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Appendix A

KeyMail©

Date: July 9, 1996

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Re: Trip Report

Hi Guys,

ALA in NYC is the best of all possible conferences. Wish you were here, glad

that you’re not, having the times of our lives. See attached Trip Report for more info.

See you soon,

Jeremiah D.

Attachment: DreamReport.doc

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618 Gynecology

Getting a good start on the day by waking up at three in the morning with a hard-on for

Marian. In my dream, Marian and I were laying on the front lawn of the River Bend library,

making love in the dark. After five days in New York City, I was so tired I couldn’t even lift my

eyelids. Blind and vulnerable is how I was feeling, and Marian’s vagina had scalloped edges. I

was inside, but couldn’t come. That didn’t seem to bother Marian, she was spread out like a

natural extension of the landscape, head back and tits up.

Worried about being so exposed, I was gasping for breath and whimpering as if being

tortured. It made Marian laugh. I just couldn’t relax enough to have an orgasm with my eyes

closed. To climax, I would have to open my eyes.

Willing my eyes open, I discovered myself in a roll-away bed at the Howard Johnson’s

Hotel in New York City. Emerson was snoring lustily. Stanley was crapped out in the bed at the

other end of the room. The air conditioner was gently throbbing.

Here’s the thing about Marian and last night. All this conference I’ve been looking

people in the eye; the right eye, the eye of logic and business. Last night, at the bar of the Hard

Rock Café, while Betty was off paying homage to the artifacts, Marian and I were alone for a

few minutes. We were talking eye to eye. She was sitting on my left and turned all the way

around on her stool, elbow resting on the bar, cupping the side of her head in her hand, to let me

drink from her left eye; the eye of dreams and of love.

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Appendix B:

KeyMail©

Date: September 15, 1996

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Re: Ropes Course Training

Our Special Training Event this year is all about DISASTER PREPAREDNESS!

All personnel will meet at 08:00 a.m. out by the swamp, down there along the railroad

spur by the river. Appropriate attire required.

River Bend Search and Rescue Team members will facilitate the training on the

course which they have laid out there. Aamazing to see what you can do with your basic

resources on this site of a future county park. Out there where they had the Deep River

Blues Festival, remember that when it rained for three days? So we’re hoping for good

weather but be prepared for whatever.

Employees will be issued Ropes Course Passports. Make sure you get your

passport stamped at each station. You can Pass or have Do-Overs until you get it

right. Failure is not an option!!

Stations are as follows:

1. Swamp Walk (Cross the board walk without falling into the swamp. Promotes

basic balance and coordination skills.)

2. Wilderness Survival Discussion (Mr. Mike Fink, celebrated river boatman, will

share some of his own personal survival experiences with us.)

3. Treehouse Club (Join the Club by climbing up to the treehouse, then sliding

down the rope on that dealie with the wheels that you hang onto it.)

4. Trail Maintenance (Teamwork and community service skills. Good exercise for

those lower back and shoulder muscles.)

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5. Basic Rafting Skills (Teamwork and ingenuity are fostered as staff build their own

rafts from driftwood and what have you, then float back down the river to the

starting point where we will break for lunch.)

Lunch Break

Lunch will be prepared by library staff under instruction of Jose Quervo from

Outrageous Taco Mobile Food Service. After preparing, serving, eating, and

washing dishes, all staff will qualify for Food Handlers Permits upon completion of

a multiple-choice test. Failure to pass will result in taking the test over again as many

times as necessary.

Emergency Disaster Preparedness

Emergency Disaster Preparedness is the theme for the rest of the day. Staff will

be issued C.E.R.T. (Community Emergency Response Team) gear which includes:

• green gym bag with C.E.R.T. insignia

• flashlight

• sanitary gloves and masks

• plastic hardhat

• reflective vest

• flares

• waterproof matches

• plastic throat stent

• bandages, tape, aspirins, antisceptics, and emullients

Volunteer members of River City C.E.R.T. will train library staff in the following

procedures:

• Disaster Awareness

• Forming survival teams and putting on survival gear.

• Triage

• “Breath of Life”

• Contusions, fractures, and splints

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• Tracheotomy skills

• Restarting the heart:

• manually (i.e., “hands-on” training)

• using that electric shock treatment dealie

• Evacuation Options:

• “Fireman’s carry”

• using pallets

• using ropes

C.E.R.T. certification will be issued upon completion of disaster

survival training. Failure to complete disaster survival training will

result in having to stay late and maybe walk back to town.

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Documents

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