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Ani Wilson

Are you addicted to stress?

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[DATE]AREYOUADDICTEDTOSTRESS?

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THELIGHTBULBMOMENT

I’vebecomeveryaccustomedtoholdingafewsilentsecondsafterstating;“I’maStressMasteryCoach”toanystrangeratanevent.Asthewordslockintotheotherpersons’consciousness,theirexpressionchangestoshowalevelofastonishmentandsometimesexcitement.“Oh,perhapsyoucanhelpmethen!”isthemostcommonresponseafterIexpandonexactlywhatmytitlemeans.FrommyexperienceI’vewitnessedanalmostaddictivepersonalityshiningthroughthemomentwetellothersthatwecanrelatetotheirworld.Welovesharingstoriesofwoewhencongregatedaroundthewatercooleratwork;wespendhoursonthephonetofriendsandclientstellingthemofourever-growingworkloads,increasedfrustrationsandloomingdeadlines.Andweyearntouptheantiwhensomeone’sstoryofstressfailsincomparisontoourown!ForyearsIwasthevictimofmyownsuccess.ThehigherupthecorporateladderIclimbed,thelessIsawmyfamily,myfriendsandinconsequence,myownsoul.Withthehigherpaypacketscame12-hourdays,whichoftenspikedto18hoursduringworkassignmentsthattookmeoutofthecountry.Ilovedthe‘buzz’ofitall.Ilovedthefrequentflyermiles,thequiettimetocatchuponworkattheairportlounge,thediversityofworkingacrossmultipleculturesandthecalmofnothavingmyownscreamingbabiesdisruptingmythoughts.

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

AniisanExecutiveCoachandInternationalSpeaker,specializingintheneurosciencebehindstressandburnout

inhighperformingmanagers.Sheispassionateaboutgivingthegiftofknowledgeto

thosewhoarestrugglingunderthepressuresofexpectationandlimitedresourcesandbelievesthat

leaderswhoachievebyhabitshouldnotbetoldtoslowdown.Infact,theoppositeistrue.

Ani’smissionistopromoteawarenessofthestructure,functionandpowerofthebrain’snaturaltendenciestofightmentalfatiguetopromoteoptimalperformance.

Stressisnotournaturalstate;itisalearnedstate,andcanbeunlearnedusingnaturallypowerfultechniquesthatAnisharesinher“AvoidingLeadershipBurnout”speeches,

books,workshopsandVIPcoaching.

FINDMOREONLINEAT:WWW.ANIWILSON.COM.AU NOSTRESS?HA!WHAT’STHEPOINTTHEN?!

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IfmymanageraskedhowIwascoping,IwouldlaughandtellthemIcravedthestress.“Iftherewasnostress,youknowI’dbebored!”Ialwaysdelegatedoutanynon-stressful,lowriskprojectsandclaimedthehighrisk,highstressonesformyself.IadmitnowthatatthattimeIwasindeedaddictedtostress.Beingaddictedtostresswasn’ttherealproblemthough.I’dbeenaddictedtostressandtheadrenalinespikesitproducedformostofmyadultlife.MyaddictiononlybecameaconcernwhenIstartedtorealizeitwasimpactingmypersonallife.Firstcametheincreaseinmytolerancetocoffeedowning3doubleshotlatteseverydaybefore11am.Thiswasfollowedbyanincreaseinpaininbothmyneckandshouldersthatnoamountofphysiotherapycouldease.Iwasthendiagnosedwithanon-treatableskindisordercalledPsoriasisthatwasthankfullyhiddenunderlayersoflonghaironmyscalp,butwhichnonethelessembarrassedmeentirely.IwastoldthatPsoriasiswasstressinduced,butIcouldn’tworkoutwhereinmylifeIwastrulystressed!Iwashappy,healthy,raneverydayandwasengagedtoalovelyman.At29,Isufferedmyfirstpanicattack.Irememberdrivinghomeinrushhourtraffic,exhaustedbothmentallyandphysically,knowingthatIhadalongjourneyaheadofme.AtthetimemypartnerandIwerelivinginasuburbontheoutskirtsoftown,alocationIdislikedandwaslearningtoresent.Duringthedrive,Ibecameangrywiththetraffic,IstartedtobuildapictureinmymindofwhatawaitedmewhenIgothome;thelaundry,thecleaning,thedinnertomake,thecattofeed,theendlesstasksthathadtobedonebeforeIcould‘safely’retireforthenight.

