Apples and Oranges 10-12-12_final
Transcript of Apples and Oranges 10-12-12_final
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APPLES AND ORANGES
by
Alfred Uhry
As of 10/12/12 - FINAL version w/ updated pagination
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MARIE
Yesterday I was waiting for the bus on Lexington Avenue and I noticed everybody was
looking up. So I did, too, and there was this big banner floating behind a little plane. I
don’t know what it was advertising, but it said in huge letters WHO ARE YOU? Who are
you? And I thought, immediately, I’m Carl’s sister. Not I’m Ernie’s wife. Not I’m
Casey’s mother. Not even I’m Marie Brenner. No. After everything that’s happened andall he put me through, that’s still how I see myself. Carl’s sister - like it was stamped on
my birth certificate. We had an adversarial relationship, my brother and me. That’s putting
it mildly. Our first encounter occurred when I was a new born brought home from the
hospital. Carl threw me out of a window.
CARL
First of all it was a screen porch. And second, I simply set you down on the grass.
MARIE
How do you know what you did? You were two years old.
CARL
I have total recall.
MARIE
Mama said you threw me.
CARL
Mama exaggerated everything. She was a drama queen. That's where you get it from.
MARIE
(to us)
Carl was good at those little jabs. He always managed to make me feel like a gate crasher
in my own family.
CARL
Oh please! It was always about you. The whole damn house was about you. Be sweet to
your baby sister. Come to Marie's tap dance recital. Drop off Marie at cheer leading
practice.
MARIE
You were so jealous of me being a cheerleader.
CARL
Right. I loved all that squealing and jumping up and down. And you were so graceful at
it! Like those hippopotamuses trying to do ballet in Fantasia.
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MARIE
I did not look like a hippopotamus. I was just a little plump.
CARL
A little?
MARIE
At least I did something extracurricular.
CARL
I joined the John Birch Society when I was fifteen.
MARIE
Yes you did.
CARL
And I was the first junior member of the NRA in San Antonio.
MARIE
That should give you an idea of how connected we were. Carl's interests were riflery and
the Wagnerian Ring Cycle. Mine were potato chips and The Beach Boys. Mama called us
apples and oranges. As adults, for a number of years, he lived in the middle of
Washington State and I lived on the East Side of Manhattan - in other words as far away
from each other as we could get in the continental United States. But we did communicate.
CARL
(on the phone)
Where will you be Friday between noon and two?
MARIE
I don't know.
CARL
You have to be at home. Promise you'll be at home.
MARIEWhy?
CARL
The fruit is coming. It has to be refrigerated immediately.
MARIE
Why?
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CARL
Because we're not talking about that garbage that passes for fruit you and your fancy
friends spend a fortune on at Eli Zabar's. These are Arirang Pears, two dozen precious
Arirang pears. I picked them myself.
MARIEThank you.
CARL
Don't give any away. And don't let anybody try to cook any of them.
MARIE
What am I going to do with twenty-four pears?
CARL
Savor them - like caviar.
MARIE
Right.
CARL
Let me know the minute they arrive. Examine each piece of fruit before you put it in the
refrigerator. And keep the slip in case I have to demand a refund from UPS.
MARIE
Jesus!
CARL
Don't take our Lord's name in vain.
MARIE
We're Jewish, Carl.
CARL
Speak for yourself.
MARIEWe don't have one drop of anything but Jewish blood.
CARL
Neither did Lord Jesus.
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MARIE
You're impossible!
(to us)
But he was kind of right. We come from a long line of German Jews who settled in San
Antonio, Texas a hundred years ago. The Brenners were non-observant, to say the least.The only icons in our house were pinatas. Which were strung up and bashed for every
family occasion. When forms asked for my religion, I was always tempted to write down
Tex Mex. It's probably no coincidence that we got as far away from San Antonio as we
could. Albeit in different directions. But now and then, when our parents were still alive,
we'd go home at the same time for some occasion or other.
CARL
I read the thing in Vanity Fair.
MARIE
(to us)
The first investigative piece of mine they published. It was about Whitewater. I was very
proud of it.
CARL
Not bad.
MARIE
Thank you.
CARL
I made some comments.
MARIE
(to us)
And he handed me a copy of the article, road mapped with red pencil on every page.
(to him)
For God's sake, Carl!
CARL
You're my sister. You bear my name. You represent the family. I don't want people
thinking we're uninformed.
MARIE
What the hell are you talking about?
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CARL
Well. On page 4, you credit some remark to 'a source close to the vice president'. That's
sloppy.
MARIE
It was told to me off the record.
CARL
Well it sounds like baloney. Like you're just quoting yourself and want it to sound
important. You can do better than that.
MARIE
(to us)
That was Carl's version of a compliment.
After Mama and Daddy died, we rarely saw each other. I certainly didn't go to Washington
state and Carl stayed away from New York. Mostly.
CARL
(on the phone)
Where are you and Ernie having Thanksgiving?
MARIE
Why?
CARL
I may be coming in.
MARIE
Why would you do that?
CARL
Because Amanda wants to come.
MARIE
(to us)
There was always an Amanda. Or a Bettina. Or something. There were always women in
his life. Always. When I was in junior high school my friends begged to spend the night at
our house because they might just catch Carl in a towel on his way to the shower.
Unfortunately it didn't work both ways.
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None of his friends were remotely interested in me. But whether I liked it or not, Carl was
a chick magnet. Unfortunately his taste was usually terrible.
CARL
And go shopping with her. Amanda likes stores.
MARIE
Look, Carl, I'm really busy right now.
CARL
Doing what?
MARIE
I have to turn in another draft of the tobacco industry book before Christmas because all of
a sudden there's movie interest in it and we're having two of the bathrooms regrouted and
Casey is applying to colleges and I don't have time for your bullshit.
CARL
It's not like Thanksgiving is a big hassle for you. You buy everything.
MARIE
So why do you want to come?
CARL
I don't. Amanda does. And she makes killer candied sweet potatoes.
MARIE
I hate candied sweet potatoes.
CARL
You hate any food that isn't delivered to your house by an illegal alien. Mama was a
wonderful cook. Didn't she teach you anything?
MARIE
She taught me to get the hell away from you as fast as I could.
CARL
I think we'll fly in the weekend before. Get us some ballet tickets, okay? Amanda used to
be a ballerina. I'll pay you back.
MARIE
(to us)
Well, she walked like a ballerina. I'll give her that - on the balls of her feet with the toes
slightly pointed out.
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And she draped herself in shawls all the time, even when she was leaning over the stove.
But Carl was right. Amanda was a great cook. My daughter Casey loved the sweet
potatoes. Amanda taught her how to make them and we've had them every year since. It
was her last Thanksgiving at home before she went off to college.
CARLWhere is Casey going again?
MARIE
We're hoping for early decision at Brown. But there's also Beloit and Oberlin. And we
have three good safeties.
CARL
We? Are you going too?
MARIEAnd how many children have you prepared for going to college?
CARL
What does that have to do with it?
MARIE
You don't know what you're talking about.
CARL
Oh, I think I do. You're just clutching at those mama straws because you don't want her to
go away and leave you with nothing to do.
MARIE
I have plenty to do, thank you.
CARL
Undergraduate doesn't matter anyway. Casey should just go somewhere like Cornell
Agricultural School after college. She needs to learn to be a farmer if she’s going into the
family business.
MARIE Now who's clutching? Who said she was going into the fruit business?
CARL
There is one lesson that is the most important. You have to learn to dig in the dirt. That's
what running orchards is about. How to dig.
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MARIE
Casey doesn't want to run an orchard.
CARL
It’s in her blood.
MARIE
Oh please!
CARL
I was in my thirties before I saw the light. Any sweet potatoes left?
MARIE
(to us)
The weekend was interminable.
CARL
I'm going for a run in the park. Anybody want to join?
