Ash Shaheed (Revised Book)

7/31/2019 Ash Shaheed (Revised Book)

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AshShaheed

The Witness

Based on a true storyThe story of my life

By: Umar Al Mujahid Abdur-RasheedFormerly

Anthony Navarro


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-Zzzzz Zzzzz Zzzzz

-Anthony!-Huh? Zzzzzzz

-Yo, Ant!

-Wha? Zzzzzzz

-Yo Ant come on man!.......... Anthony!

-Yooo damn kid.. what time is it?

-Late enough kid, cmon!

-Aight aight, gimme a minute.

Stories. stories. Everyone and they mother got a story to tell. I aint no different,

just another story teller tryna fill you in. Only difference is, this is the story of mylife. my life up until the point where this pen touches this pad. How it started and

where its at today. All truth, no fiction. I aint into that fake stuff. What you read is

what I lived, whether you believe it or not, whether you hate it or love it. So

remember. If youre offended by any of this, that was not my intention..Im just

telling my story the way it happened..

-You see him?

-Yeah, he right there.

-He alone?


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-I think so.

-You got that?

-Yeah, it aint loaded though.-What?! Why not?!

-Nigga, you was rushing me and I grabbed the wrong bullets!

-Damn son, never mind. You better hope he aint strapped!

-Dont worry kid, I got this. You ready?

-Yeah.

-Masks on? Aight, lets do this!

(Both)

- Yo son get down! Get down and shut up! Where the money at?! Where the

money?! Take it off son! Take it all off, dont be a hero! Dont be stupid and lose ya

life over paper kid!.....

It was the summer of 95 in South Queens and man was it hot. I was 12 years old

and me and A Mar was at it again. It seemed every time a new pair of sneakers or

something came out and we didnt have the funds to go get it, another somebody got

stuck up. When you come from here, the more you got the more pull you had and man

we was yanking it from everyone! Our parents couldnt afford it, so to take some slack

off of them.. we did it ourselves.

Mine wasnt a broken home like in all the movies. We was cool. It was me, my little

brother Tommy boy, my mother and step father who I looked at as my real pops. He


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stepped in when the nigga who gave me my last name. and my mom black eyes

stepped off and for that.. he gets all the respect in the world. We had dreams

and goals of bettering ourselves the working class way and doing the right thing,

but that wasnt coming fast enough for young me. I was impatient and had to have itand have it now.

Now, A Mar was like my big brother. We started off on the same Baseball team and

ended up running the streets together. He basically taught me the ropes and on how

not to get killed while doing your dirt. Youll see the irony in this later on. He was a

hard core Latin King and couldnt keep himself out of trouble long enough to play afull season. Me on the other hand, sports were my way out the projects and I

practiced and played every day. In between weed breaks here and there. The weed

smoke didnt slow me down a bit; I guess I was just naturally gifted like that.

-Phfff phfff

-Damn nigga, dont smoke it all.

-Man shut up, I got you.

-You keep smoking so much you aint gon make that team you sweatin.

-Oh you mean the city all-star team? Ha haa, Yo, check this out.

-Ooooooh sweat! Yeah my nigga, I knew youd get it! Damn, they got your picture

in the paper and everything! I bet you on yourself now huh? Dont think Ima besweatin you for no autographs.

-Ha haa, Yeah, they called me three days ago. I leave to go to Florida for training

camp next spring.. March or something.


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-Damn son, you know I heard them Florida shorties is bad.

-Yeah well, we gon find out.

-Nah nigga YOU gon find out. Yeah!!! My homie Ant doing big things and gon bethe first nigga out the hood since Nas!!!

I was in so I thought. It turns out that they dont like convicted felons on their team

and neglected to do a background check until after the paper had come out. I messed

this up big time. Everyone was so proud of me and I felt like I had let them down.

Especially my moms. Aggravated, frustrated and just straight up pissed off I hit the

streets with a vengeance. Fights were a daily occurrence; phone calls from the police

station were a weekly thing in my house. I felt like the world wasnt gonna give me a

chance because of a few mistakes. How else did they expect me to better myself? I

mean, I was still only 13 or so and I felt like they were gonna rob me of my future. So I

lashed out. My poor mother thought she was doing somethingwrong with me. not

realizing that this was the worlds fault and not hers.

-Where did I go wrong with you?!

-Who says theres anything wrong, I just got into a fight.

-Anthony just a fight?! Yeah, just a fight today! What about breaking and entering,

robbery, possession of a weapon, assault, not to mention cutting out on school

whenever you feel like it! Dont you realize all this goes on your permanent record?

-They can record it all they want, I dont care. I aint gonna sit back while some fool

disrespects me, plus Im gon play pro ball someday anyway and the only records they

gonna keep is how many homeruns I hit.


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-Thats the problem, you dont care! When are you gonna start caring?! When you

get cut from every team cuz youre in prisonand cant play? Then what are you gonna

do, huh?! End up like your father, an alcoholic and drug addict?!... Where do you

think youre going?!-Out!

-The streets arent gonna solve your problems!

-Well, they better than being in here right now.

Yeah, obeying authority was one of my biggest problems. I just couldnt do it even ifmy life depended on it, especially when I feel like they not being fair with me. So

anyway, my mother came up with a solution.Catholic school. As if a bunch of priests

and nuns were supposed to get me to see the light, and save me from myself. It was a

joke to me and my boys never let me hear the end of it, especially the part about me

having to wear a corny lil prep uniform. Yeah, go on and laugh and then get slapped

like they all did!

The school was whack! Saint Mary Gate of Heaven it was called. Besides the

uniforms, priests and nuns, the students were majority white, rich and spoiled. Here I

am Puerto Rican, poor and not tolerant.. AT ALL. And Im in the mix of all this!

The guys were terrified of me and the girls thought I was something new, sexy and

exciting.. I might like it here after all, I thought to myself. Every day we had Bible

class and religion. There was a church on the school grounds so they spent a lot oftime there. Me on the other hand, I spent most of the time either in detention or the

principals office.


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Now hold up, I know what youre thinking.. he just cant stay out of trouble, but

youre wrong. I actually tried to do the right thing here. These kids werent street or a

threat to me and they didnt need to get robbed because they gave me whatever I

wanted anyway.. in return for friendship that is. I had it made, but this time I wasgetting in trouble for not understanding. I mean, I believed in God, but I also believed

in making sense. If its facts and truth, its gotta make sense right?! Yeah, thats what I

thought too..

-If the Old Testament says God is one, how come in the New Testament they

saying God has a son and we need to praise him? Since when does He reproduce.And with who?!?!

-Because Jesus is His son and the light. God doesnt need anyone to have a child,

He can just do it.

-But how do we know this? How come no Prophet ever came down and said God

has a son, keep an eye out for him? And how come were supposed to pray to Jesus

and not God Himself?

-Because Jesus is the way and God also.

-Wait, What?!?!?! Hes God too? How many gods we got?

-Only one.

-But you just said..

-Anthony, you must have faith in the divine words of the Bible because theyre fromGod and they are absolute truth!

-So.. I just gotta believe, even though this makes zero sense to me?


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-It doesnt make sense because youre being skeptical and not just opening your

heart to the Lord.

-But you just said Jesus is the son AND God at the same time! So what makes

him the son and what makes him God?

-Hes the son because he was born from the virgin mother Mary and hes God

because he is one part of the Trinity. Remember the Trinity is one God but in three

different forms.

-Umm ok. Im glad that makes sense to you?!?!? But if hes the son of God

because of not being born to a mother AND father, then what about Adam and

Eve? They both didnt have afather OR a mother for that matter? Shouldnt theyhold higher rank than Jesus?

-No, because God says in John 3:16 that God loved the world so much that He

gave to us His ONLY begotten son.

-Still dont make no sense, but whatever. Explain the Trinity for me.

-One God, three different forms. Its simple.

-To be honest, Christianity sounds more like a brainwashed cult than the followers

of a perfect religion.

-What?! How dare you say that!!! Go to Mr. Scanells office NOW!!!

God was perfect in my eyes and anything that He does or did was gonna be the

same. Perfect. This was a reasonable assumption I thought, but it turns out thatthinking logically was a crime in Christianity. God had created Heaven and Hell, but

then His son comes down and dies for everyones sins. If that was the case, then

why were we all wasting our time here on this earth and not committing worldwide

suicide on our way to the biggest party the universe has ever seen? Got in trouble for


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that one too. But I was so used to getting in trouble here, I was almost part of the

principals daily schedule. It wasnt just my teachers, I had even managed to piss off the

holy men of the church. I was kinda proud of that one to be honest. That was like an

achievement or something.

-So my son, when was your last confession?

-Last? I never had a first one.

-You never confessed your sins?!

-I never snitched on kats I hated, now Im supposed to rat on myself?!

-Its not a matter of ratting on yourself Anthony, you tell me your sins and I ask

God to forgive you.