NOSTRESS?HA!WHAT’STHEPOINTTHEN?!

Mymindstartedtosend‘panic’signalstomylimbicbrain,andsoonmyheartratehadquickened,mybloodpressurehadskyrocketed,Istartedtoshake,andthetemperatureinthecarincreasedtoatleast40degreesCelsius(well,asfarasIwasconcerneditdid!).BythetimeIarrivedhomethatnight70minuteslater,Ihadwoundmyselfintoatightcoilofpressurethatcouldcrackatanymoment.AndIdid.Crack,thatis.ThenextmorningIfailedinmyusualroutineoftouchingmyfeettothefloorwhenthealarmwentoff.Infact,Ilaytherefor2daysbedridden,paralyzedbyunrelentingbutfalsepanicandfear.Allofasudden,Ihadfallenfrommypedestalasabusinessdecisionmaker,andcrashedintoacavernofdoubt.Ileftmypartnerandspentthenext2weekshidinginmychildhoodbedroomatmyparents’house,tryingtofindsomereprieve,somehappinessandsomecalm.Isoughtmedicaladvice,Ivisitedapsychologist,ItookupYoga,Itriedmeditation(unsuccessfullyImightadd),andIsleptandsleptandslept.Slowly,Ionceagainfoundmy‘quiet’,andmyenergy.AtthattimeIresolvedtoneverletoverwhelmtakecontrolofmylifeagain.Ihadlearntsomuchaboutmyselfduringthatfortnight;IwascertainIhadcommandofmyfutureandwouldleadabalancedlifefromthatpointforward.

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Needlesstosay,forthepurposesofthisstory,thatoutcomewasobviouslynotatrueprojectionofwhateventuated.NotonlydidIsufferanotherChronicBurnoutat34,IwasthendiagnosedwithstressinducedCancerat35andagainat38.ThroughoutthattimeIcontinuedtochallengepeopleatpartiesorworkeventsastotheirownlevelsofstress,butalways‘sweetly’froma“trytobeatmystress”perspective.IheardthedoctorstellmeabouttheimpactsthatStresswashavingonmyhealth,butwhereonceIdidn’tbelievethem,IsoonbecamesocoveredinthelayersofoverwhelmthatIcouldn’tfindanacceptablewayout.Iwentfromsleepingagood8hoursanight,towakingatleast5xduringthatsleep.Iincreasedmydependencyoncoffeejusttocopewiththebrainfogthatinvadedeverydayat3pm.Istartedtoresentthefatherofmychildrenfor‘making’meamother-alifeIclaimedIneverchose.IstartedtoresentthehoursspentathomebecauseIknewtheincreasinghouseworktaskswouldexacerbatemyoverwhelm.

IcravedtravelsoIcouldgainsomelevelofpeaceandquiet,butpredominantlysothatmypartnerwouldbe‘forced’tocleanup(anexpectationthatneverfailedtodisappointwheneverIarrivedhometoabombsiteofcourse!)Istartedto‘snap’atmychildren,evengoingsofarastoreachoverandthreatentohitthemiftheydidn’tstopcrying.(ThankGodIstillknewrightfromwrongduringthisstage!!)Ilostmyabilitytolaugh,evenwhenthosearoundmewereinfitsoflaughter.Mylibidowasnonexistent,andIstartedinwardlyblamingmypartnerforallthecracksinmylife.Workwasmybastion.IletoutanalmostaudiblesighofreliefeverytimeIarrivedintheparkingbuildingatthestartofeachworkingday.“Thankgoodnessfortheoffice”Iwouldexclaim,thinkingIwasleavingbehindthestressorsoftheworldeverytimeIsteppedintothatelevator.Iknownowthatwhentheworldisseeminglyattackingyoufromallsides,that’sthemomentweneedtostop,reflectandrealizethatonlyweholdthepowertomakeachange.Iwasblamingeveryoneandeverythingoutsidemyinnerworldfortheutterchaosthatsurroundedme.Muchlikeanaddict(asthatisexactlywhatweallare)Iwasinconstantdenial.Ihadforgottenwhatitwasliketobe‘normal’,tobeoptimal.Ashumans,wearemeanttosleeppeacefully.Wearebuilttobeinperfectphysicalhealthwithaninnerpharmacylikenoother.Wearesupposedtobeabletolaugheffortlesslywithmassesofoxytocinfloodingthroughourblood.