MARIE
(to us)
And off he went. For hours. Amanda Ballerina drifted around the house in her shawls,
waiting for him to return. One time I came in on them slow dancing around my living
room, tightly pressed together. They didn't even know I was there.
(to Carl)I wish you wouldn't do that.
CARL
You mean dance?
MARIE
I mean like that. It looks trashy. And it gives the wrong idea to Casey.
CARL
What? That men and women like to touch each other?
MARIE
It's suggestive.
CARL
You and Ernie never dance?
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MARIE
Not like that.
CARL
I believe it.
MARIE
Lay off, okay?
(to us)
Finally, when they were leaving for JFK, Carl took me aside.
CARL
I haven't told you the real reason I came to New York.
MARIE
What is it? He handed me a letter.
CARL
It will explain everything.
MARIE
Just tell me.
CARL
There isn't time.
MARIEYou've been here over a week!
CARL
The moment wasn't right.
MARIE
Just tell me, for Christ's sake!
CARL
Watch your mouth. And don't say anything to Ernie.
MARIE
(to us)
Letters from Carl were usually toxic. This letter was neatly typed, as all Carl’s
communications tended to be. He’d written it before he came. He’d never intended to tell
me face to face.
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CARL
Dear Marie,
I have a lot to tell you. I have put it in writing so you could absorb it quietly. You might
be able to save my life. You always say you're good at investigating things and I have a
disease that needs investigating. If I limit myself to what the FDA has approved, I could be dead in a year - or sooner. But a drug in a clinical trial may keep me alive and fully
active for some time. And a cure could be discovered in the interim. That's the reality,
Marie. I don't want anybody else to hear about this until I am ready to tell them. When I
am ready to disclose it to Casey, or Ernie or anybody else is for me to decide. I strongly
implore you to honor my request 100 percent. You don't have to participate if you don't
want to. Your brother, Carl Brenner.
MARIE
I was in the middle of doing a piece on the tobacco industry and I had an appointment the
next day in Washington with a disgruntled R J Reynolds employee who was ready to talk.
And he talked all right, but I couldn't concentrate. So I went to the ladies room and called
my brother.
CARL
(on the phone)
Carl Brenner.
MARIE
(on the phone)What is all this, Carl?
CARL
Adenocarcinoma.
MARIE
What?
CARL
You heard me.
MARIE
That sounds like some kind of cancer.
CARL
Lung.
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MARIE
But you don't smoke. You never smoked.
CARL
You did.
MARIE
You're saying I gave you lung cancer?
CARL
Stop thinking about yourself.
MARIE
How could you possibly have lung cancer?
CARL
That's not the point. The point is I have it.
MARIE
Are you sure? I mean did you see an oncologist? And what kind of oncologist do they
have in Wenatchee, Washington anyway? You're in great shape, Carl. Your color is good.
You eat like a horse. You have more energy than anybody I know. You've been
misdiagnosed, ok?
CARL
I am terminating this conversation.
MARIE
(to us)
And he hung up on me. I called him back.
CARL
(answering machine)
This is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct
message.
MARIEHe didn't pick up. And he didn't return either. This went on for a while. It is in our DNA
to be easily wounded.
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CARL
(answering machine)
This is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct
message.
MARIE
(on the phone)
Come on, Carl. You're being such an asshole. How can I possibly do anything for you if
you don't talk to me?
CARL
This is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct
message.
MARIE
(to us)
Since I was thirteen I have always had a note pad with me in case I felt the urge to write
something down. A born journalist. I am a collector of information - a solver of problems.
And all I was getting from Carl was silence.
(to Carl)
What do I have to do to get you to talk to me? Come to Wenatchee Washington or
wherever it is you live?
(to us)
And this time he picked up.
CARL
No fancy clothes, all right? None of your women's lib get-ups. People don't dress like you
do here. Don't stand out. Don't embarrass me. Don't tell anybody on the plane that you're
my sister. Don't even mention my name.
MARIE
(to us)
And there I was, headed for a place in apple country I had trouble finding on the map. On
the plane I was thinking about the day apples entered our lives. It was at Christmas dinner
in San Antonio the year Casey was born.
CARL
I'm moving to Washington.
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MARIE
Oh my God! Did you take a job with the administration? That's so exciting!
CARL
Not that Washington - Washington state.
MARIE
For what?
CARL
Apples.
MARIE
You can't get good ones here?
CARL
Not apples to eat. Apples to grow.
MARIE
Why would you do that?
CARL
Guess what, Marie? There's a whole world outside of those dress magazines you work
for.
MARIE
Vanity Fair is not a dress magazine!
CARL
There are real people in real towns doing real work. Not muckrakers like you and parasites
like me. I want to get my hands dirty and work up a healthy sweat. And I want to
contribute something real for a change - no double talk, no spin. Just plain good fruit. I'm
shutting down my law practice. I'm putting my house up for rent. And I've made an offer
on a couple of orchards.
MARIE
Jews don't farm, Carl. Who do you think you are? Johnny Applestien?
CARL
Is that supposed to be funny?
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MARIE
(to us)
And off he went to Washington state. The details of his apple ventures remained pretty
much a mystery, except to Ernie. Odd, when you consider that Carl and Ernie had almost
nothing to do with each other, but Ernie was a money manager by profession and Carltrusted him.
CARL
Family takes care of family. Daddy taught me that.
MARIE
(to us)
Whenever I snooped around to find out what was what, Ernie would say ‘Your brother is
doing fine. Stay out of it.’ Ernie’s great at his job.
When the plane landed in Wenatchee, Carl was waiting for me in the parking lot, leaningagainst his pick-up truck.
He was wearing jeans, an old sheepskin coat, boots, Marlboro Man regalia minus the
cigarette.
CARL
Welcome to real America.
MARIE
Don't start that bullshit.
CARL
Watch your mouth.
MARIE
Bullshit.
CARL
OK, Marie. Hop up. What's the matter? What happened to your Texas? You forget how
to get in a pickup?
MARIE
My pants are a little tight.
(to us)
And he held out his hand and pulled me up beside him. It was strange to hold his hand. I
couldn't remember ever doing it before.
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He drove into Wenatchee and pulled into a motel, The Hawthorne Inn, which was
sandwiched between a Midas Muffler Shop and a hamburger stand called Dusty's.
CARL
I got you a room here.
MARIE
Thank you.
CARL
It took some doing.
MARIE
I'm sure. Isn't this where you used to stay when you first came out here?
CARL
I still do.
MARIE
What? I thought you had an apartment.
CARL
Why would I do that?
MARIE
I don't know. Most people would find it a little cramped living in a motel room.
CARLI'm not most people.
MARIE
Carl, you made a lot of money all those years you practiced law. Surely you could have
bought yourself a house or something.
CARL
I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. Nobody puts on airs in apple country.
MARIE
(to us)
Certainly nobody put on airs at the Hawthorne Inn.
(to Carl)
What's that smell?
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CARL
Chlorine. There's a swimming pool on the lower level. I hope you brought your suit.
MARIE
I didn't.
CARL
Maybe we can pick one up for you. They sell women's clothes in the back of the hardware
store.
MARIE
Great.
CARL
Your room's right across from the swimming pool.
MARIE
(to us)
Where the eau de chlorine perfume was ten times stronger, and there was a great view of
the Midas Muffler parking lot. Carl's view wasn't much better, except you could see the
Cascade Mountains from his window poking up in the distance beyond the railroad tracks.
(to Carl)
I can't believe you actually live here.
CARLWhy? What else do I need?
MARIE
Well, a closet might be nice.
CARL
Closets are a waste of space. I can keep an eye on everything all the time.
MARIE
(to us)
And he could. All his clothes - shirts, sweaters, underwear, socks and the like - were
stacked in color coded piles. His shoes, brilliantly shined, were arranged in shoe treed
pairs under the window. Every inch of the room was crammed with his belongings - all in
perfect order. It was weird.
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CARL
Come on. I'll take you out to dinner.
