Assertiveness art of being tactful
-
Upload
padmesh1 -
Category
Health & Medicine
-
view
1.951 -
download
2
Transcript of Assertiveness art of being tactful
![Page 1: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
AssertivenessThe Art Of Being Tactful
![Page 2: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/2.jpg)
2
Learning Objectives
Understand & Distinguish the difference between Assertive, Aggressive, Passive Behaviors.
Improve Self-Awareness and recognize one’s improvement areas.
Learn techniques to be Assertive, saying ‘NO’ - setting boundaries.
Handling ‘sensitive’/ ‘heated’ / ‘potentially disruptive’ conversations
How to offer Win-Win Solutions?
2
![Page 3: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/3.jpg)
3
Activity: The Balloon Fight
Activity: Group Activity
Time: 5 Mins
Instructions:
•Everyone gets a balloon.
• Destroy all other teams balloons
Scoring:
•Destroying the balloon: 1 point
•Being the last team with maximum inflated balloons: 3 Points
3
![Page 4: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/4.jpg)
4
Defining Assertive
• Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s feelings and assert one’s rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others.
• Assertive communication is appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies one’s needs to the other person.
• Assertiveness is a skill that can be learned.
• Assertiveness should not be confused with aggression.
4
Rights
Outcome Behaviour
Situation
Self Talk
Expectation
![Page 5: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/5.jpg)
5
Assertive Vs Aggressive
Expression of ones feelings, needs and rights without regard/respect for needs, rights and feelings of others.
5
Expression of ones feelings and assert one’s rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others.
Appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies one’s needs to the other person.
Employ disrespectful, manipulative, demeaning, or abusive tactics
Make negative assumptions others motives and think in retaliatory terms
Win- Lose
Aggressor goals not always achieved
Stressed relationships with others and self
Win- Win
Goals met or negotiated
Rich & enduring interpersonal relationships
Assume the best about others. Treat with dignity.
ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVE
![Page 6: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/6.jpg)
6
When Can You Be Assertive?
6
When You
Want something Don’t Want Something
Are Happy Are Angry
Want to give feedback Want to Negotiate
Are Hurt Face Criticism
![Page 7: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/7.jpg)
7
What Will It Do For You?
• Helps you become self confident
• Increase Self – Esteem
• Gain Respect of others
• Improve Communication Skills
• Improve Decision Making Ability
7
![Page 8: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/8.jpg)
8
Behavior Types: Self Assessment
8
Passive Aggressive
Passive Aggressive
Assertive
![Page 9: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/9.jpg)
9
A Person Exhibiting Passive Behavior
• Communicates inferiority.
• Often feels ‘used’ by others, keeps quiet when others take advantage.
• Does not complain when product/services are sub-standard.
• Is reluctant to express opinions and feelings, keeps his/her own views private.
• Finds it difficult to say ‘NO’ to others when demands are made on time/resources.
• Agrees with the ‘majority’ views/desires, even though they conflict with personal wishes
9
![Page 10: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/10.jpg)
10
Why Do People Behave Passively?
• Fear of Upsetting Others
• Fear of Rejection
• Feel responsible for others feelings
• Inappropriate Inner Voices
(Usually from past experiences or childhood)
10
![Page 11: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/11.jpg)
11
Passive Thought Patterns
1. Self Defeating Games
I. Filtering
II. Peronalizing
III. Generalizing
IV. Dooms Daying
V. Labeling
VI. Mind- Reading
2. Circle of Musts
3. Prison of Inappropriate Obligation
11
![Page 12: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/12.jpg)
12
About Success and Failure
12
Negative thoughtsabout self
Low Self EsteemActual Failure
Expectations to Fail
Positive thoughtsabout self
High Self EsteemActual Success
Expectations to Succeed
Failure
Success
![Page 13: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/13.jpg)
13
A Person Exhibiting Aggressive Behavior
Communicates an impression of superiority and disrespect for others’ views.
