Aperture Science Enrichment Center Volunteer Application Form

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Thank you for expressing interest in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center testing program. By completing this application you are volunteering to participate in one or more standard unspecified experimental testing scenarios. Aperture Laboratories can not elaborate on the nature of any testing until said testing has begun, and in certain cases can not clarify the intent of the test until successful completion, or death.

Transcript of Aperture Science Enrichment Center Volunteer Application Form

08

Aperture Science Enrichment Center Volunteer Application Form

Subject Name Subject Hometown

Notes

Hello. Thank you for expressing interest in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center testing program. By completing this application you are volunteering to participate in one or more standard unspecied experimental testing scenarios. Aperture Laboratories can not elaborate on the nature of any testing until said testing has begun, and in certain cases can not clarify the intent of the test until successful completion, or death. As part of a required protocol, we must advise you of the following hazardous conditions: The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus. Avoid contact with any Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill as it may result in partial vaporization. At this time the Enrichment Center would like to alert you that in certain testing scenarios you may be assigned an Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube. This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through your test. Please take care of it. Certain protocols render your Companion Cube indispensable, as it will assist in various requisite tasks. The Enrichment Center would like to take this moment to warn you that the Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact can not speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. Upon completion of given tasks you may be required to dispose of your Companion Cube in an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator. Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanizing process. Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain. If it could talk, and the Aperture Science Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it can not, it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a re than become a burden to you. As part of a required test protocol we will not monitor the test. You will be entirely on your own. Good Luck.Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience. The enrichment center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all.

Form

2873Part I

(Rev. December 1995) Aperture Laboratories

Application Questionnaire for the Aperture Science Enrichment CenterPlease answer all questions completely to the best of your knowledge

Identication of Applicant2 Badge ID

1 Name

Part II

Questionnaire5. What is your current living situation? Live Alone Live With Roommate(s) Live With Kids Live With Parents 6. Do you requre jewelry for any health reasons? Yes No 7. Do you requre socks to be a part of your uniform? Yes No 8. Do you prefer long or short sleeves? Short Sleeves Long Sleeves Sleeveless / Shirtless No Preference 9. Does your illness prevent you from working? Yes No 10. Not including periods of mandatory silence, what is the longest you have gone voluntarily without talking? 1 Day 26 Days 714 Days 1430 Days 3090 Days 90 Days 6 Months 6 Months 1 Year Greater Than 1 Year 11. Do you requre music to perform simple tasks? No Yes 12. Are you plagued by suspicions that other people, including coworkers and relatives, may be doing things behind your back that will hurt you? Yes No 13. What is your favorite meal? Lunch Dinner 14. A cake can be sliced into more than seven pieces by making only four diameter cuts through its center. True False 15. Which pre-Christian mathematician is not correctly matched to his home city? Thales of Miletus Anaximander of Miletus Pythagoras of Samos Anaximenes of Miletus Cleostratus of Tenedos Anaxagoras of Clazomenae Zeno of Elea Antiphon of Rhamnos Oenopides of Chios Hippocrates of Chios Hippias of Elis Theodorus of Cyrene Philolaus of Croton Democritus of Abdera Hippasus of Metapontum Archytas of Tarentum Theaetetus of Athens Leodamas of Thasos Eudoxus of Cnidos Callipus of Cyzicus Xenocrates of Chalcedon Heraclides of Pontus Bryson of Heraclea Theudius of Magnesia Eudemus of Rhodes Autolycus of Pitane Aristarchus of Samos Archimedes of Syracuse Philo of Byzantium Nicoteles of Cyrene Eratosthenes of Cyrene Conon of Samos Apollonius of Perga Dositheus of Alexandria Dionysodorus of Amisus Diocles of Carystus Hypsicles of Alexandria Hipparchus of Nicaea Zeno of Sidon Geminus of Rhodes 16. Complete this sentence,

1. It is important to consult a physician before starting an Aperture Science Enrichment Center Program. If one or more of the statements listed below applies to you, please contact your supervisor to secure permission to consult a physician before beginning an Enrichment Center program. Pick the condition that most applies to you. dizziness shortness of breath problems waking up in the morning problems staying up 48 hours straight have not previously performed an enrichment center program 2. Sally, Dwayne, Anthony, David, and Franklin are, collectively, exactly 10 years apart in age. Sally's is two years older than David. David's favorite letter is 'g'. Anthony's favorite letter is also 'g', but Dwayne has no preference, insisting that he likes all the letters equally except for 's'. What is Franklin's favorite letter?

