as they feel they are getting a better deal. Shown below is a table of my recommended pricing model:

Package Cost Per Month Description

Trial Free but limited to one month.

Access to all the services offered.

Individual Listener $9.99 Ability to stream music.

Group Listener $15.99 Ability stream music for up to five people.

Individual Producer $29.99 Ability to stream music and produce music using the online studio.

Band Producer $49.99 Ability to stream music and produce music using the online studio for up to five people.

Obviously further research will need to be carried out to discover information such as, how much licensing for very successful artists content will cost for streaming, the development costs of the online studio and the costs of purchasing and running the expensive server hardware needed to power all these services especially the online studio however, I believe these prices are realistic due to comparisons with competitor prices of streaming services and my knowledge/ experience with server hosting. My knowledge involves the creation and maintenance for different computer game servers making sure all the hardware and software runs seamlessly and effectively without any downtime.

In distinction to my research I believe that the new online studio system I am proposing will help to modernise the music industry and solve the problem of artists not receiving high enough pay through the current streaming services. The problem the industry is currently facing is that people are no longer prepared purchase the music they consume however; they will quite happily pay a much cheaper alternative of a

Ryann Tate, 11/04/15,
I've noticed that you use a lot of jargon in your writing. Eliminate all the jargon from your paper. I think it will be beneficial to keep an elevated tone throughout your paper. Ryann Tate
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
This chart is very informative. I think that it is very beneficial for the reader to have this information. Well done. Ryann Tate
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
I like how you included this chart. It adds a different perspective on the paper. It gives you something different to look at making the paper less "boring." Jeremy
Page 10: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

monthly subscription. The problem for the consumers is these subscriptions do not currently generate enough revenue to pay artist the revenue they deserve (Cubbison 2015). As Cayari outlines in her article ‘The YouTube Effect: How YouTube Has Provided New Ways to Consume’, and through the vast number of videos uploaded to YouTube everyday, we know that thousands of people enjoy producing their own music. Presently the only way to record high quality professional music is to either purchasing expensive equipment or renting recording studio time, I trust that people will be keen to lower their production costs and consequently will likely pay a high price, outlined earlier, for the online studio software.

In the long run, after the costs of the severs are covered through large volumes of people purchasing memberships for the online studio producer, it will be much easier to cover the running costs for resources resembling servers and music licences. This means that disposable revenue will be extremely high and consequently more revenue can be paid to artists who produce music for the streaming service. This will lead to artists becoming happier because they will now be earning more than they did from previous streaming services and consequently can cover the cost of paying the monthly producer membership as well as having large profits for themselves. Music consumers will be satisfied because they have a cheap streaming service they can use to consumer their music and the organisation providing the online studio will be jubilant due to a large revenue stream and consequently, in theory, the music industry should be modernised and more profitable for every party.Unfortunately, comparable to any contemporary idea, there are some potential complications that may arise from online performing in the music industry. One of the main concerns would be how cost effective the new online studio would be without a significant volume of users paying membership fees. This is for the reason that compulsory licenses and expensive servers hardware and software are required. Despite the fact I have considered that this issue would slightly be offset by the membership charges acting as a deterrent to unwanted users, it would still be challenging to monitor the online studio for clients uploading copyrighted content, poor quality music or other unwanted content. The system would not be effective or user friendly if it just got filled with lumber content. A final concern is that if the client has a lackadaisical internet connection it may make recording music a hard frustrating process. The client would also likely have to acquire at least one instrument in order to record songs.

In order to try and offset some of these issues, the online studio could also provide some extra services for example, allowing producers to rent out the physical instruments they purchase to other aspiring members of the site. This will likely provide an incentive for more future music producers to sign up. Bands could also setup a profile page where they can sell tickets to their concerts, merchandise and more. This would create even more revenue streams for the music producers and, if the online studio organisation took a percentage of their sales, profits would be generated for them too. Although this is technically a form of advertising, I believe this will move forwards

Christina Cao, 11/04/15,
How exactly does artist get revenue for using 'only studio"? You should explain how artist received revenue. Include how much more profit you would get compared to using spotify.Christina Cao
Page 11: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

advertising because it will be more specific to what people actually want to see and consequently will not feel like advertisements.