MARIE
It's not even five o'clock.
CARL
We'll grab the Early Bird Special.
MARIE
(to us)
There were no other cars when we pulled into the Windmill parking lot.
MARIE
(to Carl)Are you sure they're open?
(he gives her a classic Carl dirty look)
CARL
Hey, Blanca, how are you tonight? I'll have the Caesar salad, the sirloin medium rare, a
baked potato with sour cream and butter and chocolate cream pie.
MARIE
The salmon, please, and a salad with oil and vinegar dressing on the side. And coffee. No
dessert.
CARL
Bring her a good slab of raspberry meringue pie. We're gonna teach her to eat like normal
people.
(she takes out her notebook)
What are you doing?
MARIE
Making notes.
CARL
Why?
MARIE
So I'll remember. I don't take pictures.
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CARL
It's annoying as hell. Like you're spying on everybody.
MARIE
You are so paranoid.
(to us)
I watched my brother put away all that food. What kind of cancer could possibly give
someone that much appetite? The meringue on my mammoth hunk of pink pie stood at
least four inches high.
CARL
Ever see anything like that? You oughta' send Eli Zabar out here to learn how to cook.
MARIE
(to us)He devoured all of his pie and most of mine. Then the check came.
CARL
Look here, Blanca. We get the Early Bird rate, which is 10 percent off, but you charged
full price for her glass of wine.
(pause)
Well, then it oughta say right on the menu that the charge for alcoholic beverage is full price
at all times. You need to take 70 cents off this bill.
(to Marie)You can't be careful enough.
MARIE
His version of taking me out to dinner was splitting the check down the middle, except, of
course I had to pay for that wine. And he left a tip you could hardly see. I added to it.
CARL
Why do you always want to spend so much money? What are you trying to prove?
MARIE
(to us)
What a good time I was having! We drove back to the Hawthorne in silence.
CARL
Wheels up at five thirty.
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MARIE
Why 5:30?
CARL
Early start. That's how it's done out here. Good night.
MARIE
Carl, wait! I need to talk to you.
CARL
About what?
MARIE
What do you think? The cancer.
CARL
Adenocarcinoma. I told you.
MARIE
You don't have any symptoms.
CARL
How would you know?
MARIE
You don't act sick.
CARLWell, I am.
MARIE
I don't get it.
CARL
Good night.
MARIE
Wait a minute! God Damn it, Carl!
CARL
Shhhh!
MARIE
Do you realize that I have spent nine hundred dollars to fly out here? I have abandoned,
my work and my child and my husband because you asked for my help. You could at least
talk to me, Carl.
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CARL
Come to my room.
MARIE
(to us)And I did.
He pulled out some manila envelopes.
CARL
I'll tell you what they say. The first one is from the Wenatchee Clinic a year ago.
MARIE
You’ve known about this for a year?
CARLHush. And listen. 'Patient complains of persistent cough.' And the blue one - Seattle
Metropolitan Hospital in March. 'lung biopsy recommended'. And stapled to it are the
results. Brenner, Carl. Male, Caucasian. Adenocarcinoma. Patient is not a smoker but has
smoke damage from his military service. '
MARIE
What military service?
CARL
The National Guard.
MARIE
You only went weekends. How could you get smoke damage?
CARL
Search and rescue training sessions. How to save people in fires. And that other one is
from the oncologist in San Francisco. 'Confirming prior diagnosis. Adenocarcinoma. And
then the last one ------
MARIE
Why don't you sue the army?
CARL
Can't prove anything.
MARIE
I bet you could if you had the right lawyer.
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CARL
I am a lawyer, remember.
MARIE
I know, but I happened to read this article last year on military law suits and apparently
there are whole firms who do nothing but ------
CARL
I'm way ahead of you. This is not helpful, Marie. Stop.
MARIE
But -----weekend search and rescue missions, for God's sake. It's just so random! Out of
nowhere! It doesn't make any sense. I don't believe it!
CARL
Yes you do.
(she starts to cry)
CARL
That isn't helpful either, Marie.
MARIE
I know. I'm sorry. I can’t help it.
CARL
Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.
MARIE
(to us)
Sleep? Not a chance. I just lay there on that sagging mattress flipping through the rolodex
my mind had turned into. Who did I know? Where do I start? I made mental lists. Right!
Right! Yes! I was off and running. At 5:30 am I was in the lobby when Carl appeared.
CARL
Sleep well?
MARIE
Are you kidding? Okay. I think the first thing we need to do is get back to New York and
have you looked over at Sloan-Kettering. Agreed?
CARL
No. I think the first thing we need to do is have breakfast.
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MARIE
And he steered me across Wenatchee Avenue to the Big Y Diner, which was buzzing, even
at that ungodly hour.
CARL
Orchard men.
MARIE
Ah.
CARL
Morning, Vernon. Hey, Joe. Vikings are gonna get their ass whipped on Sunday. (a
reply) Yeah, but look at the point spread. (another reply) Unh Hunh. We'll see about that.
Hiya Wilma. I'll have the farmer's special.
MARIEI'll have coffee, please, and dry toast.
CARL
Hell with that. Bring her the big boy cinnamon bun. They’re famous here.
MARIE
(to us)
The farmer's special was a sausage cheese and ham omelet the size of a snowshoe. Carl
wolfed it down. I picked at my mountain of sugar and raisins.
CARL
Write down this is the best damn breakfast you ever had.
MARIE
I just remembered. One of Ernie’s partner’s sisters is married to Milton Rosenberg. He’s
the Chief of Cardiology at University Hospital and he’s ---
CARL
My heart is fine.
MARIE
Right, but all these guys know each other and I’ve always heard good things about the
oncology people at University, so maybe that’s where we should schedule the ---
CARL
Shhh! Not here. Let’s get a wiggle on.
22.
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MARIE
Where are we going?
CARL
I'm going to give you a test.
MARIE
Oh God!
(to us)
That was a recurrent theme from our childhood. He hadn't pulled this one in years.
CARL
I'm going to give you a test.
MARIE
(to us)
Always designed to make me look like an ignoramus.
CARL
What is the square root of 87?
MARIE
Carl!
(to us)Or
CARL
What are the three longest rivers in the world?
MARIE
Who cares?
CARL
This is important, Marie. You need to live in the world around you.
MARIE
I do live in the world around me. I'm an investigative journalist.
CARL
So you say.
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MARIE
Test about what?
CARL
Get in the truck.
MARIE
Where are we going?
CARL
Cashmere.
MARIE
You're taking me shopping?
CARL
Cashmere is a town.
MARIE
(to us)
And so it was. High up in the Cascades.
(to Carl)
What is all this?
CARLWhat does it look like?
MARIE
Dead trees.
CARL
Wrong.
MARIE
Then what?
CARL
Dormant orchards.
MARIE
Was that the test?
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CARL
No.
MARIE
(to us)And he stopped at a roadside market.
CARL
Wait in the truck.
MARIE
What the hell is all this, Carl?
CARL
Wait in the truck.
MARIE
(to us)
He was back in five minutes.
(to Carl)
What's in the bag?
CARL
Why do you always have to know everything?
MARIE
(to us)
And we drove. Up and up and up. Off the road and through an orchard. Up some more.
CARL
Ok. Get out.
MARIEMy God!
CARL
Yeah.
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MARIE
This is magnificent.
(to us)
It was staggering. Steep green hills rolling down to sparkling blue Lake Chelan and the
snow capped Cascades rising majestically on the other side. It could’ve been the Alps.Julie Andrews and little Von Trapps could’ve come yodeling out of the woods.
(to Carl)
Jesus Christ!
CARL
Don't talk like that.
MARIE
(to us)And I followed him on foot to the top of the hill.
(to Carl)
Does all of this land belong to you?
CARL
Not Lake Chelan down there. Not the mountains on the other side. But everything else
you can see.
MARIE
It would make a great resort.
CARL
Bite your tongue.