3. Which of the following best describes your pain? Nondescript Shooting Stabbing Burning Prickly Aching Sharp Dull 4. How do others describe your education? Nursery School Grade School Junior High High School Some College Associates Degree Bachelors Graduate Degree PhD / Post-Doctoral None

Form

2873Part II

(Rev. December 1995) Aperture Laboratories

Application Questionnaire for the Aperture Science Enrichment CenterPlease answer all questions completely to the best of your knowledge

Questionnaire (continued)19. Have you experienced recurrent thoughts of regicide? Yes No 20. If you answered 'yes' to the previous question, please rate the following statement: I know what 'regicide' means. Strongly Disagree Disagree Agree Strongly Agree N/A 21. You are a liar: Cant Honestly Disagree Agree Strongly Agree 22. Can you ash your ROM? Yes No 23. Do you feel bad that you have let your coworkers and/or larger mandated collective down? Yes No 29. What is your favorite color? Peach-orange Linen Dark goldenrod Pumpkin Zinnwaldite Lavender Blush Midnight Blue Amber Pale red-violet Pale chestnut Bondi Blue Gamboge Steel blue Tangerine Seashell Pale pink Dark turquoise Pale cornower blue Denim Burnt Sienna Pear Orangatan Red Chestnut Dark Tea Green Dark salmon Dark tan Pine Green Ochre Klein Blue Pale Sandy Brown Dark Terra cotta Safety Orange Coral Scarlet Bistre Cerulean blue Dodger blue Violet-eggplant Amethyst Ultramarine Fuchsia Chocolate Sea Green Pastel pink Persian blue Mountbatten pink Pale carmine Bright green Gray-Tea Green Pale brown Lavender

17. Please choose the description that best describes your personality: Childish Conceitful Oash Scornful Stolid Boastful Timid Sleepy Reserved Stable 18. Which interrogation technique do you think would be most eective on you? Going Next Door Nobody Loves You The All-Seeing Eye The Barbering Curriculum The Informer News from Home The Witness Joint Suspects The Big Bang Pearls Before Swine Chicken Button Death Eats a Sandwich Hammerhead Pain Fried Hole Hangri-La Ivan Is a Dope Joint Interrogators Law of Partial Pressure The Spinoza Gospel Shark Cloud Cuckoo Land The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing Good Cop / Ventriloquist Cop Alice in Wonderland Monster Polygraph Confession is Good for the Soul Silver Tongued Devil Deep Sea Diver Pay The Piper Federal Bikini Inspector Big Wig Carlsbad Caverns The Boy Who Cried Goonland Role-Role Theory Zipf's Law Stream of Unconsciousness Flash in the Pan The Little Bird Welcome to Bethany Ampere's Rule The Dental Assistant

24. Pick the sentence that incorrectly employs the word 'excruciating'. The test caused excruciating pain. The participant felt excruciating pain. I like to eat cake while excruciating. 25. Are you functionally incapacitated by witnessing other people's misery? Yes No 26. Do you get pleasure from solitary pursuits? Yes No 27. What is your favorite atware for, purely as an example, eating cake? Spoon Banquet Fork Fork Serving Fork Salad Fork Fish Fork Meat Fork Table Fork Cocktail Fork Pastry Fork Dessert Fork Knife 28. What is your favorite number between 31 and 37? 31 32 33 34 35 36 37

Form

2873Part IIYes Every Day Every Other Day Twice Weekly Weekly Twice a Month

(Rev. December 1995) Aperture Laboratories

Application Questionnaire for the Aperture Science Enrichment CenterPlease answer all questions completely to the best of your knowledge

Questionnaire (continued)37. Pick your favorite type of cake: Angel food cake Apple cake Battenburg cake Black Forest cake Buccellato Bundt cake Butter cake Buttery cake Carrot cake Cheesecake Chocolate cake Chion cake Croquembouche Cupcake Date and walnut loaf Devil's food cake Eccles cake Fairy cake Fifteens Fruit cake Sponge cake Gnoise Cake Gingerbread Gooey butter cake Honey cake Hot milk cake Hummingbird cake Ice cream cake Jaa Cakes Suncake Mooncake Pancake Panettone Petit fours Pineapple Upside Down Cake Pound cake Queen Elizabeth cake Red velvet cake Rhubarb cake Sachertorte Simnel cake Spice cake German chocolate cake Stack cake Tarte Tatin Teacake Tres