Overall, after reviewing the sources I consulted, I believe that the idea I have proposed could seriously push forwards the future of the music industry and provide some valuable incites into helping combat the issues of music privacy and pay outs for artists being too low. Although I believe further research still needs to be carried out, I hope my work will point the industry in a good direction for years of success.

Conclusion/ So-What?Throughout this paper I have researched the reasons how and why the music industry has changed from physical album sales towards more digital formats including downloads and streaming. This included concerns artists have about the amount of money they earn as well as how artists starting out today, are typically taking different paths to the traditional record label lead industry. I also felt it necessary to propose suggestions for where I believe the music industry is likely to head to in the future and why I support these ideas. Today I discovered that less bands and artists are signing to record labels in order to achieve their ‘big break’ and become known, instead they are relying more upon services such as YouTube and social media sites, such as Twitter, to publicise themselves and build an audience. Due to technologies such as the internet, artists are having to undergo other methods to create loyal fans who will purchase their music rather than simply using a piracy service. After taking into account the changes the music industry has undergone and the requirements new artists have I announced an idea I had for a new online studio which would allow people who would like to produce music to collaborate fast and efficiently over the internet to record songs. The online studio makes it cheap and easy for people to find the necessary musical resources they require and to publish their music to a potentially huge audience all paying a subscription to generate more revenue than existing streaming services. I feel that my contribution is vital to the future of the music industry as I believe it combats the problems the industry is currently facing of rising piracy and current streaming services not being able to afford to pay artists the money they deserve and the demands for more people wanting to be able to produce and publish their own content. Without the music industry undergoing some kind of change like what I have proposed, piracy will likely continue to increase and consequently existing artists will no longer be able to afford to produce the work we know and love. We also face the fear that fantastic new artists could easily go undiscovered therefore some valuable music contributions may never be heard. The topic of the the music industry is momentously critical for the reason that every culture throughout the world’s history has listened to music of some degree for thousands of years. Throughout this time huge developments have been produced to help achieve this music being shared for example we have gone from social gatherings to physical shops and now online content that can be accessed

Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
This entire sentence is a complete paragraph. For the readers sake, please throw in a comma or a period somewhere. I think your paper would be better understood if you did. Ryann Tate
Jeremy Williams, 11/07/15,
This conclusion is a good summary of the paper. I like the proposal included here as well. I think the length of the summary is good because it doesn't leave the reader empty. Jeremy
Page 12: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

by over 1/3 of the world’s population instantly (Internet Users 2015). According to Knight and Rickward (2001), their research has suggested that music can also help with relieving stress and other medical issues. Music also produces happiness for millions of people everyday and the global power celebrities have as role models inspiring young teenagers and helping them through difficult times and in some cases also potentially helping to prevent suicides do to the relatable songs they produce. This is why I believe it is essential for research to be constantly engaged with into the development of the music industry so that more spectacular content can be produced and accessed by as many people as possible throughout the globe helping to supply people with the audio they need for their health and happiness. There will always be more research that can be undertaken in order to allow the music industry to continue to grown and advance by becoming accessible to everyone on the planet no matter where they are. Questions I believe that should be asked is how can we take the online studio idea I have proposed and make it more educational and accessible to people with disabilities for example blindness. Would it be possible to develop tools using technology that can teach someone who is visually impearled how to play an instrument and share their content with the world? I also fantasise that it would be intriguing to research into how we can use technology to make music accessible in some kind of form to death people. Obviously death community will never physically be able to hear music, but perhaps technologies could be developed that produce musical vibrations so that they can ‘listen’ to music through vibrations rather than sound. The imagine that the possibilities of music are endless therefore I hope that research into this industry can always be undergone in a way that benefits as much of the global population as possible.

References

Big Think. (2012, April 20). How is the music industry changing? [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa4YuL-jGL8.