-Im cool man; I dont even know you like that.

-Im giving you an opportunity to wipe away your sins and start off clean.

-How do you know I sinned at all? Maybe Im a perfect lil angel. besides I thoughtJesus did that for me already. See, you dont even believe that garbage story.

-He sacrificed himself for us and you call this a garbage story?

-Im just saying.. Yesterday I read in the Bible.. In Bible class, that no man shall

be responsible for another mans actions. But now Jesus did it and Im supposed to

believe that?! Im sorry but, everyone here tells me that the Bible is straight from God

and is His commandments to mankind and what youre telling me is CLEARYopposite of what I read yesterday. Im not buying it.

-Listen, you little bastard, Jesus died for our sins and thats that, but if you dont

want to repent and end up burning in Hell then be my guest!


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-Oh were cursing now? Why you mad? Why you mad pops? Was it something I said

to you? Or maybe its cuz a kid got you stumbling over your own beliefs?! I aint falling

for that Ill pass on the message, dont worry Jesus got you nonsense.

-Go to Mr. Scanells office NOW!!!

You see a trend starting here? I rejected the church at 14. How could I trust a bunch

of people, who I felt had zero knowledge and with zero answers to help me pass this

great test of life? Even at 14 I was too smart to be hustled into believing that Jesus

is God story. It just didnt add up to me. Either way, I was a rebel without a cause

and these so called believers and scholars didnt help none. A young kid like melooking for answers wasnt really expecting to hear the word faith at every corner.

After all, what kind of an answer is just have faith .to the kinda questions I was

asking? To me that meant, I dont know, so shut up and just accept it already! And

on the streets answers are always demanded, like who killed A Mar?...

Me and A had just got off the L train coming from Brooklyn. It was about 11 or 12at night and niggas was tired and tryna get something to eat before calling it a night.

But where we was at, Liberty Ave, was dead at this time.

-Yo son, you see them new Fila sneakers with the straps? I gots to get me a pair of

those.

-Nah son, them new low cut Nikes that Bob Sneaker Corner got is fire!

-What ever kid, you stay on them Nikes.

-You know it.


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-One day we gonna get up outa here and have it all my nigga.

-No doubt.

-And the world gon be our projects! Just make sure you stop getting locked up, cuzIm riding your Baseball ticket with you, haa haaaa.

-Haaa, gold diggin ass nigga. Yeah, where ever we at is the hood.

- (both laughing)

As we turned the corner to 104th street, someone was coming the opposite way. He

had on a bubble jacket and a hoodie with the hood madd low so I couldnt see his face.

He bumped in to A Mar and three shots rang off. Before I could realize what had

just happened, A Mar fell into my arms with his sweater soaking in blood. I looked

back and homeboy had run up the stairs to the train and hopped the gate. He was on

the train and out!!! A Mars eyes were rolling into the back of his head. He was trying

to talk but couldnt. I didnt know what to do, I mean I seen people get shot before,

but really.. I didnt care what happened to them. This was A Mar though, I couldnt

lose him.

-Yo A, hold on baby. We gon get help.

-Yo son..

-Dont talk, just chill out. SOMEBODY CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!!!!

-Ant..I..

-Dont worry kid, you gon bounce back from this, for real! SOMEBODY

HELP!!!!


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- (choking and coughing up blood)

-A hold on baby, hold on, dont you die on me nigga, A MAR!!!

The streets were dead and who had cell phones back then? Not me! Some people

had rushed over, but only after they realized that it wasnt a shootout. A Mar died in

my arms before the ambulance had arrived. He had been shot three times in the chest

and died from internal bleeding. He was 16 years old. I never found out who killed

him.. I guess it was better that way.. cuz only God knows what I wouldve done. I

was 15 and on a mission of self destruction. It was hard for me to care about much

those days. A Mar wasnt like my brother, he WAS my brother! Just because anigga aint your blood dont mean he cant be your fam. The worst part was that he was

taken from me before I could even tell him I loved him like that. We both knew it, but

the streets have a way of forcing you to hold back emotions, especially good ones.

especially love.

With A Mar gone, I felt like.....I dont even know what I felt like, I was numb. I hadforgotten how to smile and had no tears left to shed. I had other homeboys, but none

of them was A. I would spend hours just staring in the sky wondering where he was?

What does he see right now? How does it feel to be on the other side? It killed me

that I didnt know the answers to these questions, so I searched for them. I read up on

every religion I could find a book on. All the different versions of Christianity,

Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Satanism (yeah, that too), and even religions I cant

remember the names of. The thing was that. none of them was that perfect wayof life that I knew God had created. I still had no answers because they each had their

own flaws.


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You have to be born into Judaism and cant convert. I thought that was kinda unfair

to the rest of us. There are over 170 different Bibles and like 83 different Christian

denominations with new Bibles and churches popping up every year. If they cant

agree on it then I aint tryna help them figure it out. Hinduism got way too manygods. I would have never been able to figure out whose turn it was to pray to that day.

There were religions of the sea, where people believe in mermaids and mermen. Im

sorry but MY Paradise aint under the sea. There were people who worshipped

spirits and ghosts and stuff. And even people who worshipped stuff like cows, trees,

stars and everything you could think of. My God was too good to be here in the

creation. I was so confused I just gave up. I had NO religion and was perfectly fine

with that. I figured Id just acknowledge that there was a God and hope for the bestwhen I died as I continued on my journey in this life.

-Anthony, we decided that were moving.

-What?... To where?

-Weve been looking at a few places out in Long Island and we found one that we

really like.

-Long Island? Wait wait wait.. you want me to leave Queens and move out to Long

Island? Youre crazy.

-So this is where you wanna live out your life? This place that took the life of your

best friend and other friends? This place where people wanna kill you for no reason?

Trust me, I hear what goes on with you out there. My God Anthony, youre 16 and

Im terrified of you being murdered or arrested every time you leave the house. Is this

how you want me to live, in constant fear of something happening to you? Think

about your future. Wouldnt you rather live in a place where you dont have to worry

about whos behind you and where you can just focus on Baseball? Youre so

talented; dont be like the rest of these fools who throw their life away fortheir


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friends, cuz trust me in a few years you wont care about each other. Friends come

and go, listen to what Im telling you. Im your mother and I love you.

-Yeahyea, I hear you ma.. Aight. Ima go with you guys.

That thrilled my mother and I was happy to finally do something to make her smile. My

family moved out to the suburbs about three months later. I stayed an extra month or

so just to throw people off. They saw my family leaving, but I was still around. I didnt

tell nobody, cuz lets face it, niggas were not well wishers where I came from.. and I

was liable to get shot or stabbed for being a chump and leaving the hood. It was like

disrespectful to all them who couldnt leave; it was like we were all supposed tostruggle together or something. New York was funny like that. What was even more

funny was that the place that killed my brother and others, where my life was almost

taken, where crooked cops on a power trip made life hell, where you develop a nervous

twitch and demeanor like a damn crack head was the only place I knew. and with

all the people in the world who are terrified to come to places like this I was

probably the one person in the world afraid to leave it..

-So you really going, huh

-Yeah man. You aint tell nobody did you?

-Nah kid, why Ima set you up like that, you know we fam nigga.

-Aight cool, good looking out.

-But you know once you get it poppin out there, you gotta introduce me to them

burb white girls, Aaaaagh.

-Haaa, yall niggas stay lovin them Suzies. I aint mad at cha, white girls need lovin

too now, heh heh heh


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-The boys gon miss you kid.

-Ima miss yall, trust that. We gon stay up though, I aint going too far.

-Yeah, you say that, but well see.-Yeah, youllsee..

Fast forward fiveyears.

Im back at it again. I guess the saying is true, you can take the nigga out the hood,but you cant take the hood out the nigga. I played ball up until College, but the

schedule was too demanding and I didnt have time to make no money. Moms couldnt

pay my bills or feed my appetite for material things. So that was the end of Baseball.

It was ok, cuz I started playing my old favorite sport again. Drug dealing..Now, for

some reason them suburb kids love drugs and maaaaan, I loved selling it to them. I ran

with this Dominican kid Victor, who lived on my block. We used to do stick ups.. take

the money. buy cocaine.. cook it into crack. sell that and anything else theywanted and everyone was happy. Give or take a few white boys, who would get

robbed around the same time every month. We had a beautiful routine going and not

one run in with the law. Business was good in Long Island, but I was getting tired of

this life knowing where it eventually ends up and knowing what I had promised my

mother five years back. I needed a reason and a way out and on a cold January night

in 2004, I found it.

-Damn son, I cant believe we got that kid again.

-These kats dont never learn Anyway, how much he have this time?


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-About $2,500 in cash.

-Damn, I dont know how he stay in business when we rob his re-up money every

month.

-Thats that mommy daddy re-up money.

-Word, heh he. Must be nice.