Often argues, gets angry and thinks others should be ‘put in their place’.
Has no problem complaining when expectations are not met.
Usually gets their ‘own way’ in situations.
Expects others to accommodate them
Has strong views on subjects & no problem expressing them.
Finds fault with others easily and often.
13
![Page 14: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/14.jpg)
14
A Person Exhibiting Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Appears passive on the surface but is really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect or ‘behind the scenes’ way.
Usually feels powerless, stuck, resentful, and incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentment.
Uses facial expressions that don’t match how they feel, e.g. smiling when angry.
Uses sarcasm.
Denies that there is a problem.
Appears cooperative while purposely being annoying & disruptive.
14
![Page 15: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/15.jpg)
15
A Person Exhibiting Assertive Behavior
Can express his/her own desires, feelings, needs & concerns to others with minimum embarrassment to all.
Can control own feelings & emotions even when difficult.
Aware of needs and desires of others.
Can converse and work well with people at all levels.
Can appreciate views of others and accept reasonable views.
Can disagree with others and continue to retain friendship and respect, “Agree to Disagree”.
Able to yield to others without feeling inadequate.
Can refuse a request without feeling guilty or obliged.
15
![Page 16: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/16.jpg)
16
Assertive Behavior: The Bill of Assertive Rights
1. I have the right to judge my own behaviour, thoughts, and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequence.
2. I have the right to offer neither reason nor excuse to justify my behaviour.
3. I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to others' problems.
4. I have the right to change my mind.
5. I have the right to say, ``I don't know.''
16
My Righ
ts
![Page 17: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/17.jpg)
17
The Bill of Assertive Rights
6. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
7. I have the right to be independent of the good will of others before coping with them.
8. I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
9. I have the right to say, ``I don't understand.''
10. I have the right to say, ``I don't care.''
17
My Righ
ts
![Page 18: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/18.jpg)
18
Activity: Overcoming Roadblocks to Assertiveness
Activity: Group Activity
Time: 10 Mins
Instructions:
•Study the Roadblocks to Assertiveness on Page __of your participant handout.
• Develop an assertive counterpart for each roadblock.
18
![Page 19: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/19.jpg)
19
The Assertive Conversation: LADDER
Look at your needs, wants, rights & feelings about the situation. Establish a goal for what you wish to accomplish.
19
L
A
D
D
E
R
Arrange a meeting that is convenient, where you and the other person can speak comfortably.
Define the problem clearly to the other person. Be specific
Describe your feelings with “I” messages that let you take responsibility for your feelings, not blaming others for how you feel.
Express and explain your remarks in an assertive manner using clear sentences. Be aware of your eye contact, hand gestures, posture, voice tone, facial expression.
Reinforce your remarks by noting the positive outcomes.
![Page 20: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/20.jpg)
20
The ''I" Statement
‘I’ statements are among the most powerful you can make, for yourself and others.
In ‘I’ statements you are affirming who you are & what you want.
Using them is the hallmark of assertiveness.
The ways in which ‘I’ statements can be used: Situation Interpretation and understanding Feelings and emotions Wants and needs Future actions
20
![Page 21: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/21.jpg)
21
Generating Win Win Solutions
1. Identify your problem and unmet needs
2. Set a specific time to deal with conflict (one that puts both parties in a positive climate)
3. Describe problem and needs
4. Check back with other, in order to ensure understanding
5. Ask other what his or her needs are
6. Paraphrase to make sure you understood
7. Negotiate a solution
8. Follow up on solution that was decided upon
21
![Page 22: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/22.jpg)
22
Negotiating a Solution Together
1. Identify and define conflict
2. Generate a number of possible solutions together
3. Evaluate the alternative solutions together
4. Decide on the best solutions together
Ask the following questions:
• What do we want in common?
• What can we achieve that would put each of us in a somewhat more advantageous position?