Cayari, C. (2011). The YouTube Effect: How YouTube Has Provided New Ways to Consume,Create, and Share Music. International Journal of Education & the Arts, 12(6).Cubbison, L. (2015). Will Taylor Swift and Spotify Ever Get Back Together? Top IntellectualProperty Developments of 2014, 38-41. Retrieved October 15, 2015.Internet Users. (2015, October 30). Retrieved October 30, 2015, from

http://www.internetlivestats.com/internet-users/

Ryann Tate, 11/04/15,
Your very verbose. Nothing wrong with it, but you tend to waffle on a lot. You could be more concise for the reader's sake. Ryann Tate
Page 13: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

Knight, W., & Rickard, N. (2001). Relaxing Music Prevents Stress-Induced Increases inSubjective Anxiety, Systolic Blood Pressure, and Heart Rate in Healthy Males

and Females. Journal Of Music Therapy, 254-272.Lam, C., & Tan, B. (2001, August 8). The Internet is Changing the Music Industry.Communications of the ACM, 62-68.Langley, L. (2015, October 9). Assignment One – Against the Current. Lecture.Sherman, C. (2015, September 23). Valuing Music in A Digital World. Forbes. RetrievedOctober 15, 2015.Sydell, L. (2012, January 20). Four Views On Megaupload. Retrieved October 26, 2015.

TEDxYouth. (2013, January 16). The Future of Music: Alex Day at TEDxYouth@SanDiego [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYt4gismyiI.

How to Resolve Cyberbullying

Ryann Tate

University of North Carolina at Charlotte

Introduction

Ding ding, a girl’s phone rings signaling an incoming message from Gossip Girl. The message reads, “Spotted at Grand Central, bags in hand: Serena van der Woodsen. Was it only a year ago our It Girl mysteriously disappeared for “boarding school”? And just as suddenly, she’s back. Don’t believe me? See for yourselves. Luck for us, Melanie91 sent proof, Thanks Mel. Gossip sure does travel fast on the Upper Eastside. Of course with the aid of technology. Although Gossip Girl is a fictional story, it tackles some real life issues in the world.

Jeremy Williams, 11/08/15,
I like the way you hook the reader in this intro. The way it rhymes sticks in your head. That makes the rest of the intro more impactfull. Jeremy
Luke Langley, 11/04/15,
The rhyme in your first sentence was a creative way to start and instantly makes the reader want to continue reading your paper as it really reminds the reader of the show. Perhaps somewhere in this paragraph you could make reference to which season and episode you are discussing. This would allow the reader to go back and watch this episode should they chose to and consequently have a better understanding of what you are examining throughout this assignment.
Page 14: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

Throughout the Gossip Girl series, we follow the lives of several teens in the Upper East Side. All of the Upper East Siders have secrets, it’s just a matter of when they will come out and who they will hurt. Gossip Girl does not act alone in exposing the secrets of the Upper East Side, she gets her tips from people in New York and the Upper East Siders themselves. Without her followers that send in tips, Gossip Girl would be powerless. The posts sent out by Gossip Girl were hurtful, and they ruined lives, relationships, and futures.In this age, technology affects the culture of the world in a major way. The way we communicate and interact with each other is mainly colored by social media. Because of this, there is a world wide epidemic of cyber bullying. We no longer bully people face to face but use tools like social media to bully people online. The rise in cyber bullying is astronomical. This is why children need to be informed about the dangers of the internet and what they should and should not be posted online. If we educate our youth on internet safety, it will be beneficial for the case against cyber bullying. In this paper I will talk about the importance of internet safety and the importance of education on internet safety to encourage the resolve of bullying.

Literary Interview

'Gossip Girl' tackles cyberbullying. (2009, February 27). Retrieved November 2, 2015. This article covers an episode of Gossip Girl called “Carrnall Knowledge”. In the episode there is a rumor about a teacher sleeping with a student on Gossip Girl. The website talks about what takes place during the episode. The person responsible for sending out the rumor, Blair Waldorf, gets expelled. A board of parents meet to discuss whether they should shut down Gossip Girl or not. The article brings up the many themes that are featured in the episode. For example, “disciplining students for cruel rumors, protecting the freedom of speech, maintaining the prestigious school’s reputation, defining bullying of teachers, condemning the values gossip sites encourage, and questioning where those values find their origin – all feature in the current debates over censorship in schools and online.”() A Parent’s Guide to Internet Safety. (2005, June 3). Retrieved November 2, 2015. This article is directions from the FBI to parents on how to monitor what their kids are doing online. It talks about how the internet is used to obtain information especially in an educational setting. The article gives insight on how people try to sexually exploit children while online. Furthermore, the article gives parents signs that their children are “at risk online”(). It also gives parents instructions on what to do if their child is at risk online. Additionally, the article provides parents ways of preventing the victimization of their children by online predators. Cyber Bullying Statistics 2014. (2014, February 24). Retrieved November 3, 2015. This article gives a lot of statistical data about cyberbullying. For example, 25 percent of teenagers report that they have experienced repeated bullying via their cell phone or on the

Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
You should add in details about what parents need to do if their child is at risk online. This will give the reader more info on what to do if this happened to them. Also, include what kind of sign specifically show that your child could be at risk online. Christina Cao
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
Don't forget to cite your information after you revise your formatting.Christina Cao
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
You should change the format of your Literature review to make it more put together. I would break it up into themes/paragraphs. Ashlyn said to use the summaries as a guide to write your Lit Review, not to simply copy and paste. Christina Cao
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
Your summaries for this section clearly show that you have read the sources in detail and have a clear understanding of their content. Despite this I believe that Ashlyn requested we do not simply just copy and paste the summaries from the homework response thirteen and instead try to categories the sources and then summaries each category. This will help to make your literature review feel more professional and help explain why you chose your sources. Refer to Ashlyn's example for more help. Luke Langley
Jeremy Williams, 11/08/15,
I like the way you structured your "literary review." With the source at the beginning it helps with understanding of the lit reviews. It also makes the paper look more organized. Jeremy
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
"Literature Review" not "Literary Interview" Christina Cao
Page 15: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

internet. Over half (fifty-two percent) off young people report being cyber bullied. Eleven percent of adolescents and teens have reported embarassing or damaging photographs taken without the knowledge or consent of the subject. Of the young people who reported cyber bullying incidents against them, one-third (thirty-three percent) of them reported that their bullies issued online threats. () The article encourages parents and authority figures to talk to their children about cyberbullying. It also encourages people to talk about cyber bullying as a way of preventing it. CyberBully and CyberGossip: A New Threat to Your Teen? (n.d.). Retrieved November 2, 2015. This article describes what bullying is, giving some examples of the way cyber bullying is done. Via email or social media bullies say negative things, spread rumors, and/or threaten their victims. This article also gives the reader cases of cyber bullying leading to death from different parts of the United States. Moreover, the text describes cyber bullying as, “a form of ‘relational agression’”. And it says that because girls are more likely to have relational aggression, they are more likely to be cyber bullies. The article give parents tips on how to help their children avoid cyber bullying. It also advises parents to not retaliate but to consider legal action. Finkelhor, D., & Mitchell, K. (2001, March 1). Highlights of the Youth Internet Safety Survey. Retrieved November 3, 2015.The article introduces a survey administered to over a thousand youth from ages ten to seventeen who used the internet regularly. The survey focused on harassment, sexual approaches, and etc. The article gives the results of the survey in sections. There were faults with survey because people who took it could probably lie about their gender and age. The survey found that nineteen percent of the youth who were surveyed received an unwanted sexual solicitation in the past year. Furthermore, only six percent of those surveyed reported that they have underwent harassment. The article advises parents to report any unusual findings to the police.

Hochberg, A. (2007, September 17). Back to School: Reading, Writing and Internet Safety. Retrieved November 3, 2015.This radio show discusses the new law that has been passed in Virginia that mandates high schools to teach an internet safety class. It talks about how an assistant attorney general to talk to kids about the dangers of the internet and sexual predators. It also talks about legislation that requires adolescents who want to join websites like Myspace to have parental consent. Similar legislation has not passed in other states. It is brought up that you cannot really know if a parent gives consent or not because it is on a computer. Myspace has taken precautions and kicked a lot of sexual predators off the sight. O'Keeffe, G., & Clark-Pearson, K. (2011, March 28). Clinical Report-The Impact of of Social Media on Children, Adolescents, and Families. Retrieved November 2, 2015.

Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
I like the statistics you included in the Lit Review. It gave valuable information. Like how many people is affected by this negative cause and it shows to me as a reader that cyber bullying needs to be stop asap. It brings a lot attention as a reader.Christina Cao
Page 16: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

This article gives multiple statistics on internet use by different tweens and adolescents. The article then lists the benefits of adolescents using the internet such as accessing, learning

opportunities, health information, and social connection. Likewise, the article lists the risks of

adolescents using the internet such as, cyber bullying, sexting, and lack of privacy. Each of the pros and cons have a detailed explanation with statistics to back it up. Furthermore, the article talks about the role of Pediatricians in internet safety. Saying, pediatricians should advice parents to talk to their children about what they do on the internet.