MARIE
He took apples out of the bag.
CARL
Your test.
MARIEHe cut a slice from each apple.
CARL
Which one is the best?
(she starts tasting)
Don't gobble. Taste.
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MARIE
An apple is an apple.
CARL
Pretend you're at one of your Park Avenue wine tastings. Savor.
MARIE
I’ll try.
CARL
Don't rush it. Check the sweet factor. The tart factor. The crisp factor. And don't forget
the liquidity.
MARIE
You're making me nervous.
CARLCome on, Marie.
MARIE
I don't know. They’re just apples.
CARL
You mean they're all the same?
MARIE
Pretty much.
CARL
So you pick none of them.
MARIE
I guess.
CARL
What if I tell you that all of them - the Jonagold, the Gala, the Braeburn, the Spitzenberg
and the Fuji come from this orchard?
MARIEOk. I flunked your damn test. Sorry.
CARL
For what?
MARIE
I dissed your whole orchard.
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CARL
Yes! And you're right!
MARIE
I am?
CARL
100 percent! Thank you!
MARIE
You are so weird, Carl!
CARL
I'm going to rip out every one of these trees.
MARIE
They aren't that bad!
CARL
They're not that good either. But I know one that is.
MARIE
Why didn't you have me taste that one?
CARL
Because they don't grow here. Yet. The name is Honey Crisp - tart, sweet, juicy, good
keeper - everything. I've been following them for a while. Guy in Minnesota developed
them by mistake. Lucky bastard was trying to cultivate another variety and one of the freakoffshoots produced this.
MARIE
So why don’t they grow here?
CARL
They can be hell to cultivate. Sandy soil up here may not accept 'em. They're thin skinned,
too. The stems are short so the pickers have to use very little shears to get them off the
trees. And they can develop bitter pit.
MARIEWhat's bitter pit?
CARL
When the skin of the fruit gets bumps all over - kind of like apple acne.
It's a helluva gamble.
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MARIE
(to us)
He had never spoken about any of his women like this. He was a man in love.
CARLThe apple game can be a bitch, you know. Tastes change on a dime. Take your Red
Delicious. America's favorite for years. Then the market bottomed out. Nobody knows
why. Now those damn Grannies from New Zealand are the rage. Honey Crisp is next. I
know it. And I can be ahead of the curve. If I live long enough.
MARIE
Of course you’ll live long enough. I’m going to get you to the best doctors in New York.
CARL
No! No more doctors! I’ve been up to here with doctors for the last thirteen months and
they all say the same thing. I need something else. That’s where you come in.
Keep an eye out for trials that may be coming up. You're good at sticking your nose in
everybody's business.
MARIE
Thanks a lot.
CARL
I’m sure I'm a good candidate for anything out there. They caught it early and I'm in
reasonable shape. I've had almost no deterioration.
MARIE
You certainly haven’t.
CARL
Don't mention my name. Just say you're researching an article. And don't shoot your
mouth off about me to all your fancy girlfriends. You know how much trouble you
have keeping secrets.
MARIE
You asked me not to say anything to Ernie and Casey and I haven’t.
CARL
Well hell. Tell ‘em. But don’t hoke it up. You know what a drama queen you are.
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MARIE
That’s not so!
(to us)
But it kind of was. We got in the truck and drove back to Wenatchee. Carl pulled up at the
airport.
(to Carl)
I'm not leaving until tomorrow.
CARL
I'm picking up a friend.
MARIE
What friend?
CARL
Annabel.
MARIE
You're bringing her up here?
CARL
What's wrong with Annabel?
MARIE
Nothing. Where does she get those earrings?
CARL
You never like my friends.
MARIE
I didn't say I don't like her. I said she wears grotesque earrings.
CARL
Maybe that's the style in the movie business.
MARIE
(to us)
Annabel was an agent or something.
CARL
Annabel appreciates the real America when she sees it. She loves it up here.
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MARIE
Good for her. I need to call New York.
CARL
Why?
MARIE
To see if I got the go ahead on the piece about Meryl Streep.
CARL
That woman is the devil incarnate. You can't write about her.
MARIE
Why not?
CARL
She ruined the apple business.
MARIE
What are you talking about?
CARL
Meryl Streep went on Sixty Minutes and said that all the apples in Washington State were
being sprayed with alar and that alar was carcinogenic. Every woman in America went
nuts. Nobody bought apples for a year.
MARIEBlame the alar, not Meryl Streep.
CARL
It wasn't true! Alar is perfectly safe. She ruined the apple business.
MARIE
And how many years ago was this?
CARL
I don't know. Ten or fifteen.
MARIE
People seem to be eating plenty of apples now.
CARL
I don't care. She betrayed the good people of Washington state. I forbid you to glorify her.
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MARIE
You can't tell me what to write.
CARL
Somebody should. How can you call yourself a journalist when all you do is churn out
puff pieces about airhead movie stars?
MARIE
Meryl Streep is not an airhead. She's a great actress.
CARL
Well, she should stick to saying what's in the script - not shooting her mouth off about
things she doesn't understand.
And you should be ashamed of yourself for promoting that kind of behavior.
MARIE
Thank you, Lord God Almighty. What the hell are you doing out here anyway?
CARL
I'm not turning out garbage for stupid women to gorge on between hair appointments.
MARIE
Take a good look. Here you are sucking up to all these clod hoppers and you know what
they see? A rich Jew trying to make like an apple farmer. They're snickering at you
behind your back. Honey crisps, Jonagolds, Braeburns - who gives a shit? I'll tell you
what to do with all these orchards. Sell 'em! Get rid of them as fast as you can and put the
money and the effort into curing your cancer. Sure I'll help you, but help yourself for
Christ's sake!
CARL
Get out of my truck!
MARIE
Gladly!
(to us)And he drove off to wait for his girlfriend a few hundred yards away. When she came out,
he gave her a big kiss, tossed her bag in the back of his pickup and sped off.
In about twenty minutes he was back. I was deciding whether to acknowledge him or not,
when he climbed out of the truck, tossed my suitcase on the sidewalk and sped off again.
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Ernie and Casey were properly sympathetic when I told them. I could tell they both felt
sorry for me, which pissed me off. And what really pissed me off was it was like they'd
both already written Carl off. And I certainly wasn't going to go that route!
I called him.
CARL
This is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct
message.
MARIE
Hi, Carl. I'm meeting with the chief pulmonary oncologist at Sloan-Kettering next week.
Thought you'd want to know. Oh, and I hear they're opening up a new cancer facility at
Yale New Haven. I hear they're looking for guinea pigs. What do you think?
CARLThis is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct
message.
MARIE
(to us)
Damn him!
(on the phone)
Hi Carl. It's me. Did you get a chance to read that thing in the New England Journal of
Medicine that I sent?
(to us)
No response.
But then a Christmas box of pears came with the usual demented list of instructions. I
called to thank him.
CARL
This is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct
message.
MARIE
You know what, go to hell! Thank you for the pears.
Eventually the call came.
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CARL
What are you doing the weekend of the nineteenth?
MARIE
I don't know.
CARL
I'm coming in. The Met is doing Parsifal.
MARIE
Do I have to go with you?
CARL
That's not funny. Don't make jokes about Wagner.
MARIE
Are you bringing a friend?
CARL
No.
MARIE
(to us)
And he came alone. Did he look pale or was that the drama queen kicking in?
CARLI have something to tell you.
MARIE
What?
CARL
You're going to be an aunt.
MARIE
I'm what?
CARL
Pamela is going to have a baby.
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MARIE
Oh My God!
(to us)
Pamela was a lighting designer for regional theatres. She was an unusual combination of
mousey and opinionated. She was pretty, too, except natural light made her squint. I guessit was all that time spent in dark theatres.
(to Carl)
When?
CARL
I don't know.
MARIE
How can you not know?
CARL
Well, she isn't pregnant yet, but we're trying.