-Hell yeah.Yo spark that L up dook.

-No doubt. Here, son hit this.

-Phffff phffff, (coughing). Damn man, I be thinking some deep stuff sometimes. As I

get older I be more and more zoned out. Sometimes people be talking to me and

its like It dont even faze me.. all I hear is my own thoughts. I think, I think too much.

-I think you need to stop hitting that weed and pass it on.

-For real though, did you ever think about if you could meet one person dead or alive,

who would you wanna meet?

-Yeah, thats easy the Prophet Muhammad.

- Prophet who?!?!

-The Prophet Muhammad. You never heard of THE Prophet before?

-Probably, I told you I be spaced out now.

-He was the final Prophet of Allah.

-Aint Allah the Arab god.

-Nah Allah IS God. Allah literally means The God. Like the one and only,

no partners, sons, daughters, or pet dogs or nothing.


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-Word, I feel that. So when they say Allah, they just talking about God and not

someone else?

-Yeah.

-Aight, that makes sense. So. so, why you wanna meet him so bad?

-You gotta understand one thing He was the perfect example of how were

supposed to be.

-Damn. I bet he didnt sell dope or nothing.

-Shhh, you aint playing. He would probably cut our hands off for robbing homeboy

tonightand hed probably kill him for tryna go buy drugs to sell.

-Damn he was gully like that? Wed be screwed if he saw us.

-Its not him, this is from Allah. Allah sent down the Quran to the Prophet to teach

to us.

-Qurans a book?

-Uhhh..Yes and no. Quran literally means, The recitation. Its like this long..beautiful poem full of stories, commandments, warnings and promises. Everyone was

told to memorize it so they recorded it into a book and thats what we got today.

-You got one? Cuz dawg I been searching for something and have no clue what it is.

Funny thing is.. I never thought about studying Islam. I just thought that was some

Arab tradition and not a religion really.

-Yeah I got one, but you should definitely get your own, cuz you gonna wanna read itall day every day.

-Damn, its like that?!...Yo, just give me a quick run through of Islam real quick.


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-Islam is real simple. Believe in Allah alone.. no other gods or family gods an all that.

Believe in ALL the Prophets Allah sent.. cuz they the best examples we got and

they all came down with the same message. Obey God thats it. Believe in

Paradise and Hell and that on the Day of Judgment you can end up in either one.Believe in the angels and the devils. Pray to Allah five times a day.. and not like the

Christians where they just put their hands together and talk into thin air. Allah has a

way that he wants us to worship Him, but first we have to clean ourselves.

-What? For what?

-You about to stand to worship your Lord, you need to be in your best form!!! You

gonna go see a shorty all sweaty and stinking? Now thats just some skeezer, wetalking about Allah here.

-Yeah, you right but how WE gon be pure?..... we just robbed someone AND we

smoking a blunt!

-Its called wudhu and its a way of washing yourself that washes away sins and

purifies you.

-Damn. I could use that.

-Do you believe in Allah?

-Yeah.

-Do you believe in all of His Prophets and Messengers?

-Yeah

-Do you believer in Paradise and Hell?

-Nigga, what you getting at?!

-Just answer me!!!


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-Yeah, No doubt.

-Do you believe that one day youll have to stand in front of Allah and have to

answer for ALL of your deeds, good and bad?

-Yeah.

-Do you believe in the Quran?

-It sounds on point but I gotta read it first. Wait.howyou know all this about

Islam?

-Cuz Im a Muslim.

-Haaa.

-Not a very good one, but I believe in Allah I believe that Muhammad was His

final messenger and I believe that Islam is His way of life.

-How is Islam the chosen way of life?

-Because Islam is perfect. Dont go by me cuz Im a bad example of a Muslim.

-Yeah, I figured.

-If the entire world was Muslim and followed its teachings, there wouldnt be any poor

people, or starving people, or murders, or drugs, or just any of the nonsense that we

got going on.

-Nah, you gots to explain this to me now.

-Because EVERY Muslim has to pay charity if he has an income so all the poorpeople would be taken care of by the rich ones. There would be no sex before

marriage because Islam teaches that sex out of marriage is a sin that you could go to

Hell for.

-Say word?!?!?! Damn.


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-The Quran is a guide book on how to live right in this life. If you do this..this will

happen.. if you do that.. then that will happen. Allah made it real easy to

understand, not like the Bible which was written by madd different people and is

just a bunch of confusing stories that lead you nowhere. You want my advice?....... go aget a copy in English though.

-Word, I need to.. Damn son, you a Muslim and aint even tell me?

-Really I didnt wanna push you away from Islam because like I said. im a horrible

example of a Muslim.

-Man, you got me buggin right now im bout to call it a night, but before I dip off

I got one more question.

-Which is?....

-Jesus.. What does the Quran, say about Jesus?.... Is he God, the son of God

or what.. cuz these Christians dont seem to know who he really is, so maybe Islam

could tell me.

-Jesus is the most debated man in the history of the world. Understand one thing.

In the Bible Jesus never claimed to be God. Or the son of God. He said,

blessed are the peace makers for they shall be called the childrenof God. So that

right there lets you know that child of God was a term given to the believers of that

time. People just turned around and flipped it because he was born without a father.

But Allah is all powerful and could put a baby in a womans womb without a man. Its

not a problem. I mean, He created Eve from a rib!!!

-Thats what I used to say.

-Well, in Islam.Jesus is just another great Prophet of Allah. Nothing more,

nothing less. We believe in his miraculous birth. We believe in his miracles..We

believe he is the Messiah who will return to us again, but we dont believe he died and

resurrected.


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-What chu say happened then?

-Allah took him up to the Heavens and hes there waiting until its time for him to do

what he gotta do, you feel me?...

-Yeah, but what about him being on the cross and all that?

-Allah said that He made another man to look like Jesus and thats who they killed.

-Aight yeah makes sense.

-You good now?

-Yeah man. Im good..good looking out for this. I needed this night.

-Just doing my job as a Muslim.

-Aight kid Im out, be easy.

-Yeah son, holla at me.

I couldnt sleep that night I was thinking about everything that I just heard. It wastoo good to be true. This Islam sounded perfect. You see the thing was. that in all

my years of searching for answers to lifes greatest question. I received no answers

from anyone deemed to be.. knowledgeable in this field of God and religion. I was

in awe of his simple answers to my difficult questions that nobody seemed to have.

This none practicing believer in Islam answered every single one of the questions that

had haunted me for years. I knew it wasnt him.. it was what he knew.. and what he

knew. was Islam.

A day or two later, I went to a Muslim butcher shop because he sold Qurans there.

Sure enough there it was.. this holy book that I had been fantasizing about, for the


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past 48 hours. Could this really be Gods words recorded on our worldly paper?...... I

didnt know how to treat it I was afraid, seeing that the butcher himself wouldnt

touch it because he said that he was impure. This only added to the magnitude of the

moment. I took a bag and grabbed the Quran with the bag wrapped around myhand..I had it!!! I ran home like I had just robbed a bank or something. I did what Vic

told me to and I went and washed up before even touching it. Each hand three times,

mouth three times, nose three times, face three times, arms three times each, head and

feet three times. I was pure enough to touch the words of God now, or at least I had

hoped so.

I opened the cover with the gentlest touch I had ever given. The inside cover alone

was beautiful and Heavenly. I knew I was about to get into something deep. I got to

the words themselves and I was shocked to find the English and the original Arabic

right alongside. I thought to myself, This must be their way of keeping it from being

tampered with. The Arabic was like nothing I had ever seen before. I was stuck on it

alone. and I had no clue what it said. I finally managed to look away and started with

the English translation.

First chapter Al Fatihah (The Opening)

In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

All the praises and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the all that exists.

The Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

The Only Owner (and the Only Ruling Judge) of the Day of Judgment.


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You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help.

Guide us to the Straight Way.

The Way of those on whom You have bestowed Your Grace, not (the way) ofthose who earned Your Anger (such as the Jews), nor of those who went astray(such as the Christians).

Woooow, I thought to myself. This short little first chapter was deep!!! This is exactlywhat I used to think in my prayers back when I had no idea what to believe. I knewGod controlled everything and that He was the only one worthy of worshipping. I

also had a feeling that something was up with the Christians and Jews. They sworethat they believed but something wasnt right. I didnt see them striving to imitate theProphets they preached about.. but when you see practicing Muslims.. they look

just like what youd imagine the Prophets to look like. Beards, long robes, turbans andhaving that inner peace that I needed so desperately in my life. Regardless, this wasthe perfect way to start a holy book off in my opinion.. because it touched oneverything in such a short simple way and EVERYTHING MADE SENSE. Iwent on to the next chapter..

Al Baqarah (The Cow)

Alif-Lam-Mim. [These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur'an and none butAllah knows their meaning].