• What does each party contribute to the success of the other?
• What can we compromise?
22
![Page 23: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/23.jpg)
23
Employing Tact
Tact is more than the words a person chooses to use.
It is the entire behavior that is displayed during an interaction. It is the ability to listen, refrain from negative judgments, and demonstrate empathy and understanding for other individuals
Tips on developing the art of using Tact:
• Think before you speak
• Consider the other person's viewpoint and acknowledge it.
• Consider cultural differences and try to act in a sensitive way without being asked.
• Be discreet. Especially when delivering constructive feedback.
• Be gracious even when you're irritated. Keep your cool.
• Deflect negative comments
• Think of positive things to say.
• Be neutral if pressed
23
![Page 24: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/24.jpg)
24
Assertiveness Techniques: Giving Assertive Instruction
The process of asking for what you want is very simple.
The components are:
1. The person’s name
2. What you want
3. Why you want it
4. When you want it AND
5. The assumptive ‘Thank you’
24
![Page 25: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/25.jpg)
25
Assertiveness Techniques: Negative Assertion
• Negative assertion is where you use the power of your protagonist to turn the situation to your advantage.
• Here, all you do is accept the part of the statement, name or label that is true, in a matter of fact way.
Example1 :
• Other: ‘If you think that, you must be stupid’• You: ‘I admit I’m not the brightest
person around’
Example 2:
• Other: ‘And you are always making mistakes’• You: ‘Yes, I do make mistakes occasionally’
25
![Page 26: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/26.jpg)
26
Assertiveness Techniques: Fogging
Used when someone is putting pressure on you to do something that is not in your best interest, and you would rather not do it.
Process:
- Listen to what the person says, decide whether you wish to comply.
- If not, then using their words, or similar, acknowledge their need but state your case.
- This is a very polite method of saying ‘No’.
Example:
Other: ‘I want it now’
You: ‘I can see why you would want that but my priority is ....’
26
![Page 27: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/27.jpg)
27
Assertiveness Techniques: The Power Of Saying No
A List To Consult Before Saying Yes:
• Do I really want this or am I pleasing someone else?
• What is the benefit to me of saying ‘yes’?
• What is the cost of saying ‘no’?
• If I do it will I enjoy it?
• Do I have to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ right now; is it to my advantage to delay my decision?
• How do I feel about the request?
• Do I need more information before I make my decision?
• Do I want an alternative?
27
![Page 28: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/28.jpg)
28
How to Say No
• Just say ‘no’. Do not preface it with an ‘I’m sorry but ...’ or tentative language ‘I would really like to but ...’
• Give an explanation of your feelings: ‘It does not feel right to ...’, ‘I don’t like to ...’, ‘I would feel compromised to ...’
• Give an explanation of your reasons: ‘Because I must do such and such’, ‘Because I am already committed’, ‘Because I don’t have the time’
• If appropriate thank the person: ‘Thank you for thinking of me’, ‘Thank you for the invitation’
28
![Page 29: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/29.jpg)
29
So Remember
• I Statements
• A respectful tone of voice
• Eye-Contact
• Appropriate Body Language
• Clear organised ideas
• Facts at hand
29
![Page 30: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/30.jpg)
30
Activity: Role Play
Activity: Paired Activity
Time:
Role Play 7 Mins each
Feedback: 3 Mins each
Instructions:
• Participants to sit in pairs
• Each participants states a situation in which they need to be assertive.
• Participant to use assertive skills and role play the scenario with partner
• Partner to give feedback
30
![Page 31: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/31.jpg)
31
WE CAN ALL BE ASSERTIVE
WITH A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE
AND
A LOT OF PRACTICE
31
![Page 32: Assertiveness art of being tactful](https://reader033.fdocuments.in/reader033/viewer/2022042513/5550c827b4c90599308b4752/html5/thumbnails/32.jpg)
32
Leading People. Leading Organizations.
Thank you
®
32