MARIE
Pamela's over forty, isn't she?
CARL
I guess.
MARIE
She travels all the time.
CARL
So? She'll take it with her.
MARIE
And what'll you do?
CARL
Be its father. I've always wanted to be a dad.
MARIE No you haven't.
CARL
How would you know?
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MARIE
Well, for one thing, you are incapable of holding a conversation for five minutes that isn't
about yourself and, for another, you wouldn't even touch Casey until she was four years
old and even then you acted like she was toxic.
CARLI did not. Anyway, having your own is not the same thing.
MARIE
Does Pamela know about -----
CARL
The cancer? Of course she knows. That's when we decided to go ahead.
MARIE
You told her you have lung cancer and then you decided it was a good time to have a
baby?
CARL
Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how damn smug you sound? Little miss busy busy
with the check list. Big career. Check. Child. Check. Brownstone. Check. Husband.
Check. Check check check. Okay. My life is messier. I screwed up a lot. But I know
why I've done it all and I'm glad I did. And right now seems like the perfect time for me to
be a father. I'd love him. I'd teach him stuff. And I'd know how valuable my time with
him is.
MARIE
You live in a motel. And Pamela's wrapped up in her career. And what if it's a girl?
CARL
Won't be.
MARIE
For the love of God, Carl! Don't do this! It wouldn't be fair to the child. It would be
catastrophic!
CARL
Why? Because I might die?
MARIE
You're not going to die.
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CARL
I might. And if I do then I'll leave something behind. It won't just be over. I've thought
about it, Marie. I really have. Maybe I should've done this a long time ago, like you did,
but I didn't. Who knows why? You never liked any of my girlfriends anyway.
MARIEThat's not true. I liked Melanie.
CARL
We were in high school.
MARIE
I liked the one from Mexico City.
CARL
Come on. Pamela's not so bad.
MARIE
Are you two going to get married?
CARL
That hasn't come up.
MARIE
Don't you see how screwed up all this is?
CARL
Why are you always so negative?
MARIE
Fine. Do what you want.
CARL
I will.
MARIE
You always do. Just leave me out of it, okay? Have your damn baby. Have twins. I don't
give a damn, but don't come running to me to take care of it. Because I'm too busy with my
life, as asinine as you think it is. I happen to be very proud of my life and I'm not going tomess it up taking care of some weird, squinting little Carl clone. Do you hear me?
(to us)
He went back to Wentachee that afternoon and he never mentioned a baby again. It was
like the conversation never took place. Did I talk him out of it? Or did they keep trying
and it never happened? I'll never know.
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I kept learning more and more about treatments for lung cancer. Did Carl pay any
attention? I'll never know that either. Anyway, he was incommunicado for a long time.
And then one day -- out of the blue --
CARL
I have something to tell you.
MARIE
Really?
CARL
I'm sending Casey a graduation present. Be on the lookout.
MARIE
Let me guess. Apples?
CARL
Wrong.
MARIE
Pears?
CARL
No.
MARIE
What?
CARL
You'll see.
MARIE
A big Carl box arrived a few days later - overflowing with apple jam, apple jelly, apple
chutney, apple conserve, apple muffin mix, and apple granola. Every girl graduate's dream
gift! I told Casey he meant well, and I stood over her while she made the thank you call.
Amazingly he picked up. After a sentence or two he said
CARL
Put your mother on.
MARIE
Hello
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CARL
You made her do this.
MARIE
Why do you always think the worst?
CARL
Because when it comes to you, I'm always right.
MARIE
I talked to a thoracic surgeon in Boston and I think it's worth a trip up there to have him
take a look at you. I've sent him all your files.
CARL
Back off, Marie.
MARIEExcuse me?
CARL
I said back off.
MARIE
Didn’t you ask me to help you?
CARL
Yeah. Help. Not take over. You always butt in and take over everything. I’ve got my
own doctor.
MARIE
Where?
CARL
Stanford Medical Center.
MARIE
What's his name?
CARLAdler.
MARIE
Jewish?
CARL
What's the difference?
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MARIE
Mama always said to stick with Jewish doctors, remember?
CARL
What Mama said had nothing to do with anything. You always get off point. It affects
your writing.
MARIE
Don't go at me.
CARL
He's doing a procedure on me next Wednesday.
MARIE
Why didn't you tell me about this?
CARLI am telling you about this.
MARIE
(to us)
I flew to California and met Carl at the Stanford Medical Center in Palo Alto. He looked
better than fine - lean, muscular, wearing a Ralph Lauren blazer, crisp white button down,
perfectly knotted tie, carrying a leather attache case - more like the doctor than the patient.
(to Carl)
How do you feel?
CARL
Why are you wearing all that jewelry?
MARIE
What?
CARL
You're calling attention to yourself.
MARIEFor Christ's sake, Carl!
CARL
That's blasphemy. I don't want anybody to recognize us.
MARIE
We don't know anybody here.
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CARL
You never know.
MARIE
What about this procedure you're having?
CARL
What about it?
MARIE
Well, like, what's it for?
CARL
It's experimental, painless. The doctor is in the next room and he manipulates a robot that
beams radiation at tumors on the spine. Melts them right down.
MARIEYou have tumors on your spine now?
CARL
Just a couple. Nothing to worry about.
MARIE
Nothing to worry about?
CARL
George's sister had this procedure five years ago and she's still fine.
MARIE
(to us)
George was his college fraternity brother.
(to Carl)
That's a good sign.
CARL
There's a chapel on the first floor.
MARIE
So?
CARL
I want you to pray for me.
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MARIE
Oh come on!
CARL
You want to help me? Pray for me.
MARIE
I never prayed for anything in my life except a pony for Christmas when I was eight
which I didn’t get.
CARL
Who else do I have but you?
MARIE
Okay.
(to us)I went to the chapel, feeling like a hypocrite and an idiot at the same time. I sat there for a
while. I didn't know what to say or do. I didn't want to jinx my brother, so I just sat there.
It had been a long flight and I dozed off. It didn't seem to hurt anything. And he came
through the procedure very well.
When he got out of the hospital the first place he wanted to go was the gym.
MARIE
(to Carl)
Are you sure?
CARL
Of course. I'm in great shape. See?
(Carl does ten perfect chin-ups. Suddenly
there is blood on his shirt.)
MARIE
Carl! My God! (to us) There was blood on his shirt.
CARL
It's nothing! I popped some stitches. They took out a lymph gland yesterday for a test.
Anyone can stitch me up again.
MARIE
You're acting like an idiot.
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CARL
I’m acting like a man. Obviously a subject you know nothing about!
MARIE
The doctor forbade him to drive for a while after the stitches were repaired, and he needed
to get back to his apples. Guess who was the designated chauffeur?
CARL
What’s the matter? You forget how to drive stick shift?
MARIE
Of course not!
CARL
You go so slow! You are the worst driver in the world! Who taught you to drive?
MARIE
You did.
CARL
You must not have been paying attention, as usual. You're going to kill me before I get to
die.
MARIE
You have been a selfish prick your entire life! Do you know that?
CARLI know that's what you enjoy believing.
(imitating)
My brother is so difficult. You wouldn't believe what I put up with! Saint Marie.
MARIE
Shut up.
(pause)
CARL
Why do you have on sunglasses? It's completely cloudy. And I don't think the paparazzi
is about to jump out of the Columbia River and take your picture.
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MARIE
(to us)
We spent much too long together side by side in that truck.
(to Carl)Are you okay?
CARL
Why?
MARIE
Just asking.
CARL
Well don't.
MARIE
Why? I need to know.
CARL
It's driving me crazy. I'm fine.
(pause)
You have on perfume, don't you?
MARIE
Yes.
CARL
It stinks.
MARIE
How can you say that? Ernie brought it to me from Paris.
CARL
It still stinks. I hate perfume.
MARIEYou don't hate it on your girlfriends.
CARL
You're not my girlfriend.