This is the Book whereof there is no doubt.. a guidance to those who are Al-Muttaqun[the pious and righteous persons who fear Allah much and obey Hiscommandments].


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Who believe in the Ghaib(unseen)and performAs-Salat(prayer), and spend outof what we have provided for them [i.e. give charity].

And who believe in (the Qur'an) which has been sent down to you (Muhammad)

and in [the original Taurat (Torah) and the original Injeel (Gospel), etc.] which weresent down before you and they believe with certainty in the Hereafter.

They are on (true) guidance from their Lord, and they are the successful.

Verily, those who disbelieve, it is the same to them whether you warn them or do notwarn them, they will not believe.

Allah has set a seal on their hearts and on their hearings, and on their eyes there is

a covering. Theirs will be a great torment.

Man, I slammed it shut!.......This was too much for me. These words were touchingsomething in me that I had never felt before and it terrified me I sat there for aminute and thought about what I had just read and remembered what Vic had toldme about the Quran being Gods literal words to us.. and it all made sense.Finally, something made sense. I found a purpose to a life that was meaningless. IBELIEVED!!!!! I believed that Allah was the creator and that He was theONLY one worthy of worship.. I believed that Muhammad was His finalProphet. I believed that the Quran was Allahs words to mankind recorded.But the most important part of this all was that I believed that if I didnt change theway I lived my life that I would end up regretting it for the rest of time. and thatwas not a chance a was willing to take.

I called Vic up and told him that I believed and wanted to be a Muslim and Iwanted to accept Islam And asked how much did it cost and who do I have to pay?He laughed with excitement and told me that this aint Christianity There aint nofee to declare that you believe in Allah.. you just have to do it. The next day hetook me to the local Mosque, where I declared in front of ten other Muslim brothers


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that. I bare witness that there is no god worthy to b e worshipped other thanAllah and I bare witness that Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is thefinal Messenger of Allah. That was it... I was a Muslim.. and I made my firstprayer to Allah right there with all of those brothers. It was perfect like how I had

imagined.

I can tell something special had happened because men that I had just met for thefirst time had tears in their eyes. They were happy for me that I did this for myself.Why were they so happy for me?! They dont even know me! I saved myself fromcertain punishment they told me and I believed. that they really believed that.

Either way, I had this feeling like I had never felt before.. I was two months shy of my21st birthday and I had a feeling of being born fresh and new again. Clean andpure.. untainted by this Godless world and all its corruption. I had walked throughthe mud and came away clean. But I knew that I would have to fight to stay this way.

In Islam, when someone comes into the religion they have the option to take a Muslimname. which I did. I had taken the name Umar Abdur- Rasheed. Abdur-Rasheed

means Servant to the Rescuer or Saver. And I believe that I was rescued frommyself. And Umar was a companion of the Prophet Muhammad, who was like the

gangster of Makkah. He was a baaaaaad dude, but once the truth was brought tohim, he accepted it and used his gangster to defend Islam.. so I thought that thisname pretty much summed me up..

After accepting Islam.. And feeling so close to Allah, there was no way that I couldhave gone back to stealing and dealing again. What would have been the point ofdeclaring that I believed in Allah.. and then going right back to ignorance? I spokewith Vic and told him that I was done with the streets and that I wanted him to followwith me. Alhamdulilah(praise be to Allah) He did.. We both started on thismission of getting people off the streets and trying to bring them to Islam. My first


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week of being Muslim I spent on the streets... but this time I was trying to get peopleoff of the drugs and off of the streets.

We brought some of those hustlers and druggies to Islam in those first few weeks,Alhamdulilah and I had changed the neighborhood again but this time for thebetter. My life had changed and in changing my own life Allah had allowed me tochange the lives of others. My friend Victor who helped bring me to Islam had madethe pilgrimage to Makkah(Hajj) the next year in 2005 and I followed the year after in2006. My close friends and I all submitted to Allah settling down.. startingfamilies. Living Islam as best as we could.

I am grateful to Allah that throughout everything He has put me through (and trustme, you still dont even know the half of it) He kept me alive long enough to correct mymistakes and gave me a chance to earn Paradise and escape Hell. I dont knowwhat I did to deserve this treasure called Islam but I pray that Allah forgives me mysins and has mercy on me.. I pray that Allah protects me from all of the evil of Hiscreation.. I pray that Allah never stops providing for me for if He did I surely

would have nothing I pray that Allah keeps me on the straight path and neverallows me to stray from His straight path I pray that Allah gives my face, body andsoul light that all of mankind and the unseen can see.. I pray that Allah blesses all ofthe true believers with all that I ask for myself.. and I pray Allah gives His soldiersvictory over the corrupters of the lands.. the evil doers may He guide us and grantus all martyrdom and the highest Paradise, Ameen!!!

-Zzzzzz Zzzzzz Zzzzzz

-Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar

(God is greatest God is greatest)


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- Huh? Zzzzzzz

-Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar

(God is greatest God isgreatest)

-Wha? Zzzzzzz

-Ash Shadu Illa Ilaha IlAllah

(I bare witness theres no god but Allah)

-(yawn)yaaaaaauuuuhhhhh.Is that the Athan?

-Ash Shadu Illa Ilaha IlAllah

(I bare witness theres no god but Allah)

-Oh sweat! I gotta get up for prayer.

La Ilaha IlAllah

(There is no god but Allah)


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Ash

ShuhadaahThe Witnesses

Based on a true storyThe story of my life

By: Umar Al Mujahid Abdur-Rasheed

Formerly

Anthony Navarro


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Part 1

Before the Pilgrimage


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they were doing something.. besides stressing me out. I was almost 22 and it wasexactly a year since I became Muslim. Man.. it was a crazy ride.

I had been stabbed in the face.. and almost died from blood loss. I quit playing balland dropped out of College. Got shot at a few times.. once while walking the dogsat night. And even found out that some guy wanted me dead. just because I was withhisgirl about 5 years ago.. back in high school or something. guess hes the jealoustype. I was like damn.things were getting kinda tough for me.. Not so much theIslam, being Muslim part.. that part was great. it was everything else.

-Im not calling you Omar or Umar or whatever.. youre name is Anthony!!!

-You dont think thats being disrespectful to me?

-NO!!! I named you Anthony and thats what Im calling you!!! If anything, callingyourself. Omer is being disrespectful to me.. especially when I gave you a namealready!!! Why do they want you to change your name anyway? Tell the brothers inthe Mosque to worry about their own kids!!!

-No ones making me change my name Ma, its part of accepting Islam when I mademy confirmation in the church, I took the name Matthew, didnt I?

-Well, Matthews a nice name.. not no damn Abdul, Abdullah Rashard or whatever.

-Its Umar Abdur-Rasheed, Ma.

-Yeah, whatever. Im still calling you Anthony.

My father thought it was a lil bugged out, my brother Tom didnt think it was a bigdeal and my mom just didnt like the fact that I became Muslim AT ALL. Shethought the brothers from the Mosque had brainwashed me or something. Nice to


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see how gullible she thought I was, right?! Regardless.. I knew that Allah was realand.. Islam was the truth.. and it wasnt brainwashing.. if anything.. it was morelike.. brain cleansing. I had stopped drinking, messing with females, fighting, sellingdrugs, I started working a legit job.. I still smoked weed, but.. I was more chilled out

and I stayed home and read a lot.. my entire attitude had changed. I was proud ofmyself... but it seemed like.. after all the problems my younger self had caused.. mymother would rather have HIM back.. than the new and improved Muslim me.

-All you do is stay home and read them. Muslim books.. what happened to all yourfriends?

-Theyre still around.

-Well.. Why dont you call them up and go out or something?

-Cuz, all they wanna do is get drunk and wile out. I aint got time for that nonsense.Anyway, I hang out with Tom now.

-Thats all you used to wanna do before.

-Well, people can change now cant they?

-Think about what youre doing to yourself..

-Tell me.what am I doing Ma?

-Being a Muslim isnt for you..

-Why is that?

-Because.. These people are dangerous. This is what they do. They get youngguys like you to become Muslim.. and then they make them become radicalextremists and terrorists.


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-Heh heh.. you definitely watch waaaaaay too much TV. Dont you realize thatbecause of becoming Muslim, I stopped drinking and running the streets. Youre nothappy about that?

-Youre not the same anymore. You used to go out with your friends to parties,movies.. even Baseball games.. you used to enjoy yourself. Now you just keep

yourself locked in your room and nobody sees you.

-Ma, half that time.. I was out selling drugs..anyway.. you used to hate the factthat I was never home.. AND you hated my friends, whats up with that?

-Youre just not the same anymore.. you used to be different.. you used to enjoylife.