Tate, Ryann. “Assignment 1: Gossip Girl Observation.” (6, Oct. 2015). UWRT-1104-007. University of North Carolina at Charlotte. Notes. Retrieved November 2, 2015 This text is an observation of three consecutive episodes of the Gossip Girl series. Each observation was thirty minutes long. The text gives relative background information to readers about the show. Furthermore, the text provides a figured world, actors, domain, practices of the domain, etc. Each of the terms in the previous sentence were defined and an example was given based on the show for each of the terms. Following the observations, there is an interview from three fans of the show. All of the people who were interviewed gave their opinions of the show. Willard, N. (2005). Educator’s Guide to Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats. Retrieved November 2, 2015. This articles talks about how young people use the internet to connect and how more recently the internet has been used to display negative commentary. This article defines cyberbullying and lists the types such as, flaming, harassment, exclusion, and etc. Furthermore, the article talks about the impact of cyberbullying and risky online behavior. It delves into legal issues of cyberbullying. For example, the freedom of speech, liability of the schools, and criminal law. Moreover, the article gives some examples of way to help resolve cyber bullying. It delves into the responsibilities of the schools to change policies and to look for parent and community outreach.

Entering the Conversation In the Gossip Girl series, cyberbullying was a daily routine. Gossip Girl posted about every incriminating detail of the Upper East Side, without rebuff. The difference between Gossip Girl and the regular world, is that in Gossip Girl the people lived for the gossip they loved sending it in and reading it. The fictional characters never seemed hurt emotionally by a Gossip Girl post. In the society that we live in now, a site like Gossip Girl would be frowned upon. And frankly, if some of the posts on Gossip Girl were post in a real high school setting they would lead to very bad consequences. Because, unlike the characters on the television show, people in the real world have feelings and those feelings get hurt when negative things get posted about them online.

Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
Here you have delivered a very bold statement that I do not believe is necessarily always true and consequently may confuse people who have never seen the TV show. I think that the point you are trying to make about people in real life being more affected by websites than the characters in Gossip Girl is true however, I believe you should phrase this sentence differently. You could say something like "The fictional characters do not seem to face any long term consequences from the post by Gossip Girl". Luke Langley
Jeremy Williams, 11/08/15,
I like the way you approached the entering the conversation portion of this paper. You open it up s that the reader understands what you are about to talk about. Jeremy
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
Overall, each source you used had great information to support you thesis. But I would connect each sources into themes to make it more concise and smooth. Also, add more detail in each of your source, because some of the information is too broad. Christina Cao
Page 17: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

As a way to eliminate or resolve cyberbullying I propose that there should classes on internet safety. These classes should start as early as the middle school. Because, around the age of thirteen children start getting social media and they begin to use the internet more frequently. In this class students should be taught the importance of internet safety. The lessons should include but not be limited to sexual predators, privacy, digital foot print, and cyberbullying. For example, the students should be taught the dangers of putting personal information such as an address or telephone number online. They should be taught about how sexual predators work to hurt children and what actions they should take if they are being pursued by a sexual predator. Teachers should take time to explain to their students the definition of cyberbullying. Teachers should also illustrate all the different forms of cyberbullying. The students need to be aware of the consequences of cyberbullying both legal and emotional. At the end of this course there should be a survey asking how effective the class has been. If there is a course at middle schools that teach internet safety, perhaps there will be less cyberbullying reported among the youth.

Conclusion

Cyberbullying is an issue all across America. Cyberbullying may even lead someone to commit suicide. It is a very important topic to discuss, and anything there can be done to help prevent it should be done. We are not emotionless characters that loved to be talked about on Gossip Girl. We do not believe that the more we are talked about on social media, the more popular we will be. We are real people with real feelings that can get hurt when hurtful things are posted online. By setting up classes on internet safety we can teach students the dangers of the internet. Not to say that the internet is a dangerous place where only bad things occur. The internet provides many good advantages to todays youth such as social connection and research and learning opportunities. If adolescents are educated about the internet they will be less likely to cyberbully because they know what that may result in. Also parents should talk to their children about what they explore and post on the internet. And if a parent has a child that is being cyberbullied they should document the posts and if the cyberbullying gets out of hand, they should take legal action. Community outreach programs can provide some information about cyberbullying and internet safety as well. For more information about the cyberbullying problem, I propose a new survey be taken by adolescents around the United States. I also propose that along with the cyberbullying survey, there should be an internet safety survey as well. This information will be beneficial for the advancement of the research in both of these subjects.