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MARIE
That's for sure.
(they ride along in silence)
CARLYou know that book you wrote?
MARIE
Which one?
CARL
About that newspaper family.
MARIE
The Binghams.
CARL
I saw it on the remainder table in Seattle.
MARIE
Why are you telling me that?
CARL
You need to rethink your writing.
MARIE
That book was well written. It got great reviews.
CARL
Some.
MARIE
Why does everybody I know think I'm a good writer except my own brother?
CARL
I think you're a good writer. I never said you weren't.
MARIEThen why do you always go at me?
CARL
Because you're just a good writer. I mean, that's an accomplishment, but everybody at your
level is a good writer. And you could be more. You know what's stopping you?
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MARIE
No, Carl. What's stopping me?
CARL
No guts. You never put your guts in anything. Any good writer could write your stuff.
MARIE
And what have you written lately?
CARL
I can't write. It's your gift - not mine. And you're wasting it.
MARIE
(to us)
It's pretty hard to despise a sibling with cancer spreading inside him, but I managed.
So we drove to Wenatchee, mostly in silence. I met Marc, his orchard manager. Marc was
everything Carl was not - easygoing, rational and completely nonjudgemental. I'll never
know how he put up with my brother.
It was picking season. Apple world was bustling and Carl was in his element. Parsifal
blared full blast in the truck. We drove to one of his orchards in Chelan.
CARL
There's an art to apple picking. Not everyone can do it.
MARIE
(to us)
I saw his hand reach toward an apple with an easy rhythm. I thought of how a natural
athlete reaches out at the last second for a ball which seems to float into his hand.
CARL
You have to give it a twirl. Real gentle-like.
MARIE
(to us)He covered my hand with his. Together we cupped a pink red apple. Then he pulled up
quickly and the apple fell into my hand, still warm from the sun.
CARL
Apples are delicate. They bruise easy.
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MARIE
(to us)
I don’t know. Maybe it was the day. Maybe it was the air, high up there in his orchard.
Or maybe it was the first time in my life I’d ever eaten an apple straight off the tree. It was
a revelation.
CARL
Good, right?
MARIE
Yeah.
CARL
My God!
MARIEHe found a scratch on an apple.
CARL
Somebody has long nails. They're ruining my fruit!
MARIE
He grabbed a megaphone.
CARL
Atencion! Atencion! Ven Aqui! Line up! Hace la linea!
MARIE
(to us)
He fished a nail clipper out of his pocket, handing it to anyone whose nails might bruise the
fruit. You could hear the sound of clipping as he moved down the row.
CARL
I better not find any long nails. Show me your hands. Dame los manos, por favor.
MARIE
(to us)
I couldn't watch. But the men didn't seem particularly bothered. They were used to him.
And more than that. They loved him - this crazy Texas Jew who poured his heart and his
guts and everything he had into his apples.
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CARL
Okay. Get back to work.
MARIE
(to us)The next stop was the packing house in Wenatchee.
CARL
Don't tell any of these people that you live in New York and your daughter goes to an Ivy
League school. They might get the wrong idea.
MARIE
(to us)
Odd advice, because the people I met didn't seem to speak English. We all put on the
obligatory plastic hair nets. Carl walked the line, shadowing the various sorters and packers, whose fingers flew over the fruit. Now and then he screamed at one of them.
CARL
No good! Esto no sirve! Throw it out!
MARIE
(to us)
He was a fanatic about his apples. And, like the men in the orchards, these people loved
him, too.
CARL
I’ve got to check the Honey crisps.
MARIE
(to us)
We drove up to his orchard in Cashmere, the one he had showed me the first time I was
there. It was late by now. The sun was setting. Where there had been trees, there were
now little whips in precise rows, none taller than my head. He inspected them carefully.
(to Carl)
How are they doing?
CARL
So far so good. Be a few years before we can really tell.
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MARIE
(to us)
We sat on the hill and watched the sun fall behind the mountains.
(to Carl)You really meant it, didn’t you?
CARL
What?
MARIE
What you said about contributing something real to the world.
CARL
I mean everything I say.
(pause)
Make me a promise.
MARIE
What?
CARL
You won’t sell the orchards.
MARIE
I won’t. I promise, okay?
CARL
Okay.
(switching gears)
Does Casey know how to handle weaponry?
MARIE
I seriously doubt it.
CARLWhen she comes out here I'll teach her how to use a pistol.
MARIE
I'm sure she'll be overjoyed.
CARL
She needs to know how to protect herself. Especially in your part of the country.
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MARIE
You're going to have her packing heat at Brown? Are you out of your mind?
CARL
If the Jews had been able to have guns and fight off the Gestapo, there would have been no
Holocaust. Just because she lives on the East Coast it doesn't mean she has to swallow allthat lefty crap you've been feeding her all her life.
MARIE
It's not crap. It's the truth.
CARL
It's a good thing you never had a boy.
MARIE
It's a good thing you never had any children at all.
Sorry. I didn't mean that.
(to us)
But I couldn't take it back. I went home and read every medical journal I could get my
hands on. I found some things to tell Carl, but he wasn't taking my calls. Marc Armstrong
kept me posted on his condition. Then Carl called.
CARL
You still doing a travel piece about Mumbai?
MARIEI think so.
CARL
You oughta' change it to China.
MARIE
Why?
CARL
We should go there.
MARIE
Why should we do that?
CARL
That's where the dragons are. That's what they call master doctors in China.
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MARIE
I know that.
CARL
Of course. You know everything. The dragons are going to treat me. Tell nobody.
MARIE
I thought you liked your doctor in Palo Alto.
CARL
All the good research men are in China now.
MARIE
What are you not telling me?
CARL
There you go again - a fountain of negativity flows from your brain right to your mouth.
MARIE
And he hung up on me.
It took me twenty six hours to get from New York to Beijing. Carl met me in the hotel
lobby.
CARL
Get in the car! There is something you have to see!
MARIE
(to us)
I was cranky from the long flight.
(to Carl)
I am not up for The Great Wall today. Forget it.
CARL
Who the hell wants to go to The Great Wall? Get in the car.
MARIE
(to us)
And off we went into a major traffic jam. Construction everywhere. Trucks blocking
lanes, dust clouds all over. And everyone smoking, even the people on bicycles. We pull
up in front of Carrefour, a large French supermarket. I was filling pages of my notebook.
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CARL
Look! They're selling my apples!
MARIE
(to us)And so they were. Big cellophane packs of Washington apples with the Alamo Orchards
code on the tag.
CARL
How do you like that?
MARIE
Congratulations!
CARL
Let's get back to the hotel. Allegra is waiting.
MARIE
You brought a date? To China?
CARL
Why not?
MARIE
I don't know. I just thought -------
CARL
You could've brought Ernie.
MARIE
I didn't think of it.
CARL
I'm not touching that one.
MARIE
(to us)
Allegra was beautiful - No. She was drop dead gorgeous. She owned a chain of upscale
boutiques in Houston and Dallas. She always looked stunning, no matter what time of day
or night. She was smart, too - and funny. I couldn't stand her. I noticed that Carl's shirt
was wet.
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(to Carl)
What is that?
CARL
Scorpion patches. That's what the dragons do here. They come to the hotel room and put
on these hot patches of toxin. They sweat out the poison.
MARIE
(to us)
He pulled up his shirt. His skin was full of bright red patches, like a bad sunburn.
CARL
They burn. But they work. They will make me cancer free.
MARIE
What the hell are you doing in China when you should be having radiation in New York?
This is crazy. You need to have your spleen out!
CARL
I need to do exactly what I'm doing. And if you don't think so, get back on the plane and
go home.
MARIE
(to us)But I stayed. And we went to walk on the Great Wall.
It snaked ahead of us for thousands of miles across those barren mountains - up and down
as far as the eye could see. Truly a wonder of the world.
CARL
Hey, Allegra, why don't you go on ahead with the guide? Marie needs to go slow.