I was confused to say the least. I went from being the number one cause of stress inmy mothers life.. to a stand up, hard working,religious, God fearing person.. andnow my mother was worried about me.. not enjoying my life??? .. It was all goodbecause.. I understood that it really wasnt her fighting my new Islamic identity..Shaytan (the devil), has one purpose in this life.. and thats to test mankind. Now if

you think about it.. hes not gonna come knock on your door and try to get you todrink liqour and smoke crack.. or.. try to convince me that Islam is wrong and that Ishould worship him.. so what does he do?..... he uses the people closest to you..whether it be your family or friends.. boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife.. Co -workers or even that person on the bus aggravating you cuz they staring at you a littletoo hard.. Shaytan whispers to all of us.. and thats how he affects us.. throughwhispering to other people.. and getting THEM.. to do his dirty work.

I didnt know how to handle this, I mean.. it kinda seemed like back when I was 13... inthat Catholic school. I was a trouble maker, cuz I thought differently than everyoneelse.. and wouldnt just follow along.. now, Im brainwashed.. because someonemade me realize something that.. I always kinda thought anyway.. and I had changedmy faith. God is one with no partners or equals.. this life is an illusion and a test that


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we must get past.. we have to follow Gods commandments as best as we can and..either get rewarded with Paradise.. or do what we want and get punished in Hell foreternity. Its really a no brainer. I just didnt know that this no brainer was Islam.The way Muslims are portrayed in the media makes you think that. that Muslims are

these crazy fanatical desert people, who hate freedom, who hate everyone else inthe world. and who even hate each other. I used to think these people were lunatics!!!So I didnt even bother to research Islam back then.. and now that Im a Muslimmyself.. my family is looking at me like.. how, I used to look at Muslims back in theday.. crazy!!!.. and I got ZERO support from them. My parents didnt support myIslamic cause and my brother Tom played the neutral role. The only real support Ihad was from my Muslim brothers. I learned mostly from them, especially my boyYasin, because.. even though he used to do dirt on the street, his whole family was

Muslim and knew a lot about Islam. he was just too caught up at the time and wasacting a damn fool with all the rest of us. We were all caught up.

-Moms still stressing you?

-Yeah man.

-Yeah, itsgon be like that for a while. Just understand that its not her.. itsShaytan.

-Nah son, I know. It just bugs me out, cuz.. its like she aint even tryna see how Islamhas changed me.

-She aint using her own eyes no more.. shes using Shaytans eyes.. and thatnigga got her seeing everything in red, white and blue.. all anti Islam and shit.

-Hehhhh, yeah. you aint lying.

-Remember you gotta deal with it though.. cuz, Paradise is at the feet of yourmother.. and no matter how much she stressing you. as long as she aint tryna get

you to something haraam (unlawful), you gotta listen to her.. but if she tryna get you


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to eat pork, drink liquor and kat a female. then you obey Allah first and foremostcuz aint NOBODY worth going to Hell for.NOBODY!!!

-Yeah, I figured But yo, good looking out on that book you gave me.. the more I

study the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.

-Peace be upon him.

-The more I realize how wrong we all living.

-Well thats the thing.. we read Quran to know Allahs commandments, but then wealso study the Prophet.. cuz he was the best example on how to follow thosecommandments. The way he did everything was exactly how Allah wants US to do

it.

-How you think he would live. if he was around today?

-Definitely NOT like this. Were trash.. even compared to the Sahaabah(companions). and they were just regular men like us.

-Word..

You know, Yasin was right. The companions of the Prophet Muhammad were justregular men like everyone else, BUT.. they were the greatest generation ofbelievers the world had ever seen. Why couldnt we be like them? What was holdingus back? Then I started thinking about the times WE lived in.. and how thecompanions didnt have TV, music, movies..or commercials telling them that theywanted this product and that they needed to have this product or.. billboards

enticing them to buy this and that. I realized then that. in todays world.. we werebeing attacked.. subliminally.. through things we trusted like. TV, the news,movies, music, sports, celebrities, earning a living, the banking system, schools,politicians and the so called expert opinion. Damn near everything was designed toindoctrinate us.. or to trap us somehow. We were living in the greatest trials mankindhad ever seen. It was a battle for our subconscious minds.. and we were losing..


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horribly. We had so many distractions keeping us busy that... we werent thinkingabout whats really important in this life.. we had been turned into. sheeple, youknow..sheep people, just following along. And we were chasing, money, materialsand anything that made us feel good about the way we lived.. just a bunch of ignorant

lust chasing fools, willing to throw away our promise of P aradise.. for thisdeteriorating mirage.

Now aside from studying Islam.. and.. my new found passion for secret societies,the occult, politics and mind control.. I had started boxing. An athlete canNEVER stand NOT to be doing something and.. after Baseball. I needed

something else. but something that I could do on MY schedule. My grandfather wasa fighter out of Puerto Rico and.. I used to fight everyday on the street forFREE. figured I might as well get paid for it!!! I remembered the things he used toshow me as a kid.. how to use my feet and.. how not to get hit.. how to throw my jabafter any combo. Basic. but effective stuff. Anyway, I started training at a local

gym every day after work. I was real nice and my trainer knew he had something specialon his hands. He used to take me to all the big gyms in New York and made me fighttheir best fighters.. whether bigger or smaller, whatever. I fought a looooot of dudes

in that time. I eventually turned professional and had my first pro fight at RoselandBallroom in Manhattan. I won by knockout and.. I was feeling the best I had felt in along time. I even built up a lil name for myself. They called me Uzi Umar, you knowuzi. like the gun. because of the way I punch, I guess. Someone told my trainerthat.. it felt like he was getting hit with eight arms. each arm holding a brick. Ilaughed.. thinking about how he must have felt.. getting beat with eight arms andall.. but then I remembered getting beat myself. but withbats and pipes and stuff..not fists.

Victor and I took this young kid Hector from the block, under our wing. He was likehow we used to be.. robbing and stealing, drug dealing. So we used to talk to himabout Islam and how to make the transition from the street life.. into the peace


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life.. but it just seemed that trouble always found him.. sound like anyone youknow?....

-Aight, what happened!!!

-My girls ex man called me up talking trash, so I told him to come see me.. and hedid. with madd people though!!! Niggas came knocking on my door like ten deep. Iwasnt going out there like that!!!

-What happened after that?

-They dipped off, but.. I thought I saw them around the corner.. thats when Icalled you.

-Aight, you cool for now.. well go post up at my crib until things cool down.

-Aight cool, but yo. can you take me to pick up my girls jewelry?

-Where at?

-Walmart

-Aight bet.

Maaaaan.. ifI had known what was about to go down. I wouldve never agreed to goanywhere.. and wouldve just gone straight to my crib but.. whatever happens in thislife.. was already written to happen.. and when Allah decrees a thing..nothing.

and I mean nothing you do.. can change that one bit. Allah wanted this to happen tome.. in order for me to learn something.. and/or.. to keep me from something..either way.. it happened.. and it happened EXACTLY the way, Allah wanted itto happen.


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-Yo pull up on the side. Over there.

-Right here?

-Yeah.

-I thought you was going inside?

-Nah, Im getting her stuff from this nigga.

-Who? Her ex?!?!

-Yeah.

-Son youre buggin?!?!?!

Before another word was said, three guys pulled up to my back door where Hectorwas sitting. Vic was in the front passenger seat and I was driving. Hec opened thedoor and one of the guys said.. you Hector?.. before Hec could give an answer,he was knocked unconscious and was getting stomped out by the three of them. Like

every incident in the hood. It starts off feeling like a dream. It never seems real andeverything either happens in the blink of an eye or in super slow motion.

I turned to Vic with a confused look on my face and asked. if this was really goingdown. He basically gestured that Hec needs to get HIMSELF, out of what he gotHIMSELF into. But I remembered watching A Mar die in my arms and. thatfeeling of helplessness.. now. Im watching this young misguided kid getting

stomped out.. andcoughing up his own blood, mind you. I couldnt let it go down likethat. It didnt help that Hec was 16. the same age as A Mar when he was killed. Ihad to at least do something. I opened my door and... had my window shattered witha pipe. Now I didnt know this guy, but. I guess he knew me cuz.. he kept on saying,Yo Oo, this aint got nothing to do with you. stay in the car.. stay in the car Oo.But my conscious would never have allowed me to go on knowing that, I did nothing to


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help this kid.. so I dove out at him with a punch. The punch knocked him to thefloor.. and as I turned around to rescue Hec. CRACK!!!!!! I took a Baseballbat to the face. I stumbled.. then put bat man down too.. only to get hit in theback by the first guy.

As Im trying my best to take the focus off Hec, I notice three cars off to the side..unloading with more people.. and. more weapons. Victor had come out by now andstarted wrestling around with some guy.. Hec was underneath my car coughing upblood, not really moving.. and as for me.. I was in a circle.. fighting for my life. As Iwould fight those in front of me.. those in back of me were just swinging away. I would

turn to defend my back.. and get cracked from every direction. There was no way Iwas winning this fight. I was just tryna make it out alive. I remembered a box cutterfrom work in my car.. and ran for it. As soon as I grabbed it. I started swinging fornecks.. I wasnt just tryna cut arms and shoulders.. I was going for lives.. yeah..they pushed me to that point!!!