Bibliography 'Gossip Girl' tackles cyberbullying. (2009, February 27). Retrieved November 2, 2015.

Jeremy Williams, 11/08/15,
I like how you have nine sources. All the sources link well with the paper as well. I think the input from these sources really helps the reader understand the topic and what you are trying to say. Jeremy
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
For APA, write "references" not "Bibliography". Make sure your citation are in ABC order. Christina Cao
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
Although the statement you have presented here is true you have not backed it up with any evidence. Perhaps you could cite a reputable source in order to back up what you are trying to say. This would make your work more reputable and valid and also reduce your risk of getting into trouble for plagiarism. Luke Langley
Jeremy Williams, 11/08/15,
This is a good conclusion. It clearly sums up the papers meaning. The Proposals do seem beneficial. I think if you expanded on what the survey would include could help this paper. Jeremy
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
I really like your topic for entering the conversation. I agree with you on that students should be taught about cyber bullying and internet safety at a earlier stage to prevent it from happening as they age. Christina Cao
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
You have done an exceptional job of presenting what you are contributing to the conversation. On the other hand, what you have not done is inform the reader about why this contribution is necessary and useful. I would suggest you say what the benefits of educating students about cyberbullying actually are and why your class would be effective. Luke Langley
Page 18: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

A Parent’s Guide to Internet Safety. (2005, June 3). Retrieved November 2, 2015. Cyber Bullying Statistics 2014. (2014, February 24). Retrieved November 3, 2015. CyberBully and CyberGossip: A New Threat to Your Teen? (n.d.). Retrieved November 2, 2015. Finkelhor, D., & Mitchell, K. (2001, March 1). Highlights of the Youth Internet Safety Survey. Retrieved November 3, 2015.

Hochberg, A. (2007, September 17). Back to School: Reading, Writing and Internet Safety. Retrieved November 3, 2015.

O'Keeffe, G., & Clark-Pearson, K. (2011, March 28). Clinical Report-The Impact of of Social Media on Children, Adolescents, and Families. Retrieved November 2, 2015.

Tate, Ryann. “Assignment 1: Gossip Girl Observation.” (6, Oct. 2015). UWRT-1104-007. University of North Carolina at Charlotte. Notes. Retrieved November 2, 2015 Willard, N. (2005). Educator’s Guide to Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats. Retrieved November 2, 2015.

Page 19: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

The Impact of the Marching Band

Jeremy Williams

University of North Carolina Charlotte

Introduction

The entertainment provided by the marching band is well known and loved nationwide.

They perform visually pleasing formations, and play familiar exciting music. The marching band

is a key aspect of entertainment. The Marching band not only creates happiness in the performers

themselves but to all who hears the music they produce and the shows they perform. The Pride of

the Niner Nation Marching Band is a prime example of this.

The UNC Charlotte “Pride of Niner Nation” Marching Band took the field in its inaugural

season this fall 2015. It consist of students from each of the eight colleges here at UNCC. This

group contains about 150 musicians. They entertain audiences at all of the home football games

and many other places and events such as parades, homecoming events, and ribbon cutting

ceremonies.

There are multiple reasons I relate to this topic. I chose this topic because of my love of

music. I am also a part of this band so I thought this would be a good group of people to write

about. My paper is explaining the importance of the marching band. With this paper I’m trying to

inform a general audience of the real life behind the band. This paper is explaining that, as great

as the marching band is, there is more to a marching band than just the performance.

Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
You have made a good start to the introduction of your paper. In order to allow the reader to gain a better understanding of your prospective on the band perhaps you could explain your personal experiences for example, you could write about how long you have been in the band. You could also answer questions the reader might have such as how they can join the band. Luke Langley
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
This paragraph provides lots of factual information that gives the reader vital knowledge for what your paper is about. I would suggest that you cite the information in order to avoid plagiarism for example, where did you discover that the group contains 'about 150 musicians'? I would also suggest you discuss the music that the band plays for example, where did the music originate from and how long has the band been playing the music? Does the music they play have significant meaning to UNCC? Luke Langley
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
To improve your introduction, maybe you should give a first hand account of what happens before the band members go on to the field. You can talk about the emotions, the crowd, the weather. This will hook your reader more. Ryann Tate
Page 20: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

Literature Review

The Observations written by myself show the importance of the work done by the marching band

to create a great show to please an audience. It clearly shows that marching band is a job and it

brings students closer together within the program. [1]

The movie is a perfect example of how much Crowds enjoy the marching band. They get

everyone excited and hype and ready to dance. There is a whole movie based off of it. Although

the movie is more focused on the drumline itself, the rest of the band is featured plenty of times

and the crowds go wild. It is almost as if the band is what the people go to the games for. Also

within the movie there may be some struggles but in the end everyone is close and love each

other. This may not be a true story but it is very close to what I actually see in Marching Band

Programs. [2]

This video “The Pride of Niner Nation Marching Band Debut” shows the excitement of the

higher up supporters of the band. Not only are students getting excited but the staff and the

people who built the program as well. This video shows the importance of the band and

traditions created by the band. Tradition is also important when bringing people together. It

builds school spirit and pride. [3]

The article “Why Music? Why Band?” explains in depth the way that the band effects not only

people outside of the band but the people inside too. It explains more personal aspects such as

how does music help you beyond the band world. Some people say it wouldn’t but it does bring

out another side of you that everyone doesn’t have. [4]

An issue that had been discussed for a long time is talked about in the article “Why Music? Why

Band?” That issue is whether marching band should be considered a sport or not. I absolutely

think it should and this article better explains why. It explains the physical aspects behind a

Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
You've cited your sources very well. Maybe you could elaborate more on some of your sections in the lit review. I think it will further the argument that you are presenting.Ryann Tate
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
You should include what kind of traditions the band creates. For example, does the band play the same song for every home game as a tradition? This would help give some visual details for readers understanding how tradition is important. Christina Cao
Christina Cao, 11/06/15,
You should include what movie you are referencing. It is confusing to the reader not knowing what movie exactly you are talking about. Adding the movie title would definitely clear things up.Christina Cao
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
It is good that you have contained citations for your sources in your literature review as this allows the reader to read your sources should they want to learn more about your topic. Is this citation style really correct for your major? For example, if you are using APA you should reference the authors name and the date of publication. It should look something like (Williams 2015). Luke Langley
Page 21: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

“sport” and the band and gives you a clear understanding of why it should be considered one as

well. [5]

The “Marching band as a sport theory” is well explained in the American Sports: A History of

Icons, Idols, and Ideas article. This article goes in more depth to say that engaging in the

uplifting of traditions helps to consider this a sport as well. This article also gets more technical

letting readers know there is more to the band than walking around. It explains the parts in the

band that could be seen as “rules and regulations” in another sport. [6]

The blog post 18 Lessons Marching Band Teaches Our Kids Source is a Blog post written by a

parent. I backs up the effects that marching band has on the actual members of the band. This

post explains more perks of doing marching band. It explains and effect that music has on

people. It says that music affects the brain keeping it strong and active, especially as a player. It

also shows how the band established discipline, teamwork, time management, resilience,

flexibility, respect, manners, and more. [7]

Entering the Conversation

The idea that everyone loves the band is not necessarily true. As a member of the band everyone

may not know that there are indeed people against the band. The hate actually occurs at practices

as well as performances. The amount of work required by the band comes with a large amount of

practice and society takes fire at the band through social media. They send out comments such as

“why is the band practicing so early, I’m trying to sleep,” and “why is the band practicing while

I’m studying again?” One person even said that they wouldn’t mind not having a band because

their sleep was “cut short.”

Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
I like that you included this statement. I totally identify with this statement because I am one of those people. I don't send out comments but I do yell at you in my room. Ryann Tate
Christina Cao, 11/07/15,
The topic you choose to write about in this section is relate table to many people. This topic will for sure get your readers hooked to read it and see your side as a band member. It shows to people who hate in the band to look at it through a different perspective.Christina Cao
Christina Cao, 11/07/15,
I like how you included sources to support that band should be considered a sport. I thought that was really interesting. It is definitely a new and different topic that isn't usually talked about. Bring in new information to talk/write about makes the paper more interesting.Christina Cao
Page 22: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

It’s not good to focus on the bad side of things but in this case this is something not many people

talk or know about. That is how I’m adding to this conversation. The types of negative comments

received are based off of the music played mainly. Some people don’t appreciate the styles of

music played. That is why there are multiple shows performed to accommodate everyone’s likes.