(he takes her arm)
MARIE
What?
CARL
(to Allegra)
She's way out of shape.
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MARIE
(catching his signal)
I'm afraid I am.
CARLWe'll catch up with you.
MARIE
Why is your shirt all wet?
CARL
I need to go back to the car.
The goddamn patches. They're burning me. Something is leaking. They didn't tape them
correctly. Don't let Allegra see me. I don't want Allegra to know.
Maybe this trip wasn't such a great idea.
MARIE
You don't know that. Let's set a schedule for the next twelve months. There are new gene
therapies and medications all the time. We need to look at everything.
CARL
I'm glad you're here.
MARIE
We'll get through this, Carl.
CARL
God who gave me life
Preserve my life today
Lord Christ who redeemed my life
Purify my soul today
Holy Spirit, Life Companion
Walk the path with me today.
MARIE
(to us)
I don't know where he got this from, but he started reciting it aloud every morning, no
matter where he was, no matter who was within earshot. It began to grate on my nerves.
And then, before every single meal:
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CARL
Father Jesus, bless this food.
MARIE
(to us)We were on the plane going home. This was too much.
(to Carl)
There's no such thing as Father Jesus. God is the father. Jesus is the son.
CARL
Not to me.
MARIE
If you're going to do this, at least do it right!
CARL
Yesterday I confessed my sins to Father Jesus.
MARIE
Oh yeah? What did he say?
CARL
Why should I tell you? You don't believe in Him.
MARIEIf Daddy could hear you he'd have a hissy fit.
CARL
Daddy was the worst Jew in the world.
MARIE
You've got him beat. And you're making a huge ass of yourself.
CARL
Tell you what, Marie. You do it your way when you're dying of lung cancer.
MARIE
You're not dying, Carl.
CARL
There's an eleven percent survival rate for this.
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MARIE
That's right! Hundreds of people get over it every year.
(to us)
In San Francisco I had a connection to New York.
(to Carl)
I’ll come out and see you over the holidays. Maybe I’ll bring Casey.
CARL
I'm going home.
MARIE
What do you mean?
CARL
San Antonio.
MARIE
You always tell me December is the most important time in the apple business because you
lay ground for next year.
CARL
I can bring Marc to San Antonio.
MARIE
You can't do that!
CARL
Why can't I?
MARIE
Because.
CARL
That's not a reason.
MARIE
Because you can't give up. You can't.
(to us)
But he was thinner, I noticed. And his color wasn't as good. When I got home to New
York, I contacted every cancer center I could find on the internet. I called him every day.
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We expected Carl for Thanksgiving, but exactly two years after that first letter, I got
another one.
CARL
Dear Marie.
I spent Thanksgiving in Palo Alto. I hope Casey fixed the candied yams. I had three hours
of MRIs yesterday. I have twelve new lesions on the brain. I thought you should know.
Your brother, Carl Brenner.
MARIE
(on the phone)
This is not a catastrophe, Carl. People live for years with a lot of cancer in the brain. And
by then who knows what cure they could discover.
(to us)
I paced around my house in New York, being crabby and getting nothing done.
I called him.
(on the phone)
How are you?
CARL
Fine.
MARIE
Really?
CARL
Oh. Didn't I tell you? The good fairy flew in and took away all the bad cancer. How the
hell do you think I am?
MARIE
Okay. Okay.
CARLYou're driving me crazy, Marie. Lay off.
MARIE
(to us)
More pacing. More phone calls.
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CARL
This is Carl Brenner speaking. Leave your name, your telephone number and a succinct
message.
MARIE
(to us)
Five straight days of that and I was on a plane to San Antonio. I found Carl having lunch
on his patio with a flat chested little blonde woman.
CARL
This is Dahlia. We met at the gym last week. Dahlia makes a great taco salad. Have some.
MARIE
Thank you. I'm not hungry.
CARL
(to Dahlia)
This is my sister. She's trying to suffocate me.
MARIE
Could you excuse us, please, Dahlia?
CARL
What the hell are you doing here?
MARIE
You didn't answer your phone.
CARL
I was busy.
MARIE
For five days? I thought you were dead.
CARLSorry. Not yet.
MARIE
You can't do this to me!
CARL
What? Get sick and die?
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MARIE
Tell me you need me and then blow me off!
CARL
I'm just living my life - that is, what's left of it.
(looks at his watch)
You know, if you hurry, you can make the 3:48 back to Newark.
MARIE
I'm not going to do that.
CARL
Well. Hope lives eternal.
MARIE
Oh, stop it, Carl. I'm not Mama.
CARL
What does Mama have to do with it?
MARIE
That's the little game you played with her. She'd catch you doing something and fuss at
you and you'd always find a way to say something hateful back and make her cry so she'd
leave you alone.
CARLYou are the queen of drama queens.
MARIE
It's not going to work with me. You can hurt my feelings all you want but it's not going to
make me stop trying to help you.
CARL
Help me what?
MARIETake care of yourself.
CARL
I'm not doing so bad.
MARIE
Yes you are. You're losing weight and your color is off.
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CARL
Of course! I'm dying, for Christ's sake!
MARIE
I thought we're not supposed to take the name of Father Jesus in vain.
(he can't help a smile)
And stop saying you're dying. You're not. You're at a point now where anything can
happen. You need monitoring. I'll tell you what. I'll go back to New York if you come
with me.
CARL
Why would I go to New York?
MARIE
Isn't the Met doing a new production of Tannhauser?
CARL
Lohengrin.
MARIE
Right. Lohengrin. And there's a lot of other stuff going on. Concerts, theatres, all those
restaurants you like so much. And the park to run in.
CARL
And Sloan-Kettering.
MARIE
Yes. And Sloan-Kettering. It's arguably the best cancer facility in the country.
CARL
Right. You want to stick me in Sloan-Kettering and have them poke at me 24 hours a day
until I finally croak.
MARIE
Why would you say that?
CARL
Because I know you, Marie. You think there's an answer for everything. You think you
can solve any problem in the world if you have the right connections. And you can't. Face
it. I am dying of cancer and there's nothing you can do about it.
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MARIE
You don't know that. You don't know what treatment could appear or some new test could
pop up or some drug get discovered or---
CARL
Fine. And when that happens - if it happens - we'll deal with it. But for now just leave me be in my house with my stuff doing whatever I want to do. I do not intend to die in some
lefty hospital hooked up to nine thousand machines. And nothing you do or say can make
me. I'm staying here.
MARIE
(to us)
So I went back to New York alone.
But I hatched a plan. I secretly rented a house three blocks from Carl’s. I flew back to San
Antonio and got our cousin Ramona to bring him over. When he walked in, the first thing
he saw was all my mother's furniture - her marble topped commode, and the twin sofas
with all the throw pillows she had embroidered.
CARL
What the hell is going on?
MARIE
Surprise.
CARLWhat are you doing here?
MARIE
What do you think?
CARL
You got all of Mama's things out of storage.
MARIE
Even the rugs fit. Doesn't it look great?
CARL
It looks creepy as hell! Why did you do this?
MARIE
Because I'm going to live here for a while. I rented this house.
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CARL
I didn't say you could do that.
MARIE
I didn't require your permission.
CARL
Put this junk back in storage and go the hell back to New York.
MARIE
I talked to your oncologist and he said it was a good idea. And Ramona happened to hear
this house was for rent.
CARL
You talked to my doctor behind my back?
MARIE
Get over it. He told me you've been sleeping a lot lately and getting worn out at the gym
after half an hour and he said, you know, maybe you needed a little looking after. So I
thought, who better than me? Oh, Ernie knows all about it. He said okay. Casey too.
Well say something.
CARL
What the hell am I supposed to say?
MARIE
Welcome home.
(to us)
And there we were, Carl and me - back home together. In a flash, it was like the last thirty
years didn't happen. He was the big brother. I was the flunkie.
CARL
Do you know what Bounce is?