They backed off after seeing the box cutter in my hand and the crazed look on my

face. But just as I turned away to head towards the car.. I noticed out the corner ofmy eye someone running towards me. I turned quick and blocked my head with myhand.. and had it shattered. Because of my adrenaline.. I didnt feel anything. I

just got nervous looking at Hec.. with his white bubble jacket.. now turnedcompletely red. I was praying that he wasnt dead. I dragged him from beneath my carand he opened his eyes. I was so relieved that I didnt have to explain to his parents..why I was dropping off their sons dead body. We regrouped and headed backtowards our neighborhood.

-Yo Oo, you saved my life man.

-Nigga, how the hell couldnt you see that he was setting you up?!?!


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-Yo Pa, I didnt know, I swear.

-Dammit son, you almost got us killed messing around with your punk ass.

-Im sorry Oo, for real kid.

-Dammit Hec. you aight though?

-I cant feel my face.. and my eye is blurry.

-Yeah, my hand is broken. I can feel the bones clicking around, plus.. it done blew tothe size of a grapefruit.

-Yo Oo theres blood coming from your hat, kid.-What?!?! Son I dont even remember getting hit in my head.

-Damn Oo. You got a hole in your head the size of a quarter, my nigga.

-Yo, we gotta get to a hospital.

-Nah, I cant go. I think I got a warrant out or something. Just drop me off on theblock and Ill walk home.

-Yo, you sure?

-Yeah Pa, I aint taking no chances with the police.. especially after what just wentdown.

-Aight my nigga.. be safe.. go straight home and stay there.

-Aight. Yo Oo.. thank you my nigga.. I dont know how Im gon repay you.

-Would you do it for me. if it was the other way around?

-Hell yea

-Then it was worth it.. aight?


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-Yeah.

-Peace.

-Peace my nigga.

Now Vic got me pissed off cuz.. he didnt want to take me to the hospital. He

worked there and.. didnt want them seeing him associated with all this. He punked

out in the fight.. and he was punking out on me now. Where was the loyalty?!?! I

couldnt drive cuz my broken hand couldnt grab the steering wheel. and my other

hand needed to shift, so. I ran to my boy LAs crib who was just down the street.

Me and LA used to make beats together.. and worked for the same recording

studio. He was leaving to go back to Cali the next morning and.. I had just caught

him before he called it a night. He threw on some clothes and we bounced. I was

being rushed to the hospital with a shattered hand.. laceration in the back of my

head.. and about 65% of my body bruised from the beating. I was zoning in and out

of consciousness.. so LA had to hurry.

As the nurses filled out all the necessary paperwork. there I was. rocking back and

forth tryna stay awake. They of course.. were taking their sweat time until LA

started wiling out. He screamed at them asking what the hell they were waiting for..

for me to die right there on the seat?!?!? I was in bad shape and that didnt seem like it

bothered them much. Eventually the cops came to see what was going on. When

they saw me, they were getting on the nurses too. They quickly put me in a room and

called a doctor. I was laid out on the hospital bed.. not really knowing what was

reality.. and what was being made up by my own mind. Everything was happening is

slow motion. But amidst all the commotion.. I could see my mothers face.. she

looked like she was not really sure what to expect. When she finally realized that it

was me in front of her.. the tears started. After all my head was so swollen and


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misshaped. I wouldnt have recognized me either. I tried to get up, but couldnt.

feeling like I had been hit by a bus.. and then run over by a train.. and then.

dropped from the top of a building.

-Anthony, can you hear me?

-Yeah.

-My name is doctor Weiss. Listen to me.. you cant fall asleep. you have to stay

up. I know youre feeling tired, but you.. have. to stay.up.

-Ok.

-Ok, besides the break in your hand and the laceration on the back of your head..

are there any other noticeable injuries that you can feel.

-Doc. Im numb.I cant even feel those.

-Ok, were gonna have to give you a full body scan to see if there are any other

injuries. Nurse!!!.. take him to the x-ray room.

Thank Allah. that it was just my hand and my head. Everything else was ok. They

had called a bone specialist to come and place my hand back together, but.. the bone

was shattered into little pieces and couldnt be put back together. My head was

stapled back shut again and.. I was told that I would need surgery to fix my hand.Boxing was over and done with.. for now at least. About two weeks later I had the

surgery. It was quick, but.. I had a metal rod sticking out of my hand for the next two

months or so. On a brighter side.. they gave me tons of drugs to help me deal with

the pain. It turns out that Hectors face was fractured and he suffered a concussion.


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Victor barely had a scratch on him, cuz..after all, he just fought one guy.. and all

they did was wrestle each other. I took most of the damage, but it was ok. Hec was

still alive and.. if I gotta take a beating to save my boys life, then.. thats cool with

me.

-How you feeling akhi (my brother)?

-Alhamdulilah (praise be to Allah), Im straight. Drugged the hell up.. but straight.

-You know. you gotta leave these street kats alone. You on adifferent path now..

and they only gonna bring you down with them. Learn from your mistakes and see

what Allah is showing you.

-Yeah, I know. I shouldve never listened to Hec.

-You shouldnt even be associating yourself with that lil nigga. He aint nothing but

trouble any damn way. You should think about settling down and getting married.

With a wife around.. you aint gonna have no time to be wasting.. especially with

these fools on the street.

I thought about it.. you know, settling down.. and getting married. But I wasnt sure

until I noticed something. Ever since I accepted Islam. every female I came in contact

with. was tryna smash me!!! I was like. hold up!!! These shorties wouldnt give me

the time of day before becoming Muslim.. but now. Im the fliest thing since Hip

Hop. Something wasnt right cuz. I was getting females just popping up at my

house, talking about, I saw you round the way the other day, and.. was wondering

how you been? Yasin told me something like this would happen. Shaytan didnt like

the fact that I accepted the truth.. and that I was striving for Allahs pleasure, so..

he was throwing at me, the one thing that he knew men couldnt resist.. WOMEN!!!!!


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-So how you been? I heard what happened to you.. you ok?

-Yeah, Im cool.-I aint seen you in a minute, where you been hiding?

-I been around. mainly keeping to myself.. how you know where I lived?

-I be seeing you come in and outa here when I drive by sometimes.

-Oh. and. you thought to check me out, why?

-Well, you know. we never really talked in school, but.. I was always interested inyou. I mean. you always.. just seemed interesting.. different. from Dre, Juice,

Raheem and all them other fools, you ran with.

-Right.

-Anyway.. I was wondering if we could kick it sometime. you know. chill with each

other and see what happens. no real commitment needed.. I dont need a man.

to need a man.. you get me?

-To be honest. I dont get down like that.

-Huh? What you mean?

-Im Muslim and we dont date like that.

- If yall dont date like that.. then how DO yall date?

- We dont date at all.

-Well I just told you that, you aint gotta be my man. you can just have me when you

want me. Nigga.. this the deal of a life time.. you need to take advantage of this..

while the offer still on the table.


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- Look.. no disrespect or nothing but, no sex before marriage.

-Nigga, you wasone of the biggest players I done ever seen. now you talking all this

monk shit.. aight. If its like that then. I hope you feel better and... I guess Ill see

you around.. remember. Im always here.. when you come back down to planetearth!!!

-Ha, well dont wait up for that.

Now, Dayquana was not a female used to getting turned down. She was one of the

baddest chicks in the hood. and any nigga with eyes could see that. She had made

other, unexpected visits to my house. along with a few other females. Shaytan was

working hard. It was an awkward time in my life cuz.. I had all these beautiful women

pursuing me and. I was turning them down left and right. I thought Id never see that

day. I couldnt understand why they were sweating me so much. Then I realized

that. it could only be Shaytan. and.. I knew that if I was gonna keep from slipping

up. I needed to get married. So, I met this sister on a Muslim matrimonial website

and we began talking. She was a black sister who lived in Florida. She was Muslim.

she covered. prayed.. and had all her teeth. I was sold!!! We ended up getting

married in the summer of 2005 and I moved down to Florida with her. By the end of

that summer.. I knew I had made a BIG mistake.

-You know, you shouldnt go out dressed like that. Everyone could see your whole

shape and everything.

-Its not haraam to wear jeans!!!

-Yeah, not haraam if you wearing them under something long. The Prophet said that

every person that can see a womans shape is a sin on her. Now imagine how many

sins youre getting by going out dressed like that?!?!?


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-These are all the clothes I have. I dont see you going out buying me abayahs (long

gowns).

-Thats because every time I give you money to buy clothes.. you come back with

fitted stuff like this. You want me to physically go out and buy your clothes for you?Thats not a problem.