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ADDICTION

Wheninbalance,thehumanpotentialisastounding.Whenstressed,weareliterallyrunningthroughthickmud,meaningalloureffortsaremagnified,withourgoalsfeelingfurtherawaythannecessary.Ineededtowakeup.IneededtobehonestandrealizethatitwasIwhowasatfault;thatIhadcreatedmyenvironment,mycircumstances,myworkloadandeventhefrequencyofmychildren’scries.Ihopeyoucanrelatetomystoryofhonestyabove,asIseeamirrorimageofthisversionofmyselfeverywhereIgo.HaveyoueverwatchedanadcomeupontheTVtellingastoryofaparentwavinggoodbyetotheirteenageratcollegeandfoundtearsofsadnesswellupinyoureyesforseeminglynoreason?Emotionallyyou’rerightonthecuspofbreakdown,withhormonalimbalancesthatwillpoweryouovertheedgewhenyouletyourguarddown.Thenervousnesshasseeminglycomefromnowhere,butdeepdownyouknowthat’snotthetruthofthematteratall.You’vespentyearsgettingtothispoint,andperhapsyou’refinallyatbreakingpoint.

Therearethreeverydistinctanddifferentcategoriesofstress.Wheneverwereadarticlesorheadlinesaboutstressweimmediatelyassume(correctly)thatthestressbeingdiscussedisofthe‘bad’kind.We’velabeledallstresswithinonebucketbasedonthebiasnessofthedelugeofpublicitythatChronicStressgets.Chronicstressistheongoingonslaughtofdailystressorsthatwefeelareintrusive,harmfulordivergenttoourownvaluesystem.ChronicStressisaveryrealepidemicintoday’scultureintheWest,onethatiskillingmorehumanseachyearthananyotheroutsideelement.BUT,stressinitselfisnotharmful.Allmammalswerecreatedwithstresshormonesandastressresponseforareason.Ifwedidn’thaveboutsofAcuteStress,beingthesudden‘fright’reflexwehavewhensomeonejumpsoutfrombehindabushtoscareus,we’dhavenosenseofadventure.Theworldwouldn’tknowwhatanextremesportsmanwas,andtherewouldbenothrillseekerslookingfortheirnextadrenalinerush.Acutestressisafabulousthinginmyopinion.

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Whenwefeelacutestresscertainhormonesandchemicalsareproduceden-massbyyourbrain.Epinephrine(adrenaline)coursesthroughyourcirculatorysystem,bindingtoproteinsonthesidesofcellsthroughoutyourbody.Whenitbindstothewalloftheliver,itsendsneuralintenttocellsinsidethelivertoconvertGlycogentoGlucose,whichisinstantlyreleasedintothebloodstream-effectivelygivingyouasugarrush!Thisisthesameneuralcocktailproducedwhenanaddictget’shis/herfix.Withoutrealizingit,throughyearsofoverachievingandtryingtobethebestatwhatwedo,toreduceourfearofbeingaloneorlettingothersdown,we’vecreatedhumanbrainsthatareaddictedtothis“StressCocktail”.Withoutthefloodofendorphins,wecanfeelflat,tiredandlistless.Thenegativesideeffecttoacutestressisthatweoftenquicklyreverttoshallowbreathing.Takethatshallowbreathingandmagnifyit100fold,andbeforelongit’sanaturalstateofbreathingthatinvariablyimpactsourlongtermabilitytoremaincalm.Whatsetsprofessionaladrenalineseekers(thinkRedBullAdventurers)asidefromtheaveragepersonstandingonaclifftopabouttojump?Ourabilitytobellybreathe/consciouslybreathe/orbreathmanipulation.Whenweskiporshallowbreatheweinadvertentlytellourbrainthatwe’reinpanicmode,causingittogointo‘flightorfight’mode.Manyofusstayinthismodefromthemomentwewakeuptothetimewefallasleepatnight.It’snotournaturalstatetobeonalertallthetime.Spikesaregood,constantelevationisnot.

Learningtheartofconsciousdeepbreathingisagoodstarttoloweringourcountofstresshormoneproductionandsettingusonaroadtorecovery.ImentionedabovethatIfirmlybelievewe’reagenerationofstressaddictsandhereiswhy.Anaddictissomeonewhostartstomakeexcusesorinjectpositiveconnotationsaroundtheirmisgivings.