We receive comments like “What you guys need to play is___!” it’s not too bad. They are

basically recommendations but it sometimes makes you feel unappreciated.

Despite the negative opinions of the band and their practices I found that there are way more

people appreciative of the band. They don’t mind waking up to the sound of the band. We often

get people outside of the band to counter the negative comments. The band appreciates these

people and works even harder in practice to please the fans. They say things like “hey at least the

band is doing something with their life and not sleeping all day,” or “hey guys stop complaining

about the band, they are doing this for us.” This is motivation for the band.

Some people don’t consider the marching band to be a sport or even an athletic activity. Most

people don’t see what the band goes through when they make those kinds of comments.

Members of the band always encounter those people who say that what we do is not athletic. He

are quick to prove them wrong. They just stating just as much time, effort, energy, practice time

is used in the band as “actual sport.”

From personal experience and my piers experience, I have found that the band does physically

impact you. During the marching band season I lose weight then maintain a solid weight for the

remainder of the season. I also gain lots of leg, back and hand muscles during the course of the

season. I have seen people drop 10 or more pounds from the marching. Marching band can also

affect how you think. It gives you a different perspective on school and changes your focus and

productivity.

Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
I don't really know how this and the other negative comments about the band aids your argument for the band. Maybe you should direct more attention to the positive aspects of the band. If you do so, I think it will make your purpose clearer for the reader. Ryann Tate
Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
To expand more on the entering the conversation segment of this paper perhaps you could suggest something such as holding a meeting where people can discuss with the band the factors they do not like. This would push the research forwards as it would allow the band to meet students demands and consequently potentially make a larger number of people happier. This is good because it would lead to the band becoming more successful and potentially be able to grow even more. Luke Langley
Page 23: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

The Collegiate Marching Band is an important aspect in college. More specifically an important

factor in college sports. The Marching band not only creates happiness in the performers

themselves but to all who hears the music they produce and the shows hey perform. The Pride of

the Niner Nation Marching Band is a prime example of this. The marching band is also a major

symbol of tradition within the school. The marching band works hard and never fails to get the

crowd and the players pumped up for game day and other events that may happen throughout

campus and the community. The marching band uses music to bring people closer together.

Lastly Music is not only good for the listener but for the producer as well.

So far this conversation has only discussed the basic comments of performances. It also explains

the basic physical impacts of the marching band. My contribution adds a more real relatable

aspect to the conversation. People need to know what the goes through and maybe their outlook

on the band will change and cause a greater appreciation of them.

References

[1] J. Williams, “Interview, Observations,” in UWRT 1104 Assignment One Observations,

Charlotte, North Carolina, 2015.

[2] C. Stone III, Drumline. United States: 20th Century Fox, 2002.

[3] UNCC Music Dept., Pride of Niner Nation Marching Band Debut, United States: Youtube,

University of North Carolina Charlotte, 2015.

[4] T. Lautzenheiser, “Why Music? Why Band?,” Music Advocacy, 2010.

Luke Langley, 11/06/15,
You have done a good of summarising your contribution to the research. To improve perhaps you could say why your research is 'relatable'. You could also expand the part where you talk about the tradition of the marching band by saying what values band members hold and why it is a tradition.
Ryann Tate, 11/07/15,
Overall, you argued well about the importance of the band throughout your paper. Your conclusion does well in summarizing the "entering the conversation" part of your paper.Ryann Tate
Page 24: Assignment Two Peer Commentary

[5] E. R, “Marching Band Should Be Considered a Sport,” Teen Ink.

[6] M. R. Nelson, “Marching Band,” in American sports: A history of icons, idols, and ideas,

US: ABC-CLIO, 2013, pp. 776–779.

[7] P. Ray, “18 Lessons Marching Band Teaches Our Kids: A Parent’s Perspective”, Nation

Association of Music Parents (AMP), 2013.