-Youre such a jerk!!!

-How?!?! Youre failing to realize that this is not from me. these are commandments

from Allah, so really.. youre mad at Allah for commanding you to do something that

you dont want to do, but.. youre taking it out on me, when really. Im just looking

out for you. Dont you even wonder.. who are you tryna look good for? When yougo outside with tight, revealing clothes. and make up, looking all fly. who are you

doing that for?!?! Cuz, IM not the one who sees you!!! You tryna look good for

other guys? These are things that you have to ask yourself before you go off calling

me a jerk like Im tryna oppress you or something. You need to chill out and fear

Allahs punishment cuz really.. I think you sleeping on it, like you exempt from it or

something.

That was the first time she punched me... but it definitely was NOT the last. You

see it turned out that my new wife had problems with her temper.. and was even put

on medication for it. something her father had neglected to tell me in the beginning.

So now here I am. almost 23 and in a marriage with a woman who sees me as a

punching bag every time I say something she doesnt wanna hear. Not to mention my

$500 cell phone she smashed against the wall, or the brand new gift watch that shedestroyed, and cant forget about the many dents in my car doors that she kicked..

and in front ofWHO EVER. it really didnt matter if people were around. Oh did

I mention she was pregnant too?....


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-Yo Yasin, I dont know what to do. she be wiling out all the time. I cant keep

buying new phones, cuz shell just smash em all.

-Damn man. you gotta be patient akhi. When shes running her mouth. just dont

say nothing and let her cool off.

-DONT SAY NOTHING?!?! Son, it gets her more hot if I dont say

something. Im bugging out Yasin.

-Well at least she aint pregnant.

-..........

-Sheaint pregnant, is she Umar?

-.We just found out a few days ago.

-SubhannAllah (glory be to Allah) Honestly. this is a test from Allah.. and.

if Hes testing you with it. Hes telling you that you can handle it. Allah never gives

a soul more than it can bear.. so just hold on to that and get through it.

Yasin was right again. This was a trial from Allah. and. I needed to figure out a

way to deal with this situation. I had started boxing again.. against the orders of my

doctor, of course.. but I needed a reason to be out the house.. and a way to blow

off some steam. I fought 4 more times and added 4 more wins to my record, but then.

I decided to stop because. I felt like my promoter and trainer were rushing me into

fights just to make a quick pay day. This was my career here and the last 2 fights. I

honestly didnt feel prepared. After all, I fought on either two or three weeks notice.which really doesnt allow much time to prepare completely. I took it as. them tryna

feed me to the wolves or something, so we parted ways. After that, to keep the

peace in the house I spent a lot of time either at work or in the Masjid.


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In July of 2006 my daughter Amani was born. Maaaan, I never felt like how I felt.

when I saw my daughter for the first time. I used to play women left and right. and

didnt care about NO feelings. but this little baby girl had instantly grabbed my

heart. I was in love at first sight. When it came to Amani.. you couldnt get me to puther down. Everywhere I was.. there was Amani.. in my arms. Being a father was

another crazy experience in my life. I always loved kids. I think I loved them so much

because.. they were pure and innocent. and didnt do things on purpose well

most of them were pure and innocent. But having my own child was amazing. To look

into this little face and see a part of yourself and.. to know that this little life. is

depending on you for everything. It just made me want to work extra hard to give her

any and everything I could. I had worked for a brother in his store in the mall sellingshoes. I made him enough money in the first 6 months.. to open up two more stores.

and as a token of his appreciation.. he gave me that store. Besides my marriage..

things were looking good.. and were about to get better.

Yasins father was a Sheikh (religious leader) in New York. I called him Abu (father)

because he used to take me around and teach me Islam. He was like my. Islamic

father, you could say. He had worked for a Hajj (pilgrimage to Makkah) tour

company and was their tour guide. One year I had helped him sign up some brothers

in my area to make the pilgrimage.. in return for a free ride.. but it didnt happen like

that. So a whole year went by without hearing from him. It didnt matter to me

because. I was happy with just helping some brothers make Hajj, in the first place.

But one day I got a phone call that rocked my world.

-As Salaamu Alaykum.Umar!!!

-Walaykum Salaam Abu. whats going on akhi.


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-Nothing much, hey listen.. if I told you that you could make Hajj with us this year..

would you be able to go?

-YEAH!!!!! Of course.

-Ok, ok.. Ill call you back tomorrow.

-Huh?... thats it?

-Yeah, Ill call you tomorrow InshaAllah (God willing).

-Uhhh, ok. InshaAllah.

I didnt know what that was about.. but he said he would call me back and.. hes a

man of his word. sure enough.he called me back the very next day..

-As Salaamu Alaykum, Umar!!!

-Walaykum Salaam Abu. whats good man.

-Get your passport ready akhi. InshaAllah. Allah is inviting you to make Hajj this

year.

My heart and jaw.. had dropped on the floor. I couldnt even respond back. All that

came out was a few duhs and huhs and an ok. It turned out that.. the owner of the

Hajj company had remembered the favor I did for him.. and got some brothers to paymy way. One problem though. I was the only provider in a home that housed my wife

and daughter, my wifes grandmother and her younger brother. not to mention.I

owned a store now. I just couldnt take off for a month and leave my wife without

money for food and bills.. and who was gonna run the store? I was stressing out


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tryna find a way to make this happen.. and I really couldnt. So, I turned to Allah

and asked Him to help me. The very next day. Allah responded.

-As Salaamu Alaykum Umar.

-Walaykum Salaam akhi how are you?

-Good Alhamdulilah. I have a little problem. and, I was wondering if you could help

me out with it. Dont worry, Ill pay you.

-Akhi, you know that you dont have to pay for my help.

-No no, I know that. but this is more like a favor for a favor.

-Ok?....

-As you know, Im into selling real estate and. business has been really good this

year Alhamdulilah and.. I have one last deal to do, but if I do it. then itll put me in

another tax bracket and Ill have to pay more money, so.. this is where you come in.

Im going to sign this property over to you as a gift. and youre gonna sell it to my

buyer.. and for that. Ill give you $1,000.

-Wait, what?!?!

-You heard me. $1,000 just to come to the bank with me and sign two pieces of

paper.

-Allahu Akbar. Akhi Im speechless.

-Dont be youd be doing me a huge favor.

-Ok.. ok, InshaAllah.

-Great. InshaAllah Ill pick you up tomorrow around nine.

-InshaAllah.


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Could this really be happening? $1,000 paid all my bills for one month. I just needed

some more money for food and emergencies.. so I kept with the dua (supplication).

About five days later, the same brother called me back and proposed the same dealto me. I couldnt believe it. Plus the brothers from the Mosque that I went to.. put

money together AND. said that they would run the store for me. That was it. I was

on my way to Hajj with no worries. Two months of bills paid off, enough money to

feed the house for the entire month. emergency money, someone to watch the store

and. I was able to bring $1,000 with me. Only Allah could have taken someone

with.. ZERO money to spend.. and allow him to make a trip with a $6,000 price

tag.. pay all his bills for two months.. have food for his family for a month.. andstill.. have over $1,000 to spend on Hajj. This was ridiculous. But like I said

before. When Allah decrees something. NOTHING. will stop it from

happening.

I kissed my wife and daughter goodbye as I left to make my way to the airport. I had

tears in my eyes. not for the wife though. Amani was only six months old and.. thiswas the first time I was going to be away from her. I went from Florida to meet with the

group in New York. I met up with Abu and the rest of the Hajj group. We left out of

JFK airport, on our way to Egypt. I was excited and nervous. after all..I had

barely been out of New York before.. let alone the country. We were in the sky and

off to make Hajj.

Landing in Egypt was a trip!!! Not like a journey.but. like bugged out!!! It was all

desert and dry looking. Man. I aint never been in no desert before. We stayed in

the airport for a few hours while Abu was hustling to get us on a flight to Saudi. He

got it and we were off again in a matter of six hours. Now before leaving Egypt. we


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-SubhannAllah.

As we walked. I couldnt help but look around at the mountains. the trees andlandscape, the sky and clouds. wondering if. if the Prophet or the companions ever

walked the same path I was on right now. or . did he touch this rock. or climb that

mountain. or gaze into this same exact piece of sky. that I was fixed on at that very

moment? My imagination ran away with me as its hostage for a minute. We came from

the tunnel. that took us through the mountain. and lead to the Haram itself. As we

continued. I almost couldnt move.. I was in awe. The tunnel was coming from the

bottom of a hill. and as we walked up that hill.. I saw the tops to two of the minaretsfrom the Masjid. My heart started beating more and more intensely with every step

closer I took. With every next step. more of the minarets were exposed. I noticed

out of the corner of my eye that.. Abu was fixed on my face. with a smirk. a smirk

of pure joy, happiness and excitment. for the simple fact that. I was seeing the

Haram for the first time. Tears streamed from my eyes as I realized. that this was not

a dream, but.. reality. Im here, I thought to myself. The one place that drew

longing and yearning from me, every time I saw it in a picture and Allah had actually

brought me here. What did I do to deserve this?