• Ican’tlivewithoutstress• I’dbeboredwithoutstressfuldeadlines• I’veneverbeenagoodsleeperanyway• StressandIgohandinhand• Lifeisjustone,bigchaoticmess,butIwouldn’thaveitany

otherway.• Don’ttalktomeaboutstress!Mystresswillbeatyours

handsdown.• I’mmoreproductivewhenI’mstressed.

Butwiththegood,comesthebad.Ittakesyouthreedaystorelaxwhenyougoonholiday,becauseyou’vegenuinelyforgottenhow.You’realwaysthefirsttocatchthecoldthatisalwayspresentonthoselonghaulhomeboundflights.Thisisduetoyourimmunesystembeingradicallysuppressedbytheconstantstress.Theonlyreasonyoudidn’tattractthefluearlier,wasduetoyourstresshormonestellingyourbrainthatyoudidn’thavetimetobesick!Themomentyourelax-Boom!Yournaturalimmunitykicksin,butfails,miserably.

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OurHippocampusactivityisimpaired(braincellsdie)causingforgetfulnessandinhibitsthelearningofnewcognitiveskills

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• Yoursleeppatternshavechanged.Althoughyoufeeltiredatnight,youfailtofallasleepbefore10pm,sohavegivenuptrying,optinginsteadtostayuplate,watchingTVorcatchinguponemails.

• Youwakesporadicallythroughoutthenight,andwakeinthemorningfeelinglikeyou’venotsleptatall.

• Anydreamsyourememberareofworktasksordeliverablesasthesearethehabitualthoughtimprintsthatconsumeyourmindduringyourwakingmoments.

• Youfindithardtodisconnectfromthechatterandthoughtsthatareconstantlyrunningthroughyourmind.

• Youfeelimpatientifsomeonetalksslowlyordoesn’tgetstraighttothepointoftheirstory.

• Ifsomeoneweretoinsistyoutakeaweekoffwork,you’dfretaboutallthelosthours,andtheincreaseofworkloadthatwouldpileupinyourabsence,meaningyou’dratherNOThavethatidyllicholidaywhenofferedtoyou!

Ifyoucanrelatetoanyofthesestatements,thenbebold,bebraveandadmitthatperhapsyoutooare…

Youstarttoshallowbreathe,orskipbreathe,meaningfreshoxygenfailstobesuppliedinfulltothebrain.Thebrainrequires20%ofallO2inhaledinordertoremaininoptimalfunction.

Tomakemattersworse,whenthestresscycleimpairsourhormonalandchemicalprocesses,ourlimbicresonancewithothers(that’sourhearttoheartcompassionandempathy)fadesmeaningwenolongerinspireotherstothinkcreativelyonourbehalf!

ADDICTEDTOSTRESS!

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Chronicstresshowever;• Dampensyourimmunity,• Lowersyourlibido,• DampensthereactiontimesoftheExecutive

Functioningcenterofthebrain(meaningcriticalthinking,reasoning,riskawareness,bigpicturethinking,allgoesoutthewindow)

• Reducesyourtolerancetodailystressorsandnoise• Reducesyourcreativity• Increasestheonsetofmoodimbalances• Reducesthebrainsnaturalproductionofcritical

hormonesthatarerequiredforsleep• Increaseschemicalsandaminoacidslinkedto

inflammation,meaningwearemorepronetobodyachesandpains.Nowwhat?

There’sareasonwhythecountofterminalillnessaroundthewesternworldisontherise.In1952itwasestimatedthat17%ofthewesternpopulationwouldhaveCanceratsometimeovertheirlives.In2012,thatstatistichadrisento78%.Wenowknowscientificallythatover90%ofallillnessanddiseaseinourlivesisduetoourthoughtsandfeelings.Acutestressisexciting.Nevergiveuplookingforit.ChronicStresshowever,isyourresponsetotherelentlesstasksorfactorsthatyoufeelareintrusivetoyouorviolateyourpersonalvaluesystem.

Andoneoftheworsteffectsofstressaddictionisonethatformeisnowanon-negotiablerequirementinmylife,andshouldbeinyoursalso.

• ChronicstressrestrictsthebrainsproductionofthechemicalsandhormonesthatallowustohavetheabilitytoLAUGH.

Seriously.Whenyoulosetheabilitytofindhumorinthesimplestofcomedies,it’stimetoact.Weallknowthesaying“ToLive,toLaugh,toLove”,thesearethecorerequirementsofourjourneyswithinthislife.Whythenwouldwestrivetocontinuetoclimbaladderthatisleaningupagainstthewrongwall?

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2.DiaphragmbreathingPracticediaphragmaticbreathing;takealong,slowbreathinthroughthehose,makingsureyourtummyrisesandpushesoutwhenyoudo

AnotherstudyperformedatStanfordUniversityalsoshowedthatthesimpleactofgettingoutside,intonature(notwalkingbetweenbuildings,butthroughtreesorattheocean)wasenoughtochangeastudentsbrainstateinstantlytoAlpharelaxedstate

3.GetintoNature

GOHUGSOMETREES!

so,holdthatinforacountof5,thenslowlybreathouragainthroughthenose.

Therearemultipleactivationsatworkhere;whenyouslowyourbreath,youaresendingasignaltothebraintellingitthatyou’resafe,andthereforetostopproductionofthestresshormonesandchemicalsthatshutoffcreativethinking.

Nasalbreathingalsoensuresfreshlycleanedoxygen(vianose)reachesthebrainefficiently.

StepstosuccessWeoweittoourselvestobethebestpersonwecanbe,tomasterourthoughtsandtoownourhappiness.Todothis,allweneed,istogobacktothebasicsandbuildanewfoundation.

Whenwelaugh,ourbrainproducesaquartetoffeelgoodneurotransmitters;Dopamine,serotonin,oxytocinandendorphins.

1.PracticeLaughing

WhenChronicStressinvadesourlivesandoursympatheticnervoussystemtakescontrol,rampingupthestresshormonesandtellingthebraintoreduceproductionofthesefourneurotransmitters.Thisbeginsachicken/eggproblem.Whenwefeelongoingstress,ourabilitytonaturallyfindhumorandlaughisreduced(sometimescompletelyoppressed).However,whenwelaugh,ourproductionofstresshormones(cortisol)isreduced.Theanswerthereforeistofindhumoreverywhere,andtolaughasoftenasyoucan.Yourbraindoesnotknowthedifferencebetweenrealorfakelaughter,eitherwayitwillkickstartproductionofthesechemicals,henceweneedto‘fakeittillwemakeit’naturally!

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Yodafamouslysaid,

Youwillknow(thegoodfromthebad)whenyouarecalm,atpeace

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Whenstressinvades,themostcommonoutcomeisthatweneglectotheraspectsofourselves

4.BePresent

Suchasourhealth,homelivesandourrelationships.Ourfamilysuffers,ourchildrenfeelourstress,andthelevelsofanxietyaresharedandincreased.Acknowledgmentofthisfactisthefirststeptomakingadifference.Thesecondstepistopromiseyourselfthatwhenyoustepthroughthedoorathome,youwillmentallystopworkandbefullyengagedinthepeoplewaitingforyouthere.Thebiggestproblemwithparentswhofeeloverwhelmedwithinthehome,istheirhabitualmultitasking.Theybecomeanxiousifachildconstantlyinterruptstheironingorcleaning,lettingthoughtsofnotbeingallowedtocompleteanythingcomefrontofmind.ToactivelyfocusONLYonthechildinthatmoment,todropeverythingandsay‘yes’toplayingagamewholeheartedlywiththem,THATisthetruemeasureofanengagedparent.Whenyouforgiveyourselffornotgettingthroughallthehouseholdchores,andprioritizethequalityoftherelationshipswithinyourhomeaboveallelse,stressreallydoesstarttodropaway.Schedulinghouseholdchorestocoincidewithdowntimeafterthechildrenareinbed,andbeingOKwiththatchoiceismovingyouonefurthersteptowardtheroadofstressmastery.

Lifemeanstolive.Manyofusthesedaysaresadlynotlivingatall,butgoingthroughthemotionsinordertopaythebills.Someofthehappiestpeopleonearthhavenomoneyormaterialassetstoname.Whenwerealizethathappinessisastateofmindthat’s100%withinourowncontrol,isn’titthenalsoinourpowertorecoverfromstress,overwhelmandfrustrationtoliveinpeace?

Finalwords

Breathe,move,smile,laughandbepresent.Everythingelseisunimportant.