MARIE
Of course I know what Bounce is.
CARL
What is it?
MARIE
You put it in the drier to make your clothes soft.
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CARL
You're not a halfwit. You're just all over the board. I'm teaching you how to focus. It will
help your work.
MARIE
I don't need lessons from you. My work is fine, thank you.
CARL
What work? When's the last time you turned something in?
MARIE
I don't have to put up with this shit from you!
CARL
The truth hurts sometimes.
MARIE
Please! Are you such an expert on the truth? You've floated around inside your little Carl
bubble your whole life!
CARL
Why do you care so much?
MARIE
Because you never let me in.
CARLWell, you were always breathing down my neck.
MARIE
Not true.
CARL
What about college? I go to Penn. Two years later. You come to Penn.
MARIE
It was the best school I got into.
CARL
You never even thought about going anywhere else.
MARIE
That was thirty-five years ago!
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CARL
The hell with it. I'm gonna' take a nap.
MARIE
Okay.
(a pause)
Carl?
CARL
What?
MARIE
There's going to be a good ending to this. I know it. We just need to hang in long enough
and keep asking questions.
CARL
Stop cheer leading, Marie.
MARIE
(to us)
A few days later I went by his house to meet him for lunch. He was in his study
surrounded by his books.
CARL
Martin Cruz Smith - Gorky Park, The Assassin's Cloak
Carl Hiasson - Kick Ass
Margaret Truman- Harry S Truman, My Father.
MARIE
What are you doing?
CARL
What does it look like? I am listing all the books I own.
MARIE
Why?
CARL
I'm downsizing. Nobody needs all this junk. It's useless. I'm getting rid of everything.
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MARIE
(to us)
He filled his car with every piece of paper that could tell anyone anything about him and we
drove it to a dump on the other side of town. He threw his computer on top of the pile.
CARL
What do you feel like eating?
MARIE
Chimichangas. What else?
(They are at the restaurant)
CARL
What are you putting in there?
MARIE
Nothing. Everything. You know.
CARL
But you aren't writing anything.
MARIE
I'm always writing something.
CARL Not since you've been down here.
MARIE
How do you know?
CARL
Because when you're working on something, you get all obsessed and you do research and
you ask questions and ----
MARIEAnd what?
CARL
Wait a minute. Let me see that.
MARIE
It's just my scribbles.
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CARL
Let me see.
MARIE
It wouldn't make any sense to you.
CARL
I think it would.
(he gets her note pad, flips through some
pages)
CARL
You're writing about me!
MARIE
I'm not.
CARL
'March 3rd. C slipping. Cranky. Feb 21st. Read about new studies at Sloan-Kettering. C
uninterested. Bad sign. Feb 15th. Still going to the gym. Barely lasts twenty minutes.
Feb 11th---
MARIE
Writing is the way I remember things.
CARLBullshit, Marie! You're writing about me!
MARIE
I'm not writing anything. I
CARL
You used me. All that research you did - all those doctors you talked to - it was for Vanity
Fucking Fair.
MARIE No! They're just notes.
CARL
Isn't it lucky that your difficult prick of a brother got cancer!
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CARL
Maybe. (a beat.) I'm afraid.
MARIE
I know you are. I am too.
CARL
But you’ve got to move forward, Marie. Just go forward. Talk to your editor.
MARIE
I guess I could call him.
CARL
I know how you and Wayne work. You throw ideas back and forth. You can't have a
meeting like that on the phone. You need to do it in person.
MARIEIn New York?
CARL
I doubt if you can get Wayne to come here.
MARIE
Ok. I'll think about it.
CARL
No. Do it! From the gut. Go.
MARIE
I don't think it's a good time to leave you.
CARL
I'll be fine. Go.
MARIE
I don't want to go.
(He hugs her. She hugs him back)
MARIE
I wish I was as brave as you are.
CARL
What is my suffering compared to Father Jesus? It is a tragedy that you don't have
spiritualism in your life.
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MARIE
You sound like bad religious television.
CARL
Don't be cute. Everybody dies. You better get a blood test. The CEA. It's a cancer
marker. I want to check the levels myself when you get them back. Don't trust what thedoctor says.
MARIE
I won't.
CARL
Fly safe.
MARIE
(to us)I called him from home the next morning.
CARL
I'm having lunch with Melanie at Delicious Tamales. It's a beautiful day.
MARIE
(to us)
Melanie was his old high school flame. I still liked her. She was her old cheery self,
divorced twice now, with twenty extra pounds on her. I had seen her white nightgown
hanging on a hook on the back of Carl's bathroom door and her cosmetics case by the sink.
(to Carl)
Nice. Give Melanie my love.
CARL
Ok. And you give mine to Wayne. Don't forget.
MARIE
(to Carl)
I'll talk to you later.
(to us)
Wayne and I have a work ritual. Text on the table. Red pencils. Diet cokes.
Twenty minutes later the phone rang again. Wayne and I were hard at it and Ernie was still
at home.
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(calling)
Can you pick it up, please, Ernie?
(to us)
Wayne and I went on with our work. Ernie came into the room. All the color was drained
out of his face. 'It's Carl', he said.
I know. I just talked to him. 'No' he said.
I saw tears running down his cheek.
Why are you crying?
Carl is dead. Melanie found him in the garden when she came to pick him up. The police
are there.
(to Ernie)But I just talked to him!
(to us)
I was furious.
(to Ernie)
This is so like him! I must've been the last voice he heard.
(to us)
And I remember Ernie putting his arms around me.
Of course Carl left me a letter - neatly typed.
CARL
Dear Marie. Go forward. Everyone limits themselves. Please forgive me for taking my
own life. It’s time for me to go. I hope you understand. I will miss you. We will be
united some day in heaven I pray and hope. I send you my love now and forever. Please
turn off the air conditioning. Carl.
MARIE
(to us)I arranged a memorial service in San Antonio. I made sure some selections from
PARSIFAL were included. I wonder what our relatives thought when they heard Wagner
at a Jewish man’s funeral. But Carl would’ve wanted it. Ernie and Casey were there, of
course. And Marc, his orchard manager. And George, his college room mate. And his
women - Melanie, Amanda in a black mantilla, Dahlia and so forth. And there were a few
women I didn't recognize. Of course.
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How could I expect to know everything about my brother's life? Nobody did.
Some of his ashes are buried near our parents and grandparents. The rest are in an urn at
the top of the Cashmere Orchard where the men erected a shrine hung with Mexican
religious medals called milagros, a plaque for the Virgin of Guadalupe and a styrofoam
cross with blue plastic flowers. How happy that would have made him. And he was rightabout the honey crisps. I wish he could know that. We harvested our first crop last year
and they were so much in demand, that we put in another thousand whips this spring.
I spent a long time trying to understand his decision to put a pistol to his head.
What if I hadn't left? Or was it that he did it when I was gone so that I wouldn't have to
deal with the mess? Or was it some final Carl version of gotcha? Like so much about my
brother, it remains a mystery. He left half of his orchards to Marc Armstrong and half to
Casey.
CARLFamily takes care of family.
MARIE
The piece I wrote turned out to be a book. I guess you know what it was about. It was
about adenocarcinoma and it was about the love of apples and it was about Carl. And it
was about me, too. It's never been remaindered that I know of.
Lately, I've been thinking about a day in San Antonio, a few months before the end. Just a
brother/sister sort of a day - nothing special. I don't even remember what we were doing.
CARL
Do you remember once when we were at Uncle Henry's ranch and we were all fishing and
I carried you on my shoulders? You were so little, you weighed almost nothing.
MARIE
You carried me on your shoulders?
CARL
I think I did. I remember being so happy. And you were laughing so hard you wet your
pants.
MARIE
Why couldn't it have always been like that?
72.
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CARL
Who knows?
(A long look. Silence.)
MARIE
(to us)
Sometimes we don't get to understand everything.
THE END
73.