-You ok akhi?

-Ye yeah. Ill be aight.

-Heh heh, you aint the first one I seen cry at the sight of it. its beautiful isnt it?

-Most beautiful thing Ive ever seen Abu. I cant believe Im actually here.

-Well, believe it.. and lets go get some ZamZam water.

-Yeah, InshaAllah.


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We drank fresh ZamZam water straight from the well.. where Hagar, the wife of

Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) and their son Ismael had first stood. thousands of years

ago. It tasted like something from Paradise and not from here. so thick and fresh.This HAD to be the purest substance. I had EVER put into my body. I made

wudhu (purification) with it and then.. Abu introduced me to the Kaaba.

Now the Kaaba itself.. is a spectacle. It stood tall and wide.. as thousands and

thousands of my brothers and sisters, from every corner of the world circled it. Black,

White, Arab, Asian, Hispanic, European, Indian.. you name it. all related by onesaying. La ilaha ilAllah (theres no god but Allah). The words I use to describe

these scenes do NO justice to the actual sights and feelings of actually being there in

person. Please forgive my weak attempts, but this is something everyone has to

experience for themselves. I made my first two rakah (units of prayer).. at the

Haram. in Makkah. my life... had reached its highest point.

-As Salaamu Alaykum.

-Walaykum Salaam.

-Its me hows everything. hows the baby?

-Everythings good. Amanis sleeping. Hows Makkah?

-Oh my God. Its the most beautiful place in the world. I prayed all my salats in theHaram yesterday. I still cant believe Im here I. I feel like Im dreaming.

-Wow, I can imagine.... Umar?.

-Yeah.


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-I miss you.

-I miss yall too. Whats good?

-Im sorry.. Im sorry for all the things Ive done to you. Im sorry for how I am withyou. I hate how I am.. I.. I hate all these bad feelings I have in my heart and. and

these bad thoughts I have in my head. Im gonna change.. for you.. and for Amani. I

want us to be a real family, you know?

-Umm. wow. I. I dont know what to say really. I know things have been rough

and. And if youre willing to change then. then Im willing to try again.

This was unreal!!! My wife.. actually apologizing, AND admitting she treated

me bad?!?! I shouldve taken trips away from her from the start!!! Before the actual

Hajj had started, Abu took some of us to meet a Scholar that he knew from Makkah.

We went to a masjid in some beautiful, quiet neighborhood and waited for the Isha

prayer (night prayer) to start. Before the brother had made the call to prayer, a man

walked in and lit the masjid up. He was wearing all white from head to toe and seemed

to have this Heavenly glow to him. This was Abus friend that he brought us to meet.He lead the prayer and afterwards.. took us all to an apartment beneath the masjid.

He had prepared some food for us and. began to share some of his wisdom with us.

We learned so much in those few short hours. I could have stayed there and listened

to him.. all night. Afterwards. he came and spoke with me and was asking me

questions about my life and. how it was going and all.

-SubhannAllah, thats quite a journey to Islam akhi. What are you doing with

yourself now that you have accepted Islam?

-Well, I have a wife and daughter back home and I own a clothing store in the mall.


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-MashaAllah (what Allah wills), sounds like you have completely turned your life

around.

-Yeah Alhamdulilah. I just wanna focus on studying Islam. Its kind of difficult to

study back home. There are so many distractions making me lose focus.

-You and your family will come here! You will be my guests and I will teach you

Arabic and anything else you wish to learn.

-Huh?!?! Are you serious?

-Yes. Go home. get your family. and come right back.

I found myself in another one of those situations where.. I just couldnt find anything

to say besides duuuuh, huuuuh and ok. We went back to the hotel and. all I could

think of was going back home to pick up my wife and daughter, passing my store onto

someone and.. coming right back to Makkah.

Our Hajj ceremony had begun. Tawaf (circling) around the Kaaba. tawaf in

between the two mountains Safra and Marwa. the night in Mina (city in Makkah).

stoning the Jamarat (devil representation).. Arafat and Muzdalifah (cities in

Makkah). It was all simply amazing. I was honored to have been able to perform these

holy rituals in the land of the Prophet Muhammad. Soon after the Hajj rituals, we

visited Medinah which had quickly over shadowed Makkah as my favorite place in the

world. I have never felt such peace as I felt in Medinah. Its like. as soon as you drive

within the city limits.. you enter this warp that takes you to another dimension. A

dimension of peace and tranquility.. where there areno bad feelings. or even bad

thoughts for that matter, just.. peace. I visited the Prophets grave and cried as I

stood. literally feet away from him and the companions, Abu Bakr and Umar. the


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man I took my name from. Three of the greatest men in history and ME. a former

hood rat from New York. was in their presence.

It killed me to have to leave there. But I figured Id be right back so. it didnt hurt too

bad and. even if the Sheikh didnt offer me a place to stay.. I would have stayed

there homeless and.. would have been perfectly content with being homeless in either

Makkah or Medinah because.. it wasnt about materials for me. I had changed my

life around and wanted no part of how I was living before Islam. I tried my best to

ignore this world and all of its distractions.. and I was willing to give it all up for the

inner peace that I felt in these two cities, because after all. wheres the intelligence inchasing an illusion? We can touch and feel all of these nice things in this world, but.

we do the same in dreams. and eventually wake up from them. empty handed. So I

saw no point in chasing the pleasures of this life when. when I knew that one day I

would wake up with nothing that I spent my life obtaining in this world.

Our time was up and we were on our way back home. I had just completed the

highlight of my life and was headed back to an uncertain future with my wife, who

was.. unstable.. to be as nice as possible. I didnt know if she really meant

everything she said, while I was away. or if. she was just lonely or something, but one

thing was certain.. on the day of Arafat. as I sat there with my hands raised to the

sky. pleading with my Lord to to better things in my life and.. to protect me from

other things and.. to guide this one and.. to guide that one. I made one specific

request.. that if my wife was right for me. to make it impossible for us to be separate,

and.. if she was not right for me then. keep her away from me and replace her with

someone who will appreciate me and who will treat me better. And that was that. I

had left my marriage in the hands of Allah. All that was left to do was.. just to live

the rest of my life. and see what Allah has written for me.. maybe telling her that we


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were moving to Makkah would be the spark that she needed to get on point. Who

knew? Not me.. only Allah knew that answer


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Part 2

After the Pilgrimage


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-So. was it everything you thought it would be?

-Better.

-You know. Allah promises to forgive the sins of the believer who makes Hajj(pilgrimage) for His sake. He forgives them completely .. like. another fresh

start!!!

-InshaAllah (God willing), Hell accept my Hajj. I could use another fresh start.

-Yeah, we all can. So.. you gonna take the Sheikh up on his offer? You and your

family could be living in Makkah. studying with a scholar. this is from Allah akhi.

you should do it.

-Abu. as soon as I get back home.... Im selling EVERYTHING. and bouncing

right back to Makkah.

I should have said InshaAllah to that. Remember how I said that. being in Makkah

and Medinah was the highest point in my life? Well. when youre up that high.

theres nowhere else to go. but down.

As we flew back into the U.S., it just appeared as though. it was dark and covered

in this. eerie, misty looking haze. I had this weird feeling. the same kinda feeling you

get when. when youre alone in a room. or when youre walking down a dark alley all

byyourself. It just didnt feel good. it kinda felt like. like being in the presence of

pure evil. and I wanted to turn around. and go right back to Makkah. We landedwithout any problems and that was it. I was back home. I thought America would be

happy to have me back. I thought they wouldve had out the red carpet. and

welcoming committee. Oh, they sent their welcoming committee alright..


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-Are you. Anthony Navarro?

-Yeah?

-Can you come with us please; wed like to ask you a few questions.-About what?

-Can you please just come with us?

-Not until you let me know. exactly what it is. that you want.

-You know its a felony not to cooperate with a NSA investigation?

-Well. as of late, its a felony to do just about anything. especially being a Muslim.

Not even five minutes back into the U.S.. and were being stopped right at the

terminal. not even 15 feet away from the plane. They grabbed me, Abu and an

elderly brother named Muhammad Hassan. who was from Iraq. They took us

separately into individual rooms and. began their interrogations.

-So where are you coming from Mr. Navarro?

-You already know where Im coming from, why you being stupid with me? Tell me

why youre holding me up. and let me get up out of here.I got family waiting for me.

-Ok, ok.. how well do you know Muhammad Hassan?

-I just met him about.. three weeks ago.

-In Egypt and in Saudi Arabia, did you notice him in contact with any suspicious

persons?

-You guys are the first suspicious persons I seen in the past month.


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-You

Ash Shaheed (Revised